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Loved the webpage! Reading up on the practice of Jack and Jills brought to mind my own experience. I went to a wedding of a very good college friend almost two years ago, and came across a custom that I have discovered many of my friends know about and whose families have practices for years! The DJ announced that the dancing was beginning, but for no couples to take to the floor quite yet. The bride took a walk around the dance floor (much like a filly at a State Fair) while the DJ asked that all men come forward and pay a dollar to dance with the bride!! Another friend relayed to me that she was locked in a room at the rehearsal and while her mother and brother grabbed a microphone  and announced that the guests would have to pay a ransom for the bride to return to the reception! The groom went to every table and guests were requested to put the money in his shoe! These traditions are totally alien to my family-- throwing the bouquet is about as crazy as we get.

Last summer, my fiancé and I attended a small informal wedding were many corners were cut in order to save money. The bride and groom did not exchange rings. The wedding and reception were held in the same facility..etc. All of these things are reasonable. But the following is not:

Several times during the reception a man announced over the loud speaker that the bride and groom could not afford to take a honeymoon, so, he reminded us, please make sure that you drop a donation in the wishing well for this beautiful young couple. But it did not stop there. By the end of the evening, he and several other members of the bridal party had gathered up buckets (Yes, I said buckets) and began to pass them around the hall, shouting, "Donations to Chris and Sherrie's honeymoon go in here!"

Posted to UseNet and deemed quite suitable for Etiquette Hell: I know exactly what you are talking about. For those you don't know about this. It is a new "tradition" that is emerging among wedding couples, especially those that are hosting their own jack and jills and those hosting the wedding on their own. It is a way for family and friends to contribute a little to the wedding and have a fun evening celebrating the new couple. If you have gambling tables, the point is too try and lose so the couple gets some money. We are only talking at the most $20. Anyway, as for ideas. You can rent crown and anchor wheels, blackjack tables. I have been to a couple of jack and jills where these are run by the wedding party will the couple mingles. Silent auctions non-silent. Try your local welcome wagon or chamber of commerce they may be able to suggest what companies in your town can supply you with some bidable items. Waterballoon or egg tosses are just fun to "throw" in. Another money grabber is place a large jar near the bar (if you are having a bar). fill it to the very rim with water. In the bottom place a shot glass. If the guest can drop a loonie (or in the US a quarter) in to the jar and have it land in the shot glass they get an extra shot in their drink for free. Test this a few times because if the water isn't right to the top or the shot glass is dead center all of your guests will be drinkin doubles. One more I have seen is lay two decks of cards out face down. Mark an X on one of them. Guests pay a dollar for each card they choose and at the end of the night a 50-50 draw is done from those proceeds. (half for the couple, half for the guest).


Just to second that, at least in Ontario, Canada, Jack and Jills (sometimes called Stag and Does) are not an simply an ordinary shower or party extended to both sexes. (i.e. with invited guests, small gifts). They are normally a dance, where tickets are sold to both cover the cost of renting a hall and providing a bit of food, and to create a cash gift for the couple. Anyone can buy a ticket to a Stag and Doe or Jack and Jill; the idea is to get as many people there as possible to raise as much money as possible. It's a cash bar, usually a DJ, and people rarely take gifts because they've already forked out cash for the ticket and then pay for booze tickets. Sometimes there are other efforts to extricate money from the attendees (they are NOT guests) such as draws or raffles. Normally these events are run in community halls, so the bar profit also goes to the organizers/couple. I know these are also big in the Winnipeg/Manitoba area of Canada too. I think they're tacky as hell, (omigod, the TACKY word), myself, and won't go to them. Sometimes, they're even advertised in local paper, if it's a small town. The idea is that everyone -- your old grade 8 classmates, if they feel like it -- gets a chance to come forward and wish you well, provided they've bought a ticket. One chum of mine married a woman this summer in a quite formal ceremony in the city I now live in, but his buddies from our small hometown, about two hours from here, threw a "stag and doe" for them; it was the local all-the-old-gang party and I doubt all that many people at that event were actually at the wedding. A weird custom, breaking all bounds of etiquette and good taste, but oh well...


We are paying for our wedding ourselves (parents are unable) and my from ones I have been too, is it's fund-raiser for the couple. Is this bad etiquette? I assume the same rule for showers go for this - only those invited to the wedding get invited to stags, stagettes, showers and Jack & Jills - can anyone help out and wither confirm or clarify!?!?


I have attended a number of Jack & Jills and I decided after the last one to avoid them at all "costs." They are tacky, tacky, tacky. The ones I have been to have been co-ed and basically money-grabbers. It costs money to attend them (you have to buy a ticket) and the whole time you are "forced" to buy other tickets for a raffle, donate money for a dance, etc.

Unfortunately, this has become somewhat of a trend in the Toronto area. Hey, instead of hosting a nice gathering of family and friends at your wedding, why not get all the money you can out of them, right???? That seems to be the thinking nowadays.

A friend of mine is getting married soon. She is having 6 showers AND a Jack & Jill. Give me a break...