|Looking for that perfect bridal shower gift? Every
bride needs a commonsense guide to the etiquette that really
matters. Let Wedding Etiquette Hell: A Bride's
Bible for Avoiding Everlasting Damnation by Jeanne
Hamilton be your guide.
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My best friend is getting married in a week, I've been waiting to send in all
that has happened until after the wedding, but after reading your site, I can't
I was married 6 years ago (today actually) and my bridezilla was my MOH. For
my bachelorette party, she hired a stripper, and said "now, everyone can
chip in $10 and we'll order pizza." My mom thankfully caught wind of this
about 2 weeks before, and hosted the party, bought all the food and alcohol and
got lost when the stripper came (I have a very cool mom!) I even bought the
invitations myself because MOH said "She didn't have the money and she'd
pay me back..." (never happened). I would also like to mention, she never
attended any showers or other events.
So imagine my surprise when I was asked to be her MOH and was told EXACTLY,
with no unclear terms what she expected (as opposed to trusting I know the
etiquette for a wedding), I am complying because it is her wedding day, and much
to my mother's disapproval I don't think I should use this time to "get
even" So I'm going to give you a list of all the things that have been
going on and call this my getting even...
1. Bride had her BM fittings in January on a weekend... no big deal right?
Wrong. MASSIVE blizzard and ice storm. I called 3 days before and told her that
it was supposed to be bad (ended up being the worst in this area in like 10
years) and suggested that she move her appointment to the next weekend for the
safety of everyone. The fitting was 45 minutes across town for everyone. She
refused, and launched into a tirade. My husband ended up driving me because I
don't drive on ice and snow well. He was greeted with "You're not allowed
here! Leave." Which was fine, he had already planned on playing pool with
my brother while we were doing fittings. I still thought it was rude, as if he
had not driven I wouldn't have gone. It took us 3 hours to get home that night
because the weather was so bad it was freezing to our windshield faster than we
could use the wipers to get it off! Thankfully no one crashed.
2. After the fitting, I find a scathing live journal blog about how the
bride's "supposed best friend and MOH" (a direct quote from her blog)
tried to talk her out of the day of her fitting and how I rely on my husband too
much and that I should "get over it" and learn to drive... there is
3. I receive demands that not only am I hosting a Bachelorette party, but a
shower as well. Everything I have read says either, or... but I agree because it
is the Bride's (hopefully) only wedding. I then receive a guest list of about 50
for the Bachelorette party. Most of whom are out of state. When I ask, I'm told
that they'll send gifts. I ended up only inviting the ones within driving
distance. I did send the ones out of state to the shower I am ashamed of saying,
but only because the Bride had called everyone and told them to expect them (no
one sent gifts though :).) The MOB wants to have the shower in her home because
the MOB mother is elderly and was worried about the stairs in my home. I agree
and spend the next 3 months trying to sort out plans.. In the end I was only
responsible for games, set up, and clean up. Which I was nice considering all
the work for the Bachelorette party. Though I kept asking for more to do so that
the MOB wouldn't be put out.
4. The Bachelorette party had many problems in itself, though most not due to
the Bride, which I will probably post at a later date. However, there were 2
problems the Bride was responsible for. I had set the date with the Bride 3
months before (I'm one of those plan early people) I verified it THREE times.
Literally the day I filled all the invites out, I receive a call at midnight,
the Bride wants to go to Vegas, so I have to figure it out, AND redo, re-stamp,
and send all the invitations. Why was she going to Vegas? A family reunion...
which she knew about months before I suggested the date.. her excuse, her mom
was making her (a 26 year old) attend. The Bride also showed up 45 minutes late!
She called the THREE people (since the party was moved from a Saturday to a
Friday.. no choice on that one) that showed that it was my fault she was late...
according to her I kept her on the phone for 30 minutes. I pulled out my cell
phone and showed them the log, I had talked to her for 2 and a half minutes. We
all laughed this off, as the Bride will probably be late to her own wedding..
5. The Bridal shower was the following weekend, and everything went great
aside from Grandma complaining about the games (I did a couple match like I gave
Harriet, and you had to insert Ozzie. I tried to pick couples that everyone
would have an equal chance of knowing) but as the MOH I did everything I could
to make sure things went well, even though the Bride had refused to play any
games, and threatened to go walk the dog. Her mom was able to talk her into not
leaving as long as we didn't play the TP bridal gown game.
6. The registry. OH MY GOD. Bride's mother and I are close, I call her my 2nd
mom. Well mom2 asked me to go with the Bride to help her with the registry as I
am usually able to talk sense into her and as I was recently married and had a
better idea of what she would need. I was able to talk her out of a great deal
of things and we had a nice registry that had a range from $5 - $100 (china). We
wanted to make sure that while no one was obligated to bring a gift, that if a
person really wanted to that they would have something in their budget.
Everything was settled... so I thought. I went to print of a registry to take a
gift to her shower, I about fell into the floor. I pulled 1 from a major
department store 50 PAGES!... she had been busy. Now added to the registry were
matching Wiis, PS2, laptops, FOUR cameras, about SIX PAGES of cds, video games
for the consoles she wants and so on. Later I looked at her other 2 registries,
they were even worse. To top that all off, there was no longer a nice range for
budget minded people, the cheapest thing on any of her lists was $25 bucks, and
those were items she said she only added so she could return them. After seeing
this, I refused to buy into the Gimme Grab, I purchased her a microwave tea
kettle (not on her registry) and have decided to create scrapbooks for her
showers as a wedding gift. Oh yeah.. she included the registry cards in her
wedding invitations! All 4 of them! I can understand a shower invitation, though
that's pushing it, but a WEDDING invitation!?
7. I later made the suggestion that some people might look at her registry
and purchase gifts at local stores, or for cheaper. (I have done this many
times, as long as you're careful to pick the EXACT item and include a gift
receipt if they need to return) The Bride's response? "I'd rather they not
get me anything at all and not come!" she has said countless times that if
people can't buy her something nice that she wants then she doesn't want them to
8. I have witnessed the Bride SCREAMING at her deployed husband about how he
wasn't going to ruin HER wedding.. I have tried many many times to remind her
that it is his wedding to, as well as try to help her understand that a wedding
in the end is a wedding, and that if she wants to start her marriage on the
right foot she needs to learn how to compromise with her FH. She sent him to
another department store to create a fifth registry, but decided he didn't
register for anything good and is not telling anyone about that one.. (I thought
about purchasing something of that one just to make sure the groom gets
something he wants)
9. She is excluding the MOG on just about everything. She refuses to be
"kidnapped" even though it is a tradition in his family, she refuses
to have a rehearsal dinner saying "If you let them have their way now,
they'll walk all over her." No garter toss (even though the groom wants
one), the groom has been told he can't invited certain military friends because
the bride doesn't know them and thinks their behavior might ruin HER day.
10. The Bride had demanded that I throw both her showers in April. I was a
student who was graduating at the end of May. (whoo!) When I explained to her
that not only was that time going to be too busy for me, but that you don't
throw showers 5 months in advance! She argued with me on that one, but in the
end said (I swear I'm not making this up), "I'll be gracious and allow you
to graduate first, and have your day." She then proceeded to make every
graduation party a wedding day. At my family dinner, my mom actually told
her, "This is not a day to talk about the wedding!" (I love my mom!) At
my graduation my cousin attended who is getting married the same day as my
Bridezilla. Bridezilla spent the WHOLE morning telling my cousin that I was not
going to her wedding because Bridezilla's was more important because she had
spent more money on her wedding. (I took my cousin aside and told her that if I
hadn't already bought my dress etc, I'd back out) I thought this stopped after I
yelled at her, but found out later she only kept it up when I wasn't watching,
my cousin went home (6 hour drive) in tears.
I keep trying to reason with the Bride that she is making herself miserable
with all her tantrums and that she should take a step back. I understand that
planning is stressful, but she is focusing so much on her details, that I'm
afraid if 1 thing doesn't go right next week that she'll see her day as ruined.
Or I'll find some insanely made up story about how everyone else ruined her day
on etiquette hell :)
When my cousin got married, at the age of 18, he of course asked his 18 year
old best friend from high school to be his best man. I don't know this
guy's name (and don't care to), so we'll just call him Jimbo. When it came
time for Jimbo to give his speech, he decided to entertain the crowd with
listing every single fast food restaurant and store he and my cousin had gotten
kicked out of during their high school years. The list was fairly
substantial. In addition, there were references to girls they had
"shared," and other trouble they had gotten into together. As if
this isn't bad enough, he decides to complete his speech by proudly reminiscing
over the "race riot" he and my cousin had started in their high
school. I guess that stuff is funny in the small town they live in, but it
sure wasn't funny to me.
A few years ago, a friend of mine was preparing for her wedding. We had been
friends since we were 12, and had always talked about being the MOH in each
other's weddings. So fast forward 8 years, and she says right away she
wants me to be the MOH, which I am thrilled. Then, a few months later, she
moves in with her hideous fiancé. I didn't agree with this, and let her
know that I would not be in the wedding, which is going to take place in a year.
She understood, and made other plans. We didn't speak for awhile, then she
calls me, and says she made a huge mistake, she has moved out (which I found out
later was a huge lie) and asks if I would still be a bridesmaid, which I agree
to. Her MOH was going to be a co-worker she had known for a few months.
Then a few weeks before the wedding, we're in the dressing room, I'm helping her
with a final fitting of her gown, when she turns to me, and begs if I would
be the MOH. "You're who I wanted in the beginning, if Jane (not her
real name) doesn't like it, too bad." So I go along with it. A
few months later, I arrive at the rehearsal, slightly early, ecstatic to be the
MOH. When a relative arrived, and placed the programs on the table at the
church, I happened to pick up one and glance over it. And guess what, Jane
is listed as the MOH. She never bothered to tell me she had decided on
Jane after all. This after I had already told my family I was the MOH.
I never got an explanation, just a bottle of body wash as a bridesmaid
gift. BTW, the wedding did not go well, the power went out at the
beginning, the reception was a tacky trail mix buffet in the church basement,
and the groom left the marriage for another man 7 months later.
I have known Ally (not her real name) since we were 14. We have always sworn
that when the time came we’d have each other in our weddings. I should never
have made such a promise.
Ally and Mark (not his real name) met in HS. I never liked him, but after
they’d dated/lived together off and on for four years and gotten engaged I
didn’t think there was much I could do to convince her. Was told after said
engagement to prepare to buy a BM dress. No call. For two years. During this
time the couple again moved in with each other and later, when they could no
longer afford that around their expensive habit of tearing apart and rebuilding
her car for car shows, they moved in with his parents together. (This is
During the two years when I am hearing nothing from BTB, I am paying my
way through college on a base-paying job. Every six months or so I would call
about the wedding. BTB never picks up the phone. Finally, at lowest financial
point of my life, Ally calls. “We’re getting married in 3 months! Meet me at
David’s Bridal and we’ll pick out a dress for you!”
I was originally supposed to be one of four BMs (including MOH). Early on,
Ally promised us that the dress would be inexpensive. After alterations, my
dress cost as much as the BTB’s gown (she got hers on sale…no such luck for
us)! Came to find out later that the MOH who was also FG’s mother and RB’s
mother and minister’s wife, had to pay not only for her dress but also for the
FG dress which was a mini-BTB gown…and was MORE EXPENSIVE than BTB’s gown!
Not like ANYONE involved in the wedding was rolling in money, but even now that
After gowns were bought parties began to be planned. BTB and her FH
registered at Wal-Mart, which seemed reasonable and (finally!) affordable. Until
I got to the store. Their registry had next-to-nothing that was under $200 on
it…and included big ticket items like big screen televisions and the entire
first season of their favorite television program. It left me in a bind because
I couldn’t afford to buy just about any of it…and all of their lower priced
items had already been purchased. And really…didn’t know what to get for a
couple who had been living together on and off for a total of five years?
BTB showed up at the Jack-and-Jill shower she’d demanded and 1) wondered
why she didn’t get better gifts 2) wondered why she didn’t get double gifts
3) demanded better/more gifts at bachelorette party and wedding. Then, when a BM
came who couldn’t afford the dress and three gifts she abruptly asked the girl
(in front of everyone) why she bothered to come at all. No thank you’s ever
said or sent.
I missed the rehearsal dinner because of another wedding I was attending, but
I guess that it was there where Ally’s Bridezilla colors truly shined. She
threw a royal hissy fit because no one was walking the way she wanted and she
couldn’t decide how to pair BM’s and GM. She threw things and screamed
everyone down saying things like “You’re all ruining my wedding!” and
“This is my wedding, we’ll do it the way I want!” It was insane and I was
glad that I’d missed it. In the aftermath she lost a BM (the one who
couldn’t afford the shower gift..the girl had bought the dress but decided on
the last night that she couldn’t handle Ally anymore).
Wedding day. I show up at MOH/Minister/FG/RB’s house. The remaining BM and
I are trying to keep RB (Age 3) and FG (Age 5) happy…while occasionally
checking on MOH and BTB. BTB is in bedroom complaining that her hair (which MOH
had spent three hours on) was not good enough. MOH should be given sainthood for
her patience. Other BM was sniped at “don’t mess up the song you’re
singing” …which made the girl even more nervous than she already was. I was
sniped at “If you cover your shoulders with that wrap I will rip it off of
your body at the altar!”
BTB had planned a limo to take everyone to the park…except hadn’t given
anyone advanced notice. My car was at the MOH’s house…and no way for me to
get back to it after the wedding…thankfully MOH offered me a ride when BTB
threw a tizzy because I suggested that I follow in my car. When we got to the
park, BTB threw another fit because her FMIL was at the wedding (the woman she
was living with…but she didn’t want her there) and almost didn’t get out
of the limo as a result. When I tried to remind Ally that the moment was about
her and Mark getting married and none of the details…she told me to shut the
heck up (with expletives) and get out of the limo.
Once we exited the limo everything went fairly smoothly. I took up the MOH
role, since the MOH was busy with FG/RB/Minister. I thought that the wedding was
beautiful but later heard Ally grumbling that she couldn’t believe how long it
had taken for her father to walk her down the aisle or how rude everyone was to
go over to the reception area while the wedding party was posing for pictures.
She also couldn’t believe her BMs and GM were uneven (making people quit will
do that to you)…and so on and so forth.
The Bride and Groom ended up opening presents at the reception (never heard
of such a thing!) and being completely unimpressed with what they got. The real
reason, I found out later, was that they’d expected people would give them
money…and only one person had gifted them cash. Silly us, we thought you
actually WANTED the stuff on your registry!
I went home exhausted…received no thank you…and didn’t hear from the
bride again until their divorce two years later.
When my sister was planning her wedding, she happened upon a lovely garden
halfway between her ceremony and reception venues. Thinking it would be great
for photos, she rang the institution concerned, who advised they were happy to
host her formal wedding pictures in exchange for a small donation.
By the way, when I saw "institution," I mean
"institution." As in mental institution.
Still, it was a lovely garden, the photos were perfect, and bride & groom
were smart enough to expect a few giggles (which will probably continue for the
rest of their lives, as people constantly ask where the framed wedding portraits
in their home were shot).
The faux pas came three months later at a family dinner, when my sister
mentioned having paid the last of her invoices from the wedding. My mother asked
if that included the payment for use of the garden, and my sister said they
hadn't sent an invoice. My mother said they probably wouldn't send one, since
this was a "donation" and not a fee. My sister breathed a huge sigh of
relief, explaining that a "donation" is by definition voluntary, and
that so long had passed she didn't plan to worry about it.
The real kicker is the suggested minimum donation - after her $20,000
wedding, my sister stiffed a hospital for twenty bucks!
My mother saved the family's reputation with a fifty and a written apology,
but I know that bridesmaids, relatives etc. now think the most beautiful garden
in our area is off limits for their own wedding pictures due to my sister's behavior.
I started my Master's degree about a year ago, and immediately befriended two
girls who were in the same program as I was, but a little more advanced, H
& E, and they were already good friends. We became very good friends.
H had gotten engaged earlier that year, and was planning her wedding for the
H and her FH were extremely strapped for cash, and didn't own a car.
However, the place they were to be married at was a fair way away from the city we all live in, and inaccessible by public
transportation. One time, I borrowed my dad's car, and E and I accompanied H
to food sampling at this place. H & E contrived to get drunk, and I was
the designated driver. I drove them both home at different and distant parts of
the city before going home myself, to another neighborhood altogether. Fine, it
was a fun evening.
In the months preceding the wedding, I helped H with a lot of her
wedding plans - her dress was being done by a seamstress, not a designer, so I
drew the dress she wanted out for her, and accompanied her for one of the
fittings. She asked me to take photos of the dress, which I did, and then she
took over my camera for an entire week so she could show everyone the photos.
She then berated me for not transferring the photos to the computer ASAP and
sending them to her (how could I - she had finished off the battery?).
She put off her invitations till the last minute, and then had no idea how to
do them. Even though she had YELLED at me two weeks prior, I gave up an entire
day of my weekend to help her create her invitation. She needed two - one in a
different language as well to be sent to her relatives overseas. My boyfriend
even let me borrow his (brand-new) car to pick her up and take her back home.
The whole invitation saga continued on and on... Her FFIL wanted his deceased
wife's name on the invitation (no parents names were on the invitation, since
they weren't paying for the wedding at all), then her FH uncle who was doing the
printing called up to say that we hadn't included a small blessing in the
corner. Neither H nor her FH were religious, rather extremely secular. All
in all the invitation went through about five versions.
I must admit that through all of this, H was a pretty good friend, and
always knew how to say thank you, as well as when I had annoyed her (people were
always annoying her, she never annoys anyone). What she doesn't know how to
say is "I'm sorry".
The tacky bits: The weekend before her wedding, H called me up and told
me very excitedly that two of her friends from college decided to throw her a
surprise bachelorette party just the three of them at a local hotel. Why was she
calling me? Because none of them had a camera, and then she immediately
thought of MY camera! Get it? You aren't invited, but your camera is!
Over here a wedding consists of a reception with finger foods, then the
ceremony and finally a sit-down dinner.
H and FH did not attend the reception (why should they - it would only
mean being ready earlier, and who wants that?)
It was FREEZING. Her FFIL asked her to put a line in the invitation regarding
warm clothing, but that was the one thing she didn't concede to.
During the entire evening H & Husband did not at all talk to
any of the guests, just spent the entire evening on the dance floor.
H has not one picture with either me or E (who also contributed
quite a lot to the wedding planning), because she didn't bother to take one with
us. She also hasn't got a clue as to who some of the people in her photos are...
not surprising, since she didn't even bother to acknowledge their presence.
And the clincher - after all this, H comes up to me one day and tells me
that E gave her more money for the wedding! ( The difference came to about $15
H and I are no longer friends, not so much due to all of the above, as for
the fact that she fells free to yell at me freely, even in front of our program
I am going to be a bridesmaid in my friend's upcoming wedding. I
think she is turning into a brideszilla and the wedding is still two weeks away.
I wanted to share the content of two emails from the bride to be.
Email #1 (dated several months before the wedding) "alright girls.
I need to make sure everyone has a dress & shoes.....you guys have had long
enough to get a dress and some shoes.....if you don't have a dress then let me
know so I can buy one for you and if I have to buy one then it might be ugly bec
I don't have time to be shopping for the stuff that you guys should already have
and my schedule is as tight as it can be right now....let me know if you have
these things and don't forget about the rehearsal dinner"
#2 (dated two weeks before the wedding) "alright I booked the hotel
suite the day before the wedding......the only thing is that I need you guys to chip in because my money situation is very very low right now....each of your
share would be $40......I really appreciate it...."
I had to
laugh when I read Email #1 - it sounds like she is purposely going to buy ugly
dresses for the bridesmaids who haven't bought their dresses yet.
The problem I have with email #2 is that it was never communicated to the
bridesmaids that we were even getting a hotel room for the night before the
wedding. Then to inform the bridesmaids that they need to chip in and only give
them 2 weeks notice to come up with the money seems a little rude. I know that some
of the bridesmaid's money situation is pretty tight and being
surprised with "you owe $40" after we have already spent quite a bit
on her between her bridal shower and two bachelorette parties and
her birthday (which were all in the last 2 weeks).
I'll have to go back a bit in the past to start this story.
Several years ago, my husband and I became good friends with a male co-worker
named Cam and his wife Sally. Cam had a younger brother named Adam.
Adam was single when we met him, but he never minded hanging out with the
"old married folks" - we would often have movie nights and have a
really good time. Eventually we introduced our new buddies to our dear
friends Doug and Tammy, a married couple we'd known for almost twenty years, and
the movie nights became even more fun. After a while, Adam met a
woman named Mary, and that's when the trouble started. Mary made no bones
about the fact that she couldn't stand Adam's family, including Cam. She
also loathed children, and since Cam and Sally had recently become parents to an
adorable baby girl, this made tensions run even higher. Cam hoped
desperately that the relationship would die a natural death, but no such luck -
Adam and Mary got engaged.
At first everything seemed fine on the surface
- Adam asked Cam to be best man, and he asked my husband to be a groomsman.
Then things started getting really bad - the dislike between Mary and Adam's
family became more and more obvious, and eventually Cam bowed out as best man.
He said, "I'll attend the wedding as your brother, but that's
it." Adam sent me an e-mail with all the details of the
falling-out, and he basically asked me point-blank to choose between him and his
brother. Well, there was really no choice to be made - I was much closer
to Cam, and I, too, disliked Mary. With all this drama going on, my poor
husband was dreading the idea of being part of this wedding party. He
replied to the e-mail with, "We wish you all the luck in the world, but
under the circumstances, I think it would be best if I did not participate in
the wedding as a groomsman. If you would like us to attend as guests, we
would love that." Well, they did NOT want us to attend as
guests. By refusing to choose sides (or, more accurately, by refusing to
choose him over his brother), Adam became very angry, and he sent us another
e-mail coldly informing us that he did not want us to attend.
We didn't attend, of course, but the funny thing is, our good friends Doug
and Tammy were invited, and THEY attended! They and Cam said
afterwards that it was an incredibly awkward wedding - the (new) best man was
visibly uncomfortable about his role, and his speech involved much wondering out
loud as to why Adam had chosen him. Mary refused to have any pictures
taken with her new in-laws, and Adam looked unhappy and tense throughout the
whole thing. I could almost feel sorry for him if I didn't feel that
he chose a cold, unpleasant woman over his family, not caring how much he hurt
the people who love him.
This is a story that I heard secondhand from a co-worker. I've never heard
of anything this crazy happening at a wedding in my life. My co-worker's
old college classmate, who I'll call Sadie, got married last weekend at the
chapel on campus. A little background info: Sadie's fiancé,
"Greg" is good friends with another girl, "Lisa."
Sadie thinks that Greg spends too much time with Lisa and shows her too much
attention. A few months ago, Sadie and Lisa got into a huge argument over
Greg and have had an acrimonious relationship since then. Fast
forward three months, Greg proposes to Sadie, she accepts. She tells Greg
that Lisa is not welcome at the wedding unless she apologizes to her. Greg
tells Lisa this, and Lisa decides not to come to the wedding.
to the day of the wedding. Lisa changes her mind and decides to come
to the wedding anyway, even though she was not invited. Sadie is standing in the balcony of the chapel before
the wedding, watching the guests file in, and she spots Lisa. She comes
down from the balcony, in all of her wedding finery, and proceeds to throw Lisa
out of the chapel. All of Lisa's friends, who apparently were invited to
the wedding, run out of the church to confront Sadie. The bridesmaids,
also in their formal gowns, run out of the chapel and start screaming at Lisa
and her friends. It turned into a huge, very loud, screaming match between
Lisa's "crew" and Sadie's. The guests are not sure the wedding is going to take place. Somehow the argument is diffused, maybe by the
groom, those details are unclear, and the wedding takes place two hours after it
was originally supposed to start. Unbelievable!
My uncle was marrying a girl we had never met, and the bride had insisted on
having the wedding in New Mexico. Since our entire family lives on the east
coast, this was a bit difficult, but my parents got off work and got the plane
tickets. I got a lovely stomach flu before we went. but toughed the pre-wedding
The first thing out of the bride-to-be's mouth when I meet her? "Oh, I
thought you and your brother were younger!"
This was clearly a lie, because my brother and I are 18 and 17, and there was
no way she could have thought we were much younger, as our uncle had to have told
her. I soon find out we are to be sat at the "children's table" with
our other cousins, who were 14 and 13, hardly children either. Along with us was
my younger cousin, who I was happy to spend time with. Also, there was the
bride-to-be's daughter, who we were clearly expected to take of.
My brother and I were wicked pissed, but had to go. At the wedding, we were
asked to be in none of the family pictures with the rest of the adults, which
pissed my uncle off, and then were off to the reception. The bride then asks my
6 YEAR OLD COUSIN to take care of her 3 year old little princess. She was sat
next the the little monster, and was expected to help her eat. I basically
didn't sit down for the entire meal, as the bride, only a table away, ignored
the child crying for her mother. The bride didn't even ask a mother or aunt to
take care of the child but left her in the company of me, a complete stranger.
After the meal, my cousin wants me to spend time with her outside, but I have
to watch the bride's child as she runs around looking for her mother. When she
finds her mother, her mother draws me aside to tell me I was doing a horrible
job watching her daughter and she hadn't wanted to invite me to the wedding
anyway. I'm so wound up at this point I go into the bathroom to throw up, as I
was still pretty sick. After vomiting for half an hour, I go out on the balcony
and start crying.
My little cousin comes out to comfort me, then goes inside to tell off my
uncle about what the bride had done to me. My other uncle comes out to comfort
me, and my parents were furious. Eventually, my other uncle (the groom's twin)
actually leaves the wedding to drive me to my hotel with my younger cousin. When
the bride complains about my "insult", my family tells her off.
This was so horrible that to this day I ignore the bride, and its a real
point of contention between me and my uncle. It makes me sad that one horrible
bride could put such a rift between us.
I was a neighbor and friend to a woman in her 60s I'll call Jane. Jane
and I were cat owners living in an apartment complex, and would cat sit for each
other and talk a lot. At the time I met Jane, she was widowed,
but I did not how widowed she was until later. Jane introduced me one
night to her new boyfriend, a man who was obviously extremely
ill. I found out that the gentleman was retired from the police force
because of extreme disability and illness. I thought that Jane must feel
sorry for him and want to help him and be a friend, so I didn't think much of
it. A few weeks later, I got a wedding invitation from her. It
seemed too fast, and the gentleman seemed too ill to be getting married. I
was concerned, and became more concerned at Jane's demands that they have a
church wedding, that she wear white (in her 60s and previously widowed ?), and
that they go somewhere nice for the honeymoon, and that he was to make sure that
they had a suitable place to live. I asked them if they needed help, and
was informed that Jane's daughters were handling all the details.
of Jane's daughters, "Ann", came to visit and I got to meet her.
While Jane was occupied, Ann told me this was husband and wedding number 5, and
that all of her husbands had died of illness, and what a shame that her mother
was widowed so much and had such poor luck, and they had been nice
men, too! I came to realize that Jane was a black widow, and was
probably collecting a lot of money being the widow of these poor unfortunate
men. I tried to talk to the gentleman about this privately, but he was
excited that someone would love and care for him and was going along with it, so
I shut up. The wedding happened, the bride wore white, there was a pot
luck reception (no kidding) and lots of gifts. Less than a year later, I
saw the gentleman's obituary, and found out he had died from diabetes.
And about a year after that, although I was living in another place, I got yet
another invitation and long letter from Jane, about the next dear gentleman she
was going to marry. True story, cross my heart, and there isn't anything
that can legally be done about these things.
Okay, so I’m a pretty good natured person but I think everyone has their
limits. You aren’t going to believe this is true, but indeed it is. Alas my
good friends, the devil walks among us.
Let me start at the very beginning. An
acquaintance of mine, more friends with my ex-boyfriend than myself, had just
gotten engaged. Naturally, I was very happy for Leslie, but didn’t really do
the really girled out jump up and down thing when she told us which happened to
be when we saw her out in the middle of the grocery store. Sam and I knew when
Nathan was doing it so…Anyway, Leslie proceeded to call my ex (Sam) and go off
about how unbelievably rude I was for not being more excited for her. Then said,
that Sam was invited but only if he were to leave me at home that night. Sam
immediately responded that if I wasn’t welcome than neither was he.
weeks go by, and I get a phone call from Leslie herself at about 10:45 PM on a
Tuesday. Basically, reiterating everything directly to me that she had said to
Sam. My response was flat out, "I’m sorry you feel that way. I am naturally
very excited for you and think it highly unfortunate if you feel otherwise."
Leslie quickly said, “That’s okay and since you apologized, you can come to
the wedding.” I thought, well lucky me (insert sarcasm here).
week goes by and she comes storming up to me at work, (we work in the same
building) swearing up and down that I was making fun of her engagement ring
behind her back. I’m starting to think that this lady is full on bananas
right? So, I simply explained once again that I never said anything of that
nature to anyone and thought her ring is perfectly lovely. And it was. Her fiancé
Nathan, didn’t have a lot of money and the ring was beautiful but wasn’t
overly big. It was a solitaire diamond and it was about a half carat. It was in
a gorgeous setting that Nathan designed himself with a buddy of his that’s a
graphic artist. I am not the type to care one iota about ring size. My current
ring being a total of one carat with all of the diamonds together. But I
digress, this blows over and Leslie and Nathan set the day for May of 2005.
called me again shortly thereafter and this is verbatim what she said to me…in
a voice mail…I am telling you the truth….really….I promise. “Hey Carrie,
I just spoke with Sam and he said it would be alright to call you. Basically, my
friend Michelle had to drop out of the wedding because she’s pregnant and
would be uncomfortable being that big and standing up in front of people. I told
her that you were almost as big (I was a size 10 at the time, Leslie was a size
2 if that) and weren’t pregnant and would still jump at the opportunity to be
a part of my wedding extravaganza. So, Michele is out and actually being a real
b word about it and I thought you would love it. So would ya? Call me back
immediately so I can ask someone else right away if you don’t want to.”
I get the girlfriend of the year award for what happens next. Since Nathan is my
boyfriend’s (of only 6 months) BFF, I discussed it with him and had decided to
do it for Nathan and Sam, not for Leslie. I called and responded and her
response was, GREAT! I would only ask that you try to drop about 20 but must
insist on 10-15 before the big day because the dresses are strapless and
wouldn’t look right on you otherwise. (Who couldn’t use a diet anyway
right?) They were the fugliest color of green I had ever seen in my life by the
So, months go by and I find myself invited to a shower. I show up and there
was pink lemonade punch on a coffee table with peanuts and mints to snack on for
the 4 hour party. No games were planned. Leslie spent the entire time on the
computer or cell phone so, myself and all of her other bridesmaids just began
entertaining ourselves. I’m naturally very outgoing so I decided to make the
command decision to play Scattergories. We told Leslie we are going to play, do
you want to. She said she would and we waited 30 minutes but she had not come
out of the computer room so we just started playing. Just when we thought we
were almost home free she started opening gifts with only 30 minutes remaining
in the allotted shower time span.
Two days after the shower (which was one month
before the wedding), I get a phone call letting me know that because I had to
steal the spotlight at her shower and ruin her whole day she was un-asking me to
be a part of her wedding. After I had lost 10 pounds, bought a size 8 dress for
$250 plus another $85 for alterations and the $30 dyeable shoes, that were all
the UGLIEST SHADE OF GREEN EVER!!!! She told me I was no longer to be one of her
bridesmaids. I asked when she planned on paying me back for these items and let
her know I would NOT accept a personal check. (hee hee) She of course flew into
a rage and disconnected rather abruptly.
The next day Nathan came by with a
check and the look on his face was just utter misery. I couldn’t take the
check and decided I could make the dress into something ugly green else I
guess…The night of the bachelor party comes and goes. And two weeks later,(one
week before Nathan’s planned nuptials) Sam got a call from Nathan. True story,
Nathan had cashed in his honeymoon tickets for one roundtrip ticket to Vegas for a
4 night stay and asked if Sam wanted to come seeing as how he couldn’t
possibly see himself married to Leslie. The wedding was called off in a vicious
fight after the bachelor party (Leslie showed up with her still asked bridesmaids in tow)
and Nathan told Leslie to get back on her broomstick and find the first hand
basket back to hell. I felt for Leslie, I really did. I wouldn’t wish that on
any bride. But if she could treat us that way and expect us to take it, I can
only imagine how she treated poor Nathan (the sweetest of the sweethearts)
behind closed doors. And some of those stories are pretty funny too
now…looking back….maybe not for Leslie. She did end up getting married this
past Christmas season though and Nathan’s new girlfriend is rock star cool so
I praise the karma gods for working their justice once again.
My story starts by completing the ill-advised "I'll be
your bridesmaid-you be mine." My friend, A, was engaged at Christmas
time and promptly calls and asks me to be a bridesmaid. I am of course
ecstatic. She states that she is planning a simple family and immediate
friends wedding at a local state park and lake. This will be followed by a
simple barbeque reception. Pretty easy--so I think.
As the year and half progresses to her wedding everything changes.
Pretty soon she is getting married at a four star resort eight and half hours
south of where everyone in the wedding party lives along with both sides of the
family. All of this because she doesn't want to be "like everyone
else in our town."
Three of the four bridesmaids go shopping for the bridesmaid dresses.
The only place the bride even gives thought to going to is the famous bridal
store. We go and everyone tries on ten or so dresses and the bride finally
decides on what she likes best. We each order our size and pay $150 for
dresses the we could have easily gotten for $50 at a department store.
We then go to lunch which we have to pay for ourselves.
Fast forward to the bridal shower which is completely orchestrated by the MOH
who had much more money that the rest of us. At the shower she kindly
informs us that we each owe her $40 for our share. Not a problem. Then comes the
bachelorette party which the bride insist should be a drunken party where we
should travel to a town 45 minutes away. I arrange all of this and spend
well over $100. The night of the party I inform the other bridesmaids they
owe me $40. They say they will pay later, but never do. We
travel the 45 minutes to the other town and the bride takes 2 shots promptly
pukes and the night ends and we come home. 90 minutes of travel for 15 minutes
The wedding invitation comes along with list of lodging at the resorts.
Rooms are $150 a night. I make my reservations for the two nights I am requested
to be there. The night before the big event we go on a dinner cruise that
the bride's parents pay for the wedding party, so I have to pay $25 for my
boyfriend to come on because we are 8 hours away and he knows no one else.
After that we (the bridesmaids) are forced to finish decorating and
"wrinkle release" the table cloths because they are "slightly
wrinkled." We finish at 1 am.
Day of the wedding the bride's aunt kindly does our hair and I end up looking
like a 90 year lady with a bouffant. I redo my own hair after my boyfriend
laughs hysterically at me. The whole day has been planned to a T--all
except when to eat. We finally sneak some time in but have to pay
for ourselves again.
Wedding comes-4:30 in the afternoon on a sun-soaked beach- and the
precious MOH who has been right all along and making everything is preciously
perfect forget the rings at the back of the beach in her purse. So as the
Bride and her father are coming down the aisle, I am running back up the
opposite aisle to get the rings. After the wedding, the guests are sent up to
the reception hall and we take pictures in the hot sun for the next 90
minutes. Guest have nothing to eat or drink.
Finally we get to the reception hall (6:30) and find that it is a
cash bar (not mentioned to anyone). Not even the wedding parties drinks are paid
for. By this point we are hot and hungry. We get ready to go through
the reception line and it is hors d'oeuvres only. Everyone at the wedding is
from the same town and are of the meat and potatoes category. Everyone,
including the groomsman I danced with thought there was more coming. The
reception lasted for 4 hours and was no fun as no one-including the bride and
So in the end this wedding cost me well over $500 and a vacation day
from work. Needless to say this bride is not going to be in my wedding.
A former friend of mine was the sort of person who knew EXACTLY how she
wanted her wedding to go. She bragged that she knew how her fiancé would
propose to her, because she had told him exactly how she wanted him to do it!
What about spontaneity and being surprised?
My roommate and I were both invited to the wedding. He was unemployed
at the time, and I wasn’t earning much either, so we agreed to go in on a nice
yet modest gift together. I went to the store where they were registered
and found a pretty glass serving bowl on their list. I bought that,
wrapped it up, and we gave it to them with a card signed by us both.
After the wedding ceremony, I congratulated the bride and admired her wedding
set. “We’re getting the rings soldered together,” she said, “as
soon as [Groom] saves up to buy a bigger diamond.” I was stunned.
Her diamond might not have been the biggest in the world, but it was perfectly
lovely! Her groom was already working two jobs to support them; why make
him take so much of that hard-earned money just to get a bigger rock?
At the reception, my roommate and I took our assigned seats with our friends.
That was when we discovered that we’d been tucked into a corner, and there was
a wall between us and the head table. We couldn’t see (and could barely
hear) the toasts or any other happenings. Even standing up didn’t work,
because everyone else was doing the same thing.
The thank-you note arrived 11 months after the wedding (myth alert!).
It was addressed only to me, even though my roommate’s name was also on the
card. (No, he didn’t receive a separate one.) “Thank you for the
bowl,” the note said. “We don’t know what to do with it but we love
it.” It was on their registry! Why register for something you have
no use for?
I have a story that I am still trying to interpret. About a year ago, my
boyfriend and I moved to a new city so that I could get my masters. We were
excited for the move (even though it was only for a year) because my boyfriend
(whom we will call Vincent) and my friend from high school (whom we will call
John) lived there with his fiancée Suzanne. Suzanne and I had never met before
(although I sent an engagement gift) the move and I was excited about the
possibility of making a friend in my new city before I started school.
Well, as it turns out Suzanne and I did not hit it off. I am a very outgoing
person who has never had a problem making friends but I just could not connect
with this woman anyway I tried. I frequently asked her about her wedding plans,
as this seemed to be a topic about which she was less cold to me. Now, I should
highlight some more about Suzanne and Vincent (boyfriend), John (friend), and
me. The three of us are city children who grew up in fairly affluent families.
We went to the same prep-school and all attended prestigious colleges. We have
been blessed with material things in our life, however I should note that we
don't hold this above anyone and Vincent and my friends grew up in diverse
backgrounds. Suzanne, on the other hand, is a country bumpkin from a working
class family. I think part of her coldness towards me was based on her feeling
inferior to me based on background, but I am just guessing.
Anyway, I made a great effort to make friends with Suzanne. We went out to
dinner as two couples, we hosted them at our apartment, met for drinks, etc. She
continued to be cold to me. This worsened after Vincent and I became engaged.
John and Vincent are each other's best men, so I thought with both of us getting
married we would at least have something to talk about. However, she just openly
condemned all of my choices as snobbish and over-the-top (we are having a large,
black tie wedding with a ceremony in an Episcopal cathedral). After four months
of effortlessly trying at and paying for outings, I decided to give up and just
be civil when we had to see each other.
Three months later, I got a telephone call from John. He told me he and
Suzanne were upset that Suzanne and I had not become "best friends"
and would I please email her to try and instigate a friendship. I privately
rolled my eyes but decided to send her an email that apologized for my lack of
effort and anything that I did that might have offended her. I figured for the
next year we would have to be around each other due to Vincent and my friendship
with John and both weddings, so civility and keeping the peace was in order. So
I sent a note offering an olive branch and a sincere intention to try harder at
our relationship. What I got back, however, was an long abrasive email about how
I am a condescending, shallow, b****. There were also a list of false
accusations. (Remember I had been asked by her fiancé to reach out) However, I
decided to not engage in a silly battle and simple sent another email
apologizing for anyway that I could have offended her and let it go.
The crazy thing is this: I received a shower invitation the next day from
Suzanne's mom. Originally, I assumed that every woman invited to the wedding was
invited to the shower, a practice that I feel is totally tacky, but would at
least explain the presence of someone who the bride apparently "couldn't
stand the sight of" on a guest list. I decided not to attend the shower but
sent a gift. (total cost of wedding for me right now is $120, when you include
shower and engagement gift). After some digging, I found out that not every
woman was invited to the shower, but that she decided to include me because I
had given a nice engagement gift.
To make matters worse, Suzanne convinced John to have a destination wedding
so we all have to fly to a far away city, rent a car, drive five hours, to go to
a cocktail reception. We have to go because Vincent agreed to be the BM before
this came to light.
Part of me thinks that Suzanne is a bridezilla and part of me wants to
suspect mental instability in order to explain her actions.
I have been reading the stories on bridezillas and as a bride myself, it
makes me realize how I don't want to be. But I have a great story for you. To me,
she is all Hell broke loose...This story is about my current sis-in-law,
"Amanda" who is as you know, a bridezilla.
It all started last year, when she got engaged to a guy she hardly knows. She
had known him for a little less than six months and then announces that they are
getting engaged. I was happy, until she erupted from her shell. Well, August
18th, 2007 Matt proposed to me and we told the whole family. Needless to say,
she wasn't very happy since we are stealing her thunder. Of course she acts like
she is really happy, but she is really not. They are getting married on June
8th, 2008 and everything is totally about her. She gets really mad and upset
when I even mention things that I need to do for my wedding.
Matthew and I have changed our dates so many times due to the fact that she
keeps getting mad if our wedding is too close to hers. I had to move mine a
whole year down the road because the focus will be off her. The guy who she is
marrying is really nice and great. He does have quite a bit of money and is
practically paying for the whole thing. Whenever I and Matt go over there, she
rubs it in my face that she is getting everything she wants and she don't care
about what anyone else thinks. She is spending all this unnecessary money on
things she thinks she needs. Her parents agree and believe she is marrying him
just for the money and not for the real reason, that you want to spend the rest
of your life with this person. She just says, "Oh well, if it don't work, I
just going to divorce him," and is in love with another man. She doesn't know
if she wants to spend forever with him, but she is getting married anyways.
Matthew and I got so mad that we just decided to go
and get married by our pastor whom we are very close to. The only people who
attended were our parents and the pastor's wife and child. She was not invited.
When we told her that we got married, she was upset. Not that she was not
invited, but that we got married before her. We are going to have a big wedding
on March 14th, 2009 and the worst mistake I did was after I got engaged, I made
her my MOH. I really regret it since she plans on being 9 months pregnant on my
wedding day. She is all about making sure the focus is all on her. Doesn't anybody
get any credit for marrying someone for the right reasons?
No one in the family has even helped me with my wedding because all the
attention is on her. But, her mom told me that as soon as they were
done with hers, all of the attention would be on me and that I would get as much
courtesy as she has had. Most of the time I don't want to be a bridezilla, but
when I think about all the stuff that she has done to me to make me feel less
than, I feel like showing her what a bridezilla truly is!!! She has not
felt the wrath...o what an awakening she is in for! Haha...J/K
Exactly two weeks after my mom and dad lost my little brother just six hours
after his birth, my dad’s younger sister (my indulged aunt) announced that she
was engaged and the wedding date was to be in one month. There was no need
for the rush. My aunt just did not want to wait. My aunt also
announced (not asked) that my mom was to be her matron of honor.
My mom says she remembers very little of the wedding preparation as she still
was recovering from a difficult birth and was grieving heavily. Her doctor
also was keeping her on strong tranquilizers, as that was what was done in that
era. Although she smiled at the wedding and all photos show her to be the
happy wedding attendant she was supposed to be, my mom says my dad's mother did
the yeoman’s job of making all the gowns while planning and executing the
wedding so quickly, and was the one who performed all the traditional
maid/matron of honor duties as my mother simply was in no emotional or physical
state to do them.
Less than a month after the wedding, my aunt had the nerve to chastise my
still mourning mother in front of everyone at a family reunion for being so
useless and out of it at the wedding. My mom left the room quickly, but
one of my dad’s aunts took my aunt to task for being so unfeeling. My
aunt reportedly could not believe and could not figure out why anyone would
think what she had done was out of line.
My first request to be a bridesmaid was when I was 22. The Bride-to-be and I
had been "Best" friends for 7 years so the invite was not unexpected,
it was the way it was presented to me and the circumstances around it that
The Bride-to-be met the groom 6 months previous
in a bar commonly referred to as "the cave". She had been dumped that
afternoon by her boyfriend of 4 years and tying one on seemed the obvious
remedy. (I was not with her that night, as I was away at school.) The
Bride-to-be always had a fixation on long-haired rock-n-roll types and the band
playing that night was right up her alley. Unable to score with a band member
she moved on to the next best thing: The guy working the sound board and light
system. A.k.a the groom-to-be. The Bride and Groom-to-be quickly developed an
all consuming, drunken, rebound affair. The passions of course fizzled out after
a couple of months and then they fought for another month before the groom-to-be
was evicted from their apartment and he headed back home to Montana.
Shortly after the groom-to-be left, the Bride-to-be
sobered up and realized she was pregnant. The Bride-to-be considered her
options, then headed to Montana in search of the groom-to-be. After a week she
found him and convinced him to make an honest woman of her. The delighted
Bride-to-be called me to give me all the details of her coup and that she was
now planning her nuptials. Two weeks later the Bride-to-be called me in
an absolute state of misery and confusion, because there was a glitch in her
plans. The groom-to-be had lied to her about his age he was NOT 26 as he and his
fake I.D. attested, in fact he had just turned 17 the month before. Now a lot of
us would have abandoned ship right here, but not the Bride-to-be, she went to
the mother of the groom-to-be and instead of negotiating that good ol' mom
wouldn't press charges on statutory rape she managed to secure a note of
permission for her little boy to get married.
So, three weeks from the wedding I receive a call
from the Bride-to-be requesting that I be her bridesmaid. Honestly I did not
want to have anything to do with this mess. I had been hoping that as she was
going to be 4 and a half months pregnant by the time she tied the knot and her
being a cradle-robber and all, I figured she would go for a very low key
ceremony. Wrong! She was going all out, all white and I didn't have a prepared
excuse so I very reluctantly said "yes ".
The Bride-to-be was very happy that I agreed to this
as I was the SIXTH person she had asked and everybody else said no! She didn't
even know six other people and I was supposed to be her best friend!?! She went
on to say they she wanted at least 3 bridesmaids so she had to find more people
to ask. The dresses were going to be 'baby teal', her favorite color and then
she went on to gush about the "huge, puffy" size of the sleeves!
She went on but I stopped listening because I thought my head was going to
I suddenly realized that I was a bad friend. I
was offended on so many levels: SIXTH asked! BABY TEAL! PUFFY SLEEVES! UNDER AGE
GROOM! There was no way in Hell I could be seen anywhere near that train wreck
let alone participate in it. I interrupted the Bride-to-be and quickly told her
that I had to work and would not be able to attend her wedding. The
Bride-to-be's response: "Oh. Okay."
We did stay in touch after that and it was like
nothing negative had ever happened. Weird! I did hear about the wedding
afterwards. It was probably best described by the Bride's father who moaned:
"I never thought I would throw a thousand dollar kegger for my daughter and
Page Last Updated October 11, 2008