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The "tortured" and the "torturees"

Spring 2000 Archive
Jan-Jul 2000 Archive

My story started simply enough. I asked a very good friend of mine, who happens to be from and still live in Germany, to be my Maid of Honor. She immediately accepted, bought her plane ticket and put in for her vacation. Now, in Germany they get 6 weeks of vacation a year and my friend considers anything less than 3 weeks vacation a wast eof time. I knew this, and when she told me she would be here for the 3 weeks prior to my wedding, I informed her that we had no extra bedroom but that we did have a couch and that was fine with her.

Now, my husband and I were paying for this wedding ourselves, and we did not do anything cheap. We are by no means rich, but we scraped and saved to make sure we both had everything we wanted. When my Maid of Honor arrived, we started discussing all the plans I had made and what everything would look like. For everything we talked about, I was told how stupid I was to waste all that money on a wedding, that in Germany they did not have such elaborate events. Well, we are not in Germany!!!

I had told my mother that I did not want a bachlorette party...I am no longer into drinking and partying. I would rather have a nice dinner with friends. Well, my mother told 'Brunhilda' this, and Brunhilda did not believe her. Instead, she yelled and cursed at my mother. Brunhilda tried to set one up, but I refused to go out because I was working while she was here and was just too tired. This caused a huge argument all around and lots of lovely silence treatment in my own home!!!

Closer to the wedding, all I hear out of Brunhilda is that this the most important day of HER life!!! She was not supportive or helpful and basically just lied around on my couch all day sucking up air!!! Several times while she was here, my fiancee and I took her out to dinner and treated her...and all she bought in return was milk. But, we figured she came all this way, we should give her a little leeway.

Two days before the wedding, she and I go to get manicures and pedicures and I left my wallet at home, so she payed. I thought it was a gift, but apparently not. That night we have our rehearsal dinner, and she refuses to speak to me, as do my in-laws. Now, the in-laws did not like me because I took their son away, so I had a huge hill to climb with them anyways. Turns out, they spent the whole rehearsal meal comparing notes about what a horrible person I am and why our marriage was not going to last. Brunhilda also told them that no one liked me and that I was basically a shrew!!! Then why did she even bother to fly from Germany?

The day of the wedding, while getting our hair done, she informs the stylist that she was not paying, but because I owed her money the stylist should collect from me. Like anyone has an extra $50 on their wedding day!!! Thankfully, my mom paid. Now, we are off to the hotel with little time to spare. We get there, and Brunhilda promptly leaves my room to go and get dressed...leaving me alone to try and put on my undergarments and dress. Finally my mom finds out that I am alone and comes to rescue me. Turns out, Brunhilda is off getting drunk. When she finally returns to the room, she orders another shot from room service-all the while talking about this was the important day of her life!!!

We make it through the wedding, and during the reception I was able to avoid her...despite the fact that she was hitting on every man in the room, whether they were married or not. After the reception, my husband hired a limo and we invite several of our friends to join us. By this time,she has kissed every single man and is rubbing up against all of them. While in the limo, I am drinking a coke and Brunhilda decides she wants a 'ZIP OF YOUR ZODA!!!' When I tell her no, because I am just so over her by then, she HITS ME!!! My husband sees a fight brewing, and luckily sends her to the front of the limo.

Next morning, my husband's brother is nowhere to be found, nor is Brunhilda. Apparently, they decided to have a one night stand. Now, after the wedding, she won't talk to me, and neither do my in-laws because I was so unkind to Brunhilda (while she was staying with us before the wedding) and all the lies she told them at rehearsal. If I am such a horrible person, then why would anyone have shown up for my wedding? The sad part is, everything else went perfectly...there were no other gliches, but of course all I remember is lovely Brunhilda on the most important day of her life!!!


My fiance invited one of his best friends from back home, we'll call him Carl, to be a groomsman in the wedding. He called him about 8 months before the wedding took place to ask if this would be possible, and Carl agreed happily to be in the wedding. We sent an invitation and got no response, but no biggie, we weren't worried about it. Two weeks before the wedding, Carl calls us at about 2 in the morning, from a pay phone in a bar, to tell us "I'm definitely going to try to be there." Carl, mind you, lives in Arizona, the bar he calls from is in New York, and the wedding is in Wisconsin. He's going to TRY? Clearly, no plane tickets have been bought...although he found a way to take a little pleasure trip to New York City 2 weeks before our wedding.

So, the night of the rehearsal dinner rolls around and we have yet to hear from Carl, and we re-arrange our (uneven numbered) bridesmaids and groomsmen accordingly. He never showed, never called, never wrote. Needless to say, we haven't heard from him since (it's been 4 years). Good riddance to this "good friend."             BMS0715-00

The bridal party is quite large, I think 8 in total including the happy couple.

The youngest bridesmaid is the sister of the bride, about age 15 at the time.   During the photos a few drinks were passed around, then a few more until it's time to head back to the reception.

After the speeches it's time to cut the cake...about 250 guests look towards the top table..the bride and groom make their way to the multi layer cake...the youngest bridesmaid looks mighty pale...she has her hands on her face, she doesn't look great...waiting to cut cake...knife on the bottem layer...the bridsmaid is not happy. Both hands now cover her mouth....smiling couple ready for the cake photo.....THE BRIDESMAID SPEWS UP !!!

A couple of friends hold her up and drag her off to the bathroom....threw up all over place...outstanding.  We have seen a few interesting weddings, but a pissed bridesmaid spewing at the reception takes the biscuit.

The reception carried on minus one and her mother, blaming the groom and bestman for letting her darling daughter have a wine or twenty.


I was married this past August. When my husband and I were engaged inMarch of this year, I chose three attendants.  My MOH was my college roommate and the two others were my husbad's sisters. I have been MOH for a girl that I've been friends with forever twice now, but we had a falling out and hadn't been speaking for some time when I was choosing my attendants.

We eventually started talking and hanging out again with her and her second husband, and after a month or two, my husband and I decided to change all our plans and ask them to be in the wedding party as well. Her husband was very gracious and excited about being asked, but she was very quiet when she accepted.  She then decided to suggest that I tell the MOH that I would have two or that I would tell the original MOH to step down altogether.  I just couldn't in good conscience do this, but she insisted.

About two months later, after assuring me that she would be gracious and do whatever was necessary, she calls me sobbing as I'm on the way out the door to pick up MOH from the airport. She can't believe that I won't ask her to step down, etc. etc. I went so far as to suggest that the two of them share some traditional MOH responsibilities and such so she'd feel more involved. Basically, she just wanted to stand closest to me at the ceremony and have her name by MOH on the programs. I simply could not believe that she would insist (repeatedly) that I tell this other girl that she was no longer needed!

It was a terrible couple of weeks before the wedding, but she eventually calmed down and behaved well at the wedding....thank goodness!


Dear Jeanne,

Your site makes my day.  HILARIOUS to see the entire spectrum of truly bad human behavior!

My story is about my husband.  Probably fifteen years ago, he was asked to be in the wedding party for Milt, his best friend from high school.  Milt and my husband had remained friends through college, and the wedding was taking place just a few months after they'd all had their college graduation.  The bride was also a high school friend and so it was "old home week" for practically everyone in the bridal party.  A few months before the wedding date, my husband and other members of the bridal party were provided the whole schedule--bachelor party, wedding shower, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, wedding--and everything was proceeding swimmingly.

The day before the wedding is, of course, the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.  My husband and another high school friend, Tim, appear at the rehearsal dinner and can't figure out why everyone is looking daggers at them.  Turns out that both Tim and my husband thought that the rehearsal was for the bride and groom ONLY!  No one in their entire lives had ever told them that the rehearsal involves the entire bridal party--so they'd skipped the rehearsal!  Never showed up, never called anyone to say they wouldn't be there, nothing.  As this was the first wedding either of them had ever been asked to participate in, they simply didn't know any better, the poor idiots.  Every time I think of this story, I still cringe on my husband's behalf (not to mention that of the bride and groom, who--bless their forgiving hearts!--have remained friends of ours).


(Prologue my MOH and I agreed she would wear a black velvet top with a formal, floor-length burgundy skirt, after I threw out the idea of having all black. I decided it would be dull. My fiance's sister is wearing a floor-length green gown she already owns. It's not hunter green, but not kelly green.)

My MOH and her mother threw me an absolutely wonderful shower this weekend. It was perfect. I couldn't have asked for a lovelier, more personal shower. Then, after everyone left, I showed my MOH a catalog that had a black velvet, off-the-shoulder top in it that I thought she might like. I showed her (and her mother, who popped in) and MOH said, "Oh! I already bought *that* dress." She pointed to the floor-length, ALL BLACK dress next to the top. Her mother then said, "I thought the top would be too short so blah blah blah blah" (that's all I heard at that point). So, in shock, I said, "Is it all black?" (Thinking maybe they had a burgundy one.) She said, "Yes."

I couldn't say anything at the time. I was totally freaked. We had agreed to something, and she bought the dress without calling me or anything. I also had a sneaking suspicion her mother was behind the whole thing because she hates me (even though she helped with the shower). She has ever sincewe were kids. And last year, for my MOHs wedding, I wore this hideous dress that was completely unflattering. Her mother picked that out, too. I looked like nothing but cleavage. It was made by someone, and it looked like it. So now, here I was again with a dress problem, thanks to my best friend's mother.

I ranted to my mom, and then my dad, and they both said I had to say something. I knew I did, too, but I love my best friend and I just didn't understand how this could happen. I suck at confrontations or anything like this. But I knew it had to be done.  We had plans to meet that night, so we did. We talked about all kinds of things, and then I finally just burst out, "I have something I want to talk about but I don't know how. Please don't get upset, I just need to talk about it." She said, "What?" (Later she told me she thought I was going to tell her she's out of the wedding!) I said, "Your dress. Why did you buy one that's all black?"

To make a long story a little bit shorter, it all came out that she wasn't crazy about the dress but that her mother (see...) had talked her into it. She said she just didn't seem to be able to find anything that fit. She's a tall girl, and shaped like a woman. We talked more, and I pointed out she had only been to a couple of stores, and they were just department stores. (The same catalog with the dress had the skirt she wanted in a large enough size. So that's even more confusing.) I offered my help and said I'd help her track stuff down. I had experience in this since I'm a plus size bride and I needed to find a gown that looked fabulous (and I did!) So, I suggested David's Bridal and the yellow pages. Her city has plenty of bridal shops. I also said we'd buy a copy of Mode and look for designers and their web sites. Then I suggested we go to her apartment and search through

She started crying. She said she ruined my wedding, she had months to do this, there wouldn't be time, etc. I hugged her and had her sit down (still hugging) and explained she's my best friend and it's okay. I understand how frustrating it is to find something flattering. Eventually we went back to her place, surfed the site, and found lots of gowns. Our next task is to split up the phone numbers to call and find out where these designers are carried in her area.

It still galls me that her mother jumped into this. Even when my MOH called her mother to tell her to send the dress back, I heard her say at the end, "Yeah, that's a good idea. Go ahead and keep it in case we don't find anything." Well, she can wear it for something else, but NOT MY WEDDING.

I know I don't need to go into how this all makes me feel. I'm not letting it get to me. I love her, and we'll find something. But that mother.........I know you all can understand.       BMS1027-00