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Tacky Invitations

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About a year ago my fiancé’s cousin "Tom" and his girlfriend "Nichole" got engaged and set their date for some time in June. They told us the news and even announced that they wanted us to be in the wedding party. Many months go by and still no more mention of my fiancé or I being in the wedding. We weren't to hurt though, or shocked, since we knew what kind of people they are. Come May, and Nichole asks if she can come to our house to look at wedding dresses on the Internet. Fine. I stayed home with her for 5 hours while she searched for a dress. She finally found it and right as she was leaving told me that the wedding was going to be held in Chicago (we live in Florida mind you) and that tickets would ONLY (!) be around $300 each, also stating that we should get them soon if we wanted to go. My fiancé and I are just barely making it, and she wants us to spend $600 ONE WAY to go to her wedding? I don't think so. I figured we would just wait for the invitation (which, one month prior to the wedding, they hadn't sent out yet) and then politely decline.

Well, mid-May comes and my fiancé goes to visit his aunt (Tom's mother).

When he got home he told me how pretty Tom and Nichole's wedding invitations were, and that everyone that was invited had just gotten them the week before. He also said that as he was leaving his aunt's house, Tom stopped him and asked if we would be able to make it to their wedding. We didn't even get an invitation!

Because of how expensive the plane tickets were, none of Tom's family was able to attend the wedding, which I'm sure is exactly how Nichole wanted it. Come to find out also that Nichole didn't even invite her only brother and his wife.

It's going to take all the willpower I can muster to actually send them an invitation to our wedding. 
Invitations 0811/03

I consider this a MAJOR wedding faux pas.

My brother "Chad" was 29 years old when he married for the second time. His first marriage had been at age 19 to his high school sweetheart, and they divorced after 4 years due to personality differences. When Chad met his second fiancée, "Carol" she was a bit older and already had a 9 year old daughter, "Megan". I really liked Carol and Megan upon meeting them. Chad & Carol dated for only about 5 months before they married, so most of our extended family (other than my parents, sister, and I) had never even met Carol or Megan when the wedding invitations came out. Well, enclosed w/ each tasteful engraved ecru invitation was a bright fluorescent pink (!) slip of paper w/ the Chad & Carols' many registries on there...pretty much every registry and every local department store included. At the top of the bright pink scrap of paper it was printed "GOODIES FOR THE COUPLE!" - no I am not kidding. That's not even the full faux pas here, though... On these registries were SO many items, literally hundreds of items, including a $12,000 king size specialty mattress, and at least $10,000 worth of items expressly for Megan, Carol's daughter. If that wasn't bad enough, about four days after the wedding Carol decided to call at least HALF of Chad's side of the family (myself included) and berate us for failing to buy any of the items she "needed" to redo Megan's bedroom. True story. Crazy but true. Chad & Carol divorced 2 years later.
Invitations 0810/03

My husband and I have been together since high school, we shared many of the same friends. As we got older my husband kept in contact with many of the guys, while I lost contact with most of the girls. This past summer a couple, who also went to school with us was getting married, I hadn't seen her in about 3 years but my husband and the groom-to- be were still pretty close friends. We were so excited for them.

Many of my husband’s friends were ask to be groomsmen, and everytime we would see them they would talk about this great bachelor party they were planning. Well about a month before the wedding we realized we had yet to get an invitation, but we waited expecting it to come. It never showed up.

Well the week before the wedding we realized we probably weren't invited, we were a little hurt, but oh well it was there day, and we were still happy for them. That weekend my husband gets a call from the groomsmen asking him how much he wanted to give towards the bachelor party, my husband was stunned. He stated he wasn't even invited to the wedding and felt a little uncomfortable attending the bachelor party. The bm insisted he was invited and asks him if he would throw in a $300 towards the night so they could get a limo and a hotel room for the evening. My husband explained he would have to check but he thought he already had plans for the evening.

The next day we come home from work and there is a message on the machine from the groom-to-be explaining that he's really sorry that we didn't get an invitation, and of course we are invited, the reason they didn't send us one was b/c they knew one of my friends were getting married the same day so they assumed we couldn't come. At the end of the message he told my husband that he really wanted him to come to the bachelor party and "how cool it would be if he could throw done on the evening".

The next day when I get home from work, guess what was in the mailbox, an invitation, 4 days before the wedding. Of course we did not attend and haven't spoken to them since. The funny thing is we did have another wedding to go to, but if they just would have sent us an invitation, we would have sent them a gift and thoughtfully declined.

Invitations 0816/03

My SIL gave my husband and me a wonderful wedding gift - our wedding invitation framed.

We then received the invitation for her wedding. The invitation had three parts; an invitation, details and a map.

The map showed where the wedding and reception would take place.

The details explained how parking would be managed, children were welcome, casual dress.

The invitation had a sweet verse, dates, times and location, as well as the comment that money would be appreciated for the honeymoon.

My SIL has gotten the wedding invitation framed - now their request for cash is proudly hanging on the wall.

Aside from the obvious faux pas of requesting cash, I wonder why they didn't include the request with the details. They aren't hanging the details on the wall!

Invitations 0912/03

A girl I went to high school with got married after graduation. My best guy friend was invited, with me as a guest. The invitation had an insert that said, "Bring kids and your swimsuits!" (There was a pool at the reception site, so I guess everyone could take a dip after the wedding-I left too early, so I'm assuming this is what they did!) The tackiest thing I've ever seen on a wedding invitation!!!!!!

Invitations 0917/03

A few years ago my cousin (Lena) who has 3 children, came to a birthday party for another friend and her grand gift was 3 wilted carnations tied with paper ribbon. She is that type of person, despite her great wealth. At the end of the party she announced that the invitations to her son's engagement were printed and will be in the mail the next week. I had the distinct impression that a wedding was the last thing on the young couple's mind. Since I was weary of her type of invitations that usually involved my getting clothing, buying a gift and cooking a dish that she specified. I just came out and asked who did they get to cater the affair. Her response was,

"If you want to eat it, you better bring it".

I do not care to be taken for a fool anymore. When the invitation arrived, it went into the trash after noting the high-end registries. Invitations 0917/03

My ex-business partner sent me an invitation to her reception…The invitation said that they wanted to celebrate with the guests in costume…it is on Halloween, so there you go. Enclosed, there are two cards.

Card number one:

Mary and John are registered at Wiggy’s

(This is a local liquor store.)

Card number two:

Mary and John would like to fill their home with the work of local artists…there will be a donation box at the reception. Or you may send check directly to Blah, blah, blah… (their home address.)

Invitations 1016/03

I don’t know if there is some kind of etiquette rule of reciprocating invitations, but this seemed tacky to me. The back story is a bit long, so I apologize in advance.

My mother has a friend, "Patty" whom she met when I was a teenager as they both worked in the same office. Although they worked in the same level position, my mother was a struggling single mother, while Patty was married to a well-to-do lawyer and lived in high style in a big NYC brownstone. Patty and I got along well enough. She was always nice and polite to me, but she never took much interest in me as a person. It seemed that I was someone she had to deal with when visiting or calling. She and my mother became fairly close and Patty often invited my mother to elaborate dinner parties at her home and my mother would entertain Patty and her husband as well, although in a much simpler fashion. Once she invited my mother and me to Thanksgiving dinner (but not my older brother), although we declined as we always spent that day with my grandparents. I pretty much considered her my mother’s friend, rather than a family friend.

A few years ago Patty held a Bar Mitzvah for her son and invited my mother. My mother said it was one of the most elaborate parties she had ever seen - more elaborate than most weddings she had been to. There were separate buffets for the children and the adults and included things like sushi bars and caviar. The entertainment consisted of a DJ, an emcee, and several party motivators. My mother enjoyed herself, but she had never been terribly close to Patty’s son any more than I had been close to Patty.

A few years later I became engaged. My father made a generous contribution (but it was a set amount, so we had to budget) toward our catering bill and my now-husband and I paid for just about everything else. Although my mother didn’t have much money, she wanted to contribute something and paid for the invitations (the irony of this will become obvious in a moment). None of our parents made any demands on us about the guest list. They assumed that we were adults and were entitled to invite whomever we liked. We were very sensitive to family matters and made sure that our close and important family members and friends were invited. Even with our attempts to keep the list to our nearest and dearest, we were up to 150 people.

My mother’s office downsized and their branch closed and she and Patty were both transferred to branches in different locations. They still kept in touch and occasionally had dinner together. During one inter-office gathering my mother informed Patty of my engagement. Was Patty’s response joy at my new happiness? No. Her response to my mother was a demand for an invitation to my wedding. Her reasoning was that my mother had been invited to her son’s fancy bar mitzvah, that my mother now owed her an invitation to my wedding, never mind that it was not my mother planning or paying for the wedding (other than the invitations) or that Patty and I have never been close. In Patty’s mind it was strictly a tit-for-tat deal. Patty was such a hard-liner with her request that my mother begged me to invite her to keep the peace between them. I had never been close to Patty. Patty didn’t seem to even care about my marriage other than the wedding invitation. I wasn’t the one invited to her son’s Bar Mitzvah. I didn’t feel like I owed her anything. My mother reminded me about the Thanksgiving dinner invitation, which I pointed out was the only thing Patty had ever included me in during the whole time I have known her. The most important fact was that I simply couldn’t afford to invite Patty. My catering budget was stretched to the limit with the 150 guests already on the list. Patty and her husband would have added an extra $150 that I couldn’t spare. I don’t even know what Patty would have been expecting from my wedding. It was a fairly simple affair with a served dinner (no sushi bars or carving stations) and a single DJ for entertainment, unlike the party she had held for her son. I don’t know why she wanted to go so badly other than the fact that she felt my mother owed her the invitation.

My wedding came and went without Patty. Since then Patty has never called or otherwise contacted my mother again. There were no more invitations to fancy dinner parties. Whenever their company holds inter-office gatherings, Patty ignores my mother. A decade of friendship was ruined over a wedding invitation. Is this as wrong as I think it is?

Invitations 1105/03

This is one my father received a few years ago. Maybe my family and I are reading too much into it, but it definitely felt like a gift grab to us. It was a beautiful invitation on high-quality pink paper with a gauzy overlay and a photograph, all the corners done with one of those decorative corner punches and laced with ribbon. The couple in the picture was beautiful, smiling, happy...and totally unfamiliar to all of us. My dad checked the location, and it was a church that he used to belong to (and probably still technically does). He has not only not set foot in that church (or any other) for years, he's currently living in another city a significant distance away. These people apparently plucked him, a total stranger, out of the church registry (and I doubt it was an honest mistake; our name is extremely unusual and not easily confused with many others) at random to receive an invitation. I wonder what would have happened if he had actually opted to attend!

Invitations 1112/03

This is a really sad story to me. My boyfriend of now 7 months has known for a long time that his best friend's father is getting re-married in October. I have met the friend’s father on more than a few occasions and have even discussed their wedding with them (we have gone to dinners and such with these people). That being said, my boyfriend got an invitation for the wedding which is being held at a hotel. First of all, the invitation was sent out 2 days late because the RSVP date for a hotel room was two days past when the invitation was received.

Secondly, although the groom and my boyfriend and I had all said what a great time it would be and how happy the groom was that my man would finally have someone to canoodle with, there was no RSVP for "a guest".  My boyfriend and I are really upset that they would be so cool about it and then not actually invite him to bring me as his guest. This to me is simply rude, and extremely tacky. The invitation even said that if you want to come to the reception just make sure you are there by 11:30 (as it is a morning wedding). It's almost as if they are expecting people not to go to the reception. I was going to get a gift for them, but now I don't feel they deserve one. If you know you aren't going to be inviting someone to have a guest, then you shouldn't openly discuss what a good time they will have when you know that they aren't going. I simply think they are tacky people, and they certainly wouldn't get an invite to my wedding. I don't even want my boyfriend to go, but it's either that or lose a friend of a lifetime. I couldn't ask him to do that, but I don't think he should spend much money at all on their gift.    Invitations 0908/03