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PRELIMINARY ETIQUETTE OF A WEDDING.
Whether the term of courtship may have been long or short--according
to the requirements of the case--the time will at last arrive for
_Fixing the Day_.
While it is the gentleman's province to press for the earliest
possible opportunity, it is the lady's privilege to name the happy
day; not but that the bridegroom-elect must, after all, issue the
fiat, for he has much to consider and prepare for beforehand: for
instance, to settle where it will be most convenient to spend the
honeymoon--a point which must depend on the season of the year, on
his own vocation, and other circumstances. At this advanced state of
affairs, we must not overlook the important question of
_Legal Settlements_.
These are matters that must be attended to where there is property
on either side; and it behooves the intending bridegroom to take
care there is no unnecessary delay in completing them. An occasional
morning call in one of the Inns of Court at this period is often
found to be necessary to hasten the usually sluggish pace of the legal
fraternity. On the business part of this matter it is not the province
of our work to dilate; but we may be permitted to suggest that
two-thirds, or at least one-half, of the lady's property should be
settled on herself and offspring; and that where the bridegroom has
no property wherewith to endow his wife, and has solely to rely on
his professional prospects, it should be made a _sine qua non_ that he
should insure his life in her favor previously to marriage.
_How to be Married_.
By this time the gentleman will have made up his mind _in what form_
he will be married--a question, the solution of which, however, must
chiefly depend on his means and position in life. He has his choice
whether he will be married by BANNS, by LICENSE, by SPECIAL LICENSE,
or before the Registrar; but woe betide the unlucky wight who should
venture to suggest the last method to a young lady or her parents!
_Marriage by Banns_.
For this purpose, notice must be given to the clerk of the parish or
of the district church. The names of the two parties must be written
down in full, with their conditions, and the parishes in which they
reside--as, "Between A B, of the parish of St. George, bachelor (or
widower, as the case may be), and C D, of the parish of St. George,
spinster (or widow, as the case may be)." No mention of either the
lady's or gentleman's age is required. Where the lady and gentleman
are of different parishes, the banns must be published in each, and a
certificate of their publication in the one furnished to the clergyman
who may marry the parties in the church of the other parish.
It seems singular, albeit it is the fact, that no evidence of consent
by either party is necessary to this "putting up of the banns," as
is it denominated; indeed, the publication of the banns is not infrequently the first rural declaration of attachment, so that
the blushing village maiden sometimes finds herself announced as a
bride-elect before she has received any actual declaration. The clerk
receives his fee of two shillings and makes no further inquiries; nay,
more, is prepared, if required, to provide the necessary fathers on
each side, in the respectable persons of himself and the sexton--the
venerable pew-opener being also ready, on a pinch, to "perform" the
part of bridesmaid.
The banns must be publicly read on three successive Sundays in the
church, after the last of which, if they so choose, the happy pair
may, on the Monday following, be "made one." It is usual to give one
day's previous notice to the clerk; but this is not legally necessary,
it being the care of the Church, as well as the policy of the Law, to
throw as few impediments as possible in the way of marriage, of which
the one main fact of a consent to live together, declared publicly
before an assemblage of relatives, friends, and neighbors (and
afterwards, as it were by legal deduction, before witnesses), is the
essential and constituent element. Marriage by banns, except in the
country districts, is usually confined to the humbler classes of
society. This is to be regretted, inasmuch as it is a more deliberate
and solemn declaration, and leaves the ceremony more free from the
imputation of suddenness, contrivance, or fraud, than any other form.
A marriage by banns, it is understood, can never be set aside by the
after discovery of deception or concealment as respects residence, and
even names, on either side. The fees of a marriage by banns vary from
_11s. 6d._ to _13s. 6d._ and _15s. 6d._, according to the parish or
district wherein the marriage may take place.
_Hours in which Marriages may be Celebrated_.
All marriages at church must be celebrated within canonical
hours--that is, between the hours of eight and twelve, except in the
case of special license, when the marriage may be celebrated at any
hour, or at any "meet and proper place."
_Marriage by Special License_.
By the Statute of 23rd Henry VIII., the Archbishop of Canterbury has
power to grant special licenses; but in a certain sense these are
limited. His Grace restricts his authority to Peers and Peeresses in
their own right, to their sons and daughters, to Dowager Peeresses, to
Privy Councilors, to Judges of the Courts at Westminster, to Baronets
and Knights, and to Members of Parliament; and, by an order of a
former Prelate, to no other person is a special license to be
given, unless they allege very strong and weighty reasons for such
indulgence, arising from particular circumstances of the case, the
truth of which must be proved to the satisfaction of the Archbishop.
The application for a special license is to be made to his Grace
through the proctor of the parties, who, having first ascertained
names and particulars, will wait upon his Grace for his fiat.
The expense of a special license is about twenty-eight or thirty
guineas, whereas that of an ordinary license is but two guineas and
a half; or three guineas where the gentleman or lady, or both, are
minors.
_Marriage by License_.
An ordinary marriage license is to be obtained at the Faculty
Registry, or Vicar-General's Office, or Diocesan Registry Office of
the Archbishops or Bishops, either in the country, or at Doctors'
Commons, or by applying to a proctor. A license from Doctors' Commons,
unlike others, however, is available throughout the whole of England.
The gentleman or lady (for either may attend), before applying for an
ordinary marriage license, should ascertain in what parish or district
they are both residing--the church of such parish or district being
the church in which the marriage should be celebrated; and either the
gentleman or lady must have had his or her usual abode therein fifteen
days before application is made for the license, as the following
form, to be made on oath, sets forth:--
... _Proctor_. LICENSE, Dated 187_.
"VICAR-GENERAL'S OFFICE." 187_.
APPEARED PERSONALLY, _A B_, of the parish or district
of ----, in the county of ----, a bachelor,
of the age of 21 years and upwards, and prayed a License for the solemnization of matrimony in the parish
or district church of ----, between him and _C D_,
of the district of ----, in the county of ----, a
spinster, of the age of 21 years or upwards, and made
oath, that he believeth that there is no impediment of
kindred or alliance, or of any other lawful cause, nor
any suit commenced in any Ecclesiastical Court, to bar
or hinder the proceeding of the said matrimony, according
to the tenor of such License. And he further made
oath, that he, the said _A B_ or _C D_, hath had his [or her]
usual place of abode within the said parish or district of
----, for the space of fifteen days last past.
SWORN before me,
[_Here the document must be signed by the Vicar-General,
or a Surrogate appointed by him_.]
This affidavit having been completed, the license is then made out. It
runs thus:--
ARCHIBALD CAMPBELL, by Divine Providence Archbishop of
Canterbury, Primate of all England, and Metropolitan, To our
well beloved in Christ, _A B_, of ____, and _C D_, of ____, Grace
and Health.--WHEREAS ye are, as it is alleged, resolved to
proceed to the solemnization of true and lawful matrimony,
and that you greatly desire that the same may be solemnized in the face of the Church: We, being willing that these your
honest desires may the more speedily obtain a due effect, and
to the end therefore that this marriage may be publicly and
lawfully solemnized in the church of ____, by the Rector,
Vicar, or Curate thereof, without the publication or proclamation
of the banns of matrimony, provided there shall appear
no impediment of kindred or alliance, or of any other lawful
cause, nor any suit commenced in any Ecclesiastical Court, to
bar or hinder the proceeding of the said matrimony, according
to the tenor of this License; And likewise, That the celebration
of this marriage be had and done publicly in the
aforesaid ____ church, between the hours of eight and
twelve in the forenoon; We, for lawful causes, graciously grant
this our LICENSE AND FACULTY as well to you the parties
contracting, as to the Rector, Vicar, Curate, or Minister of
____, the aforesaid ____, who is designed to solemnize the marriage
between you, in the manner and form above specified,
according to the rites of the Book of Common Prayer, set forth
for that purpose by the authority of Parliament.
Given under the seal of our VICAR-GENERAL, this day of
____, in the Year of Our Lord one thousand eight hundred
and ____, and in the ____ year of our translation.
The license remains in force for three months only; and the copy
received by the person applying for it is left in the hands of the
clergyman who marries the parties, it being his authority for so
doing. In case either party is a minor, the age must be stated,
and the consent of the parents or guardians authorized to give such
consent must be sworn to by the gentleman or lady applying for the license. The following are the persons having legal authority to give
their consent in case of minority:--1st, the father; if dead--2nd, the
guardians, if any appointed by his will; if none--3rd, the mother,
if unmarried; if dead or married--4th, the guardians appointed by
Chancery. If none of the foregoing persons exist, then the marriage
may be legally solemnized without any consent whatever. The following
are the official forms for this purpose:--
CONSENTS REQUIRED IN CASE OF MINORS.
_Consent of Father_.
By and with the consent of _A B_, the natural and lawful father of _B
B_, the minor aforesaid.
_Guardian Testamentary_.
By and with the consent of _A B_, the guardian of the person of the
said _C D_, the minor aforesaid, lawfully appointed in and by the last
will and testament of _D D_, deceased, his [or her] natural and lawful
father.
_Mother_.
By and with the consent of _A B_, the natural and lawful mother of _B
B_, the minor aforesaid, his [or her] father being dead, and he [or
she] having no guardian of his [or her] person lawfully appointed, and
his [or her] said mother being unmarried.
_Guardian appointed by the Court of Chancery_.
By and with the consent of _A B_, the guardian of the person of
the said _C D_, appointed by the High Court of Chancery, and having
authority to consent to his [or her] marriage, his [or her] father
being dead, and he [or she] having no guardian of his [or her] person
otherwise lawfully appointed, or mother living and unmarried.
_When no Father, Testamentary Guardian, Mother, or Guardian appointed
by the Court of Chancery_.
That he [or she] the said _A B_, hath no father living, or guardian
of his [or her] person lawfully appointed, or mother living and
unmarried, or guardian of his [or her] person appointed by the High
Court of Chancery, and having authority to consent to the aforesaid
marriage.
The previous remarks have reference only to licenses for marriages
about to be solemnized according to the laws of the Church of England.
_Marriage of Roman Catholics or Dissenters by License_.
By the Statute 6th and 7th William IV., 17th August, 1836, Roman
Catholics and Dissenters who may wish to be married in a church or
chapel belonging to their own denomination, can obtain a license for
that purpose from the Superintendent Registrar of the district in
which one of the parties resides, after giving notice thereof a week
previous to the same officer. The expense of the license is L3 12s.
6d.
_Marriage before the Registrar_.
Should the parties wish to avoid the expense of a license, they can
do so by giving three weeks' notice to the Superintendent Registrar;
which notice is affixed in his office, and read before the proper
officers when assembled; at the expiration of that time the marriage
may be solemnized in any place which is licensed within their
district. The Registrar of Marriages of such district must have notice
of and attend every such marriage. The fee due to the Registrar of
Marriages for attending the ceremony and registering the marriage (by license) is 10s., and for certificate 2s. 6d; and without a
license 5s., and certificate 2s. 6d.
Marriages also by the above-mentioned Act of Parliament may, upon due
notice, be celebrated in the office of the Superintendent Registrar,
with or without license, or with or without any religious ceremony;
but the following declarations, which are prescribed by the Act,
must be made at all marriages, in some part of the ceremony, either
religious or otherwise, in the presence of the Registrar and two
witnesses--viz., "I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful
impediment why I, _A B_, may not be joined in matrimony to _C D_;" and
each of the parties shall also say to each other--"I call upon these
persons here present to witness that I, _A B_, do take thee, _C D_, to
be my lawful wedded wife" (or husband).
It is highly to the credit of the people of this country, and an
eminent proof of their deep religious feeling, that all classes of
the community have virtually repudiated these "Marriages by Act of
Parliament;" nor would we advise any fair maiden who has a regard to
the comfort and respect of her after connubial life, to consent to be
married in the Registrar's back parlor, after due proclamation by the
Overseers and Poor-Law Guardians.
_The Bridal Trousseau, and the Wedding Presents_.
The day being fixed for the wedding, the bride's father now presents
her with a sum of money for her _trousseau_, according to her rank in
life. A few days previously to the wedding, presents are also made
to the bride by relations and intimate friends, varying in amount and
value according to their degrees of relationship and friendship--such
as plate, furniture, jewelry, and articles of ornament, as well as
of utility, to the newly-married lady in her future station. These,
together with her wedding dresses, &c., it is customary to exhibit to
the intimate friends of the bride a day or two before her marriage.
_Duty of a Bridegroom-Elect_.
The bridegroom elect has on the eve of matrimony no little business
to transact. His first care is to look after a house suitable for his
future home, and then, assisted by the taste of his chosen helpmate,
to take steps to furnish it in a becoming style. He must also, if
engaged in business, make arrangements for a month's absence; in
fact, bring together all matters into a focus, so as to be readily
manageable when after the honeymoon he shall take the reins himself.
He will do well also to burn most of his bachelor letters, and part
with, it may be, some few of his bachelor connections; and he should
communicate, in an easy informal way, to his acquaintances generally,
the close approach of so important a change in his condition. Not
to do this might hereafter lead to inconvenience and cause no little
annoyance.
We must now speak of
_Buying the Ring_.
It is the gentleman's business to buy the ring; _and let him take
especial care not to forget it_; for such an awkward mistake has
frequently happened. The ring should be, we need scarcely say, of the
very purest gold, but substantial. There are three reasons for this:
first, that it may not break--a source of great trouble to the young
wife; secondly, that it may not slip off the finger without being
missed--few husbands being pleased to hear that their wives have lost
their wedding rings; and, thirdly, that it may last out the lifetime
of the loving recipient, even should that life be protracted to the
extreme extent. To get at the right size required is not one of the
least interesting of the delicate mysteries of love. A not unusual
method is to get a sister of the fair one to lend one of the lady's
rings, to enable the jeweler to select the proper size. Care must
be taken, however, that it be not too large. Some audacious suitors,
rendered bold by their favored position, have been even known
presumptuously to try the ring on the patient finger of the
bride-elect; and it has rarely happened in such cases that the ring
has been refused, or sent back to be changed.
Having bought the ring, the bridegroom should now put it into his
waistcoat-pocket, there to remain until he puts on his wedding vest on
the morning of the marriage; to the left-hand pocket of which he must
then carefully transfer it, and not part with it until he takes it out
in the church during the wedding ceremony.
In ancient days, it appears by the "Salisbury Manual," there was a
form of "Blessing the Wedding Ring" before the wedding day; and in
those times the priest, previously to the ring being put on, always
made careful inquiry whether it had been duly blessed. It would seem
to be the wish of certain clergymen, who have of late brought back
into use many ceremonial observances that had fallen into desuetude,
to revive this ancient custom.
_Who should be Asked to the Wedding_.
The wedding should take place at the house of the bride's parents or
guardians. The parties who ought to be asked are the father and mother
of the gentleman, the brothers and sisters (their wives and husbands
also, if married), and indeed the immediate relations and favored friends of both parties. Old family friends on the bride's side should
also receive invitations--the _rationale_ or original intention of
this wedding assemblage being to give publicity to the fact that the
bride is leaving her paternal home with the consent and approbation of
her parents.
On this occasion the bridegroom has the privilege of asking any
friends he may choose to the wedding; but no friend has a right to
feel affronted at not being invited, since, were all the friends
on either side assembled, the wedding breakfast would be an
inconveniently crowded reception, rather than an impressive
ceremonial. It is, however, considered a matter of friendly attention
on the part of those who cannot be invited, to be present at the
ceremony in the church.
_Who should be Bridesmaids_.
The bridesmaids should include the unmarried sisters of the bride;
but it is considered an anomaly for an elder sister to perform this
function. The pleasing novelty for several years past, of an addition
to the number of bridesmaids varying from two to eight, and sometimes
more, has added greatly to the interest of weddings, the bride being
thus enabled to diffuse a portion of her own happiness among the
most intimate of her younger friends. One lady is always appointed
principal bridesmaid, and has the bride in her charge; it is also her
duty to take care that the other bridesmaids have the wedding favors in readiness. On the second bridesmaid devolves, with her principal,
the duty of sending out the cards; and on the third bridesmaid, in
conjunction with the remaining beauties of her choir, the onerous
office of attending to certain ministrations and mysteries connected
with the wedding cake.
_Of the Bridegroomsmen_.
It behooves a bridegroom to be exceedingly particular in the selection
of the friends who, as groomsmen, are to be his companions and
assistants on the occasion of his wedding. Their number is limited to
that of the bridesmaids: one for each. It is unnecessary to add that
very much of the social pleasure of the day will depend on their
proper mating. Young and unmarried they must be, handsome they should
be, good-humored they cannot fail to be, well dressed they will of
course take good care to be. Let the bridegroom diligently con over
his circle of friends, and select the comeliest and the pleasantest
fellows for his own train. The principal bridegroomsman, styled his
"best man" has, for the day, the special charge of the bridegroom;
and the last warning we would give him is, to take care that, when the
bridegroom puts on his wedding waistcoat, he does not omit to put the
wedding ring into the corner of the left-hand pocket. The dress of
a groomsman should be light and elegant; a dress coat, formerly
considered indispensable, is no longer adopted.
_Duties to be Attended to the Day before the Wedding_.
The bride now sends white gloves, wrapped in white paper and tied with
white ribbon, to each of the bridesmaids.
The bridegroom does the same to each of the bridegroomsmen.
One portion of the wedding cake is cut into small oblong pieces, and
passed by the bridesmaids through the wedding ring, which is delivered
into their charge for this purpose. The pieces of cake are afterwards
put up in ornamental paper, generally pink or white, enameled,
and tied with bows of silvered paper. This pleasant old custom is,
however, much on the wane.
The bridegroom's "best man" on this day must take care that due notice
be sent to the clerk of the parish where the ceremony is to take
place, so that the church may be got ready, and the clergyman be in
attendance.
It is usual too for the bridegroom's "best man" to make arrangements
for the church bells being rung after the ceremony: the _rationale_ of
this being to imply that it is the province of the husband to call on
all the neighbors to rejoice with him on his receiving his wife, and
not that of the lady's father on her going from his house.
The bridegroom furnishes to the bridesmaids his list for the "Cards"
to be sent to his friends; of which hereafter.
On the evening of this day the wedding breakfast should be ornamented
and spread out, as far as possible, in the apartment appropriated to
it.
The bridesmaids on this evening also prepare the wedding favors,
which should be put up in a box ready to be conveyed to the church on
the morning of the marriage. A picturesque custom is observed in many
country weddings, where the bride's friends strew her path to the
church door with flowers.