- Jun 2004 Archive
My family has giant holiday
dinners. And by giant, I mean there can be up to sixty people in the house
and within hearing range. On one of our most recent ones, the topic of my
younger brother and his new girlfriend came up. Me and a few of the
cousins were teasing him (and he was teasing back) about her.
Then out of nowhere, my mom YELLS: 'Leave him alone! She
dumped him last week!'
The table went silent.
A couple seconds later my brother said, 'Um, no she didn't.'
After dinner, I asked her what had possessed her to say
something like that. She hissed at me, said it was something called tact that I
should learn, and stalked off.
My brother is still happily with his girlfriend and my mother
still pulls that sort of thing. Other fun habits of hers are if me and my sister
ask her for help with moving a couch or something equally heavy and unwieldy,
she screams at us that we're like our alcoholic uncle that makes her life hell
and storms off.
Insanity is suspected.
Last Christmas my FIL's sister and family decided to grace him
with a visit. He didn't actually invite them, they just called and said they
were coming (and staying at his house, of course). So they get there and settle
in and things are going okay for awhile. Then on Christmas Eve, my FIL has a
family dinner. When we got there everyone was sitting around talking. They are
from California and someone said something about the cost of living and my FIL's
sister blurts out, "Well, Californians think all Oregonians are
rednecks". I guess she found the comment offensive, I don't know. Everyone
kind of stared at her. And my FIL said, "You grew up in Oregon". To
which she had no response. Later at dinner my husband's cousin decides it's a
good time to talk about the gory details of his job as an EMT. It's hard to eat
a meal with someone talking about blood and feces. LOL.
A couple of days later they left. Here's the kicker. My FIL
was cleaning up his house after the visit and noticed that all his liquor is
GONE. Apparently, they decided to take home all his booze as a Christmas gift to
I have always known that sooner or later I would have a story
concerning my stepmother for your website. That woman is a piece of work.
“Judy” has been married to my father for 16 years, and in that time I and my
sisters have seen and heard more garbage from her mouth than I ever thought
possible. For those not familiar with a Seder, it is a ceremonial dinner
held the first two nights of Passover. At one point during the dinner, you
remove 10 drops of wine from your glass to symbolize the 10 plagues that God
brought upon the Egyptians for enslaving the Jews. What people do is use
their pinky finger to dip into their wine 10 times while speaking the names of
the plagues and drop the wine onto their plate, napkin, whatever. This
year as soon as my father began saying the name of the first plague, Judy
screamed “STOP!” in her Edith Bunker voice, bringing the entire table to a
halt and making everyone’s jaws drop. She then began handing out small
pieces of matzoh (intending for us to use the matzoh instead of our fingers),
saying at the top of her already strident voice, “We are not BARBARIANS!
This is how CIVILIZED people do it!” Basically she brought her dinner
party to a screeching halt so that she could insult her husband, family and
guests. Sad to say, I’m sure this will not be my last submission
Page Last Updated May 18, 2007