Etiquette Hell = Where the ill-mannered deserve to go


Main Page/Home

The Faux Pas Archives
Wedding Etiquette

Bridesmaids and Beastmen
Bridal Showers
Bridezillas and Groomonsters
Faux Pas of the Year
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme
Guests From Hell
Tacky Invitations
Wedding Rugrats
Just Plain Tacky
Tacky Toasts
Thank You Notes From Hell
Tacky Vendors
Wedding From Hell
Wicked Witches of the Wedding
Perfect Bride
Bridesmaid Dress Incinerator



Everyday Etiquette

Baby Showers
The Dating Game
Ooops! Foot in Mouth Disease
Funeral Etiquette
Gimme Hell
Holiday Hell
Just Plain Tacky
It's all Relatives
Every Day RugRats
Road Rage

Business Etiquette

Bad Business Etiquette
Merchants of Etiquette Hell
Bad Bosses

Faux Pas of the Year




Press Room/Contact


Gimme Gimme

1999 Archive
Jan-Jun 2000 Archive
Jul-Dec 2000 Archive 1
Jul-Dec 2000 Archive 2
Jan-Dec 2001 Archive
2002 Archive


I am a wedding coordinator. I was recently approached by a bride who is seeking a corporate sponsor for her wedding, so that she can have the wedding of her dreams. Her parents are unable to help as much as she would like and she is between jobs, but cutting back on her ideas isn't an option at this point.

It was about 2 years ago now. My husband's cousin was getting married. He nor his bride to be were fond of holding steady jobs, so they didn't have much money. This didn't stop them from trying to throw an all out wedding celebration. Since they do not have many friends, he asked my husband to be the best man. They had grown up together and used to be close, but have drifted apart over the years. He graciously accepted, thinking it was the least he could do for his own family. He went through the motions - rented the tuxedo and was informed that the bride's sister (MOH) wanted to throw a "Jack and Jill" shower for the happy couple. Instead of buying gifts, we were to purchase tickets to the event for $17/pp. This would cover food and also contribute to the 'gift'. We happily obliged figuring that we got off easy. Woops, being that my husband was part of the wedding party, he should split the cost of the hall for the 'shower'. This was $150. Still, not a tragedy. We got our invitation and noticed that the response was not stamped. At Thanksgiving dinner, the bride informed us that she knew we were coming, so she didn't want to waste the stamp. 

Fast forward to the wedding, which of course, included a dollar dance - afterward, the groom sat at the head table and counted his money. We gave them a cash gift and happily went on our way, thanking God that the whole event was over. The bride proceeded to take the next 3 months off so she could 'relax' after the wedding. Months went by and we often wondered if our Thank you got lost in the mail. We had seen the couple at family functions and nothing was ever mentioned. We would have thought that by having 3 months off to relax, the bride would have plenty of time to write out Thank you cards, after all, there were only about 75 people at the wedding, not hundreds, but no. I've always heard that etiquette says you have up to one year to send Thank You cards... ok, I accept that, but never knew anyone to ever take that long. Low and behold, one week before their first anniversary we received a Thank You card... the kind you get from CVS in a pack of 8 with some hokey pre printed Thank you sentiment. The card was not personally addressed to us, nor did it have a personal note. At the bottom was only - Love, M&J. I have never been so appalled. My husband accepted all of his duties as Best Man, bit his tongue and smiled throughout the whole event and not even a personal note! I guess we're supposed to be flattered that they sprung for the stamp!     Gimmie0122-03

My next-door-neighbor decided he was in love. Not only in love, but in love with a girl I had known for years, whose parents I had been friends with for years. We'll call her Lori. Lori and her intended were very happy, but very poor. She and "Dick" worked for the same company and both lost their jobs a couple of months before the wedding when the company went under. Ignoring the fact that they had no savings and nothing to live on Lori proceeded to put a deposit on a 900.00 wedding gown and registered for fine china, crystal and silver at one of areas finer dept. stores. (Mind you, these two were living in a cracker-box of a house, eating from paper and plastic plates and didn't even own two matching drinking glasses.) 

Two days before the wedding, Lori came crying to me that she had no dress to wear for her wedding. Her mother offered her the use of her dress, but the mother is much larger than the daughter and Lori simply swam in the dress. There was no way to make it right. So, sucker that I am, I offered her the use of my gown, which I had had cleaned and neatly boxed after my wedding. I told her how important my gown was to me and she promised to take care of it. (You can see this one coming, can't you). 

Forward to the wedding. It is beautiful. The groom looks handsome in his tux, the bride is elegant in my dress. Everything goes off without a hitch. Then off to the reception at the home of the bride and groom. Everyone is having a good time and Lori has a couple of beers. They open presents, she comments on each one. Mostly the usual "how nice" type thing. Until she opens one gift, stares at it, then pronounces loudly, "Well, there's one for the yard sale!" I'm sure the giver was aghast, as were the rest of the guests. 

From there she proceeded to get drunk. She kept tripping over the long ribbons on the dress (she's shorter than I am), so I suggested that it might be more convenient if she changed into something that was easier for her to get around in. She stared at me blankly then took off. A few feet away she tripped again, reached around, grabbed the offending ribbons and ripped them off. She had another beer. I had another try at getting her out of my dress. She lit a cigarette and flicked the ashes onto the lace, tiny holes began to appear. I finally appealed to the groom to save my dress and went home. I couldn't bear to watch. The dress was returned the next day, smelling to beer. I did what I could, had it cleaned and returned it to its box. Maybe it was a portent of things to come. The marriage broke up after a few weeks. My husband left me and moved to the other side of the country a few months later. (Our kids were cramping his style.) She and he are now married. May they live happily ever after. If I had thought of it, I could have sent them the dress to more time.     Gimmie0129-03

My sister was getting married for the second time. My dad threw her a beautiful wedding the first time, but was not going to do it again. It all started when my sister kept calling the house to demand that my grandmother give her her inheritance. My grandmother asked her why and my sister just said, "I need it, I want my $15,000". My grandmother told her no and that the inheritance was to be divided between me and my sister after she passed away and after the funeral expenses were taken care of. My sister still did not want to hear it. She said, "what expenses? You already bought your plot when grandpa died". She called 3 times a day to hassle my grandmother. She did this for about a month. 

Finally my grandmother gave in and gave my sister her inheritance. I guess my grandmother felt that sending my sister a check for $15,000 was well worth not having to hear her nag everyday. A few months later, my sister announced her wedding date. Kind of ironic? We were not excited about this wedding at all because we do not particularly care for her husband. When she announced that his sister was MOH, my mother threw a fit and told her that if she did not make me (her sister) MOH, then she shouldn't plan on seeing anyone from our side of the family at her wedding. So, I then became the MOH. The wedding was absolutely beautiful, the food was great, and everyone had a good time. My parents were staying at her house to baby-sit the kids while they went on their honeymoon. 

In that time, my mother also stumbled across papers and receipts of the wedding costs which came to $15,000! My mom and my dad did not give my sister and her new husband cash in an envelope. Instead they bought them a beautiful Armani statue of a bride and groom. My father searched for the piece to make sure that even the hair color matched that of my sister and her husband. When my sister returned from her honeymoon she yelled at my mother that she doesn't like Armani and that she collects Swavorski Crystal. My mom explained that Armani is also a collectable and in years to come that statue would be worth much more than her crappy crystal. She then told my mother, "I WANTED CASH". My mom was shocked and could not believe that this ungrateful person standing in front of her came from her womb. 

After this incident, the relationship between my parents and my sister weakened. Also, when my grandmother passed on, she left the funeral early because she had to meet her husband and the kids who were on vacation. Needless to say, I suppose it would have been a tragedy if their vacation dare be interrupted by our grandmother's funeral. Also, the expenses were costly and when it was all taken care of, there wasn't anything left for me. Technically there was $15,000 which should have been divided, but my sister had already spent it on her wedding.


While this won't make it onto your website as the listing will be long gone in a short while, thought you might be interested in seeing this creative scheme to raise funding for a wedding. I suppose she could be commended for offering some trinket, though dubious in value, for the donation but it's quite a stretch. Gimmie0206-03

It is no secret that I am not popular with my in-laws. I am quite outspoken. I see it as a trade off.

With that said, though I commit a lot of verbal faux pas, my sister and brother in law seem to have made the mother of all wedding faux pas. Perhaps not the worst this site has seen, but for a group of people so willing to criticize me, they should be more mindful.

A little background: my husband D. and I have been together for six years now, living together for almost five-and-a-half years (we wed on my birthday, November 11th 2001). My brother in law, E., and his now wife K. have been together about four or five years (they married the January following our wedding). When D. and I announced our wedding plans (two years ahead of time), I decided to have K. as my MOH. While dress shopping with me, she said she wanted to be married the January after us.  I was not thrilled with this, since K. and E. seem to get a bulk of the attention from my in-laws and I just did not want my wedding to be overshadowed (and it still was).   Reigning and ruling over the calendar is a bridal no-no!

My wedding to D. would be a small affair as I have no family and my MIL and FIL are divorced and my FIL and SMIL aren't very generous with us and it was unfair to ask anything of my MIL (who paid for our wedding mostly, anyway). So everything is going fine. Then, suddenly in September, K. gets pregnant.

What makes this interesting is that she was on birth control and is, shall we say, medically paranoid. She said she did not know antibiotics caused the pill to fail. I find this hard to believe because we go to the same OB-GYN who tells me every year when he rewrites my RX that antibiotics make the pill fail. Fine. Another odd thing is that she knew a couple weeks into it, as if she had been waiting. Fine.

So now they are getting married the January after us (surprise surprise). Her parents are throwing this insanely huge shotgun bash complete with over 200 guests blah blah blah. On the invites they mentioned the pregnancy. Now it was my understanding having to get married (or at least having to move their wedding plans up almost two years) was not something to be proud over. But the way her family was reacting, you would have thought she won the lottery. I guess in their eyes she had since E. made well over 60k right out of college and K. always wanted to be a housewife.

Now, like I said, she is my MOH. In her wedding, there are parts for everything. I did not get one. Not a reading, not a candle, nothing. They even made my husband an usher and not best man (D. was E.'s best man, I understand it was their wedding, but he choose some friend over his own brother...)

So her plans are running over mine like mad, they said, out of respect, they would keep things quiet, but it seems it wasn't overshadowing our wedding they were worried about.

On November 18th, they eloped, so K. could get insurance. They kept that a secret only the immediate family knew about. It was a secret because K. had a wedding shower with more then 100 women there and that huge wedding.

They collected enough gifts to help buy a house, all the while, never telling anyone when K. walked down the isle with her myriad bridesmaids to her Rabbi and Priest, they were already married.


This is the opposite of the Gimme stories. When my husband and I were married ten years ago we started out with very little. I had lived on my own for a with mismatched items. My husband had just moved out of his parent's house and had nothing but his clothes and computer. We didn't register anywhere but we did mention that we would enjoy some matched sheets and some matched dinnerware. His grandparents gave us his great-grandmothers old sheets and towels and some old dishes from her house. We were supposed to be grateful for this! I'm not talking beautiful ornate items either but plain, old, used sheets! 


Ok, I'm not really sure where this story will fit on you site, but it needs to be told. I have a story of how not to behave toward those helping out with your wedding. I recently got married and at the time there were several other people I worked with who were also getting married. This resulted in many wedding comparisons at work. There was one girl who was getting married two months after my husband and I did. She asked me if she could purchase some of our leftover wedding supplies to help cut her costs. These items included about fifty yards of tulle, silk flowers, ribbons, candles, and she also asked if she could borrow my crinoline. She was having trouble finding a crinoline in her size. I had bought one for my wedding and was planning on selling it anyway but I agreed to rent it to her, since her and I are the same size. We set a price for the crinoline and the rest of the items. I brought all these items to her house and was told that she would bring me a check the next time we worked together. Weeks go by and I still haven't received payment. 

Then comes the invitations. She claims that she can't invite very many people from work so I don't get an invitation. Not a big deal for me because I never considered myself to be very close to her but then I find out she invited fifty people from work. I also thought it would be the least she could do since she still hasn't paid me for my things. Her wedding date comes closer. My wedding pictures are in so I bring them in to show to some coworkers. She is looking at them with another person and I walk away for a few moments. As I'm leaving, I overhear her say that I looked fat in my dress. This hurt my feelings a lot because I had lost a significant amount before my wedding and even had to have the dress brought in a little. I decide to blow it off, thinking that she's probably having a bad day and knowing how it is to be a stressed out bride. 

A week later, just a few days before her wedding, I bring her a card and a cash gift of $20 from my husband and I. I thought this would be helpful for her and her future husband because they are both students and she has been saying how hard it's been for them to pay for the wedding and such. I still haven't received payment from her for all the things I gave her. Her wedding comes and goes, she comes back to work and brings me a box filled with my flowers and my crinoline and nothing else. "Oh, we used the rest of the stuff but I decided to bring you this stuff back because I decided I don't want to pay you," she says as she hands it back to me. Then she starts to gush about her wedding and reception with the sit down dinner for 250 people that her parents paid for and the new house that her husband and her just built. Funny, she could afford all those things but not pay me $100 we agreed to for about $300 of merchandise.


 We had our local Wedding from Hell in September 2001. A local jewelry store gives away a free wedding each year as part of an annual wedding show that they sponsor. The winning bride was 33, this was her 3rd marriage. She had sons aged 14, 12, and 7. This was the groom's second marriage and he had a 4 year old daughter. As part of the rules of the wedding, it must be held on the last Saturday in September at the location of the couple's choice. Everything is provided for 100 guests except the location, tables, chairs, linens if needed. That way, the couple can personalize the event by choosing a favorite location or having the wedding in a back yard, etc. 

This bride was hard to work with from the beginning. She didn't like the food being provided, but she didn't want to pay to add to it. She complained about the cake. She got mad at the limousine company because they refused to provide an additional hour at no charge. It reached the point that they withdrew and gave her money. The couple had purchased their rings at the jewelry store before the contest, so they were given a refund, making the rings free and giving them more than enough money to cover the cost of renting a facility and any additional items that they might need or want. Instead, they used the money to make the down payment on a new car, leaving them with nothing to cover any additional wedding costs. The photographer who was donating his services owned a large Victorian home with a big yard, so he also donated the use of it, leaving the bride and groom responsible only for tables, chairs, and linens. 

Two weeks before the wedding the bride called and said that the caterer, from whom she was getting the tables, chairs, and linens, had sent a bill for $425 and the groom told her to cancel the items. I reminded her that she needed those things if she expected her guests to have a place to sit or to eat. She said that he refused to pay for anything, so the items were cancelled. At the rehearsal, the groom's sister arrived, saying that her brother was in a foul mood. The bride said she would take care of that. It turns out that the groom never wanted a wedding. He simply wanted to get married quietly. However, the bride had never had a wedding and figured this was her last chance to be Cinderella. (The gown she chose even looked like Cinderella's ball gown.) She took him out behind the hedge and proceeded to scream at him loudly enough that everyone in the area could hear. Naturally, he gave in and the rehearsal went on as planned, though only about half of the wedding party attended. 

On the wedding day, everything went wrong that could. The couple continued to argue throughout the day. The groom's father arrived with a pick-up load of chairs and tables that he had secured from a church and he and the groom set them up. The bride was late arriving from her hair appointment, so they had less than 30 minutes for photos. The soloist left her music at home and had to go back for it, arriving just before the ceremony started. 

After the ceremony, during the quick reception, the groom's mother and the matron of honor went to the trash and retrieved the boxes (long, narrow plastic ones) in which the florist had delivered the flowers. They started removing food from the buffet in a furtive manner when the catering staff wasn't looking. The DJ informed the caterer of what they were doing and my daughter informed them of the state health regulations that prohibit keeping certain types of food that have been setting at room temperature. They continued to take as much food as the containers would hold, then someone obtained a cooler and they placed more food in it. 

This wedding occurred two weeks after Sept. 11. One of the things that the couple won was a 3 night 4 day trip to Disneyland for their honeymoon. As part of the package, they had to stay over on a Saturday night. The groom made the travel arrangements. Because he didn't want a wedding to begin with, he arranged for a 4:30 flight on the day of the wedding, a Saturday. The ceremony was originally scheduled for 3 p.m. and the invitations were printed with that time. The bride countered by bumping up the ceremony to 1 p.m. To everyone's relief, they had to leave the wedding shortly after 2:30 to get to the airport and clear security. Would you believe that they are still married. The bride has difficulty holding a job (wonder why), so she has been visiting the jewelry store a couple of times a week insisting that they give her a job. This situation was enough to cause the jewelry store and their attorney to tighten some of the regulations concerning the free wedding. Fortunately, other winners have been much more grateful.

A couple of years ago, my younger brother was getting married for a second time. He and his bride-to-be, Carrie, worked hard for several months to have a nice wedding. Well, about two weeks before the wedding I was shocked to receive a computer flyer from Carrie's mother. It seems the Maid of Honor, the bride's sister, didn't have time for a bridal shower (she'd had months of time) but that since Carrie really deserved one (she did, she's a real sweet person) they were going to set up an extra table at the wedding reception, where we could leave shower gifts. I was shocked! I called my other sister-in-law to see if she had received the flyer. She had. We were actually supposed to bring two gifts to the wedding! Which I did for Carrie's sake, but I still thought it was poor taste.


My great friend from business school and her husband chose to get married in a country in Europe where she is from. So this story started with a $700 airfare... no big problem as I would have had to fly across the country if she had been married where they live anyway. I was asked to be something called the master of ceremonies - not just the public speaking role that it is in the US, but in that country it means doing much much more. In essence, I was an unpaid wedding planner. I had to arrive a few days early, help do the seating charts, write every place card, and help organize the flowers, get all the details of the reception so I could oversee everything. And then on the day, I was expected to do all sorts of things such as put out the place cards, check over the reception venue to make sure the flowers were just so, move the crowd from the cocktails to the seated area, try to tie the busy bride and groom down on a song to dance to (they never chose and the band, with a poor grasp of English, chose a sweet, slow song - the words.... "Are we really happy here in this lonely game we play" - Masquerade. Oops!), start the speeches and give one of them - it was a lot of work, but pretty fun. 

What peeved me though is that the MOH was put up at their expense in the nice hotel that everyone except me was at. I was earning very little (read: nothing - I had just started as a freelance writer) at the time. They knew that I had booked a cheap flop house in town and never offered to pay for a hotel room for me - despite the $700 airfare and the days of unpaid labor that meant I needed more nights there than anyone else - to add some context, the bride and groom's earned about $350,000/year between them at the time and bride has a $3 million trust that an aunt left for her - they are not hurting for cash. 

Then came the gift. The bride had picked a china that is $350 a setting. I could afford one small plate at my $80 - $100 budget. Bride then suggested I buy a tablecloth ($250!) and I said no, I wanted something tangible that would last. The MOH and I finally decided to give some very expensive crystal - gorgeous stuff that's $40- $50 a glass - it was what they chose and we figured we could afford two glasses each - and who needs more than four cut crystal brandy snifters anyway? So when the bride finally (8 months after wedding) chose the crystal design she wanted, I mentioned that MOH and I had order them the four snifters. Bridezilla had the nerve to reply "Oh, that's not much. Perhaps you can get us matching lowball glasses too." We're still friends, but it irks me to this day that someone with so much can be so unaware of how greedy she sounded.


A cousin of mine with whom I never have been close -- no personal issues, really, our families really just never interacted very much -- met her hubby to be in Paris in September 2000, was pregnant by November and married at City Hall in early December. (In between, the dear did find the spare time to register with numerous high-end NYC stores and at least six national chains.) These li'l details were disclosed to only a select few of us who began receiving invitations to the couple's "Engagement Party" on December 16th, Bridal Shower on January 27, 2001, "Wedding" on February 16th, Baby Shower on May 12th and baby's Christening bash on August 11th.

 I managed to get off the gravy train before their Anniversary Party, the invitations for each of which contained the helpful hint that they had "updated" their registries at certain retailers. While I don't begrudge a first baby all the gifts and provisions in the world, I have a real problem with adults who have maintained their own households for decades using their marriage as the basis for a series of appliance upgrades. Fast forward when two other cousins got pregnant in 2001/2: my tacky cousin never showed up for any of their showers and failed to even send gifts. The only hope I hold out for her poor daughter is that her dad seemed on various occasions a little embarrassed by all the largesse!


I am a student, working on an incredibly grueling program that leaves very, very little time for much of anything during the school year. (this becomes relevant in about 2 minutes.)

Several months ago, I was invited to the wedding of my friend, "Evan". Evan is supposed to be a groomsman in my upcoming wedding, and he is important to me, so I was determined to attend the event. Just a couple of weeks earlier, I was a participant in another wedding, in another state. Both of these weddings took place smack in the middle of a school semester, when my time is *extremely* limited. However, I was determined to attend both weddings to support my friends in their newly married state. 

The first wedding went off without any problems. However, the second wedding was getting to be tight on time. I *truly* did not have the time to attend but it was clearly important to my friend that I do so. About a month before the event I ask Evan what he would like as a gift, since I had not heard of any registry being set up. He tells me that all they really want is cash, "to make up for what we are going to be spending on the wedding". All I can think of (but don't say) is "You aren't spending anything on the wedding-- her parents are paying for it." But I just say okay, because really, I have no problems with people who would prefer cash vs. merchandise. I just found it a bit off-putting that he would gauge what he and his new bride "should" be getting based on something they aren't paying for in the first place. Whatever, it's not my milky way. 

When I had received the invitation, I read it carefully. At NO time did it mention anything about the wedding being formal. So I went out and bought a new dress to wear to the wedding. It was very pretty, but it was by no means a formal gown. Six days before the wedding, I just happened to be talking to Evan and he casually mentions to me that the wedding is formal! Oh boy. So much for my dress. Okay... No problem. I can handle this. I explain that I have two formal gowns in my closet. In fact, one is brand new. I tell him it is a red gown and ask him if that's a problem. He says actually, it is. That since his intended is Chinese, that she will change into a red gown at the reception. Okay. I can handle that. I also have a black gown. Is that okay? "Well yeah, I guess so, but it's really not black tie, so black isn't great..." I then spend the next week FRANTICALLY trying to find a gown that will suit everyone concerned, for a reasonable price, in the middle of a school semester that can only be described as hell on earth. I am stealing time from every spare moment to try to find something that he would deem appropriate. About 3 days before the wedding, I find one that would be lovely, in a navy blue. The problem is it's almost 300 dollars and I just didn't have it to spend that week on a dress. Finally, I decide to put the blue gown on layaway for another time, but that Evan is just going to have to content himself with my black gown because if he had written something on the invitations about it being formal or even *told* me, I would have been happy to have taken care of this a month earlier. 

So I go to the wedding as planned wearing the black gown. All seems to go smoothly, though I must admit the bride's family did not seem all that pleased at the event. The church was some distance from the reception hall, and at the valet parking, I neglected to remove the card (in which I had put a check) from the car. I didn't realize I had forgotten it until some time later in the reception, when I immediately went to Evan and told him I was terribly sorry, but I had forgotten his card in the car and since I couldn't get the car back out just for the card, I would gladly send it to him later. No problem. Or so I thought.

 Immediately after the wedding, Evan and his new wife went to Europe on their honeymoon. I spoke to him while he was there, and got their mailing address for the card. I never sent it because I didn't want to send a card with a check in to the house when I knew no one was going to be at home to receive it, and I didn't know who, if anyone was picking up their mail. I decide to wait on sending it out until I know that they have returned from their trip. Right around then was when final exams hit. Finals around here is like living in a tornado. I don't even find time to do *laundry* until they are over, and they take precedence over every other event during the couple of weeks they are going on. The card got buried under my desk and to be honest I forgot about it for the duration of finals. 

Cut to: Right after final exams, my fiancé of three years and I decide enough is enough and we are going to whip together a nice, fun celebration for our wedding at the end of July. Since we have been buying here and there various necessary items over the three years, it is not as bad as one might think. I email Evan and ask if the wedding date we had chosen would be a problem. I was fully prepared in case he simply could not accommodate our schedule, as we understand that our friends have busy lives of their own. What I was *not* prepared for was the response I got to the email. Though he replied that the date was no problem, he proceeded to basically accuse me of lying about *ever having wrote them a check*. He went on to say "you should have just told us you were broke and left it at that." I was horrified! I had *told* him what had happened to the card, and I had told him the truth. When I (rightfully) laid into him for what he had said, he began to furiously backpedal, stating that the real problem was he never got the *card* (sure. that's exactly why he went on for two paragraphs about the *check*), and that he was embarrassed because he had told his new wife that a card would be coming. I replied to him that I was sure he didn't marry a shallow, unintelligent woman and that as such, I was certain that she perfectly understood that sometimes things in life happen and things don't always work out exactly as we would like (to deny that she had any other reaction by that point would have meant that he was saying that she *was* a shallow, unintelligent woman.). I told him at that point (still, I was quite angry) that I had the card, still sealed in the original envelope, and would he like a webcam shot to prove it? I stated I was putting it in a mailing envelope right now and I would even include another check in case this one was too long past to be cashed. Then I mailed it. Would anyone like to take bets on whether or not they try to cash both checks?

Love the website - give us more updates!!! My husband and I have been invited to a wedding of a couple we've been out with for dinner/dancing a few times. They are nice people, and I was looking forward to browsing through their wedding register online to select just the right gift to be delivered to their home - convenient for me and for the couple. However, I went to their wedding website to find their registry, and was confused when the major department store registry had only three items - a $6 ice cream scoop, a $99 silver candy dish, and a sheet set (price not included, not available online). So, back to the wedding website to check out the other "registry". It was called a "honeymoon registry" and maybe you are familiar with this concept. Their registry contains a few graphics and wording to the effect of "we are offering you an alternative to the traditional wedding registry", and inviting you to select any of the listed items from the couple's honeymoon trip registry. You can select from a long list of items to help pay for the ten-day trip to three separate islands in the South Pacific. You can pay for their airfare, one (or more) night stay at each of the three resort hotels, an eel feeding trip, a day of sightseeing, champagne at each location, honeymoon breakfasts, lunches and dinners, shark feeding excursions, and even drinks and relaxation on the beach... They have the whole trip itinerary covered. Instructions on this website indicate that "if you would like purchase a gift for them, please email (email address removed) with the item number and quantity you would like to purchase. After receiving your email indicating your interest, you will then receive an email with the address for where to send the gift money. They (I assume "they" is the wedding couple) will be notified via email." I'm not sure what we'll do yet. I wasn't planning to send them cash, but don't really see a way around that. That ice cream scoop would be such a practical gift though..... ;)


I am a reporter for a small town newspaper, and we actually received a press release inviting the media to cover a wedding shower as a newsworthy event! The bride-to-be works in public relations, so maybe that's how this horrible faux pas got started. It sounds like a joke, but it was sent to the newspaper through the normal channels and appeared to be a legitimate press release. The press release described the "distinctive wedding shower ritual" that was said to be common in our small town: the bride registers for gifts at local stores, and the store personnel deliver them to the home of the hostess the day before the shower. (Amazing!) On the day of the shower, invited guests (usually about 400, according to the release) tour the hostess' home to view the gifts, which are tastefully displayed in appropriate locations throughout the home.

The release also claimed that, in addition to the invited guests, "folks who just want to participate" also buy gifts "for couples they often have never met." The press release gave phone numbers for the bride and her supervisor at the public relations firm and invited media representatives to call if they wanted to cover the shower. This bride is not a celebrity by any definition of the word; she's just somebody marrying a local boy. Needless to say, we won't be sending a reporter and photographer to cover this celebration of a giant ego.


A family I grew up with has 2 children - a guy & a girl. When the guy got married about 10 years ago, we knew the family had etiquette problems from the beginning. No one was invited to the wedding - it was a private ceremony. But everyone was invited to the reception and asked to bring a dish to pass! This summer when the girl got married, we should have expected something interesting - well, we got it. First, the invitations included a little slip of paper that read "Your presence is enough of a present for us" (I've seen that part, but the next part is what gets me) "If you wish to contribute to our future happiness, a monetary gift would be appreciated.    Gimmie0614-03

This couple (we'll call them George and Martha) had at least 4 showers, all of which my husband and I (or at least, our credit cards) were asked to attend. But since George is one of my husband's friends from college, we sucked it up, waved goodbye to a month's worth of carefree Saturday afternoons and gave a generous gift for each shower (we never received any thank-you notes). 

Finally, the much-ballyhooed wedding day arrived. We bought a final gift off their registry, glad to have that money drain over with. The invitation announced that the formal ceremony at 5 p.m. would be immediately followed by a reception with dancing. dinner at the dinnertime reception. This would have been fine, had they warned us in the invitation (e.g., "cocktail reception to follow"), but no one gave us any heads-up and everyone had just assumed they’d serve dinner at an evening reception. We, along with about 200 other ravenous guests, had to try to make a meal out of cheese, crackers, and vegetable crudités while the bride and groom swanned around, SNAPPING testily at guests (apparently, the stress had gotten to them).

 After the band announced the last dance, there was a mass exodus to the nearest pizza parlor. The kicker: My husband and I got married shortly after this. (I am proud to report that we did not snap at a single guest.) George and Martha never gave us any gift. Not even a card. (But then, perhaps they cannot read or write...this WOULD explain the continued absence of thank-you notes.) And now, as their union approaches the one-year mark, they spend their time wondering loudly and frequently what we, their friends, will all do to celebrate their anniversary. And what presents they'd like to get at their upcoming housewarming party. I feel a re-gift coming on... Apparently, they have their own gravitation field and the world revolves around them.

I was invited to a wedding shower, both the bride and the groom were a bit older and had been married before and both have children. We were surprised to find out they were even having a wedding shower, since they were very established already and typically a wedding shower is to help a young bride and groom get started. Anyway, we were even more shocked to find they had registered for new bedding and room décor for their children on their wedding registry! Everyone I spoke to about it was appalled as well.     Gimmie0723-03

It is now late July, 2003. "Bonnie" and "Clyde" are coworkers of mine, who had been cohabiting for at least a year at the time of their February 2003 wedding. I was invited to, and attended, the bachelor party, and my wife and I were invited to, and attended the wedding. It was a tasteful affair, but appeared to be a little more extravagant than was warranted by the couple's means. 

In any event, a couple of days ago, I announced to these, as well as a couple of other coworkers that I had interviewed for a new job, which would require me to move about 3000 miles away. Clyde said "Before you go, I want my gift." I asked him what he was talking about. Clyde said that they had never received a gift from us. I assured him that he had. He insisted that they had matched a card to every gift they had received, and that ours was missing. He then went on to tell me that he had had his mother take a list of everyone that had not yet given a gift, and ask them, at the reception, "The kids would like to know what you gave them, because they want to be sure to thank you." This, he explained, was not to obtain the information requested, since they had positively identified all of the gifts, and their recipients, but to remind anyone that had not yet given that they should do so. 

I asked if they had registered at Target (a friend of mine had gotten married the same month, and we had shopped for both couples at the same time), as I was trying to recall exactly what we had purchased. He laughed, and said "Oh no ... we registered at Bloomindales." I told him that it was possible, since we were literally in the process of moving at the time of their wedding, that their gift had gotten misplaced, and was perhaps under my bed, or otherwise overlooked. He said "I hope so, for your sake, because all that is left on the list is the really expensive stuff." (Yes, they had registered for Waterford Crystal, etc; their registry is worthy of another entry alone). I was utterly in shock at this point (initially, I had thought him to be joking), and said "Well, I can check my credit card statements and see if there are any purchases from Bloomindales" (we normally don't shop there, so any purchase would have been their gift). His Reply? "Yeah, do that; I would like to see that." 

Another employee, who sits by Bonnie, overheard part of the conversation, and said that Clyde then went to Bonnie's desk, and told her that "[He] told [Me] that [He] wanted [Their] gift before [I] moved." Her response? "Yeaahhhh, that's right!" My sister suggested that I purchase a gift for them, specifically "Miss Manners Big Ass Book of Etiquette" ... perhaps a link to your site would suffice :) Bonnie and Clyde had been living together for quite some time prior to tying the knot; at least a year (much longer, I believe). Clyde was previously married, and attended the bachelor party (splitting the cost, to the tune of $150 out of pocket for myself). By various standards, they should not have felt entitled to a gift; However, I am *certain* that we gave anyway ... (But no longer care to confirm it; In fact, I hope that I do find the gift overlooked at my home; maybe I can return it!)