Weddings From Hell

The Whole Thing from start to finish is a disaster

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I was chosen to be a bridesmaid for my SIL's wedding.  "Sue" was one of those people that had the attitude of "it's my way or the highway".  So I was kind of nervous about accepting the position, but I did anyway.  Well, I should have went with my gut instinct and declined.   

 First of all she wanted to have a medieval theme for her wedding.  I thought that would be cool and was wanting to help her pick out some dresses to go with the theme.  Well, being the control freak that she is, she picked out three dresses off of the internet and showed them to me and the other bridesmaid.  We expressed our opinions, but I don't think she even cared about them.  She was bound and determined to get the dress that she wanted.  It turns out that she orders one dress off the internet for us to try on.  The dress was hideous.  It was a weird sort of dark olive colored dress with a deep v-neckline and a wrap-around corset type thing, and these huge, very long bell-sleeves.  I tried on the dress, and it looked like I was trying on a fat Jedi's robe.  I didn't have the chest to fill out the deep v-neckline, but she didn't think that was a concern.  I felt very uncomfortable in it.  But like I said, she didn't think that was an issue.  So the maid of honor tries it on.  It makes her look like a female Friar Tuck.  Of course when we showed the dress to her parents and other curious folk, they smiled the fakest smile they could muster without laughing and said "yeah, the dress looks great".  Traitors!  It was obvious they didn't want to hurt "Sue's" feelings.  I actually went online to find some very reasonably priced dresses that fit the occasion, and looked more richly detailed than the peasant dress she picked out (and more figure flattering). The wedding was to take place around Christmas, so I thought nice rich, jewel-toned velvet or satin would look appropriate.  Oh no, she had to insist on the olive green, cotton/polyester dress that made everyone look like a Lord of the Rings movie extra reject.  So with that, she orders the dresses for us, even though we don't like them.   The dresses come, and they obviously need some alterations  All they did to the MOH's dress was hem a few inches off of the bottom.  But my dress needed to be taken up at the shoulders to correct the plunging neckline.  She still didn't think it was an issue.  I was getting upset that she didn't care that my breasts were going to be hanging out of this dress if I made any sudden moves or leaned over  Well in the long run, I won the battle over the neckline and got it altered.    

A month or so before the wedding I had some really important job interviews to go to, so I wanted to cut my long, frizzy hair into a more modern and trendy style.  I had planned on doing this way before I was even chosen to be a bridesmaid  So I get my hair cut short in a trendy little spikey hair do that looked really good on me.  The next day, I went over to Sue's house to pick up my bridesmaid dress.  She says that my hair looked really cool.  But then the next day, she calls up my husband (her brother) and goes crazy.  She says that "how dare her cut her hair short like that", "she didn't get my permission to cut her hair", and "she's going to ruin my wedding pictures".  Oh my God!  I thought I was going to freak out.  I could not believe that she would go apesh*t over a haircut (and neither could anyone else in the family).  She cried for two days over this!!  I thought that you picked your bridesmaids because you like them, and want them to stand up for you and your wedding, not pick them because of the length of their hair.  I had no idea that was the "prerequisite" of being a bridesmaid in her wedding.  This issue went on for a week.  And stupid me, I should've bailed out then.    

Then the wedding day comes closer and closer, and she gets more neurotic as the days count down.  I took my dress home with me, but she kept the other bridesmaid dress with her.  She also kept the best-man's, the groom's man, and her father's tuxedos at her house thinking that they would be too irresponsible to take care of their own clothing.  She was acting like a Kindergarten teacher handing out her students costumes for a school play.  The wedding day comes, so Sue, her parents, the best-man and maid-of-honor, go to the wedding facility at 7:00 a.m. to decorate.  She doesn't even bother to call us to say they were there already.  Me and my husband wake up at 10 a.m. because we were up all night packing a truck to haul all of the decorations, food, etc.  So, we race to get ready and drive to the facility as fast as we can, and they're already done.  They say they are going to drive all the way back home (25 miles away) to take a shower and come back.  So we drive up there for nothing.  

I (the smart one) already have my dress with me, so I go ahead and change while I'm at the wedding site.  The rest of the party has to wait to get dressed because "the princess" hasn't arrived yet.  She is 2 hours late.  Guess who looks like the shining star now?  They all scurry like chickens with their heads cut off to get ready.  Sue is getting ready with the MOH and still has curlers in her hair.  I tell her that it is really windy outside and should wear some hairspray to keep her curls looking good.  She say's she "doesn't believe in hairspray because it doesn't look natural".  Well she goes outside (it's in the middle of December), and the wind whips her hair and her veil all around her.  In ten minutes her hair is flat and frizzy (with no time to redo her hair).  So I'm standing there with a "I told you so" look on my face.   

Right before the wedding my husband (who was a groom's man) exclaims that he and I were going to change into our normal clothes right after the wedding so we would feel more comfortable at the reception.  Oh, no! We can't do that.  She was furious that we would even mention changing.  Not to mention that she was in our wedding a few years back, and she was practically in her skivvies after we said "I do".  

I could believe she was this hung up on being so controlling over the whole wedding.  She practically controlled over what kind of underwear we were going to wear.  Well actually she did that with her mother.  Her poor mother is a very sickly woman who can barely see because of complications of diabetes.  She is also on pain management patches to control ongoing pain that she has.  Sue picks out her mothers' outfit from head to toe.  The woman is in her mid 50's and she comes to the wedding in some "gothic" looking outfit like she was going to "Goth band" concert (or to a funeral, take your pick).  She had on black from head to toe.  She wore a long crinkle style skirt with a black blouse and a ankle length duster sweater and black boots.  It looked like something Sue would wear instead of her mother.  Her mother said to me that she even picked out the slip that she was wearing and that she was freezing to death because the slip was made for a mini skirt.  She said the boots were killing her feet, and she had only had them on for 10 minutes.  You don't make diabetics wear tight fitting and hard-soled shoes.  But that's what she was wearing. Poor thing.   

Then at the reception, after we had our sit-down meal, we watched Sue and her husband, and then Sue and her father dance to the dj's music that they pick out.  Now mind you the theme to the wedding was medieval, and Christmas.  We had to sit through Honky Tonk music that blared throughout the reception hall.  After the reception, and everyone went home (including the best man, and the MOH), we, Sue's parents, her brother and I started cleaning up.  Not one time did Sue ever come over to talk to us during the reception, or thank us for cleaning up the mess that took up half the night to finish.  To say the least....I was pissed off.  If anything, this was the worst organized, non-friendly, non-inviting wedding I have ever been too.  And was half-a*sed at best.  Also to say the least, it was the weirdest combinations of any theme (or themes) mish-moshed together that I ever saw.  Country/Honky Tonk music played at a Christmas/medieval themed wedding.  Not to mention the bride is Wiccan, and the groom is Christian.  So we had that going on too.  Plus instead of the usual song played when they were pronounced husband and wife, they proceed down the aisle with the theme song from the movie "The Nightmare Before Christmas".  If you ask me...... the wedding WAS the nightmare before Christmas!!!!

WeddingsfromHell0110-04

This is my best Wedding Gone Bad story, complete with hints that the marriage is doomed.......   

Many years ago I attended the wedding of two children from two families from our old church.   The bride was nice but not the brightest bulb on the porch; the groom was cocky but not as smart as he thought.    The wedding was THE major social event for the bride's mother and an affirmation of her daughter's purity.  In fact, she let my mom know that the groom will be getting a virgin.  The bride's mother knew this, she said to my mom, because she took her daughter/bride to the gynecologist, and the gynecologist confirmed the daughter/bride's hymen was intact [ I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!   ASK MY MOM!]     

The big day arrived, and the wedding started off fine.  The church was darkened and reverent, and most of the light at the altar was given off by two huge, 60-candle candelabras that flanked the bridal party.  The minister began to speak.   About two minutes into his speech, the little flower girl simply walked off the stage and laid down on the front pew.  One of the church ladies got up and went over to her, and no one thought much of it.   About another two minutes later, the maid of honor turned around, staggered off the stage, and crash-landed on the front pew, too.  Now there was a problem; something was wrong.   The minister caught it, and called the congregation to prayer so that the bridal party could collect themselves.    

While he was praying, the congregation next heard a loud BOOM.  Being a teenager, I opened my eyes to see a pair of legs flailing in the organ pit next to the altar, and the church men rushing to the scene.  It turns out the groomsman on the end had fainted and toppled backwards into the organ pit.  The minister kept praying until the latest victim got dragged out of the church, quickly pronounced them man and wife, and the whole bridal party fled back down the aisle.   

At the reception, the truth emerged:  the 120 candles that the idiots had up at the altar effectively sucked away the air up at the front!  Only the physically fit and the sober were left standing.   Even the bride was being propped up by the groom, we just couldn't tell it.  The fainting groomsman got stinking drunk at the bachelor party the night before, slept in late, hadn't eaten anything all day, and proved it with his back flip into the organ pit.   Woohoo! Party!   The bride and groom survived the reception OK, but when it was time for them to leave, was the groom the one driving the car?   Nooooooo...it was the bride's daddy.   And her little sister hopped into the back seat with them!   They were divorced less than two years later.   To this day, that was the funniest "these idiots got what they deserved" wedding I have ever attended.   

WeddingsfromHell0118-04

 The nightmare of my wedding began during the planning process. My hillybilly future in-laws made everything a nightmare. First, my ex-mother-in-law says that my mother is taking all of the planning over, even though my Mom talked to his mother about the menu, and other details. They said that they had family members who couldn't eat pork, due to their religion, so we couldn't have pork roast. My mother asked my ex-husband what he thought we should have instead, and he replied, "ham." I guess I don't have to mention that he's not that bright. During the wedding planning, my ex-mother-in-law decides that this would be a great time to reunite my ex-husband with his biological sister from Alaska, whom he's never met. He's adopted, and he had spoken to her on the phone, but they had never met.

The day of the rehearsal was a disaster. My ex's family refused to pay for any alcohol for the rehearsal dinner because they don't drink, which I suppose it isn't a big deal, but they're so cheap. At the rehearsal at the church the minister shows up an hour late, because there was a tornado that delayed him at another town 7 miles away. Once he gets there, my maid-of-honor passes out, she's a hypochondriac and loves the attention, so I assume that was staged, I'll never know for sure, I guess. Then, at the rehearsal dinner at the restaurant, we lose power, and we're all sitting in the dark. You would have thought that I would have seen this as an omen and ran, but I didn't.

The ceremony went off without a hitch, but after the dinner, my bridesmaids and maid of honor "stole" me from the reception because none of us were old enough to drink, and they couldn't "steal" my ex-husband and take him for a drink because no one was old enough. They took me, and we did end up having some drinks anyway at a bar. In the meantime, the best man and groomsmen and ushers  "stole" my ex-husband, and his sister from Alaska went with them. My bridal attendants brought me back in time for the first bride and groom dance. I waited a half hour while the D.J. is wondering when the bride and groom dance is going to take place and everyone is asking where the groom is. 

When he finally shows up, I'm furious. We're on the dance floor, and I'm asking him where in the hell he had been. Come to find out, one of the ushers and his sister from Alaska are smoking the "peace pipe" out in the country! His sister is Native American and had some pot with her, so her and the usher decided to smoke dope. During the bride and groom dance, he's explaining this to me and acts as if I'm overreacting! All of this is on video, during the whole dance it's visible on the video that we are arguing. After this the reception goes on and even though I'm not old enough, people were offering me their drinks on the side, so I could at least celebrate a little bit. I'm from a small town and it's not a really big deal. However, my ex-husband tells everyone that I can't drink anything because I have to drive us to our motel room 20 miles away. He wants to be able to get drunk, and I can be the designated driver! By the way, his family was so cheap most of them didn't give us gifts, but they sure bellied up to the bar and the food line!

I was so miserable at the dance, and knew that I'd just made the biggest mistake of my life. I bawled my eyes out while I danced with my brother. After the dance we head to our motel room twenty miles away. My ex-husband is drunk. We get to the motel room and get into bed and the phone rings. His brother, who is a cop, calls from a restaurant and tells my ex that his sister from Alaska is passed out drunk, and he can't get her to leave. He actually has the nerve to ask my ex to leave his bride on his wedding night to wake up his passed out sister. You'd think someone who claims to be a police officer could handle the situation. My ex-husband actually goes to the restaurant to try and get her up! I'm alone in the motel room on my wedding night. 

After the wedding is finally over, my ex and I are in our new home, the morning after the wedding. We decided to take a honeymoon about six months later, so we went home the day after the wedding. It's a Monday morning at about 7:00 in the morning, I hear a key in the door, it's my ex-mother-in-law coming to get the tuxes to take them back! This story is about wedding hell so I won't go into the marriage from hell. You can about imagine what it was like if my ex-mother-in-law is letting herself in the house two days after we're married. Needless, to say I'm divorced now, and am glad to be rid of the husband and in-laws from hell. It's about 5 years later, and I'm happily engaged to be married in September, and I know it's going to be a lot better this time!

WeddingsfromHell0106-04

The trouble with my wedding started even before my husband (we'll call him Dave) and I actually got engaged.  His family is VERY conservative (more than a little bit on the strange side of religious, actually), and as soon as he and I started getting serious, they sat us down and lectured us for two hours about how Dave was too young to be in a relationship - he was 24, I was 22 - and that if I had any kind of upbringing at all, I would go live at home and help my mother raise my two baby sisters, who were toddlers at the time (never mind what my mother would have thought about this - her response would have been, "I can raise my own children, thank you very much!").  

Then, as they told me, when my sisters turned 18 (how many years down the road?!), my parents and his parents could get together and discuss arranging a marriage for us.  After all, that's how it was done in "the old country."  Neither Dave nor myself are quite clear on exactly what country that is.  Both his parents are from Iowa, as are their parents, and we're reasonably certain that's not how things are done there.  They went on to tell me that the Bible states that the parents are the "spiritual heads" of the children, and since I was in a relationship with their son, he was MY "spiritual head."  This meant that I had to do whatever they told me to do.  You can imagine how well that logic went over.   

Fast forward to our engagement.  During the time between when Dave proposed and the wedding took place, they did their best to make life hell for me.  It got so bad with one of his three sisters, in particular, that Dave actually wrote her a letter disinviting her from the wedding, afraid that she was going to cause trouble or try to ruin it.  This, of course, caused quite the sensation among the other family members.  

The week of the wedding, Dave's parents kept calling, at least twice a day, changing their minds about whether they were attending or not, giving various excuses (they couldn't clean up the house in time to make the trip, they would only come if one of my relatives would put them up, they would only come if Dave and I would pay airfare, they felt that they had to "stand together as a family," and if the sister wasn't invited, they felt "morally obligated" to stay away, blah blah blah).  I could tell Dave was terribly hurt, and it did bother me for that reason, but for my own sake, I couldn't have cared less at that point whether they showed up or not.  Frankly, I kind of hoped they wouldn't, but I knew Dave wanted them there...after all, they were his parents!  I told Dave that if he acted like he didn't care, they'd probably quit messing with his head and just make a decision already.  

Sure enough, that's exactly what happened.  He stopped giving them the satisfaction of getting upset, and they mysteriously decided that they could make it after all.  They showed up barely in time for the rehearsal.   At the rehearsal, my aunt sort of took over the task of herding everyone around, showing them where they needed to be.  That was fine with me, as my uncle (her husband) was officiating at the wedding, and she had done this sort of thing before.  I had carefully chosen the processional music, and had made a tape of it beforehand.  I had chosen the bridesmaids' processional music partly for the length of it, and for the easily distinguishable intervals in the music during which each bridesmaid would make her entrance.  My aunt, however, decided that the bridesmaids should wait twice the amount of time before starting down the aisle, which meant the song was not long enough, and would have to be played twice instead of just once.  I wasn't thrilled with this plan, but she was insistent, and I was so burned out on dealing with all of the details that I just let it go.  Big mistake.  A new tape was made that evening and given to the sound man, who "came with" the church.  It was CLEARLY marked as being the correct tape to use, and the sound man was VERY specifically told to change out the tape we had given him previously for that one.  You all see this one coming, don't you?   

The wedding day arrives, and the wedding party is due to have photos taken.  Dave shows up half an hour late, zonked from having taken a muscle relaxer.  I was furious, but kind of got swept along in the events of the day and didn't have much time to think about it.  He did manage to function respectably.  In between her many other duties, my MOH manages to double-check with the sound man to make sure the tape was switched.  He assures her that it was, and the bridesmaids walk down the aisle without a hitch.  Or most of them do, anyway.  The last one is about to start, and the bridal march starts to play.  She stands there, not knowing quite what to do, as the MOH frantically runs upstairs to the sound man, who, as it turns out, has not switched the tape, and is unaware of the mix-up because HE IS WEARING A SET OF HEADPHONES AND LISTENING TO A WALKMAN!!  Noticing the irate MOH (she can be very imposing when the need arises), he pulls off his headphones, attempts to gather his wits about him and hits the rewind button without stopping the tape first, which means that the wedding party and guests are treated to that loud screeching sound that a song makes when you rewind it with the volume up.  Lovely. 

I had asked the boyfriend of one of my BMs to be an usher, and although he and the BM had since broken up, they claimed to be friends and he was on good terms with the rest of the family (this BM was a cousin of mine), so he was still an usher.  They ended up having an argument at the reception.  My aunt quickly put a stop to that, but it still kind of put a damper on things.  Interesting side note:  she caught the bouquet and he caught the garter, and they did get married not long after.  They're now divorced, however.   

After the reception, Dave and I make our way back to the bed and breakfast we're staying at.  It was a hot, stressful day, I was wearing a lot of layers, and had developed a headache, so he gave me a pill to take.  I thought it was ibuprofen.  Turned out to be a muscle relaxer (Dave was sure fond of those, wasn't he?).  Of course, it put me right to sleep, at which point he left and went to have drinks with the groomsmen, leaving the MOH to take care of me.  She was livid with him, as was I, and even the GMs thought this was a pretty lousy thing to do on his wedding night.  

That wasn't the end of it, though...on our honeymoon, I came down with strep, which I caught from one of the flower girls.  He told me he was going to go check on our train tickets, as we were leaving for Paris the next morning (we were in London at the time), and would be back in an hour, tops.  He was gone for SEVEN HOURS.  Apparently he decided to tour the city on his own, leaving me alone at the bed and breakfast with the snotty owner (she looked down her nose at us and made snide remarks constantly, rationed out sugar cubes like they were gold, and turned off the hot water for the duration of our stay to "save money"), never bothering to check in.  

By the time he wandered in, happy and carefree at 10:30 that night, I had already called both our families, and the owner was busy calling hospitals while I sat there, sick as a dog, trying to figure out what I would do if he was missing or dead somewhere in a city halfway across the world from home.  I managed to swallow my anger at him for the sake of having a good time the rest of the trip, but Dave never did get a clue about how to treat a wife with some semblance of common consideration and respect, and I'm sure it will surprise no one to hear that five years later, he and I are now divorcing.  

 WeddingsfromHell0127-04

My husband's cousin was getting married about 3 years ago. They are the hippie-naturalist type. So they wanted an outdoor wedding. This is no big deal since my wedding was outside. But they had theirs in the middle of August... in a state park... in Wisconsin, next to the St. Croix, about 20 minutes from Taylors Falls, MN. It was hot, humid, and miserable. It wouldn't have been so bad except their ceremony was at the top of a hill. All the elderly had to stay at the bottom for fear of heat stroke or they were in wheel chairs or walkers. The ones who were able to make it up the hill were greeted with a 30 minute ceremony, with no chairs to sit on, no cool breeze, as the air was still that day, the noon August sun glaring on us, and the hippie friends of the bride and groom who did not believe in deodorant, or shaving for that matter. Some even smelled like they hadn't bathed in a week. 

When the ceremony was over, to our relief, we got to go to the reception site. It was set up very nicely, actually. Except they never bothered to cover the seats of the picnic tables. It had rained the day before, thus making the humidity that much more pleasant. So my rear end of my light blue dress was stained brown. Nice. The dinner was probably very good. I couldn't eat it because everything had some sort of seafood ingredient. I am allergic to fish. So I ate the one thing that wasn't swimming with the fishes...dry pita bread. Both their families are very wealthy, so there was the REALLY expensive champagne The stuff actually imported from France. I thought the sparkling cider they had for the kids tasted better. To me, the cheaper it is, the better it tastes. But that is all they had. No water or anything else. If you wanted water, there was a water fountain about 50 yards away. No pop (they are hippies remember) or juice or anything. Luckily my hubby (then fiancé) had a case of beer and bottled water in his truck for a pool party we were heading to later. I went and chugged 2 bottles to cool me down.  Everything from then on seemed to go better. Or so I thought. 

About an hour later, everyone was going down this path that lead to a lake that was part of the St. Croix. People said that they were going swimming. We were in luck as we had our suits for the party later. We changed and went down there to cool down. My hubby stopped in his tracks and just stared. They were all skinny dipping!!! Less than 40 yards from a public beach with a TON of kids. I said no. I have a problem with just exposing myself to a bunch of strangers. Maybe I am a prude, but I just don't feel like going nekkid in front of a bunch of little kids no less.  Someone must have called park security and the cops, because 20 minutes later, they were all being arrested for indecent exposure. One guy was being put in the squad car yelling "The human body is nothing to be ashamed of!" We left at that point. The pool party later on was much more fun.

WeddingsfromHell0213-04

My boyfriend and I were invited to a wedding that took place on January 31, 2004 in San Francisco. It was the most disorganized wedding I have ever been to. The invitations mentioned that there would be a tour of the city during the 4 hours between the ceremony and reception (4 long hours, why, I don't know) and that there would be cocktails and dinner at the reception site.

Well . . .

The wedding ceremony was nice, except for the DJ, who chose the moment of the bride and groom being presented as man and wife, to rip a chord or blow a fuse or something, so that the entire church shook with a really loud clang.

Afterwards people milled about for a bit and then got on the trolleys (2 of them) as we'd been told there was no parking at the reception, so everyone had to leave their cars at the church. Fair enough. Except this is San Francisco in January, we were freezing for 4 hours, and although there were coolers in the trolley, there was nothing in them, not even water. That was a good thing, though, because we didn't stop anywhere that had a bathroom.

Halfway through the tour, we went back to the church to pick up the bridal party. The other trolley had the groom's family and mother of the bride and other guests in them, and the bride and groom got in our trolley. The whole point of touring SF was so that the bride's 4 photographers could take pictures of the couple in picturesque SF sites, but about 5 minutes after we left the church with the bride and groom, they realized that none of the photographers got on the trolley.

At this point one of the guests offered to take pictures for the bride wherever she wanted because he was pretty good with his camera, so we stopped at a couple of places while he took pictures. We got to the Bay Bridge and were told that a van would stop to pick us up because the trolleys couldn't go on the bridge to get to the reception. We waited for an hour in a freezing, open trolley, hungry, thirsty, needing to use a restroom.

An hour later we got to the reception, where the first trolley had arrived an hour earlier and people had eaten most of the food. I thought it appalling that not even the mother of the bride cared enough to call and find out where her daughter was and why she was an hour late. No, they all just ate food and had a blast and no one cared to stop eating long enough to greet the bride and groom when they walked in.

The food was all Thai appetizers, no dinner at all, or cocktails, just 2 buck chuck wine, which is fine, but it's not cocktails and dinner as stated on the invitation, so people who were hungry and thirsty had to make do with a couple of finger foods. A couple of people didn't eat much at all because everything had peanut sauce on it and they were allergic to peanuts.

The music at the reception was bad, the DJ's only "trick" was to put masks on people, like Elvis, the Clintons, and Jack in the Box, pretty silly stuff. He played bad music and no one danced. It was all very disorganized, no announcement of cake cutting or first dance or anything. At 10pm the music stopped but the bus taking people back to the church to get their cars didn't arrive until 11:30pm, so people were sitting around for an hour and a half doing nothing.

From what I know the bride kept yelling at her maid of honor, bossing her around and yelling at her when she didn't spray her hair right.

We got to our cars at half past midnight and got home at 1:30 in the morning. It was the longest, most miserable time I have ever had at a wedding. I hope the marriage lasts, at least.

WeddingsfromHell0219-04

 I recently attended the wedding of my husband's cousin "Keith" to his ladylove "Laura."  I can't quite decide if it was just poor planning of a wedding or if these people were actually as clueless as they appeared to be.

A few words about Keith...Keith is not the most responsible man on the planet.  He drinks heavily, doesn't have a driver's license (for obvious reasons) and is constantly broke.  He has waited tables at the same restaurant for the last fifteen years, which is more a tribute to his employer's dedication than his work ethic. 

Keith met his beloved a year ago.  They immediately fell passionately in love, which apparently rankled her daughter from her previous marriage (more on her later).  About six months later, we get a call from Keith letting us know that he is buying a house with Laura and they are getting ready to close, but due to  "real estate agent error", they are $30,000 short and could we loan it to them?  My dear husband pretends it is a joke and laughs it off.  Apparently they were serious and ended up having to put all of their things in storage while they figured out another house to buy.  They are a bit annoyed with us for not helping them out. This is in June.

  We see Keith and Laura in August at a family gathering.  They seem rational at this point, although they are very concerned about starting a family right away because she is 45, but has heard that you can use fertility drugs and should be able to get pregnant right away.  Mind you, they aren't engaged (she is secretly speculating that he is going to propose during a Hawaiian vacation in September), but she'd definitely like to have his children ASAP.  Her nineteen year old daughter is apparently not in favor of this whole plan, as she was kicked out of living with her mom when Laura decided to move in with Keith, but she will just "have to deal."

Fast forward to the second week of October.  I get a card in the mail with a return address of Keith and Laura Cousins.  I assume, as she is using his name, that they must have gotten married at a justice of the peace and we are getting a wedding announcement (although we had just seen them a month earlier at an anniversary party for Keith's parents which was held at the new house, so I am a little surprised).  Okay, I think, well, that's nice, I will send a gift.  I open the card to find a formal wedding invitation to their home wedding.  When I say formal, I mean the actually engraved invitations with embossed formal bride and groom. 

The outside envelope is not only addressed to my husband and I, but also has a note to invite my husband's brother, wife, two kids and my husband's sister, husband and two kids.  As none of these people have resided in the same household for twenty years, I find this surprising and a bit in bad taste.  Since they obviously have our phone number (used to call for the loan money), they certainly could have called for addresses, but perhaps they were pressed for time.  I am also wondering how they are planning on having all of these people in their home as we were crowded with thirty people for the anniversary party.  Keith's immediate family numbers in the 25 range...if they are inviting cousins and their children, how will they fit all of these people in their house for a November wedding (it is usually 40 or so degrees here and snows often in November)?  Not my problem, I suppose, so I note the Sunday wedding date on our calendar and notify hubby that we will be going to a wedding.

Due to a home emergency (pipe leak that needed to get fixed ASAP), we aren't able to attend the wedding, but we make sure to attend the reception, which was held where our reception had been a year earlier.  It is a very formal place with elegant table settings and real plates, glassware, etc.   It was a bit nostalgic as we walked in.  We were immediately greeted by Keith, who was wearing a tux with a neon blue tie and cummerbund  of the kind usually found on high school boys in the early 80's.  He has obviously been drinking, but we give him our congratulations and head to find a table with the family.  

Once I am seated, I notice that there are four women in bridesmaid dresses and two little girls in formal wear.  The dresses are a bit odd, as they are neon pink, backless and strapless.  The bridesmaids were mostly in their thirties and appeared to be cold and/or falling out of their dresses.  They definitely were uncomfortable (and I found out later...they hated their dresses, but were too afraid of Laura to say anything...It is interesting that none of the attendants, with the exception of the maid of honor, are people Laura knows...it is all Keith's family....has this woman no friends?).  I look towards the head table. There are matching numbers of men, dressed in neon blue.  Now, I am not one to take a bride to task for her color scheme, but I haven't seen dresses like these since my high school prom and certainly was perplexed as to why a bride would have her bridesmaids wear clothing that is not only unflattering but completely unseasonable.  And why would you have a wedding party of ten people for a simple house wedding?  I had a formal church wedding and fewer attendants!   The bride herself was wearing a large white bride's dress with a cathedral train.  Once again, I am perplexed by what she was doing with a cathedral train in her own home.  You couldn't even fit the whole thing in her living room!

Curious,  I turn to an aunt and ask her about the wedding.  She tells me that it was standing room only, with several people unable to even see the wedding as they were stuck behind a wall in the kitchen.  The ceremony lasted ten minutes which left everyone with four hours to kill until the reception and no where to sit or wait out the time. She also mentioned that the bride made her dress and the bridesmaids dresses.  So, it's not even like these were the only dresses available at short notice!

The reception continues with finger foods and overpriced drinks (typical for a wedding).  Hubby and I are bombarded with people reminding us of our reception and how nice it had been and how they wished they were at our reception again.  I was a little embarrassed...I didn't want to upstage this bride.  She could do that for herself, apparently.  It was time for the toasts.  The bride's daughter was the maid of honor and her toast went something like   "Well, I guess you're married. He seems like a nice guy, I suppose I'll have to get to know him now."  Not exactly a glowing recommendation from your new stepdaughter, but she is apparently still stewing about getting thrown out of the house at 18 so her mom could move in with her "love".

Then comes the bride's turn.  She is going to toast her new husband with a "family heirloom....a poem my grandmother wrote....How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways..."  She does this with perfect calm.  She apparently really thinks her grandmother wrote the Elizabeth Barrett Browning poem.  She also muffs the beginning of the poem with "How do I love me?" and has to start over. 

A few moments later, the bride has a caterer whispering in her ear.  The five tier cake (which apparently she also made?) needs to be cut.  We all turn to find out why....it has started to lean and is making a move towards the floor.   Dancing begins with the hokey pokey and it just continues badly from there.  Because everyone, including the bride and groom is stinking drunk and can't really stand up.  That is when they aren't out on the deck smoking and complaining about the reception site as being "lame and stupid".

After two hours, as this is a Sunday and we have to work, we head for the door, congratulating the bride and groom.  The groom protests that we have to stay and dance because they "have the place until midnight!" The bride looks at us and says " Do I even know you?"  I want to scream, NO, and head out, but we smile and leave. 

A month later we received a thank you note for our cash gift (we figured they needed it).  It was a quarter sheet of blue copy paper with their initials copied on it and covered with glitter glue.  The rest of the note was also a photocopy of a handwritten note with a blank left for the gift where they had written in a different color of ink our gift.  It was not even signed, but I knew from the address who it was from.

I am just perplexed as to what kind of wedding the bride was trying to throw.  A formal wedding with the attire and cake?  A simple wedding at home with a simple reception and thank you notes?   Nobody is even sure what the rush for a wedding was....they were living together already and they aren't currently expecting any children.  His whole family is giving it about a year.

WeddingsfromHell0222-04

Thank you ever so much for this site! It has provided hours of entertainment for me and several friends. I am now planning my own wedding and hope that I do not commit any faux pas worthy of these pages. That being said, I have a fairly good mish-mash about the general goings on in my place of work regarding weddings.

I have been at the same job for the last few years, and while I have really enjoyed my co-workers, when it comes to weddings and showers some of them are truly unreal. What amazes me is that SO MANY people in one company can have the same lack of etiquette.

The first wedding I encountered at the company was that of a second-time bride. I was approached about helping out with a "work shower" for her. I don't agree with throwing showers for the second time around, but agreed to do my part. A few days later, I was informed that the couple did not need anything, but that we would be doing a "money tree". Okay, not my cup of tea, but I thought I would go with the flow. 

The shower was fine and a few days later I was approached about attending a bachelorette party. I politely told the hostess that I simply could not afford a night out on the town...I was an entry-level administrative assistant living on my own. She coaxed and insisted until I agreed. I attended the party and spent a good bit of money I didn't have, but it seemed to make the bride happy that I was there, so I was happy. 

A week later, the couple was married on an island and came back home for the reception. The reception was held in the FOYER of a ballroom (not in the room) at a local hotel. There was a cash bar and literally NOTHING else to drink...apparently I was not the only person there surprised by this as not one person appeared to be ready with cash. After watching the ceremony video the bride proceeded to cut and serve her own cake as she didn't hire any help from the hotel. On seeing this, I immediately offered to take over and served cake to everyone. After the bulk of the guests left (rather quickly), I loaded all of the gifts on a cart and helped them take them to the honeymoon suite. A few days later I got a call from the bride...she was calling to let me know that she was returning the check I had given them for their wedding present (normally I would have purchased a gift but they had pretty much requested money). I was (naturally) shocked at the idea and asked why. She (snottily) replied that she heard I was in "dire straights" and she wouldn't want to further that. I told her that times had indeed been tight but that I wouldn't give a gift I didn't want her to have. We hung up and she cashed the check....never got a thank you note for any of it.

The next wedding in line was that of a first time bride in her late twenties. The wedding was to be held several states away on the water. She had asked me on a few occasions for help in looking for vendors on the internet (I'm known around the office to have a bit of a knack when it comes to the web so this was no big surprise) and I was happy to help. Because the wedding was so far away and this woman wasn't a close friend, I never expected to be invited. 

As the wedding date neared she sent out invitations. I did not get one, but a co-worked who did showed it to me. First off, the location of the ceremony was a THREE HOUR drive from the nearest airport. To make matters worse, registry information (three cards worth) were neatly tucked in with the invite. Later on, she had the gall to ask me if I planned to attend. I told her that I had not received an invitation. Her reply was that she couldn't afford invitations for everyone but assumed that I would know I was invited. I politely declined. I did, however send a small gift for which I received no thank you note. This year she had a baby and I sent a shower gift (why do I this) and of course, no thank you again.

Since then there have been six baby showers where I have *always* bought gifts off the registry for and again, NOT ONE THANK YOU!

Now that I am planning my own wedding, things are much worse. My future hubby and I have had about 20 "self-invites" where people have either asked if they could come or told us that they would "be in town" on our date. Then, two ladies from work told me about this "GREAT" shower idea where you have the guests address their own envelopes. (I swear they weren't kidding.) Another, upon hearing me say to a female "self-invite" that our budget would not allow us to invite anyone but family (a little white lie), started asking me about our plans and suggesting cuts so we could invite more people!!  I suppose her heart was in the right place but I hardly think it was appropriate considering that I didn't ask for advice.

DOWN WITH "SELF-INVITES" and Cheer to you!! 

WeddingsfromHell0226-03

A lot of the things that went wrong here weren't the Bride and Groom's fault but it was a dreadful day nonetheless. It started badly with my husband and I leaving ourselves 5 1/2 hours to do the 3 hour journey as we wanted to have a nice lunch before the 3pm wedding. Unfortunately we got stuck in the most horrendous traffic and ended up skidding into the church 5 minutes late. We felt so bad! Anyway, we were starving as we don't eat breakfast (I know, very bad of us!) and looking forward to the reception as everything was beautiful and we expected good things as no expense had been spared, the men were all in top hats and tails, the bride and bridesmaids in beautiful dresses. 

After the wedding the photos began, some at the church and others in the grounds of the ruined castle that was next door and where the reception was being held. We expected maybe an hour of photos and then to sit down to eat, we had a surprise! The photos took 4 hours and finally finished at 8pm! Several times my husband threatened to leave because he was so hungry, I wouldn't let him as that would have been *really* rude. 

During the photos the bride's Mother was incredibly rude to me for no reason, acting very snooty that I was married 'so young' when I was older than her daughter. And she knew exactly how old I was because we were discussing being at university with the groom (same age as us, older than his wife). 

We're finally allowed to go in for the buffet at 8pm and we notice that there is no seating plan, this I thought was very lazy. Anyway, the bridal party went up first and then everyone else. The meal was (and this is not an exaggeration), a roll of ham each, 1 sausage each, a plate of little triangles of cheese of which we all got 2 pieces, a roll and half a spoonful of mushrooms in a cream sauce. It was all served to us at the buffet table and the portions were very carefully measured by the server so no chance of taking extra. Once we'd got our measly portions we then discovered that there weren't enough tables and chairs for everyone, there were people leaning on the bar to eat, standing in corners and even sitting on the floor. My husband and I shared 1 seat taking turns to eat. The food actually ran out before the last people could be served. There were absolutely no drinks served all day either, not even jugs of water. 

I'm not sure whether the bride and groom ran out of money so couldn't afford to feed us or whether they just got excited and invited more people than they should have but suffice to say we had to leave straight after the speeches and first dance in order to get to a restaurant before we passed out. We're still good friends with this couple and have never told them what an awful time we had as they really enjoyed themselves and we don't want to ruin their memories, hence me offloading my story on you. It may not sound that bad here but it still ranks as the worst wedding we've been to. Catherine

WeddingsfromHell1104-03

My cousins and I are very different people, and most people would not be able to guess that we are related. My father's only brother is a dark, depressive man who raised two selfish depressive children. The youngest of their two children, who I'll call "Karen," is five years older than me. During our lives, she's been incredibly unpredictable. We see each other on holidays, and her attitude towards me is always a surprise. 

When I became engaged, everyone in our families were so excited-- except Karen. She refused to speak to me for weeks. Quickly, she became engaged to her very new unemployed gnome-of-a-boyfriend. I felt obligated to include Karen as we had promised each other that we would be each other's bridesmaids as long as I can remember. I asked Karen to sing at my wedding as she has a beautiful voice. She agreed. 

At our wedding rehearsal, we were told by the organist that my cousin had told her that she had not practiced the song at all (although she had been promising me for several months that she was practicing with her organist). Needless to say, her performance was horrible. Her performance has become legendary with our friends and family, and we have spent many an evening re-enacting the side-splitting ordeal. Karen approached me a year before her wedding to request that I be a part of her wedding (not long after I had asked her to sing). However, she asked that I keep it a secret as she was not planning on asking my only sister. I agreed, but of course told my sister. My sister laughed heartily as she agreed that she did not want a part in it anyway. Karen planned her wedding for shortly after my own, and with my own planning, I forgot that I was supposed to be a part of the wedding party. 

I, incidentally, was never invited. I did receive an invitation, however, as did all of my mother's relatives. This is strange as my mother and father have been divorced for years, and she would not have seen my maternal family since childhood. However, when talking with Karen, she constantly pointed out that she had "over 250" guests invited to her wedding. I suppose this was her way of undercutting my plan of having a very small family wedding.  In fact, everything about Karen's wedding was supposedly bigger and better. When Karen's wedding day arrived, my husband and I drove three hours to our hometown to attend. I carried presents from my maternal family as well. Karen's wedding party had 26 people including her and the groom: 2 pastors, 6 bridesmaids, 6 groomsmen, 6 junior bridesmaids, 2 flower girls, 2 ring bearers. The church, however, held less than 100 people. Apparently, 150+ invitees decided not to show. 

The wedding was quick, and we went to the "cake cutting." We were told that we were invited to a later "young people party" that would start across town one hour after the ending of the wedding. At this party, we were told, a full dinner would be served.  However, we were expected to attend the cake cutting first. My husband, my father, his girlfriend, and my elderly grandparents waited one and one half hours in the church gym munching on mixed nuts and sweet pickles. Eventually the bride and groom came in to cut the cake. This then lasted another hour. At that point, those of us invited to the other party were directed to leave in front of the other guests who were not invited. We drove 45 minutes to a smoky, smelly, tacky VFW clubhouse in the backcountry of Tennessee. 

At this point, we were forced to wait another hour while the limo (with the bride and groom) "circled the city getting their money's worth." Nearly five hours AFTER the ceremony (which was held at 5pm), the bride and groom invited us to a buffet of barbequed pork donated by a friend of the groom. After the dinner, the maid of honor stated that the couple would be holding a "dollar dance." This is a southern custom in which guests at the reception give the bride $1 for a dance. (This is not a Southern custom.  Prim and proper Southern matriarchs would faint at the thought of doing something so "Yankee".) This usually lasts only a few minutes, and is humorous as men "cut-in" over and over. However, Karen decided that each man got a whole song, and made it known that she expected more than $1. She also made it known that the guests were expected to supply the music as she had decided on a "karaoke" reception. This lasted another hour. 

Finally, my elderly grandmother got a head ache and we were allowed to leave to take her home. Now, Karen has not only supplied us with humorous memories of our own wedding, but I now have a new story about the Kareoke wedding I attended. By the way, my maternal family keeps asking me why they haven't received their thank you notes. I tell them to be thankful that they didn't have to attend the horrid event.

WeddingsfromHell0318-04

LOVE YOUR SITE!!! Here is the story of my wedding: Right after we got engaged we called all of our friends with the happy news and the date so they could plan ahead. We called my DH friend and asked him to be a groomsman and gave him all the pertinent information. Twenty minutes later his wife called me back and asked if we could move the wedding date because that day didn't work for them. She suggested we move it to the Friday before or the Sunday after, just not that Saturday. I politely told her no but to be more accommodating we would move the time from 7 pm to 6 pm to help her out. Problem solved.

Fast forward to 1 month before the wedding. My husband calls me in a panic. He had just realized that he asked 9 guys to be groomsmen and I had 8 bridesmaids (I know this is not a major but I am big on symmetry). No sweat, I called a friend from childhood and explained the situation and told her I got to add to my special girls and I would love it and be honored if she would join us. She accepted and was soooo sweet. Problem solved.

Fast forward to the week of the wedding. Me, my DH, FOB, MOB, and 4 attendants all come down with the Norwalk virus. We couldn't get out of bed for 3 days, it was too painful. On Tuesday during the disease the dear bridesmaid that had stepped up called me in tears saying she had tested positive for TB and was being driven home by her parents for testing. She was contagious and couldn't be in the wedding. I was too sick to be upset. She apologized profusely, she really felt horrible. Her parents called to apologize but I ended up having to hang up on them to run to the bathroom ( we can all laugh about this now). She called back on Thursday and it was a false positive and she is coming back and can bee in the wedding. 

By the day of the wedding everyone feels great and it is going perfectly. We get to the church and everyone is there early for pictures. Everyone except for 1 girl in the house party. She shows up at 5:30 for the 3:00 pictures and says in my earshot that she doesn't understand why we have to be there so early. Well there are more than 100 people on my side of the family so it would be a huge hassle to do pics afterwards. No matter. 5:55 and we are about to walk down the aisle. My sweet younger sister (MOH2) comes up to me bawling!! The house party girl was telling everyone that she couldn't believe that she wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid and was carrying on to anyone that would listen. She told my sister that she was taking her corsage off and sitting with her husband rather than in the place of honor I had for her and the other girls. She was sobbing to anyone that would listen. My sister was so upset. I informed the wedding coordinator who handled the issue. She ended up sitting where I had asked but she didn't smile (its on the video and in the pictures) and she left the reception immediately. We haven't spoken since. Oh well. Everything else was perfect and except for the minor hiccups it was perfect. Oh, and the girl that asked us to move the wedding she didn't even come.

WeddingsfromHell0325-04

Gosh I love your site -reading all of these stories reminds me of a wedding we attended 5 years ago.  This may not be as bad as most but, you decide if you'd like to post this.  

My hubby's friend was getting married to his girlfriend/live-in of 7 years.  Lets call them Joan & Frank.  Hubby was BM.  We live outside of the city, aka "sticks", so we have some room to move - no neighbors, and privacy.   We volunteered our home to be the place for the stag & doe, and actually that worked out very well.  It was the wedding - the day before, during and after that was the problem.    

Outside wedding - Tent - August - Getting married on groom's parents property (beautiful) and tent is across the road for wedding reception.  Major family from the groom's side in from out of town from a western province.    Night before wedding - Tent is up - time to get the bridesmaids together to decorate the tent.  One didn't show - out of two.  I was there with hubby - stepped up to the plate and started in.  While we blew up balloons and tied/hung them, the "boys" went into town to get their tuxes and whatever....  5:30 pm.  By 6:00 - the FOG was complaining about where the guys were and how come they weren't back.  By 7:00 pm, he's had a bit too much to drink and complaining some more that he cannot believe his son would be so disrespectful as to be so late when all " his relatives" have come in from so far for his wedding and he's not here.  

During this time, the Mother of the Groom went out and picked up KFC for dinner for all - ewww, yum..  AND....we are still decorating the tent - getting the tables ready, the lighting right, making sure that no-one is going to trip on the cords, etc.  And to be honest here, it was me and the other bridesmaid doing this.  No problem, but this isn't exactly what I signed up for.  So the boys finally get back - maybe 7:30/8:00 - there were some problems with the tuxes and they stopped for a drink together.  No Big deal.  FOG flipped right out on not only my hubby, but everyone including his son in front of everyone, and then proceeded to say really nasty things about his new DIL. - Gosh, how absolutely awful.  What a way to start a marriage.  There was a verbal fight between the groom and his dad - and hubby and &  I just had to leave.  It was just so embarrassing.  I cannot imagine what the relatives there must have thought......   

Wedding Day - 8:00 am I get a call from bride's maid saying that the balloons we blew up the night before are "down".  Guess what? Helium balloons are  treated - guess the bride didn't bother to figure that out and get the right ones.   DUH.  I ran out and got the right ones -  Plus, another helium tank.  Between three of us that morning - me, one of the guys, and some cousin staying, we did it.  The Bridesmaids  & Bride were out already doing their hair thing or whatever.  Fine -no prob.   

By 2:00 pm the boys were setting up the bar and kegs - when they poured that first beer - oohhh - problemo.  It tasted like crap.  Flat, and yukky.  After much research into the situation, it was determined that both the kegs were no good.  It was a major dash to the Beer Store that day for cold brew to sustain the festivities.  It also involved us (hubby & I ) forking out some cash to help them out.   Ok - fine - it's their day....   

The ceremony - It was nice, tense but nice. (Given everything that had been said the night before).  Only thing is nothing was delegated.  The chairs from the ceremony needed to go back to the tent.  Guess who got that info and had to rely it to other buddies that I could relate to?  Then, bride forgot that her wine for the tables was corked and that the caterers were not going to take care of that.   Guess who was asked to take care of that too?  Fortunately the groom had some wonderful cousins and together we uncorked the wine and placed it on the tables. No big deal, but I was starting to feel like a servant.  So did they.  

When the speeches came up - I was most interested in hearing what the FOG would say....never a word about welcoming Joan into the family.  Wow...still blows me away.  So the music starts, and I begin to think, yes...enough, no worries, let's have some fun.  And btw - where's my husband?  He gave an incredible speech and deserves a kiss for his good naturedness.  I find him outside of the tent, talking to a few of the bride's relatives including her dad who is a really nice person.  The next thing I know is that her brother punches her dad (who btw is in his 70's),& my husband and a few of the groom's cousins are in shock firstly, but instinctively break it all up - it's nasty.  That's all I can say is just nasty.   Lots of faux pas here - I could list them, but if you've read this, hopefully  that's enough.  And I never got even an acknowledgment or  thank you from them....ever.  It would have been nice, but again - it's okay with me. Mostly I like to be in the background anyway.   AFTER - well, They didn't last 2 years......go figure.

WeddingsfromHell0327-04

My husband was a groomsman in this wedding. The groom was one of his closest friends that was in our wedding. He met a girl from a town on the other side of our state through one of his and my husband's friends (our best man). We were invited to the wedding and my husband was to get a tux. Since hubby and I both work, we had to take days off of work to be there for the rehearsal dinner and get the tux, etc.

We got the measurements for the tux at a local shop and sent them to the groom who lost them. Then we ended up having to get them submitted again through the mother of the groom (thank goodness she was taking care of it). They did not give us directions or the name of the tux shop. They gave us the name of two "nice" hotels to stay at close to the wedding sites. There were hooks on the ceilings, sticky carpet, no phone in the room and hourly rates available. The other one was booked (we heard it was just as bad). Ours ran out of hot water the morning of the wedding. There was a Holiday Inn nearby but they felt that was too expensive so they didn't even tell us about it.

I had to call the tux shops in the yellow pages until I found the one that had hubby's tux. It was a 45 minute ride from where we were (away from our home). We finally got it...turns out they picked it because the groom was free plus they got to keep the cummerbund or something like that (all the others offered the free groom but not to keep something).

The rehearsal dinner is Friday night. The preacher asks anyone involved in the wedding move to one side of the church. I am sitting on the one side all by my lonesome. No big deal. I am not a friend of the bride and the groom is my husband's friend, so I am not offended (yet). The Best Man (also had been our BM) can't make it due to work. The preacher asks me to stand in which gets the mother of the bride all worked up. He explains he just wants someone there so they can spatially know what is what. She asks that they send up the girl doing the guest book as they are family and I am not. The preacher says no she is here it isn't a big deal. Well this just starts the ball rolling....

After the rehearsal we go outside to get directions to the rehearsal dinner and talk is of the cars for the wedding. They tell my husband that they need our car for the wedding. They want each groomsman to drive (two cant drive so they are getting drivers arranged). They need my car so the bride says I can "hop a ride" with someone else...I only know about four people there. They all have shared a rental and have no room for me. My husband says no I want my wife to just drive there so I don't have to worry about her. They are not happy but agree to pair the non-driving GM with the ones that can. The bride is not happy because she wants a convoy of many cars! Why can't I be reasonable? I have said nothing about this. I tell my husband I will get a cab. He says ok because they are at this point screaming about it. More on this later.

I am then told by the bride that I can drop my husband off at the rehearsal dinner and come back for him at 1 am or he can just stay with the groom that night and I can bring his tux over because he needs to help detail and then decorate the cars. My husband is not happy at all. He says no we got a hotel room and he will be going back after the rehearsal WITH his wife. Apparently bride's sister thinks my husband is nice and would like to spend time with him. I drop hubby at the rehearsal dinner and then go to the hotel where he will call the desk to send me a message or I am to show up at 10 pm to get him if I don't hear from him. 

I get a message about ten minutes after arriving, they need me back because since the BM is not there they have to pay for the dinner anyway because they reserved it. The desk manager is not happy about coming to get me. I go back over. The dinner is over. They hand me the dinner in a box and the MOB comes up to me and say "How are you involved in this wedding again?" as she takes the boxed food from my hands. She asks why I am late for the rehearsal and ruining her daughter's big day. I explain that they had told me I wasn't invited then they called me to come so I came. She said you can go now thanks so much with a smile. I am then told by the groom to drop my husband off in the morning with his tux (hubby is in bathroom). I said ok. 

All this time I am very agreeable and not making any noise at all, nor do I during the whole ordeal. Hubby comes out and says I will be there for a bit tomorrow to help but he can't stay all day as he has work to do that he brought with him. Turns out they were all going to go swimming at a local lake and sister of the bride wanted to spend time with him. Hubby says no. This sweet man I married refuses to leave me in a hotel room (and an scary one at that) all by myself.

The wedding day comes. Hubby helps with the cars and I pick him up at the pre-decided time he gave me. Bride is not happy he is leaving but other married groomsmen have their wives there. She knows them I guess. He pulls the groom aside and says that he doesn't feel comfortable having me there all by myself at the hotel. It was very noisy the night before with the patrons there. Other family members checked out and went to the Holiday Inn. Groom was not happy about that but it didn't seem to hit him this was a sleazy hotel. He felt everyone should be happy. Apparently spending money on gifts was more important than safe lodging.

Now we are at the church. My husband goes in our car with sister of bride. Thank goodness we have bucket seats or she would have been on his lap. I call a cab from the church office. It doesn't come. Finally church personnel see me there still and ask what is going on. I explain I called the cab company. It is not there yet. They say it doesn't really operate on time and they will drive me over to the reception. Actually the cab company they explain will not take me that far because it is out of their realm. Everyone else had left, and I had asked for a ride and they all said no room (even though two in car). My husband was worried sick about me when I wasn't there for awhile. I finally get there and on the ride home over the church lady informs me how rude the bride is and how she made so many demands. Apparently they were not the first choice of a church and the other first choices had bounced her.

I get there late and my seat and place card are not there. I finally get a seat next to friends from our home town that made only the reception. I had dinner and then dancing started. Hubby dances with Sister/BM. When open dancing he grabs me to go on the floor and she breaks in that she can ONLY dance with him not me. Hubby is not one to yield and hates dancing so that didn't happen. We left as soon as we could.

The next day we try to find someone else to take the tux back. We can't. The shop doesn't open until noon and it is adding to our trip. We end up leaving many hours later than we planned. Husband doesn't talk to the Groom (not in same town so not a stretch) but sees brother. Apparently family hates bride. They had kids but also many problems. Heard divorce is in future.

I had never felt so unwanted in my entire life. I just kept my mouth shut. It could have been worse had I chimed in. Best Man ends up marrying sister of the bride that was hot for my hubby. We are not able to go to the wedding because I am due to have a baby and can't travel. I get scathing letter from her in response to the wedding gift (but not thanking) we sent because I am totally unthoughtful because my husband is his friend and I am afraid to loose my husband to her!!! She says not to show anyone the letter. Of course I show hubby. Groom calls to see if he will come alone and he won't (it is my due date but I end up going a week early anyway). They have not spoken since. 

The MIL (grooms mom) hates the bride and her family. She tells my mother in law all the time of the terrible things she does. Groom is not happy at all. I really feel bad for both guys. They were nice guys.

Hubby and I have been married twenty years, kids and lots of love.

WeddingsfromHell0429-04

My cousin met this girl on line. She is 5 years his junior. After knowing each other for only 6 months they got engaged and 4 months after that they got engaged they were married. This girl only being 20 did not have much experience in planning a wedding especially since she would be the first one in her family to be married. Just a little bit of information about the couple. He dropped out of high school and she was home schooled (this is kind of an important fact).

Anyways, the happy couple did not start planning for the wedding until about 2 months before. The bride asked her sister to be bridesmaid, but declined being that she was due to have a baby around the time of the wedding. Wanting to have at least 2 bridesmaids the bride-to-be asked her 2 aunts. When the bride finally got around to picking out the dresses she wanted the bridesmaids to wear a certain color dress with a certain design. The bridesmaids went out and bought matching dresses that were totally opposite of what the bride requested.

Then came the day of the shower. The bride-to-be and her mother both arrived an hour late. They were both dressed in dirty jeans and t-shirts (while the guests were all dressed in nice pants and shirts). The bride-to-be seemed uninterested in her gifts and the shower quickly ended after that. BTW still haven't received a TY for the gift.

Then comes the day of the wedding. Keep in mind that from their upbringings neither really had friends for the most part family was the only ones invited. Our grandmother had recently fallen ill so she was not able to attend the wedding so another cousin videotaped it for her. First of all, the brides mother shows up wearing a white dress. Then half her family stands up in the front of the church talking during the ceremony. During this time her mother keeps running up and down the aisle snapping pictures and talking to the other guests (keep in mind this is during the ceremony!) One of her sisters is making out heavily with her date in the front row of the church. It was basically like watching a three ring circus. However, this is not the worst of it.

Then comes the reception. On each table are little bells to ring instead of banging on the table. The happy couple comes in and the guest start ringing the bells. The mother of the bride runs up to the couple and tries to pull them apart. Every time the bells would ring she would pull the couple apart. She even pushed people out of the way to get to them and separate them. At one point she made a point to swear at the crowd "quite ringing those f****bells stop it now" Which of course made the crowd of about 50 people (over 100 were invited and most left before 9PM) do it all the more (a fine time for the woman to get morals she had four kids by four different men without being married and now doesn't want her married daughter's husband to touch her?) When it came time for the bride to throw her bouquet her mother pushed all the other women out of the way to catch it and then started dancing around because she caught it...our side of the family started joking that she was one of the people from the hills in a classic TV show...it is sad when a mother can't even let her own daughter be the center of attention on her wedding day. It did however give grandma a good laugh.

WeddingsfromHell0505-04

My best friend got married a year ago and it was the most dramatic time of our lives. I endured 14 months of “Bridal Hell” throughout this whole ordeal.

To start off, my friend, “Sally” had 2 MOHs, her older sister “Ellen” and myself. I have known both Sally and Ellen since we were kids. I knew Ellen was a little crazy, but to what extent, I was unsure. Ellen tried to pull a lot of selfish crap on Sally. For instance, she tried to get Sally to move her wedding date. Then when that didn’t work, Ellen didn’t partake in any planning.

I decided to throw the shower and wanted the assistance of another BM, Keri. The whole thing turned into a dictatorship with Sally’s mother overseeing the event. Ellen tried to get me to change the date of the bridal shower, but I made it clear that it wasn’t going to change. She did not help or chip in as promised.

When I brought it up to Sally after the wedding that Ellen didn’t help with anything, she screeched that it was MY responsibility to pay for everything since I was MOH. I pointed out that there were TWO MOHs. I wondered why did she have two if all responsibilities were being doled out to only one MOH? Her sister didn’t deserve the title of MOH.

At the shower, I tried to get the attention of all of the guests so we could begin the games. There was only one person in the room that ignored me. It was the guest of honor, Sally! She continued to chat away to someone completely unaware of how rude that was. If you can’t even get the attention of the bride, why bother? No one else was going to listen. It got better after that and things went smoothly.

Ellen decided to finally help with something; she was going to plan the bachelorette party. She wanted to plan it with Keri and me. Well, Ellen repeatedly changed the date/place/time we were supposed to meet to plan the event, so Keri and I met for dinner to discuss it ourselves. The meeting went well and we decided on something like a “pajama” party. Later, Keri relayed the ideas to Ellen and she instantly hated it and opted for something else. She and Keri changed all of the plans, but didn’t let me know what was going to happen.

Ellen mailed out invitations to all of the other girls and “forgot” to mail one to my sister, a mutual childhood friend and me. We were given an oral invitation. I had no clue where Ellen lived. Hell, I didn’t know my way around the city where she lived! So I mentioned it to Sally a week prior. Sally told me where she lived and I figured we’d find it.

The day of the bachelorette party came and the three of us headed down to Ellen’s house. We found her house and tried the doorbell. No one answered, so we knocked and waited. I didn’t think we were at the right place, so we ran to a not so nearby payphone to call the bride to ask where they were. (Unbeknownst to me, Ellen’s doorbell did not work and she lived on the upper of a flat. She noted that tiny detail on the invitation, but omitted it from any conversation that we’ve had.) So, the three of us went back to that house and went in. We had a horrible time and ducked out early. The best part of the evening was when the bachelor party joined us. Bad, yes!

Ellen wasn’t the only bad bridal party member in this. There we the other BMs who couldn’t perform simple tasks such as, showing up to put a deposit on their dresses. Sally’s FSIL didn’t even pay for hers! She forced Sally to do it because she was unemployed. Sally and her Mom were the ones paying for a bulk of the wedding!

That being said, we’ll fast forward to the day of the wedding. Everything ceremony wise went wonderfully. It was beautiful and a happy time. Post-ceremony and reception, well, that’s another thing!

Sally told me months prior to the wedding that she didn’t want me to make a toast. She expected it only from Ellen and one of the Best Men, Todd. We were in the limo and Sally turned to me and informed me that I *had* to make a toast. I was flabbergasted and the only thing I could muster was “You guys suck!” I hadn’t prepared for this! A little notice would’ve been nice.

During the toasts, the Best Man called Sally by the wrong name.  He was rip-roaring drunk and slipped out immediately after dinner. (He missed the garter/bouquet toss.) I stumbled thru mine and everyone made sure they told me how much mine sucked, which I will shamefully admit. (I still cannot laugh about it!) Ellen’s was actually very good. She got really teary, as did the bride. It was a great toast.

After dinner, I went to the bar to mingle with my other friends. I spotted a friend of mine that was not in the bridal party so I stopped to say hello. This friend attacked me about standing up in my wedding. I had just gotten engaged to my now ex-fiancé and we had set a date out for almost two years away. (I wanted it to be far away from Sally’s wedding.) She badgered me about my choice of possible attendants and she was irate that I didn’t ask her. I calmly told her that the wedding was two years away and nothing was set in stone. When she wasn’t looking, I fled.

Back inside the ballroom, Sally’s cheesy DJ was starting the dancing. He would not play any of the songs that were requested. Sally’s sister, Ellen, had to PAY the DJ $20 to hear one song! And she wanted it to be played for Sally! He was obnoxious and rude. My ex-fiancé and I ducked out early to get some sleep. I guess it was too much wedding brouhaha for us.

The next day at the gift opening, I was told that one of our guy friends STOLE a groomsman’s truck out of the parking lot. I guess he took it for a joyride instead of bringing in a CD from the groomsman’s truck. Needless to say, this ex-friend did not have a license or insurance!

After a 13-week wait to get the wedding video, I was invited over to view it. The videographer never put a microphone on the groom, so you couldn’t hear the vows! We had to watch their lips move and guess what was going on..

Eventually, the video leads into the wedding party at the dinner buffet table filling our plates. Imagine our surprise as the videographer zoomed in on Keri’s cleavage! Talk about a horrible wedding!!!

WeddingsfromHell0512-04

This story is very long, but it gets better...or worse...as you go.

I have my own wedding faux pas to submit for a wedding I sang at, amongst other things. A woman I work with, we'll call her Susie, had lived with her fiancé for 7 years, and they have a 4 year old son together. They were finally getting married and she spent an entire year, at work, preparing her wedding instead of working. Something the manager's and other co-workers had commented on.

She was looking for ways to cut corners, and, being engaged myself, I could understand that. When the date was finally confirmed, she asked me to sing at the wedding...I have regularly sang at weddings in the past and am a lead singer in my church, so my voice is quite good. I agreed with pleasure because, although we never got together outside of work, we were quite friendly at work. I was flattered to be asked.

She offered to pay for the backing tracks for the songs she chose, and to pay me a small fee, which I gratefully accepted, since I am saving for my own wedding and money is very tight (I work two jobs and study part time).

She was planning a very lavish wedding (in terms of the number of guests), and since she knew many celebrities in the local entertainment industry, she felt that she had certain standards to meet. She was forever going on about how many different countries people were flying in from to attend her wedding and how wonderful the wedding was going to be.

She approached me and asked me, in addition to singing at the wedding, to also design the Order of Service, since I am very handy with computers. I agreed, and didn't expect compensation, since nothing had been discussed. I did, however, think that she would carry the cost of the printing.

The list of songs kept on changing and the number of songs to be sung, and there were numerous changes to the Order of Service that I'd designed, which kept me pretty busy. Then, I was told that the Organist would be playing the music instead, and could I please organize the sheet music (this was a week and a half before the wedding, and the song list had yet to be finalized). I managed to do so, at my own cost, and got the music through to the organist.

The Wednesday before the wedding, the rehearsal was scheduled to take place. I got a hysterical phone call from the bride, telling me that the wedding was off. She and her DH had a huge fight, and the wedding was off. She wanted me to tell everyone that had been invited from work.

By this stage, the wedding had gone from 450 people to 150. She had uninvited 300 people. A faux pas in itself, since the invitations had already gone out.  I calmed her down and convinced her to sleep on it, and if she still felt that way the next day, I would inform everyone.

The next day, she called me to tell me that the wedding was back on, but she'd cancelled the reception venue the night before, lost a R7000 deposit (that's about $1000) and would my fiancé and his brother consider catering the reception, which was now to be held at the brother's house. The guest list had been trimmed again to 80 people.

My fiancé is a qualified caterer studying hotel management and his brother is a qualified chef who works at a 5 star resort. I phoned them (2 days before the wedding) and they agreed to meet with the bride.

She told them that she wanted a 3 course buffet meal, each course consisting of about 7 different options (including prawns for starters), for 80 people. The kicker was that she wanted it for R2100 (about $300). In addition, she wanted to also get the tables, the chairs, the chair covers and the marquis as a part of that R2100 ($300). They agreed to try, and asked for R350 ($50) for labor. The average price for a buffet meal here, is about R210 ($70) per person, so they were going to do her a huge favor, since they would normally charge $5600 for 80 people, not to mention that they would have less than 24 hours to produce all the food.

I also get told, at 15h00 that the wedding rehearsal will now occur that evening, and I have to get the backing tracks. Drive 90kms to get the backing tracks, and rush through to the church. No bride, or anyone for that matter. Two and a half hours later, and my fiancé and I are the only ones there. The priest comes out of his office, and tells us to tell the bride that he had another appointment and couldn't wait any longer. He was very upset, and so was I, as I had to get back to work to finish an urgent assignment (which kept me at work until 23h00).

The bride and groom finally show up, and we pass on the message. Go back to work, and get a phone call at 22h00 saying that they are asking for too much money to cook and they will be doing it for themselves.

Fine, we can deal with that.

Friday morning, one of the my co-workers who has been invited to the wedding as well, gets a phone call in which she is asked to pass on the message to everyone that the reception is really "for family members only".

Everyone she works with is highly upset and decides not to go, since they have been messed around and have all bought gifts from her *very* expensive registry.

Wake up on Saturday morning, and have to go to the registration day for my degree in the morning, only to get a phone call saying that the woman who was supposed to print out the Order of Service hasn't done so. Can I please do it. Okay, I agree, only to discover that the paper she was planning to use (which she got for free from a friend) doesn't take color well. In fact, it splotches onto the following page. Not pretty. Eventually rush around and make black and white copies, nothing else I can do.

Then I find out that the church has no sound system, so I have to take my hi-fi with me to play the music. Arrive at the church, which is behind a shopping mall, which you have to drive through to get to it, and start folding the Order of Service. The priest asks for one, since he hadn't been informed of what was happening either.

Four guests have now arrived, and the wedding is due to start. All the other guests are lost. No groom, no wedding party, no bride.

My fiancé is now acting as Usher while I run around co-ordinating everything and keeping everyone informed of what is happening.

The bride finally arrived, 2 hours late, and there were 20 people in the church. I'm not going to bore you with any more details but I can tell you that the rest continued in the same vein. The bride was miserable and didn't smile, even once. The groom was looking everywhere but at the bride during the reception. The MOH didn't wear the dress she was supposed to and shaved her head days before the wedding, the friend who was supposed to take the videos didn't know what to do and kept on asking me for help, and had to be asked to videotape special moments and so on and so forth.

Didn't go to the reception, since we'd been uninvited, and...needless to say, I never received payment for anything, and neither did my fiancé, despite the bride running him around both before the day and on the day like a hired servant.

WeddingsfromHell0624-04

This past spring, a good friend of mine from elementary and high school got married.  Even though I'd moved quite a distance away for college, we remained close friends and I was invited to the wedding.   I flew out to my parents' house - which was in the same state - and then drove down to the wedding with a friend of mine from college as my date.  

The wedding itself was great.  Both my friend and his new bride are fairly religious, conservative, quiet people, and although they come from different religious backgrounds, the ceremony honored both of those and really was beautiful.   The reception, however, was a different story.  The "historic" hotel it was held in was somewhat dark, and smelled a little damp in most of the hallways.  The room was long and narrow, with the head table along one of the long walls, the dance floor immediately in front, round tables on both sides.  The dinner was to be buffet-style, which would have worked fine, except that the caterers set up the table along one short wall, so only one line of people could go through at a time.   

The real horror, though, was the DJ.  While introducing the bridal party, not only did he get half the names wrong, he played a song more appropriate to basketball and football games - that "Hey!" song that I'm sure almost everyone is familiar with.  About the only way it could have been more inappropriate would be for it to be vulgarity-filled rap or something.   He then proceeded to play "dinner music" - which wasn't bad, except that it was far too loud for conversation to take place.  The DJ was also responsible for calling up the tables to the buffet.  Now granted, there wasn't assigned seating, but the two tables closest to the head table were for the parents and close family of the bride and groom - which was pretty obvious given the corsages and such they all had.  They were two of the last tables to get called to the buffet - some guests were nearly done with dinner by the time they got some.   

Then it was time for the dancing, bouquet, and garter.  The music for the bouquet and garter was okay - even if the bride and groom looked a little uncomfortable.  The bride and groom, and mother/father dances were okay too.  Then the dance floor was officially open, but the DJ was playing anything but the kind of music that would get the people there to dance.  A lot of the people were on the older side, and most of the younger people were my friends - and we don't so much do club-style music.   After a few songs where only a few members of the bridal party were dancing, the DJ announced a "snowball" dance.  I'd never heard of it, but apparently there's a few partners dancing on the floor, and when the DJ calls "snowball", they split up and each pick a new partner from the audience.  This got more people on the dance floor - too bad most of them left when the song was over because the DJ kept playing the bad music!   

The DJ also called a "dollar dance", something else I'd never heard of.  One of the bridesmaids and one of the groomsmen were each given a little silk purse, and went through the guests soliciting them to "pay a dollar" to dance with either the bride or groom.  It seemed very tacky to me, and very out of character for this couple.  I only saw two or three people actually participate in the dollar portion of the dance.   After that the music got a little bit better - at least to the point where some of the younger crowd was out there.  But the DJ would play a string of four good songs, and then a couple of bad ones - he really let the energy fall.   Between the lack of decent music, and the wish to avoid any other tacky things the DJ might do, my friend and I made our excuses to the happy couple fairly soon.  The only problem is that they really didn't look very happy at all.

WeddingsfromHell0630-04

Several years ago an acquaintance of mine announced she was to be married. As we were all struggling college students at the time being in a wedding wasn't something in my budget. But she asked me to be a bridesmaid and I agreed.

I should have taken it as an indication of things to come when the bride refused to decide on anything, not even the colors she wanted to use. Her hometown was 2 hours from our college. Of the 6 bridesmaids I had only met one of them, who was also an acquaintance from college. She told the bridesmaids to schedule a day to get together and go shopping together to look for a dress. She went with us but refused to give us guidelines to shop by. During our 9 hours of shopping hell the bickering was endless. The bride refused to pick a color, style, shape of dress. Five of us were pretty agreeable and I feel we could have quickly reached a decision. However, the bride's hillbilly MOH decided everything had to be her way. She picked out a two piece, sequined, halter style dress--for $400. We quickly outvoted her and she whined about it the rest of the day. By the end of our long day we were all tired and cranky and had found nothing. As we were leaving the mall someone picked up a JCPenney bridal catalog, flipped to the back and found a fluffy, icky pink dress (reminiscent of cotton candy) at this point, we didn't care. We ordered 6 of them on the spot.

I'm not sure if the bride was unfamiliar with normal bridal routines or was an excited gift piggy. She ended up with about 4 showers. The other bridesmaid, who we'll call Becky, and I offered to host a shower for her at our college. Becky and I coordinated and were fairly up-to-date on our wedding/shower etiquette--however, the bride didn't think so. We asked her for a guest list, expecting her to list a few of our friends and some of her sorority sisters. She produced a list of 122 names. She had listed people she didn't even know but had only met once or twice or had a class with at some time. She kept nagging us about sending the invitations, which we fully intended to send at the right time and had explained this to her. The bride didn't think we did it quickly enough so she prepared and mailed her own invitations--two months in advance of the shower date.

The morning of the shower arrives, Becky and I had been working together and had everything planned for our 100+ invited guests. Did I mention the poor college student part? We have saved and scrimped for this to be nice--at the college student level. We rented one of the nice campus ballrooms and had ordered cake, fruit trays, cheese trays, sandwich trays, mints, nuts, cookies punch, etc. We had paper table clothes and cute but inexpensive center pieces. The bride arrived that morning to check up on us. She was livid when we told her what food we had ordered. She immediately calls her mother 2 hours away and tells her we have screwed it up and don't have the right food. Her mother owns a restaurant. Right before the shower her mother shows up in her catering van with a full course meal prepared to serve 100+ people! Also, the bride was pissed about our decorations--she calls an acquaintance's MOTHER who is a florist and begs free fresh centerpieces for the tables! Our decorations were not bad, they were cute dammit!

After all this 12, yes TWELVE, guests showed up--including Becky, the bride's mother and me. Show's you how much people thought of her, eh?

The day of the wedding arrives. Becky and I go down the night before and spend the night so we will be there all day the day of the blessed event. We get ready, go to the church, everything seems hunky-dory. She has this friend of the family doing hair--I ended up with some scary, funky ponytail thing, but I could live with it. Anyway, she tells us to leave our personal stuff in the pastors office (remember Becky and I spent the night, so we had our bags and everything.) After the wedding is over we return to the back of the church to find that our stuff has been stolen! Digital cameras, regular cameras, purses, credit cards, keys, purses, everything! The police were called but because Becky and I had the most taken we had the stay the longest. We were with the police outside for about an hour after the ceremony. Did I mention the purses were stolen? Yeah, my car keys were in mine. When we finished giving our report we went to go back into the church and found that everyone had left and the doors were locked! We were 2 hours from home in a strange town, had just been robbed and now we were locked outside with no transportation. Thank goodness we had called our boyfriends to come and get us BEFORE we went outside to talk to the police!

Becky and I enjoyed sitting outside in the dark while the rest of the guests were hamming it up at the reception. Apparently no one noticed there were two bridesmaids missing. Thankfully the day was over, at least.

Afterwards we had to take time off from class and drive back to this town to testify or rather, identify our stuff after they caught the couple who was robbing churches. Did the bride or groom show up to offer moral support? Nope, they called in and said they couldn't make it. But the bride's dad was nice enough to come out and buy us lunch. That was the nicest thing I remember about the whole event.

WeddingsfromHell0204-04

We just traveled to my husband's nephews' wedding out of state.  This is his third wedding, his wife's fourth.  Between them, they have seven kids, never did figure out who belonged to whom.  We were told they registered at Wal-Mart, which should have been the first clue.  The wedding and reception was at a golf course about two hours from where they told us to stay, neglecting to tell us there were accommodations on the course. 

Big formal wedding, ten attendants, bride in white.  I counted 15 guests out of the 70 they had invited. The wedding started an hour late, bride comes in sobbing and shrieking, mascara running down her face as she walks down the aisle.  It was especially attractive to see her wipe her nose occasionally on her arm.  The videographer turns and yells, "Hey, it's a moose!" and we all stop and watch a young bull moose trot by, which is probably the best part of the wedding.  As the vows are being exchanged, a guest's cell phone rings and she answers it, carrying on a loud conversation about the ceremony, bride's dress, flowers, etc.  I guess the ceremony was a bit long for the MOH because she ducked out during the candle lighting and brought back a can of beer.  I am not joking!  She had a can of beer concealed beneath her bouquet.  I saw her drink out of it.  I guess I should have known when we brought wine to the rehearsal dinner and the bride said, "Who would bring wine?  How tacky!", as they chugged can after can of Bud.

The most touching moment was when the groom stood up during the reception and said, "You can only have one drink, we aren't paying for more."  It was lovely.

WeddingsfromHell0615-04

When I was a junior in college I let two of my closest friends, Tyler and Paula, move in with me. I recognize that perhaps this was a foolhardy move on my part, but Tyler was my closest friend at school and they needed a place to stay. It was a lot of fun to have them there, but I didn't see them very often because most their time in the apartment was spent in a horizontal fashion. I told them from the beginning that if they weren't careful they would get pregnant and when they did I'd make fun of Paula because her ankles would get all swollen, and she responded by saying that did she ever get pregnant she'd let me know by kicking me in the ankle so she wouldn't have swollen ankles alone. 

They had only been together for 3 months when the hours upon hours of noisy, unprotected sex "paid off" and Paula came to kick me in the ankle. Determined to make the best of it they decided to get married after they both graduated in May. They set the date in June and to the complete and utter surprise of everyone involved, Tyler asked me to be his Best "Man." After a long talk with Paula assuring me that it was something they both wanted, I agreed. Thus began the nightmare. 

To be honest, I have no one person to blame. The bride and groom were considerate and flexible through the whole ordeal, the wedding party bent over backward to make the best of the hellish experience and even the families behaved themselves, for the most part. But none of that stopped the whole thing from going freakishly wrong. I went to school in a state 1,200 miles away from home, since the wedding was more than a month after school ended, I flew back to where Tyler and Paula lived, three days before the wedding. 

Day 1. Before school ended I got together with Tyler's closest male friends to plan the bachelor party. We were to have dinner at Tyler's favorite Thai restaurant, drinks at a classy restaurant (no bar since not all of our friends were 21 yet) and then our friend Chad had generously offered have us all end up at his apartment for a party. Dinner went well until one of Tyler's ex-girlfriends showed up at the restaurant and tried to convince him that he should go with her to a strip club. She announced to the whole restaurant that he was only marrying Paula because she suckered him into by getting pregnant on purpose, and that their relationship was doomed. The manager of the restaurant kindly had her removed. 

At the bar we had a few drinks, told fabulously embarrassing stories about Tyler and were having an all-around good time till I discovered that, though the bill was $200 (there were nine of us), only three of us had come with money, and one of us was Tyler. I absolutely refused to let the groom pay for part of his own bachelor party and so an usher and I split the whole bill, leaving the rest of our friends to feel quite sheepish. 

Day 2. Paula's MOH was to be her younger sister, but since she went to school a few states away, she was not going to be there until the night before the wedding. So Paula and I spent that whole day assembling party favors for the 150 guests, hand-writing out place cards and folding invitations. By midnight we still weren't done. Where were the other bridesmaids, you ask? They couldn't be bothered, one claimed to be too busy washing her car and the other simply said she didn't want to. 

Day 3. Paula and I finished up the favors and went with the MOB to pick up the dresses. Paula's dress fit beautifully, even 5 months pregnant she was a beautiful bride. Both the MOB and I told Paula that she looked fabulous, but another girl in the store, who I can only assume was another bride-to-be turned to a woman who looked suspiciously like her mother and said, "You said I was a tramp, I least I wasn't stupid enough to get knocked up." Needless to say the pregnant, stressed-out bride cried all the way to the rehearsal dinner. 

The dinner went off smoothly, and since the MOH finally showed up, the ladies of the wedding decided to go out and celebrate since Paula had been too busy to have a bachelorette party. Since the bride was pregnant, we couldn't drink, so we decided to get dessert at a well-known restaurant in the town where the wedding will be, which is about 35 minutes from where Paula and Tyler lived at the time. 

The waitress at the restaurant was so rude we had to ask twice simply to see the menu. 45 minutes later when she came back to take our order she demanded that we hurry it up she could go on her break. We placed our orders and when the food came, she threw down on the table so hard that the strawberry topping on a piece of cheesecake splattered all over the MOH and the bride. No apology from the waitress, not even a mention that she had done anything wrong. When the bill finally came, nearly 45 minutes after we had finished dessert and asked for the check, she tried to charge us for nearly twice the amount. I straightened it out with manager, and thankfully we had a chuckle about on our way back to where we were staying, but because it had taken so long Paula and I didn't get to bed till nearly21 AM. 

The day of the wedding. The wedding was to be outdoors on Paula's mother's expansive property. We had chosen the perfect spot, and placed an ivy entwined archway in front of a beautiful lilac bush. The morning of, Paula had a hard time getting out the door and we were running a few minutes off schedule for our hair appointment set at 8 AM. To make up for this Paula sped just the tiniest bit and on her way into the town where the wedding and hairdresser were. En route, she was pulled over for speeding. Paula of course cries, already it's been a terrible day. The police officer, just doing his job, has no pity and takes his time issuing the ticket. Paula is fuming by the time she gets the hairdressers, afraid that hairdresser will be angry. But we had nothing to fear because the shop is dark, locked and empty. Paula called her mother, who in turn in typical small-town USA fashion called the hairdresser who insisted that Paula set the appointments for 9:30 AM. Paula responds by asking why she would set an appointment for 8 people (Bride, MOH, 2 BM's, flower girl, MOB, MOG and me) to have their hair done at 9:30 if the photographer was coming to take pictures at 9:45? The hairdresser promised to come and the bridesmaids and I leave to see if we could find another place to get out hair done. We did, and all three of our up-dos end up being spectacular. The rest of the women come down, still infuriated because the original hairdresser in her haste had done a terrible job on all five of them. The second hairdresser takes pity and fixes all 5 of their heads gratis. 

We get ready to leave and make the short drive to the wedding location only to discover that while we have been fixing hair, it had begun to pour rain. We prayed that it would stop while the bride cried for the third time that day and dashed to our cars. At the house the photographer had anxiously been awaiting our arrival and was frantic because he had planned on taking all the pictures outside. On top of this one of the groomsman shows up in a shirt three shades darker than the rest of the wedding party. The excuse he offers? He hadn't gone shopping for a shirt till that morning and was surprised to find that he could not find the same exact shade of gray the others had gotten. 

Still raining, and while the photographer came up with some very creative places to take pictures, the groom, groomsmen and I are trying to figure out where we're going to put 150 people if the rain does not stop. We discover that the only place close to being big enough is converted garage the MOB was using as a woodshop. So, the wedding party takes turns dashing and forth between getting our pictures taken in the house and sweeping up sawdust and setting up chairs in the garage. We cram 100 chairs into the garage and then begin trying to figure out where to put the musicians. They end up in a shed to the left of the garage. 

The guests begin arriving and huddle under umbrellas outside. We door of the garage so that Tyler and Paula's families may sit inside. They give up on the musicians and stick a wedding CD in a boom box in the corner. As the MOB is escorted down the aisle the CD begins to skip. Three seconds of silence and then the song resumes where it had stopped, it does this all through the family members, the flower girl and by the time the MOH and I begin down the makeshift aisle, the bride has pulled the plug on the boom box. She walks down the aisle without music. The ceremony is quick but sweet. The wedding party exits back to the house and all the guests that were willing pitch in to help convert the "chapel" to the "reception hall." Chairs are shifted, tables are dragged in, food is set out and the reception begins. 

Thankfully, the rest of the day went rather peacefully. After the last guest left I asked the bride how she felt about the day, she looked and me with a wry smile and said, 'Hey, at the end of the day we're married and that's all that matters to us." But to be honest, the whole ordeal has sort of spooked me from wanting to have a wedding of my own.

WeddingsfromHell0616-04

Thank you for the hilarious site, and the discussion forum. I really appreciate them both, and hope this story will serve as an amusing cautionary tale to your readers.

The Worst Wedding Ever.

While I generally think of myself as a nice person, enough time has passed that I want to share this horrible story of Bridal Hell. It all began years ago, at a rural college, when I became friends with a very nice couple who lived next door. They were a year ahead of me in school, and began dating their sophomore year. She was an excellent student, he would have been had he spent slightly more effort on the academic side of college - but he eventually graduated, a couple years late, but with the same degree we all earned. 

While on his academic hiatus, the couple became engaged. As parental and collegiate financial support was cut off for the soon-to-be groom after his second suspension, the soon-to-be bride moved back to the small college town, and began working multiple jobs to put her fiancé through school. As his graduation approached, the couple began planning their wedding, and I was delighted to be asked to be a bridesmaid. Knowing how hard the bride and groom had worked to get through school and plan this wedding, I was quite excited at helping them in any way I could. Perhaps this was the beginning of my downfall.

The couple chose to have their wedding in the bride's home town. That spring, the bride moved back from the college town to her parent's home, and began planning the wedding in late August. She first chose the dresses for the wedding - dark burgundy velvet dresses that might be a bit hot, but it was for a *friend* so who cared? Two days *after* I placed an order, I found out that the dress choice was not acceptable, since the dress did not come to all the bridesmaids specs. I cancelled the order, and when the bride called me in panicky tears, I suggested I come up that weekend and take her outlet shopping, and I could simply buy the dresses for the other girls and be paid back - since it was post-prom season we might get some steals. We even decided on a couple backup formal dresses online, which were well below the hefty price tag the previous dress carried. However, suggesting that a non-bridesmaid dress might be acceptable awakened the Momster, who freaked at the idea that a non-bridal-approved dress be used. In the end the Momster chose what looked like a royal blue tent to outfit the bridesmaids. No matter, I didn't mind looking ludicrous to honor my friends.

In June, bride and groom send out pictures from their Jack and Jill shower in College Town to myself and a bunch of other people. I was rather hurt, having not been *invited* to this shower, despite making regular trips to College Town. I decided to suck it up and not say anything - after all, I assumed the bride and groom were not the hosts and perhaps no one knew I was in the wedding party (my assumption was partially correct - the guests footed the bill, though Bride and Groom did the inviting). Plus, the Groom's 13 year old sister was MOH, and brother was Best Man, so perhaps some random friends threw it. No biggie. I turned my energy towards the bachelorette party - a fun night at a comedy club with all the Bridesmaids except the youngest after the rehearsal dinner. I talked to the Groom's mom, and we decided to go out for sundaes with the 13 year old bridesmaid, then have her mom pick her up while the rest of us went to the club.

In July, the Hotel Fiasco begins. Bride and Groom booked a block of rooms at the local Super 8 for Friday night (Saturday wedding). At an atrociously high rate (higher than the Marriott down the street, and higher than the Internet or AAA rate at the Super 8. Foolishly, I email the Groom to tell him the rate is being quoted lower if not in the wedding block. Groom fires me a hateful email saying how I was going to end up costing the Bride's dad a fortune because if the minimum was not met his credit card was charged. The hotel refused to let me make one continuous reservation for Thursday through Saturday night, so I made two cheap reservations for Thursday and Saturday, and an expensive one for Friday. I also passed the word on to friends that we should just take the Friday rooms to help out Bride's father.

My boyfriend (now fiancé) and I take a day off work to get to the Bride's hometown early to help out. I've endured countless phone calls, IMs, and emails about how the wedding is going to hell in a handbasket. Of course, that Thursday was the day of the Great 2003 Northeast Power Outage. After a harrowing drive, boyfriend and I arrive at the small town's Super Eight, to find Bride, Groom, assorted relatives, and friends waiting for us. Apparently we were the only ones with a room that night, and Bride's parents had no water (electric pump) and everyone wanted showers. We were happy to oblige. Boyfriend and I had made arrangements to take Bride and Groom to dinner that night - and we did, along with a handful of relatives. Boyfriend was not enthusiastic at the crowd, but hosted everyone graciously.

Bride woke me up around six for a ride, and I spent Friday literally running all over the county with her to pick up last minute forgets, including most of the catering (the Bride's mother was cooking the reception food). We picked up the dress and I gave boyfriend the task of defending it - not to be judgmental, but it was a huge poofy long trained dress for a park wedding. It barely fit in my car. I even helped pick up the Bridesmaids and Groomsmen gifts. I also ended up picking up a lot of the costs. Around 11, myself, boyfriend, a few more wedding party members, and Bride chalked out the ceremony area in a local park, trying to catch the shade. The area had last been visited in the winter - and now the area was trashed and ugly, and a mosquito breeding ground. We cleaned that park like no park had even been cleaned before. That evening, exhausted, we gathered for the rehearsal. We also sort of forgot the flower girls. Oh well, it was a simple JOP ceremony it could not be too bad. I met the Groomsman, Sam, I was paired with - an intelligent gentleman slightly older than myself whose girlfriend I knew and who had friends in common. I also learned later that night that the reason his girlfriend dropped out of the wedding was the same slight in the shower, as well as one-too-many of the Groom's hateful emails (also about the hotel). He decided to come anyway since his parents lived in the area. Of course, we had a Groomsman missing - he was in NYC and no one could contact him. So the rehearsal became more of a "where's David?" exercise than rehearsal - and as I knew David was very level-headed and responsible, I began to worry about him. However, the Groom was ecstatic that the numbers were "even" again.

The rehearsal dinner was tense, to say the least. The Bride's parents were not well off at all, and the father was disabled. They wanted very much to give their daughter a wonderful wedding, so what they lacked in cash they more than made up with in care and love. The Bride used her savings to buy her dress and the services of the JOP and flowers, the Bride's mother and friends cooked and catered the Rehearsal Dinner and Reception. While the Groom's parents were hardly Rockefellers, they certainly thought they were "above" the Bride's family, and were openly hostile. I went up to the Grooms' parents and introduced myself, and congratulated them on the marriage. I got a rude noise. The dinner was silent and painful. The Groom's parents, brother, and brother's 16 year old girlfriend all sat together. The girlfriend was introduced as "so close she's more like my daughter in law," and the "most beautiful girl either son could have," and other digs at the Bride. Then the 13 year old daughter threw a hissy fit and threw such a temper tantrum a Grandmother took her back to their hotel. Finally the Groom's father turned to the Bride and loudly said "how much will it take for you not to marry him? $5000?" I quickly announced that the ladies were leaving for their night out, and dragged the Bride away. Meanwhile, my boyfriend and Sam pulled the guys away from the Groom's father. Fights were not productive. The guys planned a night of kung fu type movies and poker as both Bride and Groom agreed to not see strippers.

As soon as the Bride got into my car she began sobbing. I half thought of suggesting we all just run away, but instead consoled her and told her everything would be fine. We went to a lackluster show and then went to our various rooms. Boyfriend had already checked out and check in for me - and a sympathetic agent gave us the largest 1st floor room - but was perplexed, as somehow they lost the Groom.

The morning of the wedding dawns, and we all troop down to the park to set up folding chairs, assemble glasses, etc. The Bride's parents provided snacks and it was fun work, if tiring. Until the Groom's family showed up, including the chagrined and subdued 13 year old. The Groom was hung over, throwing up, and in a bad mood. Apparently his 17 year old brother took him to a nudie bar the night before. I ignored him, since frankly I thought he should have stood up for his soon-to-be wife the night before. While assembling, I make small talk with the 13 year old sister and ask her if she would like to help. She did for about 20 minutes, then her mother barked at her that she didn't have to help, and she then rejoined her parents. I was also treated to the 16 year old's stories of sexual exploits with 17 year old Groom brother, and how her wedding was going to be "way better." Clearly this young lady will turn up in the pages of EHell again some day.

The first crew (the guys) returns to the hotel to dress, then come greet the guests. Soon after they left, David the missing Groomsman called! He had power and was madly dashing up, his train would be here soon. We decided my boyfriend, not in the wedding party, would pick him up, and David could change into his tux in the car. I speeded to the hotel, threw boyfriend the keys, and told him he had an hour and a half to make a two hour round trip. I then took the world's fastest shower, threw on my dress, and opened my door to a sobbing Bridesmaid. Apparently people were asking questions about her the night before, and she begged me to "help her look straight" for the wedding. Now, this was a wonderful, beautiful young woman, but with short spikey hair who tended to wear very baggy clothes, and never wore heels. I did her hair (pretty diamond-looking pins), her makeup, and her nails, while thinking to myself "I can't believe the Bride and Groom, would they ask me to change the color of my skin?" Nonetheless, I ended up doing multiple hairs and makeups, and sprinting bridal errands. We all trooped over to the park - taking slightly long since the road was being paved. We arrived, breathless, and rather excited that the wedding was finally nearing an end.

Sean, another groomsman, pulled me aside soon after my arrival. "Listen, do you see that guy over there," he pointed to a scruffy looking tattooed gentleman with a scowling woman holding a small child. "Yeah, should I introduce myself?" "No, do you see his tattoos?" "Yes, so?" "You have no clue, do you," he sighed, "they're SS tattoos. Be careful." I glanced around. A few of those not from our school were eyeing me, but I assumed that was simply because I was one of the few people of my race they had ever seen. I was the only non-white person, but such things rarely bothered me. "You're crazy, no one would hurt me at a *wedding*, I'm a friend of the Bride!" "Promise me?" "Sure," I was shocked and a little freaked out that Sean was overreacting. Our conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the Bride and her father.

The Groom's family, including little sister MOH, showed up late. The Bride freaked when little sister was wearing a very pretty royal blue sleeveless tank dress - while the rest of us were wearing tents that weren't even the same shade as the little sister's dress. The mother of the Groom shrugged and explained the other dress was out (meanwhile, I had two with me, since I had yet to return the too-large one sent in case I was unable to purchase a second). Of course, the Bride was upset. Calming her took a bit, but to be fair it was hardly a thirteen year old child's fault, and even a guest wearing a clown's outfit cannot upstage a bride at her wedding.

We lined up, and just before the march Dave jumped out of the still-moving car to much cheering from everyone except the Groom, who was upset at the numbers not being even. A brief pow-wow decided that Dave would escort the flower girls. Wedding begins, including an odd, L-shaped march to the large (and mosquito) front. I paste on a smile and walk towards the "altar" relieved that this was almost over. The Bride comes down the "aisle", though her train was so long it remained around the L's bend. We were a bit disorganized, and dropped the ring (a dive kept it from going into the pond), but in the end they were married. We sauntered back up the aisle and made a receiving line. I kept introducing myself and thanking people for coming, and making small talk.

About halfway through the crowd, the gentleman Sean pointed out approaches, along with the same woman, carrying a baby. I introduce myself to the gentleman, and extend my hand. He reaches over me to Sam, the Groomsman beside me, while his wife spits at me. I paste a smile on my face, drop my hand, and say, "Thank you so much for coming." Sam is speechless. I twist his arm and whisper to him, "Shake and pretend that never happened, and whatever you do don't you dare tell James [my boyfriend]." We get through the line and then spend far too long taking pictures. At the gazebo, the Bride's mother has wisely opened the drinks, and started the food lines. After everyone eats, we finally make our entrance (we have yet to eat, of course), and I am "announced" accompanied by two handsome, debonair groomsmen. I dance with each, then finally eat a bit. I tried my level best to circulate during the party, but I must admit I was so shaken I kept to those I knew. We served cake and sparkling cider, and as it began to rain dashed out to the ceremony area in dresses and heels to strike down the chairs.

Finally, I had enough, and wanted to get back to the hotel. My allergies were killing me, rain notwithstanding, and I was tired and angry. As we were walking out, four friends of the Bride and Groom's stopped us and asked if we were going back to the Super 8. As we were they piled in. Boyfriend took them, and another two trips before he finally was able to rescue me (I was recruited by Momster to wash dishes). We returned to the hotel, and had the desk clerk place a very expensive bottle of champagne and nice glasses and a card and savings bond in the B&G's hotel room, as our wedding present.

After getting out of the shower, boyfriend rather irately asked me if I had invited everyone to the room for the "after party." I had not, but apparently while I was relaxing in the steam, a busybody decided that since our room was the biggest and on the ground floor, that we'd host, and gave boyfriend a list of liquor, and not to worry, there would be chip ins later. We ran into Sam in the lobby - he had heard the new plan, and while boyfriend showered and waited, Sam and I went out to buy the liquor, splitting the cost and just shrugging it off. In for a penny, in for a pound. Of course few chip-ins occurred, and it turned out Bride and Groom were the ones saying the "liquor reception" was in our room.

While Bride and Groom went to dinner by themselves, we all changed and were having a grand old time. I had told boyfriend about the spitting incident (the entire bridal party saw it), and he was none too pleased, but accepted that it was over. We decided not to tell B&G at this time. Then of course, Bride and Groom show up. With presents in tow. And then proceeded to open them like at a child's birthday party. Most of us were appalled, and perhaps rude, and went to the other corner of the room and began playing an old drinking game we enjoyed in college. Groom wasn't too happy no longer being the center of attention, and got louder and drunker, and make several lewd comments. Finally, he left to "perform" and commented on the "booze" we left in his room. Around 3 am boyfriend kicked everyone out, I was already fast asleep.

The following day I was as sick as a dog with exhaustion. We ended up taking the Bride and Groom to breakfast (everyone else dashed away, and they were a bit peeved), and headed home. After almost a year I have had no thank you, my attempts to set the Groom up with job contacts have ended with *my* contacts insulted by the rude Groom, and I was told, second hand, that the Bride and Groom think that the spitting wasn't a big deal, and I was denying the couple (uncle and aunt of the bride) their cultural heritage by being offended. By being spit at.

WeddingsfromHell0629-04

I feel I should contribute this horror story to your great website, may others find amusement in it...

As it is a tradition where I live, 50-year wedding anniversaries, i.e. Golden Weddings, are celebrated quite elaborately, complete with a second ceremony and reception. My long-term boyfriend and I were invited to my grandparents' golden wedding this past January, and it was a truly memorable day of keeping up appearances...

As a little bit of a background, I have to say that my grandfather has had an adulterous relationship with a local woman for at least ten years, and this was very well known all over town (and the parish my grandparents belong to). As a result, only those people that were to attend the reception actually did attend the ceremony (although traditionally, most of the parish would have attended), thus labeling the entire event a mere charade. The priest that held the ceremony added to this by elaborating on this great achievement of a "happy, faithful, loving" marriage that had lasted 50 years now, and more happy years were to come... The tension in the "congregation" just kept rising and rising. I was basically forced to read some intercessions, all against my beliefs, as I had turned my back on Catholicism a few years prior. But I gritted my teeth and put myself on the spot for much mockery by my boyfriend for being such a pushover.

We arrived at the reception, where my cousin, who is a year older than me, arrived half drunk from the night before, apologizing half-heartedly for not "making it to church", before he proceeded to loudly talk about his involvement in a rather radical political party, and how he shared their nationalistic and racist views... Everybody was so embarrassed and indeed very happy when he left promptly after lunch (only to return as dinner was being served).

My grandparents had hired a "band" for entertainment, consisting of two women in traditional costume, both equipped with guitars, who were hopping all over the place and making up little supposedly witty songs about every couple or single guest who was there, often including sexual references or plain insults. My boyfriend and I were subject to two of those "serenades", in which, among other things, they told him not to put his head into the coil of marriage. My face was red with shame. What was even worse, though, was that they soon spotted a single elderly woman (my uncle's mother), and inquired of her where her husband was. She painstakingly responded that he was deceased, and they proceeded to make up another happy little song (it was all supposed to be witty) how her husband was burning in hell and whatnot. The poor lady could barely keep her composure, as her husband had in fact only deceased a couple of weeks prior...

What took the cake, however, was when my grandfather had gotten very drunk, and gave a toast in which he loudly proclaimed that he'd much rather married my grandmother's stepsister (who was also present and going to celebrate HER golden wedding only a few months later), but alas, she didn't want him and so he settled for my grandmother. It was painful, horrifying, and just plain bizarre. The entire party was extremely uncomfortable, and most people quickly excused themselves very soon after dinner. Being immediate family, we felt obligated to stay longer, but thankfully - yes, THANKFULLY - I had been in a car wreck a few days earlier and was suffering much pain due to a whiplash injury, so we had a VERY good excuse to leave this farce... Needless to say, we were very glad to do so.

WeddingsfromHell0708-04

Shortly after my husband proposed, we went to his cousin’s wedding.  Since we were newly engaged, several family members suggested the possibility of getting ideas for our own wedding from this event.  Mostly, we ended up getting ideas on how not to have a wedding.

First of all, the ceremony started late, not incredibly late, but still late.  As the bridesmaids were walking down the aisle, we noticed that the dresses seemed to be selected to highlight the maid of honor’s rather large and hideous tattoo.  I realize these aren’t big infractions, just things to make you raise your eyebrows.  Ceremony ends, and we all wait out the posted time between the ceremony and reception and head over to the reception just as it’s scheduled to start.  We’re sitting at our table, and sitting, and sitting.  Forty-five minutes later, the bride, groom, and the bridal party stroll into the hall.  Apparently they were barhopping because it had always been the bride’s dream to go barhopping in her wedding dress.

Finally, it’s time to eat.  The DJ’s plan to release the tables to go through the buffet line is to play trivia – the first table to get the question correct gets to go next to the line.  Thankfully, my husband’s brother is quick and we’re the first table to go up.  The food is in a separate room, and the temperature is sweltering in that room.  The salads were wilting, the butter was melting, the food was generally just not at it’s peak.  Might not have been so bad had we not waited so long for the bride and groom.  By the time we’re done eating, the DJ is still going with his trivia.  We felt awful for the poor people at the last table to go.  Since the bridal party had long finished their meal, they were socializing among themselves and continuing to drink heavily.

At every place setting there was a card stating that the couple donated money to the American Cancer Society rather than purchasing favors for everyone.  Great, let the money go to a good cause rather than get a knick knack that will end up in the trash anyway.  At one point, the groom, my husband’s cousin, stands up to call our attention to these cards on the table.  He then states that, rather than spend the money on thank you notes, they’ve decided to donate that money as well.  We were not to expect a thank you note for the gifts we gave or the time and effort it took to get to that wedding.  Wow, don’t we feel appreciated.

It’s finally time for the dancing to begin.  Nothing big until it’s time for the bouquet and garter toss.  Personally, I hate the bouquet toss because I always felt like the pitiful single friend and I find it degrading.  Since I hate the event and I was engaged at the time, it was a no-brainer that I wasn’t going to go up to the dance floor.  That is, until the DJ walks over to the table as he’s trying to rally more female participants for the toss.  I’m the first victim he’s attacking.  He’s suggesting, into the microphone so all can hear, that I go up.  I state no.  He continues to try and get me to go up.  It’s to the point where I’ve turned my engagement ring upside down to try and fool him.  He then asks to see the other side of my hand, and there he sees the diamond.  He was verbally attacking me to go up for several minutes before he finally gave up, all the time speaking into the microphone so all eyes are on me.  He finally moved onto his next victim – the groom’s great-aunt who was recently widowed.  After about 15 minutes of the DJ attempting to get females up there, the bouquet toss finally happens.  But now it’s time for the garter toss.  And guess who the DJ’s first victim is?  Of course, it’s my now-husband.  His brother had handed him a ring to try and fool the DJ, but of course that worked as well as my decoy.  The DJ did give up on him much quicker than he gave up on me.

When all of the wedding traditions were over, we couldn’t get out of that reception fast enough.

WeddingsfromHell0723-04