of the Year
Stories which earn the coveted honor of actually making
Miss Jeanne bust out laughing or cause some lower mandible rug rubs.
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I've read a lot of stories about the tackiness of the dollar
dance on your website, but I'd like to put this up for discussion. At my college
roommate's wedding they had the dollar dance with the bride or groom, and you
put a dollar in the basket (many people put higher denominations in) in order to
dance with the bride or groom, and at the end of the dance you got a shot of
liquor. I didn't find this tacky and danced with both the bride and the groom,
though refused the shot. Is my etiquette meter off?
Way off. Way, way off. Waaaaaaay
Ooo, look! Another Dollar Dance
debate! **Jeanne cracks her knuckles in anticipation of another Ehell
While reading through the stories, I noticed a couple comments
on the issue of the "Money Dance" or "Dollar Dance" as we
call it. I decided to put my two cents in because this has been a topic of
discussion between my boyfriend and me. I've been a lot of weddings where
there is a Dollar Dance, and a few that have not had them. My boyfriend
and I have begun discussing our wedding, and the Dollar Dance came up. On the
one hand, we both think it is slightly tacky. You're asking your guests to
pay a dollar to dance with you for 30 seconds. On the other hand, it is
only a dollar. And it's optional.
The bride and groom are usually so busy mingling with
their guests and celebrating their day that they often do not have a lot of time
to spend with individual guests. Additionally, I have a big family with a
lot of uncles and male cousins. I doubt there will be enough slow
songs at my wedding to give me an opportunity to dance with each one. That
is why the Dollar Dance is beneficial. It gives your wedding guests a
chance to dance with the bride or groom and spend some brief one-on-one
time with them. Wow, a whooping 30 seconds to
greet, bond, and catch up on personal news. An allegedly dear relationship
reduced to mere seconds on the dance floor.
My boyfriend and I have discussed doing the dance without
charging a dollar, but we come up with the problem of what do you call it?
The Free Dance? Everybody knows what the Dollar Dance is; guests
would probably be confused by the DJ announcing that The Free Dance is
about to start. Our end decision has been to have the Dollar Dance at
our wedding. It is NOT because we want extra money or because we're
trying to screw our guests out of a dollar. It's because we know many of
our guests will expect it and because we want to be able to dance with as many
of our guests as possible. Also, I do not plan to turn any guests away who
come up to dance without a dollar. I do think announcing how much money
the couple "makes" off of the dance and/or waving the cash around is
tacky. But, for guests who are offended by this dance--stay in your seat.
No one said you have to participate in it. In other
words, if these guests offended at the idea of a Dollar Dance wanted some
"brief one-on-one time" with you or new husband, they are screwed. You
don't even realize that money has already caused you to create different classes
of guests whose access to you is predetermined by their position on the
issue. Just understand that sometimes the Dollar Dance is
done for more reasons than to further suck money out of your guests.
Sorry, anytime money exchanges hands from
guest to either host or guest of honor in order for the guest to acquire
hospitality that should have been given graciously and freely, there is no good
way to redeem it or sanitize it. There have been many creative and
gracious alternatives to Money and Dollar Dances offered on Ehell for well over
a decade that do not involve any transfers of cash. People who
either cannot or will not challenge the Dollar Dance are weaklings who whine of
their bondage to the status quo while sticking their hand out.
I just want to let you know that I found your site last night
and have been glued to its hilarity all day today. Thank you for adding this to
the world of entertainment! Nothing pleases me more than to relish in the
stories about monstrous bridezillas, evil 'maids and tacky-as-hell invitations.
I myself have seen my share of bratty bride moments. However, to me, some of the
stories didn't sound like the bride or B&G were doing much of anything that
wrong, but were being bashed by both the contributor and the etiquettehell.com
editor. A BTB myself, I'm now a little...well...terrified of being a bride. Of
handling an invitation the wrong way, of not spending enough on the open bar, or
of otherwise not catering well enough to my guests and my family.
Brings me to wonder when weddings stopped being for the bride
and groom and started being for the guests?
Weddings can bring out the worst in some people, and in brides
indeed, but it does sound to me in some cases that the modern-day bride is being
backed into a corner by her outside observers. Pelted by warnings left and right
not to misstep in any way as to upset or offend any single person involved in
the wedding day. Now, admittedly, I've always been one of the first people to
bash away on bridezilla behavior, but I think the pressure on a bride can go too
far. It's enough to kill the fun of wedding planning for anyone.
For example, one story was shared about a couple who performed
a big "no-no" by noting their gift registry on a card with their
invitations, and on the same page I read a story about a couple who performed a
"no-no" by asking guests not to send gifts at all. And BOTH actions
were considered rude and selfish. Good lord!
Yes, because both presume that the guest
exists to be told how to spend (or not) their money in honor of the bride and
groom and presumes gifts are forthcoming from guests and one can therefore
control the flow.
I mean, I wonder if any of these story tellers ever considered
the sincere (albeit naive) efforts of first time marrieds-to-be, couples who are
just trying to pull off a great party and see people they cherish enjoying the
day with them. Has anyone ever taken into consideration that an average wedding
costs more than the average down-payment of a home - and that most of said money
goes into feeding and entertaining other people? People who might just end up
questioning the "cheapness" of their cash bar or complaining about the
informality of the invitations? Should a new term be created for guests who
demand too much from their hosts, who throw hissy-fits about uncovered chairs,
adult-only receptions or inexpensive favors? Maybe "Guestzillas"? Pssst...
you might want to see this...http://www.etiquettehell.com/content/eh_wedding/guests/eguest.shtml.
And another question: with the exception of true
"bridezillas," are the bashers of these more innocent brides simply
envious of their joy and therefore attempting to gain some inward revenge by
picking out each and every slip-up and casting it under such a harsh floodlight?
Bridezillaism is defined in my mind as the
attitude of entitlement to achieve what one wants. Every real life bride I
have identified as "bridezilla-ish" entered her wedding planning with
a definite attitude of selfishness and entitlement which eventually manifested
itself as disregard for the welfare of others. When I call someone a
bridezilla, there is nothing innocent about them.
It just seems to me, in my own humble opinion, that a few of
us need to give Bride-to-Be a break. Every person has his or her own differing
set of guidelines that a couple must follow - including the couple itself. In an
event where rules get muddied up by familial differences and modern upbringings,
among other things, how can a bride ever get through her own wedding without
inadvertently insulting or offending SOMEONE along the way?
Thank you for letting me opine. Great site.
Thanks for keeping me entertained during slow days at work!
Your website is hysterical (in a cringe-worthy kind of way). I have a
rather amusing "tacky wedding" story involving my own family, which I
only recently learned about... My mom is the middle child, between
two brothers. Her two brothers' wives loathe each other. I'll call
the older ones Aunt & Uncle 1 (AU1) and the younger ones Aunt & Uncle 2
(AU2). Normally AU1 has the family's "tacky" reputation, and AU2
are more classy, even Kennedy-esque. In this case, though, the roles are
reversed. When AU2 got married about 10 years ago, AU1 was not able
to attend the wedding. Nonetheless, they wanted to make sure to send a
nice, heartfelt gift, appropriate for a close family member. (The
"U's" are brothers, after all...) A2 had a complicated registry,
and very different taste from anyone else in our family. So, after much
searching, A1 finally selected a beautiful, limited-edition, *expensive*
hand-blown glass vase. The vase was stamped 67 in a series of 100.
Anyhow, AU2 had a gorgeous, lavish, East Coast wedding, and of course received
TONS of gifts... Flash forward about a year later... AU1 are
visiting their son and his fiancée one weekend, when lo and behold,
A1 sees a *beautiful, limited-edition, expensive hand-blown glass vase*
sitting on their fireplace mantle. She picks it up and examines it.
Sure enough, it's stamped 67 in a series of 100.
When confronted later on, AU2 made up some lame, paltry excuse
about having received two identical vases, so they gave one to their nephew.
Yup, they (re)gifted their nephew with the same wedding present given to them by
his parents... Aah, I love my family...
An e-mail I received for a friend's upcoming birthday party
(that she is throwing for herself, but did not have access to her email so she
had another friend send it):
Hi Friends of XXXXXX,
Here are the par-tay details
Purpose: XXXXX is getting old(er)! =)
Time: 5:00 PM L
ocation: 5555 X Street (Google it!)
Fare Provided: Cake, Spirits, Appetizers & Snacks
Optional/Bring Your Own: Grill items (steak,
chicken...etc), chairs, items you cannot party without
If I have to buy my own “grill items” and bring something
to sit on, I think I am better off sitting at my own table at home eating my
Ooo, yeah. The old "It's my
birthday and since I don't trust any of my deadbeat friends to properly honor me
in the style I feel appropriate to my stature, I'm hosting my own birthday
party" faux pas.
The bride and groom at first were asking people to pay a $10
COVER to go to their wedding. Bizarrely enough, however, this money was to
go to assorted charities, including helping to pay for a mission trip the couple
wanted to take. Eventually enough people convinced the couple not to do this, so
instead of charging guests to come to THEIR party, they've settled on the LESS
tacky "in lieu of gifts, please donate to these charities" (plus their
own trip) announcement on their wedding website. Friend asked
me what she should get the happy couple, and I said an etiquette book.
How ironic that in seemingly doing God's work they ended up in Etiquette Hell.
I've heard of couples marrying to acquire
material assets that come from the receipt of wedding gifts but getting married
to fund a missionary trip is a new one.
I don't have a large family. As such, I'm fairly close
to my whole family, extending as far out as third and fourth cousins.
"Marie" is my grandmother's first cousin; albeit much younger than
Gran. I am the oldest of my cousins on my Mom's side. This woman and
her husband were invited to my Bat Mitzvah, along with the rest of my family,
and I received a modest check from them.
Between my Bat Mitzvah and that of my next-oldest cousin, two
years later, Marie's daughter "Betty" got married out of town.
Her having moved away when I was little, none of us knew her all that well, and
couldn't fit a far-away weekend getaway into our schedule or budget.
However, as a gift from my family and my aunt's, we sent an extremely lavish
crystal bowl to the couple with our love and well-wishes.
After the gift was received, my aunt received a call from the
bride's mother, asking where the gift was purchased, and not-so-subtly hinting
that it would be returned. As tacky as this was, we brushed it off.
Maybe Betty didn't like the style, or had received a similar one.
However, the problem with having a close family is the grape
vine. Invitations to my cousin's Bat Mitzvah had not yet gone out, but
already Marie was whining and bitching to other cousins that she couldn't wait
for the Bat Mitzvah, because of how "crappy" and "cheap" our
gift to her daughter had been. She claimed she was going to, "give as
good as she got," and that she was going to eat our food and drink our wine
and stiff us on the gift. Note that we did not even attend her daughter's
wedding, and that none of us had seen her daughter in years. Note again
that the gift would have been for my twelve year-old cousin on the occasion of
her most important rite of passage. This remains to be the pettiest thing
I've ever heard.
Needless to say - whoopsie! - she was never invited. Nor
was she invited to the B'nai Mitzvah of my brother or other cousins in the
following years. But wait! There's less! My mother's second cousin (Marie's
sister's daughter, first cousin of Betty) is very close to us and also to Betty.
Upon hearing the stories of her Aunt Marie, she did a little snooping. It
turns out that Betty actually loved the bowl and had kept it, as evidenced in
her gushing thank you letter to us. (We'd just assumed that she was being
polite or even sneaky.) It was Marie who had decided that the bowl should
be returned, because *she* didn't think it was good enough.
We no longer speak to Marie, but have seen Betty and her
husband at family events a few times. They're the kindest, most gracious
couple, and I can't believe that someone so sweet was reared by someone so
manipulative and rude.
The problem with the family grapevine is that
second, third and fourth-hand stories can be tainted by the gossipers' own
motivations and prejudices and end up bearing no resemblance to the truth.
I would never form a conclusive opinion about a family member based on grapevine
hearsay but would ask directly the person attributed with the crime if this
rumor was true. You and your family terminated a relationship based on
gossip and not firsthand evidence and that's kind of sad.
Although this story is concerning a baby shower, it was more
the sheer disregard for the honoree that prompted me to submit this.
About a year ago, I was planning a baby shower for my dearest
friend. This was her third child. I would like to mention that her oldest was 10
year old girl and her infant was a boy. As such, I planned a very casual
bar-b-que for girls and guys alike (kids too). I had received a guest list from
the Mommy-to-be (again!), which mostly included mutual friends and members from
both her and her husbands’ family. As we all are close, everyone knew that no
gifts were expected but would be much appreciated. (I did not put this on the
invitation though. That would be a major faux pas.)
We had almost all of the 30 or so people invited RSVP with a
positive response. The etiquette blunder occurred on the day of the bar-b-que.
Only the mothers of the Mommy and Daddy to be, myself and my husband, and 1
other person showed up!!!! My dear friend was devastated, as was I. How could so
many people just decide not to show up?? Along with her feelings of rejection,
was the realization that we had enough potato salad to keep us fed for a month!
It just seems that most people these days have no regard for
others feelings and no thought to as what a hostess invests, financially and
time-wise, for functions. These people need to be banished to etiquette hell for
On an ending note, my dear friend still enjoyed her bar-b-que
and now feels that she knows who her true friends are.
The failure to reciprocate the hostess'
kindness with an accurate RSVP is one of my pet peeves about entertaining.
Here I am expending time, money and energy planning a party, sending invites,
buying the food, preparing and serving it and some percentage of my guests don't
have the decency and kindness to either tell me whether they are coming or not
or bail out on the party for no apparent reason. Over the years I have
trimmed my potential guest lists of these parasites. My opinion is that if
my invitation are so bothersome to respond to, I'll refrain from exposing them
to further temptation to be burdened.
Where I used to work, there was a tradition that had been
adhered to for many years. When someone was getting married or having a
baby, the receptionist (who was clearly the alpha dog in our pack) would go buy
a gift for the person, would return to the office and announce to everyone how
much their individual share was and would then plan a lunch where everyone
attended at one of the nearby restaurants (the honoree's favorite). You
could only sign the card if you gave your full share. A cake would be
ordered and the law firm we worked for would pay for the cake. This had
been going on for years.
Then the shy girl who worked near me, Jean, got engaged.
She was in mid-30's, sort of plain and quiet and had never been married and when
I asked about the planned wedding she told me that her family was outraged that
she was getting married at all. Her father had died several years before
and all her siblings were married with children and they had basically decided
that it would be Jean's lot in life to stay single and live with her mother the
rest of her life. When Jean met her fiancé' and decided to get married,
they were all against it and so the couple had decided they would go to Mexico
and be married. They made all their plans very carefully, even going
through pre-wedding instruction so that a Catholic priest they had contacted
would be able to marry them in Mexico. Jean went out several times at
lunch hours and finally found a short but elegant cream colored lace dress for
her big day. She was so happy and for a formerly prim and somewhat glum
little person, I thought this was marvelous.
As time got closer and closer to the wedding, though, I
noticed that there was no flurry of planning. The receptionist had made no
mention of any gift collection. Finally, I cornered the receptionist in
the lunch room to ask her what we were getting for Jean. We only had a
week to go and I hadn't heard anything. She glared at me and said
"Ha! I don't like her and we're not doing anything for her!"
Now, Jean had never done a thing to this person, and had always chipped in on
all the other showers and gifts over the years. Then the receptionist
glared at me and said, "And I am telling you, that is how it will be, we
are NOT doing anything for her!" I said "Well, you can certainly
determine that YOU are not doing anything, but you are just one person."
I then went around with one other coworker and we collected money in advance of
shopping. Many coworkers expressed relief. They didn't have to give
some set amount decreed from on high, we took all contributions, no matter how
small and everyone was invited to sign the card. Then after the money was
collected, we went shopping, bought a nice gift for that amount of money and
planned the lunch. There were 25 of us who usually attended these things
and we made the arrangements for the lunch with the understanding that 15 people
had said they would attend. The day of the event, however, several of them
started avoiding eye contact and at the shower/lunch, it was Jean, me, the other
girl who had helped me collect money for the gift, 1 paralegal who was part-time
and not privy to the grapevine and the elderly bookkeeper who also was never
kept up to date on the current "gossip." Apparently, the
receptionist had put out the word to everyone else that they were incurring her
wrath if they attended and like sheep, they followed.
I often wondered if any of these people knew that this was
potentially the only celebration this poor kid was getting for her big day.
She was afraid to have a wedding in town because her family had said they would
all boycott it and of course, none of her family had gotten her any wedding
gifts or wished her well. As it happened, her husband's mother had a
little reception for them in her home a few weeks after they returned to town
and, rather than be left out, Jean's family did somewhat grudgingly, attend.
I came and noted that at one point, right before they cut their cake, the
groom's friend who was taking photographs asked the bride and groom to each get
whoever they would've had as their best man, maid of honor to stand with them
for a photo and Jean looked around wildly and finally rushed over and grabbed
me. We were not all that close but I knew she was very shy and had few
friends, contrary to her outgoing new husband.
And as an epilogue, about 5 years later, the receptionist was
taken ill and diagnosed with a brain tumor. She, who had bragged on a
daily basis about her fabulous marriage and her husband who ADORED her and
worshipped her, died from this tumor very soon after being diagnosed and the
husband that she claimed "worshipped" her brought a DATE to her
funeral and married his girlfriend a week later. I have wondered many
times if she wasn't really just jealous that someone else was really and truly
happy when all she had was just a sham marriage that looked good on the surface.
Having recently stumbled upon this wonderful vault of
etiquette faux pas, I feel compelled to share what I still consider to this day
to be my "tale of woe". My husband and I were married November 18,
2006 in Orange County, California. We were engaged in August of 2005, giving us
nearly a year and a quarter to plan our large and lavish Catholic ceremony.
Given the amount of work planning a wedding requires, and
considering my own ongoing health condition I chose to hire a wedding
coordinator. She came highly recommended and endorsed by several bridal
organizations as well as various media outlets (magazines, websites, etc.) We
paid our deposit at the end of August 2005 and began planning our wedding.
The first sign that I should have hightailed and run away came
at our first vendor day. We were scheduled to see 2 florists, 2 caterers, 3
photographers, and 2 DJ's in ONE DAY. We started at 7 am and by the time we
reached the first florist we were already exhausted. The coordinator let us know
that this vendor was her favorite and were "the absolute best" in
their industry. They must have been, because the price they quoted us was 3/4 of
our entire wedding budget. The coordinator took me to the side and let me know
that my budget was "completely unreasonable and impossible to work
with." So we caved, and bumped our original budget from $25k to $30k.
We thought that had solved the problem. No. By the time we
were finished, our wedding wound up costing over $90,000. Yes, I take
responsibility by half on this. Our coordinator insisted on only using "the
best" vendors which obviously meant the most expensive, and I just didn't
Throughout this time, the coordinator is becoming more and
more elusive and I have trouble getting a hold of her or getting return calls. I
then get a cryptic email saying "we need to talk." I arrived at her
home office where she proceeded to tell me she was three months pregnant, making
her due date in July for my November wedding. I asked if this was going to be a
problem, she insisted it wasn't. After all, there were 4 months in between the
The planning goes on, but somehow I never see the coordinator
again. I start working with another woman at the company, "Danielle",
who is fantastic. Now keep in mind that our contract specifically indicates the
original coordinator's presence alone, not that of an assistant or
alternate. But being fairly low-key I was fine with working with
"Danielle" since I was still receiving fantastic service, and assumed
that because of her pregnancy that our original coordinator had to hire help.
Not a problem, I thought to myself, as long as she still performs the main
duties of the rehearsal and wedding itself.
The week of the wedding comes and still no sign of or contact
from the original coordinator. "Danielle" meets me for all the final
detailing events and assures me that the original coordinator would be at the
rehearsal. Night of the rehearsal, no sign of her. "Danielle" comes in
and handles everything, saying she doesn't know where the original coordinator
is, but she should be here any moment. She never did show up.
The day of the wedding is a huge affair, as it is for any
bride. I was set to have myself and my girls all set to go by 2pm for pictures.
The coordinator was to be at my house at 1pm. I got a voicemail on my cell phone
from the coordinator saying that she couldn't find any childcare and that she
had to stay home with her child. This woman knew about my wedding over a year in
advance! So "Danielle" shows up, apologizing profusely but still
receiving the brunt of the anger coming from my mother at having to see her
daughter upset and crying on her wedding day.
Luckily things went smoothly (thank my lucky stars) the whole
night. Or so I thought. My mother, and anyone else involved in the wedding party
shooed the wrongdoings away from my attention. The wait staff didn't give my 80
year old grandmother water or juice to take her diabetes medication, my MOH was
violently ill and was left to fend for herself in the women's restroom, and my
mother's table was vandalized by some unknown assailants.
Long story short, I wound up communicating with the original
planner after the wedding. She indicated to me that in the event of an
emergency, her contract allowed her to send a replacement. Well, her
"emergency" didn't quite add up with me, so I chose to ask for a
refund of 50% of her service fee. She refused, even after veiled threats of
talking with the Better Business Bureau. So, we wind up with our day in small
claims court. She was so outrageous, out of control, and unprofessional that the
bailiff made us wait in the court room until she had left the building because
he feared for our safety!
I won the case, had my money returned, and all is well. And
luckily, "Danielle" was fabulous and a lifesaver and my wedding was
wonderful. She left the company a few months after the lawsuit and started
her own business. I say cheers to her!
I highly recommend reading "One Perfect
Day - The Selling of the American Wedding" by Rebecca Mead.
Professional wedding coordinators have a vested interest in creating
bridezillas, particularly if the coordinator's fee is tied directly to the
overall cost of the wedding. They need brides to want more and
subsequently spend more. Just because a coordinator has memberships in
"professional" associations that allow her to put indecipherable
initials behind her name does not guarantee she is a talented or competent
Some people's word is anything but their bond. I've known
Vinny for about thirty years now. We went to school together and he spent
several summers with my family and I. We lost touch for a while, then I found
his address on the net and we got back in touch. After about a year or so, we
once again lost track of each other. I had called him before and after
that I didn't hear from him for many months. Then my mother passed away and I
called to tell him the bad news. He always considered my mom his second mother
and mom felt the same way. He asked if he could be a pallbearer for Mom and I
told him that would be a very nice gesture. I gave him directions to the funeral
home and what time the funeral would be.
The day of the funeral we waited and waited and no Vinny. I
finally told the preacher to wait five more minutes and start without him. About
four minutes later, in comes Vinny only saying, "We're late." After
the funeral Vinny tells me to give him a call sometime and we'll talk over old
times. (If the roles were reversed, I would have told him I would give him a
call in a couple of weeks to see how he was doing.) So I called him sometime
later and after that I didn't hear from him until July 4th. (We last spoke in
November the previous year.) He told me he was at work and he would call me that
evening. Evening came and went, no phone call. Then a couple of weeks later I
emailed him asking if everything was going ok. He got back with me with news he
had gotten married and he would call the next day before a football game
started. I sent him an e-card congratulating him. He emailed me thanking me and
reiterated he would call me the next day. The following day came and went and ,
you guessed it, no phone call.
On my mom's 1st anniversary of her passing, I kind of thought
he might remember. But in typical Vinny fashion, no phone call, email, nothing.
In my opinion, calling is a two way street. How much time does it take to call
and ask someone how they're doing? And if I tell someone I'll call them, I will.
I try to keep my word to friends. After all you never know when you may need
I'm sorry about your mother and also sorry
that you had the unpleasant epiphany that your friend simply does not want to
invest in you the way you have invested in him.
When my boss got engaged, a co-worker threw her a bridal
shower and invited most of the women in the office. (A faux-pas in itself,
since most of us weren’t invited to the wedding – but as the wedding was 3
hours away and most of us couldn’t have gone anyway, nobody really seemed to
I wasn’t able to attend the shower, but my co-worker
“Kathy” told me what happened. Everyone got there, and the hostess
announced that this would be a sales party shower, with the guests expected to
purchase items. This was not mentioned in the invitation!
And of course, it wasn’t just any type of sales party; it
was a sex toys sales party! Just what you want your co-workers to see you
purchasing! Kathy had brought her elderly mother, and was mortified.
(Luckily, her mom had a good sense of humor about the whole thing.) I
don’t know if people purchased items for themselves, the Bride, or both - and
frankly, that’s information I’m just as happy to do without.
EWWWW! Not only would I not want my
co-workers to know what type of sex toy I buy, I wouldn't want them to even have
a teensy hint that I could be the type of person to own and use them. Nor
do I want my work experience tainted with the knowledge of what my co-workers
have purchased for their off-work pleasure. I can see it now....
"Now Jeanne", the elderly senior secretary said, patting me on the arm
matronly, " I really didn't think you were a 'jiggly fluffy bunny' kind of
girl. Between you and me, I've got my eye on that 'raging bull horns of
In May of 1999, my husband and I were unfortunately present at
a horribly tacky wedding. First off, the bride and groom were a very unlikely
couple and had a highly volatile relationship due to his drunkenness and drug
use. They decided to get married the day after New Year's 1999, even though he
had gotten extremely drunk and extremely abusive. He not only pushed her around
because she refused to give him the keys to his truck. He then proceeded to kick
and dent his truck in a rage. The future bride then called his parents and they
came and picked BOTH of them up. They were both living with his parents at the
time. The next morning, he said since she had stuck with him he felt they should
get married. She stupidly said yes and proceeded to make wedding plans for May
of same year.
The Future Bride insisted their family hit up their friends
and family for sponsorships to pay for the wedding. (None of which were thanked
for the money!) The MOH was a co-worker of the FUTURE BRIDE and started off
enthusiastically helping her out. She insisted on taking the FUTURE BRIDE to a
little town in Mexico to have the Future Bride's wedding dress made. After
poring over magazines, a dress design was picked and they were told to come back
in a month for a final fitting and to pick up the dress. Mind you, the town was
about a 5 hour drive from where they lived in the US. The day before the final
fitting the MOH calls and says she can't make it for some reason or other. The FUTURE BRIDE
gets her sis and BIL to take her to Mexico. They get to the seamstress's and lo
and behold, the dress hasn't even been started! They say they will definitely
have it before the wedding. The FUTURE BRIDE agrees to wait because where can
she possibly get a custom made dress for $250 that included the ring pillow,
corsages for the groom, parents and crowns for the BM's? Bad mistake.
The MOH promises to take her the following month, but again
the night before calls and says she can't make it. The FIL takes them and once
again, the dress in not finished so they wait around for about 4 hours. The
dress doesn't even closely match the original design! Anyway, the MOH was
opening a restaurant and offered to cater the wedding as a gift. The week before
the wedding she calls the FUTURE BRIDE and says if she can pitch in $450 for the
food since she didn't expect it to cost so much. The FUTURE BRIDE obliged and
gave her the money. (should've known not to rely on the MOH by now!)
On to the wedding day: The bridge insisted on making all of
the decorations herself. Really just taper candles surrounded by ivy.
Decorations had to be put up the day before. Remember now, it is South TEXAS and
super hot and humid in May already. The wedding was held at a party house that
basically had water coolers to cool the place down, but for some reason was
terribly stuffy. The bride rented an old beat up car and proceeded to driver
herself, her mother, aunt and cousin to the wedding. Upon entering the party
house, she realizes she forgot about the music for the march, so just walks in
on the arm of her brother and mother. She quickly realizes that the tapers have
softened in the heat and are now arched over!
Now on to the reception. Needless to say, the food was great.
Her friend even had the wait staff at the restaurant wait on people. They were
served tea and if they wanted anything else, they had to purchase it from the
bar. Some people even walked in with their own bottle of liquor! Needless to
say, the bride and FMIL got plastered together. The groom didn't since he was
already hung over from drinking tequila with his father and friend the night
before. The MIL proceeded to dance and actually knocked over a toddler and fell
over him. The bride even went out and badly danced the Macarena! After the
reception, the bride and groom again went their separate ways. He went to his
mom's--where they were having an after reception party--and she went to drop off
her mom, aunt and cousin at her mom's house. Afterwards, they met up at the
In-Laws where a keg had been bought by the groom. He proceeded to get drunk with
his father and friend. The bride went to bed about 3AM alone. When she awoke the
next morning, the groom was still outside getting plastered with his dad and
That night, their honeymoon was spent picking up pizza and a
case of beer on their way out to a State Park about an hour away. They spent the
night in the back of the truck and awoke to have buzzards circling overhead.
(Maybe they thought they were dead!) They then went home and opened up presents
and the bride then went mad looking for envelopes that she knew had money in
them. She didn't even send out thank you notes. Talk about tacky, tacky,
My husband and I are now Christians and have been happily
married 8 years this last May. Needless to say, I own up to my tackiness and am
now horribly mortified by it.
HAHAHAHA! Best Ehell story punch line
I received this via email from the groom of a wedding, a day
after the nuptials. This is my husband's brother and he is in his
early 50's, and this is his second wedding. Most everyone received this email,
or a hard copy through the postal system, can you believe this? We sent a very
appropriate gift, worth about $100.00, however it was not green. Can you
Guests of xxxxxx,
Thank you for attending the Wedding and sharing our
Marriage day together. I had planned the Wedding with the size constraints of
the xxxxxl, and the xxxxxxx facilities available to me to host the Wedding. I
also took into consideration that this would be and mature Wedding due to our
age. I hoped that everyone could appreciate the opportunity to enjoy an
upscale location, Hors D’oeuvres, Entrée menu selections, bar selections,
and entertainment. Many are simply unaware as to the true cost of a
Wedding in today’s dollars. I hoped ahead of time, that everyone could
estimate a reasonable gift, and only hoped that any potential gifts might
cover the expenses of the Wedding itself. At this point, I wish to
delicately point out, the true cost of the Wedding that I put together, paid
for myself, and hosted, for you to understand and consider. The total
cost to me for each Guest to attend the Wedding was $97, including only for
the items listed above, and enjoyed by each Guest. I am writing this
letter, to delicately point out the true cost of attending this Wedding, so
that information that may not have been not previously known by Guests, may be
used as they see fit, for any choice they may wish to make. I really do
appreciate everyone being there to share the moments, and create lasting
memories of our Wedding.
Brother-in-law has earned the coveted EHell Spit BBQ Award for this
I was on Facebook when I saw this advertisement. Can you
believe this? Taking out a loan to pay for your own wedding is one thing (though
as a bride to be I believe sticking to a realistic budget is much better) but
taking a loan out for your wedding, then expecting other people to help you pay
Here's a link to their site: *deleted
because I never like to give free advertising or better Google ranking to sleazy
"The Wedding of Your Dreams Without the
"A new way to pay for weddings"
"Planning a wedding is bad enough. But paying for it
can be a nightmare, particularly if you don't feel so good about asking your
parents to foot the bill.
With XXX, there's a new way. You can take out a MysteryLender
Loan—a personal loan—to pay for up to $25,25,000 of wedding expenses. It's
an unsecured loan, with rates as low as 8.75%, based on your credit. That's a
lot less than credit cards and big banks.
But there's a twist. With MysteryLender, you can get help
with the payments on your loan from other MysteryLender members! You post a
profile, they pick you as a borrower to help when they invest at MysteryLender.
They get a risk-free MysteryLender CD with a top interest rate. You get a
lower loan payment.
Now think how it would work if you asked your parents,
friends, or guests to buy a MysteryLender CD. Since a MysteryLender CD is
guaranteed and insured, they won't have to worry about when you'll pay them
back. But they'll be helping you while doing the kind of investing they might
be doing anyway. And since more than one MysteryLender CD can benefit you, you
could get your entire loan paid off.
How MysteryLender works You can borrow for any reason. No
fees to borrow or prepay. Friends and family buy a 1-year MysteryLender CD to
benefit you. They earn a top risk-free rate and lower your payments"
I have an (ex)-close friend who was going through a divorce.
She’d found out her husband was having an affair, and was having a rough time
of it. She’d invited me to spend a few days with her at her home, which is in
a large city.
I explained I would be glad to come, and asked if she was sure
this was a good time (since she’d been busy with divorce attorney, etc.). She
assured me it was, so I bought a plane ticket, packed my bags, and left to visit
I should note that while I am by no means poor, I also am not
wealthy. The income from my husband’s job funded the trip, as I am a
stay-at-home wife. He didn’t mind, as he understood it was something akin to
an “emergency trip”, in a way.
Well, I got to my ex-friend’s house, and she was in a
terrible, awful mood the entire time I was there. Screaming at her two poor
toddlers, etc. I assured her I sympathized with her plight, and asked if she
wanted to talk, go out for coffee, etc. but she just said “No, I’ll be okay.
I just need some “space”.
I then decided to go shopping alone (since my friend didn’t
want to come, even though I would have found a sitter for her via phone book, or
not objected to taking her kids with us).
When I returned, she apologized to me, saying she was just “out of sorts
lately”, and suggested we go out for dinner. I assured her I understood, and
agreed it would be fun to catch up, and go to a nice dinner out. Her sister came
with us. I bought dinner and drinks for all of us (not that it matters, really).
We had a good time at dinner, although I noticed my friend was
consuming more than her fair share of alcohol.
After dinner, she and her sister were going to an obligatory
family event at their brother’s home (in the same city), and they were
dropping me off at a large shopping mall, at 9pm. All fine and good.
Well, I went shopping, and 9pm came and went. I was standing
in the mall parking lot, waiting. At the time, I had no cell phone, so I
couldn’t call my ex-friend, to find out where she was. I WAITED FOR 2-1/2
HOURS. Half an hour I understand, but 2-1/2 hours late? She knew I had no car,
no phone, etc.
When she finally arrived, she was really drunk, and no excuse
except she’d “lost track of the time” (I guess she and her sister were
obviously in a few bars.) I didn’t really realize just how drunk she was,
until we were on the Interstate, driving back to her house.
She was weaving all over the road, driving 80 miles an hour or
more. I was terrified she might get us killed. I was also very angry she’d
done this. I know she was upset about her divorce, but does that entail trying
to kill your friends via drink driving, necessarily?
I finally urged her off the Interstate and into a gas
station/convenience store, under the pretext of needing to buy some women’s
hygiene products. Where I promptly excused myself, and called a Taxi-cab, and
explained I wasn’t going to go on like this, and was going to fly home the
next morning, and spend the night in a motel near the airport.
She then said to me: “But – all your luggage is at my
place”. I was so steamed, I told her to just keep it. Her mouth fell
open a little (good), and she told me I was “over-reacting” (Really? Hmmm).
I said “Good-bye”.
She drove away, and I went to a motel, with no tooth brush, or
pajamas, or make-up, etc. Next morning I bought full fare plane ticket
home. The flight customer-service attendant must have thought I was some
battered, runaway, house-wife. I looked a mess. But I didn’t care. I just
wanted out of there. Fortunately, my husband understood, and was furious at my
Her sister brought me my luggage the next week, at my house,
and said she, too thought I’d “over-reacted”. I said thanks for the
luggage return, but that I didn’t think I’d over-reacted at all, and that I
didn’t want to discuss it further with her.
My relationship with my ex-friend cooled off immediately
afterward, and I can only hope that she has checked herself into some alcohol
rehabilitation facility, and joined a therapy group. I feel nothing by sympathy
for her two children.
My fiancé and I have dated almost 5 years. We both lost
our beloved spouses to cancer when we were in our 40’s. When we became
engaged, my adult children both called my fiancé and congratulated him.
Now, three months later, his adult children have yet to speak to me. His
son pretends I’m invisible. His adult daughter has been on the phone to
him and other members of their family distraught, weeping and proclaiming
“…I always thought someday he might move in with her but never dreamed
he’d actually marry her. How could he do this to MOM???”
Her mother passed away 6 years ago. The daughter has undergone no more
heartache than my children and I. It is a blessing that I have found
another wonderful person to spend my life with. Please let (self-focused)
adult children know that their behavior throughout the engagement sets the tone
for our future relationship. I’m dreading the wedding for fear that she
will make it all about herself instead of about our joy.
I have really enjoyed your site! It is very entertaining. I'm
not too sure if the category fits the occasion, but here's an interesting
tale.... My brother's stepdaughter got married a few years ago,
I'll call her Kelly. He was divorced from Kelly's mother a year before
(I'll call her Wilma). My brother, Will, felt honored to be
involved in the wedding because he basically raised Kelly and loved her as
his own. My mom and I were invited as family and were happy to attend.
The event was at a very elegant venue with all the trimmings.
It was a picture perfect wedding except for one jaw-dropping surprise.
It was held at a glorious two story ante-bellum style mansion. It was
tastefully decorated with flowers and candles and crystal sparkling everywhere.
There were no seating arrangements for the guests, and no ushers. My mom thought
that odd, but we didn't have a problem finding a place to sit. We didn't see
Wilma, but figured maybe she was upstairs with last minute arrangements for the
bride. We didn't give it another thought at the time. The main room
had a sweeping, curved staircase that the bride was to walk down and join
Will, who was to give her away (or so we thought!). The processional
was like a fairy tale. One BM after the other came down the stairs to a string
quartet's beautiful music.
Then the moment we had all been waiting for... The Bride! The
music built up to an exciting crescendo, we all stood up in
anticipation....Then she appears at the top of the stairs-- all smiling and
radiant... but wait! What's this? TWO brides? Can it be? No... its her MOTHER
!(Wilma) in a long white sparkling wedding gown holding the arm of her daughter,
in a long white beautiful wedding gown as well! The deciding difference was
the bride had a veil and big bouquet. Wilma had a small yet sparkling tiara and
BM bouquet.... They eased down the staircase to the amazement of us
all. We thought we were seeing double!! Kelly joined up with Will for the
walk down the aisle. Will was looking a little baffled as Wilma took Kelly's
other side and the trio proceeded to walk to the altar. It was quite a bizarre
sight, one gentleman and two "brides"...
The pastor did the usual asking of "Who gives this woman
away" and first Will said, "I do," then Wilma said the same. Will
hugged Kelly, then walked away and sat by his current wife. Wilma just stepped a
few feet away next to the MOH for the rest of the ceremony (which went
beautifully). I was sitting a few rows in back of Will, and could see his head
shaking in embarrassment throughout the entire ceremony. My mom and I had to
stifle the giggles, and that took quite an effort. After the announcement of
Husband and Wife , Kelly and Josh (new hubby) walked out together, with
Wilma close behind (alone), then the rest of the bridal party followed.
Afterwards, my mother mentioned to Wilma (her ex-DIL) that the staircase
processional was beautiful, and what a surprise to see Wilma with Kelly! Wilma
explained that she always wanted to have a big fancy wedding but couldn't afford
one until now, and thought it would be a fun surprise for everyone. My mom was
appalled but replied in some tactful way. Wilma's new (third) hubby was hiding
in corners behind large flower arrangements during the whole process. Bless his
I later asked my brother, Will , if he was aware of what was
going to happen. I thought he was privy to the proceedings since the night
before there was the usual rehearsal and all. He said that the bride's mom stood
in for her during the rehearsal (something about bad luck). But he had no idea
Wilma would be marching down the aisle with him and the bride. The
rest of the evening went fine, Kelly was very gracious and sweet.
Josh, her new hubby was apparently very happy. She said she was a bit
surprised by what her mom did as well. She said she should have gotten an
inkling when Wilma tried on dresses at the wedding boutiques with her. But she
was told, "It's just for fun"! We never heard about
any "fallout" later. Our family isn't in that loop anymore. Knowing
Kelly, all was forgiven. What a classy gal.
Last year my boyfriend and I were invited by a friend to
attend her college graduation. We knew her as she was the girlfriend of a long
term pal of my boyfriend but we became friends with her nonetheless and I felt
happy to support her on her graduation day. The morning of the graduation her
boyfriend phoned us and suggested we carpool (he had just gotten a new car and
wanted to show it off to us). We declined and said we'd rather not be any extra
trouble as we live on the other side of town but he insisted that it made more
sense to carpool and even went as far as to say he was "already on the
way" so no ifs ands or buts about it. We shrugged and agreed to go along in
the new car.
We got our first ride in the new car and all arrived together.
Fast forward through the graduation service which went well. She was graduating
with a performing arts degree so the group used their graduation to display
their many talents.
After the service there was a small reception with coffee and
desserts. This is where the tackiness begins (but sadly not where it ends). The
new graduate introduced me to her family and then quickly asked me to help her
parents bring her gifts (including ours) out to the car. Then she gave me and
her folks a list of other things to do, helping clear the table and toss out
people's cups and plates as they were left behind. I wasn't aware but apparently
the university did not provide the refreshments but many of the graduates set it
up with their own means. Anyway, I didn't really mind helping out so she could
mingle as it's not like I knew anyone else there and it was "her day"
so I did this all as a favor an even found myself joking and laughing with her
parents as things came to and end.
Now here's where it gets really awkward. Turns out the new
graduate, her parents, her boyfriend and his mom were all headed out for dinner
directly after. Essentially everyone she invited to her limited-seat graduation
was expected after dinner (except us). In fact, it was the first we were hearing
about this dinner, which someone mentioned they had made reservations for well
in advance. I can tell the lady of the hour is at a loss what to do because she
clearly did not invite, nor has intentions of inviting us out to dinner so she
point blank asks me, "Um, what are you guys going to do while we have
dinner?" I was shocked! I certainly did not expect her or her family to
treat us to dinner and would have paid my own way (as I think this was her
concern), but honestly we were both offended that she would invite us to her
ceremony but expect us to get lost for dinner. I guess the fact we carpooled (at
her boyfriend's pleading) threw a wrench into the plan.
So what could I do? I told her that was fine and we'd just
like to be dropped off at home. She stared at me and nodded rather slowly and
then runs off with her boyfriend into a storage room where we can both hear them
heatedly discussing things. After a minute the boyfriend comes over and says,
"Yeah I guess we won't have time to drop you off and still make our
reservations so we're thinking we can drop you two off at the mall so you can
get something at the food court."
That's exactly what happened. We sat silently in the car as we
were dropped off at a nearby mall where we both had a good long rant together at
our rude friend's expense. They picked us up 2 hours later and little was said
till we thanked them for the ride home.
The topper, a few days later she calls me and says, "Oh
you two really should have come to dinner, my parents were treating and we
thought you were coming but everyone was SO surprised when you weren't there but
(boyfriend) said you guys wanted to go to the mall instead." I was in
SHOCK! Not only did we totally get snubbed, but then she phones me and acts like
the "plan" was for us to eat dinner with them and we flaked out and
were no shows.
To this day I am still shocked as it is probably the rudest I
have ever been treated by anyone but it has been a good story and great for a
few laughs. I never mentioned the incident to either of them but needless to say
we've kept our distance since and have learned the valuable lesson to always
have an escape vehicle on hand lest you be stranded at the food court!
Thanks, this has been cathartic. Hope this counts as a faux
pas for your archives! FauxPasoftheYear0414-08
Hi Jeanne. I love your site. About two years ago, my then bf,
now fiancé and I attended a wedding from hell.
My boyfriend and I sometimes like to go to a local nightclub
known for its alternative culture. This club is the place to flaunt your tattoos
and piercing, listen to industrial music and dress up in Goth or fetish
clothing. During our visits to this nightclub, we met another couple. We'll call
them Joe and Linda. They both look the part of the nightclub with large tattoos,
unusual hair and the uniform of spikes and chains.
We began to get together socially from time to time. Now, my
boyfriend and I don't dress the way we do at the nightclub all the time. Joe and
Linda, however, do. When they got engaged and invited us to the wedding, Linda
enthusiastically told us that it would be a 'medieval, Goth fetish wedding.' She
encouraged us to come in kinky costume, assuring us that the people at the
church were the most open-minded in the world.
Well, neither of us typically dress this way for a wedding,
but we wanted to make the bride happy. So, dutifully, we dressed up. I wore a
little black dress with fishnet stockings and six inch heels. My bf wore leather
from head to toe complete with S&M accoutrements hanging from his belt. We
felt pretty good, since this is what Linda wanted.
Well, we went to the church and immediately knew that
something was not right. The people outside were all extremely conservative
religious people: suits, ties, flower print dresses. We double checked to make
sure that we had the right address. We did. We both took deep breaths and walked
in to the church, which happened to be a particularly conservative denomination.
The bride neglected to tell us that the groom's family was extremely
conservative. They looked worried as we walked in. We were both so
uncomfortable. We dress that way when it is appropriate, not generally at
weddings. However, we couldn't do much about it at this point, so we walked in
and found seats in the church, trying to ignore the looks of shock and horror on
the other guest's faces.
After a while, others dressed like us showed up. Apparently,
the bride had told half of the guests to dress like they were going to a fetish
club. The other half of the guests were not impressed and everyone was
Well, we sat there waiting for the bride to show up for two
hours. The whole time, we listened to the same song on a loop. I did not want to
listen to that particular musical group again for about a year after the
Linda finally showed up. She was wearing a nice, medieval
style dress. The ceremony itself was quite beautiful. We went through the
receiving line and into the church multipurpose room where the reception was to
Now, Linda is beside herself and crying nonstop, which would
have been understandable if she hadn't insisted on grabbing the mike and
rambling on and on. The reception did not have an MC, so she, the bride, was
able to do whatever she wanted. After over half an hour of her tearful
blabbering about her friends, I wanted a stiff drink. I had always thought that
a wedding was about the couple, not the bride's friends, tattoo artist, etc. But
whatever. It's her wedding.
There was no alcohol at the reception. The bride, apparently,
did not believe in drinking. That's fine, provided the bride does not give the
guests cause to want to drown their sorrows. The food was cold and not very
palatable. We ate anyway, attempted conversation with the cranky people at our
table who went and ate somewhere else, leaving us alone. We were both very happy
to get out of there.
At the wedding, the couple stated that they did not want
gifts. They gave the option of donating to a charitable organization on their
behalf. Later, when my bf was visiting Linda, she told him that she was hunting
down everyone who didn't send her and Joe a card. She then remembered that we
hadn't sent a card and freaked out, yelling at him. He said that he had a card
and just had forgotten to send it. He bought a card which we both signed and
gave it to Linda. After that, we distanced ourselves from both of them.
I would have thought that the invitation
designating a church as the ceremony site would have been plenty of information
for you to have known not to dress like you were going to a night
Page Last Updated October 11, 2008