Weddings
From Hell
The Whole Thing from start to
finish is a disaster
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2004 Archive
Let me preface this story with the fact that I don't blame the
girl in question at all for this situation--it was completely beyond her
control. But the situation is so out there I have to tell it.
Kay is my sister's next-door neighbor and good friend; in
addition, they are both Mary Kay vendors and aestheticians (aka makeup artists).
Kay has agreed to do my hair and makeup (she's a licensed hair stylist) for free
for both my engagement pictures and the wedding, and since my sister is a Mary
Kay rep, I got my cosmetics for free as well. We went through two hair trials
before we found a style I liked and I scheduled an appointment to get my hair
done for my engagement pictures. My wedding was in December, so I decided to
schedule my e-pics session for September 14, 2004. Now I live in the Gulf South,
so anyone who's lived here known that this is hurricane season. This particular
season had been very active, and at this time (around the 8th or 9th) the
weathermen projected that Hurricane Ivan was headed to our area and, if it hit
at the Category 5 strength it had built to, it would put my city underwater.
That Tuesday the 13th, I had gone to get my hair done, just in case the storm
moved in another direction and I could still take my picture the next day. After
all, the weather was still calm. But that session was not to be, as I wound up
being the most well-coiffed evacuee in the city. We were spared Ivan's wrath,
and I was able to reschedule my photo session and my hair appointment.
So I figured that this minor hiccup would be it--until it got
closer to my wedding. In addition to all the Wedding Hell with my dress shop,
Kay was having some legal difficulties. Again, this was no fault of her own, but
earlier in the year she had been arrested in another parish for fraud and car
theft--which would have been fine, if she had been the one who committed the
crime. Yes, boys and girls, Kay was the victim of identity theft, and my tall,
slim, light-skinned black hairdresser had been mistaken for a short, fat, sloppy
looking white woman who "happened" to have ID with Kay's name on it.
In any case, she was able to get released and get all of the charges
dropped.
Fast forward to my time in purgatory--Kay tells me that there
is ANOTHER warrant out for her arrest (this is for the parish she lives in, a
different one from the first case) FOR THE SAME CRIME. Since she had all her
documentation from the last case, she was confident that she could manage to get
things straightened out before my wedding. I get a call from my sister less than
a week before the wedding--Kay's troubles have not been resolved because the
investigating officers, despite the evidence presented to the contrary, are
still convinced she is the criminal they are looking for. So Kay has called to
tell my sister that she has left town to regroup, and will not be able to do my
hair or anyone else's (she had also offered to be available to anyone in the
bridal party if they arranged an appointment with her). Naturally, I am freaking
out because I now have to find a hairdresser on extremely short notice, but I'm
more upset that Kay has to continue to deal with this BS--who, by the way, is
beside herself that she's letting me down. Fortunately, my sister's boyfriend du
jour happens to own a barber shop and beauty salon, so with their help I'm able
to squeeze into my flower girl's hair appointment with no problem, and while it
was not the style I had planned on, it did turn out great. Plus my sister was
able to do my makeup herself, since she's also a Mary Kay rep.
Weddingsfromhell0304-05
This does not really count as a Bridezilla story, because
“Helen” is basically a nice person, just extremely disorganized to the point
of pathology.
Helen was the manager, and I was the assistant manager.
She had met the groom over the internet, and they planned a wedding for
September. I was wondering about the marriage ahead of time. The
groom came from another state, so about a month before the wedding, he formally
quit his job, sold his house, and moved in with Helen – all without having a
job here, or even the prospect of one. Now, I would have been concerned if
I were Helen (he hasn’t even started looking for a job, he has to help plan
the wedding!), and I wasn’t the only one who wondered if Helen knew what she
was doing. But, hey! She’s an adult, and she was head over in
heels in love. It is a second marriage for both; surely they must know
what they are doing.
There is a small lingerie shower, to which I send my regrets.
For a solid six months, Helen has been ducking her responsibilities and dumping
everything she could on me. I am sick unto death of hearing about the
wedding, especially since she can’t make up her mind about anything, and it is
the same idiot discussion every dang day about color schemes, dresses, hair
styles, blah blah blah. But I do send a gift and a card to the shower, for
which I do receive a thank you note.
Finally, the happy day arrives. Mid-September,
unexpectedly perfect weather. Not a cloud in the sky, crystal clear blue,
low humidity. I drive to the hotel where the ceremony and reception are to
be held, and arrive about 10 minutes before the scheduled beginning of the
ceremony. The ceremony is to be at 4:30 pm, with the reception to follow
at 5:30 pm. I meet up with some co-workers, and we settle ourselves in the
open air courtyard, and chit-chat to pass the time. And we chat, and start
to wilt, and chat, and get extremely hot. These beautiful crystal blue
skies, and the sun in beating down upon us and I can feel my skin start to flush
with the beginnings of a sunburn. Finally, a few of us damply get to our
feet, and go inside for a few seconds to get a break from the sun. It is
now 5 pm. We ask other guests who are milling around, and no one has seen
Helen, and has no idea what the hold up is. One of Helen’s daughters
walks by, and we grab her only to learn that Helen has not arrived at the hotel
yet, and in fact, no one knows where either bride or groom are.
For the next hour, we alternate between sitting in the
courtyard (in the forlorn hope that SOMETHING will happen soon), and dashing
inside to escape the unrelenting heat. While making conversation with some
of Helen’s and my employees, I learn something disturbing. Helen had
told me that of everyone from our office, I was the only one invited to the
reception, as she could not afford to feed everyone. To my dismay, I find
that Helen has not made it clear to our staff that they were invited to the
ceremony ONLY. Helen is expecting them to leave after the ceremony, and
they are expecting to stay. Okay, I was a moral chicken at this point.
But I don’t think it was my job as a guest to tell other guests that they
cannot stay, when the hostess hasn’t done it. Besides, considering how
variable Helen is, maybe she changed her mind and did invite them for dinner.
(Or am I grasping at straws?)
Finally, at 6, Helen’s stepson-to-be arrives at the hotel.
Bless his heart. This 15 year old gathers up all the guests, apologizes
profusely, and explains that bride and groom are running late, but should arrive
within the next 30 minutes. Guests head for the hotel bar, where the staff
takes pity on us and furnishes us with pitchers of ice water for free. The
wedding videographer approaches us for the third time for us to record our
messages, but the look on our sweaty, red faces stops him in his tracks.
These are not people from whom you want to hear any messages.
At 6:30, a flash races through the lobby. Helen and Ben
have finally arrived. A few people stand up, and then someone points out
that Helen was in jeans and Ben in sweats. Come on, this is Helen.
She takes at least an hour to get dressed. Everyone sits back down, and
grimly drinks more ice water.
7:30 – we are told to assemble in the courtyard. I sit
in the first row (6 months of resentment are starting to boil to a head), and
study the wedding set up with a critical eye. There is only one entrance
into the courtyard and the ceremony is arranged in such a way that right where
you enter is where the ceremony is to be officiated. Also, immediately
beside this area is a table set up for the wedding gifts. Yes, the wedding
ceremony is to be right smack dab up against the gifts. (It showed in all
the pictures except for the extreme close-ups.) Not only is the gift table
right there, whoever decorated it ran out of ruffle, and there is a 2 foot gap
FACING THE GUESTS so that we can see the dirty metal legs. (And, yup, that
showed up in the wedding photos, also).
The wedding party starts to enter the courtyard, and then they
realize the courtyard is set up backwards from the way they expected. So,
they enter the courtyard and race down the aisle to the back of the courtyard to
then do a more traditional processional. The guests uneasily look away as
they lurch to the back of the courtyard (I guess we were trying to pretend that
we didn’t see them). Helen’s sister (who has been sitting around
complaining the entire time, shrugging sarcastically whenever someone asks her
the status) unexpectedly decides that she is the wedding planner, and she runs
up and down the aisle, trying to get people to change their seats (bride’s
side? Groom’s side? Friend? Relative?) She comes up to me and I
give her THE LOOK. For the past 3 hours, we have been told to sit wherever
we want, and I am on my fifth seat. Sister has been useless up to now (and
from what Helen has told me, Sister has been less than kind about Helen’s
wedding plans all along), and SHE is going to tell ME to move? Not for
nothing am I in management in an extremely busy office. Sister gets THE
LOOK, and decides to sit down and let the ceremony begin.
Here come the bridesmaids – and they are all in different
dresses. Well, Helen was trying to save her bridesmaids money. They
had all been in other weddings over the past year, and instead of buying new
dresses, she told them they could just use the dresses they already have.
They are all in black and white, so it isn’t too jarring. What is
jarring is the way Helen’s daughters keep smirking and jeering throughout the
ceremony (they didn’t want her to re-marry). Helen’s 8 year old son
throws himself down on a chair next to me, and I see that he is in extremely
dirt jeans and a torn T shirt. What?? (I find out later that Helen
had rented a tux for him, but never had it fitted. She was running so late
that they never even tried it on him until they got to the hotel, and the tux
was for a 4 year old. He’s wearing the same dirty clothes he’s had on
all day because there was no time to run home and get him something decent.)
Ceremony is over at 8. I am famished, tired, and
slightly sunburned and so fed up with this wedding I can’t see straight.
I commit my own piece of etiquette hell and run for it without staying for the
reception. My only excuse is that my absence at the dinner helped cover at
least one of the persons who were not invited but stayed anyway. By the
way, dinner was not served until 11 pm.
PS – No thank you notes were ever sent. Ben wanted to
“create the perfect thank you card” on his computer, but he never got around
to it. The marriage ended 9 months later, because Helen kicked him out
when he refused to find a job. I no longer work at the same place –
Thank Heaven!
Weddingsfromhell0428-05
My little brother and his fiancée got married on
Easter weekend, which I find a little sacrilegious but their church allows it so
we went with it. There were 7 bridesmaids, including grooms 3
sister and 2 of the brides sisters. Because all of the bridesmaid away
from the hometown, where the wedding took place, everything was crammed into a 4
day weekend.
The personal shower for the bride was thrown by her sisters
and mother it was fairly nice and then us younger girls, bride, bridesmaids, and
two friends, went bar hopping while the moms and grandmas went home.
I was not looking forward to this since I'm a little old for the meat
market bars. First we went to a nice bar in town for a drink since my
cousin is a bartender there. Everyone was having a great time by the MOH,
bride's sister, was very anxious to get to the other bars. Well it was
Holy Thursday and the good bars are in a very Catholic town so it was pretty
dead. We had guys trying to grope us and one threw up on the dance floor.
The bride was having a miserable time, you could tell this whole thing was for
the MOH, who had gotten married the summer before and had a similar party.
The bride told me soon after we got to the meat market bar that she wished she
would have had a bachelorette party like mine where everyone
could have talked. I had mine in a hotel where we could enjoy the hot tub
and just chill. We finally leave the bar to go back to our hometown and on
the way there the bride's other sister, Tara, passes out. So we
pretty much ended the party and all went their separate ways. One
of the "friends" that was at the bachelor party didn't even bother
coming to the wedding, she said she had to work. She works at a restaurant
and had over a month's notice.
Friday the rehearsal went fairly well besides the strict
instruction list we got, but it was the coordinator's first wedding. The
attendant's gifts were a little cheesy, but that's not a big deal.
Saturday we all meet at the hair dressers the bride had
picked, half the girls changed their hair when they got to the church after
paying $40, which is a lot where we are from for an updo. MOH gets
really upset I am giving bride's hairdresser my opinion on her hair. Same
thing happened regarding the brides makeup at the church. I have worked
make-up on various plays and have been trained by professionals. Anyhow,
we all get ready for the before pictures and are just waiting for the groom to
be hidden when MOB comes in to complain to MOH and bride that MOG made her
cry. MOB had not invited MOG to help decorate, or help in any other
way with the wedding. My sister, "Jenny" had made
chocolates, per brides request, for the reception. MOG found out MOB was
not even going to put them out,. which resulted in huge drama at the church.
Regardless not something Bride should be worrying about that day, but it gets
worse....MOB told bride that she looked fat and her dress looked
awful on her. So most of the before pics were never taken because the
bride was crying. Oh and the bride is maybe a size 6 and looked like a
Barbie doll on her wedding day.
Photographer was very unprofessional, but you get what you pay
for I suppose. The pictures look okay but a lot weren't taken that
traditionally are. It also took a long time after the wedding and we ended
up not leaving the church till the time we were suppose to be arriving at the
reception. Jenny knew how badly the bride wanted a limo but had not
gotten one cause of the cost, so Jenny arranged one as a surprise. The
surprise was ruined during the pictures but still appreciated. It
was probably the best hour we had all weekend.
We got to the reception almost 2.5 hours after the wedding
ended and an hour after it was suppose to start. Most guests left as soon
as they'd eaten since their denomination doesn't believe in drinking or dancing.
I went up for seconds and ended following a guy into the kitchen, I was looking
for my rolls and he was looking for more fish. The rolls were cold by the
way when they did appear.
MOB had placed some candles behind the head table, which
looked great but caught the bride's veil on fire. Thank goodness we saw it
before any damage was done to her but the veil and possibly her dress were
ruined. Bride and groom left around 10:30, by 11:00 we were still dancing
but the MOB and friends were tearing down everything. My family left early
and went to a bar to hear my aunt's friend sing.
Sunday we had brunch at the newlywed's house and watched them
open presents. MOB was missing during this and the day before while we
were getting ready. My fiancée and I stayed longer than the rest of my
family and amazingly MOB turned up after my family had left. The bride
told me later that evening to leave as soon as my wedding was over for my
honeymoon to save myself the headache.
Weddingsfromhell0429-05
Several years ago I was asked to be a bridesmaid for my
childhood best friend. Her sister (MOH) also a best friend of mine, and to other
friends were also asked to be in the wedding. All seems well. Enter Juli,
bridesmaid from hell.
Two months before wedding, Bride's friends from her now city
throw shower. All is very nice, MOG is a sweet, well mannered woman. Whole
family is welcoming to us country folks. Juli does not attend.
Two days before wedding, I collect trashy BM from the trailer
park where she lives, no kidding. We pile in my truck and head two states away
to home of bride and groom. First night girls are staying with her. We then have
booked the hotel she included in the invitations, this comes up later.
We do bridesmaid things, nails, luncheon, etc. All seems well.
Time to get ready for rehearsal. MOH gets something on dress, throws fit,
tells husband to pack up, they are leaving. Bride and I calm her down. She had
just given birth and was completely forgiven for letting the stress get to her.
Off we go to the rehearsal. Groom is Catholic, Bride has converted. This isn't a
big deal as the other maids and I have at least some idea of Catholic church
rules. Not trashy BM. She did at least keep quiet.
This is also time to note that trashy BM is a large woman.
Nothing wrong with this, but she had the largest size dress this particular
store had for BMs and elected not to spend the extra money for panel fabric or
have it altered. Whatever, she is covered in a respectable manner. I have
nothing against large women, I am not thin myself, but this comes back into the
story. In addition, having had lovely brown hair for years, Juli and friends in
the trailer park decide two days before wedding to make her a blond. She gloats
in the fact that it took five bottles of dye. It showed. It was terrible.
Trailer park bridesmaid, who was one of my very close friends
many years ago, who despite good parents turned herself into white trash at the
end of high school, has already been married and divorced a couple times, at the
ripe old age of 25. This wedding was very classy. Bride had saved for several
years to pay for it herself. She didn't make this known, but was very proud. She
had a rough upbringing and was able to do quite well for herself. I think BM was
feeling upstaged or jealous or something to explain her behavior. She does
behave during dinner. At least as best she can.
Upon returning to bride's home, we play some cards, have a few
drinks and just relax. Groom is sent away at 5 minutes to midnight. Us girls
talk about old times for a while and start going to bed. I was staying on the
couch in the basement rec room, BM from hell on main floor living room couch,
MOH in guest room and other BM in additional guest room. Bride chats with me
along for a while and heads upstairs. All is well at breakfast.
During the pre wedding dressing, etc. there is some chaos.
Parent sof the bride check into hotel and call the house, there is a problem
with the reservations, and we are told that the rooms "might not be what
you expected". I have to take care of hotel rooms as the front desk has our
reservations all wrong. Everything is settled with the hotel, and they give me a
free upgrade to a Jacuzzi suite for all my trouble in sorting out 14 rooms. My
FH arrives during this period, but I can't really spend any time with him. Bride
spills makeup on dress, frantic calls follow. Luckily photographer knows just
what to do.
Boyfriend of trashy bridesmaid arrives in ghetto pants and
button down shirt, untucked. And sneakers, dirty untied sneakers. He's dressed
and ready to go. Bride is horrified. Bride's brother arrives and forgot shoes.
No problem, mall 10 minutes away, inexpensive shoes available. {As a side note,
trashy bridesmaid is short on cash, I have been just bleeding money all weekend
making sure bride pays for nothing and covering for BM.} Just as brother is
leaving, trashy bridesmaid gets the hint on boyfriend's shoes and tells brother
if he can find a pair of black shoes for $20 or less to get them for boyfriend.
She will pay him back. Brother figures at best he can find black sneakers at
Payless, cause that's about all he can think of under $20!
Girls get in limo and head for church. We get word that
brother indeed found dress shoes for $20 and will meet us there. In limo we have
a toast. MOH, bride and I talk about where our lives are going, exciting opportunities,
change, etc. Trashy BM talks about high school exploits. She apparently feels
the best days of her life are behind her.
Church wedding is wonderful. Pictures are quick and nice. Our
limo driver was the most helpful person during the entire day. Note to brides,
they are worth every penny extra they charge for weddings!! B&G, MOH and BM
leave in one limo, BMs and groomsmen in other. We have drinks and GM asks about
us, where we live, etc. Trashy BM begins monologue that I still can't forget and
don't think I can ever forgive her for. She starts going on about how we are all
inbred hicks, the town we live in is dead end, we are all poor, uneducated
people living in welfare supported apartments and will never be anything more.
People in our town have no teeth, high school drop outs, etc. I just sat with my
mouth open. I tried to get a word in but just gave up. You also need to
appreciate the language and tone she is using, which I can only describe as
ghetto. She keeps using the expression "Da bomb hon-ey". To denote
something very good I guess. The GM clearly aren't impressed. And I just want to
crawl under my seat and die. I happen to be college educated and had just
purchased my SECOND home at age 25, not married, no children. I couldn't believe
it.
We then arrive at the reception site, and in the restroom
bride screams, "Keep her away from me" and runs into stall. Everyone
has the decency to leave while MOH and I get the rest of the awful story. Trashy
BM managed to corner the bride on the eve of her wedding until 3am telling her
how awful the rest of us are. Including the bride's sister. The things she told
the bride about us were untrue and just horrible! We get the bride taken care of
and run out to move place cards at the head table to put trashy BM at the end of
the line of us.
The reception was wonderful and trashy BM is pissed that we
won't let her BF sleep in our room. Luckily they leave with someone else to
drive home that night. Remember the hotel? Well, we arrive and it's a motel,
think motor court. We get in our room, upgraded remember, and it's the no tell
motel!! Our "suite" was a regular room with a bump out in the wall
with a heart shaped Jacuzzi. With mirrors all around it, even on the ceiling.
There is also a row of spot lights at the edge. The mirrors continue over behind
the bed and on the ceiling. It looked like the set of a porn movie! The bed even
squeaked. There was no place to put quarters at least. We decided that relaxing
in the Jacuzzi would be nice anyways. Well, when we turned it on it sounded like
a boat motor! There was this horrible lawn mower engine sound with the bubbles.
I am sure we woke the whole place up! We shut it off and went to bed to get the
earliest possible start in the morning.
When I finally told the bride about our "hotel" she
laughed and cried. Seeing how she never stays in a hotel in her own town, she
just picked one out of the phone book. She had never seen the place!
The kicker? At the end of the reception trashy BM has her BF
take off the shoes, and hands them to the bride's brother saying to take them,
she can't afford them anyways and had no intention of paying him for them!!
Weddingsfromhell0519-05
My boyfriend at the time we will call him "Fred" and
I were invited to his somewhat estranged cousins wedding (they never talk and I
had never met her after 3 years of dating Fred). We will call her
"Edith". Edith was having a very posh destination wedding on an
a popular vacation island in the Northeast. After viewing her wedding web
site and not even receiving an actual invitation I was skeptical at best. Was
this a real invite or was she fishing for money? Or just showing off the
destination wedding? Never mind said Fred, we were going. My sister's boyfriend
is a pilot, so he agreed to fly us out to the island free of charge. Fred
thought this would one-up his family as they were all stuck on the ferry and
the freeway while we would be whisked away by private plane. Riiiight.
When we arrived we had to rent our own car to get from the
airport, no directions were given on how to get to the house they rented so we
had to "wing it". When we arrived, dressed for a wedding, Fred in his
summer suit it was August, and I in my summer dress, the groom was in a bathing
suit, soaking wet and having a beer....T-minus 1 hour till he says I do. I
knew there was going to be a problem.
Don't get me wrong the place was gorgeous the view was
spectacular right on the cliffs and beach. However no sign of the bride or
anyone else in the wedding party, no DJ, no band, no hairdresser, this was a
private home where the hell was everyone?
There were no cocktails or refreshments available to the
guests who were starting to pile up out on the lawn and it was now 20 mins
from the advertised start of the ceremony.
The JP arrived looking quite a bit like Abraham Lincoln in a
ridiculous hat and said we should all go to the beach and prepare for the
ceremony. The reason being is that we had to carry down chairs for everyone
to sit in. Which we did, even though there were not enough chairs and Fred
and I ended up standing along with 20 other people and waiting, and waiting...
for nearly an hour the majority of the guests waited on the beach for the groom
and eventually the bride to come out.
In the sun and wind of a hot August afternoon, I actually
entertained the thought of swimming home. We were all hot, hungry, thirsty and
full of sand. We could only thank god it wasn't raining. Finally the
bride emerged from the house. It was going to take her 10 mins to get from the
yard to the beach based on her dress and her sheer size, it was actually more
like 20 mins. Once she was finally on the beach I have no idea what happened
next because you couldn't hear a word old Abe was saying it was too windy and
the waves were so loud it drowned out everything. I can only assume they
got married. Fifteen minutes later, no receiving line, all of the guests were
waiting up on the lawn near the tent ready to start the reception. No cocktails
or food, for the past 3 hours. It was bad, but it was going to get worse, after
another hour still no wedding party or groom, they were still taking pictures!
The caterers were getting upset, rumor has it they were not paid in
full yet or were shorted and no one knew what was going on. Apparently
due to the money issue or the 3 hour delay, they left the grounds. That's
right folks- the all vegetarian ( no meat anywhere) wedding dinner was
never even served, it was starting to get dark, the bugs were coming out, no
food no cocktails- nada.
Fred and I had enough fun for one day, we left. We
never even said hello to the bride and groom and I still don't know if anyone
ever got to eat dinner. It was truly the largest bust of a destination wedding I
have ever heard of. (And no thank you cards for us coming or our gift.)
Weddingsfromhell0324-05
On 11/13/2004, I attended a wedding that, I neither wanted to
attend, nor did I know any of the people. I went because the bride was a
childhood friend of my wife. Talk about ghetto from the start. I
will break it down, because I am not the greatest story teller.
1. The bride and groom both looked like criminals just
released from prison. Instead of the traditional, bride and groom wear,
they both opted to go for the pimp and ho look. Worked for them I guess,
but she better not bend over
2. The church were they got married is the MOB’s church
and evidently the bride used to attend there until she got pregnant, according
to my wife. The bride got into an argument with the maid of honor because
she was a bit late. She told her that she was trying to ruin her wedding
because her man wasn’t man enough to marry her so she was jealous – I heard
because, we were seated near the back just in case I wanted to make a hasty
escape.
3. After the ceremony which included a horrible and
insulting to Stevie Wonder rendition of "Ribbon in the sky", a piano
player who seemed like he was just learning, and hideous decorations. The
church held about 500 people and there were maybe 100 tops and people sat
scattered. When it was over they played an oldie joint from the 70’s and
the groom and bride danced out. That was the gist of the recessional.
4. At the reception groomsmen all looked like they were
gang members, one had dreads, another had braids and 2 others look like they
didn’t bother to comb their hair.. They were all dressed like pimps, but
not as flashy as the groom, maybe like pimp assistants. One of them kept
looking at my wife and even went as far as to ask her to dance. I
protested and he got all thuggish. I informed him that I was a cop (a
little lie, I am an ASPCA officer and showed him my gun in shoulder holster) and
that he didn’t want my kind of trouble (a little dramatic, but it worked).
Of course he still kept looking at my wife. But decided to harass other
women. Which led to a fight at the reception between him and a brother of
the best man, who said, and I quote, “I was dealing with shorty first.”
5. The bride then began to toast her mother, but
dissed her father and said he shouldn’t even be here. The groom backed
her up and the bride's father got up and left with his “new wife”.
Someone evidently stole the cases of liquor stored at the facility (a community
center in the middle of the projects) so they ran to the local store and brought
back “40’s” Yes they served, Crooked I Malt Liquor.
6. At the reception, one of the bridesmaids got so
drunk she performed a full striptease act and was completely naked by the end of
the song. No one tried to stop her and the bride just cursed her out
afterward. Probably jealous she didn’t do it first. Two other
groomsmen started fighting with some guys who crashed the community center where
it was held, someone started yelling something about, “put ya block up” and
that was it for me. I grabbed my wife, some other young woman who latched
onto my wife during the reception and the wife of the minister who performed the
wedding (all seated with me) and we left. I gave them rides home and it
turns out that the young woman was the former girlfriend of the groom, whom she
has a baby with. She only came because she was a born again Christian and
wanted to tell him she forgave him and that she was moving on.
Even though I didn’t know anybody, and all the fights broke
out and I almost had to shoot a guy (not really, I like my job and freedom too
much). The only thing that made it livable was this couple who were the
aunt and uncle of the bride. They basically were giving me play by play
about who was who and what was what and such. They couldn’t stand the
bride and groom either and said that he was a worthless sponge loser who has
several children with several girls. They didn’t care because the bride
was a “skank anyway and probably deserved him”. These two where funny
people and they made it interesting enough to be one of those stories I tell at
parties and such.
No more ghetto weddings for me, I am sticking to weddings in
churches with reception at real reception halls with people with class.
As I write this, my wife called to tell me that the groom and
the best man (groom's cousin) from that crazy wedding I keep telling people
about, just got arrested for armed robbery. Evidently the bride called
because she needs to get bail money together.
Weddingsfromhell0131-05
My cousin's wedding was the worst wedding I've ever been to.
It was held at a park. The groom showed up in blue jeans and a cowboy hat. The
bridesmaids wore plain white flip-flops, and their (white!) bras showed out the
back of their (dark blue!) strapless dresses. The reception was at the
park, just a few yards away from where they got married. They held up this
reception for an hour while they got pictures taken. The rest of us just sat
around in the HOT HOT sun in our fancy clothes while they primped and posed.
After much haggling, my mother was able to get a glass of water from the
"caterer" for my elderly uncle, who has multiple health problems.
Finally the couple was done with the photographer and they opened the reception
table. Whoop-te-do, gotta love those wilted grapes, soggy crackers, and
rolled-up lunchmeat. The bride's cake was made with (WHAT were they THINKING???)
fresh fruit inside the cake, mixed in with the batter. The person cutting the
cake licked their fingers in between slices. Oh, and she
used her hands to put the slices on little plates. Ewww. The groom's
"cake" was actually one of those big pizza-sized cookies that you see
in the mall. (Only they got his from Wal-Mart. I saw the box.) The cookie was
cut into stamp-sized slices (I'm serious, they were that small) and each one was
placed meticulously on a plate. We were instructed to "only take one".
Then, at the reception, the mother-of-the-groom passed out invitations to her
daughter's high school graduation.
Final outrage? We never got a thank-you (not even a verbal
one!) for the $100 we spent on their very nice wedding gift. But the bride
still invites us to her Tupperware parties.
Weddingsfromhell0118-05
My sister "Nellie" got married Labor Day weekend
2003. We were never very close, and she hadn't spoke to me for almost
seven years. She was marrying "Dick," and there was a lot of
resistance to them getting married from the beginning. First off, Nellie
and Dick had dated for about a year in high school, and then Nellie went off to
college. On one of his frequent visits to her far away college, Dick
caught her in bed with another man. Instead of apologizing, or doing
anything decent, Nellie dumped him on the spot.
Fast forward three years, when Nellie comes back home to our
small town and bumps into Dick again. Turns out he's still in love with
her, they go out again and six months later he proposes. (If I were Dick,
I never would have spoken to her again.) Dick is not liked at all by my family,
particularly my father, who told him never to come to the house one night after
he came to dinner wearing a pistol on his belt. (Dick loves guns and
carries one with him at all times.)
Wedding plans begin, and my mother becomes the chief meddler.
Dad is refusing to have anything to do with it, saying he won't go, and I feel
the same way. I tell my mother pre-emptively, since Nellie is still the
ice princess, that there is no way I want to be considered for the bridal party.
A few weeks later, I get an instant message on my computer from Dick, who asks
me to do a reading at my wedding. Not a phone call, not in person, by
instant message, how lame. I type back "sure, whatever," hoping
it will never come to pass. Time passes, and sure enough, no one sends me
what I'm supposed to read, or mentions it.
My aunt throws Nellie a bridal shower without a theme so the
gifts were all over the place. I decide to be nice, since, well, it is my
sister, and get her an emerald pendant (her birthstone). She opened it,
passed it around, and left it at my aunt's house. Nice. I didn't get
any sort of thank you for it, not even there in person. That made me
pretty mad.
Two weeks before, I decided I didn't want to have anything to
do with this wedding, and called my mother to say I wouldn't be doing the
reading, since it hadn't been sent to me. She began to go ballistic,
saying Nellie had been so kind to me to ask me to be a part of her special day
and here I was ruining it. Thoughts of a wasted $200 on a nice piece of
jewelry danced in my head as I hung up on my mother. A few hours later, I
get an email from Nellie with the reading in it, with Mom's original email below
the text, describing how nervous I was about ruining her special day by not
having the reading perfectly practiced, and could she send it to me? I was very
angry about my mother twisting the situation like this.
When I got home, I found Dick on instant messenger and figured
that since I was asked that way, it was a perfect medium to use to back out.
I had barely typed hello when he explained that he was the one who had asked me
to do the reading and Nellie didn't want it at all, and had to be talked into
letting me do it. So my mother's rant was all a lie about Nellie wanting
to be a good sister, etc. I was very pissed, but decided to go through
with it.
At the rehearsal dinner (held at the seediest dive of a
steakhouse I've ever seen), it comes to light that there is no photographer
hired, and Nellie just wants everyone to take snapshots. It's about then
that my mother tells my boyfriend (who has taken several photography classes and
does lovely photo work) he should offer to take their photos for them! My
boyfriend, who I have dated for six years, decides to be nice and agrees, but
finds out he has to pay for all the film. I wore a bright red
linen sundress to the wedding, since no one told me what I should be wearing.
My boyfriend and I arrived before the ceremony, held at Dick's parents' house,
right next to a swamp. Our hellos to Nellie were met with stony silence.
We brought a gift (a set of vases from their registry) and put them by the gift
table. I was given a program, told to sit somewhere near the front and
they would call me when I was supposed to read.
The wedding itself was the silliest and tackiest I've ever
been to, and I've been to a few. The two maids of honor wore shapeless
green satin dresses that made them look terrible. One was a very large
woman, and the dress made her look like the Michelin Man. The other was
very pale and the dark green of the dress made her look like the walking dead.
Nellie is short, and they both made her look tinier. My dad did agree
(after much hen pecking from my mother) to walk Nellie down the
not-well-mown-lawn aisle; he scowled the whole time. We sat in the
front yard in plastic folding chairs (some of them cracked) that
wouldn't rest evenly on the bumpy grass. The couple looked bizarre,
because in addition to Nellie being only five feet tall, Dick is six foot five,
and it looked like Nellie was going to break her neck looking up at him. I
did my reading, and pictures reveal that Nellie was making a face the whole time
I was speaking. It was a very short justice of the peace ceremony,
thankfully.
The reception was held in a tent in the backyard, with
mosquitoes from the neighboring swamp. The dinner consisted of make your
own sandwiches complete with potato chips from big bags like you buy at Costco
(you can also imagine the insects on the deli meat). Drinks were sodas
from cans, or from the cash bar, from which the bartender disappeared after an
hour. A port-a-potty featured prominently in many pictures, as it was
placed behind the head folding table with its white plastic tablecloth.
The bride made no effort to get up and greet any of her guests, she looked
statue-like throughout the whole thing. The "first dance"
consisted of Dick dragging Nellie around a few squares of linoleum to a Phil
Collins song that lasted seemingly forever. It was awful.
My boyfriend and I stayed for about an hour, and realized that
no one was mingling or dancing, and the bride wasn't going to get up and visit
any guests. Since my mother was happily located far away from us, we
decided to leave. I'm so glad we did. The pictures we saw later on
from other people included my mother drunk out of her mind standing next to one
of Dick's brothers, whose shirt was open and my mother is pawing at his nipple
ring. She also apparently did several shots with the groom (the pictures
don't lie). (Also note: after paying for film and developing and giving
them to the bride and groom, no one has ever seen the pictures that my boyfriend
took except me and him, which were quite nice, considering what the subject
was.)
A long while after, we received a pre-printed thank you note
reading "Thanks for attending our special day and for your lovely
gift." It matched their invitation, which means they were ordered at
the same time, meaning that she had never intended to write thank you notes in
the first place. That really pissed me off, particularly, since both of us
were raised to always write thank yous for gifts. It was a cheap affair,
and while I know they didn't have a lot of money to spend, they probably could
have just saved themselves a lot of embarrassment and had a quiet civil service.
I know I won't have a lot of money to spend on my wedding, but I promise you,
there will be no port-a-potties in the pictures when I get married. I will
also say hello to all my guests and write thank you notes. I consider her
wedding a lesson in what not to do.
Weddingsfromhell0213-05
I thought my wedding was wonderful, but it certainly had some
Hellish aspects to it. To begin with, my parents have been divorced for nearly
20 years, but they still can't get along. My stepmother, we'll call her Carnie,
really hates my Mom. Needless to say, I have always been worried about their
behavior towards each other on my special day. Things started going wrong in the
planning phase. My Grandfather passed away right as we had chosen a date, so I
didn't think it appropriate to announce the forthcoming nuptials at his memorial
dinner. However I had told my immediate family, and started looking for a
site.
Not a week later my cousin who lives out of state announced
that she was getting married ON THE SAME DAY! I am Wiccan, so I had chosen
this day with certain correspondences, and I was really set on it. My Dad
basically told me "too bad" and said I would need to get a new day. I
was upset, and contacted my Aunt, but my cousin already had a deposit on her
reception site. Okay, I choose another day. A month later
my Dad and Aunt argue over my Grandfather's will, and they stop speaking to each
other.
My hubby and I start talking budget, and my Dad and Carnie
tell us they will pay for the traditional stuff, reception, wedding, dress,
flowers, etc. Hubbie's family is not forthcoming and his mom is really poor, so
we weren't expecting much. Well, Dad and Carnie keep "adjusting" their
portion of the budget, and finally demand an itemized list of everything that
needs to be paid for because they were "tired of being nickled and dimed to
death" (they seriously said that). At that point, they hadn't paid
for one thing. My Mom and Grandparents (on mom's side) ended up paying for the
dress, ceremony site, flowers, centerpieces, and all the other odds and ends
that were needed. Hubby's mom paid for the cake, we paid for the photographer,
and finally, TWO WEEKS before the wedding Dad paid for the reception hall.
Thankfully the owners of the banquet room are old family friends, or we would
have lost the place. He also managed to get a discount.
Then there were my bridesmaids. My MoH (call her Rose) had
been studying abroad for a year, and she was still abroad during most of the
planning. I didn't really need much help, because my Mom and sisters helped with
the majority of the planning. I had told my other two BM's, (call them Hope and
Bessie), that Rose was the MoH, but since she lived 3 hours away, she might not
want the responsibility when she got home from Europe. They said that they would
plan the Bridal shower, and when Rose came back they would contact her. They
also promised to let my little sisters help (they're all under age 13). I was
very nice about the dresses, I let Hope and Bessie have a say in what they would
be buying, because it's my dread to be a Bridezilla, and we all agreed on a very
nice dress, (even though they complained about the price, which was not bad
since we bought them at a discount store). They wanted the shower to be a
secret, but Carnie was complaining that they hadn't called her or my sisters.
My mom confirmed this, so I kept asking if the planning was going all right. I
knew they had no money, but they said all was fine. My Grandma offered to pay
for the shower, but they turned her down.
It's now a month before the wedding. Hope admits that they
have nothing planned for the shower. I finally tell them that my mom and sisters
will plan it, if they truly have nothing done. At the shower (2 weeks before the
wedding), Hope and Bessie show up late, and Hope had not showered. She had just
come from working her horses, and she was wearing a wraparound skirt with her
belly hanging out, a short shirt, no makeup, hair hadn't been brushed, and her
eyebrows hadn't been plucked in a month. They sulked the entire time, and left
early without offering to help clean up. (Rose however was perfectly groomed and
a very nice hostess). Rose later told me that they wanted to throw me an '80's
themed shower at a rollerskating rink. Yep. I can totally see Grandma rocking
out to Billy Idol on rollerskates. Great idea.
Later I send out an email, mentioning Rose as MoH (a fact
known by all for months now). That night I get a very upset call from Hope. She
is so angry and hurt to find out that Rose it the MoH after she and Bessie had
been thinking that they were Co-MoH's and they went through all this trouble to
plan my Shower and then Rose was acting like she ran the thing, and she knew she
shouldn't burden me with her feelings, but it was so unfair, blah blah blah. I
told her she had no reason to be so upset since I had told her and Bess MONTHS
before that Rose was MoH. She had also admitted and confirmed that she and
Bess had not planned ANYTHING for the shower, which is why my mom took over.
They hardly talked to me until the rehearsal. Rose was late (she got caught in
traffic) and Bessie didn't come due to a school commitment. Hope was sulking in
the corner the entire time and wouldn't talk to anyone at dinner, except me.
When Rose showed up she left.
At the rehearsal dinner my future MIL
started to complain about a pain she was having. She ended up going to the
hospital with a ruptured spleen, and missed the wedding the next day. Hubby was
very upset (as was I) that his mom wasn't there. My great-aunt, who had flown
out from NJ (we're on the west coast), also had to miss. She got seriously ill
and rushed back home. My makeup artist flaked out with no notice (she has
never talked to me since) and Bessie did our makeup. Bessie and Hope decided
they couldn't buy new shoes or do anything with their hair, so they just wore it
straight down. Besides all that, the actual wedding was fine. We wrote our own
ceremony, and everyone raved about it afterward. We went to the hospital to
visit MIL afterwards, and she was so happy to see us in our wedding togs.
Now Hope is getting married in June. They ordered my BM dress
one size too big (then tried to tell me I was between this size and the next
size up, which is impossible unless I mysteriously lost 30 pounds since I was
measured and didn't notice) and she sent out a LIST of days the bridal party is
expected to be available to help her for things like addressing invitations, and
making centerpieces. All the things she never helped me with. I missed the first
day, because of work, and she had the nerve to say "It sounds like you made
plans that day. You know, I sent that list out a long time ago, and it just
makes me feel unimportant when you can't make the effort to be available."
Oh, okay then. Just pay me for all the work you expect me to miss to help you,
and then we'll see. But I guess that is another story ....
Weddingsfromhell0322-05
In 1999 my brother and only sibling, got married. Due to prior
commitments I was unable to attend (before I get blasted for this, I'll explain
why) and this tale has been relayed to me by several of my brothers' friends. I
apologize for the length, but I hope you find this entertaining.
A bit of background. My brother met his now-wife back in 1994
and she was five months' pregnant (not his). Our parents were very strict and
disapproved of the union for two reasons: The child wasn't his, and she was very
vocal in demanding my brother give her money to support her and the baby. My
brother was never outgoing, especially with women, and basically continued on
with this relationship because he felt he couldn't get another woman (she was
his first and only relationship).
Fast forward to 1998. Our father fell ill from cancer and was
living his final days in the hospital. My brother, who never forgave our parents
for not giving him their blessing, brought his fiancée to the hospital room and
rubbed my dad's face in the fact that they were going to get married regardless
of how dad felt. Dad died two days later, with our mother following suit after
six weeks.
The wedding was planned for March 1999. In late February 1999
a relative passed away, and my brother had the audacity to pass around wedding
invitations at the funeral during refreshments (at least he waited 'til then to
do so.) He hadn't told any of us the exact date of the wedding beforehand, so
all of the family members were notified at the same time. Looking at the
invitation, it gave us about a week and a half notice to attend. I had prior
business commitments that would take me and my fiancé out of town and neither
of us could attend. Had we been given more notice, we would have been able to
rearrange our plans. The other thing that baffled me was what was printed on the
invitations:
"You're invited to our wedding which is to be held on
[date] at [location] at [time]. We request that gifts be presented in the form
of funds. Monies raised will finance our honeymoon in Hawaii. There will be a
coin catcher located at the front door."
I knew my brother and future SIL were hard up for finances
(not to mention tact), so I brushed it off. I politely informed my brother that
my fiancé and I were unable to attend. He seemed okay with that and understood.
Here's where the fun begins. And please note that this is
second-hand information from my brother's former best man and the DJ (a
long-time friend of my brother's and now a very good girlfriend of mine).
First, my brother's best man (his best friend from high
school) was bumped in favor of a guy my brother worked with. Turns out that he
and my brother barely knew each other, but the guy was head waiter at a
restaurant and offered my brother a discount for the reception. Not only that,
but my brother's former best man wasn't even invited to the stag. No matter; he
still had an invitation to the wedding and wasn't going to throw away 20 years
of friendship over it.
The wedding day arrives. The Justice of the Peace stands at
the altar with my brother and his attendants. 45 minutes go by and the bride
still hasn't made an appearance. People are starting to get a little antsy, and
finally one of the (female) guests disappears to find out what was happening.
Turns out the bridal party couldn't find the father of the bride. Father of the
bride is next door at the hotel bar getting drunk. Several male guests drag FOB
from the bar and the ceremony commences, with FOB staggering down the aisle with
his obviously embarrassed daughter while her 5-year-old son is running around
screaming like a banshee.
The ceremony continues, and when the JP starts the "If
anyone should oppose these two individuals getting married, speak now or forever
hold your peace" speech, the room thickens with apparent uneasiness. The
bride shot the congregation a hateful look. The JP is trying to continue but the
bride's son is running around and yelling at the top of his lungs, knocked over
the videographer's tripod and kicked the JP in the shin. When the time finally
came for my brother to say "I do," she replied with a very curt,
"You'd better."
Immediately following the ceremony the JP had to leave to
perform another wedding. Problem -- the best man lost the cheque for the JP and
my brother had no cash on him. Remember how the wedding invitations demanded
money? My brother ended up ripping open several gift envelopes in front of the
guests to pay the JP.
The guests made their way to the restaurant while my brother
and his bride went to have their photos done. The happy (?) couple finally
arrived and the reception commenced. Guests were a little put-off that my
brother had chosen a family-style buffet place for their reception -- the kind
of buffet that serves mushy vegetables and instant mashed potatoes -- and were
muttering amongst themselves about the quality of food.
Side note: In my brother's defense, I know he and his wife put
this wedding together on a shoestring budget, and I find guests who complain
about the food at a reception are quite tacky themselves.
One downside to having the reception held at this particular
restaurant: Apparently they were given a two-hour limit. After two hours, the
area that was roped off for the wedding guests was open to regular customers of
the restaurant, so there were complete strangers mixed in with the reception! No
amount of pleading with the management could get the section roped off again
(the restaurant was packed) and my brother was forced to suck it up and deal
with it. My brother was okay with it, but his MIL was absolutely livid and
started screeching at the manager of the restaurant. Turns out that they had
given my brother a hefty discount (equivalent to $5 a head whereas regular price
is $11.95 a head) and they were warned about the two-hour limit. MIL calmed down
and went back to her seat.
The MIL offered to pay for the reception dinner as her wedding
gift to the couple, which came to about $300 not including gratuity. She gave
the waiter her Visa card. From what my brother's friends recall, the waiter came
back with her card and proceeded to cut the card in half right in front of her.
Apparently she had exceeded her limit and had not made a payment in a very long
time.
All hell broke loose.
MIL starts yelling and screaming, telling the waiters they
were stupid and how dare they decline her card, yadda yadda yadda. She shut up
after they threatened to call the cops and after my brother said he'd pay for
the dinner. Only his way of paying for the dinner was to go through the wedding
gifts again and find any cash donations. They came up with just enough for the
bill, but nothing for the tip. So what did they do next? They started passing a
hat around the guests' tables to solicit donations for the gratuity. This is
when my brother's friends made a hasty departure for the parking lot, where they
enjoyed a good laugh.
After the reception my brother and his wife were going to take
off on their honeymoon. Hawaii was out of the question (they nixed the idea
before the invitations got sent out -- I think it was a ploy to try to get
people to make bigger monetary donations) but they had planned a road trip to
Oregon for several days. The only problem is they didn't own a car and they
didn't have a credit card to rent a car. Basically they booked the hotel but
they had no way to get there. After begging several of his friends to loan him
their credit cards, a former co-worker of his loaned him his Visa to get the
rental car. Big mistake -- it's six years later and the guy hasn't been paid
back.
My brother and his wife are still together, believe it or not.
They're not happy, but they're together. It'll be interesting to see how things
turn out.
Weddingsfromhell0627-05
I don't even know where to begin on this one. The
wedding of a friend of mine was the worst wedding I had
ever attended. My brother was a groomsman, and since he was to ride in the
limo, I agreed to be his ride home so that he could have some
drinks.
Anyways, I'll start at the church. The ceremony itself
went okay, except that someone perhaps should have told
the bride that a ball gown was probably not the best style of dress for
someone of her short stature and excessive weight. She looked a bit
like a wedding cake, but that wasn't an etiquette faux
pas, merely a fashion one. We hung out for a bit, threw
rice, and headed over to the reception hall.
We are now waiting around for the
B&G to show up because they are taking pictures. There were a few
plates of appetizers which disappeared quickly and were not
refilled. We couldn't start eating even though the
buffet was set up because the wedding party wasn't there yet. We couldn't
dance because the buffet was set up on the dance floor. We couldn't talk
because the DJ was loud and obnoxious. All we could
do was sit and drink on an empty stomach from the cash
bar. (I'll mention here that not only were we expected to pay for our alcohol,
but they were charging for SODA too.)
An hour and a half later, the wedding party shows up.....drunk.
They had taken their stretch limo to the supermarket to buy beer and drink it
before coming to their own reception.
Finally, we get to eat, and they start the dancing. The bride and groom
have picked "Stairway to Heaven"...the live
version, for their song. This is an 11 1/2 minute song.
Now, it's cute to watch the B&G dance for a couple of
minutes, but eleven and a half?? Then they did the
father/daughter and mother/son dances, then they did a bridal party dance.
And then, did the dancing for everyone start? Of
course not. They did a dollar dance, where the BM
with a bullhorn (yes, a bullhorn) was trying to coax people into coming up and
paying for the privilege of dancing for 30 seconds with
either the B or G. Ugh.
Fast forward to the bouquet toss. C, The woman who
caught the bouquet has hated me and my brother since high
school (long story). The DJ announces that whoever catches the garter
will get the privilege of putting it on the lucky woman who
caught the bouquet. The Bride sits down to let
my friend take her garter off, and he produces a HEAD LAMP (the type of
flashlight that attaches to your head used for caving work) and
proceeds to PUT HIS HEAD UP HER SKIRT WITH THE LAMP ON to
go fishing for the garter. Having procured the garter, the
group of men ensures that my brother is the one who catches the
garter. The DJ announces that for every inch
up the thigh my brother places the garter means five years of happiness for
the couple. C does NOT look happy, but sits down anyways. My brother (I'd
like to think I was adopted) takes the head lamp from the
Groom and then proceeds up C's skirt. All the way up
C's skirt. C of course throws a fit (I don't blame her) and shoves
my brother away. All the guys are congratulating my
brother.
Fast forward to a little later. My brother has been
buying shots of crown royale for himself and the bride's
step-father and he is roaringly drunk. (I found out later that
he had sex with one of the bridesmaids in the women's
restroom!!!!) He stumbles up to me and says that he
ran out of money and could I go pay his bar tab? I am livid and I
storm up the bartender (who really should not have kept
serving him) and I tell her that I will pay the tab, but
under no circumstances is he to have any more alcohol.
I decide that it is time to take my
brother home. I tell him that it's time to go home, and after I get
three more people to tell him that, he finally agrees.
But, now he can't find his wallet and refuses to leave
without it. (Later we find out that the bridesmaid from the bathroom
incident stole it because she thought it would be funny).
Now he starts yelling at the top of his lungs that somebody had better give him
his f--ing wallet back etc etc. He then lays down in
the middle of the reception hall and refuses to move.
Time to enlist help. I, several of the groom's friends,
and the father of the bride (whom my brother tried to HIT)
manage to at least get him outside. He is being held outside
by these men while I go to get my car, and then I come back to him puking in the
parking lot. Classy.
The B &G have come outside now since they are leaving to
go on their honeymoon, and my brother starts to yell at
the groom about how he spent $400 on the tux and gifts and
bachelor party and how he deserved to be Best Man and how much he hates the
bride (I don't like her much either, but I kept it to
myself). So we finally stuff him into my car
and I drive away quickly so he doesn't try to get out and go back in looking for
his wallet. I manage to cancel his credit
cards and dump him on his couch in his apartment before
driving back to the reception hall to apologize profusely to the father of the
bride about my brother's behavior. The B&G
of course still do not speak to my brother.
Weddingsfromhell0511-05
Several years ago, I attended a wedding of a young woman who
worked for me at a small company. It turned out to be a giant family wedding in
a very rural part of the state, and the only other people I knew at the wedding
other than the bride were my husband and our boss (my husband, myself and my
boss were the main hierarchy of this company), who is also a good friend of
ours. The wedding itself was fine, but the reception was hell.
The invitations had read that the wedding was at 12:30 and a
late lunch would be served at 2:30 in the reception hall, which was a few miles
away. After the wedding, we arrived at the reception hall close to 1:30. There
was nowhere to sit other than at the large tables, and not really much room to
stand either because the tables took up nearly all the space (we found out later
they were planning to move the tables for dancing later). The entire selection
of appetizers for about 250 people consisted of a couple large crockpots of
cocktail weenies and a vegetable tray, as well as a very large and plentiful
bowl of extremely alcoholic punch. There was no bar of any kind, paid or unpaid,
so no options for non-alcoholic drinks. The three of us had not eaten a proper
lunch, having anticipated the 2:30 lunch, so we didn't partake of any of the
meager appetizers.
We commandeered the end of a table and spent the next couple
hours watching the other guests. The punch bowl was apparently unmonitored, so
we noticed immediately that several older children and adolescents appeared to
be quite drunk. While they weren't actually drinking the punch, they were eating
the fruit out of it, which had become sodden with alcohol.
The group of people sitting next to us spent an entire two
hours talking about (I am NOT making this up) exactly three topics: Jell-O molds
and the best way to make concrete supports to get their trailers off the ground,
and methods for hoisting the trailers onto those supports. The tiny number of
appetizers were long gone, but there seemed to be an almost infinite supply of
punch and drunken fruit. My boss, fortunately, found a water fountain and we
were able to get something nonalcoholic to drink.
The B, G, BM, MOH, and their six sets of ushers and
bridesmaids didn't even show up until about 5:00, more than two and a half hours
past the advertised start time for lunch. The parents of the bride apparently
insisted that the caterers not serve dinner until the wedding party had shown
up. All of them were pretty well snockered, having spent the time between
after-wedding photographs and their extremely late arrival being driven around
the county in a "party RV", while their guests waited for them to
arrive at their own reception. Things were further delayed by the necessity for
each member of the wedding party to be individually announced (except the happy
and by now extremely tipsy couple, who were announced together) so it was well
after 5 before the caterers were allowed to start serving the belated meal.
It's the first time I've been to one of these things where the
dinner was both overcooked and cold. The caterers had done their best to keep
things going for the 2.5 hours later than they'd intended to serve the meal, but
there's only so much they could do with cooked food. None of us did much more
than nibble at the corners of the food, even though by now we were all starving.
We decided to make a polite attempt at eating dinner and then
making early excuses to leave. On the way out, we were confronted by someone (a
friend? a relative? No idea what their relationship was) wielding a "money
tree" -- a sort of elementary-school creation made with dowel rods and
paper clips, asking each of us to make a donation to help offset the costs of
the reception! I murmured something about not having any cash with me. We met in
a neighboring town for a much better meal.
Weddingsfromhell0426-05
This one is either an oops or a faux pas. I wouldn't go so far
as to say she was a bridezilla because nothing was done for the sake of
meanness, just some poor judgment:
In 2000 I attended the wedding of a co-worker
("Maria") who was marrying her long-term boyfriend and the father of
her three children. They had a somewhat rocky relationship in the past but she
stated that the groom had changed his ways and at the time things were good
between the two of them so we were happy for her. She did not send an individual
invitation to each person but passed a sheet with the wedding information around
the office and had people initial whether or not they wanted to attend. A lot of
people in the office thought that was tacky but I knew Maria and her beau didn't
have a lot of money and the wedding itself had only been planned about a week or
two before. Plus it wasn't meant to be a slight to us, she didn't send out
invitations to anyone. Her family and the groom's family were invited by word of
mouth.
Her wedding happened to be on the same date as another
co-worker's 60th birthday dinner which was being held by her husband at a local
restaurant. I, along with a few other co-workers, had been invited to the dinner
several weeks before knowing about the wedding. Maria's ceremony was to start at
2:00 pm with a reception to follow. The birthday dinner would not be until 5:00
pm. Another co-worker ("Jane") who was also invited to the birthday
dinner and I figured we would have plenty of time to go to both the wedding
ceremony, spend some time with the other co-workers and Maria at her reception
and then go to the birthday dinner. We RSVP'd that we would attend the ceremony
but would have to leave the reception early due to a prior commitment.
Maria's wedding ceremony was being held at a small church and
the reception was going to be held downstairs in the church basement right after
the ceremony. Jane and I were not very familiar with the area where the church
was located so we left early. We did get lost a few times and were beginning to
panic that we would be late for the ceremony. She and I are both sticklers about
being on time, especially for something as important as a wedding. We finally
saw the church and noticed the groom outside with his attendants having a smoke.
We were greatly relieved because it was already 1:45 pm. Upon entering the
church we noticed that the only other guests in the pews were a few co-workers
from our office, the bride and groom's children, and four or five family
members. I felt bad for Maria because I was thinking that not many people were
attending her wedding and that made me very glad that we had decided to attend
the ceremony at least.
Well 2:00 came and went. It is 2:15 and we were all wondering
where was the rest of the wedding party since the groom and his attendants were
there as was their daughter (the flower girl) and two sons (ring bearers). 2:30
comes and one of the male relatives made the rounds stating that the ceremony
would be delayed for an hour because they forgot the music and someone had to go
get it. An hour?! And we had been worried that WE would be late. Sure enough,
exactly one hour later the ceremony started with a taped copy of "Here
Comes the Bride." The really humorous part of this was that by the time the
ceremony began, the bride's and groom's entire families were present and the
church was packed. Later we found out that it is traditional in her culture to
"make the groom wait at the altar" so the forgotten music had been a
ploy to make him wait. Everyone in their families knew about this tradition and
showed up late to the wedding (which in reality made them right on time).
Evidently she made a comment to someone else in our office about making him wait
at the altar. That person thought she was joking. Too bad she didn't take her
seriously and pass the information around to the rest of us. Although even if
she did pass along that information I don't think any of us would have known
just how long he (and we) were going to be waiting.
The bride really was a sweet person and probably didn't
realize that the groom would not be the only one "waiting at the
altar" for an hour and a half. I really don't think she thought she was
being rude by being that late but I do wish she would have explained her
tradition a little better. By now it is 4:00 and just about time to head over to
the birthday dinner so Jane and I just chuckled, gave our presents, wished her
and the groom well, and departed for the birthday dinner. A sad postscript was
that Maria filed for divorce only three years later.
Weddingsfromhell0114-05
Page Last Updated May 15, 2007
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