Etiquette Hell = Where the ill-mannered deserve to go


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Looking for that perfect bridal shower gift? Every bride needs a commonsense guide to the etiquette that really matters.  Let Wedding Etiquette Hell:  A Bride's Bible for Avoiding Everlasting Damnation by Jeanne Hamilton be your guide.

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I have always firmly believed that a couple’s wedding should be about what they want, feel & share together – if that means they get married in a bowling alley, then so be it. Its when Bridezilla shows her ugly head that I stop feeling all sappy, lovey-dovey and prefer to exclude myself from festivities altogether. Recently, my boyfriend’s sister (“Emma”) & cousin (“Lucy”) reared their Bridezilla heads simultaneously:

Their weddings were planned only 5 weeks apart.  Each one claimed she had chosen her date first. No biggie except that wedding party, guests, etc are forced to spend, spend, spend with little relief time in between.

Lucy had her event first…..along with 3 showers, yes, 3 showers. One by her fiancé's family (which her entire family was invited to), one by her family (which I also had to attend), and one @ work. She and I worked together at that time – I didn’t get her anything for that one. Especially since they had a money tree for her.

Lucy also spent about a month refusing to order a German chocolate cake for the groom’s cake, despite the fact that it is fiancé's favorite.  Her reasoning?  “Its ugly and I don’t like it.”

One of the groomsmen in Lucy’s nuptials lived out of state & couldn’t make it at the last minute. Since everyone knows you’ll go to real hell (not just etiquette hell) for having an uneven number in your wedding party, they sucked in Emma’s fiancé as a groomsmen – I believe it was a week or less prior to the wedding.

His sister only had one shower, thank goodness!  However, her FMIL wasn’t exactly helpful during the whole planning process.  I believe one phrase was….”Its not my fault she decided to sell her house in the middle of my wedding planning.  I’ve got piles of laundry to do at home, but that doesn’t stop me from doing what I have to do!”  Fortunately, hers was the only one of the two in which I was a member of the wedding party.  But don’t get excited – her MOH dropped out and she needed a replacement bridesmaid so I was honorably chosen. 

This part isn’t so Bridezilla and isn’t the bride’s fault.  Our dresses are chosen & the deposit put down.  One of the other bridesmaids goes to pick up her dress and is told they all have to be paid for before they can be picked up.  I go to pay for mine & pick it up – the last one to pay.  I told two of the bridesmaids I would get their dresses for them at that time.  Problem is, I got stuck paying all the taxes/fees they charged for holding the dresses and having them delivered from another boutique.  It wasn’t very much more than what the other girls had to pay – but to this day no one has even offered to pay me their share of those fees.


I cannot tell you how grateful I am to the administrator for maintaining this site.  After reading some of the stories here, I feel like I'm not alone in the 'wedding' process.  So here's my story:

Myself and "Lauren" have been friends since the 6th grade.  She was the first friend I made when I moved and our houses backed on to each other.  After drifting apart in middle school we became the best of friends again in high school.  Our main goal was the same: get the hell out of dodge!  We even pledged to be each other's maids of honor at our respective weddings. 

When we went away to separate colleges Lauren and I began to take different paths in life.  I majored in journalism and became politically active while Lauren bounced around majors and took to the party life.  We kept in contact, and when I met, my now fiancé, "Nick's" old high school friend "Mike" I thought "he would be a perfect match for Lauren."  I put the two of them in contact and orchestrated an elaborate New Year's Eve rendezvous for the two of them (which included dealing with a custom's officer when Mike failed to bring the proper identification into the country) at which they became a couple -- long distance.

So, time passes, we graduate from University and Nick and I get engaged.  Even though Lauren and I had drifted apart, and I had second thoughts about honoring the pact we made together I knew she would be hurt if I didn't ask her to be my MOH.  So, how cute is this, Nick and I get married with Lauren and Mike in our wedding party.  Oh, I was in for a shock.

Not wanting to be a 'bridezilla' I let my bridesmaids pick out their own dresses in whatever style they wanted, so long as they were one of two colors.  Lauren picked out a beautiful dress and as she's trying it on tells me that because of her new job she doesn't get any days off -- not even sick days, so she won't be able to take time off for the wedding.  "That's not a problem, I don't want you to risk your job for one day!" I told her.  That was the last I saw or heard from her for a long time.

I tried absolutely everything to get a hold of her.  Her cell phone had been disconnected, her parents didn't have an answering machine and didn't answer the phone, she didn't return my e-mails and no longer showed up as being 'online' on MSN.  I finally asked Mike what was going on and all he said was "she's just really busy at work, they've got her working 8 hours a day, 5 days a week."  At the time I was a political staffer working between 9 and 12 hours a day sometimes 7 days a week and planning a wedding.

So, after 3 months of being incommunicado I get an instant message from Lauren in which she unceremoniously asks for the name and the address of the bridal store where she got her dress from because it's in and Mike will be visiting this weekend and he wants to see her in the dress.  I tell her and she says "Can you make the appointment for me, that's a long distance number."  The shop is about a half hour from where she lives, but the area code changes in the middle.  So I call for her and find out they don't do fittings on Saturdays, but will do them on a Sunday or a Friday night for her.  So, I relay the information back to her and she's obviously upset.  She said that it would throw her weekend with Mike off and how inconvenient this whole wedding has been for her.

After this, she again disappears for two months.  Worried, I get in contact with Mike and get her new home phone number from her.  I call her and she's in a fantastic mood, as it turns out she and Mike have just booked their tickets to Hawaii!  She's especially proud of the fact that they planned their trip around our wedding: They return from Hawaii two weeks before our wedding.  To which she adds that she's going to be so tired the weekend of the wedding as she'll be driving the 4 hours to our wedding the day OF our wedding so she won't have to take a day off work.

Absolutely dumbfounded I ask her if she could take at least the day of the rehearsal off.  At this she becomes upset and says -- and I quote -- "I told you before, I don't get any days off work."  To which I replied "but you do, you're taking a week to go to Hawaii with Mike two weeks before the wedding!"  to which she replied "Yeah, but those are vacation days.  I only get one week's vacation every 6 months, and once I hit my anniversary date I get two weeks every six months, and that's not until June."  She went on to say that she's trying to get ahead at the insurance company where she works and thinks it would look bad if she took a day off work so soon after returning from vacation.  Again, shocked I reminded her that our wedding is May 14, and if she would postpone for four weeks, she would hit her anniversary date and could go to Hawaii then and have more time to spend there.  To which she said "You don't get it.  Who wants to go to

Hawaii in the Summer?  It's pointless." she then told me, -- and I quote, again -- that my wedding is not a 'vacation' for her, it's stressful and if I insisted on asking her to take a day off work for the rehearsal that I would be asking her to put my own happiness ahead of her own.

Again, two months pass with no word from Lauren.  My fiancé's Aunts throw a shower for me, to which Lauren does not RSVP.  Both the aunts and myself tried to contact her, to no avail.  My birthday comes and goes, no card, no call, no gift.  Nick's birthday comes and goes, no call, no card, no e-mail.

At this point, I'm not sure if Lauren is a write off or not, but I am certain that she's not the friend I thought she was.  So, I decide to make "Suzy," who was a bridesmaid to be my MOH.  I didn't want to ask Suzy until I had spoken with Lauren first and ask her what, if any role, she still wanted to play in the wedding.  I tried for two weeks to contact her to no avail.  I finally contacted Mike and he gave me an earful.  How dare I ask Lauren to use her time with him for my wedding, I didn't understand how hard it was for her to be working the hours she was and that, again, no one wants to go to Hawaii in the summer.  He told me that Lauren would be e-mailing me soon with some information she thought I might need to know.

In this time I e-mail her and try to call her to arrange a face to face contact so that we can talk things out.  We had been friends for so long, I didn't want to sacrifice our friendship over our wedding.  I never even got a chance to broach the MOH issue with her.  Two weeks later she e-mailed me to say that she would not be a bridesmaid at all, that Mike would no longer be standing up with Nick, that she would not be coming to any showers or the bachelorette party or sending a gift to the wedding, but that she would attend with Mike.  She said -- and I quote directly -- "it's disappointing to see that you care about superficial things like duty and honor more than my happiness."

It's been a month since she sent the e-mail (I didn't respond) and 8 (pushing 9) since we announced our engagement and I asked her to be my MOH.  My mom told me that no good deed goes unpunished and this was my 'thanks' for putting Lauren and Mike together.  Our invitations will be mailed out next Friday and Lauren won't be getting one.  At least our wedding won't be any more stress for her!


I love your site, keep it coming! I have to tell you about this wedding I just had to back out of. My semi-friend asked me to be a bridesmaid, one of ten! I didn’t really want to because I’m in college and don’t have a lot of income to spend on dresses and presents and stuff like that, but I did it thinking I could pull extra hours at my job or something. So, after going through a month or so of hearing nothing the bride phones me out of the blue and asks me to set up a wedding website for her. I need to tell you that I can set up a basic website, but not the extravagant deal she was wanting. She told me over the phone about a hundred things that HAD to be on the site, and another fifty or so that she really wanted. I told her I didn’t think I could handle it to her specifications (or her expectations!) and declined to do it. She started crying, saying I was the best person she knew who could do this, and that I should take a class and learn. 

As I said, I’m in college. It’s the middle of spring semester, her wedding is the first part of fall semester. So, to take the hypothetical class I would have to take a summer course. Only summer course I could take is in-person course. So, this would require tuition, room, and board, plus I’d have to find a job in the small town for significantly less than what I would be making at my old job in my hometown, not to mention the probability that I wouldn’t be able to work full time. I explained this to the tearful bride, who said I should get my parents to pay for it. My parents have two kids in college, one more a year away from going to college, and my wedding that they have graciously decided to pay for (they gave me a budget, helping me keep from becoming a complaint on your site!) Asking them to pay the grand and a half or so that summer school would cost me seemed a bit ridiculous. Again I explained this to the bride. She screamed that if I was her friend I would do this for her. I told her nicely that I didn’t think I could handle bridesmaid duties anymore, and bowed out (to which she replied that I couldn’t bow out, she kicked me out.) I didn’t feel bad as we hadn’t picked dresses or done anything yet, and I was replaced almost immediately. The kicker was I just got an invitation for three different showers, each listing the six places she’s registered at. Too bad I think I’m going to be busy all those weekends working at home…



A friend of mine was married in October. Not one single friend of his liked his fiancée, but nobody bothered to tell him she was a witch. He was desperate for a woman (and she was his next-door neighbors daughter - high school drop out!)

Fast-forward to the wedding dance. Groom comes from a very large family and for one night, all 14 of his siblings were at the wedding dance. What a great opportunity to catch up! This large family also has a tradition of destroying the bride and groom's room for the evening in some sneaky ways. Being the groom was the youngest, he had helped destroy many of his older siblings wedding night rooms. Long story short, his sisters got into their room and destroyed it - right down to taking the light bulbs and putting Wheaties in the bed. Bride had heard rumblings of something going on so she suddenly needed to take off her slip to get more comfortable (mind you this was immediately after their first dance - maybe 8:15pm) She went upstairs and the groom went to check on her after 15 minutes and nobody saw them again for the entire evening. Rumor has it that the groom lost it and demanded a new room for them to stay in and they "retired for the evening".

My group of friends had a nice evening - by 9:00 everyone had pretty much cleared out and we had the DJ play the music we requested until midnight. There were maybe 12 of us there. She was and still is a HUGE WITCH!! It's too bad they have a kid together.


I must be missing something.  The new sinisters-in-law "welcome" their newest sister-in-law to the family by ruining her wedding night accommodations and because the bride caught on to this and didn't give them the satisfaction of a true meltdown, she's a witch?  I didn't see anything in this story that would qualify the bride as a witch.  I do see plenty of evidence that some sisters-in-law are witches, though.  


We had a large wedding party: A best man, a MOH, five groomsmen, five bridesmaids, two flower girls, and two ring bearers. Add my husband, me, and both sets of parents and the wedding party totaled 22 people! Way more than I had originally thought but my husband had specific men in mind to stand up for him and I had a sister and a number of long time (and very close) friends who I was happy to ask in order to make our sides even.   With the exception of the flowers, the reception food, and the DJ (who were all hired professionals) we did EVERYTHING else ourselves with the help of friends and family members. Everyone pitched in and worked hard to make the day special for us. Everyone EXCEPT my MOH and my two oldest and dearest friends (who were bridesmaids).   

My MOH and these two particular bridesmaids were women I had been friends with since high school (12 years!) and they were three people I always knew would be a part of my wedding party. Unfortunately they are also three of the most high maintenance women I have ever known. Please keep in mind that the four of us were inseparable and I was the first (and so far the only one) of us to get married. They are all busty, so when I asked them for input on dresses they asked that it not be strapless and be reasonable in price. My goal was to keep the dress price under $150. Everyone agreed that was a great idea. 

What no one could agree on was the dress itself. I emailed pictures of a number of lovely dresses that were available in the color I wanted. Every one of them was shot down by these three members of the bridal party. I feel it is important to add that the other three ladies involved in the wedding were willing to wear whatever I chose and had no problem with any of the dresses I had sent. Those women made it clear that they would be happy to wear whatever I chose.   Since the MOH and the two other bridesmaids were being the pickiest, I decided it would be best to let them choose the dress. I made plans to go dress shopping with them on a Saturday, made appointments at a number of bridal shops in a number of cities in our area including the shop I bought my wedding gown at, and planned on a lovely day of shopping with my good friends. We started early in the morning and I announced to the girls that I had decided to let them choose the dress (I hadn't told them, wanting it to be a surprise). I explained that the only rules I had was that it be priced under $150 and be available in Periwinkle Blue. Other than that, we would go with whichever dress the three of them agreed upon. They seemed really happy and excited about this and we set off eager to find the dress. 

TWELVE hours, six dress shops, and about 300 dresses later we still had not found a dress. In each store the girls tried on dresses. The ones they claimed to "love" were some of the most hideous dresses I had ever seen, but true to my claim I told them it could be the one as long as it was priced right and available in the right color. None of them met the criteria; some too expensive, most not available in the color Periwinkle. These dresses were so hideous I was fighting tears while they were in the dressing room because I so wanted the ladies to feel and look lovely on the wedding day. Needless to say I was relieved each time we found out they were not available in the price range/color we wanted. I said nothing though. I pasted a smile on my face and proceeded to the next store with the hope we would find something. By the end of the day I was tired, cranky, and completely frustrated. I just wanted to drop the girls off at home and crawl into a hot bath to de-stress. 

That is when my MOH and the bridesmaids decided to let me in on their "joke." The night before the shopping trip (before they knew they would be picking the dresses) they all talked on the phone and came to the decision that I would spend the day subjecting them to trying on "horrible dresses they would hate" and decided to play a joke on me by pretending to love the ugliest ones. When I told them that morning that they would be choosing the dresses and I would have nothing to do with it, they decided to go along with the joke anyway!!!! They just changed it to picking out the ugliest dresses they could find. They told me that NONE of the dresses they tried on that day were serious picks and that all of them were "jokes."   In essence they were telling me that they just wasted 12 hours of my life and two tanks of gas, while I drove them all over the northern half of California, so they could string me along on their sick idea of a joke! They honestly thought I would find this funny! I was furious but I kept quiet and didn't say or do anything. In an effort to "play along" I told them that the day had been fun and that I was glad to spend time with them. I admitted that shopping for the bridesmaid dress before (when I was alone) had been the one part of wedding planning I had disliked because I had so worried about finding just the right dress that everyone would like. I told them that I had come to dread the bridesmaid dresses because I couldn't seem to find the right thing, but that shopping with them had actually made me enjoy the process again (I was trying to be diplomatic). The three of them immediately got angry and started screaming at me, demanding an apology! "How could I insult them by saying they were the worst part of the wedding" and "I can't believe you would say we are the part you were dreading!"   Bear in mind I said no such thing and they had just admitted to taking up my entire day with a frivolous joke!   

The rest of the drive was done in stony silence because I refused to apologize when I had not said anything wrong. The next day I picked up my best friend (one of the reasonable bridesmaids) and we went to a local Jessica McClintock store and chose a lovely and beautiful dress in all of 10 minutes. The picky ladies complained about the dress I chose up until two weeks before the wedding. One of the picky bridesmaids actually asked me how I could be so mean as to punish them by choosing such an unflattering dress! My wedding photos show otherwise though. All six ladies look beautiful and radiant. Many of my ladies were complimented on their gorgeous dresses and I am happy it all turned out well.   Still, I really wish I had those 12 hellish hours back......  A few of my wedding guests have since gotten engaged and/or married and I told all the brides to be to pick out the dress and tell their bridesmaids what they are wearing instead of trying to make them all happy. It just isn't possible to please them all. I have also been in a few weddings since my own and I find I am much more willing to wear and do whatever the bride needs me to in order to be helpful.


I don't know why this story is in this category because it is actually about evil bridesmaids.  


This story is long, but given everything that went wrong, it's rather difficult to shorten. The story is courtesy of my sister, who was a bridesmaid (BM) for the couple in question. About the couple: the bride and groom are a couple of years out of college. She is a waitress; he works some entry level job at a bank and has a second job as a bartender. This is where it gets weird: the groom refuses to tell the bride anything about his financial situation. Nothing. She has no idea how much he makes, whether he has any savings, whether he has any debt. He claims it is "none of her business." So the bride has chosen to make the logical assumption, based on the employment facts I spelled out above. She has decided that the groom is secretly very wealthy, and this is why he won't tell her about his money, because he is afraid she would only love him for his vast fortune. So, based on this questionable conjecture, she has charged the entire wedding on her credit cards, up to around $30,000 to $40,000, with the assumption that he will reveal his wealth to her after the wedding and they will just be taken care of. I don't think the groom has any idea how much the wedding costs (nor do I think he has vast hidden reserves of cash).

In addition, the bride has informed the groom that she would like to have children immediately after the wedding, and stay home with them while he supports her. The groom's response to this has been something along the lines of "whatever," uttered as he is once again out the door to party and drink with his friends until 4 am every night. The bride, once again displaying her keen grasp of logic, has decided to interpret this single word to mean "Oh, yes, my darling, this is also my fondest dream, and nothing would delight me more than to support you with my vast imaginary fortune and by the way, I plan to completely give up going out with my friends and generally acting like a complete ass to you as soon as we are wed because of that magical part in the ceremony where the pastor totally alters my fundamental personality and behavior patterns."

As I said, my sister was a BM for this wedding of the terminally clueless couple. So, she and her other friend, the MOH, were stuck putting on the bachelorette party. They planned a fun night, starting with dinner at a fun club with good food and a great floor show, followed by dancing, for the bride and her friends. They propose this to the bride, who seems tepid, but is pretty much the same way about everything, so they think nothing of it. The bride keeps putting off the date, though, until it is almost 2 weeks before her wedding, and my sister and the MOH get tough and tell her she has to pick one of the two remaining weekends before her wedding or it will never happen. So she picks the weekend before her wedding.

First wrinkle in the plan: The bride calls the MOH and tells her that some of her work friends are celebrating a 21st birthday, and so they are going to make her party a joint bachelorette/21st birthday event. My sister and MOH are less than thrilled by this. They don't know any of the work friends, and are not exactly excited by the idea of babysitting a bunch of drunk 21 year olds all night. But it's the bride's Special Daaaay, so they say fine.

Second wrinkle: Bride calls back a couple of days later to say that the 21 year olds don't want to go to the club my sister and the MOH picked because they don't want to pay the $10 cover. Which is transparently bullshit, they just didn't want to go to that particular club. By this time, the bride has been so whiny and wishy-washy that the MOH just says fine, tell us what YOU are doing for your party, and we will just show up. So the bride and the 21ers call back to tell my sister and the MOH that they are going to a sleazy male strip club (cover charge: $25) and will rent a hotel room nearby to party in.

Sister and MOH are irritated, but go along. The day of the party, they are in charge of getting the alcohol for drinking in the room ahead of time. So my sister ends up paying for a couple of cases of beer, plus snacks and munchies that she decides to bring along. They show up at the hotel, and check in. At this point they find out there is no parking available except for valet, which costs $30. Before they valet, though, they unload the car, including the beer. As they go to bring it into the hotel, an employee stops them and tells them they can't bring alcohol to their hotel room unless they pay a corking fee of $20 per bottle of beer. This, the employee claims, is to protect the business of the hotel bar.

My sister is outraged. In the first place, this rule is nowhere spelled out in the hotel policies or at check-in. Secondly, it is manifestly ridiculous. She demands to see a manager, and does. She argues with the manager, to no avail. Meanwhile, she says an almost comic parade of people bringing alcohol into the building is passing by her in the lobby as the manager turns a blind eye. So she makes the command decision that they are not staying in this hotel, and moves to the one down the road. This turns out to be a blessing in disguise, because the bride apparently chose the first hotel without even bothering to ask about the room rates, and had booked one room with one king-size bed (for 8 people) for $275 (not including the valet parking). At the next hotel, they got 2 queen size beds and free parking and no weird alcohol hassles for $80.

So, after a flurry of phone calls, everyone is told about the new hotel. My sister asks about what they are going to do for dinner, since the sleazy strip club doesn't serve food, and the bride informs her that the 21ers are bringing Subway sandwiches for everyone.

Correction: The 21ers show up, having brought Subway for everyone they KNOW at the party. They knew there were going to be 3 other people there, but try to beg off my sister and the MOH and the one other BM by saying "well, we didn't know what you liked..." Because it is so hard to just add on an extra three generic subs, turkey or roast beef or something, to the order. The 21ers then promptly tear into the beer and chips my sister bought FOR EVERYONE to wash down their sandwiches. No one offers to chip in money for any of this, natch. My sister, MOH and the other BM split a side salad that someone generously donates to their cause.

Meanwhile, my sister et al. bring out the bachelorette favors they got for the bride: a t-shirt and a fake veil and a couple of other jokey things. The bride throws a fit and refuses to wear any of it, despite telling my sister and the MOH that she wanted a party with all the bachelorette trimmings. It later turns out that the only reason she is doing any of the stuff she has planned for her bachelorette party is to "get back" at her fiancé for going ahead with his bachelor party at a strip club against her wishes. The bride is a real prude at heart, and has a horror of male strippers and being touched by one, but is going out to "punish" the groom by sitting miserably in the corner of the strip club. Which is what she proceeds to do after they go and pay their $25 cover. She sulks, she pouts, and the only people buying her drinks are my sister and the MOH and BM - the 21ers are off by themselves, drinking and whooping it up.

After the bride decides the groom has been punished enough, she demands that they all go to another club (an expensive cab ride away). My sister meets some people she knows there, and has a great time dancing with them (her only fun all night) before the sulky bride decides it's time to go home to the hotel (where the 21ers drink the remainder of the beer). Everyone clears out the next morning, and no one chips in the money to the MOH for the hotel room (which she put on her credit card). My sister, MOH and BM go out to breakfast, their first real food since lunch the day before, and resolve "never again..."



My cousin, who we'll call Bob, had been dating my friend, who'll we'll call Jane, for about two years when he broke up with her for a woman at his work, who we'll call Lisa. My entire family loved Jane, so we were devastated. We tried hard to like Lisa, but she was rude, cold and pretentious.

When they announced their engagement, we forced smiles. I was surprised when Lisa asked me to be her bridesmaid, but I accepted, hoping it would give us a chance to bond. I couldn't have been more wrong.

She would frequently call me at work, with some 'urgent' news about the place cards. Once, she rang me at 1am to describe the 'vision' she had of the flowers. I was nineteen at the time, it was the first wedding I'd ever been involved in, and I assumed her behavior was normal.

Now, Jane and I were still friends, of course, and Bob and Jane had remained in loose contact. I knew that Lisa was jealous of Jane, but I never, ever expected what happened at the engagement party.

Basically, Lisa got up during the speeches and roasted Jane. It went something like this, "Thank you all for coming, I know Jane wishes she could be in my place right now, but I'm the better woman so she should stop being so pathetic." Okay, I'm paraphrasing, but only slightly. She continued for about ten minutes, describing how Jane was 'stalking' Bob, threatening Lisa, the works. We were all shocked, but nobody said anything. I guess they didn't want to rock the boat.

But not me. I'd had enough. By the time she was done, I was furious. I stood up, told her she was pathetic and I didn't want to be her bridesmaid, and stormed out.

A few days later, I received a letter from her (which she mailed to me, even though she only lives a few blocks away.) It was the invoice for my bridesmaid dress. No letter, nothing. Just an invoice for $600.

I paid it. I was earning a fair bit of money back then, and I didn't want to cause a scene. So I gave Bob a cheque. He looked embarrassed, but he didn't refuse it. Obviously, Lisa had said something to him. Whatever.

Under the coercion of Bobs parents, I attended the wedding. At the reception, I was in the bathroom when two of the bridesmaids walked in. One of them was the one who had replaced me. She was complaining to the other bridesmaid that Lisa had made her pay $600 for a dress that she was never going to wear again.

I never said anything to anyone, but I was deeply hurt that Bob would let her do something like that. It definitely caused a rift in our relationship.




I was in my cousin's first wedding in 2003. I was living out of town at the time and it was an extravagant affair, but I drove five hours for almost all of the events. I thought her, and her other bridesmaids, behavior was bad then. But come 25 months after her first wedding was an even BIGGER second wedding. I chose not to go, but sent along a very nice cookbook. Mind you, about two years earlier I had sent a rather pricey vase for a marriage that lasted six months. I have yet to get a thank you card for that gift. Another friend of mine also sent a smaller gift for her second wedding, a lovely set of crystal candlestick holders. She had mentioned to the serial bride that she had not gotten a thank you note. The bride then rudely responded that she didn't send a thank you note because it was "such a cheap gift"



A woman I knew from a college class, "Rachel"  asked me if I could go with her to pick out an engagement ring.  She told me that her fiancé refused to go with her to do the chore.  Even though I didn't know this woman very well, I felt bad for her having no fiancé, friends, or sister to do this with her, and agreed to go ring-shopping.  As you might imagine, the whole thing was quite awkward.  On the drive back, I asked her about her plans for her wedding.  She told me that her fiancé refused to have a wedding with any guests or attendants, and that it would just be the two of them and the minister.  I told her that was a lovely idea, and asked if she was having a reception.  She said her fiancé was opposed to that, too, even though she wanted some kind of celebration. 

This is when things got strained.  She said, "Maybe you could throw me a bachelorette party."  I was taken off guard, and had no ready excuse, so I reluctantly agreed.  I honestly was not prepared to throw any party, being that I was a 21-year-old college student with a tight budget and a small apartment.  I suggested that we go out to a bar to celebrate, and she seemed to like the idea.  However, when I saw her in class the next week "Rachel" had grander ideas for her bachelorette party.  She said that since my apartment was so small, that perhaps we could go bar-hopping downtown, go out to dinner at a nice restaurant, and then get hotel rooms.  Who did she think was footing the bill for all this?  I told her this was not economically feasible for me, and said that perhaps she should ask our mutual acquaintance "Kelly" if she would be willing to have a party at her much larger apartment.  Not five minutes later, Rachel saw Kelly, and loudly exclaimed, "So, Michelle told me you're going to host my bachelorette party at your place!"  Poor Kelly didn't know what to say!  Kelly said she knew nothing about it, but graciously agreed.  I had to approach Kelly afterwards and explain to her that I did NOT tell the future bride that she was hosting the party. 

On the designated party night, we met at a bar with just the bride, myself, a friend, and the professor from the class we shared.  Call it karma, but there was another bachelorette party going on at the same time, with a lot more people, lots of gifts, and a giant phallus.  "Rachel" seemed quite perturbed that we had done none of this for her.  After a few awkward cocktails, our pitiful party then moved to Kelly's house, where thankfully, Kelly had rented a few movies.  Things were going well until the Future Bride left half-way through the movie because she "missed her fiancé".  How rude!  Ironically, after the bride left, more people showed up and we had a good time.



At Christmas break during my senior year of college, one of my roommates announced her engagement.  I was happy for "Meg" and agreed to be a bridesmaid when asked. Then she and her fiancé set a date for August and the fun of dress shopping began.    When I had first agreed to be in the wedding, I did so under the impression of thinking that they were going to have a long engagement, like until he finished being a full-time student, but when they sped things up, I couldn't really blame them.  However, the new timeline meant that I needed to have the money for the dress NOW.  And of course, I was a college student, with no money for books which I needed, let alone a dress.    So we go shopping and Meg picks out tons and tons of dresses for us to try on.  She picks out so many in fact, that we end up starting to try them while she was still out looking.  Then Meg starts getting upset that we are deciding against dresses, without her having seen them, not paying attention to the fact that showing her would mean walking around through the store in the store sample dresses which were several sizes too small.   

Eventually, a dress was decided upon (which everyone like more or less) and the fittings began.  Now this isn't Meg's fault, but the people in the store were completely incompetent. For myself and another bridesmaid they wanted to order either a size 10 or a size 20...and I'm not kidding here.  They couldn't figure out which one would look better.  In the end, I ended up ordering a 14 which fit perfectly fine.    The dresses though continued to be a problem as the dress store sent my dress to the wrong store 4 different times.  By the time the dress finally arrived at the correct store, the company had gone out of business and I had to wait until the government stepped in and reopened the stores long enough so that people could pick up their dresses which had already been paid for.   At this point I had to pay a rush fee for having the 4 layer chiffon dressed hemmed, which set me back quite a bit of money and I still hadn't found a fulltime job.   

Meanwhile, the MOB and the MOH threw Meg a bridal shower in hometown about a month before the wedding.  Now, the rest of us bridesmaids had thrown one earlier at college for her college friends and ourselves and had made arrangements with the MOB and MOH that this was acceptable.  However, to Meg this was clearly not and she was horribly offended that none of us were able to come out for the new party, which we heard about only a week beforehand.   

The final blow though had to be that my boyfriend (now my fiancé) wasn't invited to the rehearsal dinner.  Meg said that its "not etiquette" to invite him since he wasn't actually in the wedding.  However, we had been dating for 1 1/2 years at the time and we were waiting to get engaged until after Meg's wedding so that we wouldn't detract any attention from her. She absolutely showed no sign of consideration.   

Meg also made salon appointments for all us girls and then the morning of the wedding announced to us what we each needed to pay for our hairdos.  Until then, we had thought that since it hadn't been mentioned that she was paying for it.   Now, I'm the one getting married and despite all the ways she didn't show consideration to me, Meg is one of my bridesmaids.  However, she is still making me so mad.  First, she tells me after I've set the date of my wedding that she'd really prefer any day but that one, but since she had no real reason to object, she's come around.  Second, when I called her to tell her which dress we had decided on so she could order it, she doesn't answer her phone.  I ended up leaving her 3 messages, none of which she responded to.  Eventually, she found out what dress to buy from another BM.  This BM then told me that Meg was mad at me for not having told her.  Hello!!! I called you three times and you don't respond but then blame me???   Third, now she's saying she might not be able to make it to the rehearsal because she doesn't want to take a day off from work, since she and her husband really need the money.  Yet, when I had to take the day off for her wedding and had to drive myself out separate from my fiancé that was perfectly acceptable?   

The final thing that is just incredibly irrupting is how much of a know-it-all she's becoming.  Anytime I mention the wedding budget or anything at all, Meg is just like I know, its so expensive, blah blah blah.  Well, no, she doesn't really know.  My fiancé and I are paying for our wedding completely ourselves. Her parents footed the entire bill for her wedding and his parents paid for the their honeymoon.  So when it really comes down to it, Meg has no idea what its like to be in my place, having to figure out what I can afford versus what I can't.  My wedding is also in my hometown right on the outskirts of a major city, an area that is considerably more costly than the country town she got married in.    I only hope that her annoying ways don't further interfere with my special day.



In her sophomore year of college, my sister Jane got to be close friends with Sharon, one of our cousins who went to the same school. When Sharon was diagnosed with an eating disorder, my sister was there to help her. When my sister started having emotional problems of her own, dating a string of just awful losers, Sharon did her best to set Jane straight.

Fast forward a couple years. My sister is working full-time and going to school part-time. She meets a great guy and they start dating. He's funny, kind and intelligent, stuff that was lacking in all her previous boyfriends. Sharon's dating too, at this point, a really nice and smart guy. The four of them hang out. Sharon gets to know Jane's boyfriend and vice versa.

Another year goes by and Sharon graduates and gets engaged. She asks Jane to be one of her bridesmaids. My sister agrees.

As wedding preparations are underway, Sharon tells Jane that if she wants to bring her boyfriend, she will need to make an announcement to the whole extended family. See, Jane's boyfriend is black and my family is white and Sharon says she doesn't want a "scene" at her wedding.

Jane agrees and lets everyone know about her relationship. The news is met mostly with a shrug, although my grandparents are upset by it. Still, they are not the type of people to behave poorly in public or be rude to someone's face. So there will be no scene at Sharon's wedding.

A few weeks go by and my sister receives her invitation. There is nothing on it to indicate she can bring a guest. She calls up Sharon, who tells her there just isn't room for Jane to bring her boyfriend. Bear in mind that more than 200 people have been invited to this wedding and that Sharon is friendly with Jane's boyfriend. Jane presses Sharon, who keeps repeating that there just isn't space for another guest. Jane mentions that all the other bridesmaids are bringing their partners to the wedding but Sharon says that's because they're all engaged or married.

Weeks go by and everyone in our town seems to be invited to Sharon's wedding. People who barely even know her are! Jane is really steamed and wants to drop out of the wedding party. Our family is very close-knit, though, and she knows that it would create a huge controversy. So she decides to just suck it up.

The wedding date approaches and the bachelorette party is scheduled for the weekend before Jane's finals. Jane tells Sharon that she can't make it. Sharon goes into full Bridezilla mode, screaming at Jane about how she's ruining her special time and not being helpful at all. Jane backs down and goes to the party, which is your typical plastic penises and body shots affair.

The day of the wedding arrives. The ceremony is nice, although I admit to being pretty annoyed with the bride for her crappy behavior.

We get the reception hall around 6 p.m. The wedding party is having their photos taken, so there's no food out. We wait. And wait. The caterer begins assembling the buffet but the bride and groom aren't to the reception yet so no one can eat. Another hour goes by. Guests start leaving. Some start grabbing food right off the buffet.

Finally, the bridal party make their entrance. Sharon and her new husband dance for a few numbers and then make their way through the buffet. By the time I get to the front of the line, I notice that we're only being given small appetizer plates for the buffet and that the only food available is sliced chicken, cheese cubes and raw vegetables.

Now, before you send me to Etiquette Hell for complaining about the food, let me say that I don't think being a guest at a wedding entitles you to some glorious steak and potatoes feast. That said, if your wedding is at 5 p.m. with a reception to follow, I think it's only fair that you provide your guests with dinner. I've been to weddings where this meant sandwiches and pasta salad or fried chicken with mashed potatoes. And these weddings were great! But a slice of protein, a few cubes of Cheddar and a broccoli spear are not a meal. I was famished, as were many others. More people left.

Later in the evening, Sharon's brother approaches me. He tells me that my sister very nearly ruined Sharon's wedding by bringing her boyfriend. "Sharon had to give Jane the hard facts," he said. "It's her wedding and Jane has no right to disrupt everything just so she can make some big statement about who she's dating."

I was flabbergasted and left soon afterwards. What a bunch of jerks.

By the way, when I was fighting off hunger pains waiting for the bride and groom to show up at the reception, I took a look at the photo album displayed next to the favors. There in the album was a two-page spread of pictures of Sharon with the caption, "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!!!!"

It sure was.



Three years ago I met the man of my dreams, packed up my life in Southern USA, and moved 3000 miles north to Canada. After arriving we decided to get married ASAP. As I was far away from my family and friends I was desperate to meet someone who could help me with learning the town, and finding all the vendors necessary to pull off my wedding. One of my groom’s co-workers, Rob, was also planning a summer wedding and introduced me to his bride, Lola. Rob was a very nice, gregarious, charismatic man, so I was thrilled to meet his bride. Lola was like no other I had ever met. Rob and Lola had been dating and living together for over 6 years, and had two young daughters. Rob worked hard at a fairly low level position, and Lola never had a job in her life. They lived with Rob’s parents, and barely made ends meet. However, she thought it was OK to spend over $15K on her dream wedding. Their money was no concern of mine, but on several occasions she told me she got “extensions” on her utility bills so she could have money for the wedding, and used all her child welfare checks towards the wedding!! As Lola seemed very naive I tried to nicely remind her that it was just one day, and there was no reason to go broke paying for it. They were already in a committed relationship, and their future well being was more important than one day. But she persisted. 

Throughout the summer Lola and I spent lots of time together planning and making our favors, invitations, and thank you cards. We both love stamping and card making so it was a lot of fun, and a great way to save money. I was thankful to have a friend,  I had only been in Canada a couple of months and was desperately missing my family and friends. My favors were quite simple- a small pewter box with a glass top, in which I etched each wedding guests’ initials into, engraved on the bottom with our names and wedding dates, filled with delicious gourmet chocolates. They were reasonably priced as I had found the boxes on clearance for just under $1.00 each, I did the glass etching myself, and my husband did the engraving. Since I had saved so much on the boxes and doing the etching and engraving ourselves, I was able to splurge on the chocolates. The favors were beautiful, and extremely special. Lola’s “theme” was birds, so her favors were tiny wicker baskets, with a fake bird glued to it, filled with a “birds nest” and tiny little eggs, the kicker was she wanted two ribbons in her wedding colors weaved in and out of these tiny baskets. She was having over 150 people at her wedding. I spent two months weaving ribbons into those baskets, without help from her or her bride's maids. She also insisted that her center pieces be hand made. We spent 2 days at a pottery shop hand painting large ceramic bowls. None of her other friends or attendants showed up to help, and her and I made all 20. She told me to mark the bottom of my favorite and she would make sure I got it after the ceremony. I never received a verbal thank you or acknowledgement for making all the favors or for making the center pieces, and I never received the one I had marked. 

During the entire summer of planning I drove Lola around on all her errands, since she didn't drive and her groom was working. We even made a three hour round trip drive to a bigger city just for her to look at a veil she ended up not buying! She never thanked me for all that, or offered to help with the cost of gas. Jump ahead to her shower. Her shower was to begin at 3:00 and last until suppertime. Then would be followed by her stagette party.  I arrived for the shower at her MOH’s house at promptly 3:00. I was the first to arrive! I sat talking with the MOH who I had only met one other time, while we waited for everyone else. The groom’s mother and grandmother arrived at 4:00, still no bride, and no other guests. Finally at 4:30 the bride and her friends arrived, with no apologies or explanation for arriving so late! The MOH was gracious and the shower was lovely. One thing I found odd was they had the guests address our own envelopes for Lola to send us thank you cards in! 

At 6:00 the bride announced that everyone going to party with her should go home, change into “club clothes” and meet at XYZ restaurant at 8:00. I did as I was instructed, and arrived at the restaurant at 7:45. I told the hostess I was there for Lola’s stagette and the hostess said she didn’t have a reservation, and no one else seemed to be there for such a party. I thought it was odd that there was no reservation as last I heard there was to be at least 12 women. I stood around waiting until 8:20, and then tried Lola’s cell phone, and didn’t receive an answer. Since my groom was with Rob for the stag party I called him on his cell phone. He said all the men were there, most of which were the husbands of the girls invited to the stagette. I briefly spoke to Rob who told me the girls had decided against XYZ restaurant at the last minute and decided to go to another one. No one had bothered to call me, and since I was new to town I had no idea where that restaurant was, I decided just to go home. My feelings were very hurt, I felt like Lola and I had become very close over the last few months, and she knew I was looking forward to a night out with the girls. 

Two days later I finally heard from Lola, she was very upset that I didn't make it to her party. I told her I had shown up where I was told to go and no one had been there, and no one had called me, her answer was “well we thought you would know we would end up at the other restaurant since that’s where we always go”! 

Jump ahead to the day before the wedding. Lola and Rob had invited us, prior to the stagette fiasco, to attend the rehearsal dinner as a thank you for all the help we had been. Rob called that morning to remind us of the dinner, and we told him that of course we would be there. We quickly found out we were invited just to help them decorate their hall. As soon as we arrived we were herded away from the dinner, without getting to eat, and shown where the hall was and the decorations. My groom and I spent 6 hours decorating their hall, with little to no help from the attendants or the bride's or groom's families. They all sat around talking and drinking in the room next door, only popping in long enough to tell us where to hang things! I spent two hours folding the napkins into a complicated rose form, which took two different colors of napkins to make, and then placed them at each seat! We were never given dinner, not even a bottle of water or a can of soda! And Lola never even spoke to us. By this point my groom and I were plenty ticked off. 

The wedding: My groom and I arrived 10 minutes before the ceremony was to start, and the MOH took me aside and asked if after the ceremony was over would I wait until everyone left the room and then move some of those decorations out and into the reception room. I grudgingly agreed. I moved everything over into the other room while all the other guests went into one room to have cocktails, while the bridal party and family took photos outside. I went around the reception room and made sure everything was in place. When the reception started my husband I went to find our table- only to find it was the “rejects” table next to the bathroom, at the far back of the room. Fine. The reception was ok, except for the best man’s toast which included such lines as “we thought Lola was a lesbian”, “drunk until she passed out”, and  something about their children being born out of wedlock! The cake was made by one of Lola’s friend who is a chain smoker, the cake smelled and tasted of cigarettes. Not to mention all the tube tops, and bumping and grinding type dancing on the dance floor. When Lola got up to thank  all those who attended and helped them, she failed to thank us for making all the center pieces and favors, and decorating the entire hall. Fine, these things happen.  

During the entire evening Lola did not speak to us. We tried at one point to approach her to tell her congratulations, but as soon as she saw us she turned and walked away. At this point, we gave up! Rob did stop by our table and gave us a heart-felt thank you for our help and for attending. We left at the earliest possible moment, and thankfully avoided being roped into cleaning up the hall and taking down all the decorations we had so painstakingly put up. I never heard from Lola again, never received a thank you card for the wedding gift or the shower gift. They had RSVP’d to our wedding but didn’t show.



I heard the rule of etiquette is "whatever the bride wants", however I question this philosophy under the following circumstances:       My brother is getting married this month.  It will be his third wedding (2 teenagers) and the bride's second wedding (no children) and they are in their 40's.  When they announced they were getting married the family was thrilled for them, however,  they never shared what type of wedding this would be and we all assumed given the circumstances that it would be a small informal event without the frills of a first wedding.      

My mother, who is 82 years old, planned on wearing a very nice pantsuit as she does not feel comfortable in dresses.  The bride continually made comments encouraging me to get her to wear a dress (my mother is a widow, does not drive, and I am the only sibling in the area to take her shopping).  I spent many hours and miles taking her shopping for an outfit (mother lives a distance from me and the shopping centers so it is a substantial drive and expense) and she came away empty handed as she could find anything suitable without spending hundreds of dollars on a dress she would only wear once.  She finally settled on a black long skirt, black silk tee and elegant black jacket with gold threading and piping - all which was brand new and hanging in her closet already.  She looked great in it, felt very comfortable and when she showed it to the bride, she said it looked fine.       A short time later the bride she got me aside and asked if we could get her to change her outfit as the bridesmaids were in black and her sister and her were concerned about photos, etc.  The bride continued to e-mail and telephone me gently pressuring to have mother change her outfit.   I told the bride that I was upset that she had told my mother she liked the outfit and then tried to get me to change it and upset my mother.  This blew up into a big fuss and finally my mother had to be told.  

At this point the bride told her to wear whatever, however, now my mother now my mother feels uncomfortable with her outfit.  While she would never ask me, I have volunteered to start running to stores again so she will feel more comfortable at the wedding.        Today I ran out during my lunch break and purchased several evening outfits in various sizes and colors (on my charge card) to take to my mother to try on.  Hopefully she will be able to find one to suit her needs and then I will have to run back to the stores to return the rest.        

 I question whether it is proper etiquette for the bride to tell guests, even if it is the groom's mother, what to wear under the circumstances as stated above and whether he groom's mother obligated to respect her wishes if causes a hardship?       I love my mother and will do anything for her, but I am getting so I dislike the bride and we haven't even got to the wedding yet!       (I do not wish to participate in any form of media in connection with this)    



The Bride and I went to High school together, all through HS I was pretty chunky. After graduation our group went our separate ways I went to an out of state University. We all kept in touch at first, but, in the grand tradition of growing up we resorted to Christmas cards and ecards on birthdays. Five years after this, I received a call from the Bride asking me to be a bridesmaid. She explained that I was such an important part of her life and she could not get married w/o me being present. I thought that was the most touching thing I had ever been told. 

For the next six months I had communications with the bride over the phone and internet, she faxed me the BM dress style no. and a place in my city where I could get it. The week of the wedding approached and this would be the first time I had seen her since a Christmas break 3 years before. I was so excited as I got off the plane I spotted her immediately. She looked at me like I was a stranger,( I forgot to mention I developed a passion for running marathons and not to boast but I worked so hard I can say I'm HOT now) As I hugged her I could tell the she was not expecting my new frame, she quietly walked me out to the car and vaguely told me that she would no tbe going out tonight with all of the other bridesmaids she was so tired. ok she dropped me off at the hotel and told me the room number I would be in with the other BM Sarah. 

I met Sarah, Mary and Carol and they were all on the heavier side. The wheels began to turn I figured the only reason I was asked was because I was fat in HS and god forbid The BRIDE have anyone skinny in her wedding party make her look big. As the week progressed I found myself being praised fro my new look from her family and I giggled when the bride made comments like "it must be nice to have a personal trainer." and "Don't fill her plate, it's obvious she does not eat much." By the end of the week I was so pissed I wanted to get on the first plane out of there. 

At the rehearsal The Bride and I Got into it after Sarah (my BM roommate) said the Bride had told her that morning "How DARE Becky me) upstage me at my wedding, I am going to make sure that no one pays attention to her at the wedding. So She spread a rumor that I was Anorexic. After our verbal tiff at the rehearsal I decided that I would go for only the dinner portion and promptly leave for the hotel and keep a low profile for the wedding day. 

When I arrived at my hotel room there before me on the floor was my bridesmaids dress with a huge hole cut out of the front!! I left on the red eye back home. But I made sure to send My dress to her mothers room at the hotel with a note saying I hope the wedding is beautiful despite your daughters ugly attitude. I have no contact with any of those associated with this wedding. I realize it was tacky of me to send an ugly note but I think I earned the right after this.



My husband was recently asked to be a very important member of a wedding party of someone he isn't really friends with or close too. We figure the groom's first choice backed out so in desperation my hubby was asked. The wedding theme was ahem and I quote, "Kinda Pimped out". The future bride seemed nice enough the first time I met her but at rehearsal dinner/wedding the vibe I got was less than friendly. Will get into that later...grr.

Ok, hubby goes to a very nice formal wear shop, hundreds of beautiful tuxes to choose from, the couple (found out later bride picked these) picked out a tux, with a hat (pimp hat, even had feathers) and some of the ugliest shoes you can ever imagine. Cost of the tux nearly 200.00. Hubby and I hit the roof, he was already taking a day off of work, not to mention new clothes we both had to have for rehearsal/wedding. Grand Total of what their wedding cost us=$600.00. See above about not being close friends of these ppl.

It is customary for the church to be open for the bride and groom around an hour and half before wedding, for the bridal  party to dress and take photos. Well this bride had already made plans for some of her hired help to be there a lot earlier without asking pastor what time church would open(by the way pastor was wonderful and I could see him making all events special). Then informed pastor that the church had to be open for her help. Needless to say she didn't get her way on that one. She tells everyone in wedding party to be there 3 hours before ceremony, but didn't bother to call one of them to let them know that the church wouldn't be open. Move forward to guests arriving, the church could easily seat 300 ppl, only about 60 guests came, and the ushers did not seat but three of them, so on one side of the church there was less than 15 ppl and the remainder on the other side, had the wedding been on a ship, it would have flipped over and sunk. The ceremony was beautifully performed by pastor, but everyone left before the bride a groom, there were only about six of us in the receiving line, they didn't even take a ride around the block in the limo, nor did they have bubbles,bird seed, etc.  Move forward to the reception there were absolutely no seating charts, and the bridal party had to sit together, even pob and pog sat on opposite sides of the room. There was very little mingling and you could tell the smile affixed to the brides face was as plastic as a Barbie. NOT once did she thank hubby, or myself for taking time out to come to her wedding, or thank hubby for being in her wedding. Even when we received the invites, it was addressed to hubby only. She has absolutely no class whatsoever and I think the wedding could have been better planned by monkeys, just my two cents worth.



I had to chuckle today. DH and I were listening to the radio (Mix 99.9 in Toronto Canada) and there was a caller, a veterinarian who wanted the station to stop playing a certain popular Sarah McLaughlin tune. The reason being, because he and his fiancée were going to use it as their wedding song and the radio stations playing it, were ruining it for them. The DJ's mentioned that Sarah was probably happy that the song was being enjoyed widely. The groom to be was still unpleased and continued to voice his displeasure. The DJ's much to their credit decided to have their callers call in to try and replace the wedding song that they had "ruined" by playing it on the radio too much. I had to resist calling in and recommending Dr. Doolittle's "Walk with the Animals". Holy moly, if they wanted an exclusive song so badly, why not get someone to write one for them, or, like we did, find a lovely song that was about 30 years old, instead of calling around to radio stations demanding that they stop playing a song that you want to use for your wedding. Since when does the world stop revolving when a couple get's engaged? 



My best friend (We will call her Mia) and her boyfriend of 3 years (Nate) got engaged about 7months ago, the same time that my father was killed and my brother seriously injured in an awful car accident. Nate is Canadian and Mia had been living near him in B.C. so the decision was made that the wedding be held there. Mia asked me to be her Matron of Honor as we have been best friends since Jr. High and she served as my Maid of Honor last year. They first started planning for an Oct. 10th wedding. Fine with me. The date was then changed to Christmas Eve. I had to decline. I explained to her that I needed to be at home for the holidays to be near my mother and 3 (under the age of 18) siblings as it was the first Christmas for my husband and I as well as the first Christmas without my dad. Mia understood and let me know that the date wasn't set in stone yet. Fine. 

Finally the date is changed to the March 12th. I hear this from Mia's sister with whom I am friends as our husbands work together. I e-mailed Mia and tell her that if the date is to be in March I will be able to attend and leave it at that. We communicate a few more times and nothing is said about me being part of the wedding party. I was a bit hurt but at the same time chalked it up to Mia being Mia. She has never given much thought to other people's feelings. Mia came home for Christmas and I had a good chuckle at the way the planning was going. She's doing things like asking friends to cook turkeys for the reception of 250 people because having it catered would be too expensive. Mia asks me if I was hurt that I'm not going to be her Matron of Honor. I tell her that I was a bit hurt but am over it. She proceeds to get teary eyed and explain how she wants me to stand up with her but the dresses have to be all exactly the same and they were purchased and a shop that only sells sizes 0 to 8 and there just isn't time to have one made for me (I'm a size 14 to 16 usually) At this point I'm still trying to keep a sense of humor and tell her to just forget it, I'm not upset. Time is drawing near, January comes and goes, no invitation. My husband and decided that it would be best if I didn't got based on our financial situation and the aggravation he knows it would cause me to be left out the whole weekend. Today is Feb 10, just 30 days until the big event and I have still not received an invitation but I did get this tacky e-mail addressed to everyone in her address book:

"Hello friends and family! Well, our web-page is finally up! it is still a work in progress however. Oh by the way, if you haven't received an invite yet, it is either still enroute or we ran out!! I did not prepare well enough for the amount of people that are so near and dear in our lives!!! So I am very sorry! But the web site has the info for our ceremony, so please consider that your ceremony invite!! I miss everyone of you that I haven't talked to or seen in a while!! And though life has gotten pretty crazy, I wish I had the time to email each and everyone of you! Well I hope you guys enjoy the web site, check back every now and then to see if more things are up and running! Blessings!!!! Mia and Nate"

The web site includes the date, time and place of the ceremony (not the reception because she doesn't want everyone at the reception) and the 3 places they have registered at. Lovely. I don't think I'll be sad to have missed this.



From reading all the stories, it never fails to amaze me how the people who do not deserve to get married manage to schnooker a nice person to spend the rest of their lives with.

My sister, "Janie," is such a person. Unbelievably, she has been married for 10 years to a wonderful, but sadly gullible, gentleman I'll call Bob.

Janie and Bob were married in 1995, but hardly anyone knows exactly when. She insisted they marry in secret by the justice of the peace and not tell any family member when or where the wedding would take place. They had planned a traditional wedding in the spring of 1996. My mom's neighbor threw a couples bridal shower around Christmas 1995, where Janie received mountains of gifts (for which she did not send thank you notes, by the way) and told one elaborate lie after another about the catering, chapel, minister, bridesmaid dresses, etc. Bob looked more and more depressed the more she yakked, but I couldn't figure out why.

Three months later, Janie called me out of the blue and said that she and Bob had married in the fall and that there would be no church wedding ceremony. I was supposed to be one of her bridemaids, so I was surprised. She then told me "Oh, by the way, you owe me $125 for that Laura Ashley bridesmaid dress since you're not going to be my bridesmaid anymore." I was horrified and really upset that she would not only do this to me, but to our other sister, "Beth", who was also supposed to be her bridemaid. I asked her why she didn't ask me to be her witness for the JOP ceremony, since I lived only a few hours' drive away. She said, "I don't trust you to keep a secret. In fact, I don't trust you at all."

Some time later, Janie revealed the REAL reason she insisted on the elopement and elaborate lies: her future mother-in-law had asked her if she would consider including Bob's sister, "Jessie" as a bridesmaid in the wedding ceremony. My skinny-as-a-beanpole sister did not want to include Jessie because her "big butt" would be a distraction and embarrassment to HER ceremony! For the record, Jessie does not have a big bum: she is well-proportioned and is only about 5-10 pounds overweight.

Beth and I still have the lovely blue bridemaids dresses. To this day, we refuse to pay Janie $250 for those dresses. We speak to Janie as infrequently as possible. With a sister like Janie, who needs enemies?

My parents still make excuses for Janie's wacko wedding (and in general) behavior, which baffles everyone. Her in-laws can't stand her and poor Bob works 12-hour days, 7 days a week. I wonder why!



My friend directed me to your site, and I must say I find it extremely entertaining. I have two stories, one is just tacky, and one is a bridezilla.   Just for some background, I've known this girl, "Kelli" since she moved here her freshman year. I was her first friend and introduced her around. So we've known each other for about 4 years. Ever since then we've been friends on and off again because of her personality.

1) This story happened our sophomore year of high school. She had just broken up with her 3 boyfriend from our high school, and just wanted another one right away. She got bored with guys fast and only dated them for a few months. Kelli was friends with "Brian" at the time and she always went to him to talk about her problems. It had only been a week since she broke up with her other BF and we all told her it was just a rebound crush. Well, she dated him anyways. I admit, I had had a crush on him before they started dating, but that was squashed when they started dating.

They make it for a total of about 3 or 4 months. They were having a lot of problems that last month and she would constantly complain to me about things. Of course, being a good listener and giving advice when asked, I told her that she needed to talk to him about the problems if she wanted to work things out. Well, of course she didn't talk to him about things and then broke it off with him. I'm a compassionate person and I like to know why something has happened, and Brian was the same way. He asked me what was wrong, and since I was friends with him too, I told him the reasons that she had previously told me (perhaps I was in the wrong, but I felt like he deserved to know why he was dumped). So he then talked to her about things. That's the first time I realized what Kelli was really like. She started ignoring me, and even though she was still giving me rides to and from school, she wouldn't talk to me at all. Finally I just gave up the friendship since she was being unreasonable.   

2) This second story has to do with Kelli as well. This one happened just recently and I am shocked at what she's done. See, Kelli has decided that she needs to get married to Ricky. They are 19 and 18 respectively and they live with Kelli's parents (he moved out of his parents house when they didn't want him dating her). Their wedding day is in about 22 days and things have been hell since this started.

The first part was looking for dresses. I was originally a bridesmaid. Thought that was great and had no problem. I knew it would cost money, but figured I wouldn't have to spend too much money on things, jewelry, hair, makeup, etc. She's trying on dresses and asked me to come back and help her put on dresses. Her mom, sister and cousin were there also. Kelli, her mom, and I go to the room with dresses and she starts putting them on. 2 hours later, I have to leave so I can make it to an appointment on time. The next day, her cousin starts talking to me online and says I'm a b*tch and blah blah blah. That her aunt didn't like that I was helping her daughter try on dresses, etc. First off, her mom was trying on dresses too for the wedding. The dress she bought was almost as much as Kelli's dress! Her cousin felt it was her place to tell me that I was a bitch and I was wrong and hurt her aunt. Whatever. I told her that her aunt should have said something if she was really hurt, cuz Kelli's mom is not a shy, afraid to hurt feelings person. I said I'd just go get my deposit back on the dress and quit the wedding. Well, Kelli convinced me to stay (big mistake).

Even more recently was a problem with shoes. I am in college, she knows I was unemployed at the time, and I'm saving to help pay my way through college, car insurance, etc. She said no problem, just find maroon shoes to match the dress. A few weeks later she messages me online and says "my mom found shoes at this store, they're dye able and can match the shoes" I asked how much they were and she said $40. wth. she knows I odn't have much money and yet she wants me to pay $40 for a pair of shoes i'll wear maybe 2 times? I don't think so. so I told her I didn't have the money to buy them. She starts "yelling" at me online, saying I'm ungrateful and if I wanted to make her day special, I'd do this for her, that she knew I had money because I had started my job already. Yes I had started my job, but I hadn't gotten a paycheck yet, plus I'm paying for everything on my own, no help from my mom.

She then says I'm an immature b*etch, that I've been complaining about everything since she started planning her wedding. She then went on to say that this friend obviously doesn't like you, my sister is glad you're not in the wedding, and my cousin hates you. I couldn't care less at that point. I was tired of being treated like dirt, I blocked her and refused to talk to her since she couldn't be civil and polite to me. She then has numerous friends messaging me asking me about the dress, etc. I stopped going online. She then resorts to messaging my phone at 1 in the morning, harassing me about the dress. If you want a dress, don't wake me up when I'm sleeping.

So far, things have been hell for her. She's blown her money on things they don't need (trip to Hawaii which is expensive, a playstation, a new car they don't have insurance on yet) and wonders why they don't have money. they are planning on building a house right away and moving into an apartment even though staying with her parents would save them a ton of money. As of now, most of us don't think she'll finish college or get a job or make the marriage last. Neither of them likes confrontation and they argue all the time.

Adjust this story as  you will, I hope she burns in ehell for deciding shoes are more important than friends and not being grateful for all the things I've done for her over the years.



I don't even know where to begin with this Bridezilla story. I guess we'll start with the specifics. I'm the groom's sister. My brother has been dating the bride for 5 yrs and in the 5 yrs that I've known the bride I haven't found a single thing I like about her. But, being that I love my brother I wanted to be part of his wedding. So, my brother gets engaged and soon after my husband is asked to be a groomsman, and my son is asked to be a ring bearer. Being that the both of them are now in the wedding, I'm assuming I will be too, which my brother confirms and says the bride keeps forgetting to ask me to stand up. 12 months later (6 months before the wedding now) I finally confront the bride and say, "Am I standing up in the wedding or what?" She says, "Oh yeah, I've been meaning to ask you about that." Whatever, so now I guess I'm officially in the wedding. 

Next order of business is the shower. Bride decides that she wants TWO showers. One with her family, one with groom's family. There were probably a total of 100 people at both showers combined, so not really sure why there had to be 2 showers. But, I go ahead and buy them 2 gifts. One for each shower. Not to mention my mother has to fork out for the whole shower with our family. Next order of business, the bridesmaids dresses. Each bridesmaid is wearing a different top and we're all wearing the same skirt. So, when we go to pick out our tops I ask for the only one with sleeves since I'm self conscious about my arms and I'm very pale... basically, I don't really like to show a lot of skin. Bridezilla tells me, maid of honor got dibs on that top and she's more important then you. Okay, fine, I'll live with the halter-top I guess. 

Then the time comes for alterations. I take my dress to the place where we bought them from and I end up having to pay half the price of the dress for the alterations. When I tell bridezilla about this she says, "That's crazy, you should have taken it to the same place we are all going to, it's much cheaper." What place!!!???? I was never told of another place!!!!???? Thanks for the info! 

Then we come to what my mother is going to wear to the wedding. My mother had breast cancer 11 years ago and she had a mastectomy. It's very hard for her to find dresses that cover her up in all the right places and look flattering. So, mom finds and pretty, sparkly black dress that she feels great in and looks great in too! Mom tells bridezilla I found my dress and it's black and it's... bridezilla cuts in "the mother of the groom is wearing black to my wedding!!!!" Poor mom says, your wedding colors are black and bisque so I didn't think it would be a big deal since BLACK is actually the wedding color! But, poor mom takes back the black dress and has to have a special bra made to wear with her new gray dress. Next we come to the bachelorette party. I wasn't informed of what we were going to be doing the night of the party until the Night BEFORE the party. By that time I was so hurt that I wasn't included in the planning, that I didn't even want to go. Not to mention, babysitter fell through, and I didn't really have the extra money since 3 of us are standing up in the wedding. When I politely tell the bridezilla's cousinzilla who is also a bridesmaid that I can't come she picks a fight with me and tells me my excuses aren't valid and that I'm hurting the bride. So I tell her, it's your fault because you haven't tried to include me in the planning at all and I feel more like a guest to the party, then actually part of the wedding party itself. So, I end up agreeing to go to dinner (the 1st part of the party) anyway to make an appearance. Then maybe these people will be happy. WRONG!!!!!!! 

Next day bridezilla let's my brother have it about how I'm a self-centered B****! So, my brother asks my mom what's going on. My mother in my defense tells my brother what a B**** cousinzilla was to me. My brother apologizes to me and tells me bridezilla's family should not have treated me that way. THANKS BRO! The day after that, bridezilla calls my mom screaming at her and telling her that she's driving her crazy and that she's done nothing except try and control the whole wedding. Yes that's right, 6 days before the wedding the bridezilla tells off her mother-in-law to be. My mother was so upset that she said "I don't want my son to marry you and you can go to hell!" Well, the wedding is now 5 days away and my mother, father, myself, my husband and a handfull of other people on our side of the family do not want to even go to this wedding because Bridezilla has been so rude. What are we to do?????



I had a very good friend “Elizabeth” who was recently wed. We had been friends for several years, been through a lot together and traveled extensively together.  She told me immediately of the engagement and that they were planning to marry soon, not wasting time with a long engagement.  She e-mailed me daily with comments about picking a dress, planning the reception, etc., all the time commenting that cost didn’t matter (not uncommon with this friend).  They were planning a small wedding in New Orleans (we live in Tennessee-a 7 hr drive) and how despite the fact that she wants her New Orleans Wedding, she is sad that a lot of people cannot make it because it’s a destination wedding on a holiday (Labor Day) weekend.  I assure her several times, that I will be there-just send me an invite so that I know the details.  I went ahead and sent the gift ahead of time, considering we would be traveling down for the wedding and I didn’t want it to get broke.  Well, I had the date on my calendar, so I knew when it was, but as it got close to the date, I had no invite. 

I e-mailed my friend the week prior to say that I had no invite, assuming it had gotten lost in the mail, I just needed the details of time and place, etc.  I was immediately told that she didn’t send me an invite and she assumed I didn’t really want to come and not to bother.  Ok-I had assured her upset bridezilla nerves several times telling her I would be there and not to worry.  I was looking forward to going and had made arrangements to be off and for travel as well-so had boyfriend just to go with me.

To boot-several mutual friends mentioned what lovely announcements she had sent out.  I never got one either.  I was nice about it (albeit hurt) and tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and told her that I had heard that the announcements were beautiful but that I hadn’t gotten mine.  I was told my “friend” that she didn’t have my address.  Hello, we had been friends for years (w/me at same address) and it was listed (return address) on the card I sent along with gift-a gift for which I never received a thank you.

In summary-I was used as a friend to bounce ideas off of, bored with details, begged and pleaded to come, and then not sent an invite, announcement or thank you??????????



Dearly beloved, let me tell you the story of an out-of-control bridezilla of my aquaintance. At her shower, our Zilla was oblivious to all of the guests who came to wish her well, because she was too busy counting and showing off all of her gifts off her EXTREMELY expensive registry. And obsessing about how quickly the silver was tarnishing. We calculated that, if you added together her china, crystal, silver and table linen requests from her registry, it worked out to more than $1000 per place setting. Zilla openly mocked the guests who could only afford to give her 2 teaspoons from her silver registry (the least expensive item, $100 each), and was REALLY upset by someone who thought her love of china would extend to a box of random, half-broken china apparently picked up from the "50 cents for the whole box" table at a local garage sale.

The groom's family is High Society in the area, and threw a lavish rehearsal dinner for all of the out of town guests (all 150 of them) at their country club. The elegance of the occasion was only slightly marred when the police arrived, escorting two of the bridesmaids, who had apparently gotten into a fight in the parking lot of a local Wal-Mart. Apparently, one bridesmaid had forgotten her curling iron, and insisted that the other BM drive her to get a new one. The Wal-Mart in question was the 4th store where the first BM had been unable to find her exact make and model of curling iron, and the fight broke out when the other BM flatly refused to take her to yet another store in search of an exact replacement curling iron. These BMs did not speak for the rest of the weekend.

The day of the wedding arrived, and one of the bride's coworkers threw a catered brunch for her in his home. Said brunch included omlette stations, carving stations, fresh fruit and pastries galore, as well as the standard mimosas. The bride did not go to her own brunch, as she figured she would need 3 hours to have her hair done. She did not inform the host of this fact, she merely shipped off a lesser BM to tell him that she was not coming to her own brunch after all, and not incidentally to pick up a whole basket of food from the brunch to take back to the bride so she could eat it while at her hairdresser's. (Who did not, incidentally, take 3 hours to do her hair.)

The wedding service itself was unremarkable. After the wedding, the guests trouped into the dining hall of the church for the reception. Disclaimer: There is nothing wrong with an appetizer reception. If that is what you can afford, and what your guests are led to expect, that's great. BUT - Keep in mind that the bride and groom were extremely wealthy, and had expected everyone else to throw them lavish dinners and other parties before their wedding, and registered for and expected lavish gifts. Keep in mind also that most people who throw appetizer receptions are at least interested in mingling with the people there, so that the food is really of secondary importance. Our Zilla, however, specifically told one of the BMs that there was no way she was going to come out financially ahead on her wedding if she had to actually spend any money on the reception, so she was determined to make it as cheap as possible in order to squeeze the most out of her guests with the least trouble to herself.

This is what the guests found when they entered the (much too small) reception hall: cold meatballs dumped in bottled BBQ sauce, which had been sitting out for heaven only knows how long. Some strawberries past their freshness date, still in plastic container from the grocery store (complete with the expired freshness date label). Some melon slices, mostly rind. Some canned artichoke dip, with a bag of Fritos opened next to it for dipping. To drink: apple juice mixed with 7UP, long since gone flat. Or you could use the drinking fountain down the hall.

By the time the bride and groom showed up after pictures, 45 minutes later, half the guests had cleared out in disgust. The B&G did not have a reception line, or greet anyone, or announce their presence. The first hint that they were there was when their photographer's flash started going off as he took pictures of them cutting the cake. That accomplished, the B&G were ready to leave the "reception." By now they were down to 25% of their guests to throw the birdseed at them as they exited, cake in hand. They did not even bother with the reception food, of course...the B&G had a specially prepared gourmet picnic lunch waiting for them in the limo that was taking them to their first of two exotic honeymoon sites. So basically, the reception was viewed more as a holding area for the guests until they would come in handy to fill out the background for the photos of the birdseed-throwing portion of the day. No need to talk to them, or provide more than a token effort at seeing that they were fed or entertained in any way. Apparently, the groom's parents (the high society ones) were totally mortified, and will never live down the shame.


Page Last Updated May 15, 2007