Etiquette Hell Bridesmaids and Beastmen Jan-Jun 2005 Archive

This is a story with me as the villain. At the time of this story, I wasn't even out of high school yet and was working part time at a whole foods store. One of my coworkers, "Regina", had been working there alongside me for only about 4 months. She worked way too hard. She did everyone's work for them, she was a doormat to everyone, and was always cheerful about it. I couldn't understand why she did this to herself, but anyway we became friends. I think I was her only friend in the town, as she had moved there a year earlier to attend a local college. She lived with her fiancé, "Khan," and she was quite lonely.

I call him Khan because he was like the Great Khan. He was so selfish, and mean to her. He ordered her around and was really "kingly" around her. I once hear her call him "Sir." He went out partying all the time and expressed a lot of disappointment if she didn't come with him. After working so hard (as I said earlier) for a lousy part time job, she didn't want to go out at night, but she would sometimes reluctantly go. Once I dropped by her house (a little rented garage apartment) and she was bawling her eyes out saying I had to drive her to the nearby bar where Khan was livin' it up, so he wouldn't be disappointed that she didn't go.

I was very upset with Regina's decision to stick by this guy. It hurt me to see her with him. She deserved better. But, onto the wedding.

She asked me over the phone if I would be her Maid of Honor. I kid you not - I was her only friend, of four months even, in this town when she asks me. I felt so sorry for her. I said the following - "Wow.. Maid of Honor.. I feel so special, Regina. Thank you." This is key for later.

Well the months rolling up to the wedding.... Hell ensued. Nothing Regina wanted was accomplished. She didn't get the hairstyle she wanted. She didn't get the photographer she wanted. She didn't have a lot of the things she preferred because she kept conceding to Khan. It was infuriating, to me. And being as young and immature as I was, I didn't say anything to her. If I were a good friend, I would have told her how I felt. But I only knew her for FOUR MONTHS. I didn't think it was my place to say anything like that to her.

Well the wedding comes closer. Her good friends from high school, who lived hundreds of miles away, showed up to throw her a bridal shower. I knew about it... but I didn't go. I dropped off her present and told them I had to drive a friend to the airport. It was TRUE, but I should have honored my previous commitment (the shower). At the time, I was so disgusted by Khan's treatment of Regina, and her tolerance of it, that I didn't want to be at the shower.

Let's fast forward to the rehearsal. When it came time for the pastor to ask for people to line up, he said, "Let's have the Maid of Honor", and suddenly Regina grabs one of her friends from high school and thrusts her forward. I had very little role in planning the wedding, so I wasn't completely surprised, and yet I clearly remembered saying to her on the phone: "Wow, Maid of Honor, I feel so special." She DID ask me to be her Maid of Honor. I can hardly be angry that she would wordlessly demote me to BM at the last minute though, considering how wordlessly I disapproved of her match with Khan.

The wedding was ridiculous. She got changed into her wedding gown with her brother and father watching football in the same room. I firmly forced them to leave so she could have time to herself. I couldn't believe, and still can't, that she would tolerate that. She desperately wanted them to leave so she could change, but "didn't feel that she could say so." Khan's flamboyant mother and aunt wanted to doll Regina up in this horrendous, hideous hooker makeup and she told me, in a panic, that she did NOT want to wear the makeup, but "didn't feel she could say so." Regina never wore makeup in the whole time that I knew her. I said "you should not wear makeup if you don't want to." She didn't, in the end, but damn it she would have let them if I hadn't supported her wishes.

After the wedding she wanted to have pictures taken at a historic mansion on the edge of town. It was a stunning location for photographs. Khan would not let her have the pictures she wanted. He wanted pictures taken by some trees, and she wanted pictures taken by a nearby marble bridge (twenty feet away!!!!). He wouldn't have it. So, she didn't get the picture. One of the other bridesmaids confided to me, at this time, that she thought Khan was being an ogre. I felt so angry about the whole thing.

I still feel horrible about it all. I wonder if she has written a story to you, Jeanne, about how awful her "Maid of Horror" was at her wedding. I haven't seen the story yet. But I feel terrible that I was a bad bridesmaid. I also feel terrible about Regina's treatment by her husband and that I never said anything. The least I should have done was bow out of the wedding since I disapproved of it so strongly. I wonder if they are still together and if he treats her better. I hope so.

My very close friend was getting married and ask if I could be in the wedding and my boyfriend too. I said of course. She was young, only 20 with 2 kids and I knew they weren't having an all out expensive wedding.

She chose her best friend to be the Maid of honor, they had been friends since they were little. For some reason this girl didn't like me even though we were close in high school. So we never really talked before the wedding. The bride's sister was in the wedding too and I brought to her attention one day that we should start planning the bridal shower. She told me that was the maid of honor's job so I said fine.

About 2 months before the wedding the bride asked me if my sister could join the wedding party because her groom-2-be asked too many men and she didn't have enough woman. My sister accepted even though they weren't friends at all. My mom wasn't thrilled because she had to pay for her dress even though the bride had a future sister in law that could have been asked. About a month before the wedding my boyfriends mother C ran into the bride's mother in town and she asked C if she would be attending the bridal shower tomorrow. My boyfriends mother told her she had no clue and that I didn't mention anything to her. She called me when she got home and asked me about it. Would you believe that the maid of honor planned a small cheap bridal shower and never told me or my sister who were bridesmaids. She didn't even invite us.

The bride asked the maid of honor where we were and she said, " I thought your mom told them" So of course the mom said it wasn't her job. The bride was very upset and called me to apologize. She was afraid I would withdraw. But I was there for the wedding. Now I had an excuse not to talk to the Maid of honor.

When I married 10 years ago I asked a good friend to be my MOH. She was useless. Didn't help with anything - couldn't even find time to come with me to buy a dress. I bought (& paid for) it, the shoes and jewelry for her in her absence. She offered a couple of times to help me put the invitations or mass booklets together but never showed up at the mutually arranged time. She didn't organize a Hen's night for me - another friend took pity on me and organized it even though she wasn't in my bridal party. I was ready to dump my MOH and just have my Mum sign as a witness I was so sick of her not showing any interest. She did show up on the day and stood where she had to, but spent the entire reception sitting on her boyfriend's lap. She didn't bring a gift.

Four months later she was MOH again for another friend and did EVERYTHING she could to help. I was peeved at the difference in her behavior and the glaring fact that she obviously just didn't give two hoots about my wedding.

Roll on 6 years, we'd been out of touch since a year after our wedding - (I had tried to keep contact but gave up after a while it was too much like hard work). Out of the blue she sends me an e-mail telling me about her excitement about her impending wedding. She fills me in on the details and gives the impression that she'd be inviting me. The wedding date comes and goes....I hear nothing....until she sends another e-mail telling me what a wonderful day it was. Complete with photos of the wedding and the Hen's night she didn't invite me to. Just plain tacky.

A childhood friend of mine recently married her high-school sweetheart after seven years together. The wedding was a delight, except for the matron of honor, Tandy.

My friend, Marie, is a considerate and resourceful woman. She kept her wedding as simple as possible, especially since she and her now-husband were paying for everything themselves. Not easy for a young couple just starting out, but they managed quite well: making the decorations, printing the invitations and programs, having some of the dresses made. (Everything turned out beautifully!) Her little sister Jackie was named MOH, and though she is a wonderful girl, she’s only twelve and can’t be expected to throw showers or other such. To avoid family tensions, she named the FSIL, Tandy, her MatronOH, but without any expectations of help from her, either. Tandy insisted each of her five children be in the wedding as well, and Marie graciously agreed, having several ring bearers and flower girls so all could be included.

Marie selected elegant navy dresses for Tandy and Jackie, suitable for any evening occasion and reasonably priced. However, Tandy refused to pay for anything wedding-related for any member of her family. Eventually, she agreed to take care of shoes for her children and to cover alterations to her dress, but only because the MOG (who was making the dresses for the little girls) had agreed to alter her dress for free. Marie and her fiancé (a graduate student and an appliance salesman, respectively) ended up paying for it all, eventually spending their entire honeymoon savings to cover the wedding costs. Marie accepted Tandy’s claims that their family had no money due to having five children, but had trouble reconciling this with Tandy’s collections of designer purses and expensive makeup.

Tandy proceeded to not lift a finger to help with any aspect of the wedding. Of course, throwing a shower never occurred to her. Nor did she attend the small, tasteful shower thrown for Marie, claiming she “forgot.” She also “forgot” to give Marie and the groom (her brother) a shower or a wedding gift! Her dress arrived, and when the MOG examined it and said that she didn’t feel comfortable altering it, Tandy called up Marie and asked her to pay for the alterations! The couple are certainly not gift-grubbers or extravagant spenders, but they were almost completely out of money at this point.

With both attendants either unable or unwilling to help, Marie and her mother had been doing everything themselves, and the strain was proving to be too much. Enter my mother and I. I live seven hours away and was not able to help in the months leading up to the wedding, but my mother, an expert seamstress, helped Marie with dress fittings and made Marie her dream veil. I arrived in town a week before the wedding to help Marie, who was becoming frantic and nearly fell ill. Along with her mother and mine, we took care of the rest of the details: programs, jewelry, garter, centerpieces, flowers, and much more. My mother and I loved helping Marie, but the massive amount of work we did showed me clearly just how uninvolved Tandy was. She was nowhere to be found that entire week, though she also lived in town and, as a SAHM, had spare time during the day. From what I was told, she wasn’t around to help before that, either.

On the day of the wedding, the MOB and I worked on the decorations and kept Marie calm. Tandy finally arrived with her husband, five children and collection of expensive makeup. It was fun to watch her fight her impulses to brag about said expensive makeup, remembering that she was supposed to be the poor mom who really couldn’t afford to be in this wedding! Her behavior before the ceremony, unhelpful and continually attempting to draw attention onto herself, only served to confirm what I’d heard about her from Marie. While everyone else rushed to finish the decorations, get dressed, and entertain the five children, she spent most of her time touching up her makeup and asking people how she looked.

The toast was the kicker. After the best man gave a touching speech about the couple, Tandy took the microphone, wearing a tiara she had taken off her daughter’s head. Pointing to it, she introduced herself as the “honorary flower girl.” Then, claiming she had “seniority in marriage” over the newlyweds, she gave a speech entirely about her own marriage! Complete with trite platitudes unrelated to the newlyweds and no mention of either of them, her speech was all about her. The bride and groom were gracious and smiling, but the guests were rather surprised, and most stopped listening quickly.

Luckily, she wasn’t in the spotlight for long, and the focus went back onto the bride and groom, where it belonged. My brother’s girlfriend, who happened to be one of the photographers, later told me she found Tandy and her speech so unpleasant that she simply didn’t take any pictures of it! Marie, the MOB, my mother and I had a good laugh over that one. Tandy’s happy because she and her children got to try to grab all the attention at her brother’s wedding, and the rest of us are happy because she didn’t succeed!

The first wedding I was asked to stand up in was my friend J's. She's one of my best friends from college. The wedding was rushed because the groom's mother was terminally ill. In fact, she passed away the week of the wedding. We all went to a wake the day before the wedding which was also the bride's birthday. I know! It's incredible, but true.

Anyway, I knew all of the bridesmaids from college except for the Maid of Honor who was J's best friend from grade school. After a beautiful ceremony we rode over to the reception with the Maid of Honor and her fiancé. On the way over we had an interesting conversation.

MOH: How long do you think the reception will be? Me: Um... I have no idea. I think J said we had the place until 10? MOH: 10!!! Oh no no, we made dinner plans! It's only hors d'oeuvres after all.

My friends and I then started elbowing each other and biting our tongues. I could not believe she made plans for the night of her best friend's wedding!

That night the MOH made her speech and left. The rest of us stayed until around 10:30 or 11. I've never told J this story. I don't know if she was upset that her friend left or not, but it certainly made me mad! Not only was it the biggest event in her life, but she could've really used some extra support due to the special circumstances!

This story actually involves my own DF and his etiquette blunder. My DF, I’ll call him Adam, was taking part in his sister's wedding as a Groomsman. Also involved in this sister’s wedding was their brother, we’ll name him Jack, also as a Groomsman. At the time of the wedding planning, Jack was dating a girl, Jill. Jill was asked to be a bridesmaid. In the months before the wedding, Jack and Jill broke up. The sister had enough class, and was close enough to Jill, that planning went on as normal and the difficulties between the couple would be put aside for the event.

Now between the time of the break up and the wedding, Jack meets a new girl, Linda. Things are going fantastic with Linda. So much to the surprise of the family, Jack announces over Easter dinner that he and Linda had eloped to Las Vegas and are now married! Everyone is thrilled for them, glad it is what they wanted and life goes on as normal.

The sister’s summer wedding comes around and everyone is still very happy for the newlyweds, even the ex, Jill. During the ceremony I am seated on the Bride’s side of the church with the new family member, Linda. She seethes through the whole ceremony that her husband, Jack, will be riding in the limo with the rest of the wedding party back to the reception. I try and comfort her through this, reminding her that Jack married her, not Jill. I also remind her that the entire wedding party (minus the B&G) will also be in this limo, my DF Adam included.

During the ceremony, the pastor goes to great lengths to explain how wonderful it is to see young people still attending church, still looking towards tradition and doing things in the traditional manner under the eyes of God. He makes a long speech about how people these days are getting married by a Justice of the Peace, and “even (God forbid) running off to Vegas to get married by Elvis”, yes, these were his exact words; I have this on video for those who don’t believe me. The church goes DEADLY SILENT at these words, the whole family knowing full well where the comment was directed.

At this point, my DF, Adam, who is standing with the other Groomsman at the front of the church, physically elbows his brother, Jack, startling Jack as he fumbled to regain his balance. (This too is on film). The whole church saw this and you could have heard a pin drop, if it not for my own and poor Linda’s jaws hitting the floor. We both slunk in our pew hopefully out of site of the rest of the family for the remainder of the ceremony.

Everything from there on went on as planned, the reception beautiful, but forever on the lovely couple will have the image of the being brothers in front of a church full of people at the horror of the

Two weeks later, I had just about 3 months left to plan my wedding, she backs out. She decided that it was an insult for her husband to be at the altar when another man was having the honor of being the best man. She said that her husband would feel stupid at the head table when the twin got up to give the speech instead of him. Silly me...and I thought my wedding would be about my husband and I. Needless to say, they left us high and dry! Everyone already knew that we had asked them so all our friends knew they'd be choice number two..what an honor that would be!

Having no choice but to ask someone else, I asked another really good friend of mine who also happens to be married. She told me she would think about it. The next day she calls me and says no because her husband doesn't know my husband very well. Ummm...isn't the point that she is MY friend??? Am I getting this wrong?? Finally my brother's wife was gracious enough to step up and be a maid of honor and the best maid of honor she was!! My brother was also man enough to share the spotlight at the head table with another man and even got up to give his own speech after our best man gave his. Class act!! Our wedding turned out to be perfect!!

A couple years ago I was MOH in my best friend's H's wedding. There was only one other bridesmaid, S – who upon hearing of the engagement asked to be a bridesmaid. We were all ages 29 to 31 at the time.

First here's some background. H grew up poor, having no father and a severely handicapped mother. She worked hard though, put herself through college and has a decent job. She now supports her mother, as well as herself. Needless to say her mother could not contribute much to the wedding at all – in terms of support or finances. H's groom grew up in a single parent home and his mother also could not contribute much money towards the wedding. H & groom were financing the wedding themselves, on a strict budget. S on the other hand worked part time by choice, and lived with and was subsidized financially by her parents (I know this from what she has said herself, I'm not presuming her finances). Her parents completely paid for her education, leaving her with no school debts upon graduation, and bought her a car.

First came shopping for dresses. S was never available to shop with H & I for the wedding dress. H had to follow sales due to her budget and was working 2 jobs at the time; she did not have much flexibility. Fine, H & I went, she found a beautiful dress, at a greatly reduced price due to it being a sample & she bought it. Finally a Saturday when we were all available came, we decided to go shopping for bridesmaid dresses. H said we could pick out whatever we wanted in what ever color we wanted, with 2 limitations: no white and no pants. S insisted we should wear matching dresses. I thought "ok". But then we went to shop after shop where H & I picked out dress after dress that we both thought were beautiful and affordable. S rejected every single one. She found only one dress she would consider. It had horizontal stripes across the entire bodice. At the time I was a size 18 (she was a size 3) and I was not keen on horizontal stripes. I mentioned that I didn't think it would look good but agreed to try it on. It looked awful on me, which even H and a sales woman (in a tactful way) agreed. S pouted and complained. Both H & I said, "Well you get it" since H didn't care if we matched. S refused.

After a long non productive day, H suggests we stop at a diner for something to eat. She & I both ordered sandwiches, S orders French fries. During lunch S asks H what she will be wearing. H confused says, "My wedding gown." S continues, "But what about at the party – aren't you going to change into something comfortable like jeans?" H very firmly says, "This will be an elegant party, no jeans!"

When the bill comes, H graciously picks it up saying, "Since you came out today in honor of me, this is on me." I said, "Thank you", S said, "Darn! If I'd known you were paying I would have ordered more!" This knowing full well H is on an extremely tight budget!

Next came the shower. I send S a few emails asking if she has any ideas or suggestions about a shower. She responds that she has no idea about these types of things. Ok. Groom's grandmother offered me the use of her large, lovely home for the shower, with the condition that she would do nothing else except clean her house in advance and be a guest. I thought that was more than fair. I went out bought invitations, got the guest list from H, printed out directions, paid for postage & sent the invites. I sent one to S so she could see it and have directions. I contacted S every step of the way, but she always had excuses for being unable to help. I found great and bought favors and wrapped each. I also bought games prize gifts and searched the internet and came up shower games. Still no help from S. Meanwhile Groom's aunt has offered to help with the food, which I graciously accepted, since S refuses to commit to bringing anything.

The day before the shower S calls me at work and asks for directions, despite them having been mailed to her. The day of the shower S & I are supposed to arrive early to decorate the house, set up the food etc. I show up 2 hours before the party and start working. Groom's aunt shows up & starts helping. Finally half an hour before start time, S shows up and asks for tape. She sits in the middle of the living room and starts wrapping her gift to H (which is a lovely but considering the couple totally unpractical). S is dressed in casual jeans & a t-shirt and barefoot, having kicked off her flip-flops immediately upon entering. Now this wasn't a formal affair, but S was 29, old enough to know to dress a bit nicer, IMO! Two hours into the shower S leaves, claiming she has to go to work (I had picked the date based on her availability!) I'm left to clean up on my own.

Next comes bachelorette party. Again I email S asking if she has any suggestions. She does, and I write them down & thank her. I go back to H and present her with numerous suggestions, some of my own, all of S's and some I've read about or heard other people have done. H comes up with a plan she likes for a low-key party. Ok, no problem, I think her idea sounds fun and easy to plan. I call S to let her know the idea and ask how she would like to help plan. She immediately starts complaining about the idea (to rent a limo, stock it and bar hop to casual pub type places) saying, "It's stupid," and, "No one will have fun!" She keeps insisting on a lounge, which would be expensive, would require non drinkers to contribute to the overall alcohol purchase, and which would involve lots of dancing (ok) but would be too loud for in depth conversations (not what the bride wanted!) She refuses to participate in planning. Fine. I ask her what dates work for her, and took that into account. I planned the party (sent invites, coordinated RSVP's, rented the limo, bought the alcohol for the limo, came up with a list in geographical order of fun bars, etc).

Come the day of the party, S calls and says, "Oh I have to work, I can't make it. But I'll be done by midnight, call me and bring the limo by & pick me up." Annoying but ok. She did not give me the address she would be working at. At midnight and for the next hour we tried calling her, no answer. So she never ended up meeting up with us. The next day she claimed she had forgotten to bring out her cell phone.

By now its 2 months to the wedding and S still will not agree on a bridesmaid's dress. She suggests to H that she wear a white mini dress she already owns. H says, "Sure if you dye it another color, it is after all my wedding." She refuses then suggests, "Can we get white pant suits? They are in style and I really want one, so I know I'll wear it again!" H again, says, No white," and this time adds, "And it must be a dress or skirt, no pants!" H encourages me to go ahead and buy any dress I like. I found a nice, affordable (under $100) plain but very elegant dress & bought it. I emailed photos of it and a link to the store to S. H is thrilled with my dress. 1 month before the wedding and S still has no dress. H goes ahead and buys two dresses, similar to mine but different colors in S's size and tells her to pick one that's it. S reluctantly does, but never pays H back for it (H returned the other).

The weekend of the wedding arrives. It's about 100 miles from the city where we all live. H arranges rooms for everyone and asks that we arrive sometime mid-day on Friday to help set up and for rehearsal. I arrived Thursday night just to be safe. Come Friday, close family and the groomsmen start arriving. Everyone gets there by 4 the latest. Except for S. She calls about 3 or so claiming she is stuck in traffic an hour away. Two groomsmen drove the same route, one arriving about 3, another at 4 (so he would have been in the same traffic); both of them confirm the roads were clear. S doesn't show up until 9 pm, having missed rehearsal. At this point lots of extended family of both bride & groom are in the area and it's become a full fledged party, S knows plenty of people there. S says hello and spends the rest of the evening on her cell phone.

The wedding goes fine, a few hitches but nothing major. As we are all eating our dinner, S announces by the way she will have to leave early as she has to work that evening. She had known the wedding date for over a year, yet didn't get the night off! She then leaves the table after eating, goes & changes into jeans (!) comes back, hangs out for about an hour then leaves, obviously not assisting in the clean up, or even seeing the B&G cut the cake, or hearing the toasts, etc.

I nominate myself for Bridesmaid Ehell for my brother's wedding. Most of my female friends aren't married or don't want to get married so I haven't been in any other weddings, so this was my first time (and so far only!) as a bridesmaid. There were a lot of issues with this wedding, which I won't get into, but could probably make for a great submission for wedding disasters, but I'll just go into where I screwed up. I am normally very good at multi-tasking and being organized about events (I'm in a band so I have to organize a lot of shows etc), but in this case I was entirely to blame.

I live three and half hours away from the bride and where the wedding was taking place, and was not invited to any kind of wedding planning or showers and had no idea who the MOH was. I asked the Bride if there was anything I could do, make invitations etc (I'm a professional graphic designer and artist), but she said she didn't need me to do anything except show up and go to the rehearsal. (So, not a lot to do, and yet, somehow, I screw it up!).

She gave me the name of the Bridal shop she wanted me to get my dress at and told me to get whatever style as long as it was a certain shade of blue and not strapless. I picked out a dress with my mom, and got alterations made and had my fittings to make sure it looked OK. I picked out some matching shoes and a shawl. After alterations, plus accessories, total cost is about $170 or so. The bridal shop puts them in a dress bag and I hang it up on the back of my door so that I have it for when I need to drive down to the hotel.

The wedding is on Saturday. On Friday, I grab my overnight bag, my boyfriend (now DH), and the dress bag. I need to drive 1.5 hours to my parent's house and pick up my relatives (we had a bunch of out of town guests) and help chauffeur them to the hotel another two hours or so away. My aunt, when we get to the hotel wants to see the dress color. I pick up the edge of the bag slightly so that she can see the fabric, but don't take out the dress. We go to the rehearsal dinner etc.

I am staying at the hotel. My SIS offers to let me stay overnight at her place with the MOH, but my brother tells me that there isn't enough room for everyone there and family members are sleeping on the floor. I opt to get ready at the hotel and meet her early at the church. I don't have a car (the car I drove down was my parent's as my own car was back at my parent's house two hours away). I have no ride to the church as my parent's are running around with stuff and won't have time to drop me off early at the church. My brother's BM solicits a ride for me at the rehearsal dinner (makes an announcement, which I was NOT comfortable with him doing) but nobody is able to give me a ride to the church. So I'm hoping I can get one of my relatives to lend me their car in the morning. Turns out it's a moot point anyway, because.....

When I get up in the morning at 8 AM, I take a shower, then go to take the dress out of the bag. Open the bag. It's the shawl. No dress. Apparently, the bag had two separate bags within it with both items and somehow the other one is left at home, three and half hours away. it's 8:15 AM. Wedding is at 11 am. I'm supposed to be at the church at 10 AM for pictures. I run out of the room and tell my mom. She starts hyperventilating. Tells her sister, my aunt. She turns white (difficult for her because she is so tan). My brother, also at the hotel, gets wind of this and starts laughing. I tell him NOT to tell the bride, we'll figure out something. I should mention there are only two people in the wedding party, myself and the MOH, so it's not like there was a bunch of girls and I wouldn't be missed.

My mom, my aunt and I, run downstairs to the hotel's front desk and ask the clerk there if there are any bridal shops nearby. She says no, but there is a mall down the road. It opens at 9 AM. My mom, aunt and I run to the car, where my mom nearly gets us all killed because she is freaking out so badly. We get into the mall just as the doors are unlocked and run to the first department store. We look for anything blue. Didn't see anything appropriate or in my size. Run to the second store and find a bunch of marked down prom dresses. See ONE blue dress that happens to be both my size and the EXACT shade of blue as the MOH's dress (I was originally supposed to have a slighter darker shade of blue so the MOH would stand out more, but beggars can't be choosers!). On top of this, it was a dress that was originally priced at over 100 dollars but due to a bunch of mark downs and the fact it was the end of prom season, it was now a grand total of $7. It was a simple, floor length design, no beading or any ruffles or whatnot. We fit it on and it fits! The shoulder straps are a little lose but who cares! Pay for the dress, race out of the mall, back to the hotel, and my family drives like mad to the church. I get there at 10:45 and race into the bride's room.

Bride had heard what was going on but didn't say anything to me. I match exactly colorwise to the MOH except her dress material has some beading on the bodice. We do the ceremony and take photos afterwards. The guests have no idea this is not the correct dress or notice anything astray (of course, they are paying attention to the bride and groom, as they should).

Wonder if I'll get invited to be in anyone else's wedding? lol Though I did have a wedding a year and a half later and we had no major problems, so I guess the karma god was kind to me. My brother did come up to me before the big day, however, and say, "Don't' forget your dress!"

Okay, to set the scene, I am friends with a very sweet, sensitive guy. This guy is very close to his older brother, who practically raised him. When his brother was married ten years ago, he had no hesitation in asking my friend to be his best man.

The problem, however, was that my friend was only sixteen at the time. When the other groomsmen, made up mostly of college and army buddies of the groom, put together the bachelor party, they didn't invite the teenage best man because they wanted to take the groom out for the traditional boozing and strippers, and the best man was too young to even get into these places, let alone partake in what they had to offer.

When my friend found out about the bachelor party, he threw an absolute fit, even trying to back out of the wedding since he "obviously wasn't wanted", but his parents convinced him to grow up and do as he'd promised. Well, the story doesn't end there. The groom and his bride had planned a wine and champagne only reception, and because the groom's family is of a culture where a little wine at dinner for teenagers is completely commonplace, no one seemed alarmed that the sixteen year old best man was being giving champagne for the toasts and wine with his meal. A little wine turned into a lot of wine as the night wore off, and the sixteen year old best man eventually disappeared entirely. He was found passed out in the reception hall's coat room when guests were preparing to leave, and his brother, the groom, had to drag him to another room, make sure he was all right, and then sober him up enough to spend the rest of the evening sitting with his parents.

Ten years later, these two, still as close as can be and with my friend being much more mature than his sixteen year old self in many other ways, will occasionally play a game of "you didn't invite me to your bachelor party", "well, you got smashed at my reception".

I met someone shortly after moving to the city I'm currently in, and we were engaged within 9 months of dating. All my friends were out of state, so I asked my dearest friend to be my MOH, and my fiancé's two sisters to be bridesmaids. I figured asking them would get our relationship started out on the right foot.

He had two sisters, "Katherine" and "Elizabeth". (Names changed, obviously.) Elizabeth didn't care, which was fine by me. Katherine, however, didn't even let me get the question out – she drove to my house, knocked on my door, and proceeded to tell me that since I was marrying her brother, she was going to be a bridesmaid, and then recited a long list of colors and fabrics she refused to wear. I stood there in shock listening to her go off. I knew that Katherine was a very brassy, loud, kind of tactless person, but I didn't think she'd drive all the way to my house (an hour for her!) and make demands.

Anyhow, I decided that I'd just pick some dresses that I really liked and that I thought they'd look good in and let them choose from the field. (And by "field", I mean like 15 different dresses, trying to keep it as cheap as I could.) This is where the stress started. All I asked was that they make a decision on something they both could wear. I ended up getting in the middle of some massive sibling rivalry.

They could not agree on a THING. I literally ended up spending months putting every bridesmaid gown I could find in front of them. If one liked it, the other automatically thought it was horrible, and would generally insult my taste or accuse me of trying to make her look awful. I started to email them separately so they couldn't see what the other's response was, and they'd actually end up switching their answers so one was still the hold out!

After three months of begging them to make a decision, I finally stepped in and told them that I'd just pick. I'd waited too long to order something through a traditional bridal shop, but I found a department store that had some bridesmaid gowns you could order through them, and it would be much quicker. They had a really lovely blush pink satin A-line that was strapless for $75. It was elegant, and it would look really good on them. It came with a matching satin shawl, so that they could cover their arms if they wanted to. My bridesmaid gift to them was a strand of pearls and pearl earrings they could wear. I really wanted them to look beautiful – not just for the wedding's sake, but to make them happy.

My MOH was a dream… I took her to the mall, told her to pick what she wanted as long as it was pink, and we found a perfect dress that she loved within an hour. (I kept joking I was going to put her in lime green with ruffles and fuchsia trim, and her grinning response was, "That's fine… Just remember, payback's a b***h, and they sell dresses with BUTT BOWS in my town." Lol)

So the wedding comes, and all three girls look lovely. In fact, I got far more compliments on how elegant the bridesmaids looked than on how I looked , which I was actually quite happy with!

Katherine and Elizabeth vehemently disagreed, thought they looked trashy, and went around the reception telling everyone who would listen about the horrible ordeal I put them through, and how I was trying my damnedest to make them look tacky. I had people coming up to me going "I'm sorry to say this, but do you know your bridesmaids are running around badmouthing you?"

I'm attaching a picture of the offending gown. Just imagine it in a soft pink instead. They were both blue-eyed blondes, and looked really lovely and elegant in this. I did not deserve to be badmouthed at my own wedding for the dress choice.

It didn't end there, unfortunately – Katherine got engaged at my reception. When it was time for her to pick bridesmaid dresses, she got her entourage together (seriously, 22 people) and descended on a David's Bridal (poor employees…). Her VERY loud comment as we were all walking in was "I'm not going to be a bridezilla like Jen was. I'm going to let you all pick a dress you can decide on, as long as it's in the color I want you to wear. I'm going to be a nice bride, unlike my sister in law."

Oh, and Elizabeth purposely made me a bridesmaid and then dropped me a few weeks later from her wedding, citing that that was my punishment for making her look bad at my wedding. I wish I was kidding; I'm not.

When my husband proposed to me, I knew exactly who to ask to be my MOH. My best friend (or so I thought) and sorority pledge sister, "Betty". I called her and she acted thrilled and accepted.

I took 3 of the bridesmaids, including Betty, to pick out a dress. I didn't care about the style and they picked a nice one, no problem. Fast forward to shower and party time. Friends threw us 4 parties over 3 months. Betty didn't attend a single one and she didn't bother to RSVP either. She did finally contact me about bachelorette party. She wanted to have it at her condo at the beach 5 hours away from me. A little far away but okay. And I could only invite 2 other people because she didn't want people sleeping on the floor. I had 6 bridesmaids! So we kept it strictly sorority bridesmaids and we had a great time, except for her constantly cleaning up behind us and worrying about her white tile. But it was fun and they spoiled me rotten.

The wedding approaches. My mother sends out bridesmaid luncheon invites and Betty responds that she and her BF are closing on a condo that morning and can't be there till later. This weekend has only been on the calendar for a year now, you think she could have picked another day to close. And I sent out a pre-wedding letter with timeline, etc... Fine! She arrives late, turns up her nose at the food offering and seems miffed that we didn't wait for her to eat. She was 90 minutes late!!!! Her BF who I have also known since college, can't make it to our rehearsal dinner, so we seat her at the head table with us and the best man, who tries to be polite and make conversation but she ignored him all night.

She refuses to get her hair done by my stylist, but then relents and goes ahead and lets her after I say that my Mom is paying for everyone to get their hair done. The ceremony goes smoothly , no problems, As soon as she is announced at the reception, she runs away from the best man to her BF who has finally decided to arrive. I'm not sure if he was at the ceremony. She and her BF sit alone and look bored for the remainder of the reception. They don't dance, she never offered to get me a drink or a bite to eat. The rest of the wedding party decides to throw an "after party" at the hotel we are all staying at. Betty and BF show up for 5 minutes and then try to get the rest of my bridesmaids that are sorority sisters and their dates to go downtown because they thought the party was boring. None of them would go. I don't know if they went out or not. (I found this out later from another sister) Betty and BF left the hotel around 5:00 a.m. - didn't say good bye, didn't go by my parents house for the brunch - nothing!

I have to say my husband was more upset than me - mainly because I was upset. I also heard from other bridesmaids that Betty was upset that we didn't have a dress that showed off her chest - she had gotten a boob job a few months before the wedding. She got engaged about a year later and asked me to be a bridesmaid. I politely declined. Nothing was ever mentioned except her brother kept grilling me about it at her wedding. I just said "I really wasn't able to".

We each had three attendants a piece. I had made a pact with my best friend in high school that we would each be in the other's wedding as MOH. I chose her over another high school friend of mine (I had known longer) that was a mistake. Not that my MOH did anything really wrong but just that I was closer to the other BM than her. I picked out a girlfriend of my husband's best friend as the other bm but she canceled about 4 months before the wedding.

So my cousin filled in for her. Because I asked my two best friends and my cousin, my older sister (by 13 years older) was offended because I didn't ask her. From there on she made my life a living hell. I'd ask for help with things and she didn't want to do it unless it was okay with her schedule.

Than when she ended up not helping me with anything she complained to my mom that I wasn't including her. My parents decided that they weren't happy that I was marrying an hour away from my hometown and decided about a month before the wedding they weren't going. (Yes they did make it finally).

It all came to a boiling point when after rehearsal we went to the reception site to decorate. My sister having had nothing to do with the wedding decided she wanted to pitch in so I tried really hard to be nice. Instead of pitching in she started throwing accusing words at me in front of our parents and my friends. When I told her she could just leave she hauled off and slapped me in front of my entire bridal party. To make matters worse my mom and dad just turned the other cheek and never said a word to her. Well I left the area as to not have to literally "whoop" her so to speak. The groomsmen had to hold my fiancé back because he had enough of it. The next day she showed up to the wedding and decided to play wedding coordinator. At this point all I wanted to do was get married and be done with it so I kept my mouth shut but I had this great entrance that I wanted. Instead of the bridal march I wanted Tara's Theme to Gone with the Wind. Since my sister hadn't been a part of rehearsals and such like she should've been she sent my bridesmaids down at the wrong time which left me going in at the very wrong time of the song. Instead we had to stop the music and redo it when it was my turn to walk. I was furious. The reception was alright except if you look at our pictures my sister has a permanent frown on her face. Not to mention between her and my cousin they hung up some unmentionables in our getaway vehicle. Very tacky. YUCK!!!

Now the best part the "gift" that I got from my sister (which my mom had to go and help her pay for) was a dish washing rack, not even a fancy metal one but just a plain out old white dish rack!!

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Page Last Updated October 11, 2008

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BRIDESMAIDS AND BEASTMEN

The "tortured" and the "torturees"