you Notes from Hell
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I am 20, and have always written thank you notes. My
parents had a rule when I was a kid that if I received a gift or money, I was
not allowed to used it until the note was written and in the mail. That
said, I'm a stickler for thank you notes.
I went to a wedding when I was 17 for the youth pastor of my
church. It was a smaller wedding, mostly family and close friends of the
bride and groom. I was one of two students to be invited from the youth
group (the other being a very good friend of mine who was around my age, also in
high school), so I was very touched and honored that I was invited. The
two of us went in on a present together, about $30 each. I know it's not a
lot, but we were high school kids, so for us, it was. (If you want to use
the standard of buying a gift the same price as a plate at the reception dinner,
I would say we overpaid, but that's another story...) The gift was
heartfelt, and we both attached personal notes to both the bride and groom.
(We got them two board games, some kitchen things and a gift card to Target, all
on their registry.)
After the wedding (which was in August), I went to college out
of state, and the groom began seminary nearby, so we lost a little
contact--maybe a monthly e-mail or so. While home from school over Thanksgiving
break, I was going through my mail that had come to the house, expecting to find
a thank you. No such luck. Again at Christmas, there was nothing.
I met up with the friend I went to the wedding with for coffee, she had never
received a thank you either, though was far less concerned about it. Then
she said the words that almost made me sick on the spot: "I mean, he did
send us that e-mail thanking us for coming to the wedding and saying that we
should come over and play Scrabble." THAT was my thank you note?
A casual e-mail? Sent to the both of us at once? When I got home, I
re-opened the e-mail. Reading it again, I knew that was it. I still
have it, as I still can't believe it.
"Hey guys! What's up? Thanks for coming
to the wedding. It was great to see you two again. Sorry we didn't
really get to talk or anything, sort of busy. You guys should come over
to our apartment some time and play scrabble [sic] sometime! Have a good
one. (Groom's name)"
Nothing more, nothing less. Maybe they thought we wouldn't
expect a formal thank you card because we were young, that an e-mail would
suffice. I don't know if other, older guests got cards in the mail or not.
Maybe it was because we were the groom's guests and he just didn't know better
(though I highly doubt that) or didn't think it was his responsibility.
Maybe they ran out of stamps and couldn't find any they liked at the post
office. I don't know, whatever the reason was, it was completely
inappropriate to not send a card. Three years later, I still haven't
received a real thank you. (Nor did he ever respond to my acceptance of a
I recently helped a friend of mine plan her 10th
Anniversary vow renewal. I made centerpieces, favors and various décor
for her. I also lined up a DJ, caterer and photographer for her. I
did these things simply b/c she is a friend of mine. The day of the
service arrives and b/c I’m the contact person for all of the vendors I end
being her personal slave. The ceremony was at this nasty, old, gross motel
on the beach and most of the guests stayed there. The morning of the
ceremony nobody is making any effort to set things up so I get a couple friends
together and we do it. We spent all morning and afternoon working on
getting things set up perfectly while the happy couple and their families
lounged on the beach. Some even had the nerve to comment on how hard we
were working but none offered to pitch in and help.
The event went off perfectly and then time came for clean up.
Of course the same people who set up were expected to also clean up while the
family sat at a table drinking. We were tired, hot and annoyed by the time
we finished. And then she had the nerve to criticize the way things got
cleaned up. At that point I decided I was done and left. We went to
a nice, clean hotel a couple miles down the road b/c we were too tired to drive
the 1 ½ hrs home.
Fast forward 2 months and I get the tackiest Thank You note
ever. It was obviously made on her computer with a generic printed message
in it. Inside the card was a photo from the event that was printed and I
know for a fact that it was a copyrighted image that she stole from the
photographer’s website. I found out that there was a disagreement
between her and the photographer b/c she couldn’t understand why didn’t own
the images to her event. And she wasn’t happy that when she tried to
print the images off on her own a watermark showed up. The photographer is
protecting her material and copyright. To top it all off she not only used
pre-printed labels on the envelope but also didn’t even bother to sign the
For all of the hard work I did and the expenses I incurred to
make her day perfect she could have at least taken the time to handwrite a note.
This is my bad, for which I'm willing to put myself out there
in hopes that maybe some of the people who may have been offended by my lack of
actions will read it, and be understanding!
I had the difficult task of planning a wedding while in
full treatment for cancer. Chemo does not give you memory boosters, and
instead will kill your memory. I had a beautiful wedding, with many
generous family and friends giving gifts and cards. I did get some cards
out, but not all of them. I still feel bad about this, it's been almost 3
years from the wedding. If you read this, and know you attended my wedding
and didn't receive thank you, I'm very sorry and really did appreciate the
gifts! After a year of trying this, I finally gave up. Not to
mention that over that time, cards, lists, and addresses were misplaced.
I've sworn after this, that I will never put it off, and force
my dear husband to participate. We will only have a baby shower next, and
guaranteed that all will receive thank you notes within 2 weeks.
I recently visited my dad, and I happened to notice an
interesting photo card in his workshop. When I pointed it out, he shook
his head, laughed and held it out to me. It turned out to be a thank-you
card for a wedding gift. On one side was a picture of the happy couple in
wedding attire while the other side had a message that read something like
Thank you for being there for Jack and Jill’s special
day. It meant a lot to us. Thank you for the____________.
Jack and Jill
In the blank space it had been handwritten “Money”.
My dad’s name never appeared, nor did the couple sign the card.
I guess they printed out a slew of these, identified a present for
each one, and just mailed them out. I was pretty taken aback but my dad
says that they were young and “country” and probably didn’t know and at
least they sent a card...a card worth keeping.
When my second husband and I were married, it was a small City
Hall wedding with a reception at our house, so we sent out announcements rather
than inviting tons of people. In response to one of our announcements, we
got the following note:
I wish you all the happiness in the world. My
husband died the day of your wedding, but I'm sure he would have joined me in
wishing you all the best. Love, Jane Smith
Um, thank you?
This is not so much tacky as it is sad.
Apparently the decedent and his widow had enough of a relationship with the
bride and groom to be sent a wedding announcement but not close enough that the
bride and groom knew of his death except by note from the widow. What was
a widow to do?
Made a beautiful handmade quilt (approx. $500 value) for the
bride and groom, shipped UPS, had to call to make sure it got there. About 1
year after wedding, here comes a preprinted with photo, generic thank you note,
not even signed!! And of course it did not mention what the gift was.
When they had a baby, we sent a gift, same results....They're family, so we love
them, but they are definitely etiquette challenged.
I was maid of honor for my best friend at the time of her
wedding, we had two other attendants, one was matron of honor and the other was
just a bridesmaid. All of us were excited, we planned a very nice bridal
shower, all of about 15 were in attendance. The matron of honor was
pregnant at the time, she made a deal with the bride that she would write the
thank you notes in return for some diapers, but the only ones she wouldn't write
were the ones to the ones who threw the party, her in-laws and her relatives,
the bride agreed. The shower came and went, a week later the 7 thank you
notes were given to the bride to put a stamp on and mail out. It took her
a month to do this, and the rest of us still have not gotten any form of a thank
you note to this day, the shower was in august 2007.
Another faux pas with the same bride occurred with her family,
again all of bridesmaids and our parents attended the family shower by request
of the bride, she didn't want to go to this alone. We all went had some
fun, watched her unwrap 100 different little things needed for a house, that
were individually wrapped, very annoying. Now we bought another gift,
drove 45 min. to this shower and then comes the killer of the entire shower.
Her aunt decides to announce that there are Thank you notes in a glass bowl,
would everyone please put your address on the envelope and that they were taking
up a collection for the postage. Most of the work was done for the thank
you notes at this point, the shower again was in the beginning of august 2007, I
received mine after the new year which included not only just that one shower
gift but a thank you for being in her wedding, I thought that would have been
put in with the one for the wedding gift I gave them 2 months before the
Also, the wedding was in September 2007, everyone who attended
is still waiting for those thank you notes, which will never come. Thank
you notes are not that complex to write, do a couple a night and you will finish
them in no time.
I have read the stories about people not getting thank you
notes from the newlyweds for the gifts that they gave. One thing that I would
like to add to this is to make sure that make sure that your name is legible on
the gift so the newlyweds would send the notes to the right people. I have sent
out thank you cards about 2 to 3 weeks after my wedding, except for two people
because I could not read their handwritings. One was a signature, which I
couldn’t make out the name of the giver. I had people show up at my wedding
that I didn’t know. Maybe the gifts were from them, but I’ll never know.
On July 21, 2006 my husband and I were married. We had about
150 guests attend. I spent weeks preparing the thank you notes. I gave a stack
of them to my husband to get addresses from my mother in law. I guess I just
assumed that he mailed them afterwards. These were the majority of the thank you
notes that went to his side of the family. Well, to my horror, a few
weeks ago (we are now in May 2008) I found these notes in the bottom of a box
that I was unpacking. I feel absolutely horrible, and embarrassed. His family
must think that I am so ungrateful. So, would it be acceptable to
type up a note explaining that I found these and how embarrassed I am that they
were never sent out, and enclose this in an envelope with the original thank you
notes? I definitely would make no mention of blame on my husband. I was thinking
that I could also mention our house that we bought and how excited we have been
to have all of our new wedding gifts, and that we have made good use of
them. Is there a better way to approach this? Like I said, I feel so
embarrassed about the whole situation.
It happened six years ago, when one of my friends was getting
married. She was the perfect bride and had a perfect marriage, nice, elegant,
great timing, perfect venue (the groom's family castle in Provence, complete
with a small chapel), the priest/caterer/DJ all did their job perfectly, the
family on both sides was there, supportive and helpful. Even the weather
We were (still are) three friends : the bride
"Camille", "Alice" was a witness and I helped her choose the
music and readings for the ceremony.
She had class enough that she invited my then boyfriend (even
though I told her it was HER marriage and she should invite who she pleased).
She also never mentioned gifts (actually I had to call her mother to get
registry information - one registry for china and silverware, and another for
furniture). I chose a nice couch off her furniture registry as a gift.
Two weeks after that perfect wedding, I get a long letter from
Camille describing how I was a great help, how happy she was that I had come to
her wedding, that she hoped we would have our next get-together soon, and
assorted news of herself, her husband and her family. In the process of choosing
a date to get together, Alice mentions that she also got a touching letter from
So, where is the tacky part of the story?
Well, another three weeks later, I got a strange thank-you
note, emblazoned with the furniture store logo, saying (rough translation)
"Camille and Edouard thank you for the couch you chose to offer them as a
wedding gift. This is a complimentary service from XXX society."
My first reaction is, who sends two thank-you notes? And why
did she choose to have this stupid thing sent to me after she wrote that nice
letter? And why would she have this sent to anyone?
I was close enough to her that I could call her and ask her
outright was this meant. And I learned...
... that the store sent those... things... without ever
informing her of this "complimentary service"! Yes, you read it. The
store sent thank-you notes on behalf of the bride and groom without their
It's too bad I threw it away instead of framing it or
whatever... That must have been the greatest laugh I ever had!
Page Last Updated October 11, 2008