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One of my friends from college was getting married to her chosen one a few years back. They had to speed things up a little as her fiancé was from another country and although he had access to long term visas (due to his father being a diplomat) his visa would soon expire. Instead of waiting for his next visit, they decided to go forward with the wedding and have it all done in five weeks. Although I absolutely do understand the need to cut some corners due to the time aspect, there were a few things I did find somewhat tacky.

First of all, invitations were all by email. Not even personalized, mind you, MASS email. Furthermore, the couple decided to have a divided reception, with dinner for the close family and best man/MoH, and later to have most of their friends arrive for cakes and coffee and drinks. Which is understandable if you have a low budget, but can very easily smack of a gift-grabbing mentality. We have a close mutual friend, for instance, who was invited to the "coffee"-session. She did however decline as she would have to fork out for return plane-fare (she studied in England at the time) and not even be found good enough to receive dinner, but be cut off with a couple of dry scones. The bride openly told me she thought it inconsiderate not to show.

What really irritated me, however, was that the couple clearly expressed in the email that everyone that was not invited to dinner must take careful note of the time they were to arrive, so as not to disturb the dinner party! Could you have put it more clearly that we were considered a bunch of pariahs. At the end of the email their gift wishes were clearly on display, amongst others a plasma TV a surround DVD-system and iPods. Rather cheeky expecting these lavish gifts considering most of the guests were not even treated to a meal.

The church ceremony went smoothly, however. We arrived after the dinner was over to discover the wine that was served was bag-in-box that was poured into decanters. When the bride and groom were to toast her father shouted exitedly, "Let's open the Champagne!" - which was the cheapest brand of sparkling you can get. I don't mind drinking that as a guest, but this was the bride and groom's toast! Furthermore, a cousin of the bride played the cello (appallingly badly) after the toast. When everyone had suffered trough the scheduled piece, she had become so excited by the attention that she just kept going for 15 minutes more, ignoring the bride and groom completely.

Now, let me say I completely understand that one can be strapped for cash and have little time to arrange a wedding. But it's not a human right to have 90 people at your wedding and even expecting them to fork our several hundred dollars for a gift when this means you intend to serve them coffee, some cookies and rock-bottom wine (which ran out after two hours, may I add).

Did I ever receive a thank-you card? You guessed it. Tack-o-rama.            



A woman we know in our small town began dropping hints about her new boyfriend: how much fun he was, how much he cared about her, how much money he had, etc.  When we asked where he was from she mentioned a town about 40 miles away and said she had met him at a local bar when he was in on a business trip.  Pretty soon she was showing off a gorgeous (and huge) diamond ring.  We congratulated her and asked when they were planning on being married.  Her response:  just as soon as his wife dies!  She has cancer!


A few years ago, my husband and I were invited to a small wedding of his friend of 30 years. Firstly, my hubby is a notary and was able to clear the way, for the friend and his bride to-be, doing the legal work as far as old divorce paper work!  The wedding was small, simple and quite nice. Outside the church, the groom said, "We're having a little reception at a restaurant down the street, why don't you join us?"     We did go, the room wasn't quite ready, so everyone got drinks from the bar before being seated in the 'reception room'.....this is the TACKY PART!!!!     When the waitress came to take orders, the groom announced that everyone would be paying for their own meal!  Now mind you, if anyone should have had the meal paid for it would be my husband...who had done research etc. to clear the old divorce paperwork as a gesture of friendship.     TACKY RECEPTION $$$$ in Florida!



My 18 year old cousin got married about a year and a half ago, and it was, by far, the tackiest wedding I have ever been to.  He and his groomsmen wore tuxedos...with cowboy boots, string ties, and cowboy hats.  The hats were kept on during the wedding ceremony inside a Catholic church.  In addition, the ENTIRE reception was decorated in a western theme (we live in Ohio).  As if that wasn't bad enough, their DJ was instructed to play nothing but country music.  I'm not a country fan, but I can take a few songs; 4 hours of nothing but country music, however, made me want to cut my ears off.  It gets better though.  My cousin requested a little "bluegrass" music be played.  So their DJ decides to play "Dueling Banjos!"  At a wedding reception!!!  (If anybody doesn't understand why this is an issue, go watch the movie Deliverance.)  Then the bride, also 18, decides right after dinner to change from her bridal gown into too tight jeans and belly baring shirt.  It was the most miserable (but memorable) wedding I have ever attended.



I was recently a bridesmaid for a friend of mine. The bridesmaid dress she picked was lovely, although mine had a few glitches. Despite ordering it 4 months prior, I only received it a week and a half before the wedding and could not find anyone to alter it for me so I ended up fixing it myself. I must have done a pretty good job though, as one of the guests continually told me how pretty it was. After the ceremony, while waiting for our pictures to be taken I was visiting with the other bridesmaids when this same guest came up to me and again complimented my dress and then promptly asked, "Can I have it?" I thought at first she was joking, but she offered to pay me $10 for my dress (It originally cost $170). I was caught so off guard I said ok still thinking she must have been kidding. As the wedding wound down, I was saying good-bye to the bride when the guest came up to me and asked if she should follow me to my room so she could take the dress. I told her I had actually grown quite fond of the dress during the evening and decided to keep it. She seemed a bit surprised at this but quickly turned to the bridesmaid next to me and asked if she could have her dress. I have never encountered such odd behavior before. There are some strange people out there!



I was a bridesmaid in my soon to be SIL's wedding. Her sister decided to throw a "getting to know you" party for all the bridesmaids.

We promised an elegant evening of wine, cheese and nice conversation with the bridal party.

When we arrived at the house we were asked to take our shoes off. I know, I know, this is always a hot topic for many, but I personally think it's rude to ask people to take their shoes off when they are invited to a party. But we comply and leave our shoes by the front door.

We are all asked to be seated at the dining room table. It soon was evident that this was a cover for one of those makeup parties. We were all subjected to an hour long demonstration of all the "fabulous" products available. We were grilled on what we used for skincare and when we reluctantly revealed our routines we were all told that the products we were currently using were terrible and full of "fillers". This was a really hard core saleslady, for sure.

We all politely listened to her demonstration and we politely declined to wash our faces and try out the products she was selling. Most of us relented and used the products on our hands.

After the demonstration the consultant informed us that she would step into the next room and wait for us to come in with our orders. We all sort of looked at each other, knowing that no one wanted or could afford the expensive products. One by one we confessed that we weren't interested and the woman very sharply said, "I see" and hustled out of there, clearly annoyed that she had wasted her time.

When she left the host kept apologizing for the consultant being there. "I told her I didn't want to have her over for this and she just insisted."

What? She insisted to ambush a private party and you had NO control over letting her into your home? Sure, whatever.

Finally the host brings out the food and drinks. While walking around the table she suddenly stops and says, "why do I keep feeling grit under my feet? Who tracked in the dirt?" She continued to look around everyone's chair to see where it was coming from. When she found nothing she sort of shook her head like she knew someone was behind this be she was going to let it go.

Then the host continued to be rude. She made several comments about how "small town people" act a certain way. This comment didn't sit too well with several guests who had traveled two hours from a small town in order to attend this party.

When making bridesmaid decisions about makeup or accessories she acted like the rest of us were uncultured hill jacks because we hadn't planned on wearing pantyhose that day. Sorry but it was a summer wedding and we were wearing very open sandals. We never dreamed that it was vital to be wearing hose. But we relented and agreed that we were wrong and hose were definitely in order. And of course we'd all wear matching polish, etc., etc.

We all felt uncomfortable. None of us moved from our spots at the table, no one mingled or enjoyed themselves because we just didn't want to offend the hostess or mess up her house. It was a very awkward evening.



I recently attended a sorority sisters wedding and could not believe what she had planned.

Carol had been one of the girls in college that constantly discussed "at her wedding".   So when she announced her engagement we were all excited for her.  She kept us updated on her wedding plans with a blog (which I admit I never read).  She sent out her invites, which were very nice.  The date got closer and my fiancé and I got ready and drove almost two hours to the middle of nowhere Kansas for this wedding.  

We arrive at the church to discover it's a formal Baptist wedding, she has probably 250 people at it. The ceremony begins and she has eight bridesmaids, and everything goes beautifully.   I would have expected nothing else.   

As we are driving to the reception my fiancé asks me about the name of the location- its listed as a local utility company.  I said that I didn't know I had never been there, but knowing her I was sure it was gorgeous. 

We are two of the few firsts to arrive.  We walk into, what can only be- a meeting room.  This is obviously where the workers start their day off, or where presentations begin.  There are NO tables except a small sweetheart table for she and her hubby, and the only chairs were stacked against the wall.  She has two buffet tables set up with food to be served in a bit, and a small cake table and small table with two liters of cokes on it for people to fix themselves drinks.  She had ten two liters, that was it.  I see one of the bridesmaid's husbands and inquire what is going on to which he replies "Carol invited 300 people, we think 250 are going to be here but she only has enough food and drink for 100 so she is hoping people will stop by, see her, drop off presents and leave".  Excuse me? Did I hear that correctly?

With no place to sit, people start unstacking chairs and we decide to stand.  The room is not meant to hold this many people.  It's a summer wedding and suddenly the temperature jumps twenty degrees in the small meeting room.  We decide to leave abruptly.  We don't eat, we don't drink, we say hello as she enters.

I haven't spoken to her, and I didn't leave a present- I returned it.  If you want to invite 250-300 people to your wedding, fine!  But don't make the reception for 100.

And this was not a matter of money.  This was a trust fund girl.  Not too mention she bragged about her parents spent $40k on her sister's wedding years before and another $20k on her sister's SECOND wedding after the first went bust. 

My wedding is next year and I am still trying to decide whether or not to invite her.    



This story is a little different from the others on the site because it occurred some months after the wedding had taken place, but some brides just don't get better with time.

I have a cousin whose family I don't usually see outside of major holidays. A while back, she'd brought her boyfriend to Christmas dinner and everyone fell madly in love with the guy. He was nice, funny, polite, made sure he introduced himself to everyone (no small feat, as I have a huge Mediterranean family) and made interesting conversation. Fast forward to the next Christmas and my cousin and her boyfriend are now happily married. No big deal, people get married all the time. Thing is, everyone but my immediate family had not only been invited to the wedding but had also been told that a wedding was taking place! As near as I can guess, there had been some bad feelings between our fathers a few years back that only my family had forgotten about. Still, I wasn't at all miffed about not being invited - after all I only ever see her on major holidays and, quite frankly, we were never best buddies to begin with. 

No, the act that sealed her place in EHell happened that Christmas when she presented her father with a lovely photo album full of pictures from her wedding. Naturally, everybody crowded around to ooh and ahh. When I moved in for a peek at the wedding that I'd found out about not an hour ago, my dear cousin slammed the album shut in my face and snapped "you're not allowed!" I left the room for another glass of wine soon after. 

Ah, well. I suppose there's a happy outcome to this story: if I ever end up marrying, I've got one less person to worry about inviting to the wedding....



  My fiancé's friend has a very annoying girlfriend. The four of us were hanging out one night and she was all in my face wanting to know all about our wedding plans. She asked to see this folder I have with some research on vendors and stuff. She opens it up and sees a receipt for my engagement ring. She looks at me with this hideously disgusted look on her face, jaw dropped and everything, and says in this accusatory tone, "Isn't it BAD LUCK to keep the receipts??" And I just sat there sort of shocked, and said, "No..." She repeated herself again, all accusatory, "I hear it's BAD LUCK to keep receipts like this," in this tone that pretty much said I was intentionally damning my marriage. I explained to her I needed the receipts for the insurance company, otherwise they won't insure my jewelry, and changed the subject. Geez!


I found this on the internet. I don’t know who they are, but thought you’d like a chuckle.



A dear friend of mine got married a little over a year ago, and the whole affair was somewhat tacky from start to finish. I know she and her fiancé were attempting to hold this wedding on a budget, and they went the Wal-Mart route with the DIY invites. The bridal shower was beyond tacky. Over 50 women attended a shower, where we played a couple of games and then watched my friend open a couple truckloads of gifts. One of the games was a 50/50 raffle! Once the winner was announced, one of the flower girls was conscripted to ask the winner if she wanted to keep her winnings or donate it to the honeymoon fund! During the course of the shower, guests were handed an envelope and asked to write our addresses on them- you guessed it: we addressed our own thank-you cards! Which arrived 2 months later and were not even hand-written or personalized at all. 

The wedding and reception were held in the same hotel. In addition to the tables being squeezed too tightly together, it was a cash bar and there were nowhere near enough hors d'ouevres. When the wedding party was announced, the bride and groom entered, each carrying longneck bottles of beer, while in their wedding finery. At the cash bar, beer was dispensed into plastic cups (several guests felt as if they were at a frat kegger), and a beer run was even necessary! The wedding cake was a homemade deal (box mix) and the cake was visible through the skimpy frosting. When it came time to throw the bouquet and garter, the bride and groom actually went through the guests, yelling out the names of all the singles (how embarrassing!) and goading them into partaking in that charming piece of wedding culture. Thank you notes arrived in a timely manner, but were preprinted and impersonal. For several of us who attended this event, we are still talking about it and using it as a cautionary tale.    



A few years ago, I was invited to my cousin's wedding. Actually, she's a step-cousin as her father married in to my family via my aunt.   When I received the invitation, I should have known at that point that this wedding was going to be tacky. At the bottom they had included their registry information...which, even then, I knew to be a bit gauche.   After a 6 hour drive, I walk in the door, was handed a camera and TOLD that I would be the videographer for the wedding. They wanted me to film the ceremony as well as the reception. I also found out that they had assigned my mom to take pictures.   Not one to cause issue, I did as I was instructed. The ceremony was difficult to film because everyone was standing. They didn't provide chairs for anyone...not even the elderly grandparents...I certainly was not the only one who noticed the 90 year-olds shuffle and shift uncomfortably on their feet!   

Well, I filmed everything...even the taking of family photos; which, I must add, I was not asked to be in as apparently, I was only a vendor at that point. I think the only respite I got was a brief period where I was able to sit and eat. Thankfully!   Jump ahead a YEAR LATER and I get a Thank You card in the mail. A generic thank you that 1) doesn't mention the gift I gave her and 2) doesn't even thank me for being her videographer. That pissed me off beyond belief.   As I write this, I recall that I don't yet have her on my wedding guest list. I will make sure to invite her...but I refuse to return the favor and make her work. Unlike her, I would never do that to family...even "step" family.   



FIL and Step-MIL offered to give my Hubby and me a honeymoon as our wedding present instead of helping with the wedding as my parents and DH’s mom and step-dad did as their present to us. (Extremely generous of our parents and we were VERY grateful).  At the shower, Step-MIL gave me a card with a beautiful poem that she had typed on the computer and it read that we would receive a one week stay anywhere in the States.  She made me read it out loud, and of course everyone oohed and ahhed. 

Several months after the wedding (with no mention of the honeymoon since the shower) we received a call from a time share resort in Orlando, Florida,  trying to get us to come sit through one of those several hour long presentations and we would get to stay at this such and such resort.  I’m trying to get off the phone with this person and he then proceeds to tell me that “FIL and Step-MIL” have arranged this, I’m a little confused , but I get excited and whisper to DH that his Dad scheduled us a honeymoon!  It wasn’t what the poem read, but HEY!  Who Cares?!  The salesperson tells me all the luxuries we will experience on our 3 day, 2night stay and how… it will only cost us $200 or whatever dollars after we sit through this presentation… Turns out, FIL and Step-MIL stayed at this resort and got several hundred dollars off their stay for putting people on this call list.  They offered this chance to us for our honeymoon.  I’m all for the gesture, but who wants to sit through a TIMESHARE presentation on their honeymoon?  I really hope this doesn’t seem greedy as I really don’t care about not receiving a “free trip to anywhere in the country.”  I just found it tacky to make such a spectacle of this “wonderful gift” then, as it turns out, for DH and myself to go to this “resort” we didn’t choose and where we end up having to pay and sit through one of those God awful presentations, then, “as the gift-giver”, you end up saving on your vacation! 

Also, as a side note- they even put my MIL (his own ex-wife) on the call list, too!  She could have had a “FABULOUS STAY FOR SUCH A LOW-LOW PRICE” too!  Geez…



About 2 years ago, my boyfriend's step-mom calls and asks for our address (they're obviously not close), and then relays to us that his step-brother will be getting married in 3 weeks and she needs to send us an invite.  Three weeks?!  Why bother with mailing an  invitation?  Never mind the lack of planning and short notice, ends up this wedding is the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  What a hectic time for people!  As I wonder out loud to my boyfriend, "What is the hurry, they have been together for years and already have 2 kids together?", I figure oh well, she just decided she really wants to do it now and keep it short and sweet.  So we drive the hour and 45 minutes there for the wedding that lasted 20 minutes (with 15 people in attendance), then we drive another 25 minutes to the reception.  Now the reception was casual which is just fine, but are jeans, long sleeve T-shirts and bandannas ever appropriate??...but I digress.  We stay through dinner and had a couple drinks, then graciously explain we have a long drive back and must get going.  

About a year later I learn the answer to my "what is the hurry" question..."Friend of the Court" was coming after the groom for back child-support.  Seriously?!  We rushed around and had an exhausting weekend to keep him out of jail?  I am not one to sugar coat things so my boyfriend got an earful, all the while we were dumbfounded they actually had the audacity to do it.  Just plain tacky!



 This is about some odd wedding going on’s of my cousin’s oldest daughter.  While my family and my cousin’s family belong to the same Religion, they follow a much more conservative branch of this faith.  The woman wear very conservative clothing; muted colors, stockings, skirts below the knees, long sleeves, high neck lines, hair in a braid or bun, and no wearing of shorts, slacks or pants.  So it was something of a surprise when the MOB called my Mom to vent a few days before the wedding.  The MOB had made not only the bride’s dress but also the BM’s dresses.  She had finished the dresses and for the last fittings, everyone was pleased with the dresses but for MOB’s second daughter, who was a bridesmaid.  Apparently A threw a hissy fit and said that she couldn’t possibly wear this dress because it was too revealing and wasn’t modest enough for her.  MOB was very upset, the material was very expensive and hard to work with and she’d worked very hard to make these dresses nice and professional looking, and now she had to find some way of satisfying her daughter. 

Once we got to the wedding and saw the dresses, we couldn’t understand what the problem was.  The color, a bright pink, wasn’t that conservative, but the hem still came below the knees and it had long sleeves; the neckline wasn’t a particularly immodest sweetheart style.  It was the neckline of the dress that A was fussing about.  It took a close look and comparing A’s dress to the other BM’s dresses to see just what the difference was.  The MOB had managed to make the neckline just a bit smaller, which apparently satisfied A.    I would have told A that for the sake of her sister that she should have just sucked it up and to wear the dress her mother made her for her sister’s special day.  If she were to wear the dress again, she could wear a blouse or dickey under it.  It wasn’t as if the dress had spaghetti straps, was a halter-top or was off the shoulder, which by their standards would have really been immodest.   

Now it has always been my understanding that one side of the church is for relatives and friends of the bride and the other for the groom and the relatives sat at the front and friends behind them.  In the first pew, the parents and grandparents, siblings of the couple, and other relatives with the closer the relationship the closer to the front of the church.  Being that my Dad is an uncle to the FOB, we were in about the third pew.  In the pew ahead of us was a woman who none of us knew.  She wasn’t a member of the FOB’s side of the family, we would have known who she was.  And because she was dressed in the conservative style of the bride’s faith, she wasn’t a member of the MOB’s family who were Catholics.  She was very annoying, standing up to take pictures and preventing those behind her from getting any good shots without her in them.  She also wasn’t someone who was hired to take pictures; she was using a simple point and shoot camera.   

It was after the wedding that we found out what the deal was from the FOB.  When the minister of their church announced the wedding to the congregation, instead of saying something like, “I’d like to announce the marriage of our own K to P (a member of a different church, but of the same conservative faith) on thus and such date. Join with me in offering them our best wishes for a happy life together.”    Instead he apparently said something like “I’d like to announce the marriage of our K to P on this date, at this time, at this place, with the reception to follow at this place and time.  You’re all invited to attend and offer the couple your best wishes.”    Now this was news to the FOB, he was under the impression that the guest lists had already been made up and the invitations were sent.  In order to make sure that there would be enough food for everyone including the unofficially invited guests; he reluctantly put up a sign up sheet on the church’s bulletin board.  Several church members apparently signed up.  Which explained the lady we didn’t know who was sitting at the front of the church with the bride’s family.  Why she couldn’t have at least stayed at the back, I don’t know.   Apparently most of those who signed up had an attack of common sense and chose not to attend the reception.  However, their common sense didn’t extend to calling the FOB and telling him so that he could make adjustments to the amounts of food that was needed and save some money.  As it was, there was a good bit of food left over which they had to take home.  Although well off, it was an extra expense that the parents of the bride felt they shouldn’t have had to deal with.   


I feel a bit guilty sending my dear friend and her groom to E-Hell for this, as I’m sure it didn’t occur to them this was a faux-pas.  But a faux-pas it was, so here’s my submission:

My friend had a lovely wedding ceremony, with a reception later in the evening.  At the reception, I noticed that only about 1/3 of the guests – the wedding party and close relatives – had assigned seats around the head table.  Everyone else could just sit where they chose.  Well, no big deal.  The ballroom was small enough that nobody would have a bad seat.

Here’s where the faux-pas occurred: when it came time for toasts, only the ‘assigned seating’ tables were served champagne.  What did the other tables get?  Water!  Oh, we could get other drinks if we wanted to … at the cash bar.  (Even non-alcoholic beverages cost money.)  I don’t drink alcohol at all, so I didn’t miss it, but I was still bothered by the way the guests were divided up.  I know alcohol is expensive, but if you can’t afford to serve it to all the guests, then you really shouldn’t serve it to any of them.  We could have toasted with sparkling cider or some other less expensive option.

Also: they had a money dance.  (I declined to participate.)  The MOH came up to us afterwards, crowing about how much money they had collected.  I found the whole thing pretty gauche.



This situation was resolved long ago, but I thought many would be amused to hear the story.  First, a brief cast of characters: My DF, Annie (dear friend), Sean (her husband, also dear friend), Rita (Annie's friend and coworker to us all), Kathy (talented, artistic coworker). Last June, I had hosted a Roaring 20s party that delighted Annie and Sean, who were due to be married in Nebraska, come November.  They were concerned because most of our friends here could not afford to fly out for the wedding (grad students, adjunct faculty, etc), and Annie asked if it would be tacky, were she to host a reception here.  I offered to host it for her, and she was very pleased.  In August, Rita approached Annie, asking if she could host it, and Annie said that I had already planned, but that Rita could ask me if there was any way she could contribute.  I do not like discussing social matters at work, since it is rude to those who may not be invited to an event, so I was taken aback when Rita (very loudly) asked if she could be a part of things.  I fled the scene, shortly after saying, "I'm sure there are things that could be very helpful.  I'll be in touch."  Meanwhile, DF and I had moved to our new house, which was only 3 blocks away from Annie and Sean.  We'd been working on fixing up the house and the yard, and put together a beautiful harvest-themed menu and decor scheme that wasn't hokey or tacky, but also wasn't expensive.  Mind, DF was a sous pastry chef at a fairly major place, and I've been cooking and taking classes since I was 10.  Our gift to Annie and Steve was our cooking, planning, and party hosting. 

Here's where the fun begins:

1.  Rita was very upset that the food would all be homemade, and said that she didn't have the money to contribute.  I told her that wasn't an issue, since she wasn't paying for the food.  She insisted that she would have to, since she was co-hosting.  I reminded her that DF and I were the co-hosts, as we had discussed her assisting in some matters.  She insisted that Annie had told her she was the co-host, which Annie never would have dreamed of doing.  And that she wanted to order frozen lasagna from Schwann's, to replace DF's and my cooking.  "No."  She didn't like that, argued about why she was right and we were wrong, and I said the conversation was over, and the answer was still "No," and that I was still co-hosting with DF, not with her.  She was also upset that we were having it at our house, and not in her tiny, cramped apartment with her v. sick dog (chemo for cancer -- no bowel control -- Rita's not the best housekeeper, either -- imagine the smell?!??!!?).

2.  She then decides that she needs to get to work on the guest-list, which surely would have involved all of her friends, and none of Sean's.  I said that DF and I had already set a limit (50), and that we were leaving the guest list to Annie and Sean.  Her eyes bugged out, and she said, "I can't afford 50!"  I reminded her, once again, that finances were not her concern, since she was not co-hosting.  She also wanted us to change the date from the one that worked for Annie, Sean, DF, and me, because she wanted to go to another party that night.  

3.  Annie and Sean return their guest list to me, and I get to work designing very simple, clean invitations with RSVP cards, addressing the invites, and getting ready to send them.  Rita emails to inform me that Kathy will be designing the invites, and sending them for us.  "She does these beautiful homemade invitations!  I saw the ones for ____'s baby shower last year, and decided that she just HAD to do the invites for our party!" I contacted poor Kathy immediately, and said that I knew she did beautiful work, and that I wasn't trying to offend her, but that it was much easier for me not to outsource things, that everything was already done, thank you thank you thank you, and I can't wait to see you at the reception.  Kathy's response: "What?  I never agreed to do the invites!!!  She never spoke to me! "Turns out, Kathy HATES doing invitations, because they are so time-consuming, and certainly could not have handmade 50 invites on such short notice, given her split duties as a teaching assistant and as a graduate student.  She was very upset with Rita, and did contact her to let her know that that was the frozen limit. The emails I received from Rita were nuts.  How dare I "divorce" her as co-host, and make plans without consulting her?  Do I not know what a good "friend" she is to me?  So on, and so forth.  I burst out laughing, and replied to the last of them, simply with the following: "Whatever your problem is, get over yourself.  You never were co-host, and this behavior is ridiculous.  Of course, you are Annie and Sean's guest for that evening, and I hope you are able to come and enjoy yourself.  In the meantime, do not write me again."  That pretty much ended it, although she behaved poorly at the reception.  She stayed long enough to eat a few plates of food, and then tried to break up the party and get everyone to go with her to a different party.  Additionally, she loudly declared that Annie's bachelorette party plans were "wrong," and that she was asking for trouble and misery (note: Annie and Sean simply didn't want separate parties, since they have many mutual friends back in NE, whom they don't get to see very often). We were all quite relieved when she finally moved on to the other party. The word "no" is just ... so lovely.  May not get you everything you want, but most of what you need.



My DH and I were married in a beautiful winter wedding three years ago. There were the usual misunderstandings and irritations (e.g., my father using the family grape vine to inform me that he was hurt that I was going to walk down the aisle alone and my FMIL's constant pouting and negative comments about every decision we made) but over all it was smooth sailing and nothing like the stressful, miserable experience I anticipated after hearing other people's stories.

I glided down the aisle on my father's arm (one disaster averted!) stood by my husband to be, smiled at our family in the first row, and choked as I saw what my FMIL is wearing. Not only was she dressed in black from head to toe, but my very short, very stout FMIL was wearing a skin-tight, sheer (as in completely see-through) mesh shirt with a black satin bra that didn't quite contain her rather bounteous breasts.

This from the woman who made snarky comments about our "unsophisticated" friends, flowers, and wedding registry. To this day every time she starts in on us and our friends for our lack of "sophistication" (yep, those professors of opera are just crass, unworldly people) I just think of that outfit and start giggling.


Page Last Updated October 11, 2008