BRIDESMAIDS AND BEASTMEN

The "tortured" and the "torturees"

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I adore your site. I have to try super-hard to not crack up at work. Anyway, this story is about what happened to me at my father's wedding a few years back. My father was marrying his girlfriend of two years, and my step-sister and I were asked to be in the wedding party. *Jane* (step-sister) loved the idea, but I was a bit leery. She and I had not gotten along very well, but she really wanted to bury the hatchet and make peace with me. Ok, so (like the sucker I am) I agree. We go out to dinner and get to know each other, but I am always on my guard around her (she makes my skin crawl for some reason).

Anyway, fast forward to the dress buying. *Linda* (step-mother) and her mother *Trudy* went out to buy Jane and I dresses. Now Jane is a small girl with a large bust (I am soooo jealous), but I am a normal size for my height without being skinny or bony. We could not go with them because I had a school function to attend to, and Jane couldn't go because she "wasn't in the mood to dress shop", so we gave them our sizes and off they went. They had told us they were getting dark blue dresses, which was fine with me. I have generic coloring and look good on almost everything.

What they came back with was nowhere near blue. They had decided on a deep burgundy. Ugh. I look like I have been dead for at least a week. It makes my skin so white. Here's the kicker: my soon-to-be step-grandmother picked out the sizes. They got Jane's just right; she looked like a dream!! And it was just her color, too. I was handed mine and told to go try it on. I did. I barely squeezed my hips in the thing!!! I came out in my jeans and sweater, and they yelled at me for not letting them see it on me!!! I told them that if they had gotten the right size, then I would have. Trudy says to me "Well, I needed a way to tell you to lose weight, so I figures the dress would do it for me. You have no choice but to lose weight. They won't take the dress back now they you have tried it on." I was speechless. I was by no means fat. I was a size 7!!! Turns out that they had bought Jane and I the same size (her size), figuring that I could lose weight off of my already slender frame. I was livid. I told Trudy and Linda that if I lost anymore weight, I would be underweight. Trudy said "It's not my problem you're fat" ( I forgot to add that all the women on her side of the family were tiny, tiny women with a large bust, although I think everyone figured that out already). I demanded that they get me another one. Their response?? "Well, had you told us your size, we would have gotten it. Besides, we only have enough money to buy you one dress"

WHAT!?!?!?! I tried to explain that I did give them my size. I wrote it down and gave it to Linda. Well, Linda had put it in her other purse (not the one she brought with her that day; she changed before they left), and forgotten about it. So, I went to my dad and asked the name of the store and $50 for a layaway. He was shocked at what they did and gave me the full amount for the dress ($125), plus got the receipt from Linda somehow. I went and bought my dress. My size fit perfectly (even if the color was all wrong). I paid for it and asked the saleslady if they accepted returns and she said yes. I went home, got the other dress and got the money back (without telling Linda or Trudy). So I got a new dress, $125, and I was still in the wedding. P.S. Everyone was commenting on how terribly skinny Linda's side of the family was, while saying I looked absolutely marvelous. Tee hee...revenge is sweet...     bridesmaids0103-02

I thought I would share my most recent hellish experience with you and your readers.
My best friend (the MOH in my wedding) was getting married. She asked me to be one of her bridesmaids, and I accepted. She also expressed to me that she was having trouble lining up special features for the ceremony, so I offered to sing if she would like. Now, I have been the lead in several musicals, holiday programs and have sung at several weddings, so there was no risk of the guests putting their hands to their ears and screaming in pain. She was very appreciative, and said she would plan on having me in the program.

About one month before the event she announced that she would like me to sing a duet with her sister (bridesmaid #2) instead of a solo. I said sure, no problem. The days counted down and the wedding grew near. I had purchased an airline ticket and reserved a rental car. Unfortunately, my flight was cancelled due to the September 11 events. (The wedding was the 16^th.) I immediately called my friend to assure her that I would still attend, I would drive to the event. I offered to give her and the groom a ride also. We all live in the same town, but the wedding was 1500 miles away. This is where it gets really bad.

She called me back and said "we don't need a ride, we are renting a car, but I told the other bridesmaid that you would take her." Fortunately, at the last minute, she and the groom took bridesmaid #3. Well, my husband and I load up the car and start driving. We drug into town exhausted and I called my friend to let her know I was there. She then informed me that the arrangements I had to stay with her sister were cancelled, since bridesmaid #3 was staying there and had a cold. I was then told that since I wasn't staying with the other bridesmaids, I wouldn't be invited to the pre-wedding nail appointment. So now we have driven for two days straight and have to find a hotel on the spur of the moment and I was un-invited to the pedicure!

I was pretty mad, but I pasted on a smile and headed for the rehearsal. I got a copy of the program and was shocked to find that I wasn't on it! I had practiced my part for the song for a month, and now realized that I wasn't even singing. My friend told me I would be doing the duet at the reception. Well, as it turned out, we ended up singing our duet for about 4 people-since the majority of the guests had already left the party by the time the MOB told us it was our turn. I would never have bent over backwards, driven 3000 miles round trip, and practiced so hard if I had known that I was going to be demoted to the no-pedicure, no-singing, no-place-to-stay bridesmaid!! We really haven't talked since.

Bridesmaids0108-02

My college roommate, Kim had married straight out of college to a guy she meet 3 months before who did "the right thing". I was a bridesmaid. I paid $175 for uncomfortable shoes and an unattractive dress, arrange a shower at my parents house, which my Mom helped pay for as I was broke. Her MOH( her twin sister) was too busy with work, so I just asked her to invite everyone which she did- two days before!! I bought presents for the shower and wedding, went to the wedding, to which my boyfriend (now, my husband) wasn't invited to "keep the numbers down". I put up with her Dad who kept hugging me and making lewd suggestions. All this I did with a smile because I was her brides maid and it was my duty.

Fast forward two years, my wedding now. Having worked in a bridal shop, I could never understand the bride who brought her in 10 nearest and dearest friends to be fitted as bridesmaids. So, I asked my future SIL (who introduced hubby and self), my little sister to be MOH, and Kim. Since I was having only three bridesmaids and one was my sister, my parents said they would pay for the dresses. They ask me to keep each dress around $200 if possible. Kim is broke, she and Andy have a toddler, he works nights so he can continue college during the day, so that's great news. I ask Kim to go look at dresses with me. We were getting married in the summer and I thought a cotton floral dress would be nice. We go to a store where they have a huge selection of dresses priced about $120-$150. Kim complains about every dress she tries on. Discouraged I suggest we head home after two hours.

While driving home, Kim complains about how broke she and Andy are and how they can't really afford a nice wedding present for us. That's fine we just want them to be there. Kim then asks me what my parents are going to do with the extra money since the dresses weren't going to be $200 each. I look at her stunned, and she hastily changes the subject. Her mother and stepfather are coming to the wedding, so who's going to watch her son? He's so small wouldn't it be fine to just bring him. I tell her no childern have been invited (especially a beast such as hers!) and suggest her in-laws babysit. They have already offered but want to take Phillip to a family reunion that day and she doesn't want them to. My retort, "Why not? He's family!" There's more but you get the idea. I've been married 10 years, have seen her three times since- Thank heavens!!     Bridesmaids0130-02

We were married last June, and I still can't get over the TORTURE my now ex-friend put me through while planning the wedding. Let me just say that these are only a few of the MANY stories about what a witch this chick is. This girl used to be a good friend. She turned into a miserable, self-centered person, and if I hadn't been her only friend, I would have never asked her to be a bridesmaid. She accepted. Then proceeded to:

1) Never ONCE asked anything about the wedding plans, if we needed any help, say that she was excited, etc. Therefore, I would rarely even bring up The Wedding, because the last thing I wanted to look like was one of those crazy brides who can't talk about anything else.

2) Expected me to drop anything and everything to spend numerous hours listening to her drone on about HER job, HER house that her parents bought for her, or to hear her analyze EVERY LINE of EVERY CONVERSATION she's ever had with her ridiculous, on/off boyfriend. ( And yes, I did it.)

3) I did, however, have to allude to the fact that we were making plans for a wedding when I called her up to let her know that I picked out the bridesmaids' gowns. Of course, I figured she'd be elated, what with discussing a subject centering on HER. She could care less. Needless to say, she was the last person to go get fitted (complaining the whole time, the tailor told me). Now, I understand that these grievances are petty, but I'm just laying the ground work for the bombs.

4) When the other bridesmaids got together to plan my shower....bridesmonster NEVER SHOWED UP. She "must have forgotten". Obviously, it wasn't important enough for her to remember.

5) At said shower, her only duty was to decorate some chair I was to sit in, (mind you, she's an interior decorator), and save for a few streamers or tulle, it was bare. Not that I really cared, except it turns out, she showed up an hour later than she was supposed to and only had a few minutes to do it, all the while telling the girls about the two valium she popped to get through the party. She then left early, because she had reservations at a restaurant with Psycho-boy, leaving my mother and bridal party to clean up on their own.

6) Psycho-boy had been floundering for months about going to "that f***ing wedding". When bridesmonster told him that she used to date one of the ushers, he flew into a jealous rage and they broke up. Again. I give her the option of bringing ANYBODY besides him. Again. So now, here I am, trying to console this friend about the breakup, make sure she gets this abusive guy out of her life for good this time, and basically stroke her ego. All the while, I am dealing with a death in the family, planning a wedding and buying a house. All I can think is that here I am, going out of my way for this chick, and she can't give one s*** about my life. I write it off as a phase, hoping she'll go back to the fun-loving person she was when we first met.

7) Needless to say, they get back together. ONE WEEK before MY wedding... bridesmonster calls me crying that Psycho-boy has just outdone himself. During a fight, he proceeds to spit on her walls, kick in her dishwasher, rip one of her kitchen cabinets down and punch in a ceiling tile in the basement of her house. Does she call the police? Hire a locksmith? No, she calls me. After having the required advice-giving session, I tell her that I am ripping up his placecard as we speak. Who knows what this guy is capable of and I have 200 other people to worry about at this wedding. Not to mention any unsuspecting male guests who'd find themselves at the end of his fist for saying hi to you, or dragging you out of the room to yell at you through the whole reception, but who even knows if he'll show up?

8) So, they get back together. Bridesmonster apparently has amnesia, because when I ask her if she told Psycho-boy about his uninvited status, she gets very surprised and defensive. I am at the end of my rope, and tell her to "just take care of it." It is now the night of the rehearsal, which PBoy had already decided to bag on. As we are rushing around the house, running late for the church, Bmonster's MOTHER calls to discuss how traumatized her little princess is over all this. I tell her we're running very late for OUR WEDDING REHEARSAL and can we discuss this another time.

9) It is now the following day, the night before our wedding, and I answer the phone to hear, "I just want you to know that you have RUINED your wedding for me." That's it. I lose it. This girl has done everything in her power to ruin MY wedding for ME. And now I'm supposed to give one flying flip about how SHE feels about it? Huge screaming match ensues. Hell hath no fury than a ticked off bride the day before her wedding. She says she wants out. I say fine. She's shocked and amazed that I don't beg for her presence. She backtracks. I tell her she is my friend and that she should be there, but if she can't suck it up and put a smile on her face for one day, don't come. She apologizes. (Shocker)

10) Wedding day...She shows up, makes it through the ceremony, stays for pictures, mingles at the cocktail hour. Spends the first hour of the reception in the bridal room on her cell phone then LEAVES before the salad is even served. Haven't spoken to her since. GOOD RIDDANCE! My life is much easier now. I have many happy friends and family with which to live out my life. May bridesmonster burn in Etiquette Hell.    Bridesmaids0131-02

Two years ago my best friend Ellie and her long-time boyfriend Rob were engaged. She being the impatient type, they immediately began planning the wedding, and the same day she told me of her engagement she asked me to be her Matron of Honor. Although she lived in North Carolina, I lived in New York, and the wedding was to be held in our hometown in Pennsylvania, I accepted -- she is my best friend, after all! She had three bridesmaids and a Maid of Honor in addition to me. Nicole, she was afraid, would be very upset if she weren't Maid of Honor -- but Ellie wanted *me* to be her MOH -- hence, a Matron and a Maid (as I was married and Nicole was not). This seemed to be the perfect solution, until it came time to plan the wedding shower.

This was the task I had been most looking forward to ever since Ellie had announced her engagement; I wanted to throw her a spectacular party. I tried repeatedly to talk to Nicole about it, but Nicole kept putting me off, saying we had plenty of time and I didn't have to worry about it just yet. Finally it was two months before the wedding and there were no shower plans yet. Meanwhile, my husband and I had just planned a trip to Los Angeles to attend the wedding of a friend of his (he was the Best Man) -- we had just purchased our plane tickets and made arrangements to stay with friends while we were there. Then Nicole called me and told me she had chosen a date for the wedding shower, and it was the only day it could possibly be held (because it was the only day that was convenient for her).

Needless to say, the day she had chosen (and she had sent out invitations already, before she'd even spoken to me about it -- she had told the Mother of the Bride that I "wasn't interested") was the day my husband would be standing up for his friend on the other side of the country! I was devastated; I tried to rearrange my travel plans to no avail, and after all was said and done, I missed my best friend's wedding shower. After all was said and done I told Ellie the whole pathetic story and immediately felt better when her first reaction was to tell me, "The shower was terrible; it would have been so much better if you'd done it." The wedding itself was another story, when the reception was held over four hours after the ceremony itself was over, leaving out-of-towners (about 85% of those in attendance) to fend for themselves at a local sports bar, waiting for the reception to begin! But at least no one scheduled it without telling me about it first! :)     bridesmaids0114-02

My boyfriend's sister ("Sandy") and her fiancé ("Sam") finally decided to get married. She planned the wedding and of course, picked her bridal party. Her soon-to-be SIL ("Darla") was a little miffed about not being asked to be in the wedding (though she would never admit it), but attended the bachelorette party anyway. While there, Sandy's MOH (her best friend) apparently said to Darla that she couldn't believe that Sam would marry Sandy after all she did to him. Here's a little background info: Sandy had cheated on Sam a few times and even accepted a proposal from another man while living with Sam (she of course broke it off). The MOH supposedly said this right to Darla (like anyone would be so stupid). The party was hosted well before the wedding, but two weeks before the ceremony, Darla calls Sandy up screaming and crying about what MOH said to her. She says that Sandy should fire the MOH and that she could step in because she had a brand new dress and everything!! She also said she only waited so long to tell her because her husband (bride's brother) wouldn't let her tell (he has never stopped her from doing anything). Sandy gets so upset she tries to call off the wedding, but Sam won't hear of it.

Jump to the day of the wedding...Remember, Darla bought a great new dress for the wedding, right?? Nope! She showed up in a magenta colored knee length sweater and black stirrup pants with her hair pulled back in a barrette and no makeup.. Everyone else was in suits and dresses, even her husband wore a suit!! I guess she thought she could really ruin things for Sandy by wearing her ugly '80s get up, but the joke was on her: she wasn't in one single picture!!!   bridesmaids0214-02

What a wonderful site. If I hadn't already been married, honestly I don't know if I'd ever try it, given these horror stories! But I suppose it's best to try to take lessons from these stories. With that in mind, my lesson, hard-learned, is this: Don't expect scatterheaded people to take deadlines or responsibilities seriously. Choose wisely before counting on someone!

I had a very small wedding. The wedding party was 2 groomsmen, a BM and maid of honor, and 2 flower girls (cousins aged 7 and 11, whose mothers were good friends from church). The bridesmaids I chose had been dear friends for years, but both were not quite models of responsible bearing (one was barely 18, and the MOH, however adorable and beloved, was just basically an infamous procrastinator, and not at all organized).

Because my fiancé and I were strapped for cash, I asked how our bridesmaids felt about a simple dress based upon a pattern I liked. The BMs and little girls' mothers were all decent seamstresses. They all liked the pattern too and were happy the cost would be so minimal (around $25 total per dress -- the wedding was outdoors in the South in summer, so I wanted cotton muslin). It being a small wedding at my fiancé’s parents' large country estate, six months was plenty of time to plan. My dress was finished with months to spare by a professional dressmaker (her wedding gift to me), but 3 months to the wedding, none of my friends had even gotten fabric yet! My fiancé ended up carting them around to fabric stores, shoe stores, and doing most of the MOH's duties. He had to -- they just kept putting it all off, till he showed up on their doorsteps and said "We're going to Hancock's now." I didn't find out for years how hard he worked to keep those folks on track -- I was away at school and had no idea what was going on at home. NOTHING a MOH is supposed to do got done, needless to say, not even a shower, which was held by a friend of the groom's mother when it was realized that the MOH wasn't going to do it.

The morning of the wedding (scheduled for early afternoon), I got a phone call around 8am. It was my MOH. I was immediately concerned when she said "When's the wedding again?" I told her and asked if everything was all right. "Oh, it's fine," she said in a just-woke-up voice. "I just got up and I'm finishing my dress now." You're WHAT? I thought, but I said only, "How far along is it?" "Oh, I just got done cutting it out," she said dreamily. I choked, but the worst was to come. The 18-year-old BM was still hemming her gown, so that'd probably be done on time, but one little girl's mother called me to announce that her sewing machine had broken. "How far along was the dress?" I asked. The woman had just started it, was the answer. I sighed to myself and suggested she talk to her sister.

The phone rang a few minutes later. It was the sister. She couldn't loan her machine out because she was using it herself. She wasn't much further along on her daughter's dress either. A few minutes later the same sister called me to announce that not only had *her* machine just broken, but it'd smeared machine oil all over the fabric. "Fine," I said, trying not to snarl. "The wedding colors are lavender and cream. Put the kids in something matching that. I don't care what." Not putting the kids into the wedding would have crushed them -- they'd been promised a part in my wedding since they were toddlers and it wasn't their fault their mothers were this irresponsible! Neither little girl had anything nice in lavender or cream colored. Purple? No. Pink? No. In fact, one mother volunteered, the only really *nice* dress her kid had was green satin. "Fine. Put her in that", I said. The other little girl happened to have a nice green dress as well. God had spoken.

The bridesmaids got there more than an hour late, throwing off the photographer and rendering it impossible to do my hair -- I got a last-minute braided sort of hairdo, nothing like what we'd arranged months ago. Both bridesmaids were in their dresses -- the younger one's dress didn't fit very well, and the MOH had several unfinished seams showing, but they were wearable. The kids looked fine -- actually the green coordinated nicely with the leaves of the flowers that were *everywhere. The wedding went pretty well after that. I can truthfully say that all's well that ended well. I certainly didn't lose any friendships over any of this. I know we were all just kids with no real sense, and try to take comfort knowing my MOH and BM meant well. But oh my, do I ever cringe to remember that series of phone calls! I will *never* trust procrastinators to do anything like this again.  Bridesmaids0220-02

My brother and sister-in-law were married in a lovely wedding in 1979. Now that was a few years ago and disco was just fading out. The dress I was forced to purchase on the income of a 17 year old, as I describe to those who will still listen, "The Satanic Brides Maid Dress". This dress was then and now unbelievable. It is, yes it is still in my closet, the color of orange. Not tangerine. Not pale sunset. Not any other color except orange. It is made of polyester. Shiny Polyester. Let me describe it in detail. Floor length pleated skirt, fitted bodice with spaghetti straps, and the color is orange shiny. Low, low cut in front. Separate see through mesh cap thing over the shoulders that buttons once in the back and drapes to just below the elbows. It, the mesh cap thing, is shiny, see through orange.

Photos please!

Now if you want to have bad taste in any decade, go for it. Just leave me out of it. Yet at seventeen, when no girl wishes to be embarrassed about anything, I was subjected to wearing a dress a stripper might wear if it was cut off just below the top of the thigh. Only if her program called for the dress to be taken off very early in the program. This might be a good time to describe my figure at the time. 5'4", 130 lbs with a 42DDD bust line. Have you ever looked for a strapless bra in that size? Don't waste your time. I tried and didn't find one. Oh wait, I did wear a corset I found at Frederick’s of Hollywood. It was the only thing I could find that came close enough to offering some semblance of support. In the wedding photos my sister-in-law looks beautiful and the MOH looks great too. The other bride's maid looks nice and then pan to the young, stripper that somehow got in the picture. There I am with my Dorothy Hamill haircut, bouquet and cleavage.

When I got married, my husband and I decided on a small wedding, just 25 people. My step daughter was my maid of honor and my mother was a bride's maid. My husband's his two best friends were grooms men. He was shocked at how adamant I was that everyone would just wear what they wanted. No one was to buy anything or be told to buy anything. One of the groomsmen wore jeans. It was a wonderful, beautiful ceremony. Everyone that came got to hear the story of why I insisted on no one was to purchase anything. That orange dress that I was forced to purchase for my brother and sister-in-laws wedding was the only article of clothing left in my closet when the apartment building I was living in burnt down. My favorite jeans burnt up, but a polyester dress in a plastic dry cleaning bag survived. Unharmed! That is why I call it the Satanic Brides Maid Dress. It must have gone home to Hell for a Wedding during the fire and then came back just in time for the fire fighters to pick it from the charred floor of the closet the next day and exclaim "What the Hell?!".   Bridesmaids0415-2

My friend "L" got married to her wonderful fiancé "J". We had been good friends while I was in college and out and I was honored to be in her wedding. It was a gorgeous affair in a great location. I had even spent the night at her parents house with her the night before and helped her get ready in the morning. I was treated wonderfully by her family as well. So the ceremony goes great and we go to the reception. I'm at the head table and there are lots of bottles of champagne. Yep with a little help from the groomsman next to me I get very very drunk. We're talking can't- stand -up- falling- all- over -the -place -eventually -putting -my -head -down -on- the- head- table- and -passing-out drunk. The other bridesmaids put a "kick me I'm drunk" sign on my back and the video guys gets it all. Ahh nothing like thanking a good friend and her family by making a complete ass out of yourself. I think they forgave me as she and her mother came to my wedding many years later, but I still feel horrible about it. As a side note. One of the groomsmen in the wedding turned out to be a serial killer of gay men in our state. He buried the bodies in his yard and killed himself when people found out. Maybe I wasn't the worst member of the wedding party after all. :-)     bridesmaids0508-02

A few years ago I worked with a girl named "Jamie". I say girl, because she was all of about 18 years old. As she was very new at the job, I was training her. After not too long, "Jamie" and her boyfriend got engaged, and she asked me to be her Maid of Honor. I was a little surprised, but knowing that she was new to the area, and had not made too many friends, I agreed. After two trips to the bridal store of her choice (I drove, 45 minutes each way, after work, so it was in rush hour traffic around a major city), she decided to demote me to bridesmaid because "I wasn't doing enough to help her". Other than being her taxi to the bridal shop, she had never asked me to help!

So, now another acquaintance (the wife of another co-worker) is the MOH. Next thing, "Jamie" she decides she needs one more BM, so she asks another co-worker,"Linda" whom she barely knows to be the other BM. "Linda" and "Jamie" can barely stand to be in the same room! Exact quote from "Jamie" to "Linda": "Well, I need another bridesmaid, so I guess you're it". "Linda" managed to tactfully decline.     Bridesmaids0508-02

Last summer, about 6 weeks before she got married, my friend "Jane" asked me to be in her wedding party, as she couldn't rely on her MOH to do anything and was afraid of getting stuck. I was thrilled and because her husband "John" was in our wedding party already, I asked if she would return the favor and be in our wedding.

The next several weeks flew by, and I met the other girls in the wedding, and they chose the dress we were going to wear, with absolutely no input from me, and basically pretended I didn't exist on the dress buying expedition. They picked out a dress that looked hideous on all 3 of us and cost nearly 200 dollars, but because it was not my wedding and the bride seemed happy, I just bit my tongue and went along with it.

When it came time to purchase the dresses for my wedding, I told all 3 of my girls that I didn't care what dress they chose, so long as they could come to a mutual decision and they were all happy with it. We went shopping and they tried on dresses and chose a dress that was flattering to them all (all 3 of my bridesmaids have completely different body types, so this was a chore!) and it was not terribly expensive either.

About a month later, we met Jane and John for lunch, and the first thing out of John's mouth when we sat down to eat was, "Well, I guess you got finally your payback with the bridesmaid dress after what Jane made you wear!" I was shocked. Jane stammered out something about how much she didn't hate the dress, but I could tell she hates it. I still can't figure out how she went along with it, knowing that I didn't really care too much what they wore!

Bridesmaids0328-02

I planned my wedding to be a small, simple affair. It was my second marriage and I had children so I didn't think a big, extravagant wedding would be appropriate in our case. We planned to have only one attendant each.

I had known Donna for a couple of years. Both of us were divorced mothers and we had gone through quite a few ups and downs together. I asked her to be my attendant and even offered to buy her dress because I knew she couldn't afford this.

Let me add that Donna, a former beauty queen, weighs over 200 pounds and wears a size 24.
We planned an autumn, outdoor wedding with an old-fashioned feel. I bought a tea length, off-white Jessica McClintock dress and hoped we could find Donna something that would coordinate. I wanted her to find something in forest green but told her I would let her choose the style. Although it was unspoken, we understood this was because I didn't want to put her into something which would be unflattering to her size. I wanted her to have a flattering dress she would be able to wear again.........not necessarily a traditional bridesmaid dress.

Donna selected an extremely low cut dress and mentioned several times she had never worn green. The dress had to be ordered from a catalog because her size was not in stock. Meanwhile, she suggested her daughter ought to have a new dress as well since she was going to have a small part in the wedding.....handing out favors.

We did a little shopping here and there but never found a dress we could agree upon for her daughter. She wanted to put her 11 year old into some kind of a little sexpot outfit and I wasn't going to compromise in that area. Finally her dress came in and she went for a fitting on her lunch hour. I wasn't able to join her but I asked her to call me and let me know how it went.
Donna was not happy with the dress she had selected. She said it was too big and didn't think the alterations people would be able to fix it. She was practically in tears. Meanwhile, she was talking about needing me to buy her shoes and jewelry to match the dress. I had been getting pretty tired of the entire situation but I called the dress shop to see what the problem was with the dress. The shop's owner got on the phone with me and said she had never seen such behavior out of an attendant.

Apparently Donna was not happy with the way the dress hung on her, and felt like it should have been ordered in a smaller size. The dress, according to the shop owner was so low cut you could see her nipples but this didn't seem to bother her. She felt like it made her "look fat."
I called Donna that night and explained that dress would have to work. I had already paid a nonrefundable deposit on it and I wasn't going to put money into another dress. She didn't sound happy but I didn't care by that point. She went on to talk about finding the perfect dress for her daughter and said she was holding it at a store across town. I told her I wouldn't be able to go look at it until the next week.

At that point Donna made some huffy sounds and told me clearly that she was tired of going through all this sacrifice for my wedding and that she didn't want to be a part of it. Although I was mad because I was now stuck with a size 24 taffeta dress I was a little relieved.
Let me also mention that Donna didn't offer to do a shower for me. She laughed when I suggested she help me make wedding favors and flat out refused to help address wedding invitation.

I asked a friend from work to step in and be my bridesmaid. She and I found a dress off the rack at Sears that worked beautifully. Her mother actually made my wedding cake for $50, and she had a lovely shower for me. I had a beautiful wedding and am still happily married to my wonderful husband.

I ended up having to pay the balance on the dress. We toyed with the idea of making it into a tent for the wedding but I managed to sell it and recoup some of my loss.
Donna and I have not spoken since.  Bridesmaids0331-02

As I prepare for my wedding next week, I have been enjoying your website and am grateful I have not had any rotten experiences. My sister, however, experienced a problem (that apparently is not as uncommon as I thought, after reading your website) at her wedding. Michelle had a very small chapel wedding, with only immediate family and a few close friends. Her Maid of Honor was her best friend, Denise. Denise wanted to wear a white dress to the wedding! Michelle was upset and troubled by her best friend's faux pas, and politely asked her to choose another dress, as she--the bride--would be wearing white. Denise actually argued with her about it!! Finally, Michelle had the gumption to tell her that she could NOT wear a white dress if she wished to participate in the wedding. Denise finally backed off, and instead showed up in a spaghetti strap, dark green, full-length VELVET dress for this mid-July, 97 degree day wedding!! Who knows what goes on in some people's minds!!   Bridesmaids0530-02

I'm not sure that this story is as worth as the ones I've been reading on this site, but I thought I'd share it anyway. I did add some background as to how things led up to the point of the actual wedding, I hope that's okay.

One of my best friends in high school was a guy we'll call "Conner". Conner and I could talk about anything and everything and were as close as two friends could be. After high school Conner went into the military and at some point asked me to marry him. Though we were close, as I said, for me there was no 'spark', that little something that takes the friendship to the next level of marriage, so I said no. We still remained close friends despite my not wanting to marry him, which I was glad of.

Before Conner had popped the question, a mutual friend of Conner's and mine from high school, "Gerry", had asked me to go out with him. Being young and not wanting to cause problems between two of my best friends, I said no.

Fastforward to 5 years later, after the popping of the question and all. Conner has been dating this girl, "Tori", (who was the sister of a friend of his from the military), and Gerry and I have begun dating after all, with Conner's blessings. Conner and Tori were married in her hometown, 3000 miles away, but lived in his hometown when he was discharged from the military.

Before the wedding Conner brings Tori home to meet his family and friends. Tori seems very nice and the type of girl Conner needs, so of course we're happy for him. However, the first chance Tori gets alone with me, she informs me that she's not sure she wants me anywhere around Conner, because I might 'steal' him away from her. It seems Conner told her he'd asked me to marry him and that we were close friends. I politely told Tori she had nothing to worry about, that yes, Conner was one of my best friends, but that if I'd wanted to marry him, I would have said yes in the first place. This seemed to placate Tori some, but not completely.

Not too much longer after Conner and Tori were married Gerry and I became engaged and began planning our wedding. Because Conner was to be Gerry's bestman, I asked Tori to be one of my bridesmaids.

>From the time I asked her Tori began telling me what she would and wouldn't wear; the colors she thought I should have; why I couldn't have the colors I wanted, (she didn't look good in them); why I couldn't have the flowers I wanted; why I shouldn't have the dress the way I had it and on and on and on.

Thankfully one of the groomsmen had to drop out of the wedding before too many plans were put into motion. Rather than replace the groomsman, Gerry agreed to just go with the bestman and one groomsman. This way I could let Tori know that she wouldn't be a bridesmaid after all. Since no dresses or anything had been purchased, no money was lost. I did feel badly though because I didn't really want to hurt Tori, I just didn't want her telling me what to do. She'd already criticized the bridal shower and everything else, but I still wanted her to feel like she had a part in something. Since we had all the music for the wedding on tape, I asked Tori if she'd mind being in charge of starting and stopping the tape at the appropriate times during the wedding. Tori readily agreed, but then over the course of planning kept trying to change the music that would be played, how it was to be played, etc., etc., etc. I finally had had enough and told her that it was either my way or not at all and she thankfully was quiet about it after that; at least to me. I guess Conner heard about it all the time after that.

The wedding did go off without a hitch and the music was played as planned and all was well. Unfortunately, not too long after Gerry and I were married, Tori convinced Conner to move the 3000 miles away to her hometown. It's now been 15 years since I've heard from either of them.

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I was a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding about two years ago. Her husband had gotten stuck asking this band mate to be a groomsman because the original person he asked had a family event come up on the same day. This guy thought he was the hottest thing around, but he was a real jerk. (A high school drop out who couldn't hold down a job, and to be honest, really wasn't much to look at) I got stuck being "escorted" by this groomsman. At the rehearsal dinner, he got really smashed and proceeded to try to initiate a burping contest. He also kept telling all the guys what "ugly cows" the bridesmaids all were and how we all wanted him but he'd never be that desperate. He also made rude comments about my cousin to her husband and what a "sucker" he was for getting married. The next day, at the wedding, he showed up to the ceremony really hung over. He kept making making rude comments to the other groomsmen within earshot about the wedding, making fun of the music, the bride's dress, and pretty much everything else during the ceremony. As he escorted me back down the aisle, he practically pulled me over trying to race ahead of me. (Like I was thrilled about being stuck with him) and during the pictures, he kept singing "somebody get me away from this girl."     bridesmaids0521-02

Hi, found this site & loved reading all the stories. My wedding was only a few weeks away when I found this site & I already knew I would submit my story of my Maid of Honor from Hell.

I have known "Sandy" for 5 years & we've been the best of friends. However, she's gotten very, very religious the past 2 years. So much so that her boyfriend broke up with her. So I know that a lot of her problems with my wedding stem from jealousy. That didn't make taking her attitude any easier.

When I called her with our good news, her very first sentence was "I thought I'D be married for 10 years before you two ever got married!" No congratulations at all. When I asked her to be my MOH, she jumped at it, but said that "I have no intention of going out with the Best Man." That was a good, since my husband's best man is also a married man. Finding out the Best Man was married disappointed her. Why, since she didn't want to go out with him? I still don't know.

>From the start I know I made Sandy mad because I got my dress w/o her being with me. My personal attendant & I went to a shop that was having a 1/2 price sale one day only for 6 hours & that day Sandy had to work a 12 hour shift. I got the very first one I tried on, for only $200.

Next was the dresses for the bridesmaids. Oh, did we have fun!

In that same first conversation when I told her of our engagement, she informed me that she "would NOT wear any dress that is strapless, backless, low cut or has spaghetti straps." Since my teenaged niece was also going to be a bridesmaid, I had no plans of anything like that for any of the ladies to wear. It had to be something that would nice on my niece as well as Sandy & my future sister-in-law, Natalie. Sandy & Natalie are in their early 40's, so with a teenager & 2 40 y/o's, finding a dress was going to be interesting.

Sandy was really getting snotty about the dresses. She didn't like any I'd picked out. Finally my niece, Amber told her "it's not your wedding it's Tali's, so just knock it off. We'll find something." Bless her little heart! And we did! It was acceptable to ALL members of the bridal party. A very plain, sleeveless long lavender dress with a neckline cut at the base of the neck. Perfect, especially with the necklaces I got the ladies for a gift.

Well, when it came to flowers, I had my own ideas to what I wanted & I wasn't going to have Sandy tell me otherwise.

She wanted lots of lavish (real) flowers all over the church & the reception hall. She also wanted a real bouquet & a fake one "to keep." NO! My wedding, my call. I found irises at a discount place (50 cents apiece) & the lady that did the flowers dolled them up with a small sized lavender rose & a tiny white rose & lots of ribbon. They turned out gorgeous! But Sandy thought it looked awful that my bouquet was so much bigger than theirs, & my was white & lavender roses with white lilacs & all they had was "just this big iris with 2 small roses." I heard more compliments on all the flowers, but especially that the bridesmaids were so "elegant looking with the simple dresses." Sandy also thought that all the corsages we had for the other ladies & the men's boutonnieres were nicer looking than her flowers.

Sandy was all wound up about all the details. When I didn't have the cake ordered by February (we got married in May), she was in a panic. When we didn't get our wedding rings until the end of March, she was in a panic. When I had my last fitting in April, she was in a panic. She came right out & said that "I'm so nervous about the wedding, you'd think I'M THE BRIDE!" Which is what she wanted to be.

In the middle of February, Sandy called & said she just learned that as MOH it's her responsibility to throw me a shower. Now this woman has been in at least a dozen weddings, 3 times as MOH, so how come she never knew she should throw a shower? I said "well yeah, you're supposed to. If you want to co-host one with Sharon (my personal attendant), I'll give you her number & you two can work out the details." That's when the MOH from Hell hit one of her lowest points. She had the audacity to say "Well, you don't REALLY want one, DO YOU?" Geez, with that attitude, no, I guess I really didn't. (But yes, I did. Just not with Sandy having anything to do with it.)

My hubby's family threw us a couples shower in April & Sandy didn't attend that. Since nobody else in the wedding party knows her & my hubby's family doesn't either, that sure didn't help any impression they formed of her. It also pissed her off that they'd have a shower for us on a Sunday.

Next Sandy started getting all concerned about her face & hair. She had all sorts of ideas for styles & makeup. When she said to my face that "everyone will be looking at ME that day" she hit another low point. LOOK AT HER THAT DAY? Who's wedding was this? By then I was really fed up with her & I told her that the ONLY time everyone would be looking at her was when she went up the aisle & half of them would be looking beyond her to see me. Shut her up for a few days.

About a week before the wedding I decided to have my hair done. It's short, one length, & very fine. I was only going to curl the bottoms under, but my husband said that it's our special day, go have it done. When I told Sandy I was going to have it done, she about had a fit! "Why do YOU want to get your hair done?! You know that everyone will be looking at ME!" Yep, she said that again. I told her that I was the one getting married & that everyone would be looking at ME, the bride, NOT the MOH.

Rehearsal went OK, with Sandy only saying a dumb thing to Natalie. Natalie put her in her place, double-time! "This is Tali & Wyatt's wedding, NOT YOURS! Now just shut up & act like an adult." She also didn't like the fact that she had to adjust my train. "You have a personal attendant to do that." Not at the altar, the minister said. That's the MOH's job at the altar. (Then at the ceremony, she made damn sure she threw it up as high as she could & left it fall where it did.)

Wedding day: I get to the church & Sandy is already there. So is Sharon, my PA. I didn't see Sandy, so I went to the Bride's Room to get ready. I am in my underslip & bra when Sandy knocks on the door saying "I need to get zipped up." I called out that I was half naked & she repeated that she needed to get zipped. I said, with full exasperation in my voice: "I am half naked, Sandy. There are only two people that are going to see me this way today & you're not one of them." She got mad & left, thank you very much.

When she was finally allowed in the bride's room, she went to the full length mirror & wouldn't give it up. Natalie told her to "move your backside or lose it, Tali needs it now. She IS the BRIDE, REMEMBER?" Bless Natalie!

The ceremony came off good except for one thing. Amber started to cry during the solo. I had a few tissues tucked up my sleeve, so I was trying to discretely pass one to her. Old Sandy had to get in the act: she made quite a show of ripping out of my hand & trying to dry Amber's tears herself. Amber gave Sandy a look that wasn't very nice, took the tissue & smiled at me.

Sandy didn't make an fool out of herself at the reception. In fact she was pretty quiet. I think it finally dawned on her that she WASN'T the star of the show.

The dance was until midnight. At 10:20, Sandy decided she had enough & left. She said that "my feet hurt a lot." Sandy was leaving for a 2 week vacation the following Monday & still hadn't packed. It really looked like hell, my MOH leaving so early. She never did congratulate either myself or Wyatt.

If I had know how Sandy would get about my wedding & being my MOH, I would've asked Natalie to be my MOH instead & had Sharon, my PA be a bridesmaid & MAYBE had Sandy be my PA. Maybe.

She didn't come to the house the next day when we opened gifts, either. I was surprised we got a gift from her, considering the way she's acted since we first announced our engagement.

I haven't heard from her since. Bridesmaids0529-02

Hello, I read your site all the time and its a riot! My story starts when I got engaged to my wonderful husband. My family was thrilled to hear the happy news. As we started planning the wedding and who we were going to ask to stand up for us, I came to the conclusion that I would ask my only sister who is 14 months older than me. Even though we never really got along, I thought I would extend the olive branch and ask her to stand up in my wedding. After all, she was my only sister and I was too happy to think about all the rough times we had had in the past. Move along a couple months and the wedding plans were coming along quite nicely until one night my sister called in tears saying that her good friend that she has known for years is getting married the same day as I, and could I please move the time of the wedding up an hour so she can be in both. Mind you my wedding was in Illinois, where I was living, and the friend of my sisters was in Michigan in our hometown. Remember that there is an hour difference, plus the 3 hour drive, plus the construction, that not including getting ready, doing hair, going through the rehearsal etc... I thought about this, consulted some of my friends and family for advice, and came to the conclusion that there was just no way that she could be in both, even if I were to have moved the time up an hour. One thing leads to another and we are both crying and I told her to choose between her only sister, or her friend. Needless to say, I ended up calling a good friend of mine to ask if she would do me the honor of standing up in my wedding. Just goes to show that you can't choose your relatives.

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We recently got married and of course our bridal party consisted of my friends and my husband's friends. One friend of my husband's I cannot stand, on a regular day, but he has known my husband for over 15 years so he asked him to be in the wedding. As the groomsmen were planning the stag for my husband this particular "friend" was always busy so plans went on without him. He was given tickets to sell and surrender the money the night of the stag Excuuuse me?  which was supposed to be a surprise. This groomsman proceeds to call my soon to be husband a few days before the "surprise" stag to say that having it on a Friday night is stupid and now he has to take time off work to go to it. My soon to be husband asked me if there was a stag on Friday for him and I asked how he knew. Oh, Goofy told me. Needless to say, I was fuming. Fast forward to the stag. This goof arrives to the stag about 10 minutes before my soon to be husband was to be there, with money for 2 tickets. He sold only 1 ticket as he was gracious enough to buy one himself!!! Fast even more forward. The wedding. The best day of my life. It actually went off without a hitch until the reception. I am having my very emotional dance with my dad with tears in my eyes when. . . . this GOOF runs into the hall to say that a particular hockey team just won a game. He yells and jumps right into the dance hall. I stare at this goof until he goes to his seat. The rest of the bridal party and the guests look appalled but no one says anything. Needless to say, I continued the dance and did not speak to this goof at all the rest of the night. He left early anyway, his drunk girlfriend was "tired." We have not spoken to him since either. Too bad he's in our pictures.  Bridesmaids1218-02

hehehehe....people who use a wedding event as a fundraiser deserve the friends they get.

Here is my wedding etiquette tale of hell. I had a best friend of 13 years, I'll call her "Moe". We had been friends through thick and thin since junior high, and I had been the maid of honor at her wedding. About a year before I got married, she developed a huge disdain for the area that we lived, in the Southeast, and moved to Oregon. When I asked her to be in my wedding, she asked if I could pay for her transportation and for her dress. I told her that we could not, but that if she could not afford it, I would certainly understand. She complained to me about the cost of the wedding everytime I talked to her up until the wedding, and even complained about the "ugly bridesmaid dress" that I had picked out. Then, on the day before the wedding, she told me that she had never gotten the shoes that I picked out because she didn't want to pay for anything else. I frantically called around and got the local wedding shop that I had worked with to find the shoes in her size and dye them to match the dress, but said that they might not be dry by the morning. The wedding was at noon, and my aunt brought a few pairs of her shoes for "Moe" to try on, since all that she had brought with her were athletic shoes. Someone called the bridal shop and found out that the shoes were ready, but "Moe" refused to go and get them, saying that she didn't know how to get anywhere in our town (she had lived there for 20 years, and the shop was two blocks from her mother's house.) Another call and the shop agreed to deliver the shoes to the wedding personally. And, we ended up paying for them. "Moe" then spent the wedding reception telling everyone who would listen how much she had spent to come to the wedding and about how she would never, ever return to this town again. Everyone was glad!     Bridesmaids1209-02

When my (now) husband proposed, I remembered reading something once about weddings being a chance not only to look forward to your future together, but to also look back on your past. So, when I was choosing my bridesmaids, I asked my best friend from school, "Sally," to be a part of the party. At school, we had been opposites (whereas I was studious, she dropped out of school, and did a lot of partying, our families were VERY different, etc), but we had always been close. After leaving school, I had moved away to pursue tertiary education, but we had still written/phoned/visited reasonably regularly, so I didn't think that there would be any problems.

Once the wedding began to be planned in earnest, however, problems started to show themselves. I had decided on a very traditional wedding, and the dresses were being made by a well-known dress-maker - you know the sort of place - classical music, expensive furniture, refined sales-people. Anyway, on one trip for fittings, Sally had had a couple of drinks before we got there. While trying on her dress, she started giggling, and swearing, which was a bit embarrassing in such a setting, but I thought that perhaps she was a bit nervous, so thought not much more of it.

However, perhaps I should have - for most of the reception, she had three drinks on the go at once, and tried hitting on two of the groomsmen, despite the fact that she is very attached, and one of the groomsmen was my 16 year old brother! Apparently, after we left, she was so drunk that my new mother-in-law had to hold her up, and she ripped her dress after crawling in it ... I have some wonderful memories of our friendship, but this is NOT a highlight!
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When I married my now ex-husband, he had 4 brothers and 8 sisters. As my family was not quite as large, and to keep costs down for my parents, I could not possibly have all of them in the wedding, so I only had the sister I was closest to. I guess that was the first strike against me. But I was determined to do good by my choices for bridemaids dresses. I found absolutely gorgeous muted floral print gowns at a small shop - they were prom dresses and they had one in every size I needed. None of them had to be altered! And because prom season was over, they were severely discounted to a whopping $12.00 (this was in 1983). What could be better? I had the girls pick out whatever shoes they would be comfortable in, and wear their hair in whatever style they wanted. I tried to make things so easy. But, the headpieces I had made to match the dresses cost $15.00. Can you believe the "outrageous" cost of the headpieces almost caused a war? That should have been my clue. The marriage lasted 7 years.

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The wedding day itself was hell but as for etiquette there were some doozies. The grooms mother refused to be seated by an usher stating she didn't feel like it. The groomsmen and bridesmaids left directly after the ceremony foregoing pictures without asking the groom or myself. Seems the one usher and bridesmaid decided to test out our honeymoon room between the ceremony and reception.

Other improper etiquette included the hall stealing our cookies and my new mother-in-law collapsing and insisting the groom go with her to the hospital and leaving me at the ceremony (lucky for him he didn't.)   Bridesmaids1011-02

This is a short story, but it still gets me steamed. When I got engaged, I asked my roommate and best friend (we’ll call him "Tim") from college (I was just finishing Senior year) to be my best man, and some other friends and my brother-in-law as groomsman. The wedding was only 6 months after our engagement, so things were pretty hectic, yet I didn’t have to work that summer, so I could concentrate on planning (the wedding was in my town, not my wife’s, so much of the footwork was done by me and my mother).

Considering the short timeline, things went smoothly and everything was falling into place. Except for one thing: I hadn’t heard from my best man. Tim was an engineer like me, but his grades were poor from a lack of enthusiasm which also came across to prospective employers. He had not gotten a second interview, let alone a job offer the last I had heard, but I could not get hold of him at his parents in another part of the country. Finally, I heard from Tim, by mail, about a month before the wedding. In the letter, he informed me, in rather formal tones (not the sort of familiar tone one expects from a friend) that he would not be available for the wedding. His excuse was that he would be going to California about then to better look for a job (not that there was anything special about that date for job-hunting), and could not (*would* not is more like it) take the time to attend, end of discussion. I was appalled that he did this to me so late, and did it with a virtual form letter rather than talk to me directly!

I was able to ask my grandfather to be my best man, which worked out nicely, for the most part, as he helped me do things like get the priest paid after the wedding or get our transportation to the reception. One thing that did not happen was any kind of bachelor party. My grandfather was not about to do something like that, and my other friends (who drove across country to be in the wedding) did not think I would want one (I never was much of a drinker, by their standards), though they never asked. Since my fiancée was staying at the same hotel they were (I was at my own home), they took HER out the night before the wedding to a bunch of bars in a trendy part of downtown – they didn’t even call to see if I was interested.

The wedding and reception were very nice in the end, but I have only seen Tim once in the 15 years since then (I never complained to him or anyone he knew about this). Even that was only because I took the initiative to look him up and drive to the city where he worked (he never found a job on that trip – he killed some time taking graduate courses for a semester instead). Bridesmaids1011-02

This is a story about a bridesmaid. I was in graduate school and one of my best friends was getting married. There were two other bridesmaids. The bride, another bridesmaid, and I were all in school and we were struggling financially. The third bridesmaid "Chloe" worked with the bride and I had known her for a long time. We all knew Chloe was a free spirit and did her own thing but we all thought that was charming. We had thought about having a weekend beach trip, just the bride and bridesmaids, a couple of months before the wedding. After the idea came up, Chloe (according to the bride) volunteered her (well-off) Dad's rental condo in a nice complex, right on the water. We went for it as we all understood clearly that it would be free or close to it (I expected to maybe pay a cleaning bill).

Once we arrived, Chloe, who had spent much time in the area, looked up a local friend and was actually gone doing stuff with her a good bit of our trip, which was annoying. I knew the friend slightly but no one else did, so that was awkward. BUT the day we left, Chloe went down to the front desk to return the keys, etc, and returns with....a bill for our stay. Which we were to divide. I think we may have gotten a discount but it was a shock to all of us. I had to lend money to the other bridesmaid. AND...when we get in the car, silently seething, Chloe chirps up and says "The receptionist said 'you know your dad would have let you stay here for free', but I said that I wanted to demonstrate my independence so I paid". GRRR....

The bride later apologized to all of us and reiterated that she had clearly understood the invitation to use the condo as a freebie. If she had known we were going to pay, she would have picked somewhere less expensive. By the wedding, my friend would barely speak to her and later told me that she would have like to have stripped her of bridesmaid status and disinvited her, but felt that would have been rude. (The BRIDE, BTW was perfect even after this incident...gracious, appreciative, her mom paid for the dresses which we could wear later, hosted a nice bridesmaid's luncheon.....) bridesmaid1009-02

Okay, so my FSiL has this friend whom I really don't like (we'll call her Rachel). FSiL literally worships the ground on which this girl walks, and I really, really, really do NOT like her; she just REALLY rubs me the wrong way, ya know? So anyway, during the coarse of planning, FSiL (who is NOT my MoH, but is a bridesmaid) informs me that she is, in fact, taking on the duties of planning my bachelorette party. It'll consist of her, three of her friends, Rachel, and my MoH. Eh, whatever, I was not thrilled but I'm not going to rock the boat. Again, whatever.

Well a few days later, FSiL calls me and says that well, oops, a few nights ago she got a little drunk, and she informed Rachel that she too was a bridesmaid, and they went and tried on the dresses and they found this girl's size so everything is cool. Excuse me? As delicately as I could, I explained that I appreciate that this girl is FSiL's friend, and that's cool, but she's not MY friend, and I really don't want her as a bridesmaid. Well needless to say, FSiL got in a huff, and was furious with me and began crying!!!!!!!! She hung up on me, and I wasn't able to get hold of her for the rest of the day. GRRRRRRRR!!!!

So that night FH and I had dinner with FFiL and FSiL, and I addressed the issue in private (i.e. I cornered her in her bedroom). I expressed that this was not exactly a venial mistake, and that I appreciate that she really likes this girl, but I really don't want to have her as a bridesmaid. FSiL sort of laughed, thinking I was kidding (did I mention if a thought WERE to creep into her head it would die of lonliness?!), and just said everything would be great!! Still keeping my cool, I explained she was missing my point, and that she needs to explain to her friend that she is, in fact, NOT in the wedding party. FSiL flew off the handle and started getting very offended and angry, saying she didn't understand why I hate her friend, etc. At the sound of FSiL screaming like a banshee, FFiL AND FH came to investigate and ended up taking my side 10 fold. FFiL point blank told FSiL that it was a pigheaded thing to do and that she needed to call her friend A.S.A.P. Well FSiL, still too hurt and angry to respond, stormed out of the house and said that if I had a problem with her friend, I could deal with it.

So yes, I called this girl that very night and explained what was up. She actually had the audacity to try and guilt my into letting her be in the bp; "I'm sorry, I'm just SOO excited for you guys, and I really want to be part of this day..." Uh-huh. "But I REALLY loved that dress..." Ya know, I wish I cared. Anyway, I was being as cordial and polite as I could be under the circumstances, but she was still 'hurt' after the conversation. I think I would feel bad if I had been the cause for this situation but since I'm not, I don't. It was/is still up for debate whether or not FSiL will be in the wedding or not.   Bridesmaids1003-02

In return for your site's normalizing some of my family experiences, I'm sharing my story of my confused and clueless sister. My love and I decided to marry in July of 2000. This was a subsequent marriage for me, but the first for my now-husband. We didn't want to do the "white lace and frosting" type of wedding, but we did want to celebrate our union. We are both active in Renaissance and Medieval history/reenactment, so we chose a Renaissance style wedding.

Relationships within my family are somewhat painful due to the too-usual history of alcoholics and subsequent dysfunctions. (I often quip that they take all the FUN out of dysFUNction.) The one person with whom I had any connection at all was my sister, and that was tenuous at best. Still and all, I was getting married, and wanted SOME family there, so I asked her to be my MOH. I suppose I should have realized something was amiss when I made some suggestions for garb rental (no sense in purchasing an outfit about 300 years out of date!). She put me off quite a bit, then told me she'd already been shopping for an outfit with some friend of hers whom I'd never even met! She hadn't found anything, but when I tried to give her ideas and web sites, she informed me she'd chosen a gown from a decidedly different time period. At that point, in an effort to just make sure she was coming, I acquiesced to the gown -- even though, in addition to being historically jarring was also a bright red in color.

A month before the wedding, I inquired as to whether she'd yet received her dress. She hadn't even ORDERED it from the on-line company! Then, three days before the wedding, she informed me that they did not have the dress in her size (no kidding?) but that they were going to give her a nicer dress, much nicer, in fact, but the only color they had in her size was (you guessed it) WHITE. Now, in Renaissance times, brides did not wear white. The color I chose for my dress was BLUE. When I expressed concern and upset with her over her choice of dress and color (I went to the site -- she had ordered a white bridal gown!), she got angry with ME! Refused to discuss the matter, despite my efforts to remain calm and work it out (I was THAT desperate to have family there). Well, no one should be THAT desperate. I realized I'd allowed her to bully me around the whole time I was planning my wedding, and enough was enough. I left her a voice mail telling her that she was obviously conflicted about standing up to the wedding, and that I would help her out by relieving her of the onerous duty. Blessedly, my dear friend who was driving all the way to Chicago from the east coast graciously and delightedly agreed to stand up for me, and the wedding celebration was beautiful, meaningful, and ever-so-much nicer than if my very mean sibling had been in attendance.
Bridesmaids0927-02

Where to start? When my husband and I got married we were living next door to his brother "Bill" and Bill's live-in girlfriend "Tonya". We spent a great deal of time with them because Bill and my husband were so close. When the time came to choose our wedding party I had no hesitation at choosing MY brother's wife (my sister-in-law) "Julie" to be my maid of honor. After growing up with all brothers, she was just like my real sister and she was my best friend. We ended up with a rather large wedding party, as we wanted everyone we cared about to be involved in some way. We asked Bill and Tonya to be an usher and bridesmaid and I thought all was well.

At my bridal shower, the bridesmaids played the game with me where one of them wrote down everything I said while opening gifts and read it aloud to the guests under the title "what the bride will say on her wedding night" Tonya had written down things (insults, actually) about my husband-to-be that I had never even said. My dear MOH Julie was kind enough to leave out what she could when she read it aloud, all the while looking at me like SHE knew I hadn't said those things.

Fast forward to the wedding. We were married at 1 in the afternoon and the reception was hors d'ouvres while the wedding party was getting pictures done, an early supper, a DJ for a couple hours, then a band until the wee hours with a lunch around 9pm. Before the band came on the whole wedding party left to change into more comfortable (but what I thought was understood to be still dressy) attire. In walks Tonya wearing a pair of skin tight cut-off denim shorts with her thighs spilling out of them and a skin tight KISS concert T-shirt with the sleeves cut off. There was a party going on down the street from the reception hall and Tonya and Bill decided that they would go to this party instead for a good part of the evening. Never the less my new husband and I and the rest of our guests had an absolute blast despite the raised eyebrows at Tonya's choice of wardrobe. I later learned that she was upset because she thought that she should have been the maid of honor.

Fast forward to Tonya and Bill's wedding. My husband was asked to be an usher and Tonya had for bridesmaids the sister that she claimed she hated and two of her friends that she hardly spoke to (who didn't even stay for the reception). Since it was a Catholic wedding she decided to choose two people to do readings from the Bible during the ceremony. She chose one of Bill's sisters-in law (who she also swears that she absolutely can't stand) to do a reading and one of Bill's aunts. I wasn't upset at not being involved, I hadn't really expected to be anyway.

The kicker was when Tonya walked up to me at her reception in front of a large group of people (who noticed that I had obviously been excluded) and said "I was going to ask you to be a part of this but I figured you'd say no anyway" I looked at her and said, "You're right, I would have definitely said no" Maybe that makes me the "guest from hell" but it was nice to get that little dig in. Tact is something that Tonya has NEVER been famous for. They say there's one in every family, well according to family opinion (not just mine) Tonya is ours. An interesting side note... for Tonya's reception "going away" outfit she chose a black spaghetti strap dress, no bra and the dress was completely backless so everyone could see the umm, "backflab" she "thought" she didn't have. Bridesmaids0925-02

I just got married a few days ago... and after the experience I would never want to do anything like that again.

To begin with my one relative ( Miff we will call her) went with me to look at bridesmaids gowns. She found the one SHE loved.... however it was not one of the best gowns for the wedding.... look like a barmaid gown from the middle ages ... anyway I figure I would go with the perfect gown for the girls(who are very good looking but different shapes). They where the two piece mix and match gowns. I figure the girls could get the gowns most comfortable for them... Miff who had gone with all the bridesmaids and myself to the store the second time put on the dress she wanted and showed it off for the girls who did not like it (I am being kind). The girls liked the gowns I picked so Miff sat in a chair and did not move out of it or take the gown off until it was time to leave. Basically she made it known she would not be in the wedding unless she had her gown.

Thirty days before my wedding my uncle passed away of cancer. NOW PLEASE DO NOT GET ME WRONG I KNOW HOW TERRIBLE THAT ILLNESS IS AND I WATCHED BOTH MY GRANDPARENTS PASS AWAY FROM THAT ILLNESS BUT I have to say his passing 30 days before the wedding just gave me a bad feeling not to mention made me feel terrible because my uncle was the father of Miff and her sister (who stayed in my wedding) and I felt like a jerk not respecting their father or something but they kept telling me he would want the wedding to go forward..... Now that was painful enough without his then wife making his funeral VERY difficult for his daughters and ex-wife.... she basically tried to erase Miff and her sister from his life.... She gave NO acknowledgement to them during that time...(That's another story and I won't get started.)

23 days before the wedding the tux shop informed us that two of my husband's groomsmen have not gotten fitted. Namely the best man (whom I will call H). Husband called H to remind him about the fitting. H tell husband He does not have time to be in the wedding. He had no intention of letting husband know... (thank god Miff's sister had a boyfriend who gladly stood in during the reception.

Husband's real mother and father (well actually his father ) would not dance together.... and to top it off... (perhaps I'm just making something out of nothing) husband's stepmother shows up to the wedding in a WHITE dress.... My mother said it was a winter white and okay but I just thought no one wore white but the bride (and flower girl). bridesmaids0922-02

I have a story to tell about my wedding last year. I had a large formal wedding with about 200 guests in attendance. I had been at weddings where there was a long waiting period between the ceremony and reception while pictures were made. I wanted to avoid this long waiting period. At some point I mentioned to my bridesmaids that I was going to tell my photographer, who was a bit of a perfectionist, to keep the in-between session short as it was very important to me that I not keep my guests waiting excessively.

The day of the wedding arrives, and while we are getting ready I ask my MOH, my best friend, if she will drive my car from the church to reception since I would be riding in a limo for that trip. She says OK. The wedding goes off beautifully, the photo session seems relatively short, and my new husband and I get into the limo. The driver heads toward the reception hall, and actually takes the long way to allow all guests to get to the hall before us. As soon as I arrive to the reception, MOG approaches me and asks, "Do your bridesmaids have cell phones?" since I was missing 2. All members of the bridal party needed to be present so that we could be announced as we were entering by the MC.

Come to find out (which I figured out intuitively and almost immediately) that my MOH and another bridesmaid (a very good friend) had stopped off at MOH's house just around the corner from the church to partake in, shall we say, an illegal green smokeable substance. Now, I have in the past partaken in said substance, but quit years ago. I have known that some of my fiends still indulge, and truly do not think it is a big deal. I do, however, think is a VERY BIG DEAL to do such a thing at the time that they chose to do it, all the while keeping all 200+ guests waiting.

They arrived a few moments later to see all of us waiting in the foyer and my mother franticly trying to fix my bustle. All eyes were on them and my MOH approached me and asked guiltily, "Are we late?" OK so we all got over that and had a lovely reception. The reception actually just flew by and next thing I know, it's nearly time to leave. I ask my MOH for my keys and she says she's sorry, she forgot to bring my car! I hollered something at her, and she gets another bridesmaid to run her to her house (maybe 2 miles away) to pick up my car. People were slowly trickling out of the reception and others were politely waiting for us to leave so that they could see us off. My other BM came back and said that she thought my MOH was following her in my car, but seemed to have gotten lost. We could wait no longer, since there were at this point very few people left to see us off, so I tossed the bouquet, he tossed the garter, we borrowed his mother's car and we left.

To top it all off she had never even bothered getting my things from the brides room at the church. Like my purse, for example. Luckily, though my stepmother saw my things sitting there and got them for me. Now MOH is still my best friend and I am still trying to get over the fact that she could be so inconsiderate and rude. She recently was telling the story to a friend of hers and laughing about it. Well I'm glad one of us is at the point where we can look back and laugh, but it's not me! Incidentally, this debacle may be partially my fault. Several years ago, my MOH told me how she had been MOH at her cousin's wedding, and had done essentially the same thing! Went out to the parking lot to do this apparently essential thing, then went into the hall to find everyone looking at her and waiting for her. She had told me how embarrassing it was, so it never occurred to me that after having made an fool of herself the first time she would actually do it ever again. So the moral of the story is, if members of your wedding party are potheads, you need to specifically make a plea to them: Please do not stop to smoke a joint between my ceremony and reception!   Bridesmaids0805-02

My husband and I had a beautiful wedding about a year ago. Everything went perfect (believe it or not). The only problem was my friend Angie who was one of my brides maids. Angie had been the one to set us up years ago and both my husband and I were in her wedding before we were even dating. Angie is one of those childhood friends that you have nothing in common with but because you have known each other since grade school you continue to be "friends". In the middle of our reception my best friend who was also my maid of honor approached me and tells me she cannot get into the bridal suite because Angie and her husband Mark have snuck upstairs, locked the door and were having sex in our bridal suite! That being bad enough I later found out the that people sitting at the tables near the stairs to the Suite knew what was going on and from that point on in the reception every time someone from our bridal party or worse yet myself and my new husband went upstairs to our suite to freshen up or get away from the party, people thought they too that were sneaking up to have sex!
Bridesmaids0830-02

First off, I just LOVE your site. I did everything in my power to keep my wedding from ending up on it, but here we are! :)

My wife and I were married a short time ago, and my groomsman (in addition to my best man - a SMALL wedding), being recently separated from his wife, was out to have a good time. The day after the wedding I made it a point to go see my two friends once more before heading off on my honeymoon, as they had traveled so far to attend. I telephoned to let them know my wife and I were on our way, but they seemed anxious to have us meet at my sister's house instead of the hotel. We were just up the street, so I continued on. Apparently the reason they wanted to meet at my sister's was because my sister HAD SPENT THE NIGHT WITH MY GROOMSMAN!! These are my 2 dearest friends of some 15 years, and they both knew of the rifts between my family (ESPECIALLY my sister) and I, because of the OBVIOUS favor they show her. Unabashed by the uncomfortable situation, and ignoring my pleas, my groomsman and sister have continued this relationship and have even scheduled a weekend together! My "friend" accuses me of being the one at fault, saying that I should be happy for him. I have told him that this is causing strain in my family, because I am once again at odds with my parents and sister, and his meddling is not helping matters. I feel that my wedding memories have been tarnished by this incident, but according to my friend and sister, I am the only one who has a problem with this. Are they right?  Bridesmaids1206-02

Yes, you are a control freak who   wants to control friends and family's love lives. Get over it and apologize to friend and sister.  Still love my web site?

First, I will admit that my wedding was not a huge deal, and put together at the last minute. However, when my now husband and I decided on a date (a week away) I called everyone who would be invited (about 10 people) to see if they would be able to make it. A few people had to work, and that was no big deal. I knew this was a definite possibility since it was so last minute. I asked my best friend of seven years (we'll call her "E") to be a witness (essentially the MoH), and she was all excited and happy. A year back, when another friend eloped "E" was quite peeved over the fact that she wasn't informed until it was over. "E" told me she wanted to be invited to my wedding, big or small.

2 days before the wedding, "E" calls me and asks "How important is it if I come?" Uh...slightly? Geez! Turns out, she had some trouble house hunting in another city, and felt the extra day would help her out. Even though she was coming back to town the day after MY wedding for someone else's.

Luckily for me, another girl I didn't know very well drove in (from six hours away!) to take part in my tiny wedding. I am eternally grateful to her, and filled in as a bridesmaid in her wedding a few months later.

"E" hasn't spoken to me since. No congratulations, no card, nothing. Whatever. Bridesmaids0716-02