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My cousin and his now wife, let's call her "J", got
married in August of 2006. They got married in Toronto and my fiancé and I live
in Vancouver, but we knew about the wedding and had planned to visit and attend
So we wait, and wait, and wait for an invitation. Nada. I call
my sister and ask her and she too, does not receive one. My parents, however,
My sister then phones my cousin to ask if she and her date are
invited, to which he says of course they are. Doesn't explain lack of
Turns out that supposedly my fiancé and I were included on my
parents invitation (although our names were not on there) and my sister was
included with my aunt's (???) invitation but her date was not. They assumed we
knew we were invited and that we would show up, despite the fact that I live
ACROSS THE COUNTRY.
We showed up at the wedding and it went off without a hitch.
However, I've never forgotten how "forgotten" I felt. It was terrible
etiquette and extremely poor planning, something I've since discovered that both
are well known for.
Oh, to top it all off, my fiancé and I received a thank you
card from the bride and groom for our gift (hand embroidered towel set that I
worked) but my mother and father did not. My mother didn't even know about it
until I mentioned it in a phone call. Very classy, guys.
I was doing a 6 week co-op placement during my first
semester in college. One lady that worked there was getting married
close to the end of my 6 weeks, we did not directly work together but had the
same lunch break so we often talked during that time. She was starting to
get her reply cards back and was very upset that she was getting a lot of
declines. She was mostly upset because the declines were family - she had
her wedding date picked out but did not send out save the date cards or make it
well known and a cousin of hers (who did know her date) sent out her invitations
very early with the same wedding date - she found this out when she got her
invitation in the mail earlier. She was also upset that not one of the
people who declined had sent along a gift or card and asked me what I would do
if I could not attend a wedding. I explained that if invited to a wedding
I would send a gift but that I would probably not send it with the reply card, I
would send it closer to the wedding date. The next day she showed up to
work with an invitation for me and a guest to her wedding. She knew very
well that I had other plans on her wedding day as we had talked several times
about my plans and she even gave it to me saying "I know you can't
come but I thought you might like an invitation anyways."
My friend and I could not help but laugh at this invitation
one day over lunch. My friend, Janet, and her significant other, Arnold,
have been together about 2-3 years. They live together and are raising 3
children, 2 are Janet's from a prior relationship and 1 that they had together.
Arnold's cousin is getting married this summer to a girl that works with Janet.
Janet and the bride don't really get along but it's nothing serious.
They've never had an actual argument or fight or anything like that. They
just generally keep their distance from each other. Well Janet gets home
one day to find an envelope addressed to "Mr. Arnold." No last
name. No return address. Not even a stamp, meaning it must have been
placed in her mailbox. Not only that but someone else's name had been
whited out and Arnold's name written over it. It was the invitation to his
cousin's wedding. Obviously Janet and the children were not being invited
and it seems to me that the bride was purposely trying to dig it in that she
wasn't inviting Janet. The invitation was home-made, which in itself
doesn't have to be bad. I've seen some beautiful home-made invitations
that look better than some commercial invites. But this looked like a
"bad church bulletin" to quote my friend. It was printed on
flimsy paper, folded unevenly, and the text was occasionally broken up by a few
sketchy looking graphics of things like 2 rings or a cross. I know you can
find better images of things like that online if you take the time. It's
not about money. It's about how much time you spend to make something look
nice that is going to set the tone for your entire wedding. This girl
obviously rushed through the invitations and didn't care. I mean she
didn't even care to find out Arnold's last name for goodness sakes.
Oh, and the only option given for people to RSVP was to call the bride's cell
phone. In fact it even stated that if you get her voice mail please call
I received a wedding invitation from a friend who was getting
married. Both young and just starting out, she and her husband were
getting married in a simple ceremony, with a reception to follow.
However, when I received their wedding invitation, I notice the following
printed in bold calligraphy across bottom of the invite:
NO GIFTS--MONEY TREE AVAILABLE AT RECEPTION
I was taken aback, since I wasn't sure which was tackier--the
fact that someone would actually have a "money tree" at a wedding
reception---or that they were essentially demanding that I give cash as a gift.
They might was well have sent me a bill with an invoice.
Anyway, I am of the mindset that a wedding present should be a
gesture of love and generosity from the friend or loved one--not demanded or
expected. Given the situation and how I felt about it, I chose
to treat this statement as if they were giving me two choices when it came to
giving them a wedding present. I chose the first option: NO
Why wasn't I invited? I've known "Sandy"
since high school, which was in a small town. We ended up going to the same
small college, 4 hours away from home, and we were good friends, even
making the trip home together on weekends or holidays. Anyway, she became
engaged her senior year of college (I was a junior). I saw her slightly less
around this time, as she was constantly visiting her fiancé at another college.
I ran into her often enough that she showed me her wedding dress pictures and
was telling me about some of her wedding plans.
Her wedding was held that summer, and almost all of our mutual
friends were invited, except for me. One of my best friends, "Molly", was
her photographer, and since Molly lived 3 hours away, I let her stay with me so
that Molly wouldn't have to pay for a hotel. Sandy knew Molly was staying with
me, and even told Molly it would be okay if I joined them for drinks the night
before Sandy's wedding at a local bar. I declined, as I knew it would be awkward
to be around everyone if I wasn't going to the wedding. Our mutual friends and
Molly still think the whole thing is crazy to this day, which happened 3 years
ago. Sandy and I have lost touch, to say the least. How tacky is it to invite
the whole group of friends and leave 1 out? It's not like I would have had to
stay at a hotel, I lived 5 minutes away from where the wedding was held!
I was excited to find out that a close friend from high school
was engaged. She had changed a lot since high school.....becoming quite
greedy and shallow, but I still considered her a friend.
Another friend of ours was asked to be in the wedding, so I was updated on
plans, dates, etc. When I received the save the date card, I made
sure that I would be free for that day. That was the last I received from
the bride to be. I never received an invite to a shower, and the actual
wedding. I also never heard from the bride again. I talked about it
with our mutual friend.....who knows all to well what kind of person she is, and
told me that they actually invited several people to her shower, who did not get
wedding invites. They were upset, obviously, and some said something about
My good friend Joy had kidney failure and passed away at
age 35 in December 2005. Joy was married to a guy I will call "Frank".
Joy and Frank have two daughters. I always visited Joy and she was a dear
friend to me. Joy had another good friend whom I will call "Darla".
Darla visited Joy often as well and acted like she really cared about Joy.
In the summer of 2006, I was shocked to find out that Darla had begun dating
Frank! When I would go visit the kids or Joy's neighbor (whom is also my
friend), I would see Darla over at Joy's house decorating and acting like it was
Then about two weeks ago (It's now August 2007), Frank and
Darla showed up at my house unannounced to give me an invitation to their
wedding that was the following Saturday. I was disgusted and I knew I would
never attend or support this, but I didn't want to be rude and I was so shocked
that I said, "Ooh, ok well thanks". They then happily said, "We
hope to see you there," and left. Later I did open the invitation and
I couldn't believe what it said inside. It read:
Frank (and his last name) &
Darla (and her last name)
invite you to share in the joy
of the beginning of their new life
together when they exchange marriage vows on
Saturday the fourth of August 2007
at eight o'clock in the evening
at..... blah blah....
Is it just me or does anyone see what is wrong with EVERYTHING here?
I wanted to go crazy when I read the invitation, especially when I thought about
how Darla is now living in Joy's home (which is also by the way where Joy passed
away) AND she even has the nerve to sleep with Frank on the very same bed
Joy that died on! I am appalled at it all. She is obviously oblivious that
she has done anything hurtful or wrong period. I can't believe she even included
the word "joy" in her invitation! And I am no wedding expert,
but isn't 8pm a bit late in the day for a wedding to begin? Wait! It gets
even more tacky.
Then I opened the other smaller envelope. Correct me
if I am wrong but I always thought the smaller envelopes inside
wedding invitations were RSVP cards, so that is what I was expecting to see
inside. Instead it had no RSVP info. It just read: In Lieu of gifts we would
appreciate cash gifts in the form of cash or check! I looked inside of the card
and it was blank and there was a Chinese new year red money envelope
inside of it. I wanted to barf by this time and still do. I think
EVERYTHING she did is totally tacky and evil too. The stupid invitation was
inconsiderate and offended me, (and many others as well). I don't know how
she could morally do any of it and not feel bad. Tacky all the way around!
Needless to say, NO WAY DID I ATTEND! NO WAY!
I am not sure if this is a faux pas or tacky or if it is even
against etiquette, but I have been puzzling over this for years.
Years ago a woman I'll call Beth got engaged. We had been very
good friends when younger, but had drifted apart although we still had many of
the same friends- we just never saw them at the same time. She was-still is- a
very friendly, gregarious type; much moreso than I am and she invited everyone
to the wedding she had ever met, practically, except me. I was very hurt at
first when I realized that alone of all of our mutual friends that I was the
only one not invited, but then decided- probably immaturely- that if she had no
interest in inviting me, I really had no interest in seeing her again even
socially, and to this day I really have no interest in her life.
Anyhow, at the reception many of our mutual friends realized I
had not been invited and many of them felt terrible, including the next person
of the group to be married- Marian. Now, Marian and I had never been very close
simply because we never hit it off very well: differing personalities; nothing
major, so I was surprised- we hadn't been close enough that I ever expected to
hear except third or fourth hand that she was even married- and pleased to be
invited to her wedding.
I went and had a good time, and found out after the fact that
she hadn't really wanted me invited, but felt so badly that I hadn't been
invited to Beth's wedding that she invited me to hers. Should I have felt hurt
by this or pleased? I honestly have no idea and haven't for ages.
The kicker to Beth is that two or so years after her wedding
we got invited to the same birthday party and I got told that Beth and her
husband were very apprehensive about going because they weren't sure how I was
going to take being around them for -really- the first time since the wedding. I
had been living at the same address all my life; they could have picked up the
phone or written to me at any time and asked me.
While I think etiquette was probably breached on both sides,
I'm not sure how I ended up being the ogre.
Well I sure hope my guests don't hate me for this one. My
future mother-in-law begged to do my invites. After she throws a fit about the
whole thing I finally caved in. We went and bought some really cute
print-it-yourself invites. We set up the wording and I made sure to tell
her that I wanted call-in invites. I am having a small informal wedding so I
figured that this was fine. Plus I have a lot of family out in rural areas so
they have trouble getting mail delivered and sent out. With everything printed
and ready to go I take a look at the rsvp cards only to find that she made them
all mail in. When I mentioned to her that I thought we agreed on call in rsvps,
she rolled her eyes and took the invites for my family. She then scribbled my
cell phone number down and said: Happy now? I notice the address labels
for my family are confusing. Instead of putting: The Smith Family, she just put
Mr. Jon Smith. I looked at the invites for her friends and family and they were
all nicely done: Mr. and Mrs. Jones and family. Here's the tackiest part: she
listed all the places we were registered. Before I had a chance to redo them all
she mailed everything off. Now, no matter how much she insists and begs that she
wants to help I will not be accepting.
Following is an emailed wedding invitation that my partner
received last year. The fact that a date for the wedding is not listed, or that
the promised link didn't work, are the least of this invitation's problems. The
invitation was emailed on September 26th, with RSVP's requested by October 4th,
and the wedding on the 6th.
Fortunately, we had another wedding to attend that evening,
and couldn't make it. I'm not sure where this one goes, since it is the
invitation itself that is horrible, but the event it describes is so much worse.
Friends who did attend, say it was exactly as they expected.
Dear People of My Universe: Please cut and paste this web
link to your internet address bar OR try clicking on it to download the pdf
file which is our invitation to YOU to our wedding and [Couple's Business's
Name] Fundraiser. LINK: www.****.com/pdf
Kathy and I would be most honored to have you there!
Please RSVP, if possible, by October 4th with the number of guests you plan to
bring. RSVP:[Business Email] OR ***-***-**** OR
[Business Name] [Business Address] (see [business website] for store
Below is simply the text of the invitation in case the
link/pdf does not work for you. We are still looking for donations for our
silent auction. Further, we seek various volunteers between Wednesday
and Saturday to help in various capacities. We've detailed it in the
invite... Sincerely and truly yours, Christopher
Dear Friends, Family & Special Acquaintances: We
beseech you to come join in the joy and celebration of Christopher and Kathy's
new life together. Entertainment begins at 7pm, 11 pm nuptials Pirate theme
encouraged — prizes for best costumes. Entertainment, games*, silent
auction*, and dinner under the Harvest Moon. *please bring your pocketbook
RSVP by October 4TH via phone: ***-***-**** or via email: *******@*****.com or
in person [Business Address] Volunteers Wanted! From Wednesday through
Saturday we are seeking volunteers to help make this event happen. Please call
anytime to offer us your hand to help with errand drivers preparing the
sumptuous feast (Thursday or Friday needed) decorations and set up (Friday
afternoon / early evening) SHORT shifts for as follows: event drink and
auction ticket sales Games table hosting event food and drink maintenance
& logistics greeting table hosts and escorts. WE SEEK DONATIONS FOR
OUR SILENT AUCTION! Proceeds to fund [Business Name] General Store PLEASE CALL
US, DROP OFF AT [BUSINESS NAME] OR BRING RIGHT TO THE EVENT! This Event Takes
place at the LOCATION: Royal Canadian Legion [address] By car: [directions] By
foot: [directions] The Legion is [directions]**limited parking
available— drop off your fellow guests and we'll direct you to the nearest
A few years back, one of my very best mates got married to a
swell chap. Needless to say, the ceremony was beautiful, the reception was
smashing, and their marriage is joyful. They managed to get through it all
without any major slip-ups, and without any tackiness or classlessness.
So, I suppose my qualm is truly miniscule in comparison with some of the horror
stories on this site, but I was appalled regardless.
A few weeks after the wedding, I received by post one of those
photo card things you can get done up at Boots or Snappy Snaps. It was a
picture of the happy couple on their big day, and it was just lovely. On
the white bit that around Christmastime says, "Happy Christmas!" like,
it said, "We're Married!" There were little bells and birdies
and ribbons and it was all very naff.
The problem is thus: The things are bloody pointless.
If they sent one out to everyone who merited an invitation, they're redundant
(and there were quite a lot of us). If they sent one out to folks who
*didn't* merit an invitation, it's just plain rude! "Very sorry we
didn't invite you to our wedding, but so's you know, we had one! And it
was BRILLIANT! Shame you missed out. Cheers!"
I brought it up to my Mum who agreed with me, but besides that
thought it wise to bite my tongue. Blimey.
Last summer a sorority sister of mine (N) wed her long
time boyfriend (J), a friend of mine as well as fraternity brother to my
boyfriend. Had N been marrying anyone else we wouldn't have expected
to be invited, same with J, so I don't blame them for not sending us an
invitation. Since J and N had met at college, they decided to get married
there. A week before the wedding they returned to the college town and
proceeded to invite all their college friends by word of mouth. My BF and
I had graduated and moved away from the college town so we didn't hear about the
wedding. The Thursday before the wedding, several of our mutual
friends away messages and Facebook message mentioned the wedding and hanging out
with the couple. I e-mailed an invited friend to ask him to send my
well wishes on to the couple and in return I received a "pity
invite" from J. Had this invite come more then two days before
the wedding I wouldn't have minded, I might have even attended, but I was unable
to make travel arrangements and my boyfriend couldn't get time off, so we didn't
go. I e-mail J to thank him for the invite and send our regrets. Since
then, we have said nothing about the "pity invite," but our
relationship with N and J has never been the same. If you can't
invite everyone, make sure your guests know so uninvited people don't
accidentally find out and don't extend a "pity invite."
This past year, my boyfriend received word that his friend
"Charlotte" from college was going to be married this summer. My BF is
thrilled for his friend and happy to attend her wedding, although his
ex-girlfriend, "Sarah," will be the MOH. My boyfriend is not one to
speak much of past relationships, but as I would be meeting Sarah at the
wedding, he was obliged to fill me in a little. From what I heard, she's a
vicious tempered drama queen who put my BF through hell. I understand there
is two sides to every story, but considering in the year I've known him, he's
been such a sweet, even tempered guy and he says their screaming matches
nearly got them kicked out of the apartment they shared. No matter what, they
were clearly ill suited and brought out the worst in each other.
Still, I am excited to attend the wedding, as I am thrilled to
meet Charlotte and "Ben," the Groom. BF receives the invite, we
RSVP. A month and a half, I ask my BF if he wouldn't mind asking
Charlotte about dress code (it's a wedding on a beach and I've never been to one
before). He e-mails her and she writes back that I was not invited. Apparently,
they are only having 50 people and no one can bring a date. However, this was
not mentioned anywhere in the invite (It was for "Mr. John Smith and
Guest). Charlotte's e-mail then goes on about how Sarah would be there and how
Sarah is married now.
I am so steamed. First, if I hadn't asked a question, I could
have driven four hours to a wedding I was not even invited to and either been
turned away or crashed the party, neither appealing options. Also, the way her
e-mail was written with all the references to Sarah, makes me believe that I am
not invited not because of the number of people, but because she doesn't want to
offend Sarah. My BF is still invited, but he doesn't want to go without me,
since the only people he will know is Charlotte, Ben, and Sarah. According to
him, this has Sarah's name stamped all over it. When he dated a girl between the
time he dated Sarah and myself, they attended a Thanksgiving dinner thrown by
Ben and Charlotte and Sarah, she threw a tantrum about his date.
But what burns me up is the bride, Charlotte, never stands up
to Sarah. It's Charlotte's wedding, not Sarah's. If Charlotte wants my BF and
myself at the wedding, she should have us. She should tell that immature drama
queen it's MY WEDDING, not yours! Plus, Sarah's married. Isn't it time to get
past these things? All I know is, if my boyfriend and I end up getting married,
I'm not exactly feeling like I want that pair of spineless wimps at my wedding.
About a year ago my fiancé and I received an invitation to
his cousin's wedding-well, we sort of received an invitation. The bride, we'll
call her "Susie", is actually my fiancé's step-cousin but since his
step-father has raised him since he was 3 and he is now 30 and his real father
is often out of the picture, nobody gets too technical. My fiancé,
"Jim" has always had the same last name though-his biological father's
last name to be precise. One would think that Susie, having grown up with Jim,
would know this. Apparently she did not. The invitation came addressed to
someone that did not live in our home-oh yeah, and his guest. The invite said
'and guest' on the outer envelope and perhaps that wouldn't be too over the top
rude if I hadn't met Susie on at least 4 other occasions and oh yeah, did I
mention that we got engaged to our fiancés on the exact same day? There was a
very big family announcement about this little fact. Needless to say, we didn't
go to the wedding but Jim's mother did attend. She attended, hugged the bride
and groom, congratulated them, brought a gift. The works. A couple of weeks
later she received a thank you letter that went a little something like: We are
sorry that you couldn't attend our wedding but we would like to thank you for
the lovely blah blah blah. Ridiculous, simply ridiculous.
I was invited to a very good friend's wedding and the
extremely beautiful and fancy invitation read as follows:
You are invited blah blah blah.... Printed
on the back..... Please deposit money in lieu of gift into the
following bank account blah blah blah. Use your name as a reference on
the deposit slip.
Gobsmacked!! I RSVP's that I was unable to attend.
My Fiancé is a music director for a church, and offers
his services at other parishes when needed. He has worked at several churches
and has made friends along the way, and continues to do some work at my family's
parish. One of those "friends", whom we will refer to as
"Ethel" is an older lady whom most of our town and parish can not
stand."Ethel" is very manipulative, mean spirited, and extremely self
serving (for any of you mental health people she is totally a text book
histrionic personality disorder). In her world, everyone is out to get her and
just "so mean."
Anyways, a few years ago (before I met Fiancé) he met her
while working for our parish. She works in the office and is involved in
everything there, even things she has no business being a apart of. She immediately
adored him and attempted to "adopt" him. Basically her sons have
not done much with themselves, and Fi is everything she has ever wanted in a
son. Ethel is always over stepping her boundaries in attempting to be Fiancé's
Ethel does not care much for me or anyone else in my family,
and likewise with us about her. She especially does not care for me since Fiancé
and have been together. I get the feeling she thinks I am "tainting"
him, and he also his priorities changed after we began dating (i.e. he spending
more time with me, not always answering his phone, etc.). Then Fi and I moved in
together, big step for us. I can only imagine Ethel's inner monologue when Fiancé
changed his mailing address at the church.
Fast forward six months, Ethel's daughter gets married
and she desperately wants Fiancé to play and sing, which he agrees to do. Fiancé
informs me about the wedding and the reception. I am slightly confused b/c no
invitation has arrived at the house. When I question this he informs me
that it came to his office.... I question this, and he shrugs it off. After
longer discussion, I find out that not only did she send the invitation to his
office, not our home, she had the audacity to put Fiancé & GUEST......
Fiancé being a man doesn't quite understand until I spell it
out for him, A) she sends your paycheck to our home every other week, not to
mention works in the OFFICE of the church, she knows our address B) She knows we
live together, she knows me and still put that on the invite THAT she SENT to
your OFFICE. Fiancé and I actually had a fight about this b/c he began to
defend her actions, and could not believe that Ethel did this on purpose. I
finally had to say that while I am pissed about what she did, his reaction
pissed me off even more b/c I felt that she had disrespected me, him, and our
relationship, and he was defending that action. We worked it out in the end (of
course), but it really fired me up.
At the reception there was a seating board, and sure enough it
had Fiancé's name and Guest written with our table assignment. She had the
audacity to walk by me later on, touch my arm and say, "I am so happy you
could make it tonight" with an ugly look on her face before walking
away. I swear my top was about to blow, if I'd had any doubt it was purposeful,
that sealed the deal.
In doing our guest list for our wedding, I was writing down
names as Fiancé was telling me, and he said Ethel's name and
before he could say Ethel's husband's name I yelled over him "..and
Guest?" Then I followed up with, " Maybe it should be 'Ethel's
Husband's name and Guest.'" He didn't laugh as much as I did. I thought it
Our friends paid Royal Mail to personalize the stamps for
their wedding invitations; so the envelope had a picture of them on, underneath
the frank mark! I usually think ‘to each their own’, but this one just
baffles me. What am I supposed to do with an ink-stained stamp of the
bride and groom’s faces? What’s the point? Anyone I’ve
mentioned this to goes off into fits of giggles and refuses to believe anyone
would do something so weird and naff. It’s a total waste of money, and
it’s sad in a way, because it’s just another example of the wedding industry
sucking people in and fooling them into thinking that the perfect wedding must
have a zillion extras, even if those extras bring nothing to anyone’s wedding
experience. All we need is a loving bride and groom!
I received an invitation for a wedding from someone I barely
knew in church - she put them on the chairs at the bible study before hand. The
invitation was a postcard! On the front was a terrible picture of the couple
sitting on a rock in shorts and t-shirts (they looked all wet as if they had
just crawled out of a river), and on the back it said, "We're getting
married!" with the time, date and location, a smiley face, and the list of
places they are registered. No names - but I recognized her from the picture.
Oh yes - and it was scrawled sloppily in purple pen. Where
does one get such ideas?
For several years, I worked in a small office (think 10-15
employees). I shared an office with my direct Supervisor Becca. Becca had been
living with her BF B for 7 years. Becca had previously been dirt poor, and
when B came along, with all of his money and pompous attitude, she hung on for
dear life even though he was a right wing fruitcake who treated her like a POW!
(I will have to submit a different story for his Xmas party antics!) At any
rate, B finally proposed when, at the age of 36 (she was 28 or 29) he was ready
Now, bear in mind, I had worked with Becca for 3 years at this
point. We had our ups and downs, and sometimes she was an out and out bitch, but
we worked closely, and shared many personal tales during this time. Once the
wedding planning began, she was always seeking my help, along with Wendy, the VP
and Charity the receptionist for tips and advice on her wedding planning, which
she always did during work hours. After being subject to endless hours of
hearing all about the fancy location for the reception, the Japanese theme, the
cake, the photography, the church, etc, Wendy, Charity, and I all just presumed
we would be invited (Remember, we were a very small group that worked very
closely together, and Becca herself often likened us to a "family").
The invitations went out. After a week or so, we all noticed that we had not
received one. Finally one day, out of the blue, Becca proceeds to tell me we
would not be invited, as the cost of the reception was extremely high, and she
simply could not afford to invite us, with all of B's friends and associates
coming. We all felt extremely slighted, but said little. Needless to day, I
passed on contributing to the office wedding gift.
A week or so before the nuptials, Becca posted a memo on the
office door, stating that anyone who wanted could attend the ceremony, just not
the reception. TACKY. The crowning insult however, was when she received notice
2 days before the wedding that 2 guests were no longer able to attend. Upset
over having already paid for their meals, she proceeds to then issue a verbal
invite to me and Charity, while adding a half hearted, "Gee, I really
wanted to invite you guys to begin with, I just didn't want to offend the
others." Guess who stayed home that weekend!!
My sister's friend "Christy" was getting married.
Great, whatever. She had a little boy and already had furnishings, linens,
things like that. Her and her Fiancé' were living together and decided that she
would have a bridal shower, but called the guests ahead of time to stress that
she did not "really need anything" except money for their honeymoon
(which I already knew was being paid in full by a relative). Weeks later we
receive an invitation for the shower in the mail. Written by the bride's mother,
"Christy would love the honor of your presence at her
shower, but at this time cannot think of anything that she needs, as she
already has her apartment set. In Lieu of gifts, we request financial
contributions so that she can go on a romantic honeymoon".
I thought this was extremely rude, not to mention that she had
already called the guests ahead of time and said the same thing. I was glad to
see that there were still a few gifts at her shower, and not as many
"financial contributions" as the bride would have liked. One guest
even showed up with no card or gift. But hey, maybe it taught her a lesson?
First we were told there would only be a small wedding with
the immediate families of my brother's son & his fiancée' in attendance.
Then, 2 months later on 11/11/07, I got a call from my sister-in-law,
who told me plans had changed & there would be a big wedding on 1/19/07 in
downtown NYC. She needed all the relatives' addresses (scattered all over the
country) for the invitations. Invitations to brother & sister cousins in
their 20's were addressed jointly as if they were 12 years old. They don't even
live in the same home. Engaged cousins' fiancés were ignored. We all received
invitations 11/26/07, (west coast recipients received theirs on 11/27/07) with
an RSVP date of 12/1/07...4 to 5 days later. DUH! In the invitation we were
directed to the couples web-page. Very nice, except these are 2
college-post-graduate-degree individuals who should know how to spell. Beyond
the misspelled words, was the bid for money instead of gifts. C'mon...from a
lawyer & almost doctor. My parents immigrated here in the 1920's and did
everything they could to give us a solid basis in everything from education to
the social graces. My poor deceased mother is roiling. It would have been better
if they stuck with the original plan. Everyone would have sent them a gift
Approximately once every two years, my husband's parents try
to convince us to accompany them to a family wedding or party to which they
alone have received an invitation.
One year, we were urged to go with them to an elegant wedding
with a reception which included a sit-down dinner of prime rib and lobster and a
full bar. Can you imagine the chaos five unexpected people would have caused?!?
Another time, it was a very formal wedding reception two hours
from our home. When I protested that we had not received an invitation and
therefore should not attend, my MIL insisted her invitation was for her entire
family. (Thirteen of us at that time.) I asked to see the invitation so I could
tell my husband about it. I was handed an interior envelope addressed solely to
Aunt So-and-So and Uncle Whatever. My family did not attend. My sister-in-laws
family did attend on her mother's say-so that it would be okay.
So far, this story just seems to be about some clueless
people, but here is my big problem. After the second wedding described above,
the family hosting the reception actually asked why my husband and I did not
attend! "After all, (husband's sister and family) came all the way from
City6HoursAway." I was flabbergasted! I said something about the only
invitation being for just my husband's parents. I was informed that in their
family that meant all of us were invited.
I'm afraid they will think I'm some prissy etiquette snob, but
I just can't go to a formal event unless my name is on the invitation. I know
they are wrong in issuing such invitations, but should I bend the rules and go
along with it?
My dad received a "Save the Date" refrigerator
magnet two Decembers ago for a wedding the following September. The bride is the
daughter of an ex girlfriend from 30 years ago that he sometimes gets together
and have coffee with. Last September comes and goes and he never receives a
wedding invite. He doesn't care either way since he really didn't want to go to
the wedding anyway. Just this last week he runs into the mother of the bride and
she shows him all of the wedding pictures (we're talking full on brag book). Not
a word is said about the save the date card and not inviting him to the wedding.
Page Last Updated October 11, 2008