The Whole Thing from start to
finish is a disaster
Jan-Jul 2003 Archive
My fiancé and I decided to marry at 19
years of age. This is very common in my family. My fiancé and I had a
somewhat embattled relationship--we had been engaged previously, but I
called it off, as he did not want to inform his parents. This was just
about the only intelligent thing I did in the course of our relationship.
(I admit that I am ashamed now to think of my odd behavior while in this
relationship, but at least no one has doomed me to Etiquette Hell as of
yet!) Both my fiancé and I were in junior college in a very small town at
the time. My fiancé suddenly decided that he wanted to move to another
state and live with his aunt, uncle, and their three children (that is
another story entirely....). He had long wished to attend the university
near his aunt and uncle's home, and he wanted me to come with him.
Stupidly, I agreed. (I must commend his aunt here, even after some of her
egregious future behavior, for taking in her nephew and his girlfriend,
whom she did not know.)
We had only been living with his aunt and
uncle a number of days when his aunt began nudging us toward marriage.
Even though the family was of no discernible faith and did not attend
church, she felt it was wrong for us to be living together "in
sin" under her roof. We did not wish to cause her any discomfort, and
we did plan on marrying in the future. After a few weeks of his aunt
questioning my morals, my boyfriend and I decided that we might as well go
ahead and get married. My boyfriend seemed to be planning some special
kind of proposal. When we had been engaged before, I wore the ring, but we
did not let on to his parents that it was actually an engagement ring, and
because it was not of a traditional style, they either assumed we weren’t
actually engaged or they didn't press the issue. When I broke the
engagement off, I had given the ring back to my boyfriend. Imagine my
surprise, after we'd moved states and decided to get married, and my now
fiancé (again) is giving subtle hints about a romantic proposal, when my
FMIL calls and says I left my ring behind! That should have been sign
number one that things were not going to go well.
Even after the slight ring debacle, wedding
plans progressed. After all, I’d get my ring at some point, no big deal.
We started planning--wait, let me correct that--I started planning a July
wedding in the area. I couldn't get my fiancé to pay any attention to the
details. Okay, I reasoned, it's just not a guy thing. Once I started
talking about wedding issues, he would pick up his guitar and start
practicing chords, then insist that he was listening to me, even though he
wouldn't offer any opinion on the matter. There was no time that he
"felt like" doing wedding things, such as looking at rings or
registering. I ended up registering for our wedding alone! I began talking
to my mother about wedding plans and ultimately, decided to have the
wedding in a small, Victorian-themed town near where my family lives. At
that point, since my fiancé and I hadn't been able to establish residency
soon enough to attend the university, my fiancé decided that he wanted to
move back to his home state and try to go to school there. We told his
aunt and uncle and started preparing to move again. Since it was nearing
Mother's Day, we decided to stop at my mother's house on the way back and
visit with her for a few days.
While at my mother's house, we had a huge
fight. My fiancé went to the car and calmly started taking my things out
of it. I panicked and began sobbing and literally throwing myself at his
feet, begging him not to go. He explained that we weren't breaking up,
that he was going to go home and find apartments and jobs for us and get
us enrolled in college, and that I should stay here and finalize wedding
plans. We talked and reconciled, and I calmed enough to give him
directions back to his home state.
It was no problem for me to find a job, as
my mother was managing a supermarket deli/bakery that I had worked in
before. I worked at night and planned in the day. I was paying for
everything myself, and even buying groceries for myself and my little
brother, as my mother was out with her boyfriend most of the time. No one,
not my fiancé or anyone else, was helping me with the wedding, though my
mother had purchased a dress and headpiece for me at a secondhand store.
The dress. Oh, the dress. I have nothing
against secondhand dresses. But this dress was not at all what I wanted,
and I found myself near tears the first time I saw it. It was mostly lace,
which I had not wanted, and had what is referred to as a Queen Anne
collar. That is, the sides of the neckline come up around the neck, and
then scoop down and out, creating a sort of keyhole effect. That was the
prettiest part of the dress, actually. The dress was empire waisted, which
is not a style that is kind to large-busted women (it tends to make us
look pregnant) and had odd sleeves, ones that were lace from the shoulder
to just above the elbow, where they became sheer and puffed out. They had
the effect of a tight T-shirt layered over a blouse. The odd sleeves ended
in frilly cuffs, which I hated. The empire waist had an overlaid skirt
effect--two pieces of lace trimmed the sheer fabric, making an inverted V
that started below the dress' waistline. After all the ornamentation on
top--the weird, frilly sleeves and the abundance of lace--little attention
was paid to the bottom, creating a fairly plain train. The headpiece was
one of those 80s beaded, inverted-V headband-style, with a veil pouf at
the back and then a longer piece of veiling attached (it was also highly
uncomfortable). I decided to forego the headpiece, maybe detach the veil
and reuse it with a headpiece of my choosing, cut the weird sleeve bottoms
off and attach cut-out lace flowers to the train. In the end, the dress,
although not what I would have chosen for myself ended up being something
I could live with.
Of course, doing all of the work and
planning myself began to get to me. It was getting dangerously close to
invitation-mailing time, and I needed serious assistance. I asked my
mother for help, and she agreed to help me with the invitations and the
RSVP cards. Even though I was young and didn’t have much money, I was
determined to make this wedding nice, and adhere to proper etiquette as
best I could. I bought pretty paper from a wedding supply store and paid
some friends of my grandparents to print the invitations on their
computer. They turned out beautifully. I had also purchased some
business-type cards in the same pattern at the store, but since they were
individual cards and not part of a sheet, they couldn't be printed. I have
very neat handwriting, and I wasn't worried about the RSVP cards, since my
mother had agreed to help, and her handwriting was even prettier than
mine. That night, my mother went out with her boyfriend. "I’ll be
back to help you," she promised. I sat alone in the house, addressing
envelopes. After a couple of hours, I was finished. No mother. I was
miffed, but there was nothing I could do. I began filling out the RSVP
cards. My mother finally arrived, with her boyfriend and his brother in
tow. Mom was drunk. I was somewhat curt in my greeting of her and her
company. "Why are you being like this?" she snarled. I calmly
directed the question back at her and kept filling out RSVP cards. The
boyfriend and his brother, sensing a bit of tension, left shortly
thereafter. My mother chewed me out for being rude, then proceeded to sit
down beside me and start filling out the RSVP cards--drunk. I can't begin
to tell you how awful they looked. I tried to get her to stop, but she
just yelled at me for starting without her when she’d told me she was
going to help. She asked me what the problem was, and since I am very
non-confrontational and feel ill when I say something that might be
perceived as confrontational, I very carefully considered my words before
I replied. I told her that I was just very stressed with the wedding
planning, and work, and helping her--at which point, she backhanded me. I
burst into shocked tears, then turned back to my cards and got to work on
them, silently crying all the while. (She shamefacedly apologized to me at
work the next day, after I spent the day avoiding her and not speaking
directly to her.)
I got the invitations in the mail and began
final preparations. I had, of course, been speaking with my fiancé on the
phone, and found out that he was not having any luck with the
job/apartment hunt, and he seemed to want to get out of his state and away
from his parents, which I understood, as during our relationship, I had
been exposed to their poor treatment of him many times. He was routinely
referred to as fat, lazy, stupid, and worthless. They alternated between
liking me and treating me poorly as well. The funny thing is, his younger
sister was held to be the jewel of the family, and her boyfriend, who was
her senior by at least ten years and was one of her dad's friends, was
considered part of the family, as they had been together for quite some
time. (And if my fiancé was 19 at the time of our marriage, you can guess
that his sister, being younger than he, had some delicate legal issues in
her relationship.) My fiancé was planning to come up two weeks before the
wedding to help with last-minute preparations. All was smooth sailing.
The "blessed" day finally
arrived. The rehearsal and dinner had gone well, and I had high hopes for
the next day. I had told my MOH and oldest bridesmaid to meet me at the
reception site and we would decorate. I'd had several coworkers and
cousins volunteer to help me decorate as well, so I figured on decorating
for about an hour, then taking my MOH and bridesmaids to the church to get
ready, leaving everyone else to finish. My mother and I got to the
reception site, with my grandparents following us with the cake and punch
(my mother made the cake, and although she "surprised" me with a
cake that was nothing at all like the one I'd requested, I liked it)....
and found no one there. No one else showed up to help with the decoration.
Mom, Grandma and I began dashing around, setting up the cake table and
decorating the other tables. My MOH and oldest bridesmaid showed up when
we were mostly finished, and were going to have to take pictures in an
hour. I told them to go on to the church, and I would be closely behind. I
stopped to use the restroom and found a lovely surprise. Down one pair of
expensive pantyhose. Thank goodness I had backup hose. I went out in my
mother's car to get the candelabras I'd rented for the ceremony. They
didn't fit in the trunk, so I had to put them in the backseat. When I
returned, my brother, a friend of his, and my stepsister were there and
had sent my grandparents on to the church, leaving my mother's car as the
only vehicle. We, and my mother, filed out to the car to try to figure out
how we were going to cram five people into my mother's car and get to the
church. The car wasn't in the space I'd left it...apparently, I hadn't set
the parking brake, and it had rolled into a van. Luckily, no damage was
done, and we sped off toward the church--with me in the passenger side
floorboard. In July.
When we got to the church and I extracted
myself from the car, we saw my in-laws to be. My FMIL was wearing a
halter-top and shorts. I almost convulsed. She had been very anti-wedding
from the beginning, and I took this to be the final protest. I hurried
inside, not wanting to see anymore. I had literally ten minutes to get
ready before we were to take pictures. I managed to get myself dressed,
de-sweated, and made up, and we took pictures (later on, I discovered that
my elbows, dirty from leaning on the counter to apply makeup, were black).
Luckily, FMIL had brought appropriate clothing. My fiancé’s aunt and
uncle and their children had made the trip, and my fiancé’s aunt was
loudly screeching about her son not having a boutonniere. Never mind that
this child played no role in the wedding. She kept loudly demanding a
boutonniere for her son. I no longer remember what we did to pacify her.
The ceremony was without incident
(amazingly), only I was astonished to find the church nearly empty when I
walked out. Seventy guests had RSVP'd that they were coming. Around 30
actually showed. Oh, well, not a problem. We got to the reception site,
and I didn't know what to expect. We had hired a karaoke DJ, but he hadn't
shown up by the time I left for the church. He never showed. (Later on, we
found out that he had a dire family emergency, and he apologized all over
the place for not calling my mother to let her know, but given the
situation, it was understandable.) Thankfully, we had my portable CD
player, which we had used in the church for the processional and
recessional. We just played CDs, which skipped horribly. I had planned on
the reception lasting for a while, so I was very disappointed when, after
30 minutes, people began to pack up. There was nothing I could do to keep
them there, of course, but some of them, since they were from out of
state, wanted us to open our gifts before they left, so we did (which I
now know is a big etiquette no-no). After about an hour, everyone was gone
except the same group that had started the day decorating the site! I
cleaned up after my own reception.
I try to be a fairly good sport and took
most of the disasters in stride, but the final straw was about a month or
so later, when the best man told my husband and me that after the
ceremony, my new MIL had come up to him and asked "so how far along
do you think [my name] is? About five months?" Well, lady, that's got
to be a record-setting gestation period, because over 4 years and one
divorce later, I still haven't had that kid! Unsurprisingly, the marriage
didn't last, and while I hold no real ill will toward my ex, I sure harbor
negative feelings toward his family.
Thankfully, my wedding to my first love,
held last summer, went off smoothly (it was a dream!) and I now have
fantastic in-laws, and a husband to whom I am better suited. And my mother
was not closely included in the wedding planning, but she did provide the
cake, and this time, she stuck to the plan I’d given her.
I am an attorney, and have often been asked
for professional advice, but I never expected to be asked about legal
matters at a wedding. At least, not the way I was.
The summer after Doug and I got married, we attended a disastrous wedding.
The groom's mother was a close friend of my mother in law Ruth. Doug had
met the groom a few times, but they weren't really friends, and Doug had
never met the bride. I never saw a copy of the invitation -- it was mailed
to Ruth, who accepted on behalf of all of us (Ruth, her husband, her
daughter Rose, Rose's boyfriend, Doug and myself.)
The groom was Jewish and the bride Italian, and apparently there had been
some strife throughout the planning because it was a "mixed
The plan was for the couple to get married at a local country club, where
they would also have the reception. The ceremony was set for 4:00, but the
reception would not begin until 7:00. Doug told me that we'd spend the
intervening hours at the groom's mother house.
When Doug and I arrived at the club, we were asked "which
wedding?" This question came out of the blue, because this club
advertises in the newspapers and the ads indicate that there's only one
wedding at a time. It seems that there was a wedding reception in progress
inside the catering hall, and our friends' ceremony was scheduled to take
place outside, on the lawn. We walked around to the back of the building,
where chairs were set up for the ceremony. The area had been beautifully
decorated. But it was so close to the golf course that I feared a stray
ball could accidentally hit one of the guests! (I need not have worried.
The ceremony did not take place out of doors.)
The invitation called for a 4:00 ceremony. The bridal party arrived at
4:20 or so. Then disaster struck. The bride realized she had left the
marriage license at home! Someone was sent to fetch it. The ceremony was
At 4:45, it began to rain. This would not have been a problem if the
marriage license glitch had not happened, as the bride and groom had
planned a short ceremony. But since the ceremony had not begun, it would
have to be delayed until the rain stopped. We all went into the clubhouse.
The clubhouse consisted on a lobby area, a bar where the members could
drink after playing golf, and a catering hall. The catering hall was a
huge room, which could be subdivided with a folding wall. When the room
was subdivided, the smaller section could be set up as a chapel. Our
friends were told that in the event of rain, they could use the chapel.
However, on the day of the wedding, our friends learned that the other
reception was very large, and that the caterer used all available space --
including the space for the chapel -- to set up tables.
So we all stood in the bar. Eventually we realized the rain was not going
to stop. The officiants (a judge and a Rabbi) had to leave, so the
ceremony was performed in the bar, with all the golfers present. There was
no place for the musician to set up his keyboard, so the ceremony was
conducted without music.
Because the ceremony was so late, we never did have time to go back to the
groom's mother's house before the reception. Instead, we watched the staff
clean up from the previous reception and set up for our party. I couldn't
believe it when I saw the wedding cake being wheeled through the bar, but
fortunately, no mishaps occurred.
Finally it was time to go to our party. As I understood it, the club was
to provide all services necessary for the reception -- the music, the
food, the flowers, the photographer, everything. For the most part the
party was ok, but ... the band showed up an hour late. The floral
centerpieces were way too large for the tables, making it difficult to see
others, and the tables were so crowded I felt the plates would fall off!
The other side of the room was served their meal, and the dishes were
already being cleared from the table, before our side of the room was
served. It took so long to serve us that we were joking about stopping at
a diner on the way home. And I never was able to confirm this, but I
believe the photographer was drinking quite heavily during the reception,
and I can only imagine what the pictures must have looked like.
At the end of the evening the groom's mother asked me if she had grounds
to sue the club. I don't know if she ever did, though.
My mother-in-law disliked me from the
beginning simply because her darling youngest son liked to spend his time
with me instead of at home with his parents. We bought my engagement ring
about a year after we started dating, but we wanted to keep it a surprise
until my fiancé actually popped the question. But mother-in-law took it
upon herself to open his mail and saw the bill for the ring. Then when we
announced our engagement, she looked all smug and said she knew it was
Over the course of the next year
mother-in-law would frequently remind us that we didn't *have* to get
married, that we could *always* change our minds. When my fiancé’s
nieces called me "Aunt," mother-in-law would remind them that I
wasn't their aunt yet. When mother-in-law's friends and relatives would
comment on the upcoming wedding, she would whine about how hard it was
going to be for her since we so inconveniently chose to set the date for
two weeks after the due date of her third grandchild (though we set the
date before the child was conceived) and how she would be SO busy with the
rehearsal dinner and the grandchild ... not to mention that her last child
(age 25) was leaving home, and how would she ever cope with it??? BOO-freakin'-HOO.
I had five bridal showers (church, my side
of the family, my college friends, his side of the family, a "honey
do" shower my aunt felt like hosting). Mother-in-law was invited to
three of these showers (the other two were young-people-only), as was my
mother. My mother brought a gift to every shower; mother-in-law never
brought a single gift. Not one. She had bought a cookware set and a
stainless steel silverware set about 20 years before for each of her
children. We got this, but she didn't wrap it or even present it as a
gift. We just lugged it out of the closet after we were married and took
it home. It wouldn't have taken that much effort to slap a little wrapping
paper on it. But she was the one who made herself look bad; at all the
showers, people would look at what my mom gave and ooh and ah and then ask
what mother-in-law brought. And I would shrug and try to play it off, but
it was obvious she brought NOTHING.
When fiancé’s brother and one other
groomsman found out that the tux rental would cost $84, they both flipped
out. Fiancé called me saying they thought it was too expensive and that
the tuxes from their weddings (almost 10 years previous) only cost $50.
Fiancé even suggested he could help his brother with the cost of the tux.
I said, "NO FREAKIN' WAY!" My bridesmaids had to pay for their
$120 dresses and hadn't batted an eyelash, so it wasn't fair for his dumb
brother to get his tux paid for.
Then there was his sister. Her baby was due
two weeks before the wedding, but she insisted she had to be a bridesmaid
anyway. I talked to the bridal shop, and they told me there was no way of
knowing what size she would be post-pregnancy and that there wouldn't be
time to order another dress at the last minute (not to mention, she'd have
to eat the cost of the wasted dress). I told sister-in-law what the bridal
shop said (they didn't sound optimistic) and that it wouldn't hurt my
feelings if she decided to back out. She didn't take the hint.
Fortunately, she only gained 12 pounds during her pregnancy and fit
beautifully in her dress (though she was a bit top-heavy from the
Speaking of dresses, mother-in-law waited
until the last minute to look for hers. She asked what color my mother's
was, and I told her it was lavender. Then she picked out two dresses, one
of which was lavender. And of course the one she decided to keep was
Mother-in-law decided that she would cook
the rehearsal dinner herself. We set the time for the rehearsal dinner at
6, which meant that one of my bridesmaids and one of the groomsmen had to
take off work early and haul it to get ready and to the church (out in the
boonies) on time. Lo and behold, mother-in-law served dinner a full hour
late ... all because she was waiting on her world-famous homecooked rolls
to get ready.
Then came the wedding. Somehow -- in spite
of frequent reminders -- my fiancé got mixed up about what time he and
his family were supposed to arrive for the photos. He and his family were
supposed to get there at 1 to take their photos, giving me a little extra
time to get my hair done. My hair lady took forever, so I was a little
behind. I called the church, and they said my fiancé had just arrived a
few minutes after 1 with his dad. They were wearing jeans! His mom was
still at home finishing getting ready, and SHE had the tuxes. I was
FURIOUS!!! By the time she got there and they got their pictures done, we
were an hour behind! People were arriving for the wedding while we were
still finishing up the pictures.
Of course, sister-in-law missed out on half
the pictures because she kept having to duck into a Sunday school room to
nurse the baby. She also kept yelling at brother-in-law because he had no
idea what to do with a screaming newborn. Why oh why didn't she just let
her mother-in-law keep him that day like she offered???
My parents paid for the photographer, yet
both my sisters-in-law had the nerve to get mad that the photographer
didn't take their family portraits. Sister-in-law #1 insisted that the
photographer take photos of her with Flower Girl #1 (her daughter) and
also several pictures of just Flower Girl #1. There are no photos of just
Flower Girl #2. Sister-in-law #2 wanted a picture of her whole little
family, since her 1-year-old son (who was not in the wedding) was dressed
up with a mini-tie on. She didn't ask for the picture, though -- only
complained later that she didn't get it.
The wedding and reception both turned out
really nice (even though all the groomsmen promptly changed into the most
casual clothes they could find), and I was happy. Then came the getaway.
My fiancé knew that his brother was
planning something for our getaway, and we didn't want his new truck
damaged, so we brought his old truck and didn't tell anyone that we were
REALLY taking a limo. In the past, people had put baby powder in the vents
and smeared Vaseline on the windows, so we wanted to avoid that. They
decorated the old truck with shaving cream, saran wrap, etc. We went out
and looked at it and had our picture taken with it. Then we changed out of
our wedding clothes into nice getaway outfits. The limo pulled up, and we
did the whole garter/bouquet thing. As we headed for the limo, fiancé’s
brother and another groomsman moved in. These were the same two who
complained about the price of the tuxes. They had a bucket of ice, and
they tried to pick my fiancé up and turn him upside down to pour the ice
down his pants (this is what people did to brother-in-law at his wedding).
I find none of these little pranks even remotely amusing. In fact I hate
them, and I had told everyone so. Fortunately, my fiancé put up one hell
of a fight (even busting the lip of the groomsman), and they finally just
dumped the bucket of ice on his back.
I was standing back being pissed because I
was getting half-trampled in the scuffle, and I was worried about my
fiancé’s nice outfit getting ruined. When I saw that he got off pretty
light, I was okay, but I shot brother-in-law some evil death glares first.
Arg. My wedding was mostly good, but I hope
I never have to coordinate anymore efforts with the tacky in-laws. WedHell
I can't describe this wedding reception in
detail, as it would get me banned from association with the family if they
discovered I posted this story, but I'll try to get across to you what I
found so tacky and hellish about this reception. It was a series of bad
ideas on the part of the bride's family. (As a note, the bride is really a
sweet girl, her parents are just clueless.) We'll leave the wedding out of
this for now.
Bad idea#1 Put on the invitation that the
reception for a December evening semi-formal wedding will be held at the
bride's family home, right after the wedding at the church. Don't mention
that it will be outside in the yard. With no heaters. It was the
mid-South, true, but the temperature was easily and not unexpectedly 45
degrees at dusk, and falling. There were elderly people attending who were
Bad idea#2 Ask everyone to RSVP, but don't
provide enough tables (or have extras for overflow if you suspect you may
have that), and leave the guests to scrounge for extra lawn chairs
themselves. Have no place cards or seating charts, so that members of the
groom's close family find themselves seated on plastic chairs with no
tables, at the edge of the lawn.
Bad idea#3 Provide no good lighting over
the buffet table, so that guests go back to their seats to discover
they've poured gravy over Jell-O salad, not dressing. Of course, by the
time half of the guests get through the line, it's all stone cold anyway.
Bad idea#4 Serve the meal on paper plates
with plastic utensils. Sawing cold meat on a paper plate balanced on a lap
will provide some real challenge. Have no one hired to pick up the plates
- put out barrels for the guests to bus their own tables.
Bad idea#5 For drinks, provide beer and
sodas in coolers full of ice. Have no servers to retrieve them, and no
glasses. Let the guests squat down and rummage in the ice water until they
find what they want, then drink from the wet, freezing cold cans or
bottles. Don't serve coffee or hot tea. Only cold drinks.
Bad idea#6 Although the groom's family, for
the large part, drinks unsweetened or artificially sweetened non-alcoholic
drinks, and contains a card-carrying diabetic, provide no drinks that
aren't alcoholic or full of sugar. When the diabetic finds you in the
moving crowd and politely asks if she could just have a glass of water
with her meal, tell her sure, then disappear - for the remainder of the
Bad idea#7 Even though the young newlyweds
are both lifelong members of a conservative church (which frowns on
drinking alcohol, by the way), and the crowd is largely church members and
old conservative relatives, have the young self-satisfied DJ play, for the
first song, a high-school-type obnoxious and overt sex song. The kind
drunk young boys like to sing at parties. Have him play it really loudly.
Bad idea#8 Don't have a receiving line, and
don't encourage the new couple to visit the tables. Don't introduce
yourselves or any of the bride's family to any of the groom's extended
family, some of whom drove 2 days to be there. (I blame the bride and
groom, and his family for this one too, although I admit they were
floundering with the rest of us).
This wasn't everything, but you get the
picture. After enjoying all this food and hospitality and turning into an
ice cube, as soon as the cake was served, I ran down the couple to wish
them well and drove off into the black, cold night with my heater
blasting. I am so glad you have this site so that I can get this off my
I have to tell you about a Wedding we went
to last weekend.
We show up and were told to go directly to our tables for the reception
where the Bride will be out to make a statement (both were held at the
OK, what happened... We did not see any Groom!!!!
Wedding was to be at 4:30, snacks at 5:00, Dinner at 6:00pm...
We drink and eat until 6:00pm
Everyone in Wedding party introduced, Bride comes out crying...
"Please excuse me if I read from this paper, it's notes I made so I
can keep my thoughts straight while talking."
Groom is British. Got Marriage license. Met with INS, got approval, but
Visa papers not in yet.
Best Man is British friend. 1 week before wedding on Saturday night, Groom
says: "What do you want to do while you are here?" Best Man
answers: "I want to go to Canada."
They get into Canada, but when they try to come back into the US......
Family and butt load of lawyers fly up to Toronto. Can't do anything.
Groom gets shipped back to Great Britain...
Bride gets pictures taken on Golf Course with no Groom.
Bride hates getting dressed up.
Groom has yet to see his Bride in wedding dress looking so beautiful.
Groom has the Best Man read a letter. Guests throw fruit and rolls at Best
Groom calls and reports that he is at his parents house in England cutting
Everyone drinks and eats and laughs at idiot Groom while consoling Bride.
Groom is stuck in England until Visa papers are mailed to him. -Maybe in 3
...And they lived happily ever after...
There once was a Bride and a Groom, who
asked the G’s father (a minister) to perform their wedding in his
church. Plans are going along very nicely until the B suddenly decides she
is no longer going to speak to her future MIL. She’s obviously majorly
upset about something, but won’t tell anyone what it is, and makes no
attempt to try to reconcile things. G is just as evasive (considering he
lived with a woman and her son before meeting Bridezilla, and asked the
entire family to keep mum about it as the bride was supposedly a virgin
and would never consider marrying someone who ever lived with anyone else,
it is the general consensus that he’s the culprit…he obviously lied to
her family about his family and, as was found out recently, lied about his
family to her family…very strange…)
Moving forward…the FOG (the minister) has
had other commitments planned for months the evening the B&G have
chosen for their rehearsal, but offered to have someone stand in for him
or explained they could change to the day previous to that one and he
could be there, neither of which was acceptable to Bridezilla. It’s her
way or no way. FOG is never told what they are planning to do, but has the
church opened and available for them for their rehearsal to take place.
The MOG, at this point, is so fed up with Bridezilla’s behavior, she
announces she is boycotting the wedding and will NOT attend, which doesn’t
Running into Bridezilla and G the night
before the wedding, they are asked if they are ready for the wedding, and
the reply is that they are ready, but that the FOG might be upset. When
asked why, G states that they have arranged for ANOTHER MINISTER to marry
them in the FOG’s church!!! Now, it’s customary for ministers to call
each other when this kind of situation arises, but as you will see, this
OBVIOUSLY didn’t happen.
Knowing the father is probably hurt and
upset, he is called and asked if he would like to sit with the rest of the
family during the ceremony…he stated he couldn’t because he was
performing it…THEY NEVER CALLED HIM!! It’s the day before the wedding
and neither of them had the nerve to even tell him he wasn’t going to be
performing the wedding…which was in his own church!! When the situation
was explained to him, he was deeply hurt and agreed to sit with the rest
of the family.
The day of the wedding arrives; the FOG and
family arrive to find that there have been no seats reserved for them. The
wedding was totally freakish. The B, who has no adult friends of her own,
has her students (something like 15 of them) aged 5 to about 16 as her
attendants (the 16 year old being her sister, and the oldest girl in the
wedding party). There are only 5 groomsmen, and when they process into the
church, they turn around towards the audience and pose in specifically
chosen areas throughout the front of the church. It was totally
choreographed and people’s jaws dropped NOT because it was beautiful,
but because it was just so bizarre. Adult men surrounded by all these
Then the bride walks down the isle…what a
sight!! She wore this HUGE gown that puffed out like a big marshmallow,
and it was obviously SUPPOSED to be floor length, but missed by about a 6
inches!!! Her ankles were showing!!
After the wedding, the reception line is
formed and when the FOG approaches, the FOB PULLS him out of line and
proceeds to chew him out…IN HIS OWN CHURCH…IN FRONT OF THE GUESTS! The
FOG, who is a very gentle person, just let him make himself look like an
Speaking of wedding fashion…The MOB also
wore the most hideous, BROWN business suit to this wedding…she did not
dress up at all…it was as if it were another day at the office! We were
totally shocked!! She is a story all unto herself. The SOG’s son was
their ring bearer and has ADHD. The boy, who is maybe 5, starts to cry
because he doesn’t want to stand in this long receiving line. The SOG
thought it best to take him home before the reception explaining to the
MOB that she didn’t feel receptions were the place for children (oops…she
must have forgotten that there was nobody in the entire wedding party but
children!! Her faux pas!) AND that his medication would soon be wearing
off and she didn’t want him to make a scene. The MOB says (between
clenched teeth), "No…you…will…NOT! We have a seat reserved for
him at the head table!" As the SOG and her husband are standing
outside in the rain, discussing the entire family’s horrendous behavior
and debating whether to attend the reception themselves, the MOB strides
up, overhearing the conversation, with the crying RB in tow, and says,
"You don’t HAVE to…here’s your son!" We, who witnessed
this, were TOTALLY appalled!!
When they arrive at the reception, the
family of the G found that theirs is at the very back of the room…keeping
in mind there were members who had traveled 4 hours to get to this fiasco!
One of the uncles though…to his credit…had $1000 in a card for the
B&G. When he had seen all the things that went on and how his family
members were being treated, he opened the card, and took everything out
but a $10 bill!!
The ending of this story? G and Bridezilla
ignored everyone from the G’s side of the family from the moment they
walked through the receiving line to this very day… WedHell 0925/03
A few years ago, I drove to California to
see my older brother get married. It was an absolute disaster. I have
never seen so much go wrong at a wedding, like this massive comedy of
errors with seemingly no end.
My future SIL ordered her dress from a well-known bridal shop. Three days
before the wedding, we arrived for her final fitting to discover that the
shop had lost her dress. They searched high and low for it, but could not
find it anywhere. She cried hysterically until another customer happened
to phone in and say that she had just been sent home with the wrong dress.
Luckily, she brought it back in and it was our bride's gown. I told her
that every wedding has its snags, and that since she had just hit hers,
her wedding day should be snag-free. I was SO WRONG.
The wedding party was small and intimate: her two sisters, and me. She
didn't care if we had matching dresses or not, just so long as they were
all baby pink and long. Her older sister, angry and resentful that she was
not yet engaged (or even dating anyone for that matter, since she had just
been dumped two weeks before), showed up the morning of the wedding in a
hot pink and red short dress. It was the tackiest thing any of us had ever
seen. She was trying to upstage the bride, and everybody knew it. Their
mother began to shriek "OH MY GAWD!!! GET THAT SLUTTY THING OFF!!!
YOU LOOK LIKE A SLUT!!!" But big sister said she had exchanged the
baby pink long dress for this one, and that’s all she had to wear.
The bride got upset and fought with her sister, screaming "HOW CAN
YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!" She had an absolute panic attack, and asked
her mother for a glass of wine to help her calm down. Her mother rushed to
her side with a glass of white wine, and she guzzled it and took a deep
breath. She removed her clothes to get into her wedding gown, and we were
shocked to see that she was absolutely sunburned. You could see the
outline of her bikini top and straps in white, against her now red and
slightly blistering skin. She cried into her second wineglass as we tried
to carefully put her gown on. The back was exposed behind strands of
beading, and you could see the outline of her sunburn in the most awful
way. Her jealous older sister was sure to point this out, and that only
made the bride cry more. Which made her mother pour her more wine.
By the time the ceremony was to begin, the bride was DRUNK. As was the
older sister, who's ex boyfriend was in the wedding party as my brother's
best man as well. He had arrived with another date who was much more
beautiful than my soon-to-be SIL's older sister, and she drowned her
We lined up outside two double doors to walk out and begin the ceremony.
As we all began to march down the aisle to the bride's favorite Enya CD,
people in the room where the ceremony was being held complained that they
couldn't hear the music. So the bride's mother grabbed the speakers and
put them under her arms, and proceeded to try to run into the main room
with them so everyone could hear. (They had been previously placed in the
doorway). She ran too far with them, and yanked them out of the main
board. There was a sudden silence, and no one seemed to know how to fix
the problem. The bride had to stagger drunk down the aisle to no music,
with her drunk older sister shouting out "YEAH! YEAH!" for no
reason that we could fully comprehend.
When she and my brother went to light the unity candle, the flame went
out. Three times. And when he had to jump on a wineglass covered by a
cloth in front of the Rabbi, he tripped into the Rabbi and missed the
glass entirely. Each time something went wrong, a drunken "YEAH!
YEAH!" would emerge from her big sister in her flashy hot pink and
At the reception, the DJ was hysterically screamed at by the bride's
father, when the very first song that he played (and dedicated to the new
couple by the way) was "You've Lost That Loving Feeling". The
bride broke into sobs as he dedicated it to them and began to play it, and
her father ran over to the DJ and let him have it. Her sister staggered up
to her ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend, and began to pull his new
girlfriend's hair. She was removed from the reception and sent to one of
the rooms in the hotel to lie down and rest. I never saw her again for the
remainder of the reception.
The DJ then proceeded to eat TWO of the main entrees ordered for the
guests, without anyone's permission. There was exactly one entree ordered
per attending guest, each plate totaling $80. So he ate $160 worth of
food, and two guests had to go with no dinner. Then the bride's father
refused to pay the DJ the remainder of the money owed, and demanded the
deposit back. The DJ fought with the bride's father in front of everybody,
and my brother suddenly lost it. He began screaming at the DJ and everyone
stood there in shock. Finally everything calmed down a bit, and apologies
went out to everyone who had to witness this. People began to leave left
and right, much earlier than intended. The bride was so upset and so drunk
by this point, that she threw up on her dress, and passed out cold for the
She and my brother got divorced two years later. They still reside in
California, and have a daughter named Chloe with whom they share joint
custody. My brother has had a new girlfriend for two years now, but
refuses to ever get married again.
"You've lost that luuuuuvin feeeeeeeeelin... now its GONE... GONE...
When I tell people what happened at my
wedding, they can’t believe it. I’m not making a single bit of this
awful story up, though I wish I were. I never wanted to have a wedding,
but we ended up going through with a semi-traditional ceremony to please
my mother’s ultra-religious family. In retrospect, we should’ve just
gone to Vegas. Well, here’s my story . . .
My husband and I met at a dance club where
he was working security, 6 months before he finished college and went into
the Navy as an officer. We decided to give the long-distance thing a shot
and, obviously, it worked out. We couldn’t really afford a wedding until
we realized that military personnel who are married but live separately
make almost twice their usual salary.
We went to a justice of the peace in secret
and then set a date for later in the year, saving up enough money to get a
dress, cake, church, etc…
When we announced our engagement to his
family, my husband's father told me that I was "the best girl he'd
ever brought home," and that he'd be "proud to call [me] a
daughter-in-law." I thought this was incredibly sweet since I hadn't
been too sure if his family liked me or not. We'd only met a few times
and, with my now-husband spending so much time away with the Navy, he
preferred to be exclusively with me during downtime and not traipsing all
over the state visiting people.
My husband had told me stories about his
step-mother, most of which were benign, but a few that made me think he
was skewing the story a bit to make her look worse. Little did I know how
true those things were.
At our co-ed bridal shower, his stepmother
took me aside to tell me that she "felt sorry" for me and that
my husband was a "real handful," that she'd never been able to
get along with him and she wished me luck "dealing with him."
I'm not the world's most polite and
soft-spoken gal - I'm pretty loud and outgoing among friends and, based
upon the amount of colors my hair has been, one might think I'd be brash
and outspoken. I was so shocked by this statement, however, that I
couldn't even respond to her. I just walked away from her but heard my
maid of honor say what a great guy he actually was and that maybe the step
mom should get to know him better . . .?
After the shower, my husband got an email
from her, stating that she was "really unhappy with the way things
had gone." When he asked her to explain, she refused, just stating
that we should all be aware of how upset she was. We just let it go.
The night of the rehearsal, however, was
MUCH more fun. After being informed that I was rude to my future
brother-in-law's girlfriend, I was told that she felt I should have been
more attentive to her. This, of course, was the first time I'd ever met
her and, needless to say, I'd been a little nervous that night.
In the hotel around midnight, my husband's
brother called, drunk, asking if he could come over and "talk."
My bridesmaid that answered the phone said sure. He came to my room and
proceeded to tell me that my husband was, basically, a loser who couldn’t
commit. He said that any man who would go out with his friends and leave
his fiancée at the hotel alone was awful.
Lots of trash talking before he just made a
pass at me, trying to kiss me on the mouth, neck, and shoulder. I rejected
his advances, at which point he stumbled back into the hall after and got
into a fistfight with his girlfriend (and mother of his children). The
best part was that I was on one end of the hotel and they were on the
other, but we could hear them screaming at one another in the middle of
the night. Very Jerry Springer.
The wedding, itself, involved my husband's
father. On that morning, I came out of the suite where I'd stayed the
night with my bridesmaids and started on some coffee and a cigarette
(trashy, I know). His father came out of the room (coincidentally, it was
right next to mine) and sat down. He took a long look at me and said
"So. Why is it that your dad's such a [f-ing] loser that he can't
keep a job and pay for your wedding?"
Of course, my mouth fell open. My father
had been diagnosed with a benign brain tumor on his optical nerve which,
though not malignant or cancerous, does cause him to go blind for short
periods of time and caused him to lose a job, which he was currently
trying to battle legally.
My husband and I had told his family about
this, which was why I was upset, but mostly, I started crying because he
said this to me on the morning of my wedding, which I thought was
incredibly thoughtless and tacky. I stated stonily, "My father is ill
and I'm old enough to pay for my own damn wedding," then I went into
the suite and bawled.
When I got to the site of the wedding, I
was met with a note that the woman who was heading up the signing of the
guestbook would not be joining us a she "had a headache." This
woman's disabled daughter - with whom I'd worked in a social services
setting for over eight years - and fifteen year-old son were both in my
wedding, but she'd decided she was displeased with me. As best as I could
tell, it was because I was getting married and she thought I wouldn't work
with her daughter anymore.
The actual ceremony went smoothly. Luckily,
we'd written the entire thing ourselves, not just our vows, so there
wasn't any of that "If anyone here objects" stuff. Who knows how
many people in his family would have stood up and shouted?
A couple of days after the wedding, my
husband was called back to base as a result of the September 11th tragedy.
We had no honeymoon and I was left alone, receiving emails from his
stepmother chiding me for accusing my brother-in-law of hitting on me. Of
course, I hadn't spoken a word about it to anyone. As it turns out, my
husband's brother told someone and rumors started flying. The stepmother
also explained to me that my family was very rude to them and that they
were disappointed in the entire affair.
The step mom also explained to me how she
felt we should never have gotten married at all and that she was sorry,
but she figured things wouldn't work out between us, so she just hadn't
said anything all along. Sooner or later, she said, we'd realize what a
terrible mistake we were making, but she couldn't believe we made it all
the way up to an actual wedding.
When I told my husband all of this on the
phone one night, he confided to me that his best man had experienced the
following: after the rehearsal dinner, the stepmother had pulled the best
man aside and pleaded with him to talk my husband out of going through
with the wedding. She wanted him to take my husband to a strip bar, get
him liquored up, pay for some lap dances, and make him see the error of
Eventually, I sat down and wrote a long
letter to that family. Of course, I went through many versions - the
angry, hateful version, the sad, pleading one, the fuming, swearing one. I
eventually settled on expressing my disappointment and apologizing for
things for which I didn't actually feel responsible, but wanting to patch
stuff up for my husband's sake. I told them that we all needed to accept
half of the blame and that, for every one thing I'd done that they felt
was terrible, they should realize what terrible things they'd said to me.
The letter didn't go over well and I haven't spoken to any member of my
husband's family in almost three years.
My husband and I decided to let him have
whatever kind of relationship he felt comfortable having with his family
and, as long as it didn't intrude on big plans we may have made, I would
step quietly aside and find something else to do.
To tell the truth, I prefer it that way.
Just this past June I was in my fifth
wedding. Always a bridesmaid and never a bride they say...
Well, my friend was only 18 years old,
marrying a guy who was 20. His family was very well off and was insisting
on paying for the majority of the wedding. It wasn't a huge deal, but
something that infuriated the bride's parents. There were numerous
disagreements over who should be paying for what and a lot of things were
bought twice ( i.e. wedding favors and WHOLE stocks of invitations).
The guest list was a mess. Both sets of
parents were insisting that various people be invited...some of which my
friend and her fiancé had never heard of before. Out of the total 250
guests that were invited, only 20 of them were actual friends of the bride
The wedding party was another disaster. The
bride was unsure of who to have for her maid of honor, seeing as how she's
equally close with me as she is with another of our friends. She solved
the problem by having her cousin who she'd only met once as her maid of
honor. The bride's sister wasn't even being considered for the bridal
party, since my friend was still bitter that she had not been the maid of
honor at her wedding...but she eventually did end up in the bridal party.
The rehearsal did not go well. At the last
minute, one of the groomsmen said that he couldn't make it, so the groom
had to call some of his distant relatives and ask them if they would stand
up for him. After finding another groomsmen, the rehearsal continued, but
not very well. The bride and her mother began to argue over the song that
we should walk up the aisle to, her father started lecturing the groom on
his mannerism, and the two sides of the family began arguing over which
person was getting the most rotten deal; the bride or the groom.
The wedding day started out at the hair
salon where we all had to get the same hairstyle. My hair is quite long
and it was impossible for my hair to be done the same as everyone else’s.
The bride ranted and raved that it HAD to be the same, which left the
hairdresser frazzled and my hair looking like I had purposely done it up
in a rats nest. The tiaras that were to worn in our hair were too small
for our heads and gave us severe headaches long before the ceremony began.
The hairdresser, trying to make up for my bad hairdo, began to make
everyone else’s look the same. It resulted in the lot of us back at the
bride's house completely redoing out hair...after paying a handsome fee to
have them done in the first place.
The bride was in a terrible mood that
nothing was working out as planned and was taking it out on everyone else.
The paper flowers that were to be put on the cars were still sitting in
their bags as we were ready to head out to the ceremony.
We purposely left the house 15 minutes
after the ceremony was to be started, because my friend wanted to be
'fashionably late'. We waited in the back of the church for the music to
play...just as the bride's ex boyfriend shows up and begins to chat with
the bride. Her father told him to take a hike, and the ceremony began.
I began to walk down the aisle with one of
the groomsmen, but just then the father of the bride ran down the aisle.
He had forgotten the bride's wedding band. My friend was livid and began
yelling at him. She refused to use a dummy ring, and insisted that he go
back to the hotel...half an hour away...and get the ring. The groom had
already taken his place at the front of the church, with his back to
everyone, waiting for his bride to walk down the aisle. Well, he stayed
that way for an entire hour...no one told him what was going on! And he
didn't want to turn around out of superstition.
When we finally had the rings, the rest of
the ceremony went off without a hitch.
Off to get the wedding pictures...but only
after a container of bubble liquid was spilled down the front of my
dress...right in front of my chest...which made me look like I was
lactating. All the wedding pictures capture that fact...to the chagrin of
the bride. The place where we had wanted to take the pictures was no
good...someone had forgotten to cut the waist deep grass. We drove around
looking for another place and finally found a nice park. Another wedding
party was there, and we had to wait around for them to finish taking
We were 2 hours late for the
reception...with all the guests waiting rather impatiently...since they
had had strict orders that they were not allowed to come to the picture
taking session...I still don't know why.
The speeches were awful...the father or the
groom talked for 20 minutes...the entire time it was about the bride. If
he had been trying to make it a secret he had a huge crush on his now
daughter-in-law, he had then blown it. The bride's family talked only of
her older sister, and what a great husband she had. No mention was made of
the bride herself.
After a painful few hours, the happy couple
changed into their going away outfits...the bride's being an old dress of
her mother-in-laws that absolutely did NOT fit her...it was entirely too
They had rented a Mustang to drive away
in...only a few short blocks to the hotel they would be staying in for the
evening...the of course, got in a serious accident on the way there.
Needless to say, they were so exhausted and upset to enjoy their wedding
As for the rest of us...we were glad it was
Troy was marrying his long-time girlfriend
Rhea (names changed). The ceremony itself went off fine, but the reception
was a horror to behold. First of all, when the bride and groom arrived,
the DJ made a big deal about introducing them. He made all the guests
stand in two lines so the bride and groom could run in between them
(presumably getting high-fives all the way). On the microphone, just was
the bride and groom were about to make their entrance, he announced them
with the completely WRONG names. The bride got very angry and yelled the
correct names from the other end of the hall, calling the DJ a moron in
Next up, the caterer was a woman operating out of her home and she was 90
minutes late. For that entire time, there was nothing to do but drink, so
most of the guests were extremely drunk by the time the caterer burst into
the door of the hall. She quickly set up the buffet, and then the idiotic
DJ announced that the food was ready, so "come and git it!" so
we all did. The bride ran in front of the buffet table waving her arms and
yelling, "no! Wedding party first!" But she was literally run
over by the drunk, hungry hoard of 300 people who had been staring at
their hands waiting two hours for the food. When I finally got my plate of
roast beef, green beans and rolls, I was shocked by the fact that it was
freezing cold! Apparently the caterer was in such a rush to get the food
out, she had neglected to heat it.
Now this wedding was in the middle of July on probably the hottest day of
the year. The air conditioning in the hall broke about an hour into the
reception, so the garage door at the end of the hall was opened as were
all of the doors. Still, everyone, including the bride, was sweating
through their clothes. The bridesmaids were fluffing her dress, trying to
cool her off, but showing all the guests her underwear in the process. The
father of the groom turned up in a wife-beater and some spandex shorts
(his tux having been shed due to the heat) having purchased all the
electric fans located in a 10 mile radius. The fans were set up, but that
precipitated a new problem as the paper mache decorations began to blow
apart and fly around the hall.
A little while later, the alcohol ran out and so most of the guests
departed for a local bar, located about a block away. The bride again took
matters into her own hands and tried to stop the departing guests at the
door. She became angry with some and started yelling at people outside of
the hall as they walked away. We left soon after this.
Your site is great and thanks for helping
trying to maintain SOME veneer of civilization in a world that's fast
Thought you might enjoy the story of a
"Tres Tacky" wedding I went to in 1982. My roomie and worked
with "Lucy" who was dating a total loser named "Ken."
We all thought she could do better (which wouldn't have taken much with
this guy) but when she became enceinte there wasn't much we could do but
wish them well and pray hard.
Lucy's mom had paid for her sisters'
weddings and grudgingly agreed to do the same for Lucy, but on HER terms.
Ken was out of work (again) and couldn't help at all, so her mom had carte
blanche to call the shots. Lucy's sisses had gotten church weddings
(albeit modest) but she claimed she was tapped out by those and had come
up with an alternate location: the bar where she worked. Her boss had
agreed to let her have the ceremony there after hours.
Lucy isn't really happy about being married
in a bar, but oh well. Mom says she can't afford a wedding gown, either,
and sends Lucy to the consignment store.
Lucy turns down a lovely, tasteful pink
ball gown in favor of the traditional white. The problem is, the only
dress that color is a skintight, strapless sheath dress. Lucy's pregnant
belly looks like a basketball beneath it and when she tries to dress for
the wedding, the zipper gets stuck. She sucks in her gut but no good. Her
sister tries to force it and busts the zipper.
Lucy is in tears. Finally somebody loans
her a metallic (this is the 80s, remember) gold shawl with long fringe to
drape over herself and somebody else loans her a butterfly brooch.
Outside, Ken has already begun to celebrate
and is quite drunk. He tells everyone how tight his tux is and how choked
his "twins" are. He says it's a good thing he's already going to
be a father, because he's sure his juice is being choked off. The poor
dear has to grab his crotch every six seconds to rescue his poor smothered
Finally, this horror show really gets
going. Lucy wanted the bridal march, but her mom says no, just pick a love
song out of the jukebox. She'll start it up, then cancel out the song when
Lucy gets to the "altar" (the JP is standing on the dais, in
front of the absent live band's equipment). Lucy and Ken have picked the
country-western song "Just You and I." So it starts, and Lucy,
who can barely walk in this dreadful dress, manages to wriggle up there.
Mom tries to stop the jukebox, and only succeeds in getting the record
stuck. The jukebox is whining "Just You and I, Just You and I, Just
You and I" and people are starting to giggle while mom shrieks
Anglo-Saxon words. Finally my roomie runs over and pulls the plug out of
The wedding proceeds. Ken, when asked if he
"does" loudly says, "Well, hell, I guess so!" and
cackles. The best man, who's equally drunk, pops him one.
They were supposed to walk back down the
"aisle" to "I Wouldn't Have Missed It For the World" (roomie
and I were certainly wishing we had) but the jukebox is still unplugged.
Roomie runs over and plugs it back in. Mom makes everyone wait while she
does this. Lucy and Ken walk grandly to the other side of the bar where
the cake table is (about fifty feet) but mom is afraid the jukebox will
stick again so she makes them stand there with stupid grins until the song
The wedding cake comes from a grocery
store. Drinks are free, but you have to tell mom what you got so she can
ring it up on the cash register. The bar's owner will bill her for it at
the end of the night.
With no money to spare for a honeymoon
after this lavish affair, Ken and Lucy are supposed to go back to his
trailer for the night, but somebody passes the hat and they head off to
the Holiday Inn for their wedding night. Ken has told everybody in the bar
that if Lucy wasn't knocked up before she definitely will be in the
morning. He lifts his leg, massages his aching twins, and laughs
uproariously. Nobody else seems to find this funny except Lucy. Nobody has
told her about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and she's pretty soused now too.
Ken leaves Lucy three months before the
baby is born. Seems he had been spreading his seed around freely and he is
expecting a second child. He thinks this mom is a more attractive model
than Lucy. The divorce is final a week after Lucy's child is
born. WedHell 1224/03
First, let me commend you on this site! I
spend several hours at a time reading these wedding horror stories and
they are truly entertaining. I think it's a great idea to let women (and
men) who are dealing with wedding disasters know that their situations are
not the end of the world.
But on to this "wedding". When I
was in college, two of our friends, "Danny" and
"Sandy", who had been dating for quite sometime decided they
wanted to make their relationship official and get married. He proposed to
her at one of the major campus events, on stage, in front of nearly 2000
people. It was breathtaking for the audience and more than exciting for
us, who were all happy for them and anxious about wedding plans. Well
every time any of us asked about the wedding date, they said they hadn't
set one yet. Which was fine--we just assumed they would wait until after
they graduated, which would be in August of that year (he proposed in
February). In the meantime we oohed and aahed over the ring, talked about
how happy they would be together, etc.
Well a few months later on my way to class,
one of my friends stopped me and said "Oh yeah did you know Danny and
Sandy are getting married in the Activities Center tomorrow? I'm not sure
of the time, but just check the scheduling board." My mouth hit the
floor. The Activities Center was a building with several meeting rooms,
where mostly organizational meetings and study groups were held! Please
note there IS a non-denominational chapel on our campus that is also free
of charge, so it isn’t as if this was the only option they were faced
with. And I was BAFFLED by the concept of looking up a wedding ceremony on
a campus scheduling board. Naturally the news had spread like wildfire by
the time I got home from class. We weren't sure if this was a joke or
what. So the next day all of the guests met in the scheduled meeting room.
The chairs were arranged facing front, complete with overhead screen and
projector sitting idly in front of the room, as is standard when you book
one of the meeting rooms in the Activities Center. There were 2 sections
of chairs, forming an aisle in the center. Mostly everyone was wearing
Sunday attire but some people were in jeans and casual clothes. No one
could really blame them because NOBODY knew what we were walking into.
There was a CD of instrumental wedding songs playing on a boom box set up
at the back of the room. Also on the back table were souvenir napkins and
ribbons with their names and the date. The "wedding party"
entered consisting of the minister and groom, the best man, and the
bride's sister who was the maid of honor. Then the bride entered escorted
by her father. Everyone in the wedding is DECKED OUT in formal wedding
attire. The guests are fully expecting there to be Candid Cameras planted
in the room and for everyone in the wedding party to turn around and
reveal the joke. They exchange rings (no wedding bands, just a gold nugget
ring for him and her engagement ring), kiss, and even toss the bouquet
while they are standing at the "altar". Then all the guests are
dismissed--no receiving line, no reception pending, no explanation or
anything. In the days to come, we all congratulate them and wish them luck
on their life together.
Fast forward 6 years and 2 kids later. I
happened to run into Sandy and we were catching up on old times. I
inquired about how married life was treating her and she said, "Well,
you know Danny and I still haven't gotten married, right?" HUH?! I
wanted to ask what that was we were invited to 6 years ago, but I could
only stand there with my mouth open. I swear, if it weren't for the
souvenir napkin that I still have I would think I had been in the Twilight
Zone. WedHell 1226/03
My husband got a call from his 17-year-old
second cousin that he had not seen in 4 years. Seems her dad was in jail,
she was getting married and she needed someone to give her away. Next
She told him to meet her at the rehearsal
dinner at Outback Steakhouse that Friday night at 7pm and would go over
the details at that time. We showed up at 6:55 and nobody was there except
the usual Friday night throngs of people waiting an hour to get a table.
7:15 rolled around and still no sign of the wedding party. Finally, at
7:40, the groom walked in. He went up to the hostess and asked for a table
for 26. The hostess said it would be a minimum of an hour. Seems that
nobody had bothered to reserve a section of tables in advance.
At 8:50, we were seated. When the waitress
arrived to take drink orders, the bride started directing her on how to
break up the bill so each couple could pay for their own drinks and meal.
When we needed lo leave to be back in time to get our babysitter home, our
food still had not yet arrived. We paid our check anyway (including the
automatic gratuity for large parties) and the bride told the waitress to
box up our food so she could take it home. My husband asked her about the
"details" they were to discuss. She then told my husband to wear
his own tux and meet her at the chapel at 3pm the next day.
When we arrived at the "chapel",
it was a room about the size of my master bedroom closet. There wasn't
even enough room for two people to walk beside each other down the isle so
my husband had to walk in front of her, leading her up the isle (about 3
steps). The actual ceremony was short and sweet, with most of the guests
craning to see in the chapel from the next room since it only seated 12.
When we moved into the next room for the
reception, I saw a woman dressed in a Santa Claus suit. This being
November 15, I didn't think a lot about it. Then I found out it was really
the mother of the bride disguising herself. It seems she had lost custody
of all of her children and had restraining orders against her by several
of her children that were also attending. She was handing out AVON
chapstick and AVON catalogs and announcing to everyone that selling it was
her new career and if we wanted to place an order, there was an order form
in each catalog.
When the food was brought out, it consisted
of cheese nips, pretzels, a cooler of beer, Wal-Mart cola, dinner mints
and a bowl of salted mixed nuts. The cake was cut and promptly shoved into
each other’s faces. This started a war between the bride and groom that
caused them to utilize every bit of cake that was for guests in their food
fight. They looked so charming with frosting and cake all over their
faces, clothes and hair! How classy....
I was begging my husband to get me home
when the MOB (aka Santa) approached him about giving her away, too. Seems
she met a hunky 17-year-old high-school classmate of her daughter a few
weeks prior and wanted to get hitched that same day while the official and
chapel was already paid for. My husband politely declined.
When the bride found out that mom was
moving in on HER wedding, there was a physical brawl that led out into the
parking lot. Bottles of wedding bubbles were thrown on each other and the
chapel and the chapel owner threatened to call the police. That got the
mothers attention. She went inside, took her gift and left with her
The bride and groom went back in, sat down
and started opening gifts. When the grandmother told her it wasn't like a
birthday party, that the gifts should be opened later, the bride told her
to go to hell, it was HER wedding and she would open them now. After all,
they would need money to stay up there for a few days for their honeymoon.
I was so disgusted that we had anything to do with it that I grabbed my
free chapstick and left. We never did hear from them again.
This is a long story full of faux pas, but
mostly my shock and awe at the regional differences in weddings from the
south (where I am from) to the north (Queens, New York). I hope you will
My husband’s cousin was getting married
in August 2001, so the family decided to make a vacation out of it. Me, my
husband, my in-laws, and my husband’s sister, husband, and baby daughter
were to make the trip. FIL even paid for the plane tickets, and we were to
be there for about six days, arriving the day before the wedding. We were
to stay at a hotel the first two nights we were there, then stay in the
bride’s bedroom at her parents’ house beginning the night of the
wedding and for the rest of the trip. (The bedroom is a large attic room.
Important later in the story.)
The day before the wedding, the day we got
there, we were invited to attend the rehearsal dinner, which was a very
informal affair held at the bride’s parents’ house. Everything went
fine until the next day.
The day of the wedding it rained ALL DAY
LONG. The bride and her attendants were to get ready at her home; the
bride and her father were to ride to the church in a horse-drawn carriage
and the attendants were to follow in a limo. I think the rain had a
profound effect on the nerves of the bride and her family. Fortunately,
the horse drawn carriage had a top that could be added on and they arrived
on time at the church, which was only a few blocks from the bride’s
The wedding was at 5:00 PM. The bride’s
mother was escorted to her seat, indicating the beginning of the ceremony
and she is wearing…. Black. FP#1 – MOBs do not wear black to their
child’s wedding. In looking around, some of the other guests must have
thought the wedding was very casual – I saw shorts, tube tops, flip
flops, denim skirts. The soloist had a beautiful voice, but the people
playing the organ and the trumpet were terrible. The bridesmaids had
gorgeous dresses – strapless long gowns with a fitted bodice and A-line
skirt in an elegant champagne color with matching long satin gloves.
Sounds beautiful… until they were all in place at the front of the
church with their backs to the congregation… and their racer-back
bathing suit tan lines showing. FP#2 – if you are a bridesmaid in a
strapless gown, you make sure no tan lines are visible. Lots of products
out today that can take care of that. Okay. Music swells, time for the
bride to walk down the aisle with her father. Mother does not stand, but
rather steps into the aisle with her camera to take a picture (FP#3).
Instead of waiting for the actual music, the bride and the FOB race down
the short aisle during the wedding march’s introduction and stand there
like idiots while the remainder of the march is played. (FP#4) The vows
are said, the priest says his homily, etc. Time for communion.
Consecration is complete. Communicants line up and approach the
Eucharistic ministers… and have to weave their way around chairs set up
at the front in which the bride and groom sat during the homily. Very
awkward. Ceremony concludes, bride and groom kiss and are presented,
everyone’s happy. On to the reception.
Reception is held at a "banquet
hall," which I have never heard of before, but is a really good idea.
But wait! Before the actual reception, there is a cocktail
"hour" from 6-8. Open bar. Neither me nor my husband are big
drinkers so we order soft drinks and help ourselves to some appetizers.
Fruit, veggies, stuffed mushrooms, linguine with clams, ham and rolls,
meatballs. About one hour into this cocktail party, the wait staff begin
passing hot appetizers – pizza, chicken fingers, shish kebab. Great food
but wow – a little elaborate. The real reception hasn’t even started
and I’m full.
About a half-hour before the reception
begins, as family we are summoned by the MOB for a picture in the actual
reception area. We all gather. (Preface to the remainder of this part of
the story – the bride’s family dynamic is explosive to say the least.
They communicate by yelling and screaming at each other instead of being
civil. This is completely foreign to me. Sure, I have had arguments in my
family, but have never sworn at my parents. These people are constantly
bitching and complaining to one another, loudly.) So we assemble for the
picture and someone notices… so-and-so is not here (bride’s cousin on
the other side). Someone mentioned he went to his car to get his jacket
for the picture. We wait and wait, about 15 minutes. Bride’s mother goes
to find out where he is. While she’s gone, FOB starts grumbling about
how hungry he is, hasn’t eaten all day, paid all this money for food he’s
not getting to eat, etc., grumble, grumble, etc. (I am sitting in a chair
on the front row and FOB and B are standing right behind me.) Suddenly, I
hear the bride scream at the top of her lungs, "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT
THE F**K UP!" Then loud boo-hooing that was the fakest cry I ever
heard. Then she summons the wedding coordinator (or catering manager,
whoever) and screams, "GET HIM SOME FOOD!! ANYTHING TO SHUT HIM UP! I’M
SICK OF HEARING HIM COMPLAIN!" All the while the groom (God bless
this man, he is already a saint in my book) is quietly trying to calm her
down and console her. Oh, I forgot to mention, this young lady is the
biggest spoiled brat on the planet and her parents had to go into all
kinds of debt to pay for this wedding, which I am sure cost several years’
Enter the bride’s mother; bride is still
boo-hooing. MOB, in her THICK accent, loudly demands to know, "Why
the tears? No tears on your wedding day! Just tears of joy!" No one
has seen the cousin so the picture is taken without him. (I have yet to
see this picture. Not sure I want to.) Bride explains why she was crying.
MOB chastises FOB in front of everyone, loudly and cursing profusely,
asking him why he can’t keep his mouth shut on his daughter’s special
If I had ever spoken to either one of my
parents in this manner, under any circumstance, I believe I would have
been knocked into next week.
We return to the cocktail hour side of the
banquet hall until we were summoned to enter the reception area. We are
seated at tables with pre-set salads, but we can’t eat yet. DJ says so.
So we sit there looking at our salad until the room darkens and becomes a
disco bar, lights flashing, music blaring, in preparation for the
presentation of the wedding party. Then they proceed with the first
dances. (This is done down south as well, but it is done with much less
fanfare, and once you are seated you are certainly allowed to begin eating
your pre-set salad.) This done, the lights come on and the DJ tells us we
can eat our salad. (Time: about 8:30 PM) Half an hour after this, lights
go down and the place becomes a disco bar again, with lights flashing and
music blaring. People get up and dance for about a half-hour. DJ tells
everyone to sit down; it’s time for the pasta course. (Time: 9:30 PM)
Half hour after that, DJ tells all the PARTY PEOPLE to get up and DANCE!
Disco bar time again. Half hour or so passes and DJ tells everyone to sit
down again and the servers will TAKE OUR DINNER ORDER!!! (It is 10:00 and
we have yet to "order" dinner.) This takes about 20 minutes.
Then, you guessed it, DJ tells everyone to get back up and dance in the
disco again. Needless to say, I was so shocked at all this I just sat
there in disbelief and watched as everyone else did what the DJ said and
got all yucky and sweaty before they’d even had their dinner. While we’re
waiting for our dinner, a guy comes by, shoves a microphone in our face,
and tells us to look at the camera (What camera? All I can see is this
glaring light.) and offer the bride and groom our congratulations. Of
course we mumble something about love and happiness, blah, blah, blah.
About 11:30 dinner arrives. ELEVEN THIRTY PM and we are eating dinner. I
am typically in bed by 10 or 10:30, tops. So I eat to be polite, even
though I am not hungry because I have been eating for the last four hours.
But the food was good.
Around 12:15 *AM* it is time for the bride
and groom to cut the cake. WHAT CAKE??? I never saw any cake… until they
wheeled it out from the kitchen on a cart. In the south, the wedding cake
and groom’s cake are a focal point of the reception on a beautifully
decorated cake table, people ooh and ahh at the cake in anticipation of it
being cut and served. So finally it is time for the couple to cut this
cake that has mysteriously appeared. Then the DJ says, "Everybody!
The bride cuts the cake, the bride cuts the cake, hi-ho-the-derry-o, the
bride cuts the cake" to the tune of "The Farmer in the
Dell." What is this crap? The bride cutting the cake by herself to
this ridiculous song? But wait, it’s not over… the groom has to cut
it, too, to the song, and then "the bride feeds the groom…"
and "the groom feeds the bride…" I was mortified and was
nearly laughing out loud at this custom, so foreign it was to me, but
everybody (else) seemed to be getting into it. In the south, the bride and
groom cut the cake together and feed each other simultaneously to
symbolize their first meal as husband and wife and of their commitment to
caring for one another (though sometimes this custom has disastrous
results). They wheel the cake back into the kitchen so the staff can cut
it and serve it. Hundreds of dollars spent on this wedding cake and cake
top for it to be seen for exactly five minutes.
Now the time is about 12:45 am. Room is
thumping once again. I’m looking at my wedding cake and at my server who
is also setting down a plate full of cannoli, rugelach, and other pastries
and asking me if I would like some coffee. I wearily say no thank you and
that there is no possible way I can eat another bite. He says, "Well,
I can bring you a box. It’s paid for and you can take it all home."
The box arrives, I fill it up, and we leave around 1:00 am. The place is
still thumping and jumping with no end in sight.
We arrive at the bride’s family’s home
exhausted. (The SIL, her hubby, and baby arrived much earlier, since it
was too late to keep a baby out. They were staying in the other attic
room.) The room is a disaster – this is where the bride and bridesmaids
dressed for the wedding. There are bras, athletic shoes, panty hose
wrappers, socks, gym bags, dress bags, hangers, etc., strewn on the bed
and the length and breadth of the room. We get out our pajamas and begin
to undress for bed, clearing things as we go. I was just beginning to
remove my bra when in bursts three of the bridesmaids. I cover myself with
a look of horror on my face at these young (YOUNG) ladies who barely say a
word except they have to get their stuff. We just sit there speechless as
they plow through the room. (Why didn’t they get their stuff together
BEFORE the wedding and arrange for someone to get it to them later?)
Finally they leave and we are able to settle down to bed. Not one of them
apologized for the intrusion.
I have never experienced anything like this
before and hope future weddings I attend will be the civilized affairs to
which I am accustomed. Not to say in the south we don’t dance and have
fun, but things follow a reasonable schedule: dinner (all of it), cake
cutting and toasts, first dances, everybody dance. People who need to
leave early are able to offer their thanks and congratulations before
departing. Dinner is not eaten at 11:30 at night. Brides don’t scream
obscenities during picture taking.
Thankfully the remainder of the trip was a
lot of fun with no mishaps and we had a wonderful time in New York. (As a
side note, we realized later with some sadness that we visited the World
Trade Center on August 11 – just one month before the terrorist attack.)
I feel bad telling this story b/c I like
the groom so much as a co- worker, but his wedding sucked! Sad thing, he's
very aware of it & has been getting grief from relatives and other
guests about it ever since he got back from the honeymoon.
I got a verbal invite for myself and my
boyfriend 2 weeks before the wedding. Although I know this violates
wedding etiquette I was not bothered by it as I'd only been working with
the groom for 6 weeks and was flattered to be invited at all. We get to
the wedding and realize there are WAY too many people for the place. The
wedding and reception were being held in a rather small swim & racquet
club building, which was basically one larger room for all the guest &
two smaller rooms for only the attendants & immediate family, which we
were not allowed. There were about 120 people and I'd say that was 50 more
than the fire marshal should allow in this place. It was so cramped. It
was also a very hot day in August in the South and the room was crowded
and stuffy. The air conditioning either wasn't on or wasn't on low enough
to make a difference. A groomsman had to go find a lifeguard from the swim
club to come & crank the A/C lower as the control was locked with a
key, so there's a 16 year girl flouncing around in her bathing suit with
all the guests. There were 3 rows of chairs, with a space up the middle
for an "aisle," maybe 40 chairs in all, and all these chairs has
"Reserved" signs on them. No one knew who was going to be
sitting in those chairs, so guests stood b/c it didn't appear we could sit
in those chairs. The groomsmen just milled around, not seating anyone or
telling anyone where they could & could not stand. The bride was 1
hour late, which I found out later was a blessing as she'd been 2 hours
late to the rehearsal dinner the night before. Meanwhile the groom &
his groomsmen are sweating terribly in his full tuxedo with vest in the
stuffy room. So we're waiting for an hour for the ceremony to even start,
no one can sit. There are many elderly relatives there, all of whom
could've used a chair. When the bride did finally show up the attendants
(10 each for both the bride & groom!) rushed down the aisle and
gathered in a clump at the front of the room. The bride was supposed to
the enter through these two French doors at the back of the room, but no
one thought to open those door or even unlock them until the bride tried
to enter. It took a groomsman and the DJ to finally unlock the doors &
actually let the bride into her own wedding. The bride comes down the
aisle, then all the attendants go and sit in the chairs with the Reserved
signs! They only take up about 1/2 of the chairs, but by now the ceremony
has started so the remaining 20 chairs sit empty for the ceremony. There
was an elderly woman with an oxygen tank who resorted to sitting on the
hearth of the fireplace for lack of anywhere else to park it. By this time
my feet are killing me. During the ceremony the bride appears to be very
out of it. I know she had OCD and an anxiety disorder and chalked up her
being late & acting spacey to that, or perhaps a someone had given her
a tranquilizer or something to get her through this day. During the
prayer, while the groom and many others bowed their head, the bride
winked, waved, and grinned at the guests, then turned completely around to
check herself out in the mirror behind the minister. She also grabbed a
bottle of water from her mother & drank from it during the prayer. At
one point a bridesmaid jumped up from her chair & noisily clip-clopped
out of the room in her high heels for some reason. Lord knows. Anyway,
thankfully the reception started immediately after the ceremony & I
scouted around for a place to sit as my feet were throbbing from being
forced to stand the whole time in dress heels. No such luck. The seats
occupied by the attendants during the ceremony were then picked up &
put at tables reserved for the wedding party & immediate family. I
went out to the patio of the building where other tables were set up, only
to discover a total of 40 more seats were available. So basically there
were about 80 seats combined for about 120 guests. I never got to sit down
the entire 3-hour reception. I ran into the groom and the he complained
that timing of the events for the reception (cake cutting, first dance,
garter & bouquet tosses) were supposed be handled by his groomsmen and
family members, but they were too busy getting drunk. The bride's family
was no help as they were too busy hovering around the spaced-out bride. My
BF & I stayed out on the patio b/c, frankly, it was cooler outside
than it was in that crowded room, and we wound up missing the cake cutting
and the garter & bouquet tosses because the DJ didn’t announce them.
I caught a glimpse of the first dance through a window, that was about it.
The only thing that redeemed the whole night was the food was exceptional
and in generous portions and the groom personally went around &
apologized to almost everyone for the lack of seating, the air
conditioning not working, and no one organizing the reception events.
When he came back from his honeymoon he
spent the first few days of work fielding phone calls from outraged
relatives about the bride’s winking during the prayer & the overall
disorganization. He told me, "If I ever, God forbid, get married
again I am eloping!"
My friends had a bachelorette party for me
the night before my wedding at my own house. Much alcohol was present, and
I got really drunk and passed out. My friends were also drunk and started
to play pranks. They bleached and shrunk all of the clothes from my
suitcase while I was passed out.
I woke up late the morning of the wedding
with a terrible hangover. I did not know what world I was in. My friends
helped me dress. This included slipping a pair of size 7 Keds on my bare
feet that were laced with crazy glue. I felt so bad that I did not notice
the glue until I tried to pull them off at the church. My friends also
gathered my wedding gown, etc. for me to change into at the church. They
laced the undergarments with itching powder sometime before I put it on.