Etiquette Hell = Where the ill-mannered deserve to go


Main Page/Home

The Faux Pas Archives
Wedding Etiquette

Bridesmaids and Beastmen
Bridal Showers
Bridezillas and Groomonsters
Faux Pas of the Year
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme
Guests From Hell
Tacky Invitations
Wedding Rugrats
Just Plain Tacky
Tacky Toasts
Thank You Notes From Hell
Tacky Vendors
Wedding From Hell
Wicked Witches of the Wedding
Perfect Bride
Bridesmaid Dress Incinerator



Everyday Etiquette

Baby Showers
The Dating Game
Ooops! Foot in Mouth Disease
Funeral Etiquette
Gimme Hell
Holiday Hell
Just Plain Tacky
It's all Relatives
Every Day RugRats
Road Rage

Business Etiquette

Bad Business Etiquette
Merchants of Etiquette Hell
Bad Bosses

Faux Pas of the Year




Press Room/Contact



The "tortured" and the "torturees"

Spring 2000 Archive
Jan-Jul 2000 Archive
Jul-Dec 2000 Archives
2001 Archive
2002 Archive
Jan-Jun 2003 Archive
Jul-Dec 2003 Archive


My husband and I had a very modest wedding and reception. I had two bridesmaids who I believed were my closest girlfriends. One of them, Angela, did her best to be helpful in many ways. The other, Sandy, was a whole other story.

My husband and I were planning to go to Germany so I could meet his family two days after the ceremony. A few days before the ceremony, Sandy informed me that she had wrecked her car and she needed me to use my credit card to rent a replacement while it was being repaired. She said she would pay for the rental-- but she balked at getting the extra insurance so that I would not be liable if she wrecked that vehicle too while I was off on my honeymoon. I was in such a state of pre-wedding nerves that I think I let her get away with it.

We planned beer and wine only at the reception, except for the drinks for one beloved elderly lady guest, who only ever drank dry martinis. As Sandy's only task associated with the wedding, I asked her to get some good gin and vermouth for our honored guest. Sandy did not know how to make a dry martini and did not bother to find out. She turned up with a bottle of gin and another of sweet vermouth. Our dear guest had to drink the driest martinis of her life-- straight gin, in fact. (I did not tell her, and I really do not think she minded.)

The weirdest part was Sandy's approach to all the guests who were unfamiliar to her, notebook in hand, to get their names, addresses, and telephone numbers.

By the way, I ended my friendship with Sandy a couple of days after the worst day of my life, the day when my best friend was murdered. That was after she said she would be willing to get together with me, but I mustn't talk about the murder, because she was having family trouble and she just couldn't deal with it.


My story is not as bad as some that I have read but I will still tell it. I had three bridesmaids in my wedding. We made arrangements to get our gowns sized at the bridal shop. Michele did not show up. Later I had to call her to find out her son fell and she had to take him to the doctor (and no, I don't really believe that story--I think she didn't have the deposit money and was making excuses).  She eventually had her gown size ordered.   After the gowns were in I called her to see if she picked hers up and if it needed any alterations. She told me no, it looked great. I told her that was odd since the other two gowns where in need of major alterations.  Next time I went to see her I asked to see the dress and she told me she was keeping it at her father's place because she did not what her toddler son to get into it. Ok I believed that story.   The Wednesday before the wedding the bridal boutique calls me to ask why Michele has not picked up her dress. I was mortified. I could not get in touch with her but did leave a message with her mother. As of my wedding day I had no idea if she was going to show up or not. She did and worn the dress unaltered and it looked it. Never did tell me why she lied to me.



Hello, Miss Jeanne! I know you hear it often, but this site is just wonderful; I really enjoy it, so much so that I thought I should submit my own tale of wedding-related bad manners. It certainly isn't nearly so bad as some I've read on Ehell, but at the time it was an extremely uncomfortable situation.

To begin, some background; the bride (we'll call her "Tina") was an old friend of mine from high school and junior college. We were fairly close during those years, but after she transferred to a university and I moved across the country for work, we fell out of touch.

Fast forward two years; I was back in our hometown, having been laid off and forced to move home with my parents so I could resume attending school. I ran into Tina unexpectedly, and she informed me that she was getting married to a man she'd met at university. I congratulated her, oohed and aahed over her engagement ring, and assured her that of course I would be quite happy to attend her wedding.

A year after that, everything being set for the wedding, Tina was nice enough to invite me to it, and to secure me invites to her bridal shower and bachelorette party as well. The former was thrown by her younger sister, who was MOH, and it was a very nice, enjoyable little party of perhaps fifteen or twenty people. I couldn't afford to bring a gift, but Tina was gracious enough to send me a thank-you card nonetheless, thanking me for attending.

The bachelorette party was a week later. The BMs, C, D, and J, were throwing the party, and it was to start at C's parents' home, after which the party-goers would caravan to Canada (we all live very close to the border), as the MOH was underage, and the drinking age in Canada is lower than it is in the US. We were all to spend the night at a reasonably nice hotel, and there was to be much in the way of barhopping and strip-clubbing.

The evening of the party I arrived at the starting point at the stated time on the invitations, and since I'm always religiously punctual, I wasn't surprised that I was the first person there. However, the next guests didn't arrive until forty-five minutes later! No matter; we played the requisite naughty games, had a good laugh at the bride cutting into her erotic and rather well-endowed cake, and generally had a fun time.

Eventually everyone piled into the provided cars and set out for Canada. On the way we two backseat passengers had to listen to BMs D and J complain how the MOH had grabbed up some of the prizes from the phallic piñata; in their opinion, all the prizes should have gone to the bride. Silly me; I'd been living under the assumption that all the fun of a piñata is that everyone gets prizes. Besides, what does a married woman need with penis-shaped refrigerator magnets and ice cube trays? One would think her husband might protest looking at a phallic symbol every time he went to get something from the fridge. But, I digress.

The morning after the party, the three BMs gathered all of us guests in one of the two rented rooms while the bride took a shower in the other. C, D, and J thanked us for attending and handed each of us an envelope with our names on them; then, they went back to their own room. Imagine my disbelief when I opened my envelope and found a SASE and the following message:

"Dear friend, thanks so much for coming to Tina's party. Since we three BMS don't have much money, we need each of you to contribute $50 to help pay for the food and for the hotel, since it was pretty expensive. Please mail a check to C's address in the enclosed envelope. Thanks again! Signed, C, D, and J."

Needless to say, I was horrified and embarrassed, as I was in college at the time, and living with my parents because I couldn't afford anything else; $50 was a lot of money! No mention of helping to pay for the night was made before the party; they sprang this on us after, when we were all in a foreign country, eighty miles from home! The MOH, who was also in college at the time and also lived with her parents, had still managed to pull together a very nice shower for her sister with no monetary help from anyone. She was positively furious with C, D, and J, but she made us all promise we wouldn't breathe a word about the "bills" to the bride.

Happily, there's a satisfying conclusion to this story. The next day, Tina apparently found out what her BMs had done. I received a call from her that afternoon, during which she spoke in the low and steady tone of voice that I know means she was very angry. She told me in no uncertain terms that I was to rip up the bill from the BMs and not send them a dime. I was all too happy to comply.



Hi, Love your site. I read it all the time, and can't wait for the new updates. My story is about my wedding in 2000. The complete inconsideration of my husbands 2 brothers and their wives, and his best friend was and still is unbelievable to us. We had a small wedding at a beautiful greenhouse which just so happen to be on the edge of the historic main street of our town. Well, just down the street a little way, there was a pub. Apparently the draw of that pub was more important to my husbands brothers, sister-in-laws, and best man and wife then our wedding. After the ceremony, we were trying to get some simple family pictures. It was such a beautiful setting so we knew these pictures would be so wonderful. 

Well, no sooner had we set up to take pictures that the above mentioned group started grumbling about taking these "f-ing" pictures, when can we leave to go to the bar. They were being really obvious and everybody knew that they were not happy that they were having to waste their time getting pictures. The whole time my MIL and FIL were right by them, but they thought they were just being "guys". Whatever! Finally I asked my husband to say something as they were GD this, F that, and we still had the Minister and happy family members there. Well, we got the wedding party pictures taken and were going to take a group shot of each side of our families. We decided to let them go first as to not have to listen to the complaining anymore. Well, we go to get them and they were all gone. They had gone to the bar to drink. Amazing! We ended up going to an outdoor gazebo to get some shots and had nobody from the wedding party there except my Maid Of Honor because all the groomsmen and their wives were busy drinking, so we didn't want just pictures of the bridesmaids only. I should have went ahead and done it, but we had some beautiful shots with my bridesmaids at the greenhouse. The outdoor pictures turned out beautiful of just the two of us, so that's all that matters. 

Oh, and I have to mention, my husband had been in all three of their weddings, threw bachelor parties for them, stood around for tons of pictures at his best man's wedding, all while going to school full time and working full time. But, they could not be bothered to take any f-ing pictures at his wedding. This really hurt my husband, he loves his brothers and best friend. But, being the wonderful person that he is, he has let it go and we've been married now for 5 years and see his family often (the live 10 hours away).

One last thing... when we are ordering pictures, my mother in law keeps complaining to me that there is only pictures of MY side of the family. She keeps drilling me as to where my husbands 2 brothers, sister-in-laws, best friend's pictures are, as if I purposely left them out. I had tried not to lose my cool, but finally, my wonderful husband said, "Well mom, that's because they all couldn't bother getting their f-ing pictures taken and were at the bar!". She commented that she didn't know that was all going on. Yeah, like I would just get MY family's pictures taken. WHATEVER.


I come from a rural background, and where I grew up, weddings are pretty informal occasions. None of the $30,000 affairs that I see now that I live in a major city! My cousin's recent wedding was no different that most of the small-town style weddings I've gone to growing up, and I can really appreciate their simplicity even if some aspects of these weddings can be a little bit tacky (i.e. purple crepe paper and purple silk carnation decorations).

The groom and bride had a simple outdoor ceremony. They are Pagan, but since the groom's family is devoutly Catholic, they had a JOP marry them in a non-religious ceremony to avoid a family feud. The bride and groom were both so happy and in love; it was very touching to see them as they wept and read their vows to each other. However, their friends and the paid photographer/DJ were truly an embarrassment to them both!

One of the bridesmaids wore giant platform shoes with her more traditional bridesmaids dress. Worse, she was wearing some kind of jingle-bell ankle bracelet that made a terrific amount of noise as she clomped down the aisle. However, one of the groomsmen was MUCH worse. Clearly he had been drinking, and in the middle of the Ceremony  he pulled out what first appeared to be a cell phone from his pocket. It was a flask! He took a large swig (this is DURING the vows mind you) and proceeded to offer it to the other horrified groomsmen.

To add to this embarrassment, the photographer (who I think was a student) was totally obtrusive during the ceremony, positioning and repositioning herself feet from the bride and behind the altar throughout! (Perhaps she did not have a longer lens?). During the VFW Hall reception, the DJ could not read his cue card and made an ass of himself trying to introduce the bride and groom as he had no idea what their names were.

This is an unfortunate story as the Bride and Groom were very nice people who were just trying to have a modest wedding on a budget (their own dime) and to include their rather hick friends. I guess the lesson is to hire professionals or no one at all, and don't hesitate to exclude the friend who you know, in your heart, is going to misbehave.


I was honored to be asked to be a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding.  His wife has sisters of her own and several close friends, but asked my sister and me to be in the wedding party.  Many things went wrong with the planning.  Three years later, I still have not received my invitation to the wedding.  I still have not received a phone call back from the organizer of the bridal shower about where I can send my gift because I lived across the country and could not make it.  And naturally my dress was hideous.

The worst came two days before the wedding when I realized that I did not have a ride to the ceremony!  Although I had already spent about $500 for the dress and accessories, had flown across the country and brought with me a lovely and expensive selection of California wines for the bride and groom I had to arrange my own transportation to the ceremony and reception!  The bride had seen fit to make sure that she and her sisters had white Lincoln Town Cars driving them, but my sister and I had no ride, and don’t even live in the state so we didn’t have our cars with us. 

Just when I thought we would have to take a bicycle built for two to the church, a friend loaned us a nice car for the day.

My wedding is in a few months and there are no sister-in-laws in the bridal party.  By the way, three years later I’m still waiting for my thank you card too.



This is a cautionary story about not asking old friends out of obligation...

When my husband and I got engaged, I asked three friends to be bridesmaids, including a friend I'll call "K," with whom I'd been friends since we were 12. K seemed a little hesitant to accept, citing money, time, etc. I told her that basically all I cared about that she get her dress, the rehearsal and the wedding itself. I would completely understand if she needed to bag out of any showers, bachelorette parties, etc that happened to come along, no explanation necessary. And of course if for some reason, she needed to leave the reception early, that was fine as long, although I'd appreciate it if she could stay for the lunch. I'd also try to keep dress costs, etc down as much as possible. Having been through a few bridezilla weddings, I was going to work hard to be considerate of my attendants.

Three of my attendants were from out of state, so getting everyone together to go dress shopping was pretty much out of the question. Instead, I send everyone an email asking them if they had objections to any particular styles and what they considered reasonable, cost-wise. Everyone but K responded and they were unanimously against strapless or spaghetti strap dresses. was a January wedding anyway. I asked if they would be ok with me making some selections and then emailing them pics and they could vote. If they were unhappy with all of the choices, I'd certainly listen to that too. They all picked the one that I had actually liked the most (an a-line with a tasteful square neckline, 1 inch tank straps, and a matching shawl to cover their shoulders). Again, no response from K, who wound up going to get measured over a week after we needed to have everyone's measurements in, despite 8 weeks notice as to when this info was needed.

Starting 4 months before the wedding, K starts complaining about the wedding date. Apparently I'm "selfish" for choosing a date during the finals for a graduate course that she hadn't even enrolled in when we set our date. This is a date we'd chosen in part because my two sisters, who were both MOHs, were attending college out of state and it didn't make sense to have them have to come 500 miles in the middle of their semester. Fast forward to the dresses coming in. Unfortunately, the dress shop "generously" measured the dresses to insure that they could cash in on over-priced alterations (I used this shop only because the owner was supposed to be a friend of my mother's). I was horrified when I found out and 1) tried to get a break on the alterations b/c it was the salon's fault. and 2) baring that, I tried to find other more reasonably priced seamstresses. K bitched me out for the salon's mistake (I really felt bad, but I never suspected that they'd pull this). But she flatly refused any offer to fine a reasonable seamstress for her (her dress actually didn't need much work because she'd put on at least 40 pounds in those months...a fact that naturally, I wasn't about to point out). Instead, she decided to complain to everyone about how I was a demanding primadonna. The other bridesmaids weren't thrilled about the dress mishap (not that I blame them), but they didn't take it out on me.

In the last two months pre-wedding (mind you, I'm working, a graduate student, and planning a wedding), K starts sending me weekly emails berating me for being selfish and inconsiderate of her schedule. (I even picked up her dress at the salon for her). I tried diplomatically offering her opportunities to back out, evening offering to cover the cost of her dress. She insists, no, she doesn't want to drop out. She starts complaining how inconsiderate it is that I "expect" her boyfriend to be there. Uh...actually I don't like the guy (he's got the personality of an eggplant and is completely caught up in his own world. plus he treated his last girlfriend horribly) but was trying to be polite in inviting him...they've lived together for 2 years so it's not like I could get away with ignoring him and not be making a pretty big etiquette faux-pas of my own. Knowing that he and a few other bridal party SOs wouldn't know anyone else, we opted to forgo the usual head table and seat them together with their partners to make things more comfortable. Apparently, K thought that that was tacky.

At the rehearsal dinner, she b*tched and moaned the entire time about how much time things were taking. She kept making comments like how I'd have to be more accommodating of her schedule for my second wedding. She also made several divorce-related jokes within earshot of my SIL, whom she knew damn well was going through a painful divorce. I was ready to kick her out of the wedding party and uninvite her at this point. My SIL is one of the sweetest people around and it really burned me to have K pulling something like that. But something inside of me told me it would be too late at that point.

The next day, she made us all late to the (completely optional) hairdresser's appointment by showing up 20+ minutes late. We were pretty annoyed, especially after her antics of the previous night. My husband and I had food set up at the hair salon, both so the bridal party wouldn't starve (lunch wasn't until 1:30) and for the hair dressers who had graciously come in early for us. Of course my hair dresser was 45 minutes late, no explanation or apology, so I was stuck listening to more of K's complaining while I had my hair and makeup done, flustered because I didn't like running late (though thankfully had scheduled in ample time so as not to keep my hubby and our guests waiting much beyond the scheduled start time). We get to the church and K stomps up to the minister and says, "How late is this g-ddamned thing gonna run, because I'm on a schedule." One of my other bridesmaids yelled, "This is (My Name)'s wedding day, you should be ashamed of how selfish you've been." That briefly shuts K up.

We get to the reception and mercifully, our photographer runs straight through the pictures quickly. K is talking loudly to anyone who'll listen about how selfish and inconsiderate of her schedule I am and then proceeds to whine about the cost of the dresses and how ugly they are to our guests. Further divorce jokes. As we're about to line up, K comes up to us and tells my husband that he needs to go punch out the photographer because he groped her and claims my sister saw. I take stuff like that seriously, so I asked this sister who said that the photographer never touched K. (K generally dislikes men and has been known to over-react to something as simple as a guy saying "hi.") All of this through the lunch, much to the discomfort of the surrounding guests, there is further complaining about the dresses and how she doesn't think the marriage will last.

She comes up to me several times to whine about the food (a vegetarian dish she specifically requested), the music (which is in a separate room, with another area provided for guests who don't want to listen to the band). She starts moaning about how she and her boyfriend hate the food, music, etc and how I should have consulted them to find something more suitable to their tastes. She further complains about the scheduling. Mind you, there are friends of my parents, some of who've never met us (parents insisted on inviting) who were warmer and more sincere in their congratulations than K and her boyfriend. Finally, K comes up to say that she's decided to leave (fine with me!). I politely, but perhaps a little coolly, say goodbye.

I get an email from K, 3 weeks later, again complaining how selfish I had been, then asking me to help her move (riiiight). I told her that I was helping my SIL move that weekend (which was actually true, even though I'd never have helped her). She tried to explain "the error of my ways." Needless to say, I haven't spoken to her in almost 6 months.


When my close friend, “Missy,” got engaged, we were all excited. She asked me to be one of her bridesmaids and I was thrilled to accept, as we had known each other since we were very young.

After enduring two separate dress fittings three hours drive away, receiving invitations to no less than seven bridal showers (My bank account was depleted after the third one), giving into the bride’s demand to have her bachelorette party in another state, and listening to the bride’s snotty makeup artist insult the bridal party on the day of the wedding, we were happy for her but relieved it was all over. You’re in a wedding, you grin for the photos and silently bear it, right?

Two years later, while planning my own wedding, I asked “Missy” to be my MOH and she happily accepted. On a budget and handling the planning myself while holding down a full-time job, I probably could have used some advice from a recent bride, or at the minimum, a sympathetic ear. I heard very little from “Missy” in the months leading up to my wedding other than the calls I made to her to schedule her dress fittings.

Fortunately, my bridesmaid “Beverly” helped me keep my sanity. We haven’t been friends for as long, but she called me regularly to offer her help or just listen. She also made the preparation fun.

A few months before the wedding date, another friend called to see how the plans were going for my bachelorette party/personal shower. I had no idea, as “Missy” hadn’t mentioned it and I’d been too frazzled to even think about it. My friend promised to call “Missy” and get an update. She called me back and very reluctantly told me that no plans were in the works as “Missy” had been “much too busy with work.” I had to drag it out of her, but she also confessed that “Missy” had even complained about my chosen wedding date, as this was inconvenient for her and her new husband.

“Why is she getting married in the fall anyway?” Missy had said. “Doesn’t she realize that’s football season?” Funny, I don’t seem to remember “Missy” asking us if the multiple dress fittings and showers were “convenient” for our schedules.

My other friend told me not to fret, she’d put everything together. She called “Beverly” and they threw me a wonderful party to celebrate my upcoming wedding. “Missy” showed up and pretended to be helpful and supportive. I didn’t let on that I knew otherwise and tried to have a good time.

Before the wedding, I promoted my friend “Beverly” to co-honor attendant and listed her name as such in the program. I guess the moral of the story is, be extremely selective when picking your wedding party. Don’t assume just because you’ve known someone a long time, they’ve matured.

And “Missy?” Whenever I rarely hear from her, she always asks, “Why don’t we ever get together like we used to?” Maybe I should tell her to call back after football season.



A co-worker's sister got married. This co-worker was a bridesmaid, and she was very excited about the whole thing; she talked a lot about it beforehand. It sounded like it was going to be a very nice wedding with all the trimmings. After the big day, she passed around photographs that she had taken with her camera to share the day with all of us, since of course we were not invited. When they got to me, I noticed that it was a lovely church wedding, with the bridesmaids in lovely simple satin dresses and the groomsmen all in tuxedos. In the reception pictures, I noticed that some of the guests were wearing blue jeans and casual tops, etc. Looking closer, I saw that they were members of the bridal party! They had apparently changed out of their gowns and tuxes and back into whatever they had worn before the ceremony! I hoped that my co-worker didn't follow suit, but sure enough there was a picture of her on the dance floor wearing jeans and a plaid shirt, her hair still done up in the fancy 'do! (Apparently one of her family members used her camera and took some shots with it.) The bride and groom, I noticed, still wore their finery and didn't change for the reception, and of course the other guests wouldn't have had a change of clothes.

Later that day, I overheard this co-worker telling the story about the casual attire to someone else; I didn't ask her about it. Apparently the groomsmen started the idea; having worn their jeans to the church and changed into their tuxedos there, they decided to change back after the post-ceremony photographs. The bridesmaids then followed suit. My co-worker seemed to think it was FUNNY that she was one of six people at the reception dressed in jeans. Classy.



My husband and I were married last summer.  We had been engaged a little over a year before we married.  From the start of our wedding planning, my husband and I knew who we wanted in our wedding party.  We had no objections to each other's selections, but I did have a few doubts about the Best Man.  I will call him "M".

"M" had a drinking problem.  He had been arrested for DUI several times, and my husband had spent countless hours on the phone consoling him after he'd said or done something regretful while drinking.  There were even a few times my husband refused to speak to "M" for awhile after "M" had said awful things to him while drunk!  I questioned my husband on whether "M" could handle being the Best Man without getting drunk and causing a scene.  My husband said "M" knew how important this day was to us, was completely supportive of the marriage, and would not do anything to ruin the day.

About 6 months before the wedding, "M" was arrested for another DUI.  He was required to make an appearance in court, and was facing possible jail time.  If he went to jail, we knew he wouldn't be out in time to be in our wedding.  Needless to say, this caused a bit of stress, but I never stopped praying and having faith that "M" would be there on our big day.  Luckily, "M" was given house arrest and no jail time.  He didn't have a driver's license and wouldn't for awhile, but felt confident he could get here for the wedding.  He pledged to stop drinking, and everything seemed to be going well.  A short time before the wedding, "M" decided he would be a social drinker.  I knew there was no way an alcoholic could be a social drinker, but my husband assured me that "M" wouldn't ruin the wedding with obnoxious behavior.      

My husband and I were married in a church.  I told all members of the wedding party that I didn't want anyone showing up to the church for rehearsal or the ceremony with alcohol on their breath.  I really was only concerned about "M", but I didn't want to single anyone out.  Nobody had an issue with this request except "M" who tried every conceivable way of getting me to change my mind.  He wanted to toast his best buddy on his wedding day.  Well, then save it for the reception (where tradition dictates you do just that anyway). 

"M" came to stay with us the week before the wedding so he and my husband could hang out before the rush of the wedding.  Three days before the wedding, "M", my husband, and a few friends went cigar shopping and stopped to have a few beers.  "M" ended up very drunk.  He continued drinking until he turned obnoxious, and embarrassed us in front of friends who had come over to help prep food for our rehearsal dinner.  "M" picked a fight with me about seating arrangements at the reception.  Soon I was so mad (and frankly a little scared) about "M"'s behavior that I just wanted to leave my own house.  

Then we got a call that one of our Groomsmen was in the hospital recovering from a sudden heart attack, and would be unable to come to the wedding.  My husband was devastated as he had searched for this person (they had lost contact) for several months to ask him to be in the wedding, and was looking forward to seeing his long lost friend again.  "M" was so drunk he didn't realize what was happening, and began laughing and making jokes about the situation as if he thought we were kidding.  He told my husband to "cheer up, you're getting married."  Then he kept saying, "You need to replace him in the wedding party."  "M" also became quite belligerent when I asked him to leave my husband and me alone so we could talk about the situation with our friend who'd had the heart attack.  My husband took "M" out to sober him up, to no avail.  "M" ended up coming home and passing out.  I was livid, and told my husband "M" was no longer welcome in our home.  I said I would be civil through the next few days, but that was it.      

The next night was the Bachelor Party.  I knew it was going to get ugly again.  However, "M" had sobered up, remembered nothing of the night prior, and apologized profusely when told about how he acted.  Before they left for the party, "M" told the other guys to watch him.  I knew it wouldn't matter.  We had decided to hold the Bachelorette Party at the same place as the Bachelor Party (to start) since we had a lot of mutual friends of the opposite sex.  I left to pick my bridesmaid up at the airport, and when I returned a short while later, disaster had struck.  "M" was drunk, and him and my husband had gotten into a yelling match.  They were so loud the bar manager threatened to kick them out and call the police.  They ended the argument, and my husband had some guys escort "M" from the bar.  He gave "M" some money and told him to go anywhere but our home. 

My husband and I arrived home in the early morning hours to find "M" on our couch (he didn't have a key so we knew he'd broken in), and still drinking.  My husband called the police and asked that "M" be removed.  A few seconds after "M" left our house with the cop, I checked the guest room for our wedding bands.  Since "M" was the Best Man we had given him the wedding bands to bring to the church.  All I found was the jewelry box they came in.  I ran to the door and told the cop I thought "M" had our rings.  The cop asked "M" about the rings, and "M" said they were in the room.  The cop told "M" to get them and give them to me.  He had hidden them in the bookcase!  Good thing I noticed then, or we might not have found the rings for the ceremony. 

At this point, of course, the friendship was severed and "M" was out of the wedding.  We lost our Ring Bearer too ("M"'s son).  It all worked out though, and we had a wonderful wedding day that went very smoothly!  It was nice to know I didn't have to dread the wedding reception, and what "M"'s actions might be after hitting the bar.  It's sad that a life long friendship was severed, but we couldn't help him.  Hopefully someone can before it's too late.



Mine isn't quite as hellish as some others, but still very rude!

When I told Linda - a very old friend of mine - that I was engaged, she was ecstatic for me.  Despite her living in another state, I asked her to be a bridesmaid, to which she happily accepted.

Since Linda lives so far away, I had to mail her the information about the bridesmaids' dress so that she could get measured and order it.  The deadline to get the dresses was March, 6 months before the wedding, and I'm really bad about mailing stuff.  Linda bugged me up until a couple days after New Year's to send her the dress information.  (Which was fine!)  I mailed it to her the first week of January. 

After that, I didn't hear from her in weeks.  My local MOH and I called and emailed her nearly every day to no avail.  Finally, in mid-February she emailed me and said that she had had a bad case of bronchitis and was in the hospital and, of course, couldn't call because of her voice.  (She was also in college, so she was understandably busy.  However, I used to see her online 24/7 until January when she suddenly disappeared.)  Anyways, I told her that was fine, she had until the first week of March and could order her dress either locally to her or she could fax her measurements to the bridal shop local to me to order it.

The last weekend in February, my bridesmaids and I all got together to get them fitted for their dresses.  (All the girls except Linda, of course, and my other MOH who also lives out of state, relatively close to Linda - we'll call this out-of-state MOH "Kathy".)  Anyways, yet again, my local MOH and I called and emailed Linda constantly to see if she had ordered her dress.  In the meantime, Kathy called me and told me she was speaking to Linda at that exact moment online, and that she had in fact gotten measured for her dress.  I immediately signed on and IMed Linda to ask if she had ordered her dress as well.  She didn't answer me and then said "be right back".... after a few minutes, she put up an away message.  Another few minutes pass and I check her away message - it stated that she had gone to the lab for class!  She TOTALLY had blown me off.

Okay, so, the dress deadline comes and goes.  I call Linda constantly and leave her voice mails (she never ever answered her phone, I was always leaving voice mails) ... I informed  her that the deadline that the local bridal shop had given me had passed, and that I had to tell the shop to go ahead and place the order for the other girls' dresses, but that if she was free to order her dress from a local shop, so long as she placed the order within the next week, in order to guarantee that the dress would be in in time to get altered, etc, for the wedding.

It's now the end of May and I haven't heard from Linda at ALL since the day she blew me off.  Once the second deadline I had given her was up, I just assumed she had not ordered her dress and was out of the wedding.  I called Kathy one day and she told me that the day she had spoken to Linda online, Linda had told her that she "may not be able to perform her bridesmaids duties."  Kathy asked her why (which was fine, as she is a MOH), but Linda told Kathy that she would rather tell me personally.  Did I mention I NEVER heard from her again and that she BLEW ME OFF the one time in the past 5 months that I DID finally get a hold of her?

I just don't understand, since she seemed so thrilled not only for me getting married, but to be a part of all this, not to mention hounding me to mail her the dress info.  And then *poof* she vanished.  The wedding is now 3 months away and I'm not sure if I should even waste the stamp to invite her.


My cousin Nicole asked me to be a bridesmaid in her August 2003 wedding.  I agreed, realizing later that she had only asked me because she felt she “had to.” (but that’s another story.) She also had a matron of honor and three other bridesmaids, two of whom lived out of state (one actually lived out of the country).  The two out-of-town bridesmaids never helped with any facet of the planning, including the shower.  As a matter of fact, Nicole wanted to “un-ask” them about three months after she announced her bridal party because she felt that they didn’t really care about her wedding at all (which, they didn’t).  

At the time of the wedding, I was only 20 years old, and so planning the bachelorette party was a little difficult and being that the matron of honor had two children and a full-time job, she gave up after a few weeks of trying to find a date and venue that would work for everyone.  As a consequence, we never had a bachelorette party, the given reason being that it was because I was underage (the only one with this problem).  The rehearsal dinner and wedding day went off without a hitch, the two out-of-town bridesmaids made it into town ok, and I never thought anything else of the bachelorette party issue.

Fast forward eight months to March 2004—I had just gotten engaged and was in the process of figuring out my own bridal party, and considered asking Nicole to be in it, when my mother told me this story:

The night before the rehearsal dinner, both out-of-town bridesmaids, the matron of honor, the other bridesmaid, and the mother of the bride (my aunt) all went out together to a restaurant together.  The kicker?  The restaurant wasn’t over 21—I could have very easily gone with them.  But they never invited me…not even so much as a call to see if I was busy that night or not.  My  mother found out from the third bridesmaid (also my aunt) who called to ask why I wasn’t at the get-together.  Then the truth came out!  Meanwhile, I had been the most enthusiastic of the entire bridal party, constantly offering my help to the bride.  She always refused.  Needless to say, I won’t be having her in my wedding!



My best friend of 20 years invited both my son and daughter to be part of her wedding. I was thrilled. My son wasn't ready for the experience but my daughter was more than ready being in fifth grade. As the activities went on in preparation it was told to me by the bride that all children will be asked to leave once the dinner part of the evening was started. So I said I would have a babysitter escort my son home and she added that includes your daughter. I was flabbergasted, did not know what to say, since she was good enough for the pictures and the story book wedding but not good enough to have a know the meal is over 80 dollars a person she said. 

So, I am torn, fortunately my daughter does not know she was slighted by not being able to stay but I feel she was just disrespected. To top off the experience I was called because the 250 dollar gift we gave was not from the department store where she got points, but from the manufacturer. We were able to give a complete service set for the same cost of only a third of the pieces from he department store. I guess it is not the thought but just the points........

Finally, the bridal shower that her family was having sent invitations out. I made major changes in order to got to it to find out they change the date so another friend would be able to accommodate her needs. Needless to say I am a glutton, I changed my plans one more time and let the family know. I was then told we figured you would not be able to come so don't feel you need to we did not plan for you. HELLLLLLLLLLL

Glad the wedding will be done in six weeks



Great site and sadly, I just realized that I have a story for you!   In college, I was best friends with a woman named "Nancy."  We were also friends with another woman named "Susan." 

Nancy got engaged right after we graduated from college and began to plan her wedding for the following fall.  She asked both me and Susan to be bridesmaids.  The wedding was in Michigan.  I was living in New York City at the time and struggling at best.  I had planned to fly in for the wedding but could not make the shower.  I sent a small gift and apologized - Nancy said she understood. (important later) I flew in for the wedding a few days before and stayed with the bride to be at her new home.  While she and her friends from high school (two other bridesmaids) went to get their nails done, she asked me to stay behind and clean her house, do some of her laundry and make some of the food for the bridesmaid's luncheon - basically become her slave bridesmaid for the afternoon.  For some reason I agreed!  The wedding was the next day.  Nancy was a beautiful bride and everything was lovely. 

Fast forward about 4 years and it was my turn!  Nancy was to be my matron of honor and Susan, a bridesmaid.  Nancy got pregnant about the same time I announced our engagement.  We were all thrilled for them!  My wedding was in late September and the baby was due in July.  Nancy was planning my bridal shower with my Aunts and some other friends were planning her baby shower - I was unable to help as I was living in Texas at the time.  I flew up to Michigan for the baby shower, telling Nancy that I was so glad that I was able to make it for the baby shower since I had missed the wedding shower.  The words out of her mouth shocked me: "Well, you are making it to the important one, the wedding shower doesn't really matter anyway."  This was about 1 month before the wedding shower SHE was throwing me!  My wedding came and went, Nancy really never said a nice thing about it - just snarky comments on how small it was (because we did not want 350 people who we did not know, like she had) and the like.  Susan was nothing be supportive and wonderful, even talking me out of kicking Nancy out of the bridal party once or twice! 

Fast forward to the following summer and it is Susan's turn!  Susan had a small bridal party with just her sister and a few friends from high school.  That did not hurt my feelings in the least, but apparently it hurt Nancy's!  My husband and I were still living in Texas at the time but decided that I could not and would not miss Susan's wedding, she was such a wonderful and important friend.  We bought tickets and flew up to the little resort town where the wedding would be held.  Traveled most of the day to get there, but what else would you do for a friend?  Nancy actually had the gall to call Susan and leave a voice mail telling her she would not be attending (a 2 hour drive for her) because she had a prior commitment...a neighborhood block party!  Are you kidding me?!

I have since broken off contact with Nancy but recently got a long rambling letter from her telling me that she broke off our friendship and I was always insecure about her and Susan's relationship and I ruined their friendship too!  I was not too upset, after all I knew that she had all those friends from the block party that was so important!

I still laugh when I think about that excuse and I have heard them all - I am a Wedding Planner for goodness sake!


My best friend married my uncle, who was 12 years her senior.  I was very excited for the both of them.  She wanted me to be the maid of honor, but understood that I couldn't because I was living in Hawaii on a military base, on a very fixed budget, and the ceremony would be in Michigan. So, she asked her oldest friend (besides me).  M. was very stuck up and spoiled.  When the big day came up, she picked a fight in the limo on the way to the reception with the bride.  She was upset because everyone was focusing on the bride, not her.  Apparently, they fought all the way to reception, and didn't speak for the rest of the time that M was in town.  When my best friend had her baby, M didn't acknowledge it all.  Then about a year later, my friend received a letter asking her to be in M's wedding!  Needless to say, they haven't spoken at all.   Thanks for your time.  


As a teen a friend I'll call Taffy and I promised to ask each other to be maid of honor at our respective weddings.  When I became engaged we had grown apart somewhat but were still friends so I made good on my promise. Taffy suffered from a severe case of envy because I was getting married first, but she kept it to herself--until the night before the wedding.  Hubby-to-be and I had agreed to spend our last night of singlehood apart, staying with our respective honor attendants.  Taffy kept me up until 3 am whining about how she wished she was the one getting married. We were supposed to be reminiscing about the good times we'd had in the ten years of our friendship!  The next morning we traveled together to the church to get dressed for he ceremony.  Taffy had always wanted to wear a flower wreath in her hair, but the groom nixed that idea.  When the florist showed up to custom-design fresh floral pieces in our hair, Taffy tried to get her to create a wreath in her hair on the spot.  I caught on and reminded her that the groom didn't want it.  "But I want it," she whined.  The florist did respect the groom's wishes but Taffy kept asking for more and more flowers and she ended up with more flowers in her hair than I had.


Page Last Updated May 15, 2007