When no other category fits the
I just recently discovered the site, and have had several instances of
slack-jawed amazement already, but I thought I might contribute my own.
A couple of months ago, my fiancée and her family were invited to
dinner by our pastor and his wife. I was not invited, nor even mentioned
in the invitation, and it was made clear that it would be an incredible
faux pas should any member of my fiancée's family not attend. The day of
the dinner, our pastor's wife noticed my fiancée's best friend sitting
with us during the service, and proceeded to invite "Trisha" to
dinner. As our pastor's wife is something of a self-centered, scary
individual, I was not offended at the exclusion, although I was sorry I
could not be there to lend my support to my love.
Fast-forward to their arrival at the pastor's house. As soon as they
get there, beloved pastor's wife sends my love and "Trisha" out
into the yard to pick up pieces of Styrofoam that had blown there during
the night. Upon their arrival back inside, dear, sweet, considerate
pastor's wife puts them to work serving lunch to everybody else, allowing
them to sit only after they have prepared the table and seen that everyone
else is served. To top it off, darling pastor's wife had not lifted a
single finger to prepare this meal...rather she had called up several
women in the church the previous night and "suggested" that they
"bless their pastors" (as she considers herself a pastor) by
preparing a nice lunch for them and their guests. Her only preparation was
taking the dishes and warming them a bit. Needless to say, my love and
"Trisha" bailed as soon as was reasonably possible. Perhaps if I
had been invited I would have been put to work cutting their grass or
painting their house?
My husband and I were invited over for dinner by a friend,
"Roy" for several reasons. We hadn’t seen Roy in a long time,
he’d adopted a dog he wanted us to meet and play with, and he’d met a
girl that he started dating seriously, "Jane". Naturally he
wanted us to meet her. Roy’s plans for dinner included making homemade
pizzas, so we were to go to his apartment first and then go shopping for
the pizza ingredients together.
When we arrived, we were greeted at the door by a girl who was
ostensibly Jane. She was not wearing pants. I had hoped she was wearing
very short shorts, but in fact, she was wearing an oversized T-shirt and
no pants. We started chatting, me avoiding looking at her directly, and
her sans pants. She beckoned to me and asked that I follow her to Roy’s
room so that she could continue talking to me. As I averted my eyes to
afford her some privacy, she proceeded to put on a pair of shorts. Then we
rejoined Roy and my husband and we went grocery shopping.
When we returned, we discovered that the kitchen was a disgusting mess.
There was cake batter crusted onto the countertop. The sink was full of
dirty dishes because the dishwasher, which contained clean dishes, had not
been emptied yet. Various bowls were scattered throughout the kitchen with
food caked to them. There was no conceivable way to even try to cook the
pizzas with the kitchen in such poor condition, so my husband and I just
rolled up our sleeves and started cleaning. Roy soon joined us, but Jane
became engrossed in a video game. When we had finished cleaning the
kitchen and found room to cook, Jane walked into the kitchen (wearing
Roy proudly said "Look how clean the kitchen is now!"
Jane replied, "You missed a spot", pointed at said spot, and
went back to her nook in the couch where she started playing her video
We don’t hang out with Roy and Jane very much anymore…
Many years ago, I participated in a week long class that was supposed
to teach job seeking skills to low income people. (Not everyone is born
with that proverbial silver spoon). The instructor started off with a pep
talk on the benefits of employment...Then we sat with our instructional
materials unopened in front of us as he spent five days regaling us with
tales of his gambling exploits and his travails with the Department of
Human Services after smacking his teenaged son.
According to him, he had won $25,000 (a large sum at the time) in the
Iowa State Lottery. In order to accomplish this, he had to send in five
"non-winning" scratch tickets, which would enter him into a
drawing that qualified him to go on the lottery's TV show and spin the
wheel. In order to obtain these non winning tickets. He gave scratch off
tickets as Christmas gifts to his friends and family (how thoughtful) and
then went around collecting the used tickets. He sent these in and
qualified to go on and spin the wheel.
By the way, at the end of the class he was bemoaning the fact that low
income people could get financial aid to go to college and he didn't know
where he was going to get the money to send his two kids. I politely
refrained from asking why he couldn't use that 25 grand.
A married couple of my acquaintance were expecting their second child,
her due date was about a month prior to when this incident took place.
Aaron decided to go on some weekend "bonding" retreat for men
only. He left on a Friday and would return Sunday evening. His very
pregnant wife had no problem with this as she kissed him goodbye (she was
probably grateful for having one less needy person to take care of, but I
digress.) I must mention that his wife, Kathy, is the stoic/perfectionist
type...you know the drill...they hate asking for help, can't stand it if
something's out of place, etc. They are almost never admit to feeling
overwhelmed, even if they are.
Anyway, on Saturday, while Aaron was a couple of hundred miles away at
his retreat and bonding with the boys, their 2 year old child became
violently ill with gastroenteritis, AKA "stomach flu". Concerned
her child may be dehydrated, she took him to the ER. While the child's
condition was not critical, the docs want to admit him overnight, just to
keep an eye on him. Mom, of course, agrees. She then calls the number her
husband had given her in case of an emergency. Finally Aaron comes to he
phone, Kathy tells him what's going on, and asked him to cut his weekend
short and come home. Anyone who knows this woman would know that if she is
asking for help, she is clearly overwhelmed. She was exhausted, very
pregnant and now her toddler was being admitted to the hospital. Aaron
tells her he'll get back to her. (HUH???) He rejoins the group and tells
them the story, and (according to Aaron) they encourage him not to go
home. He calls his wife back and tells her she's on her own, that he
needed to stay where he was, and he would see them tomorrow night. I am
not kidding. This father-to-be was so self-centered that not only did he
ignore his wife's needs, but wasn't there for his own kid. I understand
the fireworks that ensued after his homecoming were quite loud, indeed.
But sometimes karma intervenes....a few months later, Kathy goes into
what is known as "precipitous labor", meaning there is very
little time between initial contractions and birth. She delivered her baby
girl on the bathroom floor while daddy is totally freaking out. All's well
that ends well...both baby and mom were fine. My first thought after I
heard about this was "20 bucks says he's leaving the mess in the
bathroom for her to clean up." Tacky0330-03
Have you thought about adding a topic related to E-mail and Internet
manners (or lack thereof)? I get E-mails all the time from
"Susie" that may have a sentimental story or poem or a picture
of something 'cute'. Along with the cutesy content is an edict that the
recipient MUST send back the E-mail to the sender and forward it to a
specified number of people as proof of their friendship and loyalty. If
you don't send it back and forward it to others, you will have any number
of bad things happen to you.
Here's a typical one of those E-mails:
"I'll just take it as a hint if I don't get this back. How many
people actually have 8 true friends? Hardly anyone I know! But some of us
have all right friends and good friends!!! You have been tagged by the
Friendship Angel Which means you are a great friend!! You will have good
luck for Two Years if you send this to 8 people or more and if it is sent
back to you then you know that you are a true friend..... You must send it
in 5 minutes or your good luck will be broken!!!"
I am annoyed by these E-mails. It takes no effort to click a mouse and
perpetuate one of these things. To me, proof of friendship and loyalty are
the friends who came to the hospital at 6:00 a.m. when I had surgery, took
care of my son, brought our family food, cleaned my house and who picked
up my son and took him to school when I was recovering. We have all done
things like this. One friend's mother died and while she was ill, we
brought food, babysat, cleaned her house, took her son to school; when
another's mother-in-law was terminally ill in the hospital, we took care
of kids, made dinner, got clothes and haircuts for the kids for the
funeral, etc. It takes a lot of effort to do things like this, but for a
loved one, it doesn't seem like work. That's why I'm so offended that
someone would insinuate that a paltry E-mail would purport to show true
friendship. Maybe if one copied it in longhand, added a personal note and
sent it by regular mail, it might mean something, but then, that would
take time and the fine art of correspondence no longer means anything in
I have never had the heart to tell "Susie" to stop sending me
these things. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but every time I open my
e-mail I cringe at the things she sends me. Another friend told her to
stop; that she did not have time to wade through all of them, and
"Susie" was heartbroken. How do I walk the fine line between
standing up for myself and not hurting her feelings? I generally cower on
the side of not hurting people's feelings and gripe about it to my
At one time I would include "Susie" whenever I forwarded
anything to friends, although I am much more selective in what I forward.
"Susie" would look at the E-mail addresses of all the people I
sent things to, and add anyone she knew to her address book, then bombard
them with her cutesy E-mails. One person discontinued Internet service
because of her and my sister changed her E-mail address and has threatened
me with bodily harm if I give her new address to "Susie". Now if
I want to share anything with "Susie" I send it to her alone,
and send a separate one to everyone else.
I received this email from a friend I hadn't spoken to for
several months. It was sent to about 100 people from all over the country.
In other words, to many more people than just close friends. Also, it was
sent after she'd been out of town for several weeks, and I know from
talking to other friends that she hadn't been in touch with many people
during that time. So this is the first contact her friends have with her
after a long hiatus:
I wanted to give everyone the big update about what I'm up to, and
since I've spoken to people at different times, I think everyone knows a
different story! I am going to be moving to Smalltown, USA this fall to
go to grad school at U of Smalltown. Yee-haw! (For those of you who
thought I was going to Other School, the funding didn't work out. Long
story.) I am going to be SO sad to leave Bigtown!!! In the meantime, I
will be shirking all responsibility and taking a two month trip to
Europe this summer, leaving June 4th. I'll be back the first week of
August before Barney and I move to Smalltown, and will have a going away
party then. Now I some questions for YOU:
Does anyone have a medium to large backpack I could borrow?
Does anyone have friends in Europe who would let me and Barney stay
with them for 2-3 nights?
Does anyone have friends/relatives in Smalltown that you think I
OK, I'll leave you alone now. Hope to talk to everyone soon!
I'd like to share the story of a tacky graduation I attended at a
small, rural, public college in 1998. That year, the state instituted a
controversial licensing exam for prospective teachers. Part of the
controversy was the fact that over 60% of those who took it that year
failed the first time.
Every year, graduating seniors chose a faculty member to address the
class. That year, they chose a professor from the Education department.
She decided to use her speech to express her hatred of the Teachers Test.
The Teacher Certification candidates loved her speech. Everyone else
thought it was extremely tacky.
You have a great site--I can't tear myself away from it. I have a story
that does not seem to fit into any of your main categories, but if you
ever start a category for "Selfish" that's where the story could
Several years ago my younger sister became very ill and was hospitalized
with a severe infection. She was placed in ICU, in critical condition, and
we were told she had a 50% chance of survival. As you can imagine, this
was an extremely stressful situation for our family. My husband and I
lived close enough to her that we could be at the hospital every day, and
my mother flew in from another state to be at the hospital at all times.
My sister had a lot of friends and some of them organized meals for us and
many people were very helpful and kind. One of my sister's former
roommates had gotten married and moved away but came back for a weekend to
visit with her parents, who lived in the area. The parents came to the
hospital several nights in a row prior to their daughter's visit and sat
with us in the ICU waiting room, and I'm sure they thought they were being
supportive, but since none of us had met them before, it was kind of
uncomfortable. They ended up staying every night they visited until at
least 11pm, and my mother, who was sleeping at the hospital, tried to get
them to leave (through hints, as my mother is loathe to hurt people's
feelings) so she could go to sleep, but they did not take these hints.
When the daughter arrived for her visit with them, they brought her to the
hospital and asked if she could see my sister. The ICU staff had
stipulated that only family could visit my sister, and we could only see
her for 15 minutes at a time, a few times per day. This was because they
wanted to avoid visitors tiring her out and disrupting her sleep. The
parents became very pushy and aggressive after we'd explained that only
family could visit, and they nastily pointed out that we'd allowed my
sister's best friend to visit. This was true, but it was also true that my
sister's best friend had been at the hospital every single day during the
entire ordeal, and at that point we were basically considering her part of
the family. The parents pushed so hard to have their daughter admitted to
my sister's room that the ICU staff consented to allow her in for 5
minutes, accompanied by a family member. I went in with the daughter, and
my sister was awake and seemed happy to see her. The daughter took one
look at my sister hooked up to the respirator, the heart monitor, the
feeding tube, the catheter, and the blood oxygen meter and burst into
tears. My sister, who could not talk (since she had the respirator tube in
her throat) felt compelled to try and comfort her friend. I stood there in
disbelief that this girl was not even trying to compose herself and was
instead basically demanding comfort from my sister. I glared at her,
trying to send her a message to stop crying, and eventually she did, and
then her visit was over.
Afterwards she apparently told her parents what happened, and they were
clearly angry at me for being so insensitive to their daughter's feelings.
They stayed in the waiting room for another couple of hours, not speaking
to us but radiating a passive aggressive rage toward our family and my
sister's best friend. Just as I was about to ask them to leave, they
apparently decided their work was done there and went home. I know I could
have been nicer to their daughter, but as I said, we were all under
extreme stress, and I found it ridiculous that they were acting like an
injured party and trying to force us to feel guilty about putting my
sister's health above their daughter's tender feelings. They did not
return to the hospital, and since my sister's recovery (she spent 9 weeks
in the hospital but recovered fully) the daughter has not contacted her
once. I guess her friendship with my sister was only important when my
sister had one foot in the grave. Tacky0327-03
My boyfriend and I went to a rather classy restaurant for lunch one
weekend. We were sitting opposite another couple who were in their late
50's, early 60's. All through our lunch we noticed the lady staring at us.
The couple were barely talking and we were laughing to ourselves that
could be us in 30 years. After a while she pulled out a pen and paper and
started writing a letter, still looking at us occasionally, and drinking
This was on a weekend so I had little makeup on, but still considered
myself to be looking quite neat. We had arrived well after the couple so
were finishing our entrees when they were leaving. As the couple were
walking out to pay, the lady came up to me and said 'Here's a little
something for you, please read it once you are home and have a bit of a
think about it', smiled sweetly, patted my arm and walked out. It happened
so quickly, I didn't even get in a word to her.
Immediately I read the note (I wanted to know why a complete stranger
would be writing me a note while I am obviously dining with my partner).
It read something like this: "I understand how upsetting a poor
complexion can be with young ladies like yourself. But with the right care
and attention you can improve these imperfections. I have a fantastic
range of skincare that helps with redness and blotches. My name is
Mary-Kay Jones and I believe I have something that would work perfectly
for you. Please feel free to ring me at home any time so we can talk about
what I can do to help you".
This was written on a pink card on the back of a promotional
leaflet/card for a well known cosmetic company that sell through
representatives. I was absolutely gutted. I was so embarrassed I just
wanted to leave, my boyfriend wanted to know what the note said, and I
realized she had been staring at my skin that whole time. I felt sick
after that intrusion and unwanted advice. Please note: Do not give out to
unasked for advice to acne sufferers, especially if you work for a well
known cosmetic company. Anyone with acne knows how confidence crushing the
condition is. I will never say a positive word about that company, and
funnily enough I never rang that woman up. I can laugh about it now, but
was fuming at the time it happened.
Page Last Updated May 15, 2007