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I was a maid of honor for my friend Terry, who has been my friend for years. Overall, things turned out great and we still talk about Terry's *perfect* wedding (made so by the blood, sweat, and love of everyone close to her), but I remember the one thing that didn't go quite as planned- the bridesmaid dress. Terry loves the Renaissance fair and we go every year, so it was not a big surprise to me when Terry decided that she would have a "ren fair" wedding. Terry picked out a couple of patterns and told all the bridesmaids that their dresses could be any color except gold, and had to conform to the pattern she picked for them. I, being the maid of honor, had a special pattern and would be the only girl who got to wear gold. I was naturally very honored that Terry thought so highly of me to place me so high above the rest. The seamstress who was creating our dresses first charged me $600 for making the dress (ouch! and on a teacher's salary!) and then had done such a poor job of making it that I nearly took her head off. Gold-colored fabric is apparently very expensive. One side of the dress exposed my ankles and the other side dragged on the floor. The dress also had what is called a "bum roll": a roll of fabric that flares the dress over your hips to make your waist look smaller. Unfortunately, it looked like a Michelin tire wrapped around my waist. Terry and I must have laughed about it for five minutes (thank God she never made me wear it). Having the flower collar around my neck was also a bad idea: this gold-colored doily around my face made my head look like some jaundiced puff pastry. The dress was hideous. Ugly as sin. I still can't look at her wedding album. Naturally, I kept my mouth shut because Terry loved it (except for the bum roll *shudder*). The wedding was an outdoor affair in June in a beautiful field of flowers. During the ceremony, Terry handed me her bouquet so that she could exchange rings with the groom. I am now holding 2 huge bouquets in a field full of flowers in June. The bees loved me. I was pollinated to within an inch of my life. I saw them flying around me in lazy clouds. I also felt a few land on me, and I spent the next minute or so trying not to scream. I succeeded. Ok, so it wasn't a wedding from hell. Terry and I are still good friends and she apologized for turning me into an amateur beekeeper during the ceremony (not that it was her fault) and for making me pay for the hideous dress. We're great friends. I only hope that everyone's wedding problems turn out to be so trivial.


My wedding, which had been planned for the better part of a year, and paid for almost entirely by my husband and myself, was thrown into another universe by a few different things, namely a bridesmaid who decided that instead of arriving on time at my home to begin getting dressed, hairstyled and made up for my ceremony, as she had promised, instead scheduled a job interview during that time. She showed up nearly two hours late and by that time, I was absolutely speechless with wedding-day nerves. My matron of honor apparently cared more about polishing her nails than she did about helping me out of this looming mess, and the makeup and hair artist (my cousin's fiancée), looked the other way at the predicament that was rapidly forming. After being rushed into my gown, veil, tiara, gloves, lingerie and rushed out the door onto the aisle, my wedding ceremony began an hour later than scheduled. Meeting me out there were all of my guests, with the officiant standing at the top of the aisle. This man, who had been suggested by my mother, decided to ignore almost all of what I had requested he say during our ceremony, including a Native American blessing that was so close to my heart. This as well as the fact that I lost an hour of my photographer, my reception hall, the band …I was so goggle-eyed, that I smiled the whole evening through. Ever the hostess. The hurt feelings about the cause of my wedding beginning so late didn't hit me until I was on my honeymoon. And they hit like a tornado. My god was I mad and sadder than hell, a wicked, wicked combination.

Two weeks afterwards, I hadn't yet seen my wedding photography, and frankly, was scared to death of what I would see. My husband and I traveled to a exceptionally distant cousin's wedding (my father's sister's son), someone who I see about as often as the passing of Haley's Comet, and came there with the intent to have a nice time. It was shortly after their wedding when his mother (the mother of the groom at this wedding) walked up to me, in front of 45 people, and asked whether I remembered my wedding. When I said that I did, she proceeded to tell me that I was as white as the gown I had on my body, had veins sticking out of my neck, my face was distorted, and I practically ran down the aisle. After telling me this, she then informed me that upon seeing this, she, her son and his future bride "cracked up" watching me. I was just stunned by her insensitivity, but given her choice of environments for giving me her assessment, I could do nothing but put on a wan smile and chuckle back at her. But inside I was just mortified. And wanted to get the hell out of there as fast as I possibly could.

A week or so later, I told my father how hurtful and offensive her behavior was, and that I had written a letter to her that I wanted to send. Out of respect for him, I asked him whether his relationship with her would be jeopardized if I mentioned how I felt to her, and my father said that it would not be jeopardized, but then passed the phone to my mother for her to advise me. This was a huge mistake, I now see. My mother is concerned with one thing - Wrinkle-free family dealings. She doesn't want any ripples in her family dynamic, and would sooner encourage me to swallow offensive behavior from others then rocking the precious dynamic she treasures in her family. So I was encouraged to view my distant aunt's comments with a "well, she didn't mean anything by them" viewpoint, and to quite simply get over it. I have not been able to. It has caused me hurt, anger, helplessness for the entire time we've been a married couple. I haven't felt that we were able to get off on the right foot ever since that day. So, what my husband and I are going to do is this. On our one-year anniversary, we are going to "re-wed" ourselves. We are going to meet in a very beautiful park close by, and redo the things that would have come off beautifully had it not been for the fantastically inappropriate, inconsiderate behavior of others. I'm going to get my hair and makeup done again and my husband will be able to do the things that he wanted to do on that day but wasn't able to, and we'll be able to capture that as history, rather than the painful memories of what should have been the happiest day of our lives. This will be the memories that we will show off. This will be what I will be proud to show to my children. There can be a happy ending to this after all.



This isn’t an issue you "can’t get over", it’s one you refuse to get over. You’ve wasted precious time with your new husband inflicting an atmosphere of "hurt, anger and helplessness" over what is, in the cosmic scheme of life, a rather trivial issue. You don’t feel that you and your husband have gotten off to a good start to your marriage because of some wedding day screw ups? Well, guess what? NO ONE has a flawless wedding. Sure, you had some stress-inducing events on your wedding but nothing so earth shattering that permits you to blame shift your ongoing marital tensions on the actions of others.

What makes a wedding day the "happiest day of a life" is not the flawless execution of ceremony and entertainment but rather the comforting knowledge that one is beginning a new adventure with one’s beloved.

When I was a sophomore in high school, I was a bridesmaid in an older cousin's wedding. The rest of the nine bridesmaids and the maid and matron of honor were in their mid-twenties so I already felt a bit out of place with the group. The bride insisted that we all go as a group with her mother and the mother of the maid and matron of honor (the two were sisters) to try on our bridesmaids dresses (which she insisted we would be able to wear again -- they were the standard fuchsia dress with obligatory butt bow and really tacky rhinestone buttons on the front) at the local bridal shop.

Well, since there were so many of us there weren't enough dressing rooms to go around and we had to strip to our underwear in the little area outside of the dressings rooms where the mirrors were. Now, this area was not completely closed off from the rest of the story -- anyone browsing who went back to one corner could get a good glimpse of the scene which was about to occur. As the youngest I didn't make the dressing room cut and got undressed but although they needed us all to strip at the same time they were going to make us wait until right before our turn to give us the dress to change into. So I'm standing there in my bra and panties when the supposedly more mature bridesmaids and the bride began to laugh at my underwear for not being sexy enough. It wasn't like I had on granny panties and an industrial bra on but just had some simple, cute items that were, in my opinion, appropriate for my age. It only got worse when I tried on my dress to realize that a part of it would have to be let out. The mother of the bride and the mother of the matron and maid of honor along with the store clerks began berating me for being "fat" and that I needed to lose weight before the wedding. Now at the time I weighed 100 lbs. and was 5'6" so I was by no means fat; in fact, I was still recovering from a bout with anorexia in which my weight had dropped to 80 lbs. I was told that I looked so much better previously and that I should go back on whatever diet I was on then (uh, it is called STARVATION). Well, the whole thing really messed up any work on my self-esteem that I had accomplished over the previous few months so in my opinion the whole affair was not only tacky but very cruel. brs0205-03

 I asked my future husband's friend "Melissa" to be a bridesmaid right after we announced our engagement. They grew up together on the same street and were friends since before kindergarten. She accepted happily. Fast forward two years. The wedding is a few months away. I e-mailed all the bridesmaids to tell them I have ordered their dresses and they may pay me back at their convenience. I was very concerned with staying on a small budget and the dresses were only one hundred dollars. "Melissa" wrote back to tell me that she could no longer be in the wedding and they could not afford to give us a "good" gift. She said that because they are hoping to move to a big city and buy a second house, in addition to planning their wedding, that "any money I spend on your wedding I can't spend on myself". Quote verbatim.


I just got married this past May. I always heard how no wedding ever goes perfectly so I was prepared for something to go drastically wrong, but I wasn't quite prepared for what actually happened. Everything was actually going quite well until the day before the rehearsal dinner. My MOH lived in Canada so she was not around until the day before the wedding to help with the last minute details so I was left to do the last minute running by myself. Well, I was out running some errands on the Thursday before the wedding (which was on Saturday) and I thought I would give my future husband a call to see if he had picked up his tux yet (he put everything off until the very last minute). When I did get hold of him, he said he was on his way to the hospital. My heart and my jaw absolutely dropped. I started to panic as I asked him if he was okay and what had happened. He said he was fine but his Best man had totaled his car and spent the night in the ER, so he was on his way to pick him up. He told me that he was going to be fine, but he had fractured his pelvis and was going to be on crutches for the wedding, possibly unable to walk.

After this initial panic lifted, I hung up with him and called my sister, who was a bridesmaid and explained the situation to her. She helped calm me down and explained everything would work out, there was no point in stressing about it now. What was done, was done. I would just have to plan things around his incapacity. I had thought of decorating his crutches to go with the wedding theme colors, but there was no time for that and I didn't think he would appreciate a purple crutch. He stayed at our house the night before the wedding so that my husband could help him get ready and get him to the church. My bridal party and I got dressed at my grandparents house and arrived at the church just a few minutes before the ceremony was to start. Of course I had to use the restroom at the last minute. I was told that he was there, I was relieved to hear that he had made it on time. We then proceeded upstairs to get ready to walk down the aisle. We had agreed that the guys would wait in a back room until they heard the chimes ringing, signifying that they were to proceed to the front of the church to start the ceremony. Well, the chimes rang and I waited a few seconds and asked the MOH how he looked and she said, "he's not there yet." So I waited about 30 seconds and I asked again. Again she said, "He's not there yet!" Another 30 seconds past and of course, I'm starting to panic thinking he's changed his mind, when she finally said, "There he is, and he looks so handsome." Whew, a sigh of relief. The ceremony was beautiful and thankfully all turned out well. The best man was able to stand through the whole ceremony and was even able to hobble down the aisle in the recessional. We had most of our photos taken outside in a field and at a small airport, so he had to do a lot of walking. It took him a while to catch up and the photographer would hold onto his crutch when she would take the photos. She got so involved with trying to set up the photos and posing us that she kept walking off with his crutch, stranding him. When I finally asked my husband what took him so long to get out to the front of the church he said they were back in the room arguing about whether those were the chimes or not. He said the pastor finally came back to get them because they were not going to leave that room until they could agree. Needless to say everything did turn out beautifully and even quite comical in the end. You can't even tell there was anything wrong in any of the pictures.


My story isn't quite as bad as most of the ones I've read on this website, but I'm still fuming after three years! I was really good friends with a girl ("Christina") I basically grew up with. When she thought she was going to marry a long-term boyfriend, she'd asked me to be her MOH and I accepted. A year or so after that relationship fizzled, she was preparing to marry her new man ("Steven"). I was going to college 300 miles away from our hometown, and wasn't sure the engagement was even "official" yet. One evening about 4 months before the wedding, I get a call from her mother asking me when I could come to town to go shopping for my bridesmaid dress. My response to her was "Oh, she's having me as her bridesmaid? When's the wedding?" I ended up doing my duty as much as possible with me being so far away and on a student's budget. I was replaced as MOH by another friend, which was fine by me - so that lessened my load. Her wedding was two days after my birthday - but she never even called me on my birthday or told me at the rehearsal the day after "happy birthday". I was informed of a bridal shower by phone with only a few days' notice. I was unable to attend, but did send a gift. I received no thank you. For her wedding gift, I created a basket (with an "in-the-mood" theme!) and all in all ended up spending about $50 (which was a fortune for me at the time). I received no thank you for that either. I stood in my spot at the ceremony and in the reception line - knowing only 5 people out of the hundred or so. She never introduced me to anyone. At the reception, the MOH, the bride and EVERYONE left me out of the loop and after having a tiff with my own fiancé, I ended up sitting alone in the corner for the entire reception (He ended up having to leave). My attempts to join the others having been rebuked. I was stuck there since I had been driven by my fiancé. After the reception, I stayed and helped her parents clean up the hall. After she returned from her honeymoon, we tried to get together for lunch before I left for my study-abroad year in Germany, she kept blowing me off or canceling with fake excuses. To this day I have yet to see pictures from the wedding or even to see Christina again. A couple of months ago, she called and left a message wanting me to attend a Partylight party she was hosting for the next evening, but that's all I've heard from her in a few years. I'm getting married in three months, and I'm on a strict budget. Needless to say I am NOT inviting her.   Bmaids0214-03

I married my first husband in May of 1995. We planned a informal outdoor wedding and BBQ - we wanted a casual sort of thing where everyone could have a good time. My fiancé and I were making all of the plans ourselves, and since it was pretty laid back we weren't very stressed out about it. We asked guests to bring a potluck dish instead of a gift, were going to supply meat for the BBQ, as well as a cake and DJ. We asked the groomsmen to wear white shirts and tan trousers and provided them with green material to make vests. The bridesmaids were given a subdued floral chiffon material and told to have made a dress of their own choosing. (This was especially important to me, as I had worn some horrors in my previous goes as a bridesmaid.) As for me, my best friend and MOH was going to create a dress, as she was a professional costume designer. She was very excited about this, and had made the offer to me on her own - and I gratefully accepted, of course. However, our stress-free experience changed drastically right before the wedding. In March of that year my father died unexpectedly. It was devastating for my family as well as my fiancé, to say the least. Luckily my future in-laws came through with flying colors, kindly helping us finish up the planning. My bridesmaids went to bat for me, making calls, even organizing a trip on their own to the local Costco for supplies for the BBQ. Our groomsmen did much of the same, making arrangements for the setup of chairs, etc. Everyone was very helpful, very considerate, and very kind. Everyone, that is, except for my MOH. She dropped off the face of the earth. She didn't return phone calls. She was nowhere to be found. I began to panic. She lived across the country from me, but had been in constant contact with me up until that point. Finally, one of my other bridesmaids got hold of her and asked her about my dress. Mind you, this was late March, and we were getting married in two months. My MOH announced she didn't have time to make my dress. As a matter of fact, she wasn't even sure if she could make it to the wedding. I was crushed, and could do nothing but cry my eyes out. It was just too much. Three of my other bridesmaids took the situation into their own hands and took me dress shopping. As it turns out, I got a beautiful dress from an outlet place for less than $100 - it was perfect and I was very happy with it. My cousin's wife, a professional seamstress, did the alterations (and offered a lot of tea and sympathy with it).

The day before the wedding dawned. I still had no idea if my MOH was going to show or not, since she was not returning any phone calls. There was a rehearsal and dinner at my in-law's house...and lo and behold, who should walk in right as the rehearsal was starting? The MOH! I had no idea what to say to her. (I only found out later that my SIL let her have it in the backyard.) As it was, I had "promoted" my brother's fiancée into the MOH position. And I didn't back down on it either. What the ex-MOH thought of this I have no idea as my SIL had told her not to even speak to me! The next day was beautiful. Perfect weather and the wedding went by without a hitch. Everyone had a wonderful time (such a good time that people talk about the wedding even though my husband and I later divorced). I got a big kick out of seeing the bridesmaids' dresses - each dress really expressed the personality of each woman. The mother of two had a more tailored dress with large pockets (complete with her daughter's binky), my brother's fiancée had a backless number, another woman had a sash and bow at the back, and so on. Then in came the ex-MOH - the professional costume designer, who could sew like no one's business as well as do her own dress designs. Her dress was not even finished - she sat right in front of me and proceeded put safety pins in the hem. She was also wearing an old and tattered pair of leggings under the dress. (The leggings disappeared before the ceremony - again, I have my SIL to thank for that.) The only comment this woman made to me the entire day? This woman who had been my college roommate, this woman whom I had spent 3 weeks in a car with, driving her belongings across country to graduate school, this woman who had shared so much with me? This woman who had known my father (and had indeed even stayed at his home), who had known my fiancé since we had first started dating? This woman who sat in front of me with ripped leggings and a ragged hem, her sleeves unfinished and being pinned? "This material is cheap and ugly." Needless to say, that was the last thing she ever said to me. My husband informed her at the close of the day that she did not need to bother calling us ever again. She did try a few times, but I hung up on her. I also returned a letter she sent unopened. I didn't need a "friend" like that.


My cousin was married this past September. My sister was her maid of honor - however since she was living at a considerable distance - many of her responsibilities fell to the rest of the bridesmaids - there were 5 bridesmaids and the MOH. Over the course of the wedding preparation a number of slights happened - the dresses were horrible, uncomfortable, expensive; the rest of the bridesmaids didn't lift a finger to help with the shower; the bachelorette party, etc and basically everything was done my youngest sister and myself. We put on our faux smiles and did this work all in an effort to make my cousin's wedding a wonderful day. The night of the wedding the groom was so drunk that he couldn't even function. So much for making it a memorable night. After spending all of our time, money and energy on this wedding for months, my sister and I didn't have any desire to attend the brunch the day after the wedding (why are these brunches becoming more popular - please leave us alone to attend to our hangovers and please be aware that we are now sick of you people and all of your friends and relations and need a good six month breather until we can deal with you again) so we skipped it. At the party the sister of the bride - also a bridesmaid (she stiffed me for money the whole way through the shower and the bachelorette party and didn't lift one finger to help in any way) asked loudly where I was. When she was told that I wasn't coming she said, "Well, did she at least send her present?" I had not since I wanted to get some finishing touches for it. I had, however, put a great deal of thought, effort and money into my present. Needless to say the whole wedding was a joke and it ruined my relationship with my cousins.


Every bride has her "what she would have done different" after the wedding. Mine is that I would have put my foot down over the usher I knew was going to be trouble. This usher, we'll call him Craig, has been friend with my groom and now husband, Jason, since college. Since this time he has always creeped me out. I didn't want Craig at the wedding let alone taking part in it but I knew how important he was to my groom and I didn't want to be a "bridezilla". Craig had at first wanted to be best man but my groom had 2 brothers and we didn't think it was appropriate to blow off family for a college friend as best man. He continued for a while to try and talk us into him being best man but we were firm in our no. I pawned off all pre-wedding day Craig problems on Jason. After all he was an usher. All I could do was to tell Jason to tell Craig to stay away from me. I didn't really have to deal with him until the rehearsal. Nearly everyone was out-of-state in this wedding.

At the rehearsal he wouldn't keep his mouth shut and constantly had to put in his 2 cents over how we should walk down the aisle, who should be with who, etc. Our rehearsal dinner was a pretty big shin dig and very classy. Jason and I were politely trying to greet everyone and hand out some thank you gifts. Craig felt he wasn't getting enough attention and decided to towel whip Jason with his dinner napkin while he was talking with his grandfather. Through dinner all we heard about was his fiancée and when all the ushers gathered for Jason's last single outing Craig showed up at the rehearsal dinner sporting a t-shirt with his fiancée’s picture on it. The wedding rolls around. We had a second priest at the church making sure things went smoothly and trying to get the ushers and bridesmaids down the aisle. The priest tried to get them to move but Craig stalled. He stalled so much that the processional music ran out for my father and I. On his way out for the recessional he made it a point to blow kisses in all the video cameras. During the photo session Craig had pulled our unity candle out to get us to take a photo with that. Why would we want a photo with a candle? I nearly flipped out because it was a special porcelain candle FULL OF LAMP OIL, he could have spilled it on a number of special things. This candle disappeared for a week and was found in a guest's hotel room after. While taking pictures just as soon as we'd get set-up he'd jump out of formation to get his own camera to have guests take pictures for him. This really slowed us down. We ended up cutting the receiving line ( I really wanted) and postponing our first dance until after dinner. Our guests were too hungry to wait much longer. Postponing our first dance resulted in the guests getting up themselves to dance when 'Unchained Melody' came on during dinner so we didn't get the first dance.

I said Craig was engaged right? His fiancée wasn’t at the wedding so this gave Craig the chance to hit on every female at the wedding married or not. He also had to whine to the aunts over his tortured life and turned his back on one of Jason's cousins when he found out her age making her feel old. We had told Craig the night before no outside alcohol would be allowed at the reception when he mentioned he'd brought beer from NY for it. Did this stop him? Nope. The waiters busted him for sneaking alcohol into the reception. This infuriated me because my parents had purchased 3 bottles of champagne per table for the reception. There was plenty of booze and he put us in violation of our reception hall contract. I felt it was a slap in my parents’ face. After the wedding I thought I'd never have to deal with him again. I was wrong he called us twice on the honeymoon to say, "HI" and to tell us he'd gotten a cell phone. I was a virgin bride so I can tell you he was always calling at BAD times. Who the heck calls newlyweds at night????    Bmaids0221-03

I hope my story isn’t too long for Etiquette Hell – I think it qualifies! I was married this past October to a man I am totally crazy about. My wedding was awesome and I have many great memories. But there was a small blight on my (and my husband's) happiness... a true Beastman from HELL! "Dick" and my now-husband "Jason" met in High School, so they had been friends for a while. I thought Dick was nice (and funny except he overindulged in making crude jokes and was sometimes insulting.) For the most part, I got used to his way of "joking" and we usually went back and forth a bit. Jason and I got engaged after we'd been dating about 3 years. I wanted to avoid a huge wedding with lots of attendants but Jason wanted to have a traditional ceremony (with ALL his friends as attendants) ….until I brought up the idea of eloping to a foreign country (Scotland) and getting married in a castle. Jason LOVED this idea, because his ancestry is Scottish, so that was that. I started planning the wedding, mostly through the Internet, and we knew going into it that it would probably be just us, but that was fine (both of our families were totally fine with all of it). We did tell everyone and invited people to come if they were interested, but again, absolutely no pressure, because we knew it was a lot of money. My aunt and uncle decided to come, and my aunt did all of our photography as a wedding gift.

As soon as we told Dick about the wedding, he was excited and insistent that he would be there - "Just tell me where I'm staying and what I need to bring!!!" I was kind of surprised, but happy for Jason, because he thought it would be neat to have some friends there. Jason had another friend, "Terry", who was also interested in coming, but didn't want to go by himself. Both guys (Dick and Terry) wanted to spend some time in the country while they were there (and not just fly all that way for a few days) so I suggested they book a tour together, since they knew each other and got along fine. I hooked them up with our travel agent, "Cindy", and helped them with their paperwork, payment deadlines, etc because they both lived out of state. Somewhere along the way, Dick asked "Am I in it???" meaning, was he going to be in the wedding? Jason and I thought it would be nice to include both guys, since they were making the trip for us. Terry had offered to escort me, which I thought was so sweet, so we decided to have Dick stand with Jason, and Terry would escort me. Terry also agreed to hold my bouquet during the vows - he was such a good sport. So everything was going along fine – it was about 3 months until the wedding.

One day I got a call from Cindy wondering if I had heard from Dick lately. She said that his deposit for the trip was due and that Terry had sent his about a week ago, but there was no sign of Dick's check. She'd called Dick about 4 times, but hadn't heard from him, and the deadline for the payment was the next day. I sent Dick an e-mail gently reminding him that the payment was due and if he didn't make it, the trip might get cancelled. I also asked him if he'd received Cindy's calls and asked if he could please get in touch with her. I got this hate mail back telling me that he hoped Jason and I knew what a "financial burden" this whole thing had been -- like we DEMANDED that he come to our wedding!!! I was furious and told Jason what had happened and that he should call Dick and find out if he needed to cancel his trip so that we could let Terry know what was going on. Jason called him that night. He told Jason the check would be in the mail the next day and that he was just going through a rough spot. He said he had had to take out a loan to cover the trip cost. Jason told him repeatedly that we DID NOT want him to take out loans and that we would totally understand if he couldn't make it for the wedding. He kept insisting it was fine. Well, the check was a week late - thankfully the trip was not cancelled, but Cindy was steamed.

Fast-forward 3 months to the night before the wedding when everyone arrived at the castle. Everything was great, although Dick was being his usual perverted self. We all had dinner together that night and went over the plans for the next day. The guys were going to wear kilts so Jason had to show them how to put them on and assemble all the accessories. We all went to bed pretty early. The next morning, we met for breakfast, and then Jason thought we could drive over to the little village and see what there was to see (the wedding wasn't until 2pm). So, we (minus aunt and uncle) headed for the car. On the way there, Dick looked over at me intently and said (mind you, this is about FOUR HOURS BEFORE MY WEDDING) "Are you going to shave that mustache or what??" then started laughing hysterically. I just looked at him and continued walking to the car. Terry shook his head in disbelief and Jason just looked at him. Dick was still laughing. Now, I am not an overly hairy woman – I have dark blonde hair and am fair skinned, and have never noticed a mustache before. I didn't say much because I didn't want to give Dick any satisfaction that he had almost reduced me to tears, but I was horrified inside and I started wondering - "what if I do have a mustache????" We drove to the village and ended up at a phone booth because Dick decided he had to call his girlfriend back in the states.

While he was out of the car, I asked Jason if I had a mustache and he said "No of course not, he's just messing with you." Again, Terry just shook his head. I was really upset. We got back to the castle and I started getting ready. I decided to just forget the stupid comment because there was nothing I could do now (this was a REMOTE Scottish village and there were no tweezers or Nads in sight) and trust my own judgment that I really did not have a mustache. So... At 2pm, Terry walked me to the library where we were getting married and the ceremony was beautiful. Everything went perfectly, despite my fear that Dick might do something stupid at any minute. Well, that was coming. After the ceremony, we all went outside for pictures and then decided to go back to the library for a champagne toast. My aunt had been nice enough to order the champagne for us. Dick rushed ahead and into the library and told the rest of us not to come in. Then we heard a camera snapping. Well, if you know Scots, you know that they don't wear anything under their kilts. Dick was in the library taking pictures of his ________!!! I finally barged in and thankfully his kilt was down. He then proceeded to get his laptop and started uploading the pictures from his camera. He wanted to look through them while we were having a nice champagne toast in front of my aunt and uncle!!! Thankfully, his stupid laptop was too slow and he gave up. The NERVE. Well, it wasn't over yet. Instead of a reception, since there were so few people, we decided to just have a nice dinner in the very expensive hotel dining room. Jason and I were paying for everyone's dinner.

Throughout the dinner, Dick shamelessly (and loudly) flirted with two of the staff who were serving us. This was in a very up scale, high-class place where you have all the forks, etc. He was rude and a total jerk, demanding (repeatedly) that one of the girls pose for a picture with him. She refused. I wanted to kick his ass. I was so embarrassed and so was Jason. He completely dominated the dinner conversation, talking about how much he can eat (he's fairly thin). He also made a point of telling this long dramatic story about how Jason asked him personally to be his Best Man (which totally wasn't true since he asked if he was going to be in the wedding). He ordered several glasses of beer throughout dinner and then proceeded to order an extra dessert (none of it included in the dinner price) all the while still bragging about how much he could eat in one sitting. The next day we all went our separate ways and Jason and I started our honeymoon. When Dick turned to me to say good-bye, he flipped me off!!!! I could not wait to see him go, but I really felt bad for Terry because they still had a few days of their tour left.

After we got home from our 2-week honeymoon, we learned that Dick had been horrible to Terry on the rest of their trip. He complained constantly about Terry's snoring and even tried to get an earlier flight back to the US by himself. He didn't want to drive anywhere or see anything (only wanted to stay in one place and go to pubs), so they basically stayed in one town for the rest of their trip (Terry had never been to Scotland). He damaged the rental car and then threw a hissy fit over the extra insurance charges that he had signed up for. He demanded that Terry pay half of the charges even though he was the one who signed up for a bunch of insurance that they didn't even need. Terry said that he had a good time on the trip and was glad that he got to go, but would never ever travel with Dick again. Thankfully that was the last time I saw Dick - haven't spoken to him (I refuse) since he flipped me off the day after my wedding!! I love your site – THANKS for letting me vent!!     Bmaids0221-03

When I first got engaged I decided to ask 4 of my good friends to be my bridesmaids and my cousin to be my MOH. They were all thrilled for me and happily accepted. I told them if at any time they needed to bow out for any reason (e.g. finances, family plans, etc.) I would understand and it was okay. One of my BMs (Sheila) might as well have bowed out because the only thing she did do was try on a BM dress then show up to the wedding. I have known Sheila since she was a junior in high school and she was originally supposed to sing at my wedding. She bowed out of singing saying that she couldn't sing as well as she used to in her younger days. I understood and had no problem with that. In communicating to the ladies by email or phone, Sheila would never answer me back or return my calls. I always had to catch her at work when I thought she was there. I asked all the ladies to meet me one day for a luncheon at my home then go to pick out some dresses. I chose a separates line from a well-known and reasonably priced bridal store. I told them to choose their own style that flattered them in the color I chose. After repeated emails and phone calls, got no RSVP from Sheila saying she would come that day. I called her the night before and actually got a hold of her and she said yes she was coming the next day. She did show the next day, had lunch with me and 2 other BMs and went to the dress store. Once all the ladies had picked out dresses and ordered them, I told them all to just wear plain black dress shoes and not worry about the cost of buying shoes and having them dyed. Apparently Sheila chose to disregard my suggestion. Unbeknownst to me, she went back to the store to pay for her dress and ordered dyed shoes to match the dress. During the planning of my shower, despite repeated requests from my cousin, Sheila offered no suggestions, did not offer to help pay, nor did she RSVP. My cousin called her to find out if she would be at the shower. Sheila said yes and she would bring her some money to help offset the cost. My cousin only asked for a little bit of money from the ladies to help defray the cost of the shower. She never demanded that they split the cost with her. Did Sheila ever show up for my shower? No, nor did she call and explain why she did not come. Neither did she email me or explain to me on my wedding day why she did not show up for my shower. Nor did she give my cousin any money for the shower. Rehearsal and dinner were set to be on the Sunday before the wedding. Sheila knew this month’s in advance by could not make it because she forgot about when RHD was and she and her fiancé had already planned a ski trip. They went on the ski trip and did not show for rehearsal or dinner. The day of the wedding. By this time I wasn't even sure if Sheila would show up even though she told me should would come and bring her fiancé (I never received their RSVP, must have been lost in the mail). She did show and she looked beautiful. She helped the other BMs get ready while my cousin helped me. The ceremony was great and all went well. Sheila and her fiancé isolated themselves from anyone else during the wedding and made no attempts to socialize with anyone. A few weeks later, I called to talk to Sheila to see how she was doing. Her fiancé answered and asked why I hadn't cashed the check yet. I asked him "What check?". He said "The one we gave you for your wedding present." I told him I thought we hadn't received one from them since we never saw anything. He said they had left an envelope next to the rest of the gifts on the table (even though there was a basket specifically for envelopes on the table). We have a picture of the gift table and you can see the envelope in the picture but no envelope was ever given to us. I told him so and he said "Don't worry about it. We'll send you another one." Not even a card has been received in congratulations of our marriage let alone a gift or check to this day. I don't mind about the check but I would have liked a card or even a hand written note of acknowledgement of our wedding. I even sent a thank you note to them after the wedding thanking them for attending and being involved in the wedding. HA!    

My husband and I got married in our hometown about 9 hours from where we were living and we knew that without plenty of notice, it would be hard on anyone in the wedding party. Enter (let's call them), Scott and Rhonda. Scott is one of my husband's friends from highschool and Rhonda is his girlfriend. Scott had moved to the same city that my husband and I had moved to and they had stayed good friends. It was important to my husband that Scott be in the wedding even though we knew it would be a financial hardship for them if they had to pay to travel, stay in a hotel and buy/rent an outfit for the wedding. To make it easier, we asked Scott if he wanted to be in the wedding more than a year in advance, we also offered to buy all the groomsmen their attire as our gift to them for being a part of the wedding. We also offered Scott and Rhonda a ride with us to our hometown as well as someplace to stay. On the first night we arrived it was very late as we had had to drive up after work. We arrived at my parents home at around 2am. They had waited up for us and had hot tea waiting for everyone. My parents do not have a lot of money or a large home so in order to put up the extra bodies, they placed air mattresses out on the floor in the spare room to make more space. My husband and I offered the bed in the room to Scott and Rhonda as guests. They took the bed.

The next morning the only thing that Rhonda had to say was that the bed wasn't big enough and that they we not accustomed to having to share a room when they were guests somewhere. Ummm, You're Welcome? What was I suppose to say to that?? Thank goodness we had reserved hotel rooms for everyone for the rest of the time. My parents and my in-laws generously paid for the hotel rooms for all the wedding party. Scott and Rhonda stayed in a nice hotel room, drank Much Much more than they should have at the open bar reception, ate my parent's food, got a ride 9 hours there ALL for free. They never once said thank you for any of these things. Not once. In fact, when we saw them after our honeymoon, Rhonda said to me "Yuck - weddings - Too much money and work I say, we're just going to go to Vegas or something. Your wedding was far too fru-fru for me" Ummm, You're welcome??


One of my close friends from high school - let's call her "Patty" - and I had lost touch for many years, but began to contact each other again a few years ago through the miracle of email. She and I had very little in common at this point (we were in our early 30s) - she still lived at home with her parents (after several unsuccessful attempts to live on her own), and I was living in a big city, having a career, etc. She met a seemingly very nice guy, got engaged in short order, and began to obsess over her wedding - as many women do. One of her interesting habits was to become all kinds of indignant about some perceived slight (bridesmaids not living up to expectations, didn't like the way she was treated by florist, hairdresser, etc.), then she would write a three-page email detailing how she had been wronged, forward the email to everyone she knew (me, her mother, any friends not involved) for comments, and then self-righteously send the email to the offending party. She spent so much time talking to me about the wedding, and was having 8 BMs, so I have to say I was slightly hurt when she did not ask me to be in the wedding. I don't think I'm remembering this wrong - I was 100% supportive of her no matter what she was freaking or obsessing about at all times, but whatever - it wasn't such a big deal. I don't even LIKE being a bridesmaid. Just felt it would have been nice to be asked.

Suddenly, two weeks before the wedding, one of her BMs quits. (I'm sure she had been the victim of one too many lectures on how she was not fulfilling her duties to Patty's satisfaction.) Patty calls me up, hysterical, asking me to fill in. Since I am "supportive girl", I said yes. The BM's dresses, of course, had already been bought and delivered, and the girl who dropped out was NOT the same size as I am. I'm not the same size on the top as the bottom - usually for a formal dress I would have to buy a size 12 to fit my chest, and then have the rest of the dress drastically altered so the bottom half is not four sizes too big. The dress the ex-BM had was a size 6. They sent the dress to me, and it was HIDEOUS - sort of pea-soup green, satin, with a halter top. It was clearly a summer dress, by the way, and the wedding was in December. The reason Patty's cousin (the BM who picked the dress) had chosen it was that it was a "Vera Wang" and she was blinded by the label. As if Vera herself designs the off-the-rack BM dresses! So I find the best tailor in my city, take him the dress, and pray that he can use the 15 inches of extra material from the hem to somehow remake this dress to fit me. He did a very good job, but the alterations cost me over $200 - he pretty much had to take it apart and remake it from scratch. I had let Patty know about the alterations - not complaining, just joking about how difficult it was to make this dress fit me, etc. I had also already made several 3-1/2 hour drives for her shower and other events prior to the wedding (before I was called up from the B-list).

The weekend of the wedding approaches, I am told that I have to come down a day early to attend the rehearsal dinner, so I took a day off work, took the train down (another 100 bucks), paid for an extra night in the hotel room (more $$), and my then-boyfriend (now husband) had to drive the 3-1/2 hours to my hometown alone the next day. Patty then proceeded to have the wedding that she had clearly planned when she was 12, with no deviation from the plan (even though she was in her 30s). The bridal party traveled around town in a sort of trolley car thing, we spent hours having pictures taken in varied locations around town (while my boyfriend stood around knowing no one), then at the reception we had to make an announced entrance and dance with the groomsmen... all this was not my taste (I got married at City Hall), but it was not my wedding, so I went along with it.

About halfway through the reception, I could not stand it anymore - the pictures were all done, people were dancing with their shoes off - and my dress frankly made me look like a stripper. Girls with small waists and big chests should NOT wear halters. Or maybe they should, but I felt terribly exposed and uncomfortable. My boyfriend went to our hotel and got me another dress, one that was perfectly lovely and more than dressy enough for a wedding reception. I could tell that the bride was furious, (I had also declined to have my hair put up in a Marge Simpson up-do), but it was either that or I was going to leave.

Here comes the part that really got to me - as soon as she returned from her honeymoon, she started emailing me that I owed her mother $250 for the pea-green stripper dress. NO ONE had told me I was going to have to pay for this dress (I'd assumed that the BM who quit had already paid for it, or that at least the bride would pick up this ONE thing after basically using me as her "I can't find anyone else, you'll have to do" choice.) I told her that I couldn't really afford it - I was getting ready to get married myself, had already spent at least $1,000 on her wedding, and I felt that I had done her a pretty huge favor, and she could do ME a favor for once by not constantly harassing me for more cash. Also, it's not as if her mother was hurting for money. I must admit, I was sort of not paying on principle, feeling very taken-advantage-of at this point, but I would have sent her mom a check eventually. THEN, however, I got one of the dreaded, famous emails, detailing in the most snotty and self-righteous way possible how selfish I was, how I owed her mother that money, how she knew I had gone shopping in the time since the wedding - using money that was in fact rightfully her mother's - and that if I was not going to send that money to her mom, then she never wanted to hear from me again. She never has.


My wedding was last year, and a beautiful affair, and everyone was so helpful that I still can't thank them enough. There was, however, one notable exception. We'll call him Dude. My husband and I had a Catholic wedding, which meant having readers - three of them. I was elated to include two of my good friends, and my husband asked his longtime friend Dude to be the third reader. The response was a warm "Anything for you, man, this is such a special occasion."

Fast-forward several months; Dude's invitation comes back in the mail undeliverable - no such occupant. We get his new address from a mutual friend after getting no response via Dude's email. Dude never responds to the invitation. We have no telephone number, and so ask our much-put-upon mutual friend to once again help us out by getting the word through. Dude leaves us a message a few weeks before the wedding, leaving a phone number and letting us know that he will definitely be there, no problem. I call the number given immediately in order to let him know the details about the rehearsal dinner. Funny thing - nobody at that number has any idea who Dude is! Once again, our mutual friend agrees to pass along the necessary info (does anyone else get the idea what a great guy our mutual friend is?). The wedding rehearsal comes and goes - no sign of Dude. Well, he only has to read from a piece of paper, maybe something happened to him. We'll have somebody catch him up tomorrow before the ceremony. You guessed it - Dude never showed. I am eternally grateful that one of my parents' friends was overjoyed to step in and do the reading. I made sure to thank him profusely and send him a gift. But wait, there's more!

Several months after the wedding, Dude begins showing up at friendly gatherings. Says hello, of course, but never mentions the wedding. No congratulations, and of course no gift. I understand at some point he turned to my husband once and said, "Dude, sorry I, like, missed your wedding." He didn't bother with an explanation. He has yet to say anything to me even acknowledging that we are married. However, this past Christmas, when we gave our long-suffering mutual friend a lovely gift purchased on our honeymoon, Dude sent a message via the friend asking if we had any extras that he could have. To this day, Dude still informs us, every time we have friends over, that we must have sent his party invite to his old email address. I often wonder how long it will take him to realize that we just aren't inviting him.


Our engagement occurred in November and we started planning shortly thereafter, the wedding happened in June. When I got engaged I decided I didn't want a large wedding but decided to ask 3 girls to be my attendants. One girl (m) had to bow out because she had her college graduation that week and she couldn't afford the plane tickets to fly there. That was alright by me, now I wish I had been able to pay for only her to come! She was the only reliable person involved in the wedding! I asked my friend C to be my Maid of Honor. We have been friends for 8 years and I thought she sounded thrilled when I asked. I asked 2 other girls A & K to be in it as well. I have known "A" for 18 years, and " K" for about 3. I told the girls what dress to order, it was a simple black sleeveless floor length gown for under 70 dollars. I was so happy, it was affordable and they could all wear it again. Well four and a half months later no one has ordered their dress! I called the girls every week (I lived about 8 hours away and was coming back to their hometown for the wedding). I was so livid, I finally got their measurements and tried to place the order. They had sold out of the dresses because the girls had waited so long. So then we began the task of trying to get dresses for them. They hated everything I picked out so finally I said pick out a black sleeveless floor length dress. Make them look similar but PLEASE get them soon. At this point it was 2 months to the ceremony date.

The whole time this has been going on, none of them can call me. I got vague emails from them once every two weeks. No one offered to throw me a shower until 1 week before my wedding, when the MOH knew there was no time to get one together and invite people. A friend here took pity on me and threw me a shower a month ahead of time and we didn't bother inviting the attendants, they wouldn't have paid to fly up anyway. The groomsmen couldn't have been better. They would call me to update me on their clothes & dates and things. One groomsman’s girlfriend was so wonderful that I gave her an attendant gift at the rehearsal dinner. She helped get all the guys to the rehearsal and made sure they all got the right outfits, I should have had her in my wedding as well. Now M, the girl who couldn't make it, called me frequently and always asked how I was doing. She was generally concerned and cared about the day. So my fiancé and I finally get in for the wedding, and 2 days before hand I haven't heard from any of the girls! I had to call them and tell them we needed to meet to go over some things. The groomsman had organized a bachelor/bachelorette party because none of the selfish girls would do anything and if it hadn't have been for them I wouldn't have had any fun. At the wedding rehearsal the girls seemed miffed at their gifts (picture frames) and couldn't wait to get out of there. One of them wouldn't even go out to my bachelorette party and the next day one refused to come with us to the bridesmaids luncheon and wouldn't get her hair done with us. I was fuming, I really didn't think I was asking that much of them, I really just wanted support and friendship especially since I didn't get to see them that often since I moved.

The wedding went off quite well but during the reception I couldn't find anyone to sign our marriage license. I wound up having my parents do it because the maid of honor was chain smoking outside, one bridesmaid left, saying she had to let her dog go to the bathroom, and the other was having too much fun to worry about me. Oh and the dresses they wore were nothing like I had asked. One girl had on a black dress and the back of it was white, the other girl had on a black ruffled dress that came to her knees and the third had on spaghetti straps that didn't support her chest at all. Yet all in all their outfits were better than my Mother in Law, who wore a white flowered dress that came to her knees, white tights and white shoes, with a beige netted shawl with rhinestones stuck in it. It will be a year in June since my wedding. We went home for Christmas and C wouldn't even return my calls to get together, never gave me a gift, and never sent me the photos she had taken at the wedding. ! got married a month ago and didn't ask me to be in it, and my invitation arrived 2 weeks before the wedding, she also never gave me a gift. I haven't gotten K to return my calls or emails and she also didn't give me a gift. M did give me a gift and recently invited me to Vegas to celebrate our friendship. And the groomsman’s girlfriend and I are now close! It's been hard to lose touch with these girls in some ways, but then I have to wonder if they really cared about me as much as I cared about them.    Bmaids0307-03

A friend from college was getting married. She decided that her bridesmaids would be her friends from high school (she had graduated about 7 years earlier). I thought it was a great idea as she still seemed to spend a lot of time with them. Fast forward to a month before the wedding. I ask her about a bridal shower and she has no idea. Her bridesmaids have not planned one for her, so I decided that I would throw one and invite our mutual friends and her immediate family. Needless to say, because I hadn't known her for very long, the shower was quite small with her mom, gramma and our mutual college friends in attendance. I asked her to invite the bridesmaids as I did not know them, but they didn't show. Fast forward to a day before the wedding. My younger sister and I went to her hometown (an hour away) to assist in the decorating. We assumed that the wedding party would be helping out as well, we were wrong. My sister and I ended up helping the bride, her family and the groom and his family decorate the hall. I felt bad that these 'so called friends' were in the wedding party, but did not want to be involved in the process. The day of the wedding, her bridesmaids showed up about a 1/2 hour before the ceremony and left soon after. The bride asked me after the ceremony to join her at the gift opening the next day which I told her sure. I arrived at the grooms parents house to be greeted by his immediate family and hers, but no bridesmaids. I was the only person there that wasn't family. I didn't expect to be a bridesmaid, but I ended up helping my friend more than they did.


This fall, my best friend from high school, *Kara* (and we graduated 14 years ago...) got married to a wonderful man. As soon as they got engaged she let us bridesmaids know we would be needed. There were four of us. Besides me, there was *Susie* another close friend from high school (the three of us were always together), *Jenny*, her best friend from college, and *Brenda*, one of her best friends from a summer job Kara had ten years ago. It had previously been decided that Susie and I would take smaller roles in the wedding given that I was finishing up law school through much of the process and Susie was finishing up medical school. Jenny ended up being the Matron of Honor and Brenda ended up the Maid Of Honor. Brenda was very excited because none of her other friends had ever asked her to be in their wedding before (and she couldn't understand why). Brenda Kara and I all lived in one city and Jenny and Susie lived in another one 500 miles away so it seemed pretty clear that Brenda was going to end up running the show. That was fine with all of us...or so we thought.

*FIRST Brenda, who is easily 100lbs overweight said to Jenny, who was also about 100lbs over weight, upon initially meeting her, "Well it's nice to know I won't be the fattest bridesmaid." Jenny took this as her inspiration and dropped 88lbs before the wedding. Brenda gained at least 10.

*SECOND Brenda originally had made a big stink about how she would wear anything that Kara wanted her to. Later it turned out that what she meant was "I will wear anything you want me to as long as it's strapless and gold." The Bride wanted long sleeve dresses, as the wedding was going to be outdoors in mid-October. It turned out that neither girl would get her wish, as the only dresses that the bridesmaids could wear were ones designed for "plus sized" women, so we were limited on styles. Fortunately we managed to get burgundy.

*THIRD Brenda hated the groom and spent the first six months after the engagement trying to convince Kara that she could do better by getting back together with her abusive ex-boyfriend whom everyone else hated.

*FOURTH Brenda wanted us to use printed cheap invitations for the shower. Another friend of hers sold them. (a married one who didn't want her to be a bridesmaid...wonder why) We told her to forget it, we knew of some beautiful invitations where you could hand write the information. Very elegant, very personal and something that the girls 500 miles away could get together and do. Brenda finally gave in, but insisted that they use gold pens. When the other girls explained that this made things difficult to read, she told them she didn't care. Jenny and Susie followed orders and sent out the invitations. Brenda was heard at the shower saying to a guest "I can't understand what made them use gold's bad enough they had hand-written invitations!"

*FIFTH Brenda wanted to have favors at the shower with the date. She bought matchbooks and pens and chocolate lollipops and candles. Jenny, who doesn't have a lot of cash but does have great artistic ability wanted to do potpourri oils in these cute little bottles. She told Brenda that she wished to do this and Brenda agreed. When the bottles were finished, they were beautiful, but Brenda initially refused to put them out, because they didn't fit in the gift bags she had purchased.

*SIXTH Another friend of ours, Ilene, gets very competitive at showers and tries to win all the shower games (mostly 'cause she thinks they're dumb). She's very good at games and so, of course, starts to win everything. Brenda started screaming at her and refused to give her a prize. Brenda gave it to the second place finisher instead, who promptly handed it over to Ilene as she was the proper winner (17 out of 20 in bridal bingo). That made Brenda burst as she sputtered and yelled about how it wasn't fair and Ilene wasn't really a friend of Karat’s anyway and shouldn't have been invited.

*SEVENTH After having long discussions about how we were all broke and would just go in together on a single expensive present for the shower (which Brenda not only agreed with, but was the instigator of) Brenda gives Kara a gift basket worth hundreds of dollars in addition to the joint present, making the rest of us look cheep (not to Kara, Kara knew what went down).

*EIGHT She insisted on having the hair person spend an hour and a half to make her hair look...exactly like the bride’s!

NINE She got offended when my family got up and sang her a song, it's a tradition in my family and Kara had done it for me when I got married. Even though only two of the bridesmaids participated (Susie and me), Brenda felt, as maid of honor, she should be included as well.   Bmaids0312-03

I was friendly with two coworkers (Thelma and Louise) - one of whom was getting married (Thelma). The third friend (Louise) in our little group happened to be better friends with the Thelma than I was, and when the Thelma's cousin bowed out of the wedding party because she was generally an evil witch, she asked the Louise to substitute for evil witch cousin (Cruella). Despite the fact that the dresses were $200 - not extravagant but certainly $200 that could be better spent elsewhere rather than on a hideous bright coral puffy sleeved dress with a generous amount of rhinestones and a huge draw-attention-to-my-butt-bow (and this was NOT 1985, nor a sweet sixteen so completely outdated dresses) - and despite the fact that Louise felt it odd that she be in the party in the first place (they were close but not THAT close), super sweet Louise gave the affair a big ol thumbs up and put on a smile as she fitted herself in a dress that was a color that should only be reserved for hunter vests and highway construction workers.

Fast forward to just prior to the wedding - Cruella decides once again that the universe does indeed revolve around her and she should be in the wedding party. Tempers flared, mean words uttered but everyone shifted and rearranged and made room for Cruella - who decided to throw herself head first into shower planning, bachelorette party planning etc - and when I say head first, I mean usurp the entire planning process without regard for anyone else's input. I thought she was going to attend Thelma and her future husband's honeymoon, she was so overbearingly and needlessly involved. Louise grumbled about what a buttinsky Cruella was (and how her ideas basically sucked as a whole even though Cruella acted as if she invented sliced bread every time she suggested an idea) but Louise grit her teeth, smiled, went on with the whole event, and prayed that the weeks prior to the wedding would just fly right by. So the wedding day arrives and Cruella shows up and barks for everyone to stand here and hold flowers there and your posture should be like so and what did you do to your hair, etc. I went back to say a super quick hello to Louise and Cruella sneered at me as if I stepped on her kitten and abruptly and rudely ushered me out as if I were a bad bad doggy (which went over well with me). So the wedding goes off without a hitch, Cruella drinks and backs her butt up onto the dance floor and generally makes a spectacle of herself (even though I'm highly amused), shaking her thing all over the place (all. over. the. place.) and throwing it at every male possible. (every.male.possible.) Now, normally I wouldn't point out physical appearance but it happens to be an integral part of the story. Cruella is not a small girl. Perhaps 5'4" and nearing 200 pounds. Also, Cruella wasn't the most attractive of women. Overall, with her attractively challenged appearance and her not wet dishtowel personality, Cruella had a hard time landing dates and was getting older and hearing the internal clock ticking louder...and LOUDER. She was desperately trying to get a man, and was not succeeding partially because of her brazen approach and mostly because everyone there knew she was generally mean and bitter and knew to stay away from her.

Bouquet throwing time arrives. Reluctantly, I get pulled up to the floor by Louise and Cruella stands on the other side of me. I'm basically the meat in a hideous orange dress sandwich. Thelma tosses the bouquet and I'm sure just like in the movies it arcs back perfectly in slo-mo right into Louise's (not outstretched) hands. It's a nice moment (Louise's then boyfriend was soon to propose) but only briefly as Cruella had to ruin it again and shoves me aside to rrrrrrrrrrip the bouquet right out of Louise's hands. Louise and I stand there mouths agape, wondering if anyone could be more rude.

Well, luckily there's karma and luckily it's a tacky-ish wedding and the garter ceremony takes place (I think it's a tacky "don't" but I could be wrong considering I'm not yet married). The men are ushered onto the floor and the groom tosses the garter and it sails directly toward the group of bachelors...who are oddly, stepping aside and AWAY from the garter. Someone obviously invited Moses to the wedding because the group of men parts like the red sea as the garter plops on the floor and a huge silence engulfs the room as everyone looks at it for a good 30 seconds, but nobody dares pick it up - nobody wanted to go near Cruella, let alone under her dress! After an decently uncomfortable silence, Louise punches her boyfriend in the shoulder to pick up the garter to truncate Cruella's humiliation, but the damage was done and everyone there knew that nobody wanted to touch that garter with a 10 foot pole. Hopefully Cruella took the extreme rejection as a clue and changed her attitude!     Bmaids0328-03

When I got engaged my friends were all very supportive and helpful for the wedding planning to begin. I thought that my girlfriends would all be great to have in the wedding party. Because I had become close to two of my friends I asked them both to be a maid of honor. If I had known that one of them was a spoiled brat that wanted everything to be about her I would have never asked her to be in the wedding at all.

It all started with the dress. I had chosen a black velvet dress that was long and simple, with a little bit of embroidery in the back of the dress. I took the dress to show all the girls and they all agreed that it was perfect and it flattered all the different figures that they had. About a month after we had purchased the dresses I heard from some of the bridesmaids that Monica, the spoiled brat of honor, was saying that she did not like the dress at all. The next time I saw her I confronted her saying that if she didn't like the dress she should give it back and I would cut her from the wedding. Monica swore that she adored the dress and there was only one thing that she didn't like but it was because she didn't like her arms and the dress had spaghetti straps. I told her that we ordered long gloves, but we were still waiting for those to arrive. She than said that she would love to wear the dress and she wanted to be in the wedding very bad. I thought this was the end of it and she also seemed very sincere in her lying.

Wedding plans progressed and everything was close to being done. I was, however, still waiting from the officiant to finalize ceremony plans. I was fully aware that the officiant wanted to see all of the attire so they didn't have anything offensive in the church. I agreed and understood. I also did not know that Monica, the brat of honor, still did not like the dress because if made her look too matronly. She did not choose to inform me because if she did, I would simply remove her from the wedding party. So the brat of honor's plan went into play. She decided to moan and groan so much that her parents had the officiant come over to look at the dress. Upon his arrival to her home she told him that she was so uncomfortable wearing the dress that she wanted to just show him the dress on the hanger. He explained he wanted to see her in the dress. So she put it on and left the back of the dress entirely open and told him this was the way that it was supposed to look. When in reality the dress had corset like ties that criss crossed to close to back. The next time I saw the officiant, which was three months before the wedding, he told me everything was good except the bridesmaids dresses. Seeing the angry redness come upon my face he decided to explain. His explanation was that there was a concern expressed to him and he decided rather than to offend anyone to have me replace the dresses that cost my parents over six hundred dollars. He also could not tell me who expressed the concern. I put two and two together and knew that it was her. I confronted her and she lied and said that it wasn't her who had the problem and she loved the dresses. She immediately changed the subject and said that if I needed any help finding new dresses to let her know. I wanted to take her out of the wedding but this close to the wedding day my mother wouldn’t let me change anything. So the rest of the bridesmaids and the other maid of honor sympathized with me, but even the four of us could not figure out how to get her out of the wedding without a lot of anger and cost. So she continued to be in the wedding but the two bridesmaids, the other maid of honor, and myself all hated her eternally. Anybody who knew about what she did hated her eternally. Her stunt to stay in the wedding and still be able to change the dress cost her and the rest of the girls a lot of money since my parents could not pay for the dresses again. Her relationships suffered a great deal because her personal taste of dress differed from that of others and her persistence to be in the wedding overcame her judgment. 


We were married 5 years ago and people STILL talk about this guy! "Drunk Boy" had a rep for being an idiot drunk. My husband thought that he could hold it together for a day....but couldn't be done. Before the ceremony he had smoked a joint, as well as had a few beers. I didn't know any of this until I watched the wedding video. He was fine through the formal Catholic (read: LONG) ceremony. But as soon as we hopped in the limo to get pictures taken the guys ripped into a cooler full of beer and champagne. I didn't have a problem with it as long as everyone could be responsible. I guess it was too much to ask of Drunk Boy as everyone else was happy tipsy, not idiotic drunk. We had had a formal reception at a local country club. During the garter removal at the reception, Drunk Boy stumbles out to clap Husband on the back. In the process he manages to drop his drink and shatter the glass all over the dance floor. This is the second glass he broke that night. He bellies back up to the bar and my dad overhears him ordering another vodka gimlet. After he stumbles off my dad tells the bartenders to cut him off. He asked to dance with the mother of the groom. They start dancing until DB tries to cop a feel. She holds her cool nicely and simply walks away. He also tries to kiss MY neck and "hug" me! I tell another groomsman (Chris) to get him away from me or DB will be really sorry if he doesn't. Chris and Husband call a cab for Drunk Boy. Husband pays for it in fact, with cash out of his own pocket. They deposit him in the cab and tell the cab driver Drunk Boy's home address. Apparently, Drunk Boy told the cab driver to drop him off at a bar instead of home. I'm sure he made quite a sight in some seedy dive all dolled up in his tux. We got quite a show when we watched the wedding video. Nothing like a slurred congratulatory message. And I was confused as to why his parents and his girlfriend all declined an invitation to the wedding. After that night, I never doubted why!     Bmaids0531-03


 It was going to be my best friend's wedding. She asked me to be in the bridal party, but had chosen another friend as the MOH, due to us not keeping in touch as much. I was fine with that, no problems. The MOH had planned a bachelorette party in a party town about 45 minutes away from the city we all lived in. She arranged accommodations with the information that it would cost us to stay there. I couldn't do that and most of the mutual friends the Bride and I shared could not stay there either due to money restrictions. So the MOH had to change all of the plans for the party, because "no one wanted to drive an hour away and stay in an expensive hotel." So needless to say she planned the party for a club in the town we all live in. We all meet at her house and started drinking. I had brought all of the beer and the Bride was grateful, my minor contribution. I decided that I wouldn't drink much at all, only a beer, so I could be the designated driver for some of the other mutual friends that wanted to party. I also live 20 minutes away from the MOH house and club. So I wanted to be safe on the way home.

Well we get to the club and the Bride and MOH and rest of their friends have already started drinking up a storm. My friends and I finally locate them and proceed to get the Bride a drink. Everyone is having a good time and I look over and see the Bride barely able to stand, she tries to sit down and the MOH tells her she can't and to stand back up. I tell her to let her sit down before she falls over. The Bride then turns a not so complimentary color, I ask her if she needs to head to the bathroom and she nods. Well, we were in an upstairs lounge and the bathrooms were downstairs. I am standing in front of the Bride to make sure she doesn't fall down the stairs, the MOH decides that she should come and help. So she hangs out behind the Bride to make sure she doesn't fall backwards. Well about half way down the stairs, the Bride loses it and throws up all over my back and in my hair. The MOH starts laughing, I keep my composure to ensure that the Bride gets to the bathroom. The MOH takes the Bride into a stall and helps her out. Meanwhile I am at the bathroom sink ringing out my shirt and cleaning my bra and hair. Finally another girl in the party comes in and helps me clean up. The Bride comes out and is barely able to stand, the bouncer of the club tell us we need to get her out. I comply and ask the MOH to help me get her back to the MOH’s house. She says she just needs to pay her tab. The bouncers make me take the Bride outside, so I set her on the curb and she is barely able to hold her head up.

About 15 minutes go by and no MOH, I ask the door guys just to keep and eye on the Bride while I try to go find the MOH. I get inside and she is sitting down with another drink in her hand saying that "her job is done, the Bride is wasted." I go up to her and start yelling at her, she then says she can't pay her tab until the bartender comes back. I am just livid, do I ask for the keys to her house so I can get the Bride into bed. She lets me have the keys to her house and the girl that helped me clean up in the bathroom says that she will come and help me. Meanwhile, I have to leave all of my friends at the bar, but tell them I will be back for them. So this girl keeps running her mouth the entire way home about the Bride and her drunken escapade the week before. I tell her nicely to keep quiet. This does not help, she keeps nudging the Bride for responses. I am just pissed off by this point. We finally get the Bride to the house and get her in some pj's. I get her a glass of water and a bucket for any other messy episodes. She thanks me and I tell her I will call her in the morning. The other girl then decides that the Bride should have an ice pack on her eyes. I tell her to leave her alone and to let her sleep. She gets a little huffy and I explain that The Bride is the kind of drinker that likes to be left alone after excess. So as I am leaving after taking care of the Bride, which should have been the MOH since the Bride would be staying at her house. The MOH comes running up her driveway and pushes me out of the way and asks of the Bride is okay. I tell her she is fine and in bed.

So I finally head back to the club to get my friends. I get them all home safe and sound. The next week is the Rehearsal Dinner and we all have a great time. I get no thank you from the MOH for taking care of the Bride at the Bachelorette party. In the morning my husband and I take the Bride and groom to breakfast. We had a great time and then the Bride asks if I could come and help set up the Reception Hall for the wedding. I tell her no problem. We get there and start setting up. The MOH shows up an hour after she was supposed to be there. We realize that we are missing things for the reception, so I volunteer to go and get them. Meanwhile the MOH is goofing off and getting herself locked in a room. It takes us about 20 minutes to get her out. The wedding was beautiful and went without any hitches. After all is said and done, it comes time to clean up. The MOH brought her unstable younger sister to the wedding and after they both had a couple of drinks throughout the night. The MOH needs to take her sister home before she gets to out of hand. So my husband, being the sweetheart that he is, stays and helps me clean up. The Brides parents are very grateful for the assistance. The new happy couple is leaving for their honeymoon the next day, so I offer to pick up anything that they need to leave at the hotel the next day. I also end up offer to take any left items to the Grooms parents house and the Brides parents house. Needless to say, the Bride doesn't really talk to the MOH much anymore. The Bride thanked me for all the help and said that she should have made me the MOH. We are still friends and have a great time together. Bmaids0528-03

I have enjoyed reading the stories on this sight and have commiserated with many of the brides who have submitted their stories. I have finally decided that my personal story may in fact deserve a place here with all the others. When my fiancé finally asked me to marry him, I was of course thrilled. I knew that I would ask my best friend from high school to be my maid of honor. We became fast friends when we met our freshmen year. We shared bad times and good well after high school, and met at least once a week to watch TV and spend time as girlfriends. She was excited and thrilled for me , at first. As time went by and the wedding got closer she seemed less thrilled and more distant. I had never wanted to be one of those brides whose only thought was about her wedding, so at all of our weekly get togethers, I made the extra effort to make sure that we talked about other subjects and to maintain our friendship by just having fun.

The time to choose the bridesmaids dresses came and I wanted all the bridesmaids to wear a dress that would flatter each of them the same. But I also wanted all of them to be the same colors and style. My MOH and I decided the best way to accomplish this was to have the dresses made with two different patterns put together. This was not going to cost much extra because one of my cousins is a seamstress and was willing to make them for $75 ,which each of the attendants and the MOH agreed was reasonable. The only snag was that this cousin lived 2 hours north of us. No problem. One bridesmaid lived close enough that going to my cousins was not out of the way. My Moh and my sister (the other two bridesmaids) agreed to take a day and let me drive them to my cousins. Great one problem down. I agreed to pay for the material for the dresses and the ladies just had to pay for their own shoes, any style. The day we have decided on to make the drive comes and my Moh decides that she doesn't feel like going. One of her cat's is not feeling well(she really loves her cats). She says her sister can sew and that all need to do is give her the material. She assures me that it is no problem. I have seen some of the things that her sister has made and they were fine so I agree. My sister and I take the drive she gets fitted. My dress is also taken care of.

Things are running smoothly. The wedding is in three months, the other two brides maids dresses are coming along nicely . One girl had gotten pregnant and so my MOH volunteers the material from the under part of her dress. The dresses are like a one piece dress straight down under a crushed velvet burn out shell that opens in the front. Very flattering and forgiving lines. The fabric store did not have anymore of the original material(we had to special order it in the first place) we had to get a material that was slightly lighter for my MOh.She says luckily this isn't a problem because she is the MOH and can be different. This irks me a little, that wasn't my original intention, what can you do? Except roll with the punches. We roll on. I haven't seen my MOH's dress yet. I ask her about it. She says," Yeah. I showed my sister the patterns and the material. She can sew well, But she is not that good." What?!? Deep breath. Temper and panic in check. I say"Ok, I can get you to my cousin this weekend. We can get it done quickly enough that there will be no chance it won't be done before the wedding." My Moh assures me that no it's okay her sister just doing the dress a little differently in the way she joins the two different patterns together. This is ok she says because she is the MOH and she can be a little different.

She decided to hold the bridal shower, a month before the wedding. As the day got nearer no one had received invitations, even though people in my family had made plans to be there on the day My MOH had planned. Some of the people planning to attend were from out of town and had informally inquired what day they should make their travel arrangements. She just never got around to writing out the invitations. My mother and my Aunt got together and made out invitations for the bridal shower, To make sure that none of our local family and friends, who had not been told informally ahead of time would feel snubbed by not being invited. The party was still held by my MOH and at her house. The party was great. But, My cousin brought the bridesmaids dresses so that they could be shown off and to make sure that girls had them ahead of time. My MOH also proudly showed hers off. They were not all similar. The two bridesmaids had beautiful dresses of flowing purple and dark lavender, with a beautiful beautiful crushed velvet burn-out shell. MY MOH had this tight light pastel lavender sheath dress with just two tiny swatches of the very expensive crushed velvet material on the breasts( I had given her a complete dress worth of the stuff). This dress was also way to low-cut for a traditional Mexican catholic wedding. Luckily our priest was blind. The wedding was in a month. There was nothing to do but to suck it up and roll with the punches. Did I mention she also had this nice tattoo on her back, that would have been covered by the original design of the dresses, But somehow was not? The wedding was nice. My MOH's tattoo and dress were a topic of discussion though amongst my family. Also, although she had always been very thin before, she had gained a little weigh. I don't think she wore a slip and I think her underwear may have been a little tight. She had visible panty lines and bulges. That's ok though. We didn't have to see her in the dress for too long at the reception. She changed soon after the dancing started into a pair of jeans and a white cotton tank top with a glittery picture of a cat on it(I told you she loved those cats!). I have pictures to prove it all. Her favorite cat died that night. I think she resented me for having my wedding on the night her cat died. We got into a fight when I came back from my honeymoon. She said I had been nothing but selfish since I got engaged. I honestly don't think so. I tried the whole time I was planning my wedding not to ask for too much from people and tried make everyone happy. I think I let her walk all over me. We didn't talk for almost two years. We are trying to be friends again, but, I can't be around her for very long. She acts like nothing ever happened and sometimes talks about how hard it was to be in my wedding dealing with my mother.     Bmaids0516-03

Thanks for such a great site. Now I don't feel so alone... When my husband and I were planning our wedding, we were fully aware of all the "snafus" that can occur during this stressful time. Caterers, florists, and other miscellaneous troubles befall even the most well planned nuptials. I was hoping I would be spared. Not so. Apparently, my sister-in-law (husband's 1/2 sister) is one of little class, no grace and zero responsibility. Granted, at the time she was 19 (I was 31 and my hubby was 29 when we married), but her youth was no excuse for her behavior. She had been notorious for irresponsible behavior in the past.

To start the wedding-fiasco rolling, she "invited herself" into the wedding party. Fine. No big deal. I did not expect any "duties" from her except for getting the dress. Our wedding party was small and I wasn't too bothered by her brazenness. It gets better though ... 8 months before the wedding day (late January), I asked my 3 attendants to please be sure to order their dresses so that we'd have enough time for delivery and alterations, as is usually the case. My maid of honor and my other bridesmaid ordered their dresses right away. Not my SIL. 3 months later (April), I asked K when she was expecting the dress in. She said, "Oh! I ordered it a month ago. It should be in soon." "Great!", I said. The next month (May) I asked her if she had done a follow up. "Oh! I ordered it a month ago. It should be in soon.", she said, again. Hmmm... interesting. The next month (it is now June, we were getting married in August and my other ladies had already had their first fittings), I again ask K about the dress. And again I get, "Oh! I ordered it a month ago. It should be in soon." Now I'm P.O'd. I remain calm with her and decide to let her bury herself.

July rolls around. She doesn't respond nor show up to my bridal shower with no explanation. A week later, I get an e-mail from K telling me about these "great shoes she found for the wedding". No biggie, right? Nope. You see, I wasn't picky about the style my attendants wore as long as they were comfortable. My ONLY request was that they not be those big, chunky platform shoes that were in vogue. I'm kind of on the short side and my MOH is much taller than I so, I really didn't want anyone adding any more height, know what I mean? Anyway, you guessed it - the e-mail was all about these CHUNKY shoes she found. She also tells me - IN THE E-MAIL about how her dress will be in (without alterations) 10 days before the wedding!!!! I had a stroke! That was it. The last straw. I went berserk. She couldn't understand why I was upset (mind you, this is all happening while I'm at WORK!) I then called my unsuspecting fiancé and flipped out on him. He tried to calm me and even tried to call the bridal shop where she got the dress to try to get it in faster.

Apparently, in the few minutes between my speaking to her and he calling the bridal shop, she called the bridal shop and told the owner to LIE for her! Any way - long story short, I kicked her out of the bridal party as graciously as I could stating that it was unfortunate that it didn't work out but we'd still like to have her share our special day with us. We fought. She called me immature. However she agreed to come to the wedding and we "tried" to be civil. Fast forward to the wedding day. She didn't even show up. Forget about me - think of my hubby! She hurt and disrespected him on his wedding day, which I will never forgive her. 6 months after the wedding (for another reason entirely) I happened to be in the same shop she said she used. I casually inquired with the owner about what happened with K. It turns out that she HAD NEVER EVEN ORDERED THE DRESS!!! She had inquired whether he could get it or not but NEVER put a deposit down, thus the dress was never ordered! She has no idea that I know, since my hubby and I have been together for 5 and a half years and will be married for 3 of those this August and we have still not heard hide nor hair from her. Class act, don't you think? Thanks for listening to my story!    Bmaids0515-03

First let me give you some background. They had a renaissance wedding in a church. There were 7 bridesmaids and groomsmen (which included the MoH and BM) and two ring bearers, no flower girl. The groom wanted all his closest friends in the wedding, including his brother in law and nephew (the two ring bearers were his nephews too but much younger). The bride didn't know exactly who all to pick but finally did. Let me mention that the groom and the brides sister are in a band together. All of the band members except for the bass player stood up with him, along with his other choices and two other friends he had (including my fi who was the BM). So the bride decided to have all the band girls too, which did include the bass players girlfriend. Now she asked her sister to be the MoH, thinking she would be responsible enough to take it on. I was of course a bridesmaid. To her avail three of the girls were a pain to get fabric for their outfits (the grooms mother made ALL the clothes for the wedding). These three were her sister and two other band girlfriends. Myself, the other band girlfriend, and the other two BM weren't as hard. (two of those being her future SIL and niece).

Well towards the end of the whole thing one BM was complaining about having to check to make sure her outfit fit correctly. The day before the bride was saying she just wanted her to show up and that would make her happy. The other BM claimed to hate weddings and was only doing this as a favor, but wasn’t really into it. It showed the whole time before the wedding and at both bridal showers (I'm getting to that). Her sister (MoH), never helped with anything until the day before the wedding, and believe me both me and the bride were shocked she did that. Now her future SIL threw her the family side of the bridal showers. Her sister as the MoH was going to do the friend one. I asked her about two months before she was thinking of having it if she wanted any help. She declined. Then a month before she had planned on having it she tells me that she can't do it and if I want to it's all mine. I was glad cuz I wanted to do it but upset that she had said no and then dumped it in my lap. It did turn out ok though. I was furious at her for doing that to me. Then to top it all off we decided to have the bachelorette party the same night as the guys. Her sister wanted to do it after the rehearsal dinner (which was on Thurs since another couple was getting married the same day as them later in the afternoon and had the Fri night rehearsal dinner) but the bride and I, plus the grooms mother thought we should get to bed early since we had to get up earl the next day to finish last minute wedding stuff. So the bride and I changed it and told everyone or someone (the guys of each girl) that it was the Fri night instead. The guys went to the club we all frequent and even though it was a special band night, got in free due to us knowing the door girl and manager. Since it was for a bachelor party and he knew us all they got in. The MoH and two band girlfriends mentioned earlier went with the guys. They claimed later to not have known that we were having the girls party at the same time. They also claimed to have stayed downstairs (there are two floors) away from the guys but the BM brought his younger brother with video camera and there are pictures of the girls upstairs with the guys. Now it ended up only being me and the bride for the party. SIL and niece couldn't come (did I mention SIL is 7 month pregnant) and other BM found out last minute and had other plans but did apologize. We had fun anyhow. Luckily the wedding went off without a hitch and everyone was good. I did find out after the wedding and have been told several times as I've been planning my wedding that toward the end the groom and bride were trying to find a way to fit me in the MoH dress (she is about 5" taller than me and a beanstick). I forgot something that I remembered last night. There were a few problems pre-wedding while we were getting ready. The three band member bridesmaids (MoH included) took forever to get ready. The MoH was there same time as the bride and one of the other ones showed up dressed. But they weren't helping to get the bride ready. I got there early and got dressed fast, even got my hair done quick. Then I started trying to get everyone else ready, including the bride. We had a few snags in clothing that seemed to fit at the last trial and the suddenly didn't in certain places that had to be pinned up. At one point the three bridemonsters were putting on their makeup while the bride was trying to get ready. Now part of the problem with the bride is she had to help her mother get ready (she didn't mind that) but it put her behind. There ended up being a bunch of pictures that didn't get taken and while the bride was getting her hair done, she looked like a deer in the headlights. I found out later she thought she wasn't gonna be ready in time. I can't remember when I said it or what I said, but at one point I got ticked off at those not helping and said something about it being the bride's day and we needed to help her get ready (isn't that the MoH's job?). Anyhow I found out later that the one who hates wedding almost told me to shut up. Good thing she didn't or I would have gone off on her. This was not her day but the brides and who cared if they looked great with makeup done and everything? But after we got the bride ready then things went great.        BMAIDS0408-03

This is a MOH from hell story. My Mom had a smallish wedding and held the reception and my Grandparents house. She has a very large family (13 siblings) so there should have been plenty of people to help out. She had a younger sister as her MOH, another sister as a bridesmaid and the best man's daughter as flower girl. The MOH begged to have her best friend as a bridesmaid, and even though my mom really didn't know her she agreed. It turned out to be the best decision she made. Her MOH and other sister were supposed to prepare the flowers the night before, but instead they decided to have manicures done and didn't want to "ruin" them. The one sister was still a teenager, but the MOH was old enough to know better. Then they didn't tell my Mom they hadn't done the flowers until late that night. Most of the other helpful relatives hadn't arrived or were cooking for the reception the next day, so the MOH's friend stayed up half the night helping my Mom do them, so neither of them got much sleep. This girl also helped my Mom's best friend (who was very pregnant and couldn't stand in the wedding party) make the wedding cake and assemble all the party favors. The day of the wedding the MOH took over the only real dressing table in the house and refused to help set up anything to bring to the church or for the reception. She locked herself in the room where my Mom's wedding dress and the flowers were because she said she wanted a nap, so someone had to jimmy the door to get the dress out. The MOH's friend then did my mom's hair and helped her get her dress on. My Mom and Dad sent her a really nice present from their honeymoon since she had been the perfect bridesmaid. My aunt has never really stopped being selfish, and my Mom has always been a little cool to her- especially since when she got married she demanded that my Mom (a seamstress) make all her bridesmaids dresses and the cake.     Bmaids0623-03

My best friend from college, Donna, was getting married. The bridesmaids are to give her a Bachelorette Party. There's 5 of us, so this SHOULD not be a problem. I drive over an hour away and plan on spending the night there. One bridesmaid calls and says she has to work sorry, one calls and says that she has a sick child and can't come (mind you, she lives 4 hours away and this is now 1.5 hours before the party), 2 bridesmaids don't show up until after the party starts. So.....myself and the bride and one pregnant friend set up the party, the food, the drinks, everything. One of the guests shows up with a cake made to look like "man parts" and demands that the hostesses pay for it. Later a stripper shows up (same guest hired him) and she demands that we pay for that too. The bridesmaid that had the sick child had earlier in the week, unknown to us, bought gifts for all 30 of the guests!! I have never heard of such a thing. Then she asked each of us, in a phone call, to send her $60 EACH to pay for the gifts. At that point, I simply refused!! How tacky! Toward the end of the party, the bride wanted to go hit a few bars and the guests all wanted to go, but someone had to clean up. While deciding who would stay, the other 2 bridesmaids snuck out and left, so the pregnant friend and I stayed. We cleaned up, took care of all the food and drinks, and transported gifts back to the brides house. Never again will I help to host a party!     bmaids0425-03

My husband to be and I both lived in St. Paul, MN, but were getting married in a church that I had worked at when I got out of college. It was also near my home town and 250 miles away from where we lived. Tom's friend, Charlie, who also lived in St. Paul, was to be one of the groomsmen. The rehearsal was Saturday morning and the wedding Sunday afternoon. Charlie was to arrive late Friday evening. I wasn't too worried when he wasn't at the rehearsal, but by noon on Sunday, I was getting upset. Tom called Charlie's parents and they said he had picked up the tux and left around suppertime on Friday and they hadn't heard from him. He never showed up.

One of my sisters said she would light the candles and sit with my parents, so there wouldn't be a bridesmaid without a groomsman. Those were the days of "Edwardian" tuxes, which the men in the wedding party wore. My sister's boyfriend had a brown Edwardian suit and I wanted him to stand up with us, but everyone convinced me it would look strange with the black tuxes. After we returned from our honeymoon, we received the wedding gift from Charlie and his parents, with no note of explanation or apology. I stewed about it for a couple months and finally called him. I said I thought he was Tom's friend and we had been worried that something had happened to him and that I would like to know why he never showed up at our wedding. He replied, "You never will find out, will you.?" and hung up on me. My husband called back, but he wouldn't talk to him. His mom kept apologizing for his behavior. We figured, knowing Charlie, he stopped for a drink somewhere and ended up picking up some girl and spending the entire weekend with her. He had just purchased a Pontiac Grand Am and I had visions of revenge - pouring sugar in his gas tank, slashing his tires, etc. Of course, I didn't and we never heard from him again.


The stories I've read here over the last few years were helpful in my decision to have a VERY small wedding(less than 20 people in attendance) in the hope that my wedding would not end up here, but here it is. My husband and I decided to have our VERY small wedding in a chapel at one of Las Vegas' fabulous hotel/casinos. Our Best Man was a mutual friend of ours for several years(we all met while serving in the military). My husband and I will admit that we have always known our Best Man is stingy, selfish, and cheap but nothing could have prepared us for the inconsideration and rudeness he showed us on our wedding day. Taking into account that BM won't even go to lunch with friends unless someone else pays for his meal, we were not surprised when he brought up the issue of possibly not being able to remain as BM because of financial constraints. BM and his wife both have successful careers and are hardly in a financial stranglehold(they can afford to go on vacation every summer). My husband graciously offered to pay all of BM's expenses and made the arrangements for hotel accommodations and plane tickets.

Fast forward to the day prior to the wedding. My husband and I meet the BM and he tells us that his daughter had been in a minor car accident a few days before and that he almost didn't come. We were shocked! This was the first we had heard about it. My husband and I are both understanding people and realize that car accidents are traumatic events and naturally the BM's concern for his daughter far outweighed any need to attend our wedding. But apparently, he couldn't be bothered to make a short phone call letting us know that there had been an emergency and to make other arrangements in case he couldn't make it to the wedding. Luckily, he did show but I get chills down my spine thinking that BM would be so rude as to stand us up at our wedding without a phone call. And yes, we did leave our cell phone # and the hotel's information with him for just such an emergency.

But wait, there's more. My husband told me this story the day after the wedding. Apparently, 1 HOUR before the ceremony BM calls my husband in his room and says that he forgot to put some items on his Dress Blues(military uniform for those who don't know) that are REQUIRED to be there and asks if he has any extras. The answer was no, he didn't have any extras and it was too late to do anything about it. He would just have to hope no one noticed. No chance of that happening. My stepfather and uncle both have Active Duty time under their belts. Yes, the BM's Dress Blues were noticed by those with military experience. No, my family did not have the lack of class to mention it during the wedding or to the BM himself. Anyone can make a mistake but this is a high ranking soldier with almost 30 years of service. Bmaids0701-03

A long time friend (B) of mine was finally engaged several years back they were planning a wedding about 18 months away. Her sister (A) was the MOH and another friend (S) and I were bridesmaids. I knew there would be trouble when she told me that I had to stop trying to conceive my 2nd child, (I've had years of infertility it took 3 years to get pg with my 1st child). UM NO, not going to happen so I told her the wedding was 18months away I would not actively TTC during the 2 months prior too or after the wedding date, she was not happy but agreed.

In her excitement we all (minus the sister who lived 2500 miles away) went dress shopping and she selected her dress and bridesmaids dress for us, this was still about a year before the wedding date. So we grudgingly coughed up the $220 for the dress and went on our merry way.

All of a sudden its 4 months later and we have not hear BOO from the bride in that time (we all live in the same town) despite repeated attempts to talk to her. We get a call from her about this time that she has changed her mind on the dresses and wants to go out again. But didn't I just say that we'd paid $220 for dresses no matter they store will take them back for a $50 charge. So she finds new dresses and they are $300. She doesn't NOT PAY the $50 or the difference in the dress either. She reminds us that she was a bridesmaid at our weddings and we didn't compensate her for her dress (S's was $40, mine were $100 BIG DIFFERENCE)

The design of the dress was very nice for small busted women which A and S are, but I being a 40F it was NOT. So I had to pay up an additional $40 to have the dress altered to fit my bust line. Upon seeing my ENORMOUS boobs in this dress my friend freaks and says NO WAY I am wearing this. Mind you I have now paid nearly $400 on dresses and I haven't gotten shoes or undergarments yet. I'm a SAHM on a tight budget plus I've finally discovered I'm pregnant with my 2nd child. A few more alterations to the dress and it is church appropriate (another $30)and the bride is happy.

Another 3 months go by with out hearing boo from the bride. Its October and she informs us that her sister will be coming home for Christmas and we will be having her bridal shower then. We 2 bridesmaids are floored the wedding won't be for 8 more months plus its Christmas 2 of S's children were born in December and my 1 child was born at Thanksgiving and I was due in January we were still broke from the dresses and now had to throw a shower for nearly 40 people. With no help from the bride or the mother of the bride or sis who is now planning her own wedding. We managed to pull it off by making all the food ourselves (mind you I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant) . So I in all my pregnant glory waddled my way through this shower that S and I planed, and paid for and busted our butts on, thank goodness for my mom, sister and S's mom and sister or it would have just been the two of us doing everything and I could barely stand. We served a brunch and cake and all the trimmings of a formal shower. The only thing B said to us about the shower was how embarrassed she was for us at our cheep gift For her gift we made a basket up with a handmade cookbook, that we had bound and 2 kitchen towels and 2 dish rags (ones she had registered for) we really were broke.

We then got a pre printed thank you card from B for all our trouble. 4 more months go by before we hear from B again, Mind you I've had another child by this time (actually she came the day after the shower 3 weeks early from all of the stress) and I got no visit no, card in the mail, no phone call of congratulations nothing from her. She calls us to tell us that she hopes we haven't cut our hair because we will be wearing up dos, and that she's made up her mind about the shoes and jewelry.

At about 2 months before the wedding we start to hear from B EVERY DAY sometimes 3 and 4 times a day (makes us long for the days we didn't hear from her for months). Whining and complaining about this that and the other thing.

Finally the wedding day arrives and we spent hours getting ready and running around to get everything done, make it through the 10 minute ceremony and 2 hour reception that they had to shut down early because everyone left right after dinner. She got mad and stormed off and didn't say boo to either one of us. She sends us another pre printed thank you note for our trouble.

1 year later we finally hear from B again (she still lives 15 minutes away now) she is preggo and wants to know if we'll throw her a baby shower. Guess what we told her. :)    

We were very good friends in high school (although she was always clingy, and needy, but my Mom said she needed a friend). . . we drifted apart in the years following, but in the 10 years that followed High School, I was in not one, but 2 of her weddings (which were both stories in and of themselves). So when it was my turn to get married, I asked her to be a bridesmaid. She accepted, saying how thrilled she was to be there for her "best friend" (she still has this illusion that we’re really close). So I pick out dresses, and tell her where she can get it (a national chain store, which considering she’s about 800 miles away, is a good thing) … she keeps putting it off, and putting it off, then saying that she’d just have her current husband’s aunt MAKE the dress, which I say NO to..and I keep telling her that if it’s going to be too much problem, that I wouldn’t be offended if she just bowed out of the wedding. . . but no, she wanted to be there for her "best friend".

About a month before the wedding she still has no dress (I’m thinking this is OK since it’s an off the rack kind of thing) … but then she tells me that it doesn’t come in a size big enough for her (which means she’s put on serious, serious weight since the last time I saw her!!!) .. but it’s OK because she’s ordered two dresses and is going to have them sewn together! Ummm OK…but when the first dress arrives she calls me and informs me that it fits … whew! That’s a relief. It’s also about this time that she informs me that her father is getting married the morning of my wedding … but it’s just at the courthouse, and since my wedding isn’t until 5pm that she’ll be able to make it to both … she doesn’t want to go to his anyhow, and this is her excuse to get out of there early. . . but comes time for the rehearsal, and she’s shown up (with her MOTHER, because at 29 years of age she has never gotten a drivers license) … it’s ok, since I did grow up with this girl, and knew her mother … and since her husband had to stay where they live so he could work, mom is also her guest (and ride) to the wedding. Rehearsal goes well …. Although she is the furthest BM away from me, but that’s because I’m much closer to the rest of them … they also are all skinny minnies, and she is not, which doesn’t bother me any .. but might come into play later in the story.

At the rehearsal dinner, however, I’m doing the "bride" thing, mingling with the guests, and having a good time. Psycho BM comes up to me, and asks me if I can go with her to get her Mom’s car (Mom can’t walk that far due to health issues) . . . I’m really taken aback by this request, and do it … even though my Dad was really mad that she’d asked me to do this, and not him. Wedding day…Psycho BM is not in on the hairdressing appointments since she’s going to her fathers’ wedding that morning, so we make plans to meet her at the church prior to pictures being taken … so when I arrive at church to get ready, I call my Dad to ask him to bring something I’d forgotten, and when I do he tells me that Psycho BM has just called and that her Mother has "fallen" and that she’d try to make it to the wedding (didn’t think she’d get there for photos), but that she’d have to skip the reception … well whatever … I’m a little busy, you know?

So while my husband and I are taking "our" pictures, before families joined us, guess who shows up IN TEARS … Yup…that’s right. Psycho BM. . . all apologetic, and begging my forgiveness for her not sticking around for the wedding … and would I hate her forever? Again, what can I say, I’m a little busy, I’m getting married in a little over an hour. So I send her on her way. Apparently she also has talked to my dad, whom she offered the use of her dress to anyone who might be able to use it … ummm yeah, I’m going to be able to come up with someone IN YOUR SIZE, an hour before the wedding to step in. It all worked out though, as the young lady who was to be our candle lighter stepped in and filled the vacant BM position, so numbers wouldn’t be uneven … her dress wasn’t exactly the same, but it was amazingly close! She was thrilled, and we had my 18 year old brother’s date light the candles. The only contact I’ve received from psycho BM since then was a Christmas card. We’re 5 days away from our 1 year anniversary!! Lets just hope she never asks ME to be in another one of HER weddings!        Bmaids0729-03