Weddings
From Hell
The Whole Thing from start to
finish is a disaster
2000 Archive
This is a real winner! First of all the
bride and groom were very young 19 and 20 I believe. In the months
leading up to the wedding they were constantly fighting, even if
there were people around them, and I'm talking shouting matches with
some really choice words.
Well, the day of their wedding(this is
November on the East coast, so remember its very cold, you'll need
this info. for later!) the groom is waiting patiently for his bride,
and so are all the guests, 45 minutes past the time the wedding was
supposed to start, when finally the bride shows up. She scurries
down the aisle after her two bridesmaids, and the pastor says his
part then begins to ask them to repeat after him. When it got to the
bride's turn, she was slurring her words, skipping words, and
actually said some pretty bizarre stuff. The chick was toasted!
Drunk as a skunk! Three sheets to the wind! And on her wedding day!
They made it through the ceremony, but
just barely, and then we all went on to the reception. This is so
lovely.... when we arrived at the hall we couldn't believe how it
was decorated... a few blue and pink streamers on the wall and some
balloons. Wait, is this a baby shower or a wedding reception? I
found out the bride and her friends just threw it together as fast
as they could because they were in a hurry to start the bachelorette
party.
After a few moments of being inside, a
very distinct stench started to permeate my nostrils.... EWWWWW!
Rotten Eggs! Then after I found my table and sat down, I took off my
jacket, but suddenly noticed how cold it was in there. And there was
a nice gust of wind howling through. They opened the doors to get
the smell out apparently, and would rather freeze, than have to
smell that God awful stench.
Well, at least there must be some hot
food. Nope. If you wanted you could go up to the counter and get
yourself a piece of rolled up bologna or ham on a toothpick, and a
finger sandwich, which was okay, since I figured they must be on a
budget. The bride and groom showed up and within minutes began
arguing(oh, the happy couple!), and the bride is after another
drink. "Don't try the punch!" I want to yell, since it
tasted like someone stirred it with their dirty feet. Someone got
them to calm down, and they mingled with guests a little.
I asked where the cake was, and someone
said upstairs, so I went with one of my cousins to check it out.
Unfortunately the smell was so intense upstairs, and the cake had
been sitting there so long, I was guaranteed to get a mouthful of
rotten eggs if I tasted that(no thanks!). Okay, I'm outta here! I
really didn't want to watch that couple smear cake in each other's
faces, get into another argument then really go at it. Luckily, by
the time I got back downstairs, I noticed the guests had diminished
a bit, and found out that the bride and groom were ready to leave
themselves because they thought it sucked.
The good news is, this lovely couple
moved in with his parents and lasted a whole 3 months before they
filed for divorce! Wow! Ain’t love grand! The bad news is, after I
got engaged myself, I had nightmares along the lines of their
wedding, imagining that everything was going wrong, I had to wear a
dress with big daisies all over it because my dress was torn up,
everyone pointed and laughed, and at my reception bologna on a
toothpick and little slices of Twinkies were offered. Wedhell0305-01
I've had a great time going through your
website. I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in all my life!
Working in the wedding "industry" (I'm a floral designer)
I get to hear my fair share of wedding hell stories. The story I'd
like to share with you concerns my cousin "John", who
married "Daisy" about ten years ago. It's a great example
of the old adage: If something can go wrong, it will.
To start with, John and I had never been
all that close. He is much older than me and had always been a bit
of a loner, opting to avoid family gatherings. So needless to say I
was a bit surprised to hear that I had been asked to be a bridesmaid
at his wedding. I didn't even know that he was engaged! As it turns
out, as soon as John's mother, my aunt, heard the joyous news, she
decided that it would be her job to organize the event. It was upon
her insistence that myself as well as two other female cousins
should be included in the wedding party. Add that to two of Daisy's
friends serving as bridesmaids, and the wedding party soon ballooned
up to twelve people, including John and Daisy. Oh well, the more the
merrier, as they say...
Four months before the wedding, all of
the bridesmaids gathered at the dressmakers shop to have our first
fitting. I hadn't as yet seen nor heard anything about these
dresses, but being the easy-going sort of person that I am, I wasn't
all that concerned. I wasn't disappointed either. The dresses were
absolutely beautiful. They were an elegant sheath style with a
beautiful lace overlay. Rather gaudy by today's bridesmaid's
standards, but ten years ago they were absolutely stunning. The
problem arose when my two cousins tried on their dresses. At the
time they were rather, shall we say, "rotund", and the
dresses were not at all flattering for their body shapes. Then the
crying started - "I can't wear this!", and "I'll look
like a stuffed sausage!", etc...
Daisy, of course, had her heart set on
these dresses, and it didn't take long for what was supposed to be a
simple dress fitting to turn into what I can only describe as
something similar to a WWF Smackdown. In the end Daisy ceded, if
only to keep the peace with her future mother-in-law, who sided with
my cousins. The dresses ended up being these horrible electric-blue
taffeta creations, complete with a removable overskirt held together
by a hideous bow and a lace bolero jacket. Ugh. I still have
nightmares about it.
Fast forward to the wedding day. As I've
said, my aunt went about making most of the arrangements - she
booked the church and the reception venue, hired the photographer
and DJ, ordered the flowers and invitations, etc... Throughout it
all, she reveled in telling everyone how she was going to throw the
most lavish wedding our family had ever seen, and how she was doing
it at a really low cost by using all of her "connections".
Should have been an omen, I think.
Well, the big morning arrives and all the
bridesmaids congregate at Daisy's house to await the limousine. The
flowers arrived on time, but instead of being the small posies of
fresh sweetheart roses that Daisy had requested, they turned out to
be these hideous artificial bouquets with orange lilies and blue
baby's breath. It seems that my aunt made "special"
arrangements with the florist, one of her "connections",
and had changed the floral order without telling Daisy.
After getting over our collective shock,
we went back to waiting for the limousine.... and waiting.... and
waiting.... well, it just plain never showed up. So we ended up
piling into our cars and racing to the church. Ever seen a bride
arrive at her wedding in an '82 Volkswagen Jetta with more rust on
it than paint, and which probably hadn't seen the inside of a car
wash in a year? The photographer caught every beautiful moment on
film, including when Daisy said, "Get out of the $@^%$#$ way -
I'm late for my wedding!"
The ceremony itself went off without a
hitch - I even shed a tear or two. After the vows were said, we
exited the church and lo and behold - there was the limousine. Seems
that he had gotten lost that morning and couldn't find the bride's
house. Well, we all make mistakes, right? But then we faced the next
problem - there were supposed to be two limousines at the church in
order to accommodate the full wedding party - we had only one. How
to solve this problem? Let's pile twelve people into a limousine
designed for eight! It's only a short drive to the park where the
pictures were to be taken, and don't worry about the fact that the
limo's air conditioning was broken on the hottest day of the summer
- we can open all the windows!
By this time Daisy was near tears. What
else could go wrong? A lot, actually. When we arrived at the park to
take the pictures, it was discovered that the photographer had never
bothered to get a permit, which is a requirement in the city in
which we live. No permit, no pictures. The photographer apparently
thought that if he tried to slip the park administrator a twenty,
the guy would let us in. Uh uh. So we ended up back in the
limousine, all twelve of us, cruising the city for an appropriate
picture spot. Nary an appropriate venue in sight. We ended up back
at my aunt's house, taking pictures in her backyard. Some may think
it quaint, but one glance at the rusty old swingset and the
dilapidated shed that found their way into most of the pictures will
change your mind. It does not end there, my friends.
Next it was off to the reception, held at
a hall not far from my aunt's house. Again, one of her
"connections". Entering the hall, the first thing out of
everyone's mouth was, "My goodness, it's hot in here, isn't
it?" Guess what? The air conditioning was broken. It was a
veritable oven in there. The next question was, "Where's the
DJ?" Yup, you guessed it - he didn't show up. My aunt called in
another of her "connections" - a "personal
entertainer" who arrived with his very own karaoke machine.
Never mind that the man could barely speak a word of English - he
wasn't busy that night and he worked really cheap. To this day,
Daisy is convinced that my aunt cancelled the DJ without her knowing
so that she could call in this friend of hers to sing, very badly I
might add.
The food was like nothing I had ever seen
- the pasta looked as though it had been cooked the night before,
the roast beef was sliced so thinly that if you held it up to the
light you could see right through it (trust me, I tried it...), and
the "creme glacee avec des baies sauvages" ended up as
nothing more than a scoop of ice cream with an under ripe strawberry
on top. Throughout it all, Daisy was in hysterics - John, on the
other hand, didn't seem to be bothered at all. The night ended with
the top tier of the cake sliding off its' plate and crashing to the
ground, breaking the cake top figurines in the process. It really
was the "wedding from hell" - I have not since seen so
many things go wrong on one single day.
Since their wedding ten years ago, I have
seen John and Daisy only three times - since that day, they like to
keep to themselves. Any wonder? So that's my "wedding story
from hell". Thank goodness it wasn't my wedding. I've changed
the name of the bride and groom - I have no doubt that if anyone in
my family knew that I was spreading this story around, I'd be
lynched. Wedhell0307-01
When I got married on New Year's Eve
1997, my mother and I went all out to
plan an elaborate white tie affair. The men in the bridal party were
dressed
in tails, I wore a Colonial style gown and my Maid of Honor and
bridesmaid
wore hunter velvet. Instead of a traditional reception, we decided
to attend
a New Year's Eve party instead.
My husband wasn't very involved with the
wedding plans and mistakenly told the best man (his only attendant)
that the
New Year's Eve party was casual, so he might want to change into
something
more comfortable before he came to the party because he had to drop
off his
date anyway (She was shy and I assumed that she didn't feel
comfortable
attending the party). The best man arrived at a very formal party
dressed in
jeans and a T-shirt. I felt so bad that he'd been the victim of bad
information that I offered to drive him back so he could change back
into his
tux. He was very thankful, but declined and left immediately after
dinner.
The banquet hall of the hotel that the party was held in was a non
smoking
facility, but the lobby was a designated smoking area. Since nearly
everyone
we had invited were smokers, we frequently gathered in the lobby to
have a
cigarette. Early in the evening, a group of people passed us in the
lobby,
did a double take when they saw that I was in a wedding gown and one
of them
announced loudly to her companions that "I give that marriage 6
months".
Maybe they were right or maybe that comment had something to do with
it,
because my husband and I did separate 6 months later, but it's
certainly not
something that you say to newlyweds.
After the wedding, I sat down to do thank you notes and wrote a long
letter
to the Best Man and his girlfriend, thanking them for attending the
ceremony,
apologizing for the attire mix-up and expressing my regrets that the
girlfriend couldn't attend the reception. They lived in the same
apartment
complex that we did and a couple of weeks later, I ran into her. She
said
that she had received my letter but she was somewhat confused as to
the
remarks about her attendance at the reception. To make a long story
short,
my husband apparently told her that she was not invited to the
reception
because it was so expensive and he wanted to save money. The truth
of it was
that he plainly didn't like her and didn't even want her to attend
the
ceremony. I ended up taking her to lunch at a nice restaurant to
apologize
to her, but I don't think she ever really got over that slight.
Wedhell0319-01
I was looking for proper etiquette for my
brother-in-law's upcoming wedding, and found this site. (big smile)
It makes me feel like my problems were NOTHING in comparison.
Nevertheless, I submit my story for everyone's enjoyment because I
certainly didn't think it was the best possible event. I'm married
for 13 years to date, so it's but a memory.
When my boyfriend did the unthinkable and
didn't ask for their approval first, my parents saw the relationship
as something that they could break up and my mother was still trying
to set me up with other men. When I moved out, my parents said they
would not attend the wedding. Though Mom helped me pick out a
wedding dress, made silk flower arrangements and my bouquet and
helped with many other things.. she still insisted that they are not
coming to the wedding.(very confusing)
So, I arranged for my only, younger,
brother (16) to give me away. My mother-in-law arranged for a
photographer (who asked if he could also try videotaping
everything). He took wonderful pictures, but some I can't bare to
look at. (same goes for the videotape.) My father had me crying as I
was at their home getting ready. So the photographer captured not
only the stills of my red-eyed smile.. but also in my bedroom,
upset, as I was getting ready.
Putting on my acrylic nails, I had my old
room full of people, so I switched languages, just so I could talk
to Mom and not be reasonably embarrassed. But now I will always have
my words to haunt me on tape for how upset I was. The photographer
didn't have the sense to 1: not tape a bad emotional scene(s) (I was
too upset to think of sending him out) and 2: not sense enough not
to put it final edited copy! My MOH bowed out and vanished, a couple
months in advance so I promoted my bridesmaid, but I still needed
'maid, so I asked my boyfriend's cousin's girlfriend. She accepted
with the comment that she was second choice.
Let's see, my new husband was nowhere to
be found at the reception, so I danced the first dance with my
grandmother. Soon after, I find that he was upset that I did that. I
was not going to just stand there while everyone enjoyed themselves
on the dance floor just because I hadn't danced with my husband yet.
And lastly, my grandmother supposedly call out to us during the vows
for us to 'speak louder'. My parents, who insisted to the end that
they would not attend the wedding... did, but did not attend the
reception. All in all it was a very successful wedding, with many
minor problems. I try to keep it in perspective now; husband,
children and the good overall memories to look back on that was my
wedding. (but sometimes it's not easy.) Thanks for the stories.
Wedhell0319-01
My brother got married to a lovely girl
this past August. We moved to a different state between getting the
invitation and the wedding, and we couldn't really afford the
wedding, but we decided to eat noodles (more or less) for the rest
of the month so we could make the round trip from Virginia to
Indiana. Well, we settled into our home and started thinking about a
wedding gift. I e-mailed our mother to see if she knew where they
were registered, and she told us JC Penney. So we got a copy of
their registry and went happily off to buy something. We had about
$55 we could pay for a gift, so we thought we were pretty well off
for this, none of the families involved being exactly rolling in
dough. I was further determined to get them something from their
registry because NO ONE had gotten us anything from ours!
Well, I was wandering around the store
reading their registry when I got shocked. My DH & I had made
sure that we registered for gifts in a wide price range, including
many under $5! The cheapest thing on the list was $8--and that was
for MEASURING CUPS! Well, I hunted all over the store for something
to get them, enlisting the aide of a saleslady (many of the things
they had registered for weren't at that store). Obviously we
wouldn't be getting them the $200 comforter they wanted, or the $90
sheer panel for their windows. We bought them a wicker
dressing-table tray (which my brother held up at the reception and
asked me what the hell it was) and the napkins and napkin rings that
were on their list. The whole time my husband was grousing that we
shouldn't buy them anything, as they certainly hadn't gotten us a
gift for our wedding.
The time comes for the wedding. We make
the drive, but we seriously underestimated the time it would take us
to get there, so we arrived about 12 hours late. Upon arriving at
the hotel my mother told us about the rehearsal dinner. I was upset
at not having been invited (believe me, had I been I would have made
sure I attended!). Come to find out, my brother's foster mother
WOULD have invited us--on the off-chance that we had called her
before leaving for Indiana. (Keep in mind, this is a lady whom I
have met once in my life, when I was five, and I am VERY shy.)
Okay, no problem. I was disappointed at
not being able to get hold of my brother that night, because it
would mean that I wouldn't get to meet my future SIL until after the
wedding! We arrived at the church and were seated in the front. The
church wasn't air-conditioned, but there were little paddle-fans on
the pews--from the local funeral home! I read through the wedding
program and was extremely upset to see that the children of my
brother's foster-siblings were listed as his nieces and
nephews--especially as I had been put in the acquired position of
explaining to our half-sister why she and her family weren't
invited!
The ceremony itself was very strange.
There was a unity candle ceremony of a sort. Admittedly, I had only
seen this ceremony at one wedding before, but it was my impression
that the bride and groom would light the main candle themselves. The
minister did it here! My brother and his bride just stood rather
awkwardly at the altar whilst a family friend sang the 23rd Psalm
(you know, the one with the line "Yea though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death, I shall feel no evil") in
German.
The reception was another frightening
matter. The decor of the church had been my first indication that
this girl had let an invitation catalog dictate her wedding
decorations! For some strange reason, just inside the door to the
sanctuary there was a fake-flower covered arch, and the aisle was
covered in one of those runners that are supposed to serve to keep
the bride's dress clean (I would have expected the church carpet to
be clean, but at any rate the purpose was defeated by having all the
guests walk on it to get to their pews).
The reception was held in the church's
gym below ground. It wasn't air-conditioned either, but there were
several large fans (the type you'd expect to find in an
unairconditioned gym). The reception tables showed more of that
decorating spirit. There were not only thank-you scrolls (which even
the catalogs admit are favors) but Hershey's Kisses wrapped in
cellophane to resemble roses as favors, personalized napkins, and of
course the ubiquitous floating candle in a bowl centerpieces.
The cake table was decorated in an
equally frightening manner, and the cake itself had a lit fountain
underneath it. (!) My mother later told me that my brother's bride
was one in a family of five girls, one of whom has severe cerebral
palsy, and the family lives in a doublewide trailer--so it was
obvious they had gone to a lot of trouble to give their daughter the
wedding she wanted! It was obvious to see where they had decided to
scrimp. The buffet was set with cold cuts, chips, and bread, and the
champagne fountain poured Kool-Aid. Most of the guests left
immediately after the bride and groom entered--not even staying for
the toasts or the cake cutting!
There was a large table where all the
gifts were piled, and when things started to wind down about an hour
later my brother pulled up a chair and so did one of the bridesmaids
armed with material to note who gave what. Cards were looked at,
their envelopes thrown into the trash. Most of the guests were gone
by now, which was a good thing because it meant they didn't have to
hear their gift being discussed!
My husband and I left soon after. I had
had to leave the room several times because I couldn't get over
being upset that our half-sister wasn't invited (the program
listings had really been the last straw). I kept having to go
collect myself so I didn't say something to the bride and groom
about it! We did get a thank-you note, I am glad to say. Of course,
we got it several months after said half-sister got hers (she didn't
send anything, but I signed the card on one of our gifts as being
from her in an unsuccessful attempt to at least make them feel
guilty). Seems they had sent it to Connecticut, somehow missing the
new address I had been very careful to write on the card we gave
them! (On a side note, even after giving them our new address
several times, our Christmas card arrived in January because it,
too, had to be forwarded.)
wedhell0410-01
The worst wedding I have ever attended
(well, so far at least) was about two years ago. My cousin, after
being engaged for only three months to a man twice older than her
was getting married. Now, I know people do fall in love quickly and
get married as fast, but in this case my cousin's mother (my aunt)
really pushed her daughter to marry this guy. Apparently because he
is well off and owns a couple of houses. Ok, yeah, that's a good
reason to get married. This side of the family has been notorious
for being tacky and rude all of our lives, but we just grin and bear
it. This family has never been religious, never attending church or
baptizing their children or anything, but my aunt insisted that her
daughter have a church wedding. I thought that in itself was funny.
So, the wedding day comes and my husband
and I arrive at the church (it's a 10:00am wedding). We notice a lot
of scaffolding and Danger Do Not Cross tape all around the church.
We are then told that the church is still under construction and the
ceremony will be held in the gym out back. Ok, not their fault
…things happen. The ceremony proceeds without a hitch, but the
bride did look a little queasy. I later learned that she wanted to
back out of the wedding only hours before telling her mother that
she didn't love the guy she was going to marry. My aunt told her
that she had already paid for everything and that she was going
through with it no matter what! What a lovely woman (saying it in a
sarcastic tone).
Move on to the reception. We arrive at
the restaurant where the reception is being held and I wonder why
everyone is just standing around in the hallway and not actually in
the banquet room. Well, apparently the wedding party hadn't arrived
yet and they wanted to be the first ones to enter the room so no one
was being allowed inside! I might add there were several elderly
relatives there and no place for them to sit down. Finally after
about thirty minutes of just standing someone persuaded the wedding
coordinator to open the door. We file in, unload the gifts at the
gift table that we had been carrying, and find somewhere to sit.
There are no seating charts so we proceed to the closest table. My
mom picks a table that is just in front of the wedding table and
puts my elderly grandmother in chair and the rest of us sit. None of
these tables have any cards that say 'Reserved' or anything. We find
out later that the table my mom picked out was supposed to be for my
aunt and her friends and family. How were we to know that?! A sign
would have been nice!?
It was a sit down dinner. Now all of the
past weddings I've attended they are either buffet, and you have a
choice of several foods or it's a sit down dinner. In the case of
the sit down usually you are given a choice of either beef, chicken,
fish or whatever when you get the invitation. That's how it was at
our wedding in any case. So, I was surprised when (two hours later!)
the wait staff start bringing out the food. And as I observe every
single meal is the same. Roasted chicken, steamed rice, and steamed
vegetables. Too bad for you if you don't like chicken, because
that's it! We notice a bar and I ask my husband if he can get me a
soda, since the wait people are too busy to refill the water pitcher
(after asking them three times). My husband also gets drinks for the
rest of the table. He comes back and tells only me that he had to
pay for everything. Even the sodas were $2.00 a glass (not a full
glass, just the small hi-ball size). I've heard of having to pay for
the liquor, but sodas!
The evening crawls, the DJ is too loud
and no one is dancing. The beautiful cake is still uncut two hours
after dinner is finished. My husband and I finally cannot stand
being there any longer and we decide to leave, under the glaring eye
of my aunt who later confronts my mom as to why we left so early (at
10:00pm!). My mom says she wanted to stay because she wanted some
cake. I find out later that my parents finally left at about 11:45pm
and they still hadn't cut the cake! Wedhell0411-01
I'm not sure where you would categorize
this one, since it went bad from
start to finish, but here goes.
My old Army roommate, Holly, and her boyfriend Keith (also military)
decided
to get married. Since military personnel don't make a lot of money,
they
knew this would be a shoestring budget wedding.
Luckily, Keith's mother ran a country club, and was able to get them
free use
of the clubhouse for the ceremony and reception as a wedding
present. So
having a date and place, they proceeded to plan a modest wedding.
Holly
decided to have only two attendants--she asked Keith's sister, Mary,
to be
her maid of honor, and asked me to be her bridesmaid. Mary's
daughter Katie
would be the flower girl.
From the word go, Holly was very casual and relaxed about how this
would
work. She decided that since Mary and I didn't look anything alike,
she
wouldn't have us wear identical dresses--she just simply asked that
we each
pick a hunter green bridesmaid's dress. She also asked if I would
mind
making my own bouquet--she suggested that I just go to Hobby Lobby
and buy
one of their fake-flower bouquet sets. I know some people out there
would
scream "tacky", but Holly didn't want people blowing their
budgets for the
most expensive stuff when in her opinion, nobody would know the
difference.
So I buy the dress and make the bouquet, and it all looks very nice.
In the
meantime, my service time is ended, and I moved to Oklahoma, but I
was only
four hours away from the wedding site, and my aunt lived in that
area and
told me I could stay with her that weekend.
So, comes the wedding day....and everything that could have gone
wrong, did.
In spades.
We had been advised ahead of time that due to the budget
limitations, we
would be decorating the clubhouse ourselves, plus we were being sent
out to
the grocery store to buy food and drink, so to please arrive at five
o'clock,
and the entire wedding party and the immediate family would get it
all
together. This was fine, and at five, we were all there. Except
Keith's
mother--who naturally, had the keys. She wound up not getting there
until
six-thirty--in her nervousness, she'd locked her keys in her car. So
we're
rushing around trying to get the clubhouse decorated in less than an
hour,
since the ceremony is supposed to start at seven-thirty.
We very impressively got the place done in 30 minutes (nice to know
all our
military training came in handy, one wonders what our drill
sergeants would
say) and Holly, Mary, and I went to change into our wedding
outfits....and
there's only one place to do it--the ladies' room. It was the kind
where
it's one toilet in a large room, rather than several enclosed
stalls. This
meant any female guests who might need to use the facilities
wouldn't be able
to until we were done, so we corralled the best man and asked him to
be the
"bathroom monitor", and direct everybody to the men's
room--we figured it was
the same setup, so as long as everybody knocked before entering, it
would
work. Sadly, it didn't. Throughout the entire changing process, the
female
guests *insisted* on using the ladies room!
But we're in there trying to change, and this is where I started to
have many
issues with Mary. First thing she noticed was that our dressed
looked
*nothing* alike--and mysteriously, in two seconds flat she has the
flu so
badly that she elects to not take part in the wedding! So fifteen
minutes
before the ceremony is to begin, I'm suddenly the maid of honor.
Mary
stomped out of the ladies' room, then stomped back in with Holly's
dress.
Mary had rented a wedding dress for Holly, since obviously, buying
one wasn't
in the budget either. She hung the dress up, still in its plastic
bag, and
stomped out again. Holly decided to go after her to try and talk her
back
into taking part in the ceremony. So while she did that, the mom and
I
pulled the dress out of the bag to get it ready for Holly to put on.
Imagine our horror and disgust when dead moths fell out of the
dress. There
were so many you couldn't see the floor directly under the gown. As
disgusting as this was, we quickly scooped up the dead moths and
flushed them
down the toilet so Holly wouldn't know. The mom inspected the dress,
and
found a stain (faint) on the bodice, and a rip under the left arm.
We
literally didn't know what to do! Holly came back in, unsuccessful
with
Mary, and her future mother-in-law showed her the dress. (We kept
our mouths
shut about the moths.) Holly decided that her world wouldn't come to
an end
if the dress wasn't perfect, and joked she wouldn't do the
hokey-pokey and
wave her arms around in the air. (She was being such a good sport
about
everything, I really have to say this!)
We got her in the dress, and despite everything, she looked
absolutely
gorgeous. Mary must've felt somewhat badly about her behavior,
because she
came back in and did Holly's makeup, and made her look absolutely
stunning.
It's seven-thirty, and we're a *little* late, but it's not too bad.
Another problem. Holly's father and grandmother aren't there. And
Holly,
naturally, is worried and doesn't want to start without them. We
start
making phone calls all over the city trying to track them down.
Finally,
they show up at eight-fifteen. Locking one's keys in the car must
have been
an epidemic for the city that night, because that's exactly what had
happened
to Holly's father as well!
So now we can begin. The music starts, and the flower girl gets
overexcited
and goes charging down the aisle ahead of me, forgetting to throw
her rose
petals, but hey, she's only two and a half. I go ahead and walk down
the
aisle, and halfway down, a guest stands up, and announces he was
supposed to
get the ice for the reception and he forgot, could we wait while he
took care
of that? I looked him dead in the eye and said, "You *are*
kidding, right?"
His response was, "It'll only take me fifteen minutes."
Nobody said a word,
we just all stared at him. Finally I told him to sit down and wait
until the
ceremony was over. He sat down, but he gave me the *dirtiest* look!
I finish my walk, and Holly starts hers. She meets Keith in front of
the
minister, and all is good. The flower girl then remembers she forgot
her
rose petals....and turns her little basket upside-down over the
train of
Holly's dress and proceeded to jump up and down on the gown. Her
mother came
running up the aisle to get her, the kid sees her coming, and crawls
under
Holly's skirt to hide. *That* was entertaining, let me tell you.
Anyway,
got the kid out of there, do the vows, the minister amusingly gets
Holly's
surname right (and it's one of those long
more-consonants-than-vowels type),
and botches Keith's, who has a very common surname. He then proceeds
to
refer to me as the "best bride, I mean the best woman, I mean
the woman of
honor...."
The ceremony is over, and time for the reception. The food being
served?
Mexican finger food. On paper plates. And nobody thought to get
tables--we
were going to have to hold the plates on our laps and eat! You can
imagine
how quickly those plates started to shred under all the grease the
food had
been cooked in!
Much to mine and Holly's disappointment, there was no dancing. Seems
that
somebody on Keith's side of the family invoked a
"no-dancing" ban for
religious reasons. (Keith's family is Southern Baptist.) Funny how
the
bride was not informed of this beforehand!
Now it's time for toasting the happy couple. To my disappointment,
they used
Seven-Up, but between Holly's family being Mormon and Keith's being
Southern
Baptist, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. But I decided it
wasn't
going to kill me, so I raised my glass up with everybody
else--except one
blonde witch standing next to me, who said, and I quote, "What
the f*** do I
care about their happiness?" I looked at her, completely
stunned, and said,
"Excuse me?" She looked at me and said, "You heard me
b****. Why should I
care if they're ever happy?" I responded in a whisper,
"You will raise your
glass with a smile on your face or I will break your damn jaw."
Yes, I know.
Hardly the way to handle the situation, and I was immediately sorry,
and I
felt badly. It could have gone way bad. But I guess the girl thought
I
meant it, because she raised up her glass. Didn't smile, but as long
as she
kept quiet, I didn't care.
Turns out she was Keith's ex-girlfriend. She heard he was getting
married
and managed to get the details from *somebody* and crashed his
wedding!
If you're still reading this, take heart--it's almost over. :-)
The toasts are made, the happy couple are saying their good-byes,
and I
noticed that some of the guys went out with all the stuff
appropriate for
"decorating" a car. It must have been some sixth sense,
because ten minutes
later I suddenly ran outside--Keith and I both owned the same type
of car,
and the colors were similar. In the dark, it was hard to tell whose
was
whose. You'd think the guys would notice that one car had Oklahoma
plates,
and the other had Texas plates, but oh well--I stopped them before
they got
too far on mine. :-)
I am happy to say that the whole disaster happened five years
ago--but Keith
and Holly are still together, and ultimately, I suppose that's what
counts! Wedhell0412-01
I have just thankfully survived my April
Fools' Day wedding. (Mental note... When planning a wedding on April
Fools' Day, plans will follow accordingly.)
We started planning our wedding 13 months
prior. Within the first week, 90% of the plans were done. Wedding
party was set, hall rented, tuxedos reserved, dress purchased. But,
the best laid plans... 6 months later, the hall "lost" our
reservation for the grand ballroom, and instead booked us a
windowless second-floor conference room that could seat 25. We had
80 on the guest list. Had to wait a full month for the return of our
deposit. Three months prior to the wedding, our head usher announced
that he'd rather be a bridesmaid. After the tux was fitted and paid
for. Lovely.
Two months prior to the wedding,, as all
good brides do, I joined a gym to get toned up for the honeymoon
cruise. It backfired. Although I lost 25 lbs., I built up so much
muscle that the top 12 inches of my dress could not be zipped. Had
to wear a brocade jacket over my dress for the entire wedding. Two
months prior to the wedding,, bridesmaids decide on dresses. Order
placed, deposits paid. MOH doesn't show, had to guess on size. Third
bridesmaid waits until others have left and throws a HUGE hissy fit
over how much she HATES the dress she just picked out. Dresses are
due in 2 days prior to wedding. (They arrived on time!) MOH is
severely allergic to her dress, bride has to reline the dress in
100% silk on the day before wedding. Silk costs more than the dress
did.
Two weeks prior to the wedding, sister of
groom decides she doesn't like the brides' seating plan and decides
to redo it. She doesn't even KNOW 50% of the guests. I was less than
pleasant when I found out. Original plan reinstituted. One month
prior to the wedding, MOH planned a "Jack and Jill" for
us. Best Man cancelled it, stating that he could get a better, less
expensive hall. He never did.
Five days prior to the wedding, MOH sent
out note cards to EVERYONE on my guest list (attending or not),
which said "In lieu of the shower that was cancelled by the
best man, please mail a check made out to bride's MARRIED name, to
MOH's address. These will be given to the bride and groom to be
spent on their honeymoon. And the person who sent the largest
donation would be presented with a unique, handmade gift. Let's
review how many levels this one note card violated etiquette laws...
1.) Public humiliation of Best Man. 2.) Tacky request for money. 3.)
Many on the list were "courtesy" invitees only. Some
others were living on severely limited income, two persons were
handicapped! 4.) Checks made out to the bride's MARRIED name? Get
real. Takes 2 weeks to get the marriage license to change the name!
5.) MOH lived out of state. 5 days for the USPS to deliver the notes
AND get replies? Have you ever USED the USPS??? 6.) Wedding was on a
Sunday. We were leaving for our honeymoon that night. How were we
supposed to CASH the checks???? 7.) Yay. A crafty little unknown
gift for sending money. (I'm still doing damage control on that one.
People don't seem to understand that not only did we not know she'd
be doing that, we were appalled, but it was too close to the wedding
to raise a fuss over it. Our advice to people was to pretend it
never happened.)
Now, for the wedding: DJ only brought 3
hrs. worth of music. Reception was 5 1/2 hours. Wedding coordinator
changed all organization of the wedding/reception without consulting
with ANYONE in the wedding party, photographer or DJ. We danced to
the wrong songs, cut the cake between salad and entree, and didn't
get to have a reception line. Hall would not allow candles in
centerpieces to be lit unless they were purchased from the hall. MOH
showed up with a fever of 102 and wouldn't go home. I'm a computer
tech. One guest brought a computer to my wedding, hoping I would fix
it. I'd never dreamed I'd be so happy to have my wedding OVER WITH.
Wedhell0419-01
I should have known this wedding was
going to be tacky from the beginning: the bride announced the
engagement to me during the funeral of my fiancé’s beloved
grandmother. There I was, grieving for Gram, and I was expected to
ooh and aah over the engagement ring. I tried to be as enthusiastic
as I could, under the circumstances. When we got the invitation,
they had misspelled both my first *and* last names (a pet peeve with
me), and they had used clear labels to type the recipient's name and
address. It looked unbelievably cheap and cheesy. Of course, the
invitations contained those horrible little registry cards,
announcing where the happy couple was registered.
The groom, my fiancé’s cousin, had
asked my fiancé to be one of his groomsmen, in order to even out
the seven bridesmaids on the bride's side. They're not very close,
but my fiancé agreed anyway. They had planned a Saturday morning
wedding, and the rehearsal was scheduled for Thursday night, so that
"nobody would be hungover at the wedding". Even though it
was extremely inconvenient, my fiancé and I took a couple days off
work and made travel and hotel arrangements in order to be at the
rehearsal. We got there around 6 p.m. and waited, in the sweltering
July heat, for someone to show up and open the church for us. I
think we waited about an hour. Either we were the only people on
time, or we'd been given the wrong time for the rehearsal to start.
Once it got started, I found out that one bridesmaid and the ring
bearer were told they didn't need to come to the rehearsal because
they were from out of town. Helloooo, we were from out of town too!
Nobody told us that we didn't need to be at the rehearsal. To top it
all off, after the rehearsal was over, my fiancé and I were
standing around, wondering about where the rehearsal dinner was (it
was about 8:30 p.m. by this time, and we hadn't eaten since lunch).
Obviously someone else was wondering about it too, because we
overheard the groom say, "We don't have enough money to feed
all you [expletive]'s". There was no rehearsal dinner, no
attendant gift, not even a verbal thank-you to my fiancé for being
a groomsman. My fiancé and I had to go in search of fast food, in
an unfamiliar place, for dinner.
I really question the "not enough
money" remark from the groom, because during the wedding
ceremony they had hired dancers to do an interpretive dance. An
interpretive dance! I've never seen anything quite as ludicrous or
unnecessary. Then, at the reception, everyone was served two
entrees, one of which was prime rib. That prime rib would have been
pretty welcome two nights before! Needless to say, my fiancé and I
left the reception as soon as politely possible and went home.
Wedhell0509-01
As I am preparing for my own wedding I
came across this website. LOVE IT!
Here is my (not really mine but one I experienced) WEDDING FROM HELL
story:
Last summer my future sister-in-law "Joan" was planning
her wedding. My
fiancé’ (bride’s brother) "Jim" was in the wedding. I
was just fine being a
guest when one the girls in the party dropped out at the last
minute. Well, I
was asked to be in the wedding (which was fine) and the dress fit
perfect.
All of a sudden I got a really bad feeling about this wedding, I
didn't know
why but it was there.
So the big day comes everything is going great, we (the wedding
party) got
the "DANCE" that we performed walking down the aisle
perfect during
practice.(the wedding and reception were held in the same place) So
the guest
start filing in, we line up, but wait the minister has not arrived
yet. No
biggie the bride is not sweating yet. He finally show's up about two
minutes
before the ceremony was to begin. So we dance down the aisle to the
selected
music. When the last bridesmaid and groomsman reach the alter it is
the
bride's turn. She stands and waits for the bridal song to begin but
it does
not. See the DJ forgot to bring that song. So she too comes down to
the same
song we did.
The rest off the evening is great,
everybody getting along
great. The food, music, people all great. I begin thinking
"what was I
worried about??" Well, "Tina", the bride's cousin she
has a little too much
to drink (she also was in the wedding) and begins dancing with some
of the
groom's friend's and family a little too seductively. OK, we all
think she
is nasty but deal with it. Well, the last twenty minutes I felt I
had to use
the bathroom. So I go in and when I come out there is a HUGE fight
on the
dance floor. Now mind you I have NEVER EVER been in a fight let
alone been at
a wedding that had a fist fight. So now I know what that bad feeling
was all
about. Well, they get the fight outside and I am ready to leave NOW.
But I
cannot because "Jim" is right smack in the middle. We
finally get him to
leave, his white tux bloody, my white car bloody.
When we regrouped the next
day here is what happened: "Tina" got angry at one of her
"dancing" partners
and she pushed him. He in return hit her. This, all seen by
"Tina's" brother,
"Gary" steps in and hits the guy for hitting his sister.
"Jim" seeing his
closest cousin hit someone, he has to come to "Gary's"
rescue (not really
both of these boy's are big and have a few brawls come there way)
mass
hysteria takes place and everyone is fighting. By the time the fight
reaches
outside there is 20 of the groom's family and 4 of the bride's
family
fighting. Although I DO NOT BELIEVE IN FIGHTING, "Jim" and
the other 3
definitely held their own. Come to find out that one of the groom's
cousin's
(female) brought a knife to the wedding and she thought she was
stabbing "one
of our side's" she actually stabbed her own uncle. He to this
day "doesn't
know who did it" but we all know that is not true because the
police were
involved and he didn't want his niece getting in trouble. Here is a
tip in
case you too are involved with a wedding like this" TUXEDO'S
ARE MACHINE
WASHABLE!!!!!!" Wedhell0528-01
"What's a Nice Bride Suppose to Do
in a Situation like This."
A few years ago I attended the wedding of
a family friend that ran like a fairy tale on acid. The groom was
the pride of the local neighborhood; oldest son, altar boy, Honor
Society, Naval Academy graduate, specialized survival course
training graduate, etc. He was a nice guy though not quite as nice
as everyone thought up until the time of his wedding. Now the family
was Italian and rather comfortable money-wise, so naturally, they
had been planning, and the mother especially had been nagging him to
get married for quite awhile and they expected this wedding to occur
with a great deal of pomp and circumstances (i.e., overblown
spectacle).
Finally, he does get engaged to a woman
he met in Europe. His mother starts pulling out all the stops to
create a lavish affair, dozens of ice sculptures, multiple champagne
fountains, something that, in her own words, "the whole
neighborhood will remember." She wanted to fly to Paris to meet
the bride and look for wedding clothes in designer salons. At one
point her guest list looked like the voter registration roles for
the state of New Jersey.
Then the bride-to-be brought everything
to a screeching halt. It seemed she didn't feel it was appropriate
for her and the groom to have a lavish wedding since she was a
widow. (And she was quite correct on that point). She especially
refused to walk down the aisle in spotless, virgin white with a
train the size of a parachute. The groom's mother ranted and raved
for days, weeks. This was her golden boy, her favorite son (she
didn't use exactly those words, but she came awfully close). They
couldn't just have a simple family celebration with close friends
and a low-keyed atmosphere! They just couldn't!
Well, the groom's mother and the
bride-to-be fought and fought and unfortunately, the bride mostly
caved in. The giant reception was still a go. The champagne
fountains, ice sculptures, tons of flowers were still a go. About
the only thing the poor bride won out on was she still wasn't
walking down the aisle in white with a veil like this was her first
wedding. The day of the wedding arrived and the whole neighborhood
is there. The wedding was a three-ring circus, but well
orchestrated. The bride wore blue. It was a beautiful, but subdued
dress, the kind of dress a well-mannered widow would wear to
remarry. On the whole the bride seemed quiet, very shy, and rather
demure. It was easy to see why they groom's mother had got her way,
but everyone was happy for the couple. The groom was the local hero
and the bride seemed to be the sweet, little widow who was too kind
for her own good.
Then during the receiving line, before
the reception even starts in barges on of the groom's long ago
flings/bed buddies dragging this little kid with her. She marches up
to the bride, shoves the kid in front of her and announces
"Since you got him to marry you. You might as well take his kid
too!" Golden boy apparently had an illegitimate daughter that
was the family secret until now. Needless to say the reception did
not go on as planned. The entire receiving line disappeared into the
back of the catering hall while everyone fiddled with the appetizers
and wondered what was going to happen next. According to people that
went back toward the bride room to find out what was going on, the
demure little bride was screaming bloody murder at the groom in at
least two languages! Finally, she returned to the main reception
room. She took frazzled. I guess she had every right to be. She
picked up the MC's mike and slowly, but evenly thanked everyone who
had come and announced that dinner would be served soon, but there
would be no cutting of the cake or further wedding related events.
She started to leave, but the groom tried to talk to her, along with
a couple of the groom's men. Now the groom and the groomsmen were
all in the Navy and they were all in dress whites, so it looked like
a bunch of polar bears surrounding a blue bird.
Then it really got good. They were over
by the cake and the cake knife which really wasn't a cake knife, but
some sort of sword the groom had picked up in his military travels
and thought would be great to cut the cake with. Everyone could tell
that the bride was growing angrier and angrier. Nobody was eating.
Everyone was watching them. The groom grabs her arm. Remember the
cake sword. She swung it at him! Apparently, he had learned how to
move fast in the Navy. One of the groom's men got between them. He
did get cut, though thankfully, not seriously, but on a white
uniform it looked like guy was bleeding to death. The marriage was
annulled. Wedehll0531-01
My fiancé was to be a groomsman in his
cousin's wedding. His cousin was the groom. The wedding was to be
outdoors at 11:00 a.m. at the bride's family home (a BEAUTIFUL area
on a hill with a grand view.) My fiancé picked up his tux Thursday
night and showed it to me. Silver/gray western cut with yellow
cummerbund and tie. I thought it wasn't the most attractive style or
combination of colors, and the overall effect reminded me vaguely of
something else (I didn't figure it out until later), but I figured
if it made the bride happy, then so what? I knew a tux that early in
the day was a faux pas, but hey, it was her wedding.
As I had to work Friday, I missed the
Friday afternoon rehearsal and met up with my fiancé that night at
the casual, outdoors bar-b-q dinner (also at the bride's house). I
could see that a very pretty gazebo had been built for the ceremony
and many potted plants, trees, and flowers brought in. My fiancé
told me that I was in for a "treat" the next day and that
he could not believe what they planned to do, but he would not
explain what he meant except to start laughing whenever he thought
about it. The wedding site looked very pretty Saturday morning.
White chairs were set up for the guests and white ribbons were
hanging from the gazebo and trees.
As the music started playing, I noticed
that it was all old, southern tunes (Dixie was the only one
missing). There really was a little feeling of antebellum in the
air. The music changed to "My Old Kentucky Home." Then
came the seating of the mothers. First the groom's mother was
escorted to her seat followed closely by the groom's father who wore
the silver/gray western tux but with tails (and from his expression
and posture he seemed to understand that it was far too early to be
dressed that way). She wore a dark, solid green dress with a heavy
brocade jacket and flowing, calf-length skirt. Her only jewelry was
a pair of simple, gold earrings. She was stunning. She, too, looked
a bit sheepish, however. In a moment I found out why.
The bride's mother came next. She was
wearing a solid WHITE, floor-length, hoop-skirted dress that looked
as if it were yanked out of some old movie depicting the Civil War
era -- except hers was much more ornate and had crescent folds (much
like curtain swags) going down the skirt with large, fabric roses at
each upswing of the folds. Her hair was in the BIGGEST, poofy,
helmet style. She had gaudy rings on her fingers and dangling
rhinestones on her ears. She was beaming. I was not the only guest
who gasped. Some whispered, "Oh, my God!"
The groomsmen filed in at the gazebo with
the groom who also wore the silver/gray western style tails tux. My
fiancé caught my eye, smiled, and winked. Suddenly I realized what
the gray and yellow reminded me of…. they were the colors of the
uniforms of confederate soldiers. The music changed again, and (I
swear) the theme song from Gone With the Wind started playing. Down
the aisle came the bridesmaids. Each was wearing a HUGE,
hoop-skirted, floor-length, yellow dress with a broad-brimmed,
yellow, garden party hat and yellow, lace gloves. Their bodices had
the look of sequined tube tops, but their shoulders were covered by
a shawl of yellow organza. All seven swayed down the aisle giving
the full, swinging bell effect to their skirts.
Then came the bride. The bride's gown was
a white, hoop-skirted ordeal that had more ruffles and crystals and
pearls and lace and bows and organza than (in my opinion) are
carried in the average fabric store. Who knows what, if any, pattern
was supposed to be represented on the skirt as there was too much
stuff on it to allow such discernment. The satin train - trimmed in
bows - somehow attached to the waist and made it over the skirt to
flow a good fifteen feet behind the bride. It, too, was overly
decorated with sparkly beads and pearls. The sleeves gave her the
shoulders of a football linebacker while the front plunged so low,
she may as well have been topless. The bride's entire head was
masked by yards and yards of tulle on a crown of white, silk flowers
and rhinestones. How she saw through it all, I still wonder. The
overall effect was of a fairy godmother whose wand had exploded at a
glitter factory.
Her father had to have known that a beer
belly that large should never be allowed to hang out of the cut of a
tails coat, AND that a cummerbund is insufficient to act as a
girdle. By the time this parade had finished, half of the guests
were covering their mouths to stifle their laughs. Unfortunately,
their shaking shoulders gave them away. I kept thinking that there
HAD to be a hidden camera somewhere and that any minute someone
would jump out and say we all were on Candid Camera. The ceremony
had three solos in it (all current love songs) , but otherwise was
fairly short. After the minister pronounced them husband and wife, I
imagined the bride raising her first and crying, "With God as
my witness, I shall never be single again."
One bridesmaid (the bride's brother's
girl friend) stole the moment by swooning (literally back of the
hand on the forehead with knees buckling straight downward ) thus
causing some commotion as three young men came to her rescue and
made her sit down on the front row. We finally heard Dixie as it was
played for the recessional. The word "abundant" does not
do justice to the reception. It was in another section of the yard
(really big area) and spilled into the house. All the waitstaff were
black. County music blared and the keg beer flowed. There was even a
champagne fountain into which someone had tried to pour beer - the
result of which was a large, frothy mess. Many guests got loud and
drunk. Half the guests went wild each time the Cotton-Eyed Joe was
played. Condoms filled with shaving cream and vulgar expressions of
copulation were the main decor for the couple's car. I truly
expected to see the confederate flag flying somewhere. Thankfully it
wasn't. It WAS on the bride's garter, however.
Through it all the groom's poor parents
smiled, but their eyes revealed the discomfort and embarrassment
that was just behind those smiles. I was born, raised, and still
live in a former confederate state, so I am not some
"Yankee" laughing at southern style. This simply was one
of the most "memorable" events I have ever attended.
Wedhell0620-01
Photos! We must
have photos!
My husband and I received an invitation
to a coworker's wedding. The wedding was scheduled for 5:00, with a
reception to follow. We found the site: an old appliance store that
went out of business about six months ago. The store logo was still
painted on the windows, and you could see where the store shelves
had been on the floor. Inside, there were tables set up with no
table covers, and a cleared space apparently meant to be a dance
floor. Thank goodness for the wedding balloons or we wouldn't have
known that was the location.
We get there around 4:30... then it was
5, then 5:30... finally, around 6:30, the bride walks out onto the
makeshift dance floor. There are no aisles, no designated area for
the ceremony. The guests, confused, get up from the tables and go to
the dance floor and kind of stand behind the bride. Meanwhile, the
groom and the JP have been drinking Crown since 5 by the DJ booth
(which had two very tall, very large speaker boxes) . After the JP,
obviously wasted, stumbles through a ceremony, a few guests start
catcalling and making crude requests for the bride kiss. Right after
the kiss, the DJ starts BLASTING music louder than its played at
hard rock concerts... in this area no bigger than 1500 square feet.
We retreated to the far tables to try and recover. By then its 7,
and we are starving... but guess what? No food. The invitations were
tacky enough, with "money tree" and "bring your own
beer" written on them, but you would think there would at least
be cheap chips or something to absorb some of the alcohol. And by
then, alcohol needed to be absorbed. One fight broke out between one
of the couple's children (drunk but definitely under 21) and a
guest. Needless to say, we left soon after... but we heard that the
mixture of liquor and no food produced quite a few disgustingly
drunk people spewing on the nasty linoleum floor. Oh, and no, we
didn't receive a thank you note, but after that experience, you
can't expect one, now, can ya? Wedhell0702-01
I have a friend, Stacie, from
apartment-sharing days of old. Having moved
away from her area we now keep in touch through letters and the
occasional
meeting. She is a large lady with few morals and a strange taste for
exaggerating the truth. To tell you all about my friend Stacie and
the
things she has done would be a whole new story.
I received an invitation from her a couple of years ago, inviting us
to her
wedding blessing. She and her husband Bert had married in Vegas the
week
prior, and this was a ceremony and reception for all her friends and
family
here in UK. My husband and I arrived at the church at 5.30 pm,
expecting the
ceremony to start at 6pm. At 5.45 pm the bride’s side of the
church was full
of guests, the grooms side had one elderly lady and a man who was
incredibly
drunk and groaning. He turned out to be the best man.
Around this time, to our complete
surprise, Winnie the Pooh, Tinkerbell, Mickey Mouse and a dwarf all
came into the church, and walked up and down the aisle, waving and
patting a man's head who was sitting in an aisle seat. They
proceeded to
walk around the church for over half an hour, patting this guy’s
head each
time they went past. After the 10th or so time, the guy stood up,
angrily
and shook his fist at Winnie the Pooh, and basically shouted at him
to quit
patting his head as he was messing his hair.
At this point, the bride's mother and the
bride’s young 2 yr. old daughter arrived. We were pleased as
Stacie and Bert were now very late. The little girl was allowed to
run
around the church as she pleased, and she was screaming, and
laughing and
generally running riot. At 6.30 the bride & groom finally
arrived and a
taped song began to play to announce their walk together down the
aisle. It
was played so quietly we had to strain to hear it. The strange
Disney people
hid at the back of the church, behind the font. As Bert and Stacie
got about
half way down the aisle, Stacie (the bride) suddenly caught sight of
the Disney weirdoes, and yelped with glee, running back up the
aisle, and leaving Bert stranded
there uncomfortably whilst she went to speak to them all and hug
Winnie.
Finally she rejoined her husband and proceeded down the aisle, where
the
vicar asked her to take a seat, insinuating that Stacie was ill.
Throughout
the blessing, the little girl continued running around and screaming
with
laughter, bumping into the vicar and then falling over and screaming
in pain.
Nobody controlled the poor mite and just left her to her own
devices. The
vicar then asked the mother of the bride to do a reading, and she
got up and
produced a piece of paper. We all expected a love poem or a bible
reading.
Wrong. She began telling a speech all about Stacie and what a
terrible child
Stacie had been, and then listed all the bad things Stacie had done
in her
life. It was quite humorous but was incredibly out of place at the
church
and would have been more apt for the post-dinner speeches.
Finally we were all allowed to leave. I
was told en route to the reception dinner that the
Disney characters had been the idea of Stacie's older sister
Sharron. She
had done it as a surprise for Stacie. This seemed to make sense,
since
Stacie and Sharron absolutely hated each other and Sharron was
wearing the
Tinkerbell costume, which was really quite pretty and looked
incredibly
similar to the fairy tale dress that Stacie herself was wearing.
As we entered the reception, Stacie and Bert were already there.
Stacie had
a glass of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other and was
telling a
very rude joke at the top of her voice, which included many, many
expletives
of the worst kind. Hardly the ideal way to greet your guests. My
husband
spotted Bert, a big, shaven headed, tattooed, pierced ear guy,
standing at
the bar so went across to congratulate him. Bert was so drunk he
just
grunted a strange pig-like sound and turned his back on my hubby,
who was
left standing with his hand outstretched in an empty handshake.
I managed to corner Stacie and ask why she had been seated during
the
ceremony. She explained that she had developed food poisoning on the
plane
on the way back from Vegas and had suffered such bad diarrhea that
she could
hardly stand without needing the bathroom. She described it as
'coming out
like a flock of sparrows' which was a little more than I needed to
know. We
went to the buffet and found that each and every dish was meat (I am
vegetarian). The only exception was a broccoli quiche so I had to
make do
with 3 pieces of that. Our table was crammed up against the top of
the
stairs and every time a new guest came into the room, they had to
squeeze
past me and my heavily pregnant frame. There were also little
children
running past, and I was terrified they would fall down the long
staircase.
At the bottom of the stairs I could see a coat rail, and hiding
inside it was
the brides mother. She was drunk and for some reason chose to spend
most of
the evening hiding amongst the jackets. Everyone could see her, it
was an
open staircase and the tables were placed around it, however she
seemed to be
oblivious to the fact she was being observed by everyone, even when
she kept
trying to entice some of the younger male guests inside the coats
with her.
After the meal, Stacie and Bert went to the dance floor and got a
microphone
to make a speech. They thanked all the ushers and asked them to come
forward
to receive their gifts. Each usher shook their hand and took the
gift and
left. But not the best man, who in the light of the dance floor had
an
extremely obvious and recent black eye. He shook Stacie's hand and
grabbed
the microphone from her, and demanded to make a speech. As he is
rather a
large guy nobody argued. He began by saying that Bert was a 'tosser'
and a
'great big tosser' at that. Someone told him there were small kids
around
and he just said, "Oh you all know what a tosser is kids, don't
you?". At
that moment you could hear small voices saying, "Dad, what's
a tosser?'"Then
the best man went on to tell everyone that he had hated Stacie when
he met
her but seeing her and Bert in love he thought she would probably
make a
reasonable wife. However, he said this was on the condition that she
"sorts
her life out" and he then detailed her previous admittance to a
psychiatric
ward with mental problems. Stacie went bright red but he kept on
telling her
she needed to get her head straight. He ended with telling the
mother of the
bride to F*** off, completely out of the blue and with no apparent
reason.
Luckily the bride got the microphone back at this point and we
relaxed a
little, hoping she could save the day. She began by giving a speech
to her
father which went something along the lines of this... "Dad.
You have always
made it clear to me when I was a little girl that nothing I did was
ever good
enough for you. All the time I was growing up I could never do right
in your
eyes. Well I just want to tell you that now I have got Bert, and it
doesn't
matter what I do because he loves me no matter what. And if I do
right by
him, then I do right by you". We all gasped because this
sounded possibly
the most hurtful speech, but Stacie filled up with tears and her dad
ran up
to hug her as though they both thought it was the most meaningful,
touching
speech ever written. Then Stacie's father took the mike, and said,
"Stacie
and Bert will be happy, just as long as all you interfering people
keep out
of their business and stop meddling in their lives". And that
speech got a
huge round of applause, which was completely bizarre.
My husband and I could bear no more, so
we set out into the pouring rain to get in our car. We could hardly
see a thing in the rain as the windows were steaming up, but as
we reversed, my husband shouted at me to hit the brakes. Standing
behind the
car was a limp, soggy figure. We had nearly run over Winnie the
Pooh. We
were glad to get home. If I hadn't witnessed that wedding myself, I
would
swear it was all just a bad dream. And to top it off, I spent the
night curled up in the bathroom as the quiche had been bad.
Wedhell0721-01
My fiancé and I only wanted a simple,
informal ceremony poolside at his parent's home. His family owns a
ranch with cows everywhere, but his father promised he would herd
the cows to the back pasture, out of sight. His sister insisted on
making us a wedding cake even though I kept telling her that I
really didn't want one. We were having a barbecue after the
ceremony, complete with a keg of beer and a DJ. We just wanted
everyone to relax and have a good time and enjoy the pool party. His
sister shows up at the house 2 hours before the wedding with all
this cake, some of it in broken chunks. She tells me that she didn't
have time to frost and decorate it, that if I want it decorated I
will have to do it myself. Well I didn't want the cake to start with
so I just ignored her and the cake. During the ceremony the cows
somehow got through the fence from the back pasture and came up to
the front pasture. While we were exchanging vows one of my FIL’s
bulls and another cow decided to procreate, so they were going at
it, loudly.
Then as the food is being put on the
table my sister-in-law throws a fit because I didn't do anything
with the cake she labored and slaved over so she brings it out and
plops it right down in the center of the table and starts running
her mouth to anyone that will listen. Then the 16 year old daughter
of my in-laws best friends gets drunk and starts coming on to my new
husband. She was being extremely lewd, embarrassing to everyone that
wasn't blind, so we had to kick her out. Her mother gets mad and
starts cussing me out, so I threw her out too. My husband and I have
been married now for 10 years and this kind of stuff happens every
time we visit with his family. I guess that's what I get for
marrying a guy whose family is inbred, just wish I'd have known that
then. Wedhell0721-01
A few years ago my aunt was to be the MOH
at her best friend’s wedding who we'll call 'Edna'. You could tell
offhand that things weren't going to be extremely classy when my
aunt described to us what the bridesmaids dresses were going to look
like, black silk on the top with maroon velvet on the bottom. The
color scheme itself was no biggie, but the style of the actual dress
was a harken back to the 80's, poofy frou frou sleeves and all.
Needless to say we dismissed Edna's bad taste in that she hadn't had
much time to plan the wedding and had been under so much stress from
her disapproving parents since she was to wed the son of old family
enemies. Talk about starting off on the wrong foot. To top it off
Edna had just turned 18 and her future husband was 26.
Before you knew it the day of the wedding
arrived. The ceremony was a typical Catholic one, and when it was
finally over, we headed off to the reception anticipating some good
food from the caterers who we knew personally. When we arrived at
the hall, it was already full from guests who had skipped the
ceremony or those who had left early to grab a seat I suppose. There
were no indicators as to where one should sit, and the long tables
and folding chairs that were provided were sticky from a previous
reception, not to mention there was absolutely no decorations other
than red paper table covers. I knew Edna was not very rich, so I
didn't mind the lack of luster so much as the events to follow.
Being that Edna's family as well as her now husband’s family were
old enemies, their families were split between the hall, not even so
much as exchanging looks. Since no one was hired to serve the
guests, Edna's in-laws did the serving. We looked on as trays of
full plates were passed on to all the guests of the groom, not once,
but twice, and then three times, leaving guests of the bride, with
absolutely nothing. We were lucky to have even received a cup of
water, in a Dixie cup no less.
I didn't care that they were serving the
food on paper plates, or that my chair had gum on it, I, along with
the other of the brides guests, were damn hungry, and her in-laws,
purposely served every single bite of food to their side of the
family, leaving everyone else with a growling stomach and a dry
mouth. To top it off there was no air conditioning, children ran
amuck screaming, people were already drunk beyond belief, the cash
bar had spilt liquor letting it run onto the floor, the band was
late, the DJ played one song a million times, and Edna's in-laws
refused to speak with her parents or siblings. Edna and her husband
didn't speak to each other all night, they didn't even bother to
apologize to the people who didn't get any food, instead they
ordered buckets of KFC and pizza, about 3 hours later, for those
poor guests. By that time I had left with my family to eat a nice
dinner else where, and returned for the dancing, or should I say,
the elbow to elbow sway. At the end of the night the bride was in
tears because she had gotten her period, the groom had gotten into 2
fights, there was no security so the cops had to be called, people
came who weren't invited, and 2 weeks later the couple honeymooned
at a Best Western, in the same town they lived in, having fought the
whole time. Three months later they divorced. I never got a thank
you, no favor, no food, only a Dixie cup with water, and some bad
memories. In a lot of ways I felt sorry for Edna, she was young and
naive, but boy was that the worst wedding I have ever been to. Talk
about nuts. Wedhell0812-01
Ken and Sharon had begun their courtship
May of last year... by September, true love prevailed and they were
engaged. They hand delivered the wedding invitations made on their
home computer with a telephone number as an RSVP contact, so it
seemed to my fiancé and I, as well as everyone invited, that this
was to be a casual event - which made sense as this was the groom's
third marriage and the bride's second. We received said invitation
in mid-October; the wedding was to be in mid-November, in the
evening. With this in mind, my fiancé and I chose to wear nice
suits, just to be on the safe side. We then find that the happy
couple are registered at several stores in the area - we oblige, and
purchase items specifically off of their registry.
Two weekends prior to the wedding, I find
through conversation with the couple that no one has thrown the
couple a shower, or even had a party in their honor, so as my fiancé
and I are good friends with the groom, we throw the couple a shower
and invite several guests for a party for the couple, and also
purchase another gift off of their registry.
The day of the wedding, we call a friend
who is already at the site helping set up the decor. The
"caterer" - the girlfriend of yet another friend - has not
shown up, but the food (unprepared) is already there. "Not to
worry," the friend replied, "She said she'd be here
shortly." We arrive 30 minutes before the ceremony is to begin,
and there is no caterer... only food and supplies piled on a back
table. I jump up, and start setting everything up as NO ONE HAS SET
ANYTHING UP - fixing sandwiches, recruiting people left and right to
cut vegetables, set tables, heating up the side dishes... for 100
people. The wedding was to start at 7:00pm. Since the reception was
in the same room as the ceremony, we were all (guests, mind you, not
hired help) trying to hurry as quickly as possible in setting
everything up. Other guests arriving late began grumbling at us, and
one actually asked me the name of the catering company I had so they
would never use my services! The embarrassed look on that man's face
when I told him that I was simply a guest helping out the couple as
the caterer had yet to arrive was priceless.
Finally, around 8:15pm, the wedding
began. The DJ had forgotten to bring the power supply, so the
processional was to the tune of the bride's dress *whisking* on the
tile. (I had to elbow my fiancé and a few male friends to NOT hum
the wedding march.) Around 8:30, the caterer finally arrives three
sheets to the wind; my fiancé runs outside to help bring in the
wedding cake that she had made at home - we find that she (the
caterer) had DROPPED the cake and it had cracked all over it. A few
more guests came to the rescue, salvaged what was left, and covered
it in flowers. Speaking of being covered, my fiancé was covered in
chicken grease as the caterer had thrust a tray of chicken into his
arms and it splattered all over his suit.
Throughout the whole ordeal - yes, at
this point it had become an ordeal and not a wedding... no, it was
the Titanic of weddings! - the couple was in shock. My fiancé and I
left shortly thereafter as it was a one hour drive back home, and we
needed to have a drink to recuperate... and also rethink our
decision to have a wedding as well. The clincher of it all, to me,
anyway, is that the couple never invited us over to their home
afterwards and never thanked us for anything. I mean, I am not a
petty person, but I grew up differently (maybe etiquette is
different here in the Deep South?). When my now husband and I
married six months later, we received an RSVP from them that they
would be attending, of which, of course, they no-showed with no
explanation or excuse whatsoever. Wedhell1023-01
A friend of mine had asked me to be a
bridesmaid in her August wedding. I accepted of course! I think
maybe I should have gotten a clue when she took me to the store to
get the dress... it was this slip - literally. Every single body
flaw could be seen. Still, I kept my mouth shut & went to look
for some Body Shapers...
During the months that followed, my
friend would tell me stories about her mother and how she just took
off out of state (twice!) when she told my friend that she would
help her with the wedding. So, it was just the bride & groom
(occasionally) planning this wedding. Fast forward to the wedding
day. I get to the place early to help set up, only to find out it's
a family campground. Ok, fine. There were people milling about that
had nothing to do with the wedding, I think some of them were the
Missing Link, because they sure were missing teeth... I literally
spent the whole morning decorating the altar (outside) with
streamers & plastic tablecloths that the bride bought for
decorations. She had to rent chairs, and only got 20 - there were
over 50 people invited!
The reception area was absolutely
disgusting, we spent the remainder of the time before the wedding
scrubbing tables down - while her mother - who decided she should
come back to the state, stood by and complained the whole time that
we weren't doing it the way SHE wanted it done. Then - we get
dressed. It is 10 minutes before the ceremony is supposed to start,
and her mother is sitting outside having a cigarette, NOT EVEN IN
HER DRESS, telling anyone who will listen how disorganized and
selfish her daughter is because SHE OFFERED her help but my friend
wouldn't take it, look at the mess, etc etc. She also didn't wear
her teeth (don't ask...) I was getting madder & madder by the
minute.
Well, it's finally time to walk down the
aisle, and the ring bearer is missing. So my friend sends his father
to find him, he comes back with the child - his tux covered in mud.
We finally get down the aisle & take our places. It's probably
100 degrees out, and we're all drenched in sweat in our already too
revealing dresses. They do their vows, and I casually look over my
shoulder - only to see 3 rednecks walking around with live iguanas
and snakes on their shoulders. This all went on while campers were
driving their motorcycles up & down the road. So the ceremony is
finally over and we are standing around waiting to be announced.
Groomsmen are wandering off, my friend's
mother is whining because she can't smoke inside... the food was
TERRIBLE (people had to cook), and I spent the rest of the reception
cleaning up after guests because I sure wasn't going to let my
friend do it on her wedding day. There were no garbage bags, so I
asked my friend's mother if she knew where any would be kept
(because she's a regular at this campground). She told me to go
check her trailer... like I knew where that was... when I asked her
where the trailer she was renting was, she flipped out on me and
said she was a MEMBER there and she had her OWN trailer. Excuse me..
and you're PROUD of this? I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning
up as much as I could while her mother stood there and complained. I
finally left it all to her mother, then came to find out later that
she called me every name in the book (to her daughter) because I
didn't help. I had a nice drink when I got home that night.
Wedhell1109-11
The wedding/reception was a modest
affair, everything taking place at a local hotel. The odd part was
that she had picked a song by Depeche Mode called "I Want You
Now" for her processional. I wasn't familiar with the song
until that day, when I realized that the first 30 seconds or so of
it consists of heavy sighs and moaning. The hotel banquet room was
very short (10 rows of chairs or so), so she proceeded to the sole
sounds of these moans. She got to the front just before the lyrics
began, so then everyone sat there as the not-terribly deep lyrics of
the first couple of versus played, culminating in the phrase "I
want you now" before the tape was loudly and abruptly clicked
off. Wedhell0111-01
I went to a horrible wedding last
November. A uncle of the bride's was the photographer, and since
they had a horse drawn carriage, he was thoughtful enough to take a
picture of the horse's crap in the middle of the street. The
cafeteria style buffet had food slopped upon a plate which has
handed to the guests. Being a vegetarian, I was unable to eat
anything on the plate except the rubbery green beans. Besides the
styrofoam bowl of lettuce that we were served with little packets of
dressing which we had to share that tackiest part of the wedding
involved the bride's mother and the men's bathroom. You see, she was
upset about the marriage and she had placed pictures of the bride
and her husband in the urinals so the male guests could piss on
them. It was a horrible wedding that both sides did not want to
happen. Those were just some of the more memorable moments.
Wedhell0128-01
I'm dreading the wedding I'm about to
attend. My brother-in-law is getting married this weekend, and we're
going to have to drive eight hours to another country to attend the
ceremony. As such, the crumbling status of the event is causing us
more than a little stress, particularly since my husband is a
groomsman. I present my case:
Exhibit 1: There was a bridal shower in
January. I, wife of the groom's brother, found out last week. No
invites, no notices, nothing.
Exhibit 2: Rehearsal and rehearsal
dinner? Did we actually want to know when it was? Mind you, it's my
husband's parents that are throwing the rehearsal dinner, and he
talks to them every single week at the same time, same day. As with
the bridal shower, there were no invites, no notices, not so much as
a casual mention. If I hadn't hounded my husband to ask about it so
I'd know how many dressy outfits I needed to pack, we'd never have
known until we arrived. Excuse me, haven't they heard of
invitations? Or are groomsmen now considered optional attendees in
the rehearsal process?
Exhibit 3: Six+ months ago, our friend
who works at a tuxedo store measured my husband for his tuxedo for
this wedding. He'd been told to send the groom the measurements by X
date so they could turn them into the store they were using (not my
friend's chain). Last week (notice a trend here?) we get a call from
the groom. They changed their plans and tossed/lost the original set
of measurements, so now, my husband is getting fitted for his tuxedo
the day before the wedding. We still don't know where. The wedding
is three days away. Most tuxedo stores can do very little with this
short of a notice.
Exhibit 4: There's "something"
going on the day after the wedding. The groom isn't sure what or
where or when, but it's something to do with the bride's mother, and
we should "plan" on attending. Maybe her house, he's not
sure.
Exhibit 5: We got a phone call last night
from the groom. By the way, could we bring two bottles of vodka for
the bar at the reception? I was tempted to ask if I should bring the
cake, too, just in case.
Exhibit 6: Do not even get me started on
the wedding invitations. No stamp on the RSVP (but at least there
was one). No directions to the wedding or reception. The card isn't
even a card, it's a piece of semi-artsy paper. Not cardboard or
cardstock...paper, with a sheet of hand cut vellum over it. And not
charmingly handmade either; it's sloppily hand cut. You can see the
cutting guidelines. Looks like they used the wrong type of printer
to print them, too, because the ink is flaking off. And it's all
tied together with a bow that won't stay tied. Wish me luck. Will
report in from the other side of this glorious event. Wedhell0620-01
Dear Jeanne- My entire wedding was such a
disaster that it is still too painful for me to relate it all. While
I think it should be under "Weddings from Hell," breaking
it down into different categories keeps me from getting hysterical
again, and protects the guilty. Here goes:
Guests from hell: 1. My parents
"adopted" a grandchild in the adopt-a-grandchild program
at their church. She is the only grandchild, and the light of their
life. Before the wedding, we thought that we were all very close.
The mother of the flower girl decided - the morning of the wedding -
that work was more important. She blew off attending, no call, no
notice no nothing. My wedding just wasn't convenient, but,
apparently, having a crying, little girl in her very public place of
business is. 2. As it so happens, I am very devout and had a
religious wedding. I am not, however, Christian. Two of our wedding
guests were, and they strongly disapproved of our religious beliefs.
They saw the wedding as a key opportunity to minister to us. The
present they gave us was a plaque stating that only Protestant
marriages are successful. They gave us a nice, religious card - but
handwrote a note inside that only a Christian marriage is a real
marriage. During the middle of the reception, they changed clothes
in the bathroom to jeans and T-shirts, and left half an hour into
the two hour reception. When I saw them leaving, I said, "Oh,
what's happened?" thinking they had spilled punch on their
clothes, or something. They told me that they had to get out of
there, because my wedding was sooo long (not a quickie 15 minute
Protestant thing.) Then, they launched into a little speech about
how we must invite God into the marriage, or we are doomed to hell.
What did they think that hour wedding was all about? 3. Our wedding
site forbade us from having anything thrown - rice, birdseed,
anything. We thought no one would notice. They didn't. A guest took
one look at our favors - blanched almonds - and announced to the
rest of the guests, "Oh, hey, they want us to throw
THESE." Some guests started to throw them during the reception,
not even waiting for "the getaway." There is a lovely
picture of me being hit in the head with almonds. Other guests were
eating them, including a little girl who shouted to everyone else,
"These are STALE!" Her mother said, "No, honey,
they're just blanched. You're only used to roasted and salted."
She kept telling guests, "These are STALE!" over and over
again. This convinced the remaining guests that they weren't to be
eaten, but to throw them. So, as we left, we were pelted with
almonds. Not only were they painful (little pointed edges,) but the
clean-up crew spent hours on their hands and knees after the
reception picking them all up. 4. No one had told me that my father
had served jail time for physically assaulting (not sexual) one of
his students during class. My family didn't want to upset me just
before my wedding. I only wish they had. During the reception, he
started to "massage" one of my brand new nieces' shoulders
and upper chest over her clothes. Although several guests were
watching in horror, one of them had the foresight to snap a
photograph. I am only thankful that my mother stopped him before he
went any further. I may never speak to that monster again.
Wicked Witches or Just Plain Tacky: 1.
When I told my father that I was engaged, his immediate response
was, "Well, I'll have to find a date for the wedding!" He
had recently divorced his fifth wife, and was seeing a few women. I
told him that I was sure whomever he chose was lovely, and that I'd
really love to meet her on my next visit, but that my wedding wasn't
the best time to do so. So, he married one of the women. The first
chance that I had to meet her was at the dinner the night before the
wedding. She was wearing all black, so I didn't notice the black
support for the cast on her leg. However, it was much easier to
notice the next day, because it was contrasted by her white, beaded
gown. I couldn't help but notice, since she was the only woman
wearing white in the room. I wore a simple, platinum dress,
according to my religious tradition - white, beaded gowns being
inappropriate, even for the bride.
Attendants from Hell: We invited a
beloved, elderly aunt to our wedding. She is so important to us that
we chose a special, padded chair for her comfort, located up front
so she could see everything easily. Unfortunately, we chose two
young "laid back" men as ushers. They didn't put any
cushions on any of the regular chairs. They didn't seat anyone until
ten minutes before the ceremony, forcing everyone to stand outside.
What they did do was tell everyone I was being "uptight"
and that "SHE wants us to take all the cameras away." I
didn't decide that; cameras are forbidden in my place of worship.
Then, they let everyone seat themselves. Of course, someone else
took the reserved chair, forcing our dear aunt to sit in last
remaining space - the children's bench. Jeanne, that's all I can
stand to submit. Believe it or not, it gets worse, much worse. May
these trolls feels the flames of etiquette hell forever!
Wedhell1207-01
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