Wicked Witches of the Weddings

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Two weeks before my wedding, I had to have a new wedding dress made. Why? The first wedding dress wouldn't accommodate a Kevlar vest underneath.

Yep. I'm probably the only non-Mob bride in the history of the planet to change her wedding dress based on whether or not she could wear a bulletproof vest under it, thanks to the mother of the goon.

I also had armed policemen at the wedding and reception for the same reason.

You know, I was married to that man for nine years *after* his mother threatened to shoot me at the altar. Good Heavens, I was dumb.

WickedWitches0201-06

When I started dating the man who is now my husband I was well aware that his mother did not really like me. While this was a little disappointing (I had always had a very good relationship with my previous boyfriends’ parents) it wasn’t a huge deal, she was polite to me and I could put up with the occasional sniping behind my back in order to keep the peace. My husband and I became engaged reasonably early in our relationship but we had a very long (about 3 years) engagement and in the meantime we lived together and had a beautiful baby boy who was doted on by both sides of the family.

When we decided to start planning,  my family announced to us that they would contribute a (modest but still very generous) sum to the wedding and my husband and I planned to cover the rest of the costs. Neither of us wanted a big fancy affair and we were working with a strict budget, however my family, while not overly large, is VERY close and there really was no way to get the numbers below 65 and still invite all those who we really wanted there. With that in mind we were doing our best to plan a nice, if casual, wedding on a very strict budget.

The wedding planning proceeds with only a few minor issues, the most expensive being my MIL insisting we move the wedding from the (much cheaper) Sunday afternoon to a Saturday because ‘she has to go to church’ (despite the fact she often misses church for less important reasons than attending her only sons CHURCH WEDDING). For our attendants I was having my Sister as my MOH and my future SIL as bridesmaid. I was very adamant that I didn’t want my wedding to be a financial strain on our bridal party so despite our limited budget I agreed to pay for the bridesmaids shoes, accessories, hair, makeup and any alterations required as well as any dress costs above $150AUD (they got to pick their own dresses which ended up coming to $220AUD total). My MIL was paying for my SIL’s dress and she agreed that $150 was reasonable. I paid for the girls dresses outright and my MIL was to pay me back – naturally this never happened and that money came out of our already very limited honeymoon spending money.

Now the church we had chosen is a very beautiful old church and the room we hired for the reception is plain but still nice with stunning views of Sydney harbor from the balcony. We decided to cut costs that we wouldn’t need any church decorations and we would just put up some very simple decorations in the reception venue. Once informed, my MIL was having none of that and insisted that she, and only she, be allowed to decorate both church and venue and that she would be arriving at the church at 10.30am (it was a 12pm wedding) in order to do so. We agreed (didn’t have much choice really) and asked her if she would mind driving our son to the photo locations we had chosen after the ceremony – we could not have him in the wedding cars as they could not fit a baby seat. She was happy enough to do this and as she had been to the photo location with us when picked it (and as it was on the same street and only minutes away from the reception venue) we gave her the address again and everything seemed fine.

The wedding day dawned and I was incredibly excited, if a little tired, my MIL had refused to allow my SIL to take the night off her job and so she did not arrive at my house until 1am the morning of the wedding – despite the fact that we had to be up at 6.30am to be at the hairdressers at seven. As the car carrying us girls neared the church the driver got a call on her mobile – my MIL, the woman who had stated she would be at the church 1 ½ hours ago to decorate it, still hadn’t arrived. The driver drove us around the area for about 15 or 20 minutes until we finally got a call saying she was there and we could make our entrance.

At this point I wasn’t too fussed, the decoration of the venues hadn’t been a high priority with me in the first place and I had much more important things on my mind anyway. We arrived at the church while my poor ushers were hurriedly distributing order of service booklets (my MIL had possession of them) and, I’m thankful to say, the ceremony was wonderful. I was escorted down the isle by my mother and my baby son, managed to get through my vows without crying too much, and finally left the church on the greatest high of my life.

As we were going for the photos my MIL approached us and said she wanted to drop the wedding favors at the reception hall and then would meet us at the park, she confirmed again it was the same place we went to last time and we said it was. I should stress again that the park was on the same street as the reception venue and we also reminded her of this fact and said it was next to the wharf. I was to find out later that my stepfather had offered her the use of his mobile phone in case she had any problems but she refused to take it. Now my MIL never turned up at the photo location but, while I was a little upset that I didn’t get photos of my son done, I figured she got waylaid at the venue and we would meet her back there.

We arrived at the reception and my parents asked me where my MIL was, they informed us she had left shortly after us and hadn’t been seen since. Hearing this I started to panic a little wondering where she could possibly be with my son, as hours passed and after my stepfather had left the reception and driven around looking for her only to come back and report that he had no luck ,this panic grew.

Finally my MIL turned up at the reception – an hour before it was due to finish! She then proceeded to abuse the both of us for supposedly never turning up at the park and told us she had been there the entire time, when we questioned her she confirmed that yes she had been at the park next to the wharf and we weren’t there and ‘obviously we had gone somewhere else because we didn’t want her at the wedding’ This is despite the fact that multiple people were able to confirm that yes, we WERE there and she wasn’t. Eventually the best man's father who was acting as MC was able to talk her into coming upstairs and joining the party, by this stage we had our photographer there for an hour over the time booked (costing us even more) because we really wanted some photos taken with my husbands entire family and some with just his mum (she stood there with an incredibly sour look on her face through all these photos). We quickly rushed through the cake cutting and the speeches which had been delayed until she turned up, for her speech she decided to stand up and tell everyone how worthless my husband was and insulted him for about five minutes straight – offending my entire family in the process as they all adore him. Not once in her speech did she even mention me.

Nearly six months on and she still blames us for her behavior that day, I cannot say she ruined my wedding because I don’t believe anyone could have done that as long as my husband turned up but I do believe she gave it her best shot. We also still have yet to receive a card from her (I certainly don’t expect a present but I do feel she would have wanted to buy a card for her only sons wedding).

WickedWitches0302-06

I got engaged on a Tuesday. On Friday my Future MIL called me up and told me to look at a website with dresses for my fiancé's 3 year old niece to wear while being our flower girl. We had not yet asked about the niece being a flower girl (though it was our intention). All of the dresses on the website were white. Being that my brother was standing for me, and his brother was standing for him, I definitely wanted some flower girl dresses (fiancé also has a 2 year old niece) that would add color to our day. FMIL told me she would pay for the 3 year old's dress, I should just let her know what I wanted. I told her I hadn't decided what color I wanted, but would let her know when I found something I liked. 

On Saturday I took FMIL and MOB to the bridal dress shop and let them have their fun dressing me up (so I could shop without pressure at a later date.) I included FMIL because she had all sons and I thought she would enjoy it. I told FMIL I had decided on purple for the flower girl dresses. She proceeded to find a yellow dress and tried to convince me it was perfect. Later, as we were leaving the dress shop she revisited the yellow dress and I reiterated that I was thinking purple. On the way home she said that I must mean lilac or lavender, not purple. 

She asked who my fiancé was going to have as best man. I told her as far as I knew he was going to ask his younger brother. When she got home she asked the brother, denying my fiancé the opportunity to do so. She asked what the men were going to wear and I told her tuxedos. She wanted to know why not morning suits? The next two months all she showed any interest in was the flower girl dress. (It's nice she was showing interest, but this was to the point of obsession. That's allllllll I heard about.) So I decided to spend a day finding the flower girl dresses and be done with it. I found the perfect purple dress, off the rack, on clearance. FMIL decided that since I picked it out, she was no longer going to pay for it. 

FMIL showed me a pink outfit she was planning to order to wear to the wedding. When it came she didn't like it and returned it, which I knew, but it had been a nice outfit and I thought I didn't need to be involved in her choice of outfit as she seemed to be on the right track. She showed up at the wedding in black, with a black hat that several people thought had a black veil that could be pulled down for mourning purposes. (My husband later informed me that her style and color of outfit were very popular for Victorian weddings many years ago. Unfortunately history buffs were in the minority at our wedding.) 

My parents invited his parents for dinner so we could go over details and fiancé and I could share the decisions we had been making about our wedding and make sure all were accommodated to the best of our ability. We asked for picture requests that we could pass along to the photographer. FMIL had none, but on the day was vocal about, "Aren't you going to get a picture of...???" many times. We asked for feedback and suggestions on prayers and readings. FMIL had none, and we finalized our service with the priest. A week later FMIL came to us with a prayer she would like included. I told her our service was planned, but we would love for her to read it at the reception before we ate. Unfortunately she failed to tell me that it was my responsibility to get the prayer she wanted read to the reception and to her so she could read it. 

My fiancé and I hired a girl from church to take the 3 year old flower girl to the church playroom after she walked down the aisle. The 3 year old wasn't interested when the time came, so the girl just kept an eye on her while she sat in the front row during the ceremony. The 3 year old fell asleep and had a teenage girl sitting next to her watching her, and my parents sitting behind her watching her. FMIL got up from her seat during the middle of our ceremony, walked across the aisle and picked up the sleeping 3 year old causing the girl to wake up very unhappy, and thus, very loud. She's certainly not as difficult as some of the people in ehell, but it was stress I did not need prior to or during my wedding!

WickedWitches0112-06

I will give you a short history. My father and I have not had the greatest history. My parents have been divorced for 18 years since my southern gentleman of a father walked out on my mom the day she came home with my youngest brother and their fourth child. Well he is now on his fourth wife and we get along alright but the woman almost ruined my wedding!

I got engaged last April and was so thrilled since my Husband and I had been together for 5 years and have a son together. I went to my father to have a talk about the money. Of course I did not just expect he would give me money, but since he helped pay for my half-sisters and his step-daughters wedding, I assumed he would be contributing to mine. Well he basically said that if my mom was not contributing than he was not either. My mom does not have the money to contribute which I tried to explain to him. He even went so far as to say, "What has she been doing with all the child support money I have been giving her?". I could not believe it! I wound up walking out of the meeting crying as my husband tried to explain that this was not about getting back at my mother and was instead about honoring me. Well, I did not talk to him for a couple weeks. Then he called and asked me to come over and talk to him. 

During this non-speaking period I had completely revised my wedding plans. I moved the date up a year, moved it to another city and drastically reduced the list of people invited. My step-mom and dad were shocked by this but agreed to give a certain amount of money (this money paid for a majority of the reception).

Fast forward to the wedding day. I put the whole wedding together in about 3 months and managed to keep my sanity. I was running late to my own wedding though and when I got there I realized my mom - who had my son with her - was not there yet. Since my son was the one that was going to walk me down the aisle, I would not start without him. About 15 mins. past the time the wedding was suppose to start, my minister said he had to go to another wedding! I was bawling, but I did not have a choice but to wait for him to come back. The wedding was outside so we were quickly losing daylight and my guests hearing that there was a delay were walking back to their cars to go and get a drink! I cannot blame them but this was not how I wanted my wedding to be remembered. I asked my photographer to tell them to go back to their spots and I would walk down and stand next to my husband until the minister got back. It was then that my photographer mentioned that she could marry us. I said "Lets do it" and I got myself together and walked down the pier with my son. 

Afterwards we all went and had a nice seated dinner without all the usual fanfare like first-dance and cake etc. It was a lovely restaurant though. The problem that I later heard about was that the whole wedding my Step Mom was complaining about the wedding being a disaster! Then at the reception, she went around to all the tables and in her sweet southern accent told my guests that even though the wedding was a disaster, the reception would be nice because she and my father were paying for it!!!! My grandparents-in-law actually almost got up and moved to get away from her! I am so embarrassed now that I think about it since she sat next to my husbands boss and flaunted money. It just goes to show that money does not buy morals or class.

WickedWitches0130-06

My MIL can be a real piece of work. I knew this, however, as her son and I had been living together for three years prior to our wedding. She is very needy, and tries to keep her sons as "Mama's boys" which works with the younger, but thankfully not with my husband. Obviously, she thinks his backbone is all my fault! She is also extraordinarily materialistic and thinks all love can be shown by "things". Or at least dollar signs.

Anyway, my husband and I wanted to throw a classy wedding, and were paying for it all ourselves as we are both working professionals and didn't feel that parents are obligated to chip in. Also, we wanted to maintain control over the proceedings. Thank goodness we did that! We planned to marry in my church in the city we live in, and have our reception for 130 at a fantastic converted train station with gourmet food and full bar. His mother nearly flipped out! She *insisted* that we move the entire wedding to her small town (where my husband grew up) where you could get fried chicken, mashed taters, and cabbage rolls for $23 per plate! Then we could afford to invite all 350 people she thought should be invited (more people = more prezzies you know). Not exactly the kind of wedding we were looking for. I don't want to show up at my own wedding and have to be introduced to the guests! Besides the fact that 75% of the guests we planned to invite were within 20 minutes of our city destination, and they would all have to drive two hours to get to the small town, where there are no hotels or cabs. That whole idea got laughed down, but not without much griping right up until the day of.

The worst thing that happened came later, though. Our wedding turned out absolutely beautiful. Everyone said it was the best wedding they'd ever been to, people had a wonderful time, and the speeches left hardly a dry eye in the house, with both laughter and sentiment. Even my husband, who has a difficult time speaking due to a speech impediment, gave a wonderful short tribute to me, my parents, and his mother. I was proud of him. Two months later his cousin was married. There is definitely an air of competition between my MIL and her only sibling, this cousin's father. The cousin had the standard cookie-cutter 400-person small-town wedding in that same hall she wanted us to get married at. His parents had paid for the entire she-bang, as her parents were not well off, and the standard tradition out that way is that children shouldn't have to pay for their own weddings, even if they are fully grown adults. It was a nice wedding, for sure, and I'm happy for them. The cousin gave a wonderful touching speech to his parents that was very well received. This cousin is a teacher, and speaks very well. It was nice.

Later, during the dancing part, my MIL approached my husband and told him that she was disappointed at our wedding and even more so now that he didn't say such nice things to her as his cousin said to his aunt! AGH! I didn't find out she said this until the next day, as my husband knew that I'd be furious and it would ruin my night. He just shrugged it off as another of his mother's stupid comments. It wasn't until a week or so later that we were watching a movie with his brother, who reported that the cousin had purchased a diamond necklace for his mother and given it to her at the rehearsal. The real reason she was disappointed was because she hadn't received a shiny trinket at her own son's wedding! Let's see...cousin had a full-on fundraising stag and doe party that raised $9000, plus a guest list of 400 that I'm sure brought in quite a load of cash (tacky to say, I know, but that's the reason she wanted us to invite everyone under the sun!), and mommy and daddy had paid for everything from the dress to the decorations to the dinner. I'd say he could spare a few hundred for a necklace for his mother to thank her for that outlay. None of that matters, of course. What makes me furious is that a mother would make her son feel bad about himself because she's so bloody greedy (and competitive).

WickedWitches0209-06

MOH is helping me get dressed; we're a bit rushed since the ceremony is due to start soon. Fortunately, she helped me through all the fittings and knows just what to do. The dressing room is very small, so when FMIL demands to be let in to "help," MOH politely, regretfully tells her no thanks, we've got everything in hand.

Fast forward through a beautiful ceremony. My now-MIL walks straight up to me afterwards and yanks some piece of fabric at the back of my dress. Her first words to me are not, "Welcome to the family," "You've made my son so happy," or any such. They are a loud, snapped-out, "You had something STICKING OUT of your DRESS through the WHOLE THING-- it's fixed now." And she walks away. Fortunately I am in too much of a happy daze to even register what she has said, although I notice people giving her some odd looks. (Later, testimony from others and a review of wedding pictures will confirm that there was nothing sticking out-- MIL was either imagining things or, well, just bitter. We haven't talked much since.)

WickedWitches0403-06

 I just want to say first and foremost that I absolutely adore your sight and have shared it with all of my friends, even though I have to admit, one of my friends and I are going to get married quite soon and some of these stories have really scared the pants off us.   

This story is mainly about my SIL's mother who was and still is the rudest and tackiest woman I or anyone else I know have ever had the misfortune to come across.   When my brother ("Sean") got engaged my future SIL's mother ("Fathead") made no secret of the fact that she thought my brother beneath her daughter ("Tanya"). Now, I adore my brother to death and may as a result be more than a little biased, but he's a sweet person who's funny, financially stable and really quite handsome. Furthermore, it was my future SIL who made the first move, so the MOB should have just shut her trap, but she just kept blabbing on about how she had wanted her daughter to marry a doctor or lawyer. Mind you they were about as well of as were financially, it wasn't as if they were Melbourne's rich elite or anything.   Note: The MOB is still quite young, about 37, and my SIL was 20 at the time. You'll see why I felt the need to mention this later.   

Now my SIL is quite beautiful in some people's opinion and in others looks a bit like a horse. I personally found her to be quite pretty and thought she was a lovely person, although as the only daughter she had grown up to be a little pampered and quite under her mother's thumb.   I was at the time studying full time and was honestly too busy and help them plan anything, but did go over frequently in the evenings after school to listen to her ideas and make mental lists of things our family needed to do etc. In our culture it is tradition that the groom's family take care of the wedding and furniture for the house, while the bride's family buys the bedroom suite and kitchen things and bed linens and such. So basically we all knew who needed to take care of what from the beginning.   

Then it all started. MOB tells FOG that his son, my brother, is basically a man-whore and is therefore unworthy of her daughter. My father, who everyone in the community adores, loses a lot of sleep over this, but says nothing. I only found out because Fathead herself told me herself, amid her inappropriate remarks and jokes about sex and male genitalia, what she had told my father. I went home pretty upset but didn't say anything.   

I am asked to be bridesmaid and accept. Beside me there are three of her highschool friends, my youngest sister who was 14 at the time, two groomsmen (that's right, only two) and Sean's best friend as best man and his wife as MOH. But we are not asked to help in any of the planning because Tanya and Fathead apparently have everything under control, which is fair enough, we're all very busy people.   I did my best to make Tanya a part of my social life, if only to make her feel accepted. I introduced my friends to her and we went out a few times and then went back to Tanya's house - where Fathead was waiting. Fathead would sit there making inappropriate remarks to all of us about sex and the like, knowing full well these as girls deeply embedded in our culture (we are encouraged to wait until marriage) we were all still virgins and here she was terrifying us out of our wits with stories of wedding nights ending up in hospitals and stitches, before suddenly embarking on endless religious rants (can you follow her thought process here? how did she jump from one to the other) about really weird things. It was almost like she was starting up her own faith, the things she was saying were ridiculous. Needless to say, the friends didn't visit her again.   

Then comes the engagement party. My brother and SIL are announced and they come out, this really good looking couple, both looking fantastic, and as they're having their first dance Fathead runs out of the room literally howling. Like something out of a really bad, 70's daytime movie/soap opera. Luckily the couple didn't notice, even though the guests did.   One of the bridesmaids, who Tanya had told everyone had a really good voice, got up to screech a song that she had written herself, Everyone sat squirming in their seats feeling really embarrassed for her, but she ploughed on, bless her heart. Tanya jumped up and ran to hug her friend, probably hoping that she would cut the song short, but she didn't, and it ended up looking very awkward and she still had the second verse and a chorus and a third verse and a chorusX2 (it was a sloooow ballad by the way) which she completed over Tanya's shoulder, as Tanya kept hugging her through the rest of the song.   

Photo time comes around and Fathead manipulates the photographer who is quite surly, probably because my older sister was there with her husband and at one point this man had tried to seduce her (and my best friend later on!!!) quite unsuccessfully while he was still married. So he was more than willing to follow Fathead's demands and almost completely ignore our family when it came to the pictures.   

Bridesmaid dress shopping time: Tanya ends up picking up these horrible hot pink and black numbers that Fathead apparently fell in love with on her last visit and insists that we're to wear them. Mind you Fathead has really gaudy tastes. Every time she talked about decorating something - ANYTHING, ribbons somehow, always, had to be involved. Anyway I don't kick up a fuss about the dresses because it is after all, Tanya's wedding. She also starts talking about one of her bridesmaids being too fat, and her worries that we weren't going to able to find a size that would accommodate her, and should she kick her out? And also how one of the other girls had just invited herself into the wedding party and she didn't want her there in the first place. Luckily the gaudy dress came in all sizes, so we order five and I don't breath a word of this to anyone.   

My older sister throws Tanya a kitchen tea out of pity, as Tanya's MOH is an overseas bride and doesn't speak a word of English, and her friends did not show the inclination to. But it was really good, the food was great, everyone turned up and we played games with prizes and we spent the whole afternoon laughing until we had tears in our eyes.   

Hens night: This is normally something we do when just all the females on the wedding guest list are invited, a hall is decorated, food is catered and a DJ is hired and all the ladies can basically just let go. This is not a bachelorette party. My family go there to help decorate the hall on the day, although the hen's night is complete Family of Bride responsibility. None of the bridesmaids other than myself and my younger sister are there. We are told to be there at a certain time and are kept waiting for almost an hour. Fathead swans around acting like the Queen of Sheba and insists that tables are divided into "her" guests, and "our" guests. I miss out on my high school reunion all together, which I was planning on popping into on my way home to get ready for the night. That night hardly any of Fathead's guests arrive, and she redirects "our" guests to "her" side, to make it appear full. "Our" guests migrate back to "our" side and leave her looking quite foolish.   

Wedding day: Wedding party all go to one hairdresser and bride goes to another to avoid running late. Fathead tells us she made the appointments for us at 7am and that our do's would cost $20 each because she was getting a deal because there were so many of us. My brother gives me the money the night before, as he is paying. We ended up waiting for over an hour and a half for the hairdresser to open. When I complained the hairdresser gave me a blank look and said, "I told her nine. I'm actually early." Grrrrrr. So we get our hair done and I go to pay him and he asks, "What's this?" and I said, "I need to pay you," and he tells me that our hair costs $85 each, that he has NEVER done anyone for $20, that he had told Fathead they would cost $85, and that he had no idea why she had told us half price.

Now in our tradition, at the weddings, which are normally quite big, guests bring gifts of money or gold instead of presents. The amount is free for the guest to choose, whatever they can afford, and really it just takes the stress out of wedding present shopping and the couple can spend the money as they see fit. I, as a family member, had a generous amount on me for just this purpose, and you guessed it, I ended up using it all to pay for the hairdressers, and still I had to promise to bring the remainder the next day.   We all got out of there and went back to Tanya's house to get ready, where Tanya had a conniption fit because her BM's were wearing colored contacts and therefore their eyes would stand out in the photos. 

It was a ridiculously hot day, but aside from that we were in good spirits. When my brother and family who weren't in the bridal party came for the 'get the bride' ceremony someone who Tanya's family barely knew refused to open the door and screeched out, "We've changed out minds, we're not letting you have her!" for about a solid ten minutes like a broken record while Fathead tittered stupidly in the background.   

Photos: The bridal party drive around with the photographer all day to scenic locations to take photos. Family joins us for photos in the park and then go home while the bridal party continue rest of photos alone Fathead monopolizes photographer, storming about and being a general idiot and such. My older sister and brother-in-law join us so that he can drive us around and she can hold valuables and be of general help to us. The bridesmaid that "forced herself in" proceeds to squish herself up to my brother (the groom!) in photos at every opportunity, get in his face, laugh coquettishly, etc, while telling everyone that she really wanted her cousin to partner her as groomsman instead of her brother, because her cousin was 'hotter'. All other BM's are fuming, and bride is mumbling because the MOH is not holding the bride's train every time she deigns take a step. MOH is feeling very left out and lonely (remember she doesn't speak English well) her own husband is ignoring her and making her feel more miserable, so my sisters and I do what we can to make her feel more welcome and she was actually very sweet.   

Wedding Reception: one of the BM's (the singer) finds out that she hasn't been given a place on the bridal table with the rest of us and has instead, been banished to sit with Family of bride. Now I know this was very selfish of me, but I didn't offer to trade places with her owing to my feelings towards Fathead. BM in question spent a lot of the evening crying and feeling very unwanted, as she's a sensitive soul, bless her heart. So we (other BM's) had to comfort her, say hello to guests, check on bride and dance around her to make sure dance floor doesn't look empty.   

Time to pin on money presents: Fathead tries to position camera man where she wants him to be able to catch on camera exactly HOW MUCH guests are pinning on so she can watch it later. Camera man flatly refuses, and so do my and the rest of her family. Talk about tacky.   It is custom for the bridesmaids to hold baskets filled with nicely wrapped chocolates. When people pin money or come up to wish the couple well, the bridesmaids offer them chocolates. These baskets are decorated, and it was agreed that Fathead would decorate one and my mother would decorate another, as there are many guests at these weddings and you need at least one basket full of chocolate waiting on standby as we run out quite quickly. My mother spent a lot of time on her basket. One BM and I grab these baskets and stand next to the couple, offering them to guests as they pass. Fathead yanks the baskets out of our hands, hissing, "We don't need you!", and basically shoos us away like we're farm animals. She kicks my mother's basket under a table so no one can see, and once her own basket runs out of chocolates, spends 10 minutes emptying my mother's basket out into her own so that not only did many of the guests miss out on chocolates, but my mother's feeling were extremely hurt.   

After the wedding Fathead went onto to moan to everyone that would listen that my brother had taken away her Tanya from her, and that Tanya was her best friend in the whole wide world, and how many mothers were there who were lucky enough to have that kind of relationship with their daughter and what would she do now she had lost it?   You know how they say you don't marry the family? Well *BEEP* wrong, try again, you most definitely do, and I feel really really sorry for my poor brother has to put up with her but at least the rest of my family never have to really see her ever again! I'm sorry this was a very long story and as a result you probably won't be using it but it was really nice to vent. I will be writing more about the exploits of Fathead at another time, because she just doesn't stop.

WickedWitches0628-06

I was married over a year ago.  My husband had been married once before, and I don’t have a lot of family.  Both of our families live out of state from us. He wanted to get married in Vegas, I agreed.  If people have to fly in anyway, they may as well fly somewhere that is 1. less expensive to fly to/from and 2. where there is something for everyone to do.  Not to mention that I was on a limited budget and wanted to have a very elegant and therefore it had to be a small wedding.

We went with the MGM Grand, sent out save the date cards 6 months in advance and invitations 2 months in advance as the caterers needed to solidify everything 2 weeks prior to the event.  We actually ended up having a very nice ceremony, were able to incorporate both family’s faith’s and traditions (Catholic/Jewish) There were a couple of minor things at the reception, but I was prepared for this as we planned it via phone and email, and I knew I was the only one who would notice!

Sounds good, right? Sooooo wrong…

My aunt, who I am not close to and is related via marriage decided to bring her daughter B… who in turn decided to bring her friend… ???? I don’t know these people!  They apparently were drunk before the ceremony and ended up getting seats in the front row (very small chapel, my family had to move back a couple rows) The friend picked up a guy and brought him…

While the reception started in the ballroom down the hall and my new hubby and I took pictures, apparently my aunt got even more intoxicated, started making rude remarks about my mother (they never liked each other) and had to be escorted back to her room to sleep it off… the cousin and friend and random guy never came back… the expense was $120/head… not to mention no card/gift/nothing.

I should have expected it!

Not to mention 2 other family members who “forgot” to pack their clothing for the trip and ended up coming to my black tie affair in jeans with holes in them and t-shirts…

On the up side, we’re happily married with new baby and have a (now) hilarious story to tell… Did I mention that my cousin’s friend sobbed uncontrollably throughout the whole thing? We found that out on our wedding video much later.

 WickedWitches0727-06

My Husband has six sisters.  I asked two of them to be bridesmaids, but I didn't ask his sister Mindy, for two reasons: first, she had been in two weddings the previous year and did not nothing but complain about the cost and time commitment.  (I took that as a hint she didn't want to be asked).  Second, when she was MoH at her own sister's wedding a few months earlier, she stood up on the altar CHEWING GUM.  Not discreetly, either, but rather like a cow chewing it's cud, and she looked totally bored.   I guess she felt put out, but never came out and said anything.  She did, however, keep pressing me for details about my wedding gown.   

Fast forward to my wedding.  Everything was as perfect as I had hoped for, until I saw Mindy.  She was wearing a white dress, with a boat neckline, 3/4 sleeves, and a V back......just like me.  As the photographer was setting up his equipment in the function hall, I quietly told him I wanted her in NO pictures, save the whole family portrait my FIL asked for.  He readily complied.  I decided not to let it bother me, and I had the time of my life at my wedding!  Here's a funny footnote:  the following year, at a cousin's wedding, another sister wore an off-white dress to which Mindy admonished her, "Gee, Kathy, don't you know you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding!"

WickedWitches0910-06

My mother was the Wickedest Witch of any wedding ever.  She started by criticizing every idea I had for the wedding.  But never offering her own suggestions.  I was left in a fog as to what to do.  So I started planning the wedding I wanted.  Mother promptly changed everything,  and I mean EVERYTHING, but the groom!  The date, church, reception hall, invitation, food, flowers - you name it, she changed it.  I just gave up and let her do her thing, only to be told I was not participating in my own wedding plans and did I expect her to do it all herself.

Needless to say, thing got pretty tense around the house.  The final blow was when she wouldn't let me address my invitation "because of my terrible handwriting."  That did it.  I packed up and moved into the apartment my future hubby and I had rented.  I didn't speak to her for over a month before the wedding.  Mother then had cards printed and addressed to send to the guess telling them the wedding was cancelled. (they never got mailed)

My future SiLaws planned a lovely shower for me.  Mother cancelled it.  Said she would take care of it.  I ended up with a very small shower my mother threw together. 

Things went from bad to worse.  I finally told Mother (through a third party) that I would just show up when told too.  I don't remember the day and I don't care too.  I have very few pictures, because Mother wouldn't hire a photographer.  One of her friends could take pictures.  No need for a limo either when uncle has a nice Cadillac we could use. (Too bad it was only a 2 door and back seat was full of dog hair.)  

Do I sound bitter? Yes, this woman ruined my wedding day.  I pray I don't do it to my own daughter.  Oh, by the way this wedding took place 38 years ago.  Still have the same hubby!

WickedWitches1224-06

We JUST got married and people keep telling me I need to write this stuff down, so...   Let me preface this by saying that there are two things at a wedding I knew I couldn't control:  the weather, and other people's behavior.  The weather was perfect.   I think we can safely say that my MIL's side of the family (as well as a couple of others) lacks social graces.  Here are the highlights.   

We invited around 30 people from MIL's family.  We got THREE responses (all with regrets) and one response arrived 3 days before the wedding.   

My groom J's, mother is remarried and has two late-30's-aged stepsons who were ushers in the wedding.  Before the wedding she said TWICE, IN FRONT OF J, that they would not be staying for the morning-after breakfast b/c her husband didn't really care for these things, so they needed to make the trip as short as possible.  Gee, sorry for the inconvenience.   

Friday night, rehearsal at the church.  They do a mock ceremony and then you chat with the priest and whatnot.  Well, we did the mock ceremony and my sister had made really pretty pew bows so we were asking the priest where we could store them when we realized MIL, StepFather, and the 2 usher stepsons were gone.  Long gone.  We get in the car and J is PO'd.  He thinks they're not coming to the rehearsal dinner.  I assure him that I gave his mother directions to the restaurant earlier in the week and he feels a bit better.  Still upset though.  We get to the restaurant, and sure enough, they are there.  At the bar.  I could have called that one.   

I had sent out a weekend itinerary to everyone earlier in the week.  (Yes, I am anally organized.)  One of the items on it was "Leaving the church, go around the corner and back in through the side door for pictures on the altar.  After these pictures, go to the reception site and out back into the garden, weather permitting, for outdoor photos."  The whole ceremony went very well.  Can't complain there.  So we're taking pics on the altar and the photographer calls for J's side of the family to get up there with us.  Guess what?  Gone.  His mother, stepfather, and the two ushers.  You should have seen J's face... he looked so hurt.  Luckily there was traffic backup leaving the church so one of the groomsmen was able to catch them in their car before they left.  I was LIVID.    

We get to the reception site and now I can't get them away from the bar for the outdoor pictures.  His mother finally decides to step away from the bar but instead of coming down to the garden where the rest of us are, she stands up at the top of the hill, for all of us AND all the guests to see, posing like a supermodel (she's 60!) while her Friend took pics.  And no, I am not exaggerating.  This is a woman who gives her son portraits of herself as birthday gifts.  Just what every man wants... "Glamour Shot" photos of his Mom.  She and the two ushers kept sneaking back into the cocktail hour to get drinks.  Grow.  Up.   

I finally got sick of trying to herd all these people into one place so we just wrapped up the pics and I said, very clearly, everyone into the hotel for the announcements, as we would be walking out the back door and down some steps when announced.  We get inside and the DJ says, "Ok, let's go over name pronunciations.  First we have Mother and StepFather of Groom....are they here?"  We both took a look around said, "Skip it."   I was through trying to baby-sit a bunch of people old enough to be my grandparents who all have the collective maturity of a 14 yo boy.  The ring bearer was more mature than they were.   

His stepfather proceeded to get so drunk at dinner that he had to be helped up from the dinner table to go into the other room for dancing.   

His stepbrothers/ushers are wine lovers.  So I had two gift baskets and two bottles of wine sent up to their room.  They never even mentioned it.  Didn't so much as get us a card.  It was pretty evident that they were there for the open bar, not the wedding. 

My late nephew's friend C has a baby with a girl, K.  About an hour into the dancing I guess they shut her off at the bar, so she came running onto the dance floor screaming at C at the top of her lungs about God knows what.  They practically had to pull her off of him and C's father and my sister ended up sitting outside the hotel with her, babysitting. -I was trying to chat w/ people and ignore the drunken C/K fiasco, when all of a sudden someone says, "Oh my God... who is THAT guy?"  I look and it's MIL's Friend's boyfriend, R.  MIL had asked me to please invite R to the wedding along with her Friend because "he's not accepted by the other friends so they don't get to go to many events together."  Well now we know why.  I tell them who he is and the woman says, "Well he just totally felt up your SISTER!"    He apparently also grabbed another boob belonging to someone else before the evening was over. But  like I said, the weather was perfect ;)

WickedWitches1016-06

 In July of 2005, my best friend "S" got engaged to her high school sweetheart (although this was almost ten years after they had graduated, and they had stopped dating for about seven years in the middle of this time period) and she asked me to be a bridesmaid.  S is one of the sweetest and most courteous people that you will ever meet, but this is not the case with the rest of her family.  I kind of had an idea what her family was like before since we've been friends for years, but I didn't quite know how bad they were until I got involved in the wedding.   

1.  S's cousin, we'll call her "B".  B is a couple of years older than S (more than old enough to know better) and they have lived in the same town their whole lives, but they have never gotten along very well.  As I said, S got engaged in July of 2005, and they set their wedding date for a weekend in August 2006 shortly thereafter.  B got engaged in March 2006 (to a man she had known for about a month) and promptly announced that she was having her wedding the weekend before S.  When questioned by one of S's other cousins, she reportedly admitted that she wanted to have her wedding before S so that if any family members could only afford to buy one wedding present or go to one wedding, they would go to hers and not S's.  Eventually the family talked her into moving her wedding to September 2006, but from then on she told EVERYONE repeatedly about how Big Bad S had "bullied her into changing her wedding date just so S could get all of the presents, even though S had set her wedding date roughly 8 months before B ever even got engaged.  "Then, she kept pumping S for the details of her wedding plans.  Whenever S would tell B anything she was planning for her wedding, B call her ideas/plans "tacky".  But then guess who copied of the exact same details in her own wedding?  You got it - after trashing S's ideas for centerpieces, party favors, wedding cake, et cetera, B had almost the exact same things for her wedding.    

Also, at the bridal shower (which B was invited to for some strange reason), B was overheard talking crap about S - saying that S was so "fake" when she acted excited and grateful for the presents she was given.   Also, in the women's restroom at the reception hall, I personally overheard her telling someone on her cell phone that S looked like a fat cow in her wedding dress and that she was going to pop out of her dress at any moment, which beyond being completely rude was also completely untrue - S was never fat to begin with, but then health problems during the engagement caused her to lose so much weight that the dress had to keep getting taken in throughout the months, and was still about a size too big on the day of the wedding.  If anything, S looked a bit too thin on her wedding day, and she was certainly not about to pop out of her dress.  Unlike B, who had gained at least 30 lbs over the course of her engagement, but had seemly refused to by larger clothing.   

2.  S's grandma, we'll call her "Grandma G".  Grandma G originally got angry with S when S refused to ask B to be a bridesmaid.  Grandma G had been playing favorites between her grand daughters for some time.  S and her husband were paying for the majority of the wedding themselves, so they had to save money where they could.  In an effort to help them save money, the two families agreed to make all of the food for the reception.  Grandma G was asked to make some of her famous turkey mole because it was S's favorite food.  Grandma G first said that she could not make the mole because she could not afford to buy the ingredients.  Then, when S offered to pay for the ingredients, Grandma G said that she didn't have any time to do it.  Fine, they would do without the mole.  However, when B got engaged, not only did Grandma G pay for the whole wedding, but she spent a huge amount of time helping B plan the wedding and getting all of the last minute details.    

Anyway back to the story, Grandma G was upset with S for not asking B to be a bridesmaid.  To show her support of B, Grandma G showed up to S's wedding wearing a SWEAT SUIT in B's wedding colors.  At the time, I didn't pick up on the fact that grey (or silver) and purple were B's wedding colors - I just wondered what the #$&% she was doing in a sweat suit at her granddaughter's wedding.  And it's not like she could only afford one outfit, so she wore the same sweat suit to both weddings.  She wore a very nice new purple dress to B's wedding.  Grandma G also refused to be in all but 1 of the pictures, and in the 1 picture she is in, she is positively GLOWERING into the camera.    

Then, Grandma G proceeded to get rip roaringly drunk at the reception, and along with B's mother (also drunk) started to yell insults about S, S's mother (her own daughter), S's father, brother, groom, et cetera.  She was eventually CARRIED out of the reception hall, slung over S's brother's shoulder like an extremely angry and abusive sack of potatoes and stuck in a cab.  She has yet to apologize to S for the horrible scene she made.   There's more, but this is already so long.  Suffice to say, S's family did their best to ruin her day.  Luckily, S was able to keep in mind that the most important thing was that she was marrying the love of her life, and she didn't let them upset her too badly.     

WickedWitches1019-06

I have been married for 15 years but you never forget bad incidents. My wedding was a country wedding and the attendees were all Cajun people, Cajuns do things differently. Family members aunts, grandmothers, etc. bring food and plenty of it to a wedding which usually means that the catering is not needed and mine was one of those. My husband's mother (step mother)  insisted that she would bring a groomsman cake, large ,chocolate enough for everyone and that she would bring vegetable trays as well, she showed up late, with no food and with a camera that I had reported stolen earlier that year. She took pictures of my wedding with my camera. She proceeded to insult people as well as the priest who decided to cut out parts of our wedding because he was then upset and he refused to let anyone take pictures of our wedding. So because of her I have no pictures of the wedding only the reception. She told people ugly things about my husband and bragged about her real children at the wedding. I cried in the bathroom for a while but didn't want my new husband to know that I was truly hurt and disappointed.

WickedWitches1028-06

Right after our wedding ceremony, my husband's father didn't congratulate us, rather he asked, "Can I change out of this tux now?"  Also, right after the ceremony my husband's mother went home to change out of her dress and put on SHORT white jean shorts and athletic shoes to wear to our country club reception.  The worst part of all, we had an open bar at our reception, paid for by my father, and my new MIL left our reception early to go to a BAR!!!  Wasn't she just at a free one, and not to mention her son's reception?!?

WickedWitches1110-06