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Tacky Invitations

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My cousin and his now wife, let's call her "J", got married in August of 2006. They got married in Toronto and my fiancé and I live in Vancouver, but we knew about the wedding and had planned to visit and attend their wedding.

So we wait, and wait, and wait for an invitation. Nada. I call my sister and ask her and she too, does not receive one. My parents, however, do.

My sister then phones my cousin to ask if she and her date are invited, to which he says of course they are. Doesn't explain lack of invitation.

Turns out that supposedly my fiancé and I were included on my parents invitation (although our names were not on there) and my sister was included with my aunt's (???) invitation but her date was not. They assumed we knew we were invited and that we would show up, despite the fact that I live ACROSS THE COUNTRY.

We showed up at the wedding and it went off without a hitch. However, I've never forgotten how "forgotten" I felt. It was terrible etiquette and extremely poor planning, something I've since discovered that both are well known for.

Oh, to top it all off, my fiancé and I received a thank you card from the bride and groom for our gift (hand embroidered towel set that I worked) but my mother and father did not. My mother didn't even know about it until I mentioned it in a phone call. Very classy, guys.



I was doing a 6 week co-op placement during my first semester in college.  One lady that worked there was getting married close to the end of my 6 weeks, we did not directly work together but had the same lunch break so we often talked during that time.  She was starting to get her reply cards back and was very upset that she was getting a lot of declines.  She was mostly upset because the declines were family - she had her wedding date picked out but did not send out save the date cards or make it well known and a cousin of hers (who did know her date) sent out her invitations very early with the same wedding date - she found this out when she got her invitation in the mail earlier.  She was also upset that not one of the people who declined had sent along a gift or card and asked me what I would do if I could not attend a wedding.  I explained that if invited to a wedding I would send a gift but that I would probably not send it with the reply card, I would send it closer to the wedding date.  The next day she showed up to work with an invitation for me and a guest to her wedding.  She knew very well that I had other plans on her wedding day as we had talked several times about my plans and she even gave it to me saying "I know you can't come but I thought you might like an invitation anyways."



My friend and I could not help but laugh at this invitation one day over lunch.  My friend, Janet, and her significant other, Arnold, have been together about 2-3 years.  They live together and are raising 3 children, 2 are Janet's from a prior relationship and 1 that they had together.  Arnold's cousin is getting married this summer to a girl that works with Janet.  Janet and the bride don't really get along but it's nothing serious.  They've never had an actual argument or fight or anything like that.  They just generally keep their distance from each other.  Well Janet gets home one day to find an envelope addressed to "Mr. Arnold."  No last name.  No return address.  Not even a stamp, meaning it must have been placed in her mailbox.  Not only that but someone else's name had been whited out and Arnold's name written over it.  It was the invitation to his cousin's wedding.  Obviously Janet and the children were not being invited and it seems to me that the bride was purposely trying to dig it in that she wasn't inviting Janet.  The invitation was home-made, which in itself doesn't have to be bad.  I've seen some beautiful home-made invitations that look better than some commercial invites.  But this looked like a "bad church bulletin" to quote my friend.  It was printed on flimsy paper, folded unevenly, and the text was occasionally broken up by a few sketchy looking graphics of things like 2 rings or a cross.  I know you can find better images of things like that online if you take the time.  It's not about money.  It's about how much time you spend to make something look nice that is going to set the tone for your entire wedding.  This girl obviously rushed through the invitations and didn't care.  I mean she didn't even care to find out Arnold's last name for goodness sakes.  Oh, and the only option given for people to RSVP was to call the bride's cell phone.  In fact it even stated that if you get her voice mail please call back later.  


I received a wedding invitation from a friend who was getting married.   Both young and just starting out, she and her husband were getting married in a simple ceremony, with a reception to follow.   However, when I received their wedding invitation, I notice the following printed in bold calligraphy across bottom of the invite:


I was taken aback, since I wasn't sure which was tackier--the fact that someone would actually have a "money tree" at a wedding reception---or that they were essentially demanding that I give cash as a gift.  They might was well have sent me a bill with an invoice. 

Anyway, I am of the mindset that a wedding present should be a gesture of love and generosity from the friend or loved one--not demanded or expected.    Given the situation and how I felt about it, I chose to treat this statement as if they were giving me two choices when it came to giving them a wedding present.   I chose the first option:  NO GIFTS.  :)



Why wasn't I invited?   I've known "Sandy" since high school, which was in a small town. We ended up going to the same small college, 4 hours away from home, and we were good friends, even making the trip home together on weekends or holidays. Anyway, she became engaged her senior year of college (I was a junior). I saw her slightly less around this time, as she was constantly visiting her fiancé at another college. I ran into her often enough that she showed me her wedding dress pictures and was telling me about some of her wedding plans.

Her wedding was held that summer, and almost all of our mutual friends were invited, except for me. One of my best friends, "Molly", was her photographer, and since Molly lived 3 hours away, I let her stay with me so that Molly wouldn't have to pay for a hotel. Sandy knew Molly was staying with me, and even told Molly it would be okay if I joined them for drinks the night before Sandy's wedding at a local bar. I declined, as I knew it would be awkward to be around everyone if I wasn't going to the wedding. Our mutual friends and Molly still think the whole thing is crazy to this day, which happened 3 years ago. Sandy and I have lost touch, to say the least. How tacky is it to invite the whole group of friends and leave 1 out? It's not like I would have had to stay at a hotel, I lived 5 minutes away from where the wedding was held!



I was excited to find out that a close friend from high school was engaged.  She had changed a lot since high school.....becoming quite greedy and shallow, but I still considered her a friend.    Another friend of ours was asked to be in the wedding, so I was updated on plans, dates, etc.   When I received the save the date card, I made sure that I would be free for that day.  That was the last I received from the bride to be.  I never received an invite to a shower, and the actual wedding.  I also never heard from the bride again.  I talked about it with our mutual friend.....who knows all to well what kind of person she is, and told me that they actually invited several people to her shower, who did not get wedding invites.  They were upset, obviously, and some said something about it. 


My good friend Joy had kidney failure and passed away at age 35 in December 2005. Joy was married to a guy I will call "Frank". Joy and Frank have two daughters. I always visited Joy and she was a dear friend to me. Joy had another good friend whom I will call "Darla". Darla visited Joy often as well and acted like she really cared about Joy.  In the summer of 2006, I was shocked to find out that Darla had begun dating Frank! When I would go visit the kids or Joy's neighbor (whom is also my friend), I would see Darla over at Joy's house decorating and acting like it was her house.       

Then about two weeks ago (It's now August 2007), Frank and Darla showed up at my house unannounced to give me an invitation to their wedding that was the following Saturday. I was disgusted and I knew I would never attend or support this, but I didn't want to be rude and I was so shocked that I said, "Ooh, ok well thanks". They then happily said, "We hope to see you there," and left.  Later I did open the invitation and I couldn't believe what it said inside. It read:                                                                                                        

Frank (and his last name) & 
Darla (and her last name)     
invite you to share in the joy
of the beginning of their new life     
 together when they exchange marriage vows on   
Saturday the fourth of August 2007      
at eight o'clock in the evening                                                     
at..... blah blah.... 

Is it just me or does anyone see what is wrong with EVERYTHING here? I wanted to go crazy when I read the invitation, especially when I thought about how Darla is now living in Joy's home (which is also by the way where Joy passed away) AND she even has the nerve to sleep with Frank on the very same bed Joy that died on!  I am appalled at it all. She is obviously oblivious that she has done anything hurtful or wrong period. I can't believe she even included the word "joy" in her invitation! And I am no wedding expert, but isn't 8pm a bit late in the day for a wedding to begin? Wait! It gets even more tacky.        

Then I opened the other smaller envelope. Correct me if I am wrong but I always thought the smaller envelopes inside wedding invitations were RSVP cards, so that is what I was expecting to see inside. Instead it had no RSVP info. It just read: In Lieu of gifts we would appreciate cash gifts in the form of cash or check! I looked inside of the card and it was blank and there was a Chinese new year red money envelope inside of it. I wanted to barf by this time and still do. I think EVERYTHING she did is totally tacky and evil too. The stupid invitation was inconsiderate and offended me, (and many others as well). I don't know how she could morally do any of it and not feel bad. Tacky all the way around! Needless to say, NO WAY DID I ATTEND! NO WAY!                                   



I am not sure if this is a faux pas or tacky or if it is even against etiquette, but I have been puzzling over this for years.

Years ago a woman I'll call Beth got engaged. We had been very good friends when younger, but had drifted apart although we still had many of the same friends- we just never saw them at the same time. She was-still is- a very friendly, gregarious type; much moreso than I am and she invited everyone to the wedding she had ever met, practically, except me. I was very hurt at first when I realized that alone of all of our mutual friends that I was the only one not invited, but then decided- probably immaturely- that if she had no interest in inviting me, I really had no interest in seeing her again even socially, and to this day I really have no interest in her life.

Anyhow, at the reception many of our mutual friends realized I had not been invited and many of them felt terrible, including the next person of the group to be married- Marian. Now, Marian and I had never been very close simply because we never hit it off very well: differing personalities; nothing major, so I was surprised- we hadn't been close enough that I ever expected to hear except third or fourth hand that she was even married- and pleased to be invited to her wedding.

I went and had a good time, and found out after the fact that she hadn't really wanted me invited, but felt so badly that I hadn't been invited to Beth's wedding that she invited me to hers. Should I have felt hurt by this or pleased? I honestly have no idea and haven't for ages.

The kicker to Beth is that two or so years after her wedding we got invited to the same birthday party and I got told that Beth and her husband were very apprehensive about going because they weren't sure how I was going to take being around them for -really- the first time since the wedding. I had been living at the same address all my life; they could have picked up the phone or written to me at any time and asked me.

While I think etiquette was probably breached on both sides, I'm not sure how I ended up being the ogre.



Well I sure hope my guests don't hate me for this one. My future mother-in-law begged to do my invites. After she throws a fit about the whole thing I finally caved in. We went and bought some really cute print-it-yourself invites. We set up the wording and  I made sure to tell her that I wanted call-in invites. I am having a small informal wedding so I figured that this was fine. Plus I have a lot of family out in rural areas so they have trouble getting mail delivered and sent out. With everything printed and ready to go I take a look at the rsvp cards only to find that she made them all mail in. When I mentioned to her that I thought we agreed on call in rsvps, she rolled her eyes and took the invites for my family. She then scribbled my cell phone number down and said: Happy now?  I notice the address labels for my family are confusing. Instead of putting: The Smith Family, she just put Mr. Jon Smith. I looked at the invites for her friends and family and they were all nicely done: Mr. and Mrs. Jones and family. Here's the tackiest part: she listed all the places we were registered. Before I had a chance to redo them all she mailed everything off. Now, no matter how much she insists and begs that she wants to help I will not be accepting.



Following is an emailed wedding invitation that my partner received last year. The fact that a date for the wedding is not listed, or that the promised link didn't work, are the least of this invitation's problems. The invitation was emailed on September 26th, with RSVP's requested by October 4th, and the wedding on the 6th.

Fortunately, we had another wedding to attend that evening, and couldn't make it. I'm not sure where this one goes, since it is the invitation itself that is horrible, but the event it describes is so much worse. Friends who did attend, say it was exactly as they expected.

Dear People of My Universe: Please cut and paste this web link to your internet address bar OR try clicking on it to download the pdf file which is our invitation to YOU to our wedding and [Couple's Business's Name] Fundraiser. LINK: www.****.com/pdf

Kathy and I would be most honored to have you there!  Please RSVP, if possible, by October 4th with the number of guests you plan to bring. RSVP:[Business Email] OR  ***-***-****   OR  [Business Name] [Business Address] (see [business website] for store hours) 

Below is simply the text of the invitation in case the link/pdf does not work for you. We are still looking for donations for our silent auction.  Further, we seek various volunteers between Wednesday and Saturday to help in various capacities.  We've detailed it in the invite... Sincerely and truly yours, Christopher

Dear Friends, Family & Special Acquaintances: We beseech you to come join in the joy and celebration of Christopher and Kathy's new life together. Entertainment begins at 7pm, 11 pm nuptials Pirate theme encouraged — prizes for best costumes. Entertainment, games*, silent auction*, and dinner under the Harvest Moon. *please bring your pocketbook RSVP by October 4TH via phone:  ***-***-**** or via email: *******@*****.com or in person [Business Address] Volunteers Wanted! From Wednesday through Saturday we are seeking volunteers to help make this event happen. Please call anytime to offer us your hand to help with errand drivers preparing the sumptuous feast (Thursday or Friday needed) decorations and set up (Friday afternoon / early evening) SHORT shifts for as follows: event drink and auction ticket sales Games table hosting event food and drink maintenance & logistics greeting table hosts and escorts.  WE SEEK DONATIONS FOR OUR SILENT AUCTION! Proceeds to fund [Business Name] General Store PLEASE CALL US, DROP OFF AT [BUSINESS NAME] OR BRING RIGHT TO THE EVENT! This Event Takes place at the LOCATION:  Royal Canadian Legion [address] By car:  [directions] By foot:  [directions] The Legion is [directions]**limited parking available— drop off your fellow guests and we'll direct you to the nearest parking lot**



A few years back, one of my very best mates got married to a swell chap.  Needless to say, the ceremony was beautiful, the reception was smashing, and their marriage is joyful.  They managed to get through it all without any major slip-ups, and without any tackiness or classlessness.  So, I suppose my qualm is truly miniscule in comparison with some of the horror stories on this site, but I was appalled regardless.

A few weeks after the wedding, I received by post one of those photo card things you can get done up at Boots or Snappy Snaps.  It was a picture of the happy couple on their big day, and it was just lovely.  On the white bit that around Christmastime says, "Happy Christmas!" like, it said, "We're Married!"  There were little bells and birdies and ribbons and it was all very naff. 

The problem is thus:  The things are bloody pointless.  If they sent one out to everyone who merited an invitation, they're redundant (and there were quite a lot of us).  If they sent one out to folks who *didn't* merit an invitation, it's just plain rude!  "Very sorry we didn't invite you to our wedding, but so's you know, we had one!  And it was BRILLIANT!  Shame you missed out.  Cheers!"

I brought it up to my Mum who agreed with me, but besides that thought it wise to bite my tongue.  Blimey.


Last summer a sorority sister of mine (N) wed her long time boyfriend (J), a friend of mine as well as fraternity brother to my boyfriend.  Had N been marrying anyone else we wouldn't have expected to be invited, same with J, so I don't blame them for not sending us an invitation.  Since J and N had met at college, they decided to get married there.  A week before the wedding they returned to the college town and proceeded to invite all their college friends by word of mouth.  My BF and I had graduated and moved away from the college town so we didn't hear about the wedding.   The Thursday before the wedding, several of our mutual friends away messages and Facebook message mentioned the wedding and hanging out with the couple.  I e-mailed an invited friend to ask him to send my well wishes on to the couple and in return I received a "pity invite" from J.  Had this invite come more then two days before the wedding I wouldn't have minded, I might have even attended, but I was unable to make travel arrangements and my boyfriend couldn't get time off, so we didn't go.  I e-mail J to thank him for the invite and send our regrets.  Since then, we have said nothing about the "pity invite," but our relationship with N and J has never been the same.  If you can't invite everyone, make sure your guests know so uninvited people don't accidentally find out and don't extend a "pity invite."


This past year, my boyfriend received word that his friend "Charlotte" from college was going to be married this summer. My BF is thrilled for his friend and happy to attend her wedding, although his ex-girlfriend, "Sarah," will be the MOH. My boyfriend is not one to speak much of past relationships, but as I would be meeting Sarah at the wedding, he was obliged to fill me in a little. From what I heard, she's a vicious tempered drama queen who put my BF through hell. I understand there is two sides to every story, but considering in the year I've known him, he's been such a sweet, even tempered guy and he says their screaming matches nearly got them kicked out of the apartment they shared. No matter what, they were clearly ill suited and brought out the worst in each other. 

Still, I am excited to attend the wedding, as I am thrilled to meet Charlotte and "Ben," the Groom. BF receives the invite, we RSVP. A month and a half, I ask my BF if he wouldn't mind asking Charlotte about dress code (it's a wedding on a beach and I've never been to one before). He e-mails her and she writes back that I was not invited. Apparently, they are only having 50 people and no one can bring a date. However, this was not mentioned anywhere in the invite (It was for "Mr. John Smith and Guest). Charlotte's e-mail then goes on about how Sarah would be there and how Sarah is married now.

I am so steamed. First, if I hadn't asked a question, I could have driven four hours to a wedding I was not even invited to and either been turned away or crashed the party, neither appealing options. Also, the way her e-mail was written with all the references to Sarah, makes me believe that I am not invited not because of the number of people, but because she doesn't want to offend Sarah. My BF is still invited, but he doesn't want to go without me, since the only people he will know is Charlotte, Ben, and Sarah. According to him, this has Sarah's name stamped all over it. When he dated a girl between the time he dated Sarah and myself, they attended a Thanksgiving dinner thrown by Ben and Charlotte and Sarah, she threw a tantrum about his date.

But what burns me up is the bride, Charlotte, never stands up to Sarah. It's Charlotte's wedding, not Sarah's. If Charlotte wants my BF and myself at the wedding, she should have us. She should tell that immature drama queen it's MY WEDDING, not yours! Plus, Sarah's married. Isn't it time to get past these things? All I know is, if my boyfriend and I end up getting married, I'm not exactly feeling like I want that pair of spineless wimps at my wedding.


About a year ago my fiancé and I received an invitation to his cousin's wedding-well, we sort of received an invitation. The bride, we'll call her "Susie", is actually my fiancé's step-cousin but since his step-father has raised him since he was 3 and he is now 30 and his real father is often out of the picture, nobody gets too technical. My fiancé, "Jim" has always had the same last name though-his biological father's last name to be precise. One would think that Susie, having grown up with Jim, would know this. Apparently she did not. The invitation came addressed to someone that did not live in our home-oh yeah, and his guest. The invite said 'and guest' on the outer envelope and perhaps that wouldn't be too over the top rude if I hadn't met Susie on at least 4 other occasions and oh yeah, did I mention that we got engaged to our fiancés on the exact same day? There was a very big family announcement about this little fact. Needless to say, we didn't go to the wedding but Jim's mother did attend. She attended, hugged the bride and groom, congratulated them, brought a gift. The works. A couple of weeks later she received a thank you letter that went a little something like: We are sorry that you couldn't attend our wedding but we would like to thank you for the lovely blah blah blah.  Ridiculous, simply ridiculous.



I was invited to a very good friend's wedding and the extremely beautiful and fancy invitation read as follows:

You are invited blah blah blah....   Printed on the back.....   Please deposit money in lieu of gift into the following bank account blah blah blah.  Use your name as a reference on the deposit slip.

Gobsmacked!!   I RSVP's that I was unable to attend.



My Fiancé is a music director for a church, and offers his services at other parishes when needed. He has worked at several churches and has made friends along the way, and continues to do some work at my family's parish. One of those "friends", whom we will refer to as "Ethel" is an older lady whom most of our town and parish can not stand."Ethel" is very manipulative, mean spirited, and extremely self serving (for any of you mental health people she is totally a text book histrionic personality disorder). In her world, everyone is out to get her and just "so mean."

Anyways, a few years ago (before I met Fiancé) he met her while working for our parish. She works in the office and is involved in everything there, even things she has no business being a apart of. She immediately adored him  and attempted to "adopt" him. Basically her sons have not done much with themselves, and Fi is everything she has ever wanted in a son. Ethel is always over stepping her boundaries in attempting to be Fiancé's mother.  

Ethel does not care much for me or anyone else in my family, and likewise with us about her. She especially does not care for me since Fiancé and have been together. I get the feeling she thinks I am "tainting" him, and he also his priorities changed after we began dating (i.e. he spending more time with me, not always answering his phone, etc.). Then Fi and I moved in together, big step for us. I can only imagine Ethel's inner monologue when Fiancé changed his mailing address at the church.  

Fast forward six months, Ethel's daughter gets married and she desperately wants Fiancé to play and sing, which he agrees to do. Fiancé informs me about the wedding and the reception. I am slightly confused b/c no invitation has arrived at the house. When I question this he informs me that it came to his office.... I question this, and he shrugs it off. After longer discussion, I find out that not only did she send the invitation to his office, not our home, she had the audacity to put Fiancé & GUEST......

Fiancé being a man doesn't quite understand until I spell it out for him, A) she sends your paycheck to our home every other week, not to mention works in the OFFICE of the church, she knows our address B) She knows we live together, she knows me and still put that on the invite THAT she SENT to your OFFICE. Fiancé and I actually had a fight about this b/c he began to defend her actions, and could not believe that Ethel did this on purpose. I finally had to say that while I am pissed about what she did, his reaction pissed me off even more b/c I felt that she had disrespected me, him, and our relationship, and he was defending that action. We worked it out in the end (of course), but it really fired me up. 

At the reception there was a seating board, and sure enough it had Fiancé's name and Guest written with our table assignment. She had the audacity to walk by me later on, touch my arm and say, "I am so happy you could make it tonight" with an ugly look on her face before walking away. I swear my top was about to blow, if I'd had any doubt it was purposeful, that sealed the deal.

In doing our guest list for our wedding, I was writing down names as Fiancé was telling me, and he said Ethel's name and before he could say Ethel's husband's name I yelled over him "..and Guest?" Then I followed up with, " Maybe it should be 'Ethel's Husband's name and Guest.'" He didn't laugh as much as I did. I thought it was funny.


Our friends paid Royal Mail to personalize the stamps for their wedding invitations; so the envelope had a picture of them on, underneath the frank mark!  I usually think ‘to each their own’, but this one just baffles me.  What am I supposed to do with an ink-stained stamp of the bride and groom’s faces?   What’s the point?  Anyone I’ve mentioned this to goes off into fits of giggles and refuses to believe anyone would do something so weird and naff.  It’s a total waste of money, and it’s sad in a way, because it’s just another example of the wedding industry sucking people in and fooling them into thinking that the perfect wedding must have a zillion extras, even if those extras bring nothing to anyone’s wedding experience.  All we need is a loving bride and groom! 


I received an invitation for a wedding from someone I barely knew in church - she put them on the chairs at the bible study before hand. The invitation was a postcard! On the front was a terrible picture of the couple sitting on a rock in shorts and t-shirts (they looked all wet as if they had just crawled out of a river), and on the back it said, "We're getting married!" with the time, date and location, a smiley face, and the list of places they are registered. No names - but I recognized her from the picture.

Oh yes - and it was scrawled sloppily in purple pen. Where does one get such ideas?  



For several years, I worked in a small office (think 10-15 employees). I shared an office with my direct Supervisor Becca. Becca had been living with her BF  B for 7 years. Becca had previously been dirt poor, and when B came along, with all of his money and pompous attitude, she hung on for dear life even though he was a right wing fruitcake who treated her like a POW! (I will have to submit a different story for his Xmas party antics!) At any rate, B finally proposed when, at the age of 36 (she was 28 or 29) he was ready to procreate.             

Now, bear in mind, I had worked with Becca for 3 years at this point. We had our ups and downs, and sometimes she was an out and out bitch, but we worked closely, and shared many personal tales during this time. Once the wedding planning began, she was always seeking my help, along with Wendy, the VP and Charity the receptionist for tips and advice on her wedding planning, which she always did during work hours. After being subject to endless hours of hearing all about the fancy location for the reception, the Japanese theme, the cake, the photography, the church, etc, Wendy, Charity, and I all just presumed we would be invited (Remember, we were a very small group that worked very closely together, and Becca herself often likened us to a "family"). The invitations went out. After a week or so, we all noticed that we had not received one. Finally one day, out of the blue, Becca proceeds to tell me we would not be invited, as the cost of the reception was extremely high, and she simply could not afford to invite us, with all of B's friends and associates coming. We all felt extremely slighted, but said little. Needless to day, I passed on contributing to the office wedding gift.           

A week or so before the nuptials, Becca posted a memo on the office door, stating that anyone who wanted could attend the ceremony, just not the reception. TACKY. The crowning insult however, was when she received notice 2 days before the wedding that 2 guests were no longer able to attend. Upset over having already paid for their meals, she proceeds to then issue a verbal invite to me and Charity, while adding a half hearted, "Gee, I really wanted to invite you guys to begin with, I just didn't want to offend the others."  Guess who stayed home that weekend!!


My sister's friend "Christy" was getting married. Great, whatever. She had a little boy and already had furnishings, linens, things like that. Her and her Fiancé' were living together and decided that she would have a bridal shower, but called the guests ahead of time to stress that she did not "really need anything" except money for their honeymoon (which I already knew was being paid in full by a relative). Weeks later we receive an invitation for the shower in the mail. Written by the bride's mother, it states, 

"Christy would love the honor of your presence at her shower, but at this time cannot think of anything that she needs, as she already has her apartment set. In Lieu of gifts, we request financial contributions so that she can go on a romantic honeymoon". 

I thought this was extremely rude, not to mention that she had already called the guests ahead of time and said the same thing. I was glad to see that there were still a few gifts at her shower, and not as many "financial contributions" as the bride would have liked. One guest even showed up with no card or gift. But hey, maybe it taught her a lesson?


First we were told there would only be a small wedding with the immediate families of my brother's son & his fiancée' in attendance. Then, 2 months later on 11/11/07, I  got a call from my sister-in-law, who told me plans had changed & there would be a big wedding on 1/19/07 in downtown NYC. She needed all the relatives' addresses (scattered all over the country) for the invitations. Invitations to brother & sister cousins in their 20's were addressed jointly as if they were 12 years old. They don't even live in the same home. Engaged cousins' fiancés were ignored. We all received invitations 11/26/07, (west coast recipients received theirs on 11/27/07) with an RSVP date of 12/1/07...4 to 5 days later. DUH! In the invitation we were directed to the couples web-page. Very nice, except these are 2 college-post-graduate-degree individuals who should know how to spell. Beyond the misspelled words, was the bid for money instead of gifts. C'mon...from a lawyer & almost doctor. My parents immigrated here in the 1920's and did everything they could to give us a solid basis in everything from education to the social graces. My poor deceased mother is roiling. It would have been better if they stuck with the original plan. Everyone would have sent them a gift anyway.



Approximately once every two years, my husband's parents try to convince us to accompany them to a family wedding or party to which they alone have received an invitation.

One year, we were urged to go with them to an elegant wedding with a reception which included a sit-down dinner of prime rib and lobster and a full bar. Can you imagine the chaos five unexpected people would have caused?!?

Another time, it was a very formal wedding reception two hours from our home. When I protested that we had not received an invitation and therefore should not attend, my MIL insisted her invitation was for her entire family. (Thirteen of us at that time.) I asked to see the invitation so I could tell my husband about it. I was handed an interior envelope addressed solely to Aunt So-and-So and Uncle Whatever. My family did not attend. My sister-in-laws family did attend on her mother's say-so that it would be okay.

So far, this story just seems to be about some clueless people, but here is my big problem. After the second wedding described above, the family hosting the reception actually asked why my husband and I did not attend! "After all, (husband's sister and family) came all the way from City6HoursAway." I was flabbergasted! I said something about the only invitation being for just my husband's parents. I was informed that in their family that meant all of us were invited.

I'm afraid they will think I'm some prissy etiquette snob, but I just can't go to a formal event unless my name is on the invitation. I know they are wrong in issuing such invitations, but should I bend the rules and go along with it?



My dad received a "Save the Date" refrigerator magnet two Decembers ago for a wedding the following September. The bride is the daughter of an ex girlfriend from 30 years ago that he sometimes gets together and have coffee with. Last September comes and goes and he never receives a wedding invite. He doesn't care either way since he really didn't want to go to the wedding anyway. Just this last week he runs into the mother of the bride and she shows him all of the wedding pictures (we're talking full on brag book). Not a word is said about the save the date card and not inviting him to the wedding.


Page Last Updated October 11, 2008