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Tacky Invitations

Jan-Jun 2000 Archive


Let's see, would it be considered a faux pas to ask someone to be your best man, invite his fiancee to a bridal shower and then UN-invite them both to the wedding?

Here goes.......There is this guy named Will who is a real charmer with a great sense of humor, a lot of fun to be around. I met Will about 12 years ago, and we became very close (platonic) friends. In fact, he introduced my fiance and I to one another 8 years ago. Will has been friends with Chris (my fiance) for about 14 years. Will met Beatrice 6 years ago and they began a serious, yet tulmultuos relationship from that point on. We spent far more time with Will alone than with he and Beatrice, as she is attending college out of state. They announced their engagement 2 years ago (when he asked Chris to be his best man) and have broken off the engagement more than once. Finally they agreed upon a date, June 10, 2000!

I then received a bridal shower invitation for May 2000. I happily accepted the invitation. Three days prior to the shower I receive a call from Will asking if I am planning on attending the shower. I state that I am. He then tells me that Beatrice would prefer that I did not attend and, as a matter of fact, would prefer that Chris and I did not attend the wedding! He's really sorry about this but she doesn't like us.

Chris and I had to laugh at this one! Have you ever been un-invited to a shower and a wedding? Probably a once in a life time experience for us, and sadly, the loss of a very good friend to subservience.           einvite0613-00

I am not sure where this fits in at but you just have to read this: We (my fiance and I ) received an invitation to a wedding (we aren't sure whose and you will see why) addressed to both of us at his address. Opening the envelope we find a folded piece of notebook paper with the following: COME SEE US GET HITCHED AT 6 PM . It had no names, no date, no address of where the ceremony was to be held so that we could go and see who it was. There was, however, a RSVP card with no address on it either.   Go figure.  I just love this site.  Keep up the good work.    einvite0518-00

My husband's cousin sent us an invitation to her wedding with an RSVP only to a web address. Fine, we have internet access and can RSVP for us as well as other family members who don't have access, but there should have been an alternative. When I got to that section of their webpage I found a request to RSVP for all events, including the ones we weren't invited to attend.  Let's see, there was a family dinner, golf party, Sunday brunch, and ceremony that we had to tell them we weren't going to attend even though we weren't invited to them.

Then I clicked on the link for "gifts", thinking how tacky this was even mentioned. There was an explanation of how they'd have to declare any gifts and pay taxes on them, so "please refrain from purchasing us merchandise as gifts". The not-so-subtle message being, "We want cash".

I'm sorry to say that there was no e-mail address available for me to send them virtual gifts so they could avoid any tax liability. I'm thinking of sending a card and a note telling them that they can rest assured we won't burden them by purchasing a gift. With a start like this I'm sure there will be further displays of tackiness worthy of Etiquette Hell, but we will gladly stay at home and miss it.  einvite0504-00

Enjoy the website! Here's my submission: I received a wedding invitation in the mail from a childhood neighbor. I was surprised since I had not spoken to her in probably a decade. She moved 2 states away after college and we communicated by phone a couple of times, a couple of Christmas cards then lost touch. The invite went to my parents house...I had long since moved away. I thought it odd, but figured I'd send a gift but would not travel to the wedding.

Later I get an invite to 2 showers--one on Saturday, one on Sunday--the same weekend. The bride-to-be was coming in town and the attendants were throwing a shower for those guests in her home state. I gave the hostess the benefit of the doubt and figured she invited me to both showers so I could chose which one I wanted to attend (I lived an hour away).  No complaints about the shower--it was fairly typical. The bride-to-be found out I too was engaged to be married and asked me about my plans. I said it was still in the planning stages but said half-jokingly that I'd just as soon elope. She confided in me not to tell anyone but she was already married! I can't even remember my response and left soon after. I did not send a wedding gift. And I can't even imagine the trouble, cost and vacation days everyone wasted attending this "wedding" 2 states away. I have to mention I received a baby shower invite (out-of-state!) from this same person with instructions and an "800" number to get my gift at a local store. She didn't get a gift then either.        einvite0428-00

Here is a wedding invitation that takes the cake (pun definitely intended).  I had a friend, let¹s call him "David", who was recently engaged. He called me at work one day to ask how they could ask for cash for wedding gifts, as they may move to China for awhile (she is Chinese), and would have no use for appliances, silverware, etc.   I told him that under no uncertain terms can he request monetary gifts...he should be happy that anyone would want to give him anything!

When the invitation arrived ­ cheaply copied onto copy center cardstock ­ I found that David and Lois (not her real name) had found a crafty way of getting their wish. They used their invitation to educate their guests on the ancient Chinese tradition of "Hong Bao", the practice of the bride and groom¹s families showering them with red packets (hong bao) full of, you guessed it, money. A separate insert romantically painted the rich history of hong bao, in which the red packets/hong bao/envelopes of cold, hard cash were mentioned a dozen times. (I counted.) And, in case you still didn¹t get it, the insert was copied onto red paper.  Needless to say, I did not attend. Nor did I send along a red packet. And I haven¹t spoken to either of them since.    einvite0427-00

I was invited to come celebrate the birthday party of my friend's 2 year-old son. She wanted me to bring my video camera, so she could record the happy occassion. Around that time all my friends were aware that I was extremely broke. On the day of the party, I called and told her that I would still be able to make it to the party, but I had to get the present at a later time.  My friend told me she would come and pick up MY video camera and not to worry about attending since I was broke. I told her that I still wanted to come and celebrate with her and the family.   Her reply?    "WON'T YOU FEEL SILLY  COMING WITHOUT A GIFT FOR MY SON?" She said it in a really snotty voice, and then asked me, "How come you don't have any money to buy a gift? I know you have something!" I was so frustrated that she belittled me, and still wanted my video camera.   einvite0414-00

My husband was a member of a coed social club while in college and we recieved an invitation hand addressed to both of us to attend a long weekend of alumni events of the club. They included inside a colorful invite for our kids and had events for the kids planned. It even had a coloring sheet for the kids with lists of their events on it to get them excited about the trip.

I was very pleased to be included in the invitation as we had both attended the same college. While I was not a member of the club, having joined a sorority instead, I had attended many of their events and had quite a few friends who were members that I would love to see again. We RSVP'd and made plans to attend.

The day we were leaving, about two hours before the airport shuttle was scheduled to pick us up the phone rang. It was the current president of the organization calling for my husband. They talked for awhile and then my husband comes to me looking very upset. He informs me that I am not welcome to attend the weekend's events. Apparently there was a bookkeeping error of some sort that caused me to be invited.  I was not "eligable for an invitation" since I turned down membership in the club all those years ago to join a sorority instead. It was some kind of new policy that had happened since we attended. Back in our day I attended nearly all this club's events with my husband (then boyfriend or fiance) and friends.

My husband and kids were still welcome and expected to attend, but I could not! They offered to give me a map of the city and suggestions of things to do around town instead, as though I need that for a city I once lived in for 6 years. They also made it very clear that my husband and kids were still expected to attend as they had RSVP'd and a final head count had been given to the caterer for the receptions and the date for changes was past. He got a lecture about how "rude" it is to RSVP and then not attend!

Now we were stuck in the unenviable position of having kids packed and excited about going on a trip, neighbors watching the house, vacation time arranged, tickets bought, the pets at the kennel and me alone having been uninvited to the events that are the reason for the trip. Well, we decided if they could get rid of me without problem after the final head count, then they could drop the rest of the family, too. You can't uninvite the wife and expect the husband and kids to happily appear anyway.

After a few rapid phone calls and packing swimsuits we moved up the trip to Disney we'd been planning for later in the year to that weekend and headed out. The kids were not disappointed at all and we even escaped the overexcitement that is inevitable the week before going on a trip like one to Disney. We all had a great time, even if it wasn't exactly what we'd planned on doing that weekend. When given lemons....           einvite0311-00

This is almost too hideous to submit. My cousin's ex-wife whom I had met just a few times, had a child by a man with whom she was living with. The woman, I will call her Patti, seemed kind of stupid but not to the degree in which I am about to relate. The baby died when he was just two months old of meningitis. A sad story because I think basically she was a good mother.

Patti and her boyfriend decided to marry in a formal church wedding about six months later. Of course no one in the family knew of the particulars of the wedding, as there would be no reason for any of us to be invited. However, one day my uncle, Patti's ex-father-in-law  opened his weekly small-town newspaper to the "trends and weddings" section when he saw the reception announcement: "The late Baby X wishes to announce the marriage of his parents Patti Z and Box R. Please join in the festivities at (name of reception hall) on (particular date and time). "    This is just plain creepy.         einvite0222-00