Gimme Gimme

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Wedding Fund-raisers 

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This incident of gimme gimme happened 20 years ago, but none of us involved have ever forgotten. I had a high school friend, we’ll call Julie.  Julie and I had had a falling out shortly after high school (when she told me I needed to resume a relationship with a man who had threatened to beat me because I was hurting his feelings. Okeydokey.) Fast forward a few years. Her family moved out of state and none of her former friends have heard from her until they get a phone call announcing her engagement. Everyone is surprised to hear that the wedding will be back in our town since no one in her family has ever returned for a visit nor made any phone calls to anyone. But okay. She asks a few of her former high school friends to be her bridesmaids. All are perplexed and agree. The designated MOH asks, naturally, about purchasing gowns since the bride is a continent away. “Just wear your old prom gown. Who cares?”  Okeydokey again.

The designated MOH keeps calling her up and asking if she needs any help. “No, don’t worry about. It’s not a big deal, just a wedding.”  Finally, the MOH asks about flowers at which point, the bride says, “Call up the cheapest florist in town and spend no more than $100.”  “But what kind of flowers do you want?” The MOH wants to know. “Oh….Daisies. They’re cheap, right?”  

As it transpired, the parents of the bride had given the lucky couple  had given them a budget and told them anything they did not spend they could keep. So the B&G were determined to make it as cheap as possible to keep as much money as possible.  Everything was done as cheaply as possible, including booking the reception site – which was in an old union hall famous for its keggers as well as the inescapable and redolent odor combination of beer and body odor.  The bride and groom spent the entire wedding in a ‘sort of haze’ everyone reported and seemed uninterested in anything other than the gifts. No one got a thank you note. No one was terribly surprised by that oversight given the lackadaisical manner of the entire affair.

A few months later the MOB reports to the MOH that to her shock, the entire wedding was a staged event concocted by the bride and groom solely to get gifts/cash for the bride and groom to use to pay for their cocaine addiction.

Yes, the entire wedding was a ruse to get money to pay for drugs.

Gimme0103-07

A friend left me a voicemail once with the following suggestion: "Hi! I just took a look at my wedding registry and it looks like one of my favorite items, a punch bowl shaped like a rabbit, is almost out of stock! It's your job to call around to people and tell them I really really like it and to hurry up and buy it before it disappears forever! Ok, love ya! Bye!" Ew! How could anyone ever ask me to be so rude on their behalf? I cast you out, gimme-demon!

Gimme0209-07

I married into an Polish-American family several years ago. I grew up down South and Southerners are vaguely aware of that rudest of wedding faux-pas, The Money Dance, but treat it more as an urban legend.  The only time growing up that I ever saw it in action was when a cousin married a girl from Boston, and her family caused a ruckus at the reception until the groom's parents (who were hosting the reception), gave in and let it occur. I remember that only her side of the family participated while everyone else watched slack-jawed.   

We were to be married in the South and as I was paying for my reception, I wanted it to be as Southern-Style as possible. I immediately informed my fiancé that under no occurrence would two things happen at the reception: the Chicken dance polka nor the Money dance. (Any other polka but one that requires people to point their backsides at the audience and shake it madly.)   My mother-in-law to be had a fit over the dropping of the Money dance! (Fiancé agreed with me and has never cared for it himself.) She kept whining about tradition and how it was an integral part of being Polish.  Unable to sway me, she decided to tell me the history of the Money Dance from the Polish Culture, hoping that would change my mind.   (As a background, my Fiancé grew up close to his Great Grandparents who were both born and raised in Poland, helping them out in their Polish restaurant, and speaking Polish. Therefore, when my mother-in-law indicated this was the background of 'how it was in the old country,' I feel confident that is probably the folklore behind it in Poland, or at least the region from which they come.)   

So, onto the history of the Money Dance, Polish style:   At a wedding reception, the grandmother of the bride would find an old silver serving tray, preferably one that was very worn down from much use and cleaning. She would hold it in the folds of her apron.  Men would come up with large coins and HURL them down at the tray.  THIS (my MIL would say with a BIG SMILE) was symbolic of the men (that is plural - group effort here folks) breaking the Bride's Hymen and ending her Virginity!!!! With time, between the weight of the coins piling up, and the force of them being hurled, the tray would SNAP.  It was said that the size of the pile of the coins was a testament to the groom's er... Equipment (larger the pile, more to work with I guess), and the longer it took to snap the tray, the more virtuous the Bride was, and harder she would fight off her husband in fear of the unknown on their wedding night. (I.e. if bride is a hussy, she would give in right away, therefore if she was a hussy, the tray would snap right away.) By the men collectively breaking it first, they were symbolically getting the 'painful and unpleasant' part of the wedding night out of the way so the groom and bride could enjoy themselves. Once emigrated to the US, the coins became silver dollars, and in the depression, there was no way to spare a good silver tray for breaking, so it morphed into the money grab we now all know as the Money Dance.   

There my mother in law stood, eyes bright, smile from ear to ear, knowing full well I couldn't turn down her request for so NOBLE a tradition. She still can't understand why I found it ever MORE offensive at that point.   So, ladies, think of this if you don't see anything wrong with a Money Dance: -While you are dancing, people are symbolically betting on whether you are a slut or frigid -Men you may not know are symbolically trying to force themselves on you to end your Maidenhood -People are symbolically trying to find out the size of your husband's private parts

Gimme0119-07

My friend's fiancé' had a wedding and wedding reception, in her home state. They had a shower here in his home state. ONE year later, we get in invitation to a 'Wedding Reception' complete with her wearing her dress and all her family, food, dancing. Gifts expected. Sorry, I'm not attending a blatant bid for more gifts, ONE year later, and a baby on the way too boot.

Gimme0308-07

A very old friend got engaged to a man from a third world country.  I wanted to be nice and excepting, so I sent an engagement gift, even writing a note to him in his native language since he didn't speak English.  I was very proud of myself for the whole thing, because I thought the heart-shaped waffle iron was beyond perfect as well.  I got a thank-you note for my "housewarming present" and was confused.  I had to hear through the grapevine that the engagement was called off.  Apparently, she thought the gift was as cool as I thought it was and she kept it.  Years have gone by and she's engaged again and I'm invited to the wedding.  How do I get over my feelings of resentment over the first gift?  Shall I buy her the same thing to send a message?  I don't want to get her anything since I kind of already did.  Perhaps some lovely boxes of waffle mix?  Drop the whole thing?  What's a girl to do?

Gimme0322-07

My fiancé and I were invited to the wedding of a dear friend of mine from university. They registered for contributions towards their honeymoon in the form of specific experiences. We “purchased” a few and transferred the money (total $180) to their joint bank account. The wedding went well and the happy couple departed on their three week honeymoon. On their return we got an email saying they hadn’t been able to find time in their schedule to do any of the things we’d “paid” for. So they just pocketed the cash. And after over two years we have yet to receive thank you note. They do amazingly find time to send us invitations to events that require presents (baby showers, birthdays etc). Needless to say we don’t attend.

Gimme0508-07

After a month of going back and forth, I had it.  Maybe some people could've lasted longer.  We decided we were going to Vegas & if anyone wanted to go, they were more than welcome.  Mom threw a fit about this!!  She would never go to Vegas as it was tacky.  I knew that I would never hear the end of it so we decided to go to Hawaii instead - hoping that would be too far for anyone to fly...  She went anyway - at least I talked her out of staying for our entire honeymoon, she just stayed the weekend.    But the part that turned my stomach was that she HAD to have invitations so all her friends & family members would know I'm getting married.  I didn't want to send them because I always thought the "hey we're getting married on an island & I don't expect you to come, but send me a gift anyway" invitations were extremely bad taste.  

My husband & I both make enough money and have more than enough stuff in our house so gifts weren't necessary...  So we sent them out anyway inviting them to a "reception" at our home after we got back.  Of course, everyone said they couldn't attend because who wants a 4 hour flight to a reception?  They all sent checks anyway (to which thank you cards were sent out quickly), but I'm still embarrassed about caving in and sending those "invitations".

Gimme0523-07

Page Last Updated October 11, 2008