Weddings
From Hell
The Whole Thing from start to
finish is a disaster
2000 Archive
2001 Archive
I have within the last couple of years started my own
wedding cake business. In order to get started & get exposure I was giving wedding
cakes as my gift to the couple. A good friend that I had worked with for a couple of years
was getting married & I asked her if I could make her cake for her. She was delighted!
As the wedding approached I asked her if she had thought of what type of cake she might
want. She asked me if I could do a forest scene with deer drinking from a creek. I thought
she was joking & I laughed at the idea...she was not. Well, I finally talked her out
of that cake & she decided on a beautiful basket weave three tiered square cake with
gold dusted poinsettias & a huge bow as a topper. I made the cake & it was
gorgeous! I took the cake to the reception site (a shop/garage) & when I walked in the
first thing I saw was a Christmas tree (no lights or decorations...just the bare tree)
suspended with twine upside down from the ceiling. As I began to look around there was a
pig cooking, a keg of beer, and deserts (Sara Lee) from the grocery store still in the
freezer package. Needless to say my cake was a little out of place! I was in such shock
that I forgot to take a picture of the cake. I called her a few months later to see if she
would send me a picture to put in my portfolio. They didn't even take a picture of the
cake. She said she might have one with the cake in the background that I could have blown
up! To top it all off I never got a thank you note, not even a phone call to tell me thank
you the cake was great. I would now charge $500 for that cake. Wedhell0115-02
I was a senior in college, and a girl, Nancy, who was in my sorority, and who was
several years younger than me, got engaged. Her fiancé was quite a bit older than her, by
about 10-15 years, I think. Her mother was very opposed to the wedding. This girl did not
have any "real" friends. She was nice enough, but sort of an awkward and shy
girl, so it wasn't easy for her to make friends. If you tried to be her friend, she got
really clingy and over-attached, which usually caused people to then run away from her. So
she ended up asking me and three other sorority sisters to be her bridesmaids. We all had
been the nicest to her, and sort of reluctantly agreed because we felt bad for her. She
asked her "big sister" in the sorority to be her Maid of Honor. This girl also
wasn't really close with Nancy. Nancy decided to have her grandmother make the bridesmaid
dresses, so we all met at a fabric shop to get measured by her grandmother at the same
time they were purchasing the fabric (pink). Her grandmother says it's ok to just measure
us over our clothes, as she'll just use these for the pattern and we'll have another
fitting later to tailor the dresses to us. Her grandmother proceeds to comment on all of
our figures as she measures us. She told me I had the biggest hips and ought to be wearing
"misses" sizes now. (I think I was a size 8 or 10).
She commented on how small another girl's breasts were. We were all humiliated. As it gets
closer to the wedding, I don't hear much about it. I don't think there was ever a
rehearsal or rehearsal dinner (if there was I have banished it from my memory). We never
had another fitting with the grandmother; instead, Nancy brought us the
"finished" bridesmaid dresses the DAY OF THE WEDDING, right when we needed to
get dressed. She had been repeatedly assuring us that her grandmother was a
"master" seamstress and it would be fine. We showed up at the church and got our
dresses, all of which were totally the wrong sizes, with most of them hanging off of us
about 2 sizes too big. They were pink, with a dropped waist, sort of an 1890s "gay
90s" ice cream parlor girl style it's hard to describe. Luckily, they had sashes, so
we could all try to bind them to our bodies as much as possible. One girl's dress was
literally hanging off her shoulders and we tried to find ways to pin it.
Nancy did not notice any of this. Why? Because she was busy fighting with her mother,
who still, the day of the wedding, did not want her to marry the groom. Nancy stood there
in her gown and veil, SOBBING, while the bridesmaids who barely knew her stood around
uncomfortably and her mother was in the room refusing to speak to Nancy. Nancy stared at
her mother, crying, while her mother refused to acknowledge her. This went on until time
for the wedding to start. We grabbed our flowers and were told where approximately to
stand and headed down the aisle hoping our dresses didn't fall off. Nancy came down the
aisle, still crying. She and the groom stood at the front (I don't recall anyone giving
the bride away but I could be wrong) and exchanged vows, which Nancy stopped crying long
enough to do, and then the minister announced that a girl Nancy knew would sing a song.
The song was "Wind Beneath My Wings" and it was dedicated, not to the groom, but
to the bride's MOTHER. The girl sang, and Nancy turned to face her mother, who sat stonily
in the front pew with no expression while Nancy sobbed throughout the entire song. The
groom seemed nonplussed the entire time. After the song, Nancy and the groom were
pronounced man and wife and we all scampered up the aisle. We stayed at the reception for
the shortest amount of time considered polite and bolted. I'm sure there was picture
taking and cake cutting and rice-throwing, but I don't remember any of it.
Wedhell0208-02
Hello! First, I must say that I love your page, and am thrilled to see an update. I
have a story about a wedding that I attended the summer that I graduated high school, for
a very close friend of mine. I had gone over to her town the week before the wedding to
help out with last minute details, only to find that nothing had been done! None of the
decorations were made, some on the invitations hadn't been sent, and very little of the
shopping had been done. Needless to say, myself and the Bride's sister were very busy
during the next week, trying to finish everything that still needed to be done. At the
time, there were nearly 40 people staying in an apartment that was made to hold 5 people,
6 at the most. There was no space to move, much less sleep. I spent two nights sleeping on
the dining room table, because it was the only free space left that was big enough to lie
down in. There was already someone in the bathtub, and 4 people sharing the couch,
somehow.
A few days before the wedding, the bride asked me that, for a last minute favor, could
I possibly play the piano in the church as the guests were coming in and being seated. I
was honored, and agreed. She said that I should only have to play for 15, 20 minutes at
the most. The day of the wedding arrived, and I sat down at the piano to play. As I neared
the end of the last song that I had prepared, there was still no sign of my replacement. I
continued to play, believing that there had been some sort of unavoidable delay. I came to
the end of the second repetition of songs, and there was still no sign that the wedding
was beginning. I then began playing other songs, ones that I was not entirely prepared to
play, but still could manage well enough. I realized, when I began running out of music
entirely that something was going very, very wrong.
At this point, I couldn't remember anymore songs, and began making something up as I
went along. I looked up, at the clock, and noticed that instead of playing for no more
than 20 minutes, I had been up there for nearly 2 hours! Finally, my replacement decided
that I looked like I was ready to be done (I was), and took over. Finally, the wedding
began. Except for the late start, everything went fine. When the wedding was over, I asked
the MOH what had gone on, and why everything was so late. It turns out that the bride
remembered that she had forgotten completely about food for the reception, and had sent
her parents and the MOH out to get some. They had to go to nearly every grocery store in
the area, buying up all the meat and cheese, fruit and vegetable platters, crackers,
punch, and other assorted things they could find. Of course the wedding couldn't start
without the bride's family. Despite this, I am still close friends with the bride and her
family. Wedhell0211-02
My husband owns a small business and we are often invited to his employees' special
events. Joe has worked for my husband for about a year; we had never met his girlfriend,
Cherie. They had been living together for several years and she had 2 teenage daughters
from a previous marriage - but it would be Joe's first wedding.
First the invitation - a single invite was put up on the bulletin board at work - no
RSVP except a note to "just tell Joe" if we planned on attending. The wedding
would be held outdoors at Noon in the gazebo at a small city park. We arrived about 15
minutes early and were among the first there. Slowly guests trickled in - until about 100
of us were standing around. No one from either family or the bridal party was anywhere to
be seen. Around 12:30 a car pulled up and Joe and his father got out - they made the
rounds stating, "We're running a little late." At 1 PM 2 cars arrived full of
Cherie, her daughters, plus Grandma, the maid of honor and a couple of screaming 3 year
old flower girl/ring bearers.
Now, Cherie and the 2 teenagers are all beyond plus-sized which is okay except - of
course they were dressed in the worst possible attire - Cherie in full bridal white plus
full veil and the girls in pale lavender - all tight sheath-style too short, sleeveless
and low cut - I expected Jerry Springer to hop out of the bushes any minute. After
arranging themselves into some order, the best man started a tape of the Wedding March on
a boombox - and at that exact moment a rock band started playing REALLY LOUDLY - it seems
the convenience store right next to the park (just a few hundred feet away) had a Grand
Opening Celebration scheduled for that afternoon complete with live band, clowns, and hot
dogs! After a little confusion - the Groom to be and Best Man walked over and asked the
band to stop playing for 10 minutes so the wedding could proceed. They obliged - and the
bridal party started up the "aisle" once again.
At this time, I noticed there was no officiant present! Grandma walked up the gazebo
steps and proceeded to ask the couple if they wanted to be married - they each answered
"I do", at which time Grandma said, "Okay, you two are now married."
That was it - I thought, well, maybe Grandma is a minister - but, no - turns out they had
forgotten to schedule the minister and he had a funeral booked that afternoon so they had
been married in his office early that morning! Most of the guests walked over and got a
hot dog - the rock band was actually pretty good. We skipped the reception. I heard from
the grapevine it was interesting and included a cake fight and several loud arguments.
Sorry I missed it....NOT! Wedhell0525-02
My now husband, John, had remained friends with an ex of his from high school, Jenny. I
was fine with this, and actually looked forward to meeting her, and possibly becoming
friends. Well, the first time I met her, I had a feeling this wouldn't be possible. She
asked us to come over one evening and spent the time letting me know how good of friends
she was with John, telling me all sorts of stories that seemed fishy (she was stretching
the truth considerably). Not long after this meeting, John spoke with Jenny on the phone
and she proceeded to yell at him for flaunting me to her. She told him that she didn't
flaunt every guy she dated to him, he shouldn't do the same. He gently let her know that
we were serious and he had every intention of marrying me. They were very good friends, so
this was unexpected, although she was single at the time, and lamenting it.
A few months later, John and I were engaged. About one month later, Jenny called to let
John know she was also engaged, and they would be married in about 8 months. John and
Jenny spoke a couple of times in between, and she would give him tips for cutting costs at
our wedding. As the date neared, we received our wedding invitation from the couple. It
was addressed to John only. I assumed I wasn't invited, and figured that she may not have
been fully comfortable with me, and I accepted that. John opened the invitation, which was
computer printed on stationery folded in thirds (which was fine, everyone has different
budgets and tastes), but it was sealed with a sticker proclaiming where they were
registered. The invitation had the itinerary for the big day, including the ceremony (to
be held outdoors in a park), the "BBQ" immediately following, and later a
reception with hors d'ouevres and dancing. It also noted that if additional parking was
needed, to park across the street from the park at the hardware store. The RSVP card came
with an envelope, no stamp, and said to send it in or to call in the RSVP.
Well, John spoke to Jenny on the phone later the same day and told her he would be
coming, and he asked if I was invited (I didn't want him to, I thought it would be akin to
inviting myself). She told him of course I was, it is always assumed that one brings a
guest (I'd never heard that one before) and besides, she couldn't remember my name. Just
before the wedding, John gets a call from Jenny wondering if he was coming. He reminded
her that he spoke to her the day we received the invitation. She responded that she
thought he could have at least shelled out for a stamp. (If it was that important to
receive the cards, why did she give the option to call in and not provide a stamp), he
apologized, and RSVP'd a second time, letting her know we would be at the ceremony and the
later reception, but wouldn't be able to make the BBQ, as his Aunt was in from out of town
for the day, and we promised her we'd have dinner with her (we see her once a year if
we're lucky due to the distance).
The day of the wedding, we get dressed, John in a shirt, slacks and tie, and I in a
nice dress (sleeveless, but dressy enough for a wedding). We drove to the park, and
realized we were cutting it close for the ceremony. We arrive at the park and discover
there are only ten spaces. So we head to park at the hardware store. We then have to walk
across that parking lot, through a small field, a gas station lot, across the street, and
all the way through the park (it was a large park, there were several other parties also
taking place that day), it had just rained so it was fun to navigate in dress shoes. We
get to the park a few minutes after the start time of the ceremony (we realized we should
have been earlier, and felt badly).
We got nervous when we saw half the wedding party in the parking lot, and wondered if
we had missed the wedding entirely or if we ha gotten the time wrong. We continue through
the park, and run into the brides young daughter and a woman who is sort of a surrogate
grandmother to the little girl (long story). We ask if we missed it, and she told us that
the bride hadn't yet arrived, but to take a seat. We get to the ceremony area, and looking
at the other guests, realize we are over dressed. We wait, sitting in the sun (it was
windy at least so that helped the heat). Nearly an hour later, the bride shows up.
The entire ceremony including processional and recessional took less than 8 minutes,
and we couldn't hear anything because it was so windy and there was no PA system, but the
party coming back down the aisle was the clue that it was over. We headed through the
receiving line, and booked back for dinner (with the delay, we were running late) then had
to book back to the hotel where the reception was. We were half an hour late for the start
time on the invitations, but hoped that we didn't miss anything important. When we
arrived, the bridal party had not yet arrived, so we looked for a table to sit at. We
didn't know anyone, so after depositing our gifts, we sat at an empty table and waited.
There were appetizers, but we couldn't eat until the bridal party arrived. The band had a
keyboard demo running for background music, and the bar was open. We opted not to get
drinks, as we wanted to wait to have something to eat first.
The wedding party arrived about 2 hours after the start of the reception, and it was
announced that we could finally eat. We went up to see what the options were (we were
hungry again by this time). There were chicken wings that were cold and congealed,
meatballs, also cold and congealed, and some veggies and chips. We opted for the veggies
and chips, as meat that had been left out for over 2 hours seemed too chancy. We sat
eating the snacks, and eventually the band began to play the first dance song. We couldn't
understand what they were playing (it just sounded like noise). We waited for the
unceremonious cake cutting, the best man (who had half changed, so he was wearing his tux
shirt with sweatpants that had been cut off into shorts and flip flops) came around
afterwards to let us know we could go get some cake. We had our cake, then found the bride
to congratulate her and bid her a good night (we'd hoped to at least dance, but this was
difficult without anything recognizable as music).
Interestingly enough, when John and I got married the following year, Jenny and her
husband replied to our invitation that they were coming. They didn't show up. however,
when my parents went to our place after our reception (they stayed with us as they live
out of town), they did find a small gift from them in our door. We still don't know why
they didn't come. It's too bad, we were hoping to show them how guests should be
treated... Wedhell0319-02
My friend Audrey, asked me and few other good friends of ours to be in her wedding, to
Tony, a man she met off the internet. We said yes because she was a good friend, and even
though she had not known her intended for very long, they had about a year and a half to
plan the wedding, so we figured that since she was planning on her wedding in her home
town, that it would be fine.
About 4 wks. later, Audrey announced to everyone that after she was done with school in 3
mos., she was moving to the town where her fiancé lived, which was a few states away. She
reassured everyone, that she would still have the wedding in her home town, and would keep
us up to date on everything. I knew this was the beginning of the worst, but my best
friend, bless her heart, who was the MOH of Audrey, kept telling me that it would all be
ok.
We will fast forward to 7 mos before the wedding when we were all clued in by an E-MAIL
from Audrey that she was going to have to have the wedding in the home town of her
fiancé. From there on out, she did all her correspondence by email, since phoning was too
expensive. How nice. This was at least a thousand mile trip round way, and not many of us
could afford to fly, since we were all barely out of college, so this was now going to be
very expensive. Our dresses were bought on a day she was back in town, which she
overloaded everyone with dumb information, (and kept the important stuff for emails when
she left), our shoes were white and the dresses were really dark and this was a
summer wedding. She informed us that she blocked rooms at a local hotel, noting that it
was the only hotel in the town, and our hair would be done at a very expensive salon, on
top of the gas, and etc. I asked her one night, if it would be possible for her to pay for
our gas, since we were all carpooling just to elevate the expense. She agreed, and said
that would be our gift from her. I thanked her, allot, and was very pleased with this at
least, because it ends up being allot of money. And then she asked us to rent a car so we
would not have any car problems. Yeah.
Fast forwarding to the trip to the wedding, the majority of us were the wedding party,
about 4 in the same car for a 8 hour drive. We started out at about 5 am, since that night
was the rehearsal, and none of us could afford to take off work the day before, and we
would be there by 4pm to start rehearsing. We got there early, checked in to the hotel,
which was gross and horrible nasty, but to our surprise, we saw a much nicer, and CHEAPER
hotel NEXT DOOR! We were so tired from the trip, that we just unloaded and went to the
church, since it was 10 minutes to 4, but realized there was no reason to rush, since
there was no one but us, for about an hour. The church was tiny, and the minister was no
where. Audrey came in with everyone else at about 5pm, and said hi , turned around and
left. We were standing there smiling and not aware of where she went. She came back and
was upset because she could not find the minister. We waited while her fiancé Tony,
called a few people, and 30 mins. later, he showed up saying that he thought it was for
6pm.
We rehearsed 10 TIMES because her parents were worried we never developed any brains in
our heads, and that since this tiny church was so enormous, we would get lost going down
the isle. We just kept our mouths shut, and the minister was the one who finally said that
it was enough. What a joke.
We were told that the dinner was held at a local activity center, and all of us offered
our services for help. No one knew who we were, and told us to get lost, and they were
just at the rehearsal. We went to sit down, and the dinner consisted of hot dogs cooked on
a grill. We were starving! We waited until the gifts, so we could get the gas for the ride
home the next day. WRONG! We got instead lovely travel bottles of scented soap and lotion
in a small basket. This set me off. I told her we were leaving, and we would see her in
the morning, where she told me that we should be ready to go for hair by 7 am. The Wedding
was at 2pm. We were hostile. I asked her how the wedding plans came along, since they had
about a year to get this all ready, and it seemed like they planned it all last week. She
just cracked a small smile and said that it would be better than our weddings. What?? None
of us were married yet, except one, and she had a beautiful wedding, a far cry from this
one so far. The rest of the night, we laughed and joked about everything, just so we could
get it off our chests.
The next day we were up and ready at 7 am. She did not show up for us until 8 am. We got
to the salon that was 45 min. away, and cost about $ 80.00 a head. It took about 3 hrs. to
get the 7 of us done. We picked up fast food on the way back, and got to the hotel to get
ready, and while we started to undress, loud knocking on the door came, and everyone
including the Mother of the Bride, and aunts were suddenly there to get Audrey and
THEMSELVES ready in OUR one ROOM! WHAT?? There was 15 women, and one bathroom! Gross.
We finally got though that ordeal, and got to the church. Tony and his guys showed up 20
mins. after us. We waited to be cued.. The ceremony was fine, we did well to the surprise
of her parents I think, and it lasted 45 mins, which I was surprised for a small non-
catholic church, but oh well.
We got to the reception which was held at a public facilities hall, and was set up very
nicely. However, disaster was just around the corner. The DJ took up half the room, and it
was not that big to begin with. It was a buffet, that consisted of corn spooned out of the
can, and ham, and boxed potatoes, because we watched them do it as we waited, and cans of
soda, or juice. After dinner we all got a piece of cake, and then half the room cleared
out to go smoke, leaving just the few of us that came together. I went out to
"Pretend" to smoke only to over hear that everyone thought we were stuck up, and
just there to look better than the bride, because we got her very expensive gifts, and we
came all that way, and must have allot of money. WHAT??
After that, the groom's friends put some cans and other removable and non damaging things
to the bumper of the car, to which Audrey and Tony both screamed at them for, causing most
of them to leave, and the best man to clean it up. I told my other friends we were
leaving, and we told her we were going home early. I asked her for our gas money, to which
she said she had nothing, and I said" thanks, thanks for nothing." and we all
left. She never sent a thank you for our gifts, or anything. None of us talk to her
anymore, because for $50.00 of gas. We spent at least $500.00 for the dress, the shoes,
splitting the travel and lodging and hair along with the gifts. For anyone planning a
wedding, you either put up your attendants if your wedding is out of town, or pay for
their travel. Don't lose any friends. Wedhell0329-02
Traditionally, the bride or her
family pays for the wedding attendants' accommodations if they are from out of town.
Travel expenses are traditionally the responsibility of the attendants.
This one's kinda long because a LOT of things happened at this wedding. A few years ago
I was in my cousin's wedding (let's call her Joan). From the start it seemed like this
wedding was doomed. Firstly, Joan assured us that she was choosing bridesmaid's dresses
that we could wear again. No problem! $200 later and I now have a bright purple, off the
shoulder chiffon dress with the standard butt bow and a material rose smack between the
cleavage. The dresses were done the DAY BEFORE the wedding in the wrong color material and
a slightly altered style. Also, the bride's sister who was in the bridal party was 8 1/2
months pregnant. She couldn't wear a bra as it was off the shoulder, so everything was
sagging an her enormous belly was sticking out. But not big deal. I love my cousin, I'll
wear a potato sack if it makes her happy. Joan's parents had contributed NOTHING to the
wedding, since they were broke from throwing her pregnant sister a sad shot-gun wedding
only a couple of months before.
The day of the rehearsal comes. Now the bride and groom have decided on two separate
receptions. Joan comes from a religious family and Frank (her groom) does not. So the meal
and toasts will be held in the basement of the church with no alcohol. Then later, we all
go to another hall for the dance/booze. After the rehearsal all of the bridal party gets
ready to decorate the church basement. No good. There's some kind of meeting going on and
we can't get in there to decorate until almost 11pm at night! Of course, the groom and his
posse have to leave at midnight, so us girls were there until 1am decorating. So much for
any kind of rehearsal dinner.
We get back to Joan's house and are getting ready for bed when she comes crying out of the
back bedroom. Joan didn't bother going to the doctor to get any kind of birth control
pills so, on the night before her wedding, she gets visited by her "monthly"
friend. We assure her that everything will be ok. The next morning we all go to get our
hair done, only my aunt (the MOB) hasn't made an appointment for any of the bridal party,
just the bride and the MOH. The two of them go to another salon and we end up at a Super
Cuts. There are two other bridal parties ahead of us and we have to wait for over an hour!
The hairdresser didn't consult any of us about what we wanted and I ended up with a
bouffant biker helmet. I was thrilled.
Due to our late hair appointment, when we arrived back at the house the photographer
was already there. We had on no make-up or dresses. Flash forward to the church. One of
the women in the church volunteered to make the flowers as her gift to the bride &
groom. As we're standing in the waiting room, the woman shows up with the flowers which
NONE of us has seen. They are PLASTIC! not silk, not dried, not fresh. PLASTIC! They were
also not even CLOSE to the colors that Joan had picked out. We bit our tongues and the
ceremony went off without a hitch (forgetting that one relative was SO late that we had
already started up the aisle when he came in).
At the reception the introduced the bridal party. Certain members of my family booed me
when they announced my name. Classy. The first reception was beautiful. About half way
through Joan runs up to me and asks if I have a sanitary napkin. Um...where would I put
it? I don't carry my purse through the wedding. After some discrete inquiries we locate
some and we rush off to the bathroom to help with the layers of tulle on the dress. But
it's too late. Yes the bride had an accident right through the wedding dress. We were able
to hide it with the train, thank God.
The second reception was something else. The DJ was the groom's nephew (he was about
13) and his equipment was his home stereo. He had about 15 CD's that were all hard core
rap or heavy metal. We stayed for about 30 minutes. To top it all off, the groom had made
arrangements for the honeymoon to take place at a local tourist resort. We found out later
that after driving for 5 hours that EVERYTHING was closed because it was off season (they
got married in May). They found a cheap hotel and stayed there for the weekend before
coming home. They have now been married for about 5 years and are very happy.
wedhell0531-02
My wedding follies were extensive. I told my brother that I was getting married and he
said, "Well, I won't be there unless you buy me a suit." He claimed he had
nothing to wear. He didn't come to my wedding. Another brother was asked to be an
attendant. He didn't show up until the reception (in the tux we rented for him) with no
excuses. My new brother-in-laws girlfriend showed up wearing a white casket lining-like
dress, white shoes, hose, the whole bit. The musician didn't show until the reception
claiming to have babysitting problems. A friend of my new sister-in-law came (at the
invitation of my sister in law) with Tupperware in case there was food left over. Tacky,
tacky, tacky. Wedhell0316-02
I just got married about three months ago. We saved for two years in order to
have our dream wedding and here's just a few of the things that went awry. One of the
bridesmaids, Cris, dropped out of the wedding because I "bought" the bridal
shower invitations. I did this because the MOH, Jane, was freaking out because Cris hadn't
made the invitations like she promised she would and Jane couldn't get Cris to return her
telephone calls to find out what was going on. Jane said her husband had told her to just
go ahead and buy shower invitations and I said that was fine with me--I didn't care either
way, I was just happy that they were going to all of this effort on my behalf. The next
day while Jane and I were out shopping we stopped at a card store. They had some lovely
shower invitations and Jane asked if I liked them. I said that they were beautiful and she
bought them. Later that night Cris calls Jane and says that she's sorry she hadn't gotten
back to her sooner but she was busy (for two weeks?). Jane freaks out and tells me that
she's afraid to tell Cris (she has a rather nasty temper and Jane has to work with her)
that she's already bought the invitations. I called Cris the next day and told her that
Jane was worried about the shower and sending out the invitations in advance so that I had
picked up a package of bridal shower invitations and had given them to Jane so she could
send them out. Cris flipped out! She cussed me up one side and down the other claiming
that I was a control freak and dropped out of the wedding. To this day she has no idea
that the REAL individual who bought the shower invitations was Jane, not myself.
My cousin, Lynn, was also supposed to be in the wedding. She dropped out of the wedding
about five months before because she got pregnant. I had assured Lynn and reassured Lynn I
did not care if she was pregnant in the wedding and that we would find gowns to fit
everybody and make sure that they were easily alterable. We offered to pay for the dress,
her lodging, everything because we had talked about being in each other's weddings when we
were kids (I understand a baby is expensive), but no such luck. She just felt she had to
bow out. Keep in mind that she was not having a difficult pregnancy and there was nothing
wrong with the health of the baby. It might also be good to mention that of my two
remaining attendants, one was a good 8 weeks MORE pregnant than my cousin Lynn! Sara who
had her baby about a month after our wedding managed to attend the shower, the
bachelorette party and did a fabulous job at the wedding. It wasn't like I was going to
work either of them to death, I had asked some friends of mine to help out as wedding
"coordinators" and they basically took care of all of the small details for us.
Both Lynn and her husband attended our wedding along with her parents, my Aunt and Uncle.
We didn't even get a card from either couple. I understood with lodging expenses and
driving to the wedding about a gift, but not even a card?! I could have cared less about a
present but it hurt that they never said a word to us, not congratulations, not anything
and on top of that couldn't be bothered to give us a .99 cent grocery store card. This
after having arrived at the hotel to find two rather nice out of town guest baskets (one
containing food, the other containing bath products) waiting for them and all of the out
of town guests.
My husband and I don't drink and the prospect of paying for alcohol was going to break
our budget so we decided to have a dry wedding, especially since my father who is an
alcoholic was attending. We figured since we were having an afternoon wedding that we
could get away without having to serve alcohol. I've also been told that a cash bar,
although a popular trend, is extremely tacky. All of our friends KNEW in advance we
wouldn't be serving alcohol and never said anything to us about it, other than to ask why.
Although we were not able to pay for an open bar, we did pay for sodas, juices, coffee,
tea, and water. We also didn't skimp on the food and provided all the guests with an
abundance of appetizers and main dishes. There was an enormous amount of food left over.
During our toast we drank ginger-ale. I was absolutely horrified that despite the fact
that they KNEW we did not want alcohol at our wedding that some of my husband's friends
went to the bar next door, got drinks and brought them BACK TO OUR RECEPTION! One of them
cussed out my friend who was acting as one of the coordinators for suggesting that he not
take the drink up to the reception as we had expressly asked for a dry reception.
This is also the same guy that complained because we had a short note in the back of
our wedding program that asked guests to "please turn off or set to vibrate all cell
phones and pagers during the ceremony" at the request of the church. It's not like
he's a cardiac surgeon or something. We also found out when we got our disposable cameras
developed that some of my husband's friends had used the cameras to take rather revealing
shots of themselves. One of my husband's friends and his fiancée came to the wedding with
the fiancée, Amy, wearing a dress that was slit clean up to her hip and cut down in the
front below her bra line almost to her navel. (Never mind that she was still married to
somebody else at the time and I had to send the wedding invitation to them as though they
WERE married.) In the pictures Amy is hiking her skirt up so far that I was actually
embarrassed my mother had taken the cameras home with her and had them developed.
When we got our wedding video back, the second the camera is on them they are either
groping each other or he actually pulls her dress open a little farther for the camera!
Lovely! I can only imagine what our kids are going to think! On the day of the wedding we
had 6 people not show up who had RSVP'd yes (and consequently we had paid for). One of
whom was a co-worker of mine. She was pregnant at the time and just before leaving for our
wedding I had given her a gorgeous baby shower gift which was part of some exclusive baby
line. The day of my bridal shower she handed me a throw off of our registry list in the
wrong color! She told me that she figured I could just exchange it for the right one but
that she was just too busy to find the right one at the store and had wanted to get it
over with. Gee thanks, I feel special now! We received not a single telephone call from
any of these people explaining why they didn't make it to our wedding.
wedhell0328-02
Just this past summer, my boyfriend invited me as a date to the wedding of
one of his friends. I has been acquainted with the bride and groom for some time, but they
were closer to my boyfriend than they were to me. I had known about the planning that was
going on because a lot of my other friends were working on it. The planning was being done
mostly by teenagers, and a few other girls that were in their early twenties. This was a
low budget wedding, which there is absolutely nothing wrong with. In some areas they did
very well with the resources they had, in others...not so great. My boyfriend and I
arrived at the church on time, and were sitting in the last pew talking to each other
until the ceremony was to begin. Just before the bridal party was lining up in the back to
walk down the isle, the best man, "Jake," came over to my boyfriend and I and
said, "Check out the hem on my pants." We looked and couldn't really see what
was wrong. "Well," said Jake, "we didn't have a needle and thread, so we
altered all the groomsmen's' pants with BLACK ELECTRICAL TAPE. I honestly don't know HOW
that worked but apparently it held. It didn't look very nice when they were all standing
in the front of the church, though. There's more. As the bridal party started walking down
the isle, and the groomsmen were paired with the bridesmaids - you could tell...if you
hadn't been informed by both members of the pair that there was animosity between them.
THEN, as the actual exchanging of vows, etc was going on...the Pastor tried to work HUMOR
into the speech. It didn't work. That was only the second wedding I had ever been too, but
all the attendants found it to be one big sad joke.
Wedhell0401-02
It had been years since I had seen my friend since we live far away from each other.
She told me she was getting married and asked if I would be her MOH. I told her yes. As
time passed, I grew worried because we never met to discuss anything, including my dress.
She then told me I was one of only two people who would be in the wedding party besides
herself, the groom and her daughter. The best man would be wearing a tux so he was set.
She gave me the colors and told me to pick anything I wanted so I bought a tasteful dress
for the wedding. I traveled with part of my family to the town where the wedding was
taking place in the afternoon. My family was worried. It was the day of the wedding and we
had not had so much as a dress rehearsal. In fact, I hadn't even received a call to know
if the bride had arrived in town yet. I hadn't even seen the place where my friend was
getting married. I panicked when I learned it would be outside in the woods as the bride
AND her MOH were both allergic to much of the foliage growing out in nature. I finally
received a call late in the morning from the bride telling me where she was getting
married that day and we were to meet in an hour.
After arriving at what could best be called a small lodge with no air conditioning for
a summer wedding, the wedding party of five received a ten minute overview of the entire
wedding and how it would happen. An hour later we prepared for the event and I was
terrified. We hadn't actually tried a walkthrough and it showed. As the wedding started,
the coordinator was coaching us through the actual event giving us directions because no
one, not even the bride, knew where to walk once we made it out of the lodge outside. For
the little girl, she had to physically direct her in the right direction. Then we were to
take a horse drawn carriage outside around the woods before the minister began the actual
nuptials. Bugs the size of Texas were attacking us since no one was truly prepared for the
smallest attendees of an outdoor wedding in the woods. I could barely breathe, my
allergies were flaring and I had nothing to blow my nose. Then the heavens opened, and it
started raining on us. We returned and walked through the mud in our lovely outfits. The
wedding took place in the rain because there were no backup plans to have one in an indoor
location.
Once we had to walk back "down" the aisle after the ceremony, none of us knew
where to walk so we just stood in the lodge as people took their seats for the reception
to eat and dried off. The sprinkles of rain ceased for awhile, so the photographer took
pictures while the hungry guests waited in the reception hall. After they were finished;
the bride, groom, and best man immediately started getting drunk The music was horrible
and no matter how much people asked, the disc jockey refused to take requests from his ten
page music list. Since there was no preparation, and I was the only sober person in the
wedding party besides a little girl; no one knew what to do about cutting the cake. There
had been no rehearsal of what to do at the reception. I think they finally did cut the
cake as people started leaving.
Wedhell0407-02
In 1985 I was engaged and
living on my own when I received a wedding invitation, in care of my parents [who I hadn't
lived with in three years], from a third cousin (mom's second). He was to be married labor
day weekend.
My parents received a separate
invite. We respond we will go (two response cards with 2 will attend on each)
.
The day of the wedding is heavily overcast and humid (I live in
Philadelphia). And my parents are miserable because their shore house is empty this
weekend and we're going to this wedding.
Because we are "groom's family" we managed to evade all
the pre-wedding parties/ showers etc and are only invited to the wedding
On the way to the church (the 4 of us are recovering Catholics),
my mom fills us in on the B & G's story. Turns out he was in the seminary while she
was studying to be nun when they met and fell in love. Okay this should be interesting.
We arrive at the church find a relative and look around, okay
about 6 bridesmaids and groomsmen, not too bad... lots of family, cool...like 25 priests
and nuns.... we figure okay friends from the seminary .... Well the wedding starts and
there are four separate priests officiating. Now I can understand a full catholic nuptial
mass but this thing just never ends. When they finally announce communion everyone in the
church (excluding the six of us [another cousin and his wife] receive the sacrament. We
were in the church over 2 hours. Now the real fun begins...
We start for the reception, held in a VFW hall in the worst part
of the county seat. When we pull up and park, past the indigenous homeless, we see two of
my mom's uncles (men in their 60's ) standing over an open car trunk. Assuming they have a
flat we offer assistance, no.... they laugh ... turns out the bride's mother ordered a
cash bar and they had "outsmarted it" by picking up several cases of beer and
storing them in the trunk of their cars. Now my fiancé and I are concerned since we
didn't bring any money (except for tip money) and neither of my parents did either. But we
shrug and say "hey we can go without a drink" and walk into the hall.
To be greeted by the thrilling sounds of a ....POLKA BAND. Okay I
was 23, into new wave etc, but my cousin and his bride were only 2 years older. My then
fiancée says "just chill it could be fun" We go to get our place cards. Okay
mom & dad no problem.... look for mine, not under my name, not under fiancés name,
not anywhere. My dad finds my aunt(MOG) and asks... she looks nope no card, she gets the
list ... nope we're not on it.... so sorry all the brides mothers fault of course look
we'll just get some extra chairs and....Note: The groom's mother was my Mom's MOH and
when her oldest child got married (11 years earlier) my mom hosted a reception at our
home.
Well dad loses it, quietly snatches the envelope out of my hand
;throws mine and theirs on the gift table, mumbles under his breath about tacky and drags
us out.
Okay so I've wasted 4hours already,
no food, not even a diet soda and I don't even get to hear the Polka band....
In January of 1986 another envelope
arrives at my parents house, containing a generic Xeroxed thank you note ( even the
signature was Xeroxed) thanking someone for my generous gift and for sharing their
wonderful day. I used this experience as a don't guide to my own wedding.
wedhell0430-02
I'm not big on weddings and this is an excellent example of why. The cast of characters
for this horror story includes [not their real names] my step-son, "Jerry", his
then-wife, "Amy", Amy's brother as the groom-to-be "Clyde", Clyde's
bride, "Sophie", and my then 17 year old daughter "Rhonda".
My husband begged off from attending the wedding, claiming he had pressing work to
finish, wise man that he is. I also wanted to refuse but Sophie had asked Rhonda to be a
bridesmaid. Rhonda was so excited about being in a wedding party that I reluctantly agreed
to attend.
Jerry and Amy (and Amy's family) lived in an adjacent, Appalachian state. The wedding
was scheduled for early Saturday afternoon so I had to leave out after work Friday
evening. But after 8 hours of work and 4 hours of driving, I was exhausted. Since I knew
that continuing to drive would be dangerous, I stopped at a hotel about an hour away from
Jerry and Amy's home to get some much needed sleep.
We arrived early the next morning and tension was so thick you could wad it up in your
hands like bread dough. Jerry and Amy had apparently been arguing with each other for days
and Jerry had left the house just before we had arrived. Amy, being the doormat of her
family, was left to coordinate the entire wedding party, including getting all the bridal
party ready, curling hair, coordinating decorations, food, transportation, etc, etc.
Amy was *severely* upset not only that Jerry not helping but also that Rhonda and I had
spent the night at a hotel. I explained over and over but I think Amy had made up her mind
because she wasn't speaking to me. She wasn't speaking to hardly anyone. Sophie was
oblivious to her wedding coordinator's dark mood and instead chatted it up with my
daughter, Rhonda, because they hadn't seen each other in so long. I decided to pitch in
where I could and stay out of the way the rest of the time.
It was a small country wedding, with a pot-luck reception at the hall attached to the
church. The bride was lovely, Rhonda was lovely, the service mercifully short, and the
reception awkward. Jerry had finally showed up about five minutes before the wedding and
made not one effort to help his wife. At the reception he simply sat down and ate with the
rest of the guests. Amy became more and move visibly agitated with Jerry and the more that
folks tried to get her to sit down and calm herself, the more upset (alternately weepy and
angry) she became. Finally the reception ended and Rhonda and I helped Amy clean up the
hall. It felt like angry calm before a tornado. Fortunately the reception was at the
church so there was no alcohol present. No, that came later.
Back at Jerry and Amy's home the alcohol flowed freely as did the anger and
recriminations between Jerry and Amy. Thankfully, they continued the argument down the
road at Amy's parent's house. I tried my best to stay out of it. Meanwhile, more and more
alcohol was consumed by the wedding party and various friends of the bride and groom and
to my horror I realized that my daughter was being hit upon by several men in the house.
It was as if she was fresh meat in front of piranhas! One guy (married!) got so vulgar
that he had to be physically removed from the house. He came back and had to be removed
again!
About midnight, when I saw the groom's eyes just lingering a little too long on
Rhonda's behind, I had had enough. Even though we were supposed to spend the night there
and leave out the next morning, I grabbed Rhonda pushed her toward the car, telling her to
get in and lock the doors. I found Jerry at Amy's parent's house throwing clothes into a
duffel bag. Amy was having hysterics behind a locked bedroom door. He and I had had the
same idea: get the heck out of there! Jerry jumped in his truck with his dog, I jumped in
my car with Rhonda and we both sped out of there as fast as the law allows. We drove half
the night to get back to my house.
Jerry and Amy have since divorced. As far as I know, Clyde and Sophie are still
together. My husband just shakes his head. And I can only hope that I'll never be invited
to another wedding in that part of the country ever, ever again.
Wedhell0604-02
I live quite a distance from my older sister, and farther from our hometown where the
wedding would be held, so I had to put a lot of thought into accepting when my sister
called and asked me to be a bridesmaid. After explaining to her that I may not be able to
afford it she told me that our dad had already offered to pay all the costs involved. I
accepted as I don't get to see or talk to my sister much and I wanted to be a part of her
"big day". Now I had been quite afraid that my sister would be a bridezilla to
end all bridezillas as this was her personality when we were growing up but she did
everything to make sure that she was the farthest thing from it. Too bad not everyone
involved was the same.
I called to find out when I was to be in our hometown about a month prior to the
wedding. My sister told me about a week should be good if I was able but I only *had* to
be there for the wedding. I decided to go so I would be there a week before the wedding as
to help with anything. When I got there I found my sister trying to not take any of my
time as she knew I wasnt able to get there very often and had many friends I also
wanted to see. But as I went there to be involved in helping wherever I was needed I made
time to force myself upon her as a slave. I was always told that there wasnt
anything for me to do but I still always went with her "just in case".
The day before the wedding my sister had decided that herself, the MOH, myself and the
2 other bridesmaids were to stay at the house on the property where the wedding would be
held. My sister got there that evening to find that the 2 other bridesmaids and the
younger members of their family had decided to have a "get together" there. My
sister hid her disapproval and nicely ushered all but the 2 bridesmaids, the groom's
mother and the groom's aunt out. When asked what they had done all day my sister and the
MOH happily told them that herself, my sister and some of their female friends had spent
the day at the spa. You know getting facials, pedicures, body wraps and getting their
eyebrow's waxed. Now here is when the faux pas happens. The groom's aunt looks over at her
sister and in a very happy and excited tone tells her sister (the groom's mother) "Oh
we have to get our eyebrows done tomorrow". The MOH asked "really?". Both
the MOH and I thought it weird that both the groom's mother and aunt turned and walked
away. A few hours later the MOH mentioned it to one of the other bridesmaids (as these
were her mother and aunt) and was told that they had their eyebrows waxed a week ago. We
couldn't believe it! They were making fun of my sister and the MOH.
Now this wasnt the only problem with the groom's mother and aunt. Throughout the
weekend of the wedding:
(1) The aunt freaked on me because I had got a run in my nylons and wouldnt let
her come put "bright purple" nail polish on to stop it from running the last
centimeter to my toes (I was explained that it wouldnt matter cause my dress was
floor length and I didn't want to take the chance that somehow I would get the nail polish
on my pale yellow dress)
(2) The mother freaked on my dad because she was "positive" that he was going
to bring boat chain to hang the flowers with (no matter how many times that we explained
that he was just going to get a small chain to hang the baskets with)
(3) She took all of the bridesmaids bouquets before the reception even after my sister
told her that she wanted us to walk in carrying them.
(4) I overheard one of them telling someone that they couldn't believe that I accepted
the offer to be a bridesmaid even though I was so "fat".
(5) One of them got mad because our great uncle (grandfather's brother) fainted on the
way to our family photo. He is diabetic and even after she was told this she was still
upset.
(6) On the nite of the rehearsal dinner (which was held at the wedding site) the
sprinklers went off spraying the whole place (and all of us) and my father was freaked on
because he and some of the groomsmen decided to jimmy there way into the garage to turn
the sprinklers off (as the groom's mother didn't have the keys to get in there). Now the
men didn't just bash a door in they decided to take the bars off the window (just needed
to unscrew them from the wall) and then send someone inside. She seemed to think that
having the timed sprinklers wouldnt cause a problem and we should leave them alone
(I could just imagine them going off in the middle of the ceremony).
(7) These two women kept trying to change the order of how the tent was arranged
whenever my sister wasnt paying attention. It didn't matter that my sister had chose
the site to have the tables arranged so the head table was backdropped against the view of
the ocean. These women wanted it so it was backdropped by the road and driveway!
There was other things that in my opinion were in bad taste but this is getting long
enough as it is.
Wedhell0607-02
"Patrick" is my cousin. When he and his girlfriend, "C.J." were
still in high school, they had a baby. Two years later, they had another. Two years after
that, they decided to get married. C.J. is the youngest of three siblings in her Italian
family, and her parents went all out to throw her a Big White Wedding at a church and a
reception at one of our city's ritzy hotels. This wedding, from start to finish, was the
epitome of bad etiquette and bad taste. Obviously, names have been changed to protect the
innocent and not so innocent. To list the specifics:
1) Invitations. The invitations read, "Colton Michael and Corey Joseph Pratt
invite you to witness the marriage of their parents, Catia Jane Ilario and Patrick Michael
Pratt" on August 6, 2000." Now, lots of people become parents before they get
married, but wording invitations with a four-year-old and two-year-old "hosting"
the wedding seemed to be in exceptionally bad taste. I'm sure C.J. and Patrick thought
this was a cute idea, but it really wasn't.
2) Gift Registry. This couple registered for what seemed to be everything under the sun,
even though they had lived together for a few years. What's up with that? Free upgrades of
existing stuff, I guess. Oh, and included in the bridal registry were Blues Clues and
Sesame Street dish sets for the kids.
3) Ceremony Site. A church. Now these people and their families are pretty irreligious.
I'm not knocking it, because I'm not really religious either. But it just seems
hypocritical to me that they HAD TO shop around for a church to marry them when they and
their families don't believe in the principles espoused by ANY church. I think it's weird
to be so hell-bent (excuse the expression) on saying your vows "in the presence of
Jesus" when you don't think about or care much about Jesus during the rest of your
life.
4) Bride's Attire. Big, white, poufy dress, tiara, white veil. A minor point. It is my
understanding that a big, white, poufy dress is acceptable for a bride in her situation,
but that a long, white "blushing bride" veil isn't. I read somewhere that the
veil symbolizes virginity (as opposed to the white dress). Could be wrong, but the whole
ensemble and, if fact, the whole big white wedding thing, struck me as a breach of
etiquette. Lots of people do that, so no biggie.
5) The Food. The reception was held during prime dinner hours. Cold cuts, rolls for
bread to make sandwiches. The rolls were so hard that they could double as hockey pucks.
Not enough food to go around.
6) Behavior of Guests. Bride's thirty-year-old single brother played drinking games
with his friends during the reception, some of them quite loud. Tiffany, one of the
groom's other cousins, is a professional singer and sang a song for the bride and groom at
the reception. Right in the middle of her performance, one of the drinking games migrated
to the dance floor, where bride's thirty-year-old brother was crouched in the center of a
circle, holding one beer in each of his hands, guzzling one, amidst a circle of his
drinking friends, who were all chanting, "Drink mother lover, drink mother lover,
drink mother lover, DRINK!!!!" Only, it wasn't the word "lover" that was
used. I think you know what I'm talking about. Charming.
7) Behavior of Bride. Bride gets drunk. Really drunk. At one point, she accompanied
some of her guests (some underage, some not) upstairs to one of their rooms to imbibe in
Goldschlager shots dispensed from an ice sculpture fashioned as a ski slope. Later that
evening, she A) tore the spaghetti strap from her gown, B) threw up all over the front of
her gown, C) passed out briefly in the handicapped bathroom at the reception, and D)
passed out again, puked-on dress and all, in the honeymoon suite. I'll bet the groom was
disappointed. This couple is still together and apparently happy two years later, and I
guess that's what counts. This wedding and reception could have been much worse, but it
was still TACK-O-LA.
Wedhell 1230-02
My wife and I have been to two weddings where the guests tapped the keg and were
drinking beer during the ceremony. The first amazed us, but it was otherwise a fairly
ordinary wedding. The second wedding was this summer, and we've gotten lots of mileage out
of the story. The bride "Jasmine" is the daughter of "Martina", one of
my wife's former co-workers. My wife had been good friends for awhile with Martina, and
had hired Jasmine to do odd jobs a few years back. Martina & her family are very
colorful people, not given to considering long-term consequences of short-term decisions.
Martina considered it normal that none of her 3 daughters' boyfriends ever had a valid
driver's license and all were on probation or awaiting court dates for something or other.
The ceremony was held at a very creepy private park that makes you feel like you've
been transported to the world of "Twin Peaks". It is heavily wooded, thus dark,
with trails snaking through the woods. Home-made signs about every 3-4 feet point out some
feature of the woods, usually something quite unremarkable ("Notice the fungus on
this log", for example). The clearing where the wedding took place has wooden
counters that are very crudely made, a wooden dance floor, two outhouses, and a cold-water
sink. Scores of logs had been cut into 2-foot lengths, set up vertically in bunches for
seats, all of them had their tops painted white. There were a zillion bizarre signs in the
clearing.
The wedding took place on the dance floor, where folding chairs had been set up and
there were speakers hung from trees. The food and booze for the reception was on the crude
wooden counters. There were about 50 adults and half a dozen kids at the wedding. Nearly
all the adults were heavily tattooed. Martina's sister attended in a skintight strapless
leopard-skin minidress, despite being about 50 years old and at least 70 lbs. overweight.
She is famous for having gotten welfare to pay for a stomach-stapling surgery to lose
weight. She also has a hideous burn scar nearly the full length of the back of one leg.
Her daughter (Martina's niece, Jasmine's cousin) attended wearing a tube top and very
short cutoffs jeans. She had a 4-month-old baby who screamed through half the ceremony.
Jasmine was attended by her two children, only one of which is the offspring of the groom.
Jasmine's grandmother was there, heavily medicated. She is about 70 and has 12
great-grandchildren. Martina has 6 grandchildren, she is 46.
The ceremony started with heavy-metal music blaring from the speakers. The owner of the
park, an elderly man who seemed somewhat demented & deaf, was in charge of the tape
player. People had to holler at him for a long time before he turned the music down, and
someone shifted the tape to New Age music. People were coming and going during the
ceremony. Most people were both smoking and drinking beer during the ceremony, including
the father of the bride, and the parents of the groom. A cellphone rang during the
ceremony, and was answered, and the owner of the phone indulged in "cell yell",
describing the ceremony and his relationship to the groom (drinking buddy), while the
minister struggled to go through the vows, to the distorted strains of music blaring from
speakers. One of the bride's brothers spent the entire ceremony off to one side preparing
meat skewers for barbecuing for the reception. None of the bridesmaid's dresses matched,
and they all had short sleeves (including the bride), which showed off their arm tattoos.
As the ceremony ended, the tape was switched to a romantic ballad. A young woman stood up
and lip-synched to the ballad. The best man took off his shirt and went bare-chested as
soon as the ceremony was over. We departed as soon as the ceremony was over.
Wedhell 1106-02
One of my cousins, an extremely nice guy, grew up in a very strict fundamentalist
family. He met his wife while they were both students at a Bible college. They got married
in a tiny but very picturesque church, in a small town about 50 miles from the bride's
family's hometown. It was a very hot day, and the long side of the church was facing the
sun, so it got very hot inside. It was a very low-budget wedding, the bride had made her
own dress, sewed my cousin's wedding suit, and they had prepare much of the food
themselves. Needless to say they were exhausted and she was a wreck. She had eczema, which
flared under stress, and her future MIL (my aunt) is a very manipulative, bossy,
stress-inducing woman.
Her parents had not wanted to offend anyone, so they had invited their entire church
congregation. They assumed that since the wedding was not in their own church and was 50
miles out of town, that not many of the congregation would come. They were wrong. A friend
of the bride's family did the decorations, which included flower arrangements on the
altar, and broomsticks that fit into holders on the ends of the pews. These had glass
hurricane lamp globes on top with candles inside, and were braided with ribbon like
maypoles. All very nice, but the woman doing the decorations was in a wheelchair and could
not fuss with the final appearance. I was one of two ushers, she commandeered both of us
to adjust flowers a few inches one way or another, straighten the ribbons a bit, etc.
Meanwhile people were pouring into the church willy-nilly, and a lot of close family ended
up standing. It was so crowded the photographer could not get into the church, he stood on
a chair in the narthex trying to photograph the ceremony. Extra folding chairs were set up
in the outer aisles, so the main aisle was the only way in or out.
Just as the ceremony was starting, one of the hurricane lamp globes exploded, showering
glass over the congregation. We had to stop the ceremony and blow out all the candles. The
minister was from my cousin's family's church, they didn't really want him but they
couldn't risk offending him. He made a long sermon about how God made the man the head of
the family, God's chain of command was God-father-sons-wife-daughters. The vows he had
them say included the bride being obedient to her husband, etc. Then they said vows they
had written themselves. I had persuaded them to write them down rather than attempting to
memorize them. Young family members brought the vows to them on scrolls of parchment. My
cousin read his vows; they were so moving and his bride was so overwrought from stress
that she started to sob. Real wailing boo-hoo-hoo stuff, and it went on for 5 full
minutes, which in a wedding seemed like an eternity. Especially as it was over 100 degrees
in the church. She collected herself, sniffled through her vows, then they signed the
wedding certificate and she started crying again. They marched out with her still crying.
The day was growing hotter, so they set up the receiving line on the steps of the
church, which were in the shade. This meant that no one could get out of the church. It
was boiling inside. An older couple, trying to stand up, grabbed the back of the pew in
front of them. It wasn't bolted down, it tipped back, and the hurricane lamp globe went
flying with a smash. An old lady fainted from the heat. I fought my way to a side door and
opened it, went around to the steps, and got them to move the receiving line under a tree.
Another pew tipped and another globe went smash, at this point most of the people were out
of the church and we two ushers took down the rest of the globes. I vowed then and there
that if I ever got married I would elope. I didn't, of course, but that is another
story... wedhell 1106-02
I HAVE to tell you about the wedding I recently attended - it was just too horrible (or
funny depending on how you look at it!) My fiancé's friend from high school got married
recently and we received a lovely invitation in the mail informing us of the church
wedding to be immediately followed by a dinner reception. My fiancé was very excited to
go as he hadn't seen his friend in a few years and I expected a very nice affair. The
wedding was in another state so we made hotel reservations at the suggested hotel on the
invitation and drove several hours to the destination. However, we were not invited to the
rehearsal dinner as out-of -town guests usually are, but that really didn't bother me
(maybe it was only family?) No, as I later found out other out of towners were invited -
still don't know why we weren't.
The suggested hotel was quite run down and I found several large insects in our room -
yuck! O.k. not the Bride and Groom's fault, but yucky just the same. The wedding was to
start at 5:00, we arrived at 4:45 as did many other people, but the church was already
full, not an empty pew in the house! It seems the Bride and Groom had invited about 300
people, but decided to have their wedding in a church that only accommodated 200. The
remaining guests had to stand up in the back and the Bride and Bridesmaids had to squeeze
through people to get to the aisle!
When we saw the Bride, my fiancé whispered to me, "What's wrong with her
dress?" I strained my neck to see what he was talking about - it didn't take long to
notice. The top of the Bride's strapless gown was sticking out about 5 inches from her
chest and she didn't have the chest to fill it. Anyone taller than the Bride would have
been able to see right down her dress! (did she not have time to have it altered? Your
guess is as good as mine.)
Wedding goes well - skip to the reception (to start immediately after wedding) They had
it at a "re-creation of an old western town", sounds kind of cool right? Well,
we drove out into the boonies, parked our car in this field and made our way down a very
steep hill to the "town". It was quite amusing to watch all these nice dressed
up people and ladies in heels try to make it down this hill without falling, thankfully I
did. Well, the "town" consisted of 4 buildings painted pink, white, yellow and
brown (did they have pink and yellow buildings in the old west?) The only building that
was open was the brown one, where the band set up and they had a dance floor that could
hold about 30 people. Across from that they had a big tent set up with lots of tables and
chairs with votive candles as decoration. The cash bar had 2 bartenders and they set up
the bar on big folding tables. Next to it was one of those big white beer trucks with a
tap on the side to which we were supposed to help ourselves (what is this a frat party?)
There were 4 tables in the tent with hors d'ouvres on them being replenished every so
often by a catering staff that was set up in one of the closed buildings. I felt so bad
for them, they were obviously working hard to get the food out as fast as possible, there
were just too many people trying to eat all at once. After about an hour, it became
painfully obvious that there was no dinner - just hors d'ouvres. That would have been no
problem, I have been to many weddings that just had hors d'ouvres receptions, but none
that started right after the ceremony, at dinner time, giving no one a chance to go eat
somewhere first. I thought they could have done a better job of explaining this in the
invitation! Another hour goes by and FINALLY the Bride and Groom show up! It seems they
had been driving all over town taking pictures and had obviously stopped off somewhere for
a drink b/c the Bride was DRUNK! After a while I had to go use the restroom, boy was I
surprised at what I found! A little out-house type bathroom with two stalls in the women's
and 2 in the men's. (2 stalls each for 300 people!) The reason I know there were 2 stalls
in the men's is because halfway through the evening the toilets in the women's restroom
overflowed, so the women had to use the men's room and the men were instructed (by the
father of the Bride) to "piss in the woods". As the night wore on, the Bride
proceeded to get more and more plastered, her bridesmaids were telling everyone she was
acting strange because she had taken a Zantac that morning (yeah right). They tried to
make her eat something, so she picked up a shrimp cocktail, stuffed it in her mouth and
spilled cocktail sauce down the front of her dress. Lovely. She then got it in her head
that she wanted to sing a song to her new husband. So, she went up to the band leader (who
was on one of their many 1/2 hour long breaks) and asked them to play back up for her. As
the song started I just cringed, recognizing it right away as Gloria Gaynor's "I Will
Survive" how very inappropriate. I just had to laugh at that point, I really couldn't
help myself. The Groom then whisked the Bride away (at 10:30) to put her to bed and told
his high school buddies that he would be over to the hotel to party with them later.
Charming. My fiancé and I really did have a good time with the other people that were
there, we all had a good laugh together. I just feel bad for the Bride who will surely not
remember her own wedding reception.
Wedhell 1029-02
My husband and I married in late 1999. My husband's entire family lives in the Midwest
and we are in the Southwest. MOG could not make the wedding because she was gravely ill
and FOG stayed with MOG. So, using MOG and FOG's tickets, Sister-in-law (we'll call her
Ann) brings her new boyfriend. Until then, no one even knew they were dating - I think the
wedding must have been their second date.
We had our wedding Friday night with a small reception and then a big casual Open House
at our new house on Saturday with fabulous catered food. However, SIL and BF would not
know this, because they showed up for about 10 minutes, went out for "something to
eat." and came back to the house six hours later (still hungry!). Oh, and at the
wedding the night before, she spent most of the night in the bathroom chatting with her
Ex-live-in.
Anyway, before leaving Ann takes a TON of food (for MOG and FOG) and then some food for
herself as well and leaves a check in a card - for $500.00, which I told my husband was
far too much and not to cash it. But he says Ann must really want us to have it and with
the new house we really needed the money, so we went ahead and cashed it and sent a nice
thank you note. Incidentally, MOG and FOG never saw - or heard about - the food I packed
up especially for them.
Fast forward to February when Ann and the boyfriend announce their engagement - rapid
courtship, but OK, maybe it's true love, right? The wedding is in October. I am to be a
Bridesmaid - so I purchase $180.00 dress; $50.00 shoes; $100.00 shower gift (even though
wasn't invited to the shower!); and take a week (my only week) of vacation with hubby to
drive up the 1200 miles for the wedding (add in travel costs, etc.). The dress has a slit
so high I can't sit down or it would be obscene (we call it the Hoochie Mama Dress). The
Dress is sleeveless and backless, and the wedding is in the northern Midwest in Late
October. Brrrr.
Ann does not acknowledge our arrival. When she finally does, she decides she wants to
take her brother (my husband) out to dinner - I am not invited, it's "family
only." Nonetheless, my husband, feeling extremely generous and no doubt feeling
guilty about her generous present to us 11 months before, insists that we buy out her
wedding registry - we end up spending around $750.00 on gifts.
I also find out that lots of people could not make the wedding. I find out from a
(sane) family member that Ann had invited everyone she had ever met - and we're talking
people she had met once at someone *else's* wedding shower. They probably didn't even know
who the invitation was for!
So, the rehearsal dinner is at a kids pizza place - you know, with video games and
Skeeball? The pizza stinks - it's kid-grade fare. There was no alcohol, which might have
helped. Ann was over an hour late to her own rehearsal and an additional hour late to the
rehearsal dinner, so the (bad) pizza went cold waiting for her. The toilets were all
stopped up all night too, so there were no bathrooms available, not Ann's fault, but it
sure didn't help.
The wedding and reception could have been much worse, to be honest. I, in my giant
bouffant hairdo - which was forced upon me - spent the evening trying to make nice with
the rest of the family. When I had had enough, I retired to the bar next door (same
building) with the other bridesmaids.
Let's sum up the event by saying for all the gifts, a week off work, 1200 miles of
driving, having to wear the Hoochie Mama dress, and helping out with the wedding we got no
thank you note at all - or even a phone call to see if we made it back home safely. AND we
come to find out that the $500.00 guilt trip she gave us originally was actually pilfered
from my husband's gravely ill mother's bank account.
My one consolation is that during the reception she wandered around for quite some time
with no one bothering to tell her that her dress had unzipped and her butt was hanging
out. Oh, that and her impending divorce.
Wedhell 1028-02
I was very lucky. My Wedding went as my husband-to-be (now my husband of 7+ years) and
I had planned it. My Cousin had the same luck. Unfortunately, her planning and execution
were lacking, so hers was a Wedding from Hell. My cousin Karen was living in Upstate NY
with her parents, a few towns over from my parents, my brother John, his wife Cheryl, and
their two small children. Karen didnt have many friends there, so she asked my
sister-in-law to be her MOH. Cheryl is such a sweet soul that she couldnt say no.
She accepted the "honor" (horror is more like it).
Cheryl found herself performing all of the MOH duties, as well as those that should
have fallen to the Bride. By the time all of the planning was done and the big day
arrived, Cheryl had made the guest list, ordered and sent the invitations (at her own
expense), taken the RSVPs, made the reservations at the Brides choice of
venue, put down the deposit, hosted the Bridal Shower, bought the decorations (Karen
bought some streamers), and decorated the restaurant/bar that would be the site of both
Wedding and reception.
Karens contribution to her Wedding? She specified that Cheryl buy a certain
dress, and chose her own bridal gown. Thankfully, there were to be only four in the
Wedding party. The Groom and BM chose their own outfits.
To add to Cheryls woes, the dress that had been chosen for her by the Bride was
at a little shop that unexpectedly closed for the winter before the final fitting. Cheryl
had quite a time getting in touch with the owner of the shop so that she could pick up her
dress. She actually had to call the local police to find the shops owner, so that
she could take the dress home and have my Mother take up the hem (alterations that had
been paid for in advance by Cheryl).
When the night before the Wedding arrived, my husband and I were at my Johns
house playing with our niece and nephew. Karen and a friend of hers were at the restaurant
to do the decorating. They called asking Cheryl to come help. She was exhausted, so my
Brother offered to go help with the decorating in her stead. My husband and a friend of my
Brothers went with him. A good thing too, because the Bride and her friend had a
snoot full and couldnt figure out what to do with the decorations. John and the boys
hung the decorations, set up the tables, and had the favors, etc, ready for the next day.
One of the Grooms friends was supposed to make the flower arrangements and have them
at the restaurant the night before the Wedding. Naturally, they had not arrived. The boys
got back home shortly after midnight.
On the day of the Wedding, some flowers arrived. They werent as promised, and the
Grooms friend complained bitterly to anyone who couldnt run away that she
hadnt had enough time, didnt have the right materials, and had paid for them
herself. She added that they were lucky to have such a good friend as she to do something
like this free.
Then things got weird. I was on the porch in a beige skirt suit watching the guests
arrive and listening to the flower lady complain. A man in a pair of jeans, boots, shirt,
leather vest, with three teeth, who smelled as if a brewery had exploded, stumbled past
me. I must have looked askance; the flower lady paused in her litany long enough to tell
me that he was the Best Man. The next person I met was the Groom. The flower lady gushed
as she introduced us. I was polite but unimpressed. Karens brother Greg and his
toothless girlfriend showed up late and stinking. They were dressed from the rag bin, and
headed straight to the bar for a pre-Wedding drink.
The restaurant was a small place, and wasnt equipped for even a small affair.
When I went to find my seat I was told that a couple of people who hadnt RSVPd
had come so there wasnt an place set for me or my husband. I told the staff to set
places for us. They handed us plates, glasses, and flatware that didnt match the
rest. They said they didnt have any more napkins. I told them to give me paper
napkins (problem solved), and we ended up using them on our niece and nephew who were just
as happy to have the extra attention.
The Wedding was mercifully swift. The one truly bright spot was when the Groom danced
with his MOL. She was wheelchair-bound from Cancer, and that was the nicest thing he could
have done. During the Bride and Grooms dance, the BM tried to dance with Cheryl, and
ended up sprawled on the floor. It wasnt the last time that would happen that day.
We later learned that he had a hip flask and was nipping when he wasnt getting
enough free beer. The Bride proceeded to make her way around the room showing off the
moccasins she was wearing under her dress. Apparently, she and the Groom had a few before
the ceremony as well.
The buffet was terrible. It ran out before everyone had filled their first plate. More
was brought out, but the meat wasnt cooked, and the vegetables (?) were swimming in
grease. The pasta was stuck together in hard clumps that required a knife to facilitate
serving. As little as I ate, I managed to find something that contained MSG and spent that
night vomiting.
I had to go to the Ladies room. I asked a server and was told that the bathrooms were
in the main entryway. I went there to find a line of people and a stench. Gregs
toothless girlfriend was in line in front of me. When the Mens room emptied while
the Ladies was still occupied, she offered to stand guard if I wanted to use the
Mens. I declined. I had to explain that my nearly floor length skirt already needed
to be cleaned, and I didnt want to add any urine stains to it. My husband finally
sidled over and asked if I was ready to leave. The only other time Ive ever been
that grateful to leave a place was when I was being discharged from the hospital!
Mercifully, they have no children. Their marriage has not been happy. I believe the
only thing that is keeping them together is the fact that no one else wants either of
them.
Wedhell 1026-02
A little background: In April 2001 I married a wonderful man, and we paid for the
entire wedding ourselves.
Fast forward one year, and my SIL is now getting married to a young man she presented
to the family at lunch one Sunday, along with the announcement that they are expecting.
First time we've ever seen this guy, too. Her mom, my MIL, insists on the marriage,
although the happy couple themselves are hesitant. MIL goes on to throw an elaborate gala,
comments constantly that she wants this one to be better than mine. SIL, out of duty, asks
me to be a bridesmaid, but lets me know that I'm the last choice. I fork out at least $500
on the ceremony (canceling a trip my husband and I had planned for our anniversary) and
offer to throw a shower for the bride. MIL informs me that "family" will take
care of hosting a shower. Um, excuse me, I thought I was family? I just let it go, and on
the day of the ceremony I arrive at the wedding site (at MIL's insistence) at 6:00 a.m. to
decorate for the 3:00 PM ceremony. The bride calls my mobile phone to announce that we're
leaving in 10 minutes to go get our hair done. I'll need to come back later to finish the
decorating. It is swelteringly hot in Georgia by 11:00 a.m. even in the spring, and
needless to say, we were all sticky and grumpy by the time the ceremony does start. Father
of the bride is noticeably drunk, staggers up the aisle, pregnant bride is too big for her
dress, bridesmaids are dripping sweat, mother of bride makes the bride's brother, my
husband, leave in the middle of the ceremony because "we don't have enough
spoons"! Horror! After the ceremony, we endure 2 hours of pictures outside, and
mother of the bride yells at us because we don't look happy for the bride. Oh, did I
forget to tell you-----groom announced at reception, on video, that this is the
"worst mistake of his life." And WE didn't look happy.
Wedhell 1011-02
When my husband and I got married, we were just starting out in the big, bad, real
world. We had NO money, and he had just been laid off from his full time job of seven
years. I was also five months pregnant. Trailer-trashy enough for you yet? To make a long,
painful, and utterly ludicrous story short: my mother brought her boyfriend (a formerly
convicted pedophile) despite my specifically demanding that she not; my mother in law
brought her Pit Bull and let it run amok, scaring half my guests away, while she was too
bloody drunk to do anything; my sister in law showed up already drunk with five pro hockey
players and their slutty girlfriends. They ate EVERYTHING in sight and helped themselves
to ALL the booze we saved for months to buy. Someone brought around a collection jar
(small change only and not my idea) to start a "college fund" for my baby to be.
This lot begged off saying they had no money (despite the thirty thousand dollars of gold
jewelry around their necks). The same sister in law jumped in my new husband's lap when he
tried to make a toast to me, and started wiggling in a sexually explicit manner. She
sucked on his neck and told everyone she's always been secretly in love with her own
brother...all while my husband was trying to make a toast to yours truly. My husband
forcibly shoved cake down my throat, even though I still had intermittent pregnancy
nausea, and I barfed on camera. Everybody laughed at me, no one offered to help. And the
masterpiece...as soon as the food and booze was gone, everyone left, no one bothered to
help me clean up, and I crawled into bed wondering what in etiquette hell I'd gotten
myself into. I woke up the next morning...to find my brother in law sleeping on the floor
with his fourteen year old girlfriend (he was 21). The end. Stop laughing at me.
Wedhell 1010-02
This story happened to a friend of mine and it is hilarious. She was asked to be in a
wedding by a work friend. Mind you, they were not close friends as in "let's hang out
after work and socialize", they were strictly friends in the workplace. My friend
thought this strange, but agreed to be in the wedding because obviously this girl didn't
have many friends. I think the wedding was in Nebraska. The rehearsal dinner was held in a
bowling alley. Okay, no biggie there. The best part was that the bride's mother and father
got into this huge, screaming brawl in the parking lot and the father ending up hitting
the mother and the cops come and take him to jail. I guess he was bailed out the next
morning in time to walk the bride down the aisle. Then the reception was held at...get
this...a Western Sizzler. The couple just booked a room that was separated by one of those
big sliding curtains. You had to pay for your own dinner and go up to the buffet just like
everyone else. That means my friend had to go up to the buffet line in her bridesmaid
dress (as did the bride in her gown) and help themselves to food, along with regular
patrons in their jeans! How horrible!
Wedhell0814-02
Shortly before the end of the year, I received an invitation. It was home-computer
produced, with full color and cartoons. On the inside, the left-hand side had a poem,
preferenced with "to be sung to the tune of 'Let It Snow.'" The poem was all
about new love, ending with "Let it grow, let it grow, let it grow!" The
right-hand side of the page invited me to celebrate the new love of "Lenny and
Tammy." It listed the date, time, place and the three hostesses. One of them was my
sister-in-law, a woman named "Eleanor" and a third woman. Then, three stores
were listed, for their registries. At the bottom was a little paragraph explaining that
Lenny and Tammy were flying in from out-of-state, and couldn't carry back much on the
plane. Therefore, they requested "no gifts" because it would be too difficult to
manage. On the back, was a logo, "Invitations by Eleanor," registered
trademark, as if to pass off the invitation as professional. My first
thought was, "I don't know anyone named Lenny or Tammy." I asked my husband, and
he had indeed known a Lenny in childhood. They had not spoken in at least ten years, and
my husband was very surprised to hear anything of him. Nevertheless, he was happy for him,
and wanted to attend whatever this event was. My next thought was, well, what exactly was
this party? An engagement party, shower or the wedding itself? Since my husband and I are
on poor terms with the sister-in-law who was co-hostess, we asked another family member
also invited. She was convinced it was an engagement party. So, we accepted the
invitation.
On the day of the party, I had great trouble finding my sister-in-law's new house. I
finally arrived when the party was well underway. Due to a work emergency, my husband
didn't get off work in time to be there. (It was on a weeknight, during the busiest week
of the year in his line of employment.) I walked in to find everyone sitting in a large
circle, opening presents. Now, I've never heard of an engagement party where presents are
given, but they are all from the Midwest, where apparently, "engagement party"
is synonymous with "shower." So, when my family member told me it was an
engagement party, what she meant was "ignore that line about 'no-gifts.'" Where
I am from, and where they live now, engagement party means the party where the engagement
is announced. Since the invitation explicitly requested no gifts to be presented then, I
assumed that I was not to bring a gift. I was glared at by a few people, because I was the
only empty-handed guest. They returned to opening the gifts, and someone offered me
champagne. I said "Yes, please." What I was actually served, I'm not sure, but
it tasted more like alcoholic, carbonated cool-aid. Since I was late, I was told the food
was "all gone." I wish I had been told that before I had begun to drink, because
I started to feel lightheaded, what with embarrassment over the gift and the syrupy drink.
I tried to remain composed, and I smiled and put on my best party face. I did finally get
to meet the couple, gave them my best wishes and congratulations, but I still felt very
awkward. Lenny kept referring to the event as The Shower, and how important it was for
them to make the special trip, and what a long drive it had been. I commented
that I thought they flew in, and that's why I thought gifts were to be sent (ahem), not
brought. He gave me a peculiar look, and said, "Well, we had talked about flying in,
but that was a long time ago. We wanted to drive to make sure we could get all this
home." At which time he pointed to the ladder, sitting to the side of the
Christmas tree. Somehow, I hadn't noticed the giant bow wrapped around it. Not only had
everyone else been given different information than we had (including maps to the new
house,) but they had also been told how important "getting the goods," were to
this trip. Home Depot being the favorite choice from amongst the three stores. During the
course of the party, I did get a chance to say hello to Eleanor. She was baffled that I
remembered her from our first meeting, over a year prior. She fell all over herself to
compliment me on my stationery. She was so taken by how "charmingly
old-fashioned" I was by sending in a written response, using my own paper, postmarked
the day after I had received her invitation. Apparently, she'd never heard of such a
thing, but liked it, even though "we're all computer literate these days, and that's
so much easier." I probably thanked her, but I'm still not sure if that was
completely sincere, or patronizing. As I left the party, I was thrilled that part was over
and looked forward to attending the wedding.
We received a formal invitation, and accepted promptly. When the day of the wedding
came, my husband and I traveled to their home town (25 miles for us) for the wedding at
the church where they both attended as children. The wedding was scheduled for 5pm, with a
reception to follow. As we were walking in, I noticed one of the sisters of the groom in a
white, lace dress. I thought this was odd, but I didn't say anything, assuming this was
just a tradition of their family. While chatting with some family, they all commented on
how organized Tammy was, and that she'd planned every last detail, giving everyone their
itineraries and so on. We were handed programs and seated. My husband started reading his
program and squirming, but I don't read those things, so I didn't realized his discomfort
at the time. The wedding started and was a typical, traditional Protestant wedding. The
minister seemed young and inexperienced, even mentioning that he hadn't known them well.
He had a three-ring binder that he kept referring to, looking up-and-down, up-and-down
during the ceremony. I chalked it up to being about the same age as the couple, and
possibly one of his first weddings to perform. However, the bride was beautiful, covered
in tulle and most things went smoothly. The sister in white performed a reading, but no
one seemed to mind her white, lace dress. The mothers were dressed in mommy-of-the-bride
pink and mommy-of-the groom blue which is not an etiquette violation, just comical,
because they were obviously unflattering colors for each. The MOB was loving all the
attention she was getting, but wasn't causing a scene. It was only late in the ceremony
that I realized ALL of the women of each side were "matching," as in groom's
female relatives in blue, bride's in pink. Candlelighters were in yellow, but the reader
and the flower girl were in white. It made for a stunning look, and I was beginning to
gather what the family had meant about her planning every detail.
After the ceremony, we all went to a hotel in the nearby city. The bridal party took
off in a white, stretch limo, and we all drove in our cars. As they were entering the
building, some of the guests were chatting, and catching up on old times . Someone had to
go to the restroom, and somehow we ended up in the lobby for maybe a quarter of an hour.
My husband and I were some of the only guests not carrying gifts. This time, I didn't feel
awkward, knowing that I had sent a generous gift previously. We were some of the last
guests to walk into the banquet room, but we were enjoying socializing so much we hardly
noticed - until we walked through the door, that is. The other guests put their gifts on
the gift table next to the door, a large table piled high. There was also a very large,
wood and glass box with a slot on top, presumably for cards. However, it was empty. From
there, we proceeded to the bar, and some guests approached the food stations. The MC
barked loudly at them, "The food stations are CLOSED until the bridal party goes
through FIRST." I was surprised at that, but then I noticed everyone else was sitting
down at the tables with drinks only. I shrugged it off, and asked my husband to get me a
drink. He asked which one, to which I said, "Whatever, I don't care." He then
pointed out that we had to buy tickets at another station first; the bar was
accepting only tickets for drinks. I was really puzzled, but we went to the ticket station
anyway. My chin nearly hit the floor when I saw the sign posted on the table. Not only was
it cash bar for alcohol - but sodas, juice and bottled water were more expensive
than wine or beer, which were at hotel premium prices. There were children running around
demanding aunts and uncles buy them a soda. I couldn't believe it. I was so startled that
I requested tap water. My husband was getting really impatient that I wouldn't make up my
mind, because, you see, they didn't offer tap water. The bar was instructed that all water
served must be sold with a ticket. Fortunately, he had brought cash, otherwise we would
have had nothing to drink all night. With our drinks we made our way to the only seats
available, which were in front of the speakers. The music was so loud, that it was
deafening. The other guests informed us that the bridal party hadn't taken any photos
before the ceremony, and that we were waiting on the photography session. This was just
after six PM, and we were expected to sit there drinking alcohol on empty stomachs until
the bridal party arrived. No snacks, no appetizers, nothing. Fortunately, no one got drunk
on their empty stomachs during the wait - most people sat quietly at their tables, nursing
one of those expensive drinks. Some of the children were running around, but even they
quieted down eventually. I plastered my biggest smile on my face and made polite
conversation with several scowling faces. My sister in law was sitting at our table with
her arms crossed in front of her chest, with one of the worst scowls. At one point, she
got up and walked by me with a snip, "Can't you pretend like you're having fun?"
I replied with, "It's just the low blood sugar," with the same smile I'd been
wearing for hours. We had no idea how long things were supposed to take, so when they
finally arrived at 8 PM, everyone was eager to get things started.
Now, I've seen this before on television, but I still wasn't prepared for the shock. As
the bridal party came in, two-thirds of the guests formed a sort of corridor leading into
the room. The DJ started to play music that I've only heard at the start of sporting
events. They guests lined up started clapping, a slow, rhythmic clap. "Laaadieeeeeees
aaaaaaaaaaaaannnd Gentlemen, The New Mr. and Mrs. Lenny Doe." They came in with their
hands clasped above their heads, as if in triumph, to a strobe light affect. This may be
common in some parts of the country, but for those who've never been to a wedding like
that, it sure looked like the start of a basketball game, not a wedding. What I know of as
"announcing the couple" is at the start of their first dance, if then, but
nothing like that. I was so appalled at their lack of humility after we'd waited for so
long; the contrast was stark. The wedding party was announced after them, also not common
to my area, and half-way through someone screamed out, "Woooo-hooo! Way to go
Jessica!" at the mention of a bridesmaid's name. The couple went to the dance floor
where they were serenaded.
Finally, they went through the food lines. I managed to get in line about 3/4 of the
way back. The lines were going very slowly. It took about 45 minutes for me to get close
enough to even see what the food was. Once I did, I noticed peoples faces more than the
food. They were disgusted, and I heard several comments along the lines of "THAT'S
it?" and "Can you believe this?" That's when I noticed that the food was
only appetizers. At that point, a lady dressed in pink turned around and started chatting
with me. Everything was going well, polite chatter and all, until she asked, "Have
you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?" After a religious wedding where
virtually every guest attended the same church for decades, and the bride and groom met in
Sunday School, I wasn't as surprised as I might otherwise be. I told her that I while I am
very devout, my religion is not Christian. Her face turned to stone, and she turned her
back on me. Fortunately, I only had to stand behind her for another minute, as we were
finally at the front of the line. I picked up a plate, noticing that it was very small, a
bread plate. I filled it with what was left from the appetizers, mostly fruit, cheese and
crackers, and moved on to the next station. I picked up another plate, this one even
smaller, a two inch plate upon which I would have served pats of butter. Both plates
easily fit into one of my hands. There were very small rolls at this station, so I got
two. The server placed about 3oz of meat total on top of the rolls, and I turned to walk
back to the table. I placed the meat plate in front of my husband. I wish I had had a
camera to take a picture of his face when he saw it. He had been sitting at the table
while the children were fed. They were given 8 inch size plates of chicken fingers and
French fries. Mostly, they didn't even eat them, while my husband drooled with envy at
their food. After being kicked under the table for 45 minutes by children, that was the
last thing he wanted to see. We were so hungry, that the appetizers did just that -
stimulate our appetite for more food. I was ready to go back through the line again, when
I realized they had closed the food stations after everyone got to go through one time. If
I hadn't got a plate for my husband, he wouldn't have had anything!
At that point they started the dancing. My husband was giving me the signal to get out
of there by then. I was insistent that we stay for the cake, due to hunger, and to shake
hands with the happy couple. At this point, I didn't expect them to form a receiving line,
but I thought they might make some time to socialize with guests. It took another hour to
get the opportunity to do so. They were "making the rounds," to visit with
everyone, and instead of spending two seconds with their guests in line, they spend five
minutes with each guest who bothered to go to where they were standing. They had tried to
go from table to table, but people got up and formed lines to get the chance to say hello.
The dance floor could only accommodate about 1/4 of the 200 guests at any one time, so my
husband and I just sat for most of that hour. During the whole time, my husband kept
trying to get me to leave, but I was brought up not to leave before the bride and groom
left. Plus, it was ten o'clock and I really, really wanted a bite of cake. Then, he turned
crimson and started to cry. I couldn't take it any more, so I consented to leave, as long
as we spoke with the MOB first. As we were making our way to her, I noticed a line to get
to her, too. So, we watched her as we waited. She adored being the center of attention so
much she was acting like the five year old flower girl. At one point, she pointed to her
dress, looked down and swished her skirt back and forth. She was giddy, laughing and
clapping her hands like a child. Now, I'm all for joy and happiness at weddings, but she
wasn't acting like an adult. She was more childish than the children there! When we
finally got to see her, she was blown away that anyone would introduce themselves to her,
as if that were some bold social act. We told her what a beautiful wedding it was, and
that we wished we could stay, but we simply had to leave. She was so dejected, and begged
us to stay for cake. We thanked her again and walked out, passed the bartender, the
attendant at the ticket table, and that big, still-empty box for envelopes.
In the car on the way home, my husband showed me that program. There was a lovely
paragraph, all about how thankful they are to their parents for raising them in their
religious tradition, and how important it is to cleave to the religion of one's parents,
to ensure everlasting life in the hereafter, to have a partner in ministry to the evil
outsiders and so on. It was very religious, and I'm sure very beautiful and meaningful for
some. However, the reason Lenny and my husband stopped being friends ten years ago is that
my husband "strayed" away from his own parents' faith, and joined mine. So, it
was perfectly clear that Lenny still feels the same way, considering we were in a tiny
minority of guest who weren't members of their church.
Several weeks later, we received a thank you note for our "lovely crystal,"
and the announcement that they are moving to our town. They wrote how they'd love to have
us over for dinner sometime. Having seen what she plans, to the very last detail, think
I'll pass.
Wedhell 0724-02
This is long, but it seemed like this nightmare would never end. My brother got married
last year to the girl he'd been dating for 3 years. His fiancée, I'll call her Jane, and
I had never really gotten along very well (although we do now), so I was very hesitant
about her marrying my beloved brother. Jane had her moments, but it was really her family
that I dreaded my brother marrying into. They hated my brother (I'll call him John) and
tried any and everything to break them up. This family was very enmeshed and made Jane's
life a living hell.
Anyway, they started planning the wedding, and it became very obvious that it was going
to be Jane's mother's 4th wedding instead of Jane's wedding. Everything Jane or John
wanted was overruled. They were on a tight budget, but they refused to do anything less
than the best. Jane's mother didn't seem to mind that her own parents were going to end up
footing the bill. The 6 months before the wedding was a nightmare! Where we're from, the
groom's mother is usually responsible for the groom's table at the reception. My mother is
an excellent decorator and was really looking forward to doing this for her only son.
Well, Jane's mother informed Jane that "we'd better just do it ourselves, because we
don't know what we'll get." Needless to say, my mother's feelings were hurt, and the
rest of us were outraged. We let that slide. Jane picked out the cake she wanted for the
groom's table from a friend of ours who does wedding cakes professionally. That was as far
as our participation in that went. I'll explain more about the cake later.
As for the attendants, Jane's own aunt asked to be in the wedding. My sister and I
never expected to be asked, and that was fine. Jane, of course, felt obligated to have the
aunt and the rest of her entire family in the wedding. The only part of the wedding in
which my brother had anything his way was with his attendants. He was allowed to have my
dad as his best man and 2 or 3 of his friends, but Jane's family insisted that the uncle
be in it also, along with her cousin as a junior groomsman. My son is the only
"child" in our family and is very close to my brother, so naturally, my brother
wanted him to serve as ring bearer. Jane's family threw a fit and insisted that Jane's
little brother, 3 years old, be the ring bearer instead (not in addition to, instead) of
my son. My brother put his foot down on that one, so they both ended up being ring
bearers.
Well, fast forward to the day before the wedding. All of the ladies in our family were
invited to a bridal luncheon. Mind you, we're from Texas and the wedding was to be in New
Mexico. We'd left early that morning and drove over to New Mexico (1 hour time delay) for
a luncheon to be held at Noon. We arrived at the luncheon and were informed that the
hostess had been in a minor car accident that morning and wasn't quite prepared to serve
us yet. We understood completely and agreed to return at 1 PM. When we arrived at 1, 2 PM
Texas time, starving because none of us had eaten since about 7 am Texas time, we were
greeted and waited in the dining area while the hostess and Jane's family stood in the
kitchen and chatted for about 30 minutes. Not only were we hungry, we were feeling very
uncomfortable and unwelcomed by that time. However, we all took this in stride and made it
through the remainder of the luncheon, finally getting to eat at about 2:30 or 2:45 Texas
time. That evening my brother approaches my mother and informs her that Jane is very upset
because her mother told her that my mother insulted the hostess of the luncheon. It's bad
enough that we're in a strange town, unwelcomed, but to have the bride's family accuse us
of such ludicrous behavior was almost unbearable. My mother was devastated that Jane, whom
she'd desperately tried to foster a good relationship with, would believe that she'd do
something like this. By this time, I was seeing red, but all I could do was cry for my
brother, my mother, and anyone else who had to endure this nightmare.
The next day, we show up prior to the wedding to set up the groom's cake. The cake was
designed to be 3 square tiers with dipped chocolate strawberries cascading down the side,
not my favorite design but it was what the bride had chosen. At the last minute, Jane's
mother had found a beautiful silver pedestal to put the cake on; however, the original
cake had a 12 inch base, and the pedestal was 10 inches. The cake was made with the 10
inch base to fit the pedestal, living little room for cascading strawberries. The cake
decorator didn't attend the wedding, since it was several hours away, so my mother and I
were responsible for putting the strawberries on. Needless to say, the cake wasn't made
for amateurs, such as ourselves, to be placing strawberries on it, but they insisted that
that's what they wanted done. We did the best we could, praying that it wouldn't topple
during the ceremony. Well, it made it through the ceremony, but toppled at the reception.
I've never been so embarrassed in my life!! Back to the part, though, about the groom's
table. We arrived with the cake to find that they had done nothing to the table except
place a coffee urn on it. No decorations were provided, so we had to make last minute
trips to the craft store for decorations, after we'd been told that they'd take care of
it. It was if they deliberately were trying to make fools of us!
The wedding ceremony was beautiful up until the part where the preacher began talking.
The preacher, by the way, was Jane's grandfather, who openly disapproved of my brother.
Throughout the ceremony he made ridiculous, inappropriate statements. He made the comment
that he had refused to marry his 2 daughters and proceeded to ask Jane why she thought she
was so special. He then proceeded to tell the couple that they needed to keep their
problems at home and not broadcast them to the world (specifically to my family-her family
is infamous for making their problems everyone else's-I guess he felt the need to say
this, since they would be living near my family instead of hers). He also told the
audience how much the wedding cost him. My granddad, a very calm, patient, wealthy, but
modest man, was outraged at that comment, and it takes a lot to outrage my granddad.
Several other comments were made, some very accusingly toward my brother, and my mother
and I cried through the whole thing. After the wedding, he had the nerve to tell me and
several of our friends and family that he really hoped that it would last, divorce is a
terrible thing to endure. The whole thing was such a nightmare that we left emotionally
drained.
Things have turned out well, so far, and my brother and sister-in-law are very happy.
Jane is a much more pleasant person now that she isn't caught in the middle of her family
soap opera, and we get along great. It's far from being over with her family, but they
(Jane and John) seem to have done what it takes to live their own lives with as little
interference from them as possible.
Wedhell 0726-02
The gowns were beautiful and obviously custom-made by a skilled seamstress, but they
didn't cover the many tattoos of the bridesmaids. As the minister pronounced them man and
wife, the bride threw her leg up over the groom and made humping motions right there at
the altar! I am NOT making this up, I swear.
There was a three hour lull between the ceremony and the reception, during which the
guests tried to think of something to do without mussing their nice clothes and the
wedding party proceeded to drive all over town, blaring their car horns and getting wildly
drunk.
The home made food at the reception would have served a third of the guests, at best.
Some of it was served up on the table in the battered old pan in which it had been cooked.
Beverages were the cheapest off brand cola served in the can, with MOB standing right
there to police that nobody got more than one can, over the entire reception. During all
that time she complained loudly about the cost of the reception.
The best man's toast emphasized the bride as a "terrible over-achiever"-
well, she DID finish two years of community college, which I feel sure must have been a
first for either side.
I won't even comment on the cake smashing, except to say there's a reason wedding cake
is usually white - chocolate gets stuck in people's teeth and that looks SO fabulous in
the photos!
The elegant bridesmaids dresses came off and the wedding party all changed into
matching lime green polyester pants outfits. I guess they thought that looked better for
the endless money dance. (And God help those who chose not to participate because they
were literally chased around the dance floor by the MOB and various relatives.) The money
was pinned to the clothing of the bride and groom.
How can it be that people don't know that you don't open wedding presents at the
reception? Well, at least it was a respite from the ear-shattering rap music. When the
bride opened an air popcorn maker, the groom stated loudly that it "would match the
air in her head"- embarrassed silence all around until the bride grabbed her new
kitchen knife set and pretended (?) to stab the groom. At that point we made our farewells
and left.
No, we didn't get a thank you card and that's perfectly okay because I don't want this
crew to have my address!!
Wedhell 0727-02
I went to my BIL's wedding the other day and it was for me a very interesting
experience because I have helped plan and coordinate about 40 weddings including my own
and amongst my friends and family I am known for my party planning abilities, I offered to
help for free (I usually collect a small fee) and I have been able to throw beautiful
weddings on many different budget levels, so when they turned me down I figured hey this
will be great they must know what they are doing, they didn't. For starters the wedding
was held at this church in the middle of nowhere, actually it was five miles past the
middle of nowhere. The parking lot at the church held 12 cars and all the guests after
that pretty much had to park down along the road and walk up the hill the church was on.
The church only held 80 people (packed in extremely tightly on the pews) but over one
hundred people were invited and showed up, which meant at least 30 people were standing
packed inlike sardines at the back of the church, luckily the ceremony only took 15
minutes 10 of which the groom or members of the brides family were laughing and telling
jokes. The bride never smiled , not once, at all. The decorations at the church were
minimal, which is fine, except that instead of bows on the pews they had wadded up pieces
of netting that I am pretty sure was supposed to be a bow or at least resemble one I am
not sure. The flower girl wore white which I found odd. On to the reception which meant
you had to leave the church and get back on the main highway (30 miles or so) and then
travel another 40 miles to the reception hall located you guessed it in the middle of
nowhere .. The reception hall held 150 people which meant thankfully everyone got a seat
however we were packed in there because the food table, cake table and gift table took up
the majority of the space. The bridal party table was located on top of a stage of sorts
that gave the effect of the bride and groom towering over you and also made it impossible
to talk to them the bride almost never left the stage because the only set of stairs
leading to it were very small and she almost tripped each time she tried to navigate them.
The food consisted of ham(extremely salty), chicken(dry and tough), scalloped
potatoes(overcooked therefore they were mush), baked beans(actually pretty good), coleslaw
(made with Italian dressing and apparently peppered by the crazy cook from Alice in
Wonderland) , fruit salad(still frozen), cheese slices(starting to melt because of the
heat), and rolls (actually good) . During the meal the MC announces to everyone not to
throw their forks from dinner away unless they want to eat their cake with their hands.
And the only beverages were coffee and punch. Unless you count the sparkling cider for the
toast which everyone got about 1/2 oz. of in a dixie cup. Did I mention that the building
was not air conditioned?? It was about 92 degrees outside so the heat inside was ungodly.
A few things I forgot to mention were that the wedding was held on a Friday night at
5:30pm (kind of an odd time) and the day before the wedding the bride and groom were
asking family members to participate in the wedding as ushers, cake servers, and bridal
book attendant.
For cake servers they got my 13 year old nephew
and 17 year old niece, they had no clue how to cut the cake so people were getting these
giant pieces I noticed that they would run out soon and offered to show them the proper
way to cut a wedding cake the brides mother reprimanded me and told me to sit down. And
sure enough they ran out of cake the brides mothers solution was interesting she went
around with plates and a knife cutting peoples giant pieces in half and giving them to
people that had no cake. I passed and we left.
wedhell 0728-02
I was a recent college grad working 3 jobs to finance a
trip to Europe. A girl I had met on a previous trip (we'll call her Jo) calls me 3 months
before her wedding and asks me to sing at the reception. We agree which song I will sing
and I mark my calendar.
I design a large etched mirror with her name, her fiancés name, and their son's
name as a wedding gift, and have it framed beautifully. It's a large expense, but it would
be an heirloom. I'm that kind of gal. A month before the wedding I get a second call: her
MOH is moving out of town, and would I be able to step in? (hint: when MOHs bail there's
probably a good reason.) So I agree to take on this responsibility feeling sorry for her.
She says she'll send me the fabric and pattern for the dress. I don't sew, and it's May,
the time of proms, weddings and graduations, so there are no seamstresses available.
Believe it or not, my ex-boyfriend offers to sew the dress, though he's only sewn canvas
awnings. We get sent a half-made dress in a size 22 (I am size 11). He does the best he
can, bless him. I drive to the wedding, and it's my first weekend off since I was
originally invited. I meet up with another travelling buddy who is invited and we drive 10
hours to Armpitville ( a city I will avoid naming so as not to insult anyone). We had been
ready to find a hotel, but the bride insisted that as she and her fiancé would be at a
hotel we should use her place. We arrive just in time for the rehearsal, which goes
without a hitch. But now things get ugly. We go to the couple's house for the rehearsal
dinner, and we met by an overwhelming pet stench. Who knew a dog and a boa constrictor
could smell so much? I am formally introduced to the other members of the wedding party.
In particular: the best man and his wife "Ann". Ann takes my hand, pulls me in
close and tells me in my ear that she's a member on the NRA, she has a loaded .357 Magnum
in the trunk of her car, and if I so much as touch her husband she'll blow my f***ing head
off. Charmed, I'm sure. I head for the beer. My friend and I are intercepted by the
bride's chubby preadolescent niece, who regales us with boasts of how smart she is, how
she's surely smarter than we are, and that she can compose poetry in her head on any
subject. She asks for a subject and we suggest "happiness". Her poem went
something like this: Cold razor, cutting through my vein Hot blood, dulls my pain.... Etc.
I don't blame her for being psycho, but you know, we're just here for the weekend. Not
much we can help you with, missy. To change the subject, my travelling friend comments on
how cute Jo's little boy "Jim" is. Jim? Oh my God I thought his name was John!
(remember the etched mirror?) After a hideous meal of hamburger helper tacos the guest
leave and we find ourselves sleeping on the reeking carpet... no guest beds. I try to
sleep, my mind frantically problem-solving how to fix the mirror by the wedding and trying
not to think of what's in the carpet. I awake early the next morning. It's my job to wake
the bride and get her ready for her beauty appointment. I rise to find that the dog has
torn into the garbage and has spread leftover ground beef, salsa, cheese, and stale beer
cups all over the house. I don't want the bride to see this, as it is her big day, so I
clean it all up myself and then wake the bride. the beauty appointment is with a clueless
young beauty student, who takes several HOURS to do Jo's hair. this is actually a boon, as
it gives me a chance to slip out and find a glass etcher open on a Saturday morning. My
karma pays off... not only do I find someone, but he refuses to charge me once he hears my
story. He etches a big double-heart over the kid's name. Tacky, but I'm starting to figure
out that this won't be a problem. I get the bride, who now has a 60's lacquered updo,
bring her home, and the family fun begins. This is apparently a family who hate each
other. They are just unbelievably mean to each other. I am extra nice to Jo, trying to
make up for her spiteful family. Jo's sister is supposedly a beautician, and does Jo's
make up. Now the bride looks like Liz Taylor as Cleopatra... black kohl eyeliner and all.
the whole time they are all sniping at each other. I try to help the bride into her gown.
I could have used a crowbar. It turns out that Jo is pregnant again. I would have been
coughing blood in a gown that tight. My cobbled-together dress is a shapeless shift with
some lace. Even as we are leaving the house, the seams are beginning to separate.... The
wedding itself goes off pretty smoothly, at a lovely gazebo in a city park. The best man's
wife watching me like a hawk, I disengage myself from him as soon as we get down the
aisle. The rain holds off until the ceremony is over, but then the bridal party must stay
for pictures. Two hours of pictures. In the rain. I am holding an umbrella over the bride
as the photographer works, while I get soaked. My shoes are ruined. The bride is beginning
to crack. She had been getting snippy, but now she is screaming at the groom for having a
missing button. She can't believe she married him like that, etc., etc. The groomsmen are
drinking from bottles in their cars and can't be bothered to stay in their tuxes for the
photos. The bride goes over the edge. I start whispering fairy tales into her ear. She is
now dissociating. Later we will find out that the amateur photographer used the wrong
light setting that day. None of the photos turned out. The reception is at a very nice
restaurant. It is formal. No children, please, read the invitation. The groomsmen decide
that the scotch at the bar is not up to snuff and sneak in several bottled of Jack
Daniels. They have brought in their children, who are running around in diapers. They
couldn't even be bothered to dress them. The manager who had scheduled the dinner had been
fired and the order misinterpreted. the dinner is not at all what the bride ordered. I am
seated at the head table with the best man on one side and his wife on the other,
periodically hissing threats of physical violence in my ear. He is clueless. As soon as
the bridal party dance is over, I change to the groom's seat, since he is drinking with
his buddies. As my dress comes apart I continue to tell the bride stories to keep her from
exploding. It's time for my song, and the accompanist hasn't shown. Fine, I sing by
myself. The DJ takes over and the bride turns into a fun-Nazi. She insists that everyone
dance. Now she has decided that this will be the night of her dreams if she has to kill us
to make it so. She is far more interested in her friends who have come to visit than her
groom, who she sees every day. she wants us all to go out on the town, down to the
riverfront, drink until dawn. We just want her to go to the hotel with her new husband. We
trick her into letting us go home with the excuse that we're just going to change into
more comfortable (and for me, complete!) clothing. Once there we plead exhaustion and
convince her to go to the hotel. I help her out of her wedding shoes to find that her feet
are bloodied from her obsessive dancing. She leaves for the hotel with the groom and we
collapse in heaps on the stinking carpet and sleep. In the morning the new couple arrive
at the house and want to go out to breakfast to see us off. We go to a charming sidewalk
cafe. Just as we have ordered our meals the alarm goes off on the building next door. It
is ear-splittingly loud. The police arrive, but find nothing wrong and can't stop the
alarm. It continues for the rest of our meal. I get through it thinking of how soon I can
get in my car and leave this state and this whole weekend behind. I get my one and only
speeding ticket ever on the way home. Within the year the Jo calls me to tell me that
she's considering divorce. It's now 7 years later, and they're still together, two kids,
but I don't keep in touch.
wedhell 0729-02
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