BRIDESMAIDS AND BEASTMEN
The "tortured" and the "torturees"
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Short but sweet: Gina, one of my bridesmaids, was a terrible mess in the
lead-up to the wedding. She hid the fact that she had broken up with her
live-in boyfriend so that we would issue him an invitation and she could still
bring him to the wedding and reception as her date, knowing that we were
incredibly cash-strapped and had been in the unenviable position of being
asked “can I bring a date?” more times than we cared to be. In the
meantime, she called every few days to cry about how difficult her
relationship was, and that she and Nate were now on, now off, over and over.
What I am really upset about, however, is that she hijacked my photographer
at the reception (at a golf club), took him out on the green and proceeded to
have a stack of portrait photo’s of her and Nate taken, at our expense!
The photographer was meant to be mingling at the reception and taking
photographs of our friends and family, so that we had photos of everyone
there, but instead, he sent us a few photos of the bridal table, one of the
father of the bride giving a speech, and the rest of Gina and Nate all over
each other on the green! Now we have only the photos that guests managed
to take with their own cameras, and Gina, who broke up with Nate two days
after the wedding, wants us to send her their photos since we wouldn’t be
too interested in them anyway!
My story is one of a wonderful bridesmaid. Actually she was my Matron of
Honor and my former college roommate. I was getting married in December
in a large church with many, many guests. As my maids and I were getting
dressed we noticed that it was getting hotter and hotter and hotter in the
room. Finally with sweat dripping down our backs we left the bridal
dressing room to check on the sanctuary. It was hot in there too.
Quite a feat considering the sanctuary had a dome ceiling and was all of
three stories high. Concerned that my guests would suffer heat stroke,
not to mention the wedding party we decided that the heat MUST be turned down.
I was getting a bit frazzled considering that I was wearing what seemed to be
miles of lace and satin and went back to the dressing room while my MOH went
to find the custodian. She found him in a broom closet / office with his
feet up on the desk watching TV. She explained that the heat was too
high. He denied the problem. She explained that the bride was
sweating and the candles were getting soft. Again, he says it's not too
hot. She changes tactics from "Gee don't you think it's a bit
warmish" to "It's too blasted hot, turn the heat down now."
He says that he can't turn the heat down. When asked why he says that he
just turned it up and it's at the approved setting. She tells him that
if he turned it up then he just needs to repeat that procedure in reverse in
order to turn it down. He again says that the heat is fine. At
that point MOH lost it. She rose up to her considerable height of nearly
6 feet, glared down into his face and said "I am giving you 5 seconds to
turn the heat down before I come down on you like an act of God!!"
Custodian jumped to his feet and miraculously found the ability to turn the
heat down. She was a GREAT matron of honor!!
I have a total of four girls in my wedding. Three of them have full time
jobs plus side jobs (one even going to school and lives out of state) The
fourth one, we’ll call her “A”, works part time so you’d think out of
all of them, she would have the least amount of problems making plans to go
dress shopping. Well that is what I assumed and boy was I wrong.
Around August I sent out an e-mail to my bridesmaids asking them what
weekend would be good for them to go dress shopping. I suggested the weekend
of my birthday as my fiancé was having a party for me and my out of state
bridesmaid would be in town. Everyone thought that was great, everyone except
A that is. She complained about how she is working so much (the most she works
is 30 hours a week) and that she doesn’t know if she could switch with
someone take a day off because she was thinking about possibly going to an
amusement park one weekend. Let me say that in no way would I ask any of my
bridesmaids to ditch work for me. Like my other three bridesmaids, I work two
jobs so I understand. However, she did not have to work that day until later.
We were going early in the afternoon and it is on her way to work. After much
complaining, she finally agreed.
Well, almost two months later it is my birthday – the day before we are
supposed to go shopping. I get an e-mail (not even a call on my birthday!)
from A saying that she can’t possibly go shopping because she was so sick. I
had a feeling something like this would happen. This was supposed to be the
day we picked their dress, time was running out – she knew this. So I wrote
back letting her know that I would send her all the info. She then wrote back
that she like the dress we had already decided on. This came as a surprise to
me and the three other girls seeing as how we never decided on a dress.
I was mad but it didn’t ruin the day. My other bridesmaids and I had a
great time, and they picked out a wonderful dress. The only problem was the
store would not order the girls’ dresses until A came in and did her
measurements. I e-mailed A, who seemed to be on the computer a lot lately for
someone who was so busy, and now “so sick”, telling her what dress and
when she needed to be measured by – she had a little less than a month.
Despite my anger, I was very polite. She did not reply.
A couple of days later I found out that she went to a concert on the same
exact day she e-mailed me with her sob story. My anger was growing. I sent her
a nonchalant e-mail asking how the concert was. She wrote back
enthusiastically about how great it was and nothing was going to make her miss
it. Through further conversation, I found out that she would be going to look
at condos with her boyfriend the next day. Still she was too sick to get
measured but by this point she had changed her story from being so sick to
having mono. A week later, I find out she is on vacation.
The month she had had almost come and gone and I had not heard anything so
I decided to call her cell phone. (I had not previously called her because I
figured that she was an adult and didn’t need to be reminded) The phone
rings twice then goes to voicemail. That’s right, she wouldn’t even answer
her phone. So I left a message asking if she had gone and to let me know. The
day of her deadline, I get an e-mail saying she would go the next week. I
immediately picked up the phone and called her. Voicemail again. I leave a
message saying that I am concerned about her e-mail because the dress needed
to be ordered by that day. To my surprise, she called me back a few minutes
later. She tried to give me more excuses – that she couldn’t go that day
because she had work. (Again the store is right on her way and getting
measured takes about two minutes tops) She said she would maybe be able to
make it the next day before work. That was it. It was time for me to really
stand my ground. I told her that she had to go by the next day or the other
girls’ dresses would be ordered. They had been measured and paid for their
dresses and it wasn’t fair to them. She said she would try.
The next day was a Saturday so I did not have to work. At about ten I get a
text from A saying she went for her fitting. Finally! A couple of hours later,
I am on the computer and who should come online but A. How funny considering
she made such a stink about maybe being able to go for her fitting before
work. She must have gone to the store (which is closer to her work than her
house) then back home to go all the way back to work again later in the day!
The sad thing about this story is that it’s just one in many recent
events including my oldest friend. She is getting married soon and I hope that
nobody puts her through the stress she put me through.
My husband has two brothers. He has always been closer to his younger brother,
so when we got engaged, it was understood that his younger brother would be
his best man. He turned out to be the best man from hell. He and
his girlfriend were late to the rehearsal, and then proceeded to get drunk and
practically have sex on the table at our rehearsal dinner. (They were sitting
across the table from his mom and our priest, to boot.) At the wedding itself,
he was late and then showed up drunk...for good measure, he had also popped at
least one Xanax. He hadn't shaved, either. His mother made him go home to
shave after the pre-wedding pictures, so he looks pretty scruffy in the
pictures of just the men. The wedding went off without a hitch. In the
pictures of the wedding party afterward, he is making stupid faces in almost
all of them. (Real mature, right? He was 29 at the time.) The faces got worse
after we took a family picture of my husband's side of the family and he attempted to get his girlfriend--whom
he'd been seeing for about a month--into the pictures. Fortunately, my older
brother-in-law said, "I think it's just family," and he then made
dumber faces than ever.
Neither he nor his girlfriend ever showed
up at our reception. We found out later that apparently they went back to
their apartment and he passed out for the rest of the evening. We didn't speak
to either of them for a month. It's been almost two years, and he has yet to
offer any sincere apology to my husband or any apology at all to me.
About 20 years ago, I was a bridesmaid in my then-boyfriend's sister's
wedding. The future bride was a lovely person. Her best friend was
the MOH, and the future groom's two sisters were the other bridesmaids.
One of the FG's sisters, I'll call her "Alice", was very artsy and a
little flaky, but seemed nice. The bride to be chose floor length
bridesmaid dresses which looked nice on everyone. She told us that she
didn't care what kind of shoes we wore, as long as they were dyed to match the
dress and had a closed toe. At that time, you could go into almost any
shoe store and buy inexpensive white satin shoes that could be dyed to match
anything. So, that is what we all did - or so I thought!
The bride asked all the bridesmaids to come to her house a few hours before
the ceremony to get ready. She also offered to arrange (and pay) for her
hairdresser to do our hair, if we wanted. I believe we all took her up on
her offer, except (you guessed it) Alice. Alice showed up at the bride's
home 1/2 hour before the limo was supposed to pick us up for the ride to the
church. She was wearing a t-shirt and jeans, and her long, straggly hair
was wet because she had just gotten out of the shower. When the bride
(understandably a little upset) asked Alice what she was planning to do with
her hair, she said, "Nothing, I'm just going to wear it down."
The mother of the bride did convince Alice to at least blow-dry her hair, but
it looked terrible anyway.
The best part was when she got dressed and joined the rest of us as the
limo was pulling up in front of the house. She said to her sister,
"I think my shoes are chipping." She had taken an old pair of
white leather shoes and PAINTED them the same color as her dress.
Unfortunately, the paint didn't adhere well to the leather and by the time we
walked down the aisle her shoes looked like they had leprosy! If the
bride's mother had had a gun, I think Alice would have been dead!
I'm not even married yet, and already one of my attendants has made me
seriously regret my decision. Unfortunately, the attendant in question is my
matron of honor, as well as my older sister. I knew she was going to be
problematic from the start, as she has a history of melodrama and being very
self-absorbed, but for some reason I thought she could just pause for a few
months and be happy for me. Silly me. It started the night I got engaged. I
knew the night it was going to happen, so when I called my parents with the
announcement, they invited my fiancé and I over for a quick glass of
champagne. When we arrived, my sister and her husband were there. She promptly
announced that my ring (which is absolutely perfect for me) looked too cheap,
and that the diamonds in it probably weren't real. She had heard
"somewhere" that jewelers were selling fake diamonds now just to
make money, which was probably why mine were so dull.
When I went to try on
wedding dresses, she declined my invitation to come along, even though I
rescheduled twice for her as she had previously said if we could to it such
and such night, she could come. Finally, I just went with my mom, and we found
the perfect dress. When I showed her a picture of it online, she announced
that it was a tacky dress, and my wedding was going to be the "dullest
event of the century".
The final straw, however, came the night I asked
her if she wanted to see the dress I had selected for her. The picture was
online, and as she doesn't have an email address and I don't have a printer,
it seemed easiest to just look at it at our parent's house, which we both were
that night. Her response was that it didn't matter what her dress looked like,
as the wedding wasn't that important anyway. My mom is insisting that she not
be kicking out of the wedding entirely, but I asked my best friend to be my
maid of honor, and I've stopped talking to my sister about the wedding. I shouldn't have been surprised by her attitude, but her
incredibly hurtful actions have seriously damaged whatever was left of our
I specifically didn't give my evil twin sister the title of "maid of
honor" because of what a self-centered Barbie she is all the time. I have
the perfect example for you. The example is my "wedding present."
First of all, for her wedding I hand-picked a complete set of twelve
Victorian, antique teacups and saucers because she loves having tea with her
girlfriends. She loved them! Great! For my wedding? A hand-picked ceramic
vase from the red sticker bin at Wal-Mart. How do I know? Oh, she left the
price tag on!!!!!!!!
I never mentioned the sticker. Instead I wrote her a gushy thank-you note
about how much it meant to me.
Afterwards she said she wanted to take me out for a "special day for
me" in Chicago. She said she would drive us into the city, we could go to
some great stores and she would buy me a little something from one of her
favorite boutiques. She then said we would also get manicures.
Right. The day of the trip, she "surprises" me by revealing it
will cost $120 to ride the commuter train into Chicago. Yes, I would buy my
own ticket. We went to her favorite shops all right. She spent about $400 on
herself that day and didn't even buy me lunch. No manicures.
I suppose I should have crowned her Maid of Horror. Maybe she was just
really gunning for that title.
I was engaged to my fiancé (now husband) for many years because we wanted to get our house in order
before our marriage. In between this time, I (my choice) stopped contact with
my three closest friends for their very selfish ways. I decided to ask two of
my co workers whom I've grown really fond of to stand up for me during my
wedding as bridesmaids. I work closely with these two and during 2 years we've
spent a great deal of time together during work and during weekends! The first
I'll call Carol, a very outspoken and generous woman almost 10 years my senior
and the 'mother hen' of our trio. The second, I'll call Tasha is
only about 5 years older and who I dub 'the saint' because of her
church affiliation. Now Carol and Tasha was all gun ho when I originally asked
them to be my bridesmaids. I even went as far as to take them, plus my sister
(MOH) out to the local chain store so they can pick out whatever dress they
liked, my only stipulation was the color. I didn't care about the make and
they could each pick out different dresses as they are all differently shaped.
I asked them repeatedly that they pick inexpensive dresses as none of us are
that well off. They picked out lovely dresses, shoes and accessories that same
day, and as a treat I took them all out to a great restaurant for an afternoon
of drinks and fun.
Fast forward two months later; I get a phone call on a Sunday
from Tasha being very vague and giving me various halfcocked reasons why she
now cannot be in my wedding. All surrounding a mysterious illness that
had befallen an equally mysterious brother. Mind you we all work together (in
the same dept.) take lunch together & go out together. Could she have said
something to me in person? Sure, but where's the fun in that? Bonus! When I
called to see if she could get a refund on her dress, I was informed that she
had already picked up her dress (did not hear one peep from her about this).
OK, fine. I'm starting to get the hint that she wants nothing to do with my
wedding. It's been brought to my attention that maybe she is jealous because
in all her life she's never had the offer of marriage or even came close to it
as she is still waiting on her knight in shining armor. Since then, she's been
distant to the point of being nasty. No more coffees, lunches, shopping joints
or anything. She can't make eye-contact and was starting to become nasty to
Carol, who throughout this whole thing was nothing but spectacular and in fact
is now a dear friend and is very close to my heart.
Tasha never returned her
RSVP to the wedding, again she works within 15 feet from me! I took the
high road and walked over to her cubicle to ask her if she & her guest
would be coming and I got her signature laugh with a 'yes'. The week before,
Carol called her to wish her a happy birthday only to find out that she was
more than 5 states away and would not be returning until a week later. A full
2 days after the wedding. needless to say, that was the last straw and her
name is permanently on my list (you know the list of ehellions that no matter
what the apology, they have a scarlet E on their foreheads that mark them as
Now its a few months later, we still don't talk and while I'm not
fanning the office gossip flames, it still irks me whenever someone asks me
upon seeing a group photo, "Oh, I thought Tasha was supposed to be in your
wedding." I have to grin and say, "Yes, she was..." and leave it
like that. It may not seem like a lot to many, but for those who had to deal
with the many stressful issues (like your MIL breaking BOTH ankles during your
reception while stepping off a curb.. who does that??? I'm
sure she did it just to annoy you. or while stepping out
of the limo, your beautiful white gown gets caught in the limos undercarriage
and getting a HUGE black soot stain along the front OR when not one or two or
three but a total of 8 young females choose your wedding to test their liquor
limits and starts hitting on married members of your family (husband included)
or... I can go on, but every wedding has its issues, lol.) surrounding a
wedding this I did not need and would like to boot this BM from hell right on
into hell. And no amount of her 'churchain' (a phrase made up especially for
those church members who feel that just because they go to church, that gives
them leave to act like a heathen outside of church every day of their lives)
prayers can save her!
This is the story of my best friend's wedding and her awful MOH (Maid of
HORROR). Let me preface this by saying that I was very disappointed that I was
not chosen to be the Maid of Honor. The bride had been my best friend since
fifth grade (and still is), and the MOH is someone she knew since she was
little, but with whom she had not been close until the past year (only because
the bride moved to the same area where the MOH already lived). I understand
that family politics played a part in the selection of this nasty woman for
The other bridesmaids (besides me) were: A girl I had known since
kindergarten who was also good friends with the bride, plus another girl with
whom we had all gone to high school, plus the groom's little sister, who was
nineteen or twenty at the time. The first event that gave us an indication
that there would be problems was the discussion of the bachelorette party. The
MOH suggested that we all go to New York for the weekend, have a nice dinner
and see a show, then drive to the New Jersey shore for the rest of the
weekend. I wrote back (this was all going on a thread of group e-mails) that
the bride had told me personally that she just wanted to go barhopping in DC
with all of us, plus a few other close friends, and that DC would be a lot
more affordable than New York. The MOH responded that she thought it would be
best if we did something totally alcohol-free, and that THAT was what the
bride really wanted. (I checked later - it wasn't.) It eventually came to
light that the MOH had the opinion that the bride had a drinking problem and
didn't want to "enable" her. The rest of us said, "Fine,
that's your opinion, even though none of the rest of us think this to be the
case." We also pointed out that if there was indeed a problem, the period
right before the wedding was NOT the ideal time to address it!
Fast forward a
few weeks to the bridal shower. The MOH planned the entire thing, asking us
for no input other than money. It was a WINE and cheese-themed shower. So much
for avoiding activities that centered around alcohol! The bridesmaids also
used this occasion to reinforce the fact that none of us had a lot of money,
so a bachelorette party in DC was much more within our means, especially after
the MOH demanded so much money from us to help pay for the shower (without
asking anyone in advance what kind of contributions they could manage.) We
ended up having the bachelorette party in DC, graciously hosted (at first) by
the MOH at her apartment. The first part of the evening was dinner at the
Melting Pot (a fondue restaurant). The way our dinner was working was that we
all paired up and ordered two-person dinners. I paired up with the sister of
the groom, and we ordered the cheapest things we could, especially since we
knew we were chipping in to pay for the bride's dinner. However, the MOH,
bride, and one of the other bridesmaids went through FOUR BOTTLES OF WINE over
the course of dinner. (Again with the alcohol!) I didn't have any because I
didn't want to pay for it (and also because I'm a lightweight), and my dinner
buddy was underage, so she didn't have any either. Of course, at the end of
the dinner, the MOH wanted us (except for the bride) to split the bill
equally. Needless to say, I politely but firmly refused.
After dinner, we went
back to the MOH's apartment for a "Slumber Party" (which is like a
Tupperware party, but with.. ahem... accessories for couples). We all chipped
in to buy the bride a basket of massage oils, some naughty underwear, etc.,
and that was fine. The next plan was to go out to a few clubs in DC (the
choices were limited to places that were eighteen-and-above because of the
groom's sister, but no big deal). We all piled into the MOH's car and drove
into downtown DC, where we were dropped off at the curb and informed that the
MOH would not be coming with us because she didn't want to be around the bride
when she (the bride) was drinking. We were all a little put off, but decided
to say "screw it" and proceeded to get sloshed. We ended up at
someone's house for late night (it was a friend of one of the bridesmaids) and
crashed there. I honestly don't know when or if anyone called the MOH to let
her know what was going on. I kind of remember her picking us up at some
point. We had a blast, though.
Fast forward again to the wedding. We all showed
up on time to the rehearsal, everything went smoothly. At the rehearsal
dinner, the MOH was the first one at the bar and had a drink in her hand the
entire night, but happened to say to one of the bridesmaids that, since none
of us thought the bride had a drinking problem, we obviously weren't very good
friends. She made several other snotty comments throughout the course of the
evening. It became evident to the rest of us that the MOH didn't classify wine
and martinis as "drinking", even when done to excess. (Apparently
you can only have a "drinking problem" if you're drinking cheap beer
or rail drinks in a noisy club.) By the end of the night, however, she figured
out that none of us wanted to be around her, and excused herself from the
sleepover the bride and bridesmaids were having that evening.
The Big Day went
very smoothly, with the church looking gorgeous and everything going as
planned. The reception was great and went late into the night. The next day,
the families of the bride and groom had arranged a brunch riverboat cruise for
all of us. The MOH was not present, and the bride hinted that she was so upset
with her that she must have "forgotten" to invite her. Oops! To the
best of my knowledge, the bride has not spoken to the MOH since the wedding.
And when I got engaged, I didn't hesitate to ask her (the former bride) to be
my Maid of Honor. It's what best friends do.
My sister is six years older than me and has been married for years now. I was
recently married in an old-growth Redwood park in Washington State. Our
wedding was amazing, but Sissy had misgivings about EVERYTHING and didn't
hesitate to rebel!
It was a small wedding - 20 people. Sissy said, "Aren't you bothered
you wont get many presents?" See, she got $300 from EACH guest at her
wedding. That's what makes Sissy happiest! My present to her at her
wedding - hand-picked antique Japanese tea ware, which she has a penchant for.
My gift from her - Picture frame with the bargain sticker still attached.
Our wedding had a 1800s-era theme - my husband and I met through the
Historical Society and all our friends are part of the Society as well. My
dress was a beautiful, plain blue 1800s gown and my husband wore an incredible Union
Soldier uniform. All his groomsmen dressed similarly. My bridesmaids (well,
all but one!) wore beautiful, plain gowns like mine in gorgeous 1800s patterns
of black/white pinstripe, burgundy and light pink. Sissy wore a silk ball gown
skirt and a sparkly tank top from the mall. WHY?? Because what she wants, she
gets, and she through a flipping FIT when I said I wanted her to get a dress
like the other girls. Sissy's a true narcissist and has, in the past, been
violent when she doesn't get what she wants.
I asked her to do her hair in a lovely 1800s updo. She would have looked so
beautiful. She agreed and I sent her a picture and she said it was all set.
Yeah. On the day of? She showed up with her hair in a sort of messy knot that
she wears every day regardless. In my wedding pictures she is the only person
NOT smiling, NOT wearing appropriate formal wear OR makeup, and with her hair
messy. My husband said I should crop her out of the pictures. Good thing she
was standing on the end of the row.
Oh yeah. She also refused to stay at the hotel (when at her wedding, Guess
Who was forced to spend $300 on a hotel), refused to come to the bachelorette
party (which I threw for myself as a girl's night at my place since my sister
didn't set one up for me), and refused to come to the hotel early on the day
of the wedding to get dressed with all us girls because, as she said, it would
be "a waste of her time."
Fabulous sister. Actually, forget that - I wouldn't even be friends with
this person if she wasn't related to me. And she wonders why I don't call
anymore. Why would I bother explaining? She obviously has no clue, or if she
does, doesn't want to admit to the consequences of her selfishness. I'd rather
enjoy my happy marriage to a wonderful man than spend time and energy on this
relationship with her.
Page Last Updated October 11, 2008