|
Wicked
Witches of the Weddings
Momsters, Smothers of
the Bride or Groom, SIniSTER/SIniSTERs-in-Law, Bothers/Bothers-in-Law and Dadulas
Jan-Jun
2000 Archive
Jun-Dec 2000 Archive
2001 Archive
2002 Archive
Jan-Jul 2003 Archive
My wife and I met many years ago whilst I
was dating one of her friends. At the time she didn't like me very much as
she thought I was being nasty to her friend. Her friend and I split but
stayed very good friends.
About two and a half years ago I went
somewhat apprehensively to my ex's engagement party, knowing that her
friends didn't like me. Anyway the long and the short of it is that this
particular friend that didn't like me and I fell madly in love with each
other which resulted in our marriage two years later.
As you'd expect I asked my older brother to
be my best man, having been the most excellent brother anyone could have
ever asked for. He accepted graciously and said it would be his honor etc.
However his recent acquisition on the girlfriend front, was a little
selfish and insecure to say the least. She has always done her best to
extract my brother from the rest of the family much to the chagrin of the
rest of us not least of all my little sister.
My brother putting his foot down in some
attempt at regaining a little freedom from his woman and rebuilding some
bridges between himself and my sister said that he and his other half
would take my sister to go and buy her outfit for my wedding and actually
spent quite a bit of money on her (spoilt little brat;)) My little sister
was very happy that she had got what she wanted and was going to look
stunning at her big brothers wedding. So you can imagine how she felt when
she turned up on the day to find out that the woman that had taken her
shopping for outfit had gone out and bought exactly the same thing
directly afterwards. My sister looked a lot better in those clothes but
still, incredibly selfish don't you think?
Unfortunately this was not the worst of
this woman’s antics. The night before my wedding I had invited a few
people round for last minute drinks as it were my brother and his
girlfriend being to of the company. When my brother turned up he had three
enormous gouges out of his face. When asked what the hell he'd been doing
he leaned in close and said in a jovial manner "some advice little
bro, don't ever say another woman’s name." so the bitch had
scratched his face the day before my wedding because of some stupid
mistake. I'm sure there are some people out there saying he deserved it
for his insensitivity but the day before my wedding photos? Fairly selfish
huh?
When I pointed this out to him she got up
and said she had to check something in the car and left my house and
didn't come back in which meant my brother had to go out and find her then
go home and not spend my last single night with me.
Then at the wedding she decided that she
wanted him to sit with her and not at the top table where he's supposed to
be with me. It took a long heated debate before he finally told her that
he was either going to sit on the top table or send her home.
Witches 0804/03
My mother in-law has always been kind of a
prankster. She loves a joke (on someone else) and told us it was a good
thing she didn't know where we were staying on our wedding night because
she would have pulled some pranks. (Basically, she would have ruined it).
During our wedding reception she conspired with the groomsmen to smash
cake into the groom's face. (Her son). They all said they had a big
surprise for him and basically attacked him and pounded him with cake in
front of all of our guests. He was covered from head to toe and has
bruises from where they hit him. We have her on tape really whooping it
up, (she was the only one), and making a complete ass of herself laughing.
She was literally screeching when she laughed and sounded like the wicked
witch from the wizard of oz. No one thought it was funny but her. A
wedding is not the place to show how insensitive and classless you are.
Love your site, never thought I'd be on it! Witches 0815/03
I have so enjoyed reading your site which I
discovered by accident a few days ago - timely though, I might say. I am
now 2 months away from my second wedding to a saint of a man and all is
going well (with a few bumps).... but my first wedding...that's one for
the record books. Let me first say that I accept my role in this disaster,
and my divorce was a serious "lesson learned." That being said,
here goes....
My ex-husband and I were raised in 2 very
different families. His family was blue-collar, 9-5 working people, and my
family are all doctors and dentists. This means absolutely nothing to
me...I have seen many wealthy jerks in my time. However, it was DEFINITELY
a bone of contention with my FMIL and my FOUR FSIL's. They often referred
to me as "the snob E is marrying" (I live with my grandparents
who are regular, run-of-the-mill, worked for everything they have people).
Even though I sensed their distaste for me, I tried very hard to get along
with them.
When I walked into my bridal shower (hosted
by my MOH and her family), I was told immediately by my FMIL to
"hurry up and open the gifts, we don't want to be here all day."
That was the FIRST thing she said to me! My MOH and her family went all
out - I was overwhelmed by their thoughtfulness and generosity with all
the beautiful decorations and delicious food, which, I never really got to
enjoy because of the FMIL Monster. Ok, so whatever - I start to open my
gifts. As I opened a gift of beautiful crystal champagne glasses from my
aunt, one of my FSIL's remarked loudly from the back of the room
"damn snobs, breaks like any other glass." This went on and
on...and my friends and family were gracious enough to politely ignore
their comments for my sake.
On to the rehearsal dinner, hosted by my
in-laws. Sub sandwiches and a keg - so very glamorous...but I thanked them
all the same. Just before I left my in-laws to go home, my future MIL
pulls me aside and informs me that because I don't HAVE a mother (my
mother and I have been estranged for 15 years at her choice, and as you
can imagine, it is a VERY sensitive issue with me) SHE intends to be the
last one down the aisle before the wedding party, instead of my MOH's
mother who I had asked to do the honor of walking in my mother’s place.
Um, no, I don't think so....my wedding...and that was it. We fought, my
ex-husband fought with her...and she did not talk to me the ENTIRE wedding
or reception (blessing in disguise). At the wedding, her delightful family
stole a potted tree (who does something like that?), not to mention
numerous bottles of alcohol from the bar we had to pay for in the end. A
month after we married, she informed me that she forgot to mention that my
ex-husband had nearly $40,000 in credit card bills that she was turning
over to me to make sure got paid. My grandpop, seriously concerned, agreed
to make a loan to my ex in the amount of $25,000 to get some of the debt
down.
Well....3 weeks after that my ex husband
stayed out all night and had a seizure the next day - brought on by drug
use. I am the child of 2 substance-addicted parents...and drugs have NO
place in my life, which he knew. Regardless, I asked him what we needed to
do to help him get over this, and his response was, "let me do
drugs...that is what you need to do." Needless to say I kicked him
out...and his mother called me and said "can't you just let him do it
when he wants?" ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???????? That's it,
divorced - all within 2 months of the wedding. He never paid back the
money, and we found out later that $10,000 of that debt belonged to his
mother. I still pray to God every day to forgive me for being that stupid.
Fate is an interesting thing, though...I am now engaged to the most
wonderful man from an equally wonderful family (5 years later), and my ex
husband had another seizure from drugs after we split - this time behind
the wheel of his car, and broke his neck. Lord knows what happened to his
mother.... but every dog has its day. Witches 0822/03
I've been reading on your website that
people are appalled when someone wears white to a wedding, but in my case,
my family was shocked and stunned that my new sister in law wore red! Here
is some background to give you some idea of how much this girl belongs in
"etiquette hell". She married my husband's brother a year or so
before our wedding. At the time, the motto of their wedding was give us
money and make it fast! In fact, she returned all the fine china they
received (and registered for) so she could use the money to pay off some
of the wedding. She was angry to find out she would only receive store
credit! Oh, but it doesn't stop there. We were not very close, and had she
maybe been my now husband's actual sister, rather than his brother's wife,
I might have attempted to have a closer relationship. At their engagement
party, I had more than one person approach me to "console" me
because they had heard I was upset because "she was getting married
first." - funny, I didn't know it was a race. And then, a month
before the wedding, I was asked to be a bridesmaid, because one of the
other ones had "dropped out." No problem, I showed my class, and
graciously accepted the honor.
Fast forward to my engagement a year later.
She was very excited and wanted to help me plan everything, so she could
have the chance to "re-do" her wedding. Gee, so much for me
enjoying the fun myself. Miraculously I managed to avoid her when the
planning started. When it came time for bridesmaids, I choose my sisters
and very close friends at the time. I did not want this bossy woman
bossing me around on the special day. A week later my soon to be Mother in
Law informed my fiancée that she was upset I hadn't asked my new
"sister in law" to be a bridesmaid. I kept to my choice, and did
not bend to allow an "extra" bridesmaid, simply for the benefit
of my future Mother in Law's feelings (and probably my sister in law's
feelings as well.) I should have learned.
In the weeks before the wedding, my sister
in law had announced that she found the perfect dress - mind you, she was
a rather large woman, so it was something I was sure she was concerned
about. I was not really paying attention, and was glad that she was happy.
She continued to tell me about this wonderful dress, and wanted to make
sure that I approved - apparently it was the same color and style as the
bridesmaid's dresses (almost as if she wanted to blend in with the wedding
party.) I told her it sounded great, but that I would prefer she got it in
a different color, so as to look different than the bridesmaids (call me a
bridezilla if you want, but I really didn't want to give this woman any
special honor of attempting to includes herself with the bridesmaids.)
Well, she showed me... she bought a different dress - in RED! My cousins
and bridesmaids were appalled with this choice, and told me it took
attention away from the me the whole day. I didn't care either way, until
I saw the photos. My "loving, new" sister in law proceeded to
stand next to me in every family photo in her RED dress, and unfortunately
the glare of her dress made my beautiful white dress look pink in all the
photos. What's worse, the dress was a short sleeve, tank style, above the
knee dress (remember, she is a big woman, really big) with which she wore
white tights and black paten shoes! Can we say, TACKY? So now after my
experience, when I go to a wedding, I avoid wearing white and red, and I
definitely don't wear white tights in June, with black paten shoes!
AND AN UPDATE....
Five years later, my sister in law has lost
some weight, but apparently hasn't gained any etiquette values. My husband
and I started having children and became pregnant with our first child
before his brother and his wife. I heard through the grapevine that she
was depressed because she wanted to have the first grandchild, but again,
I didn't know it was a race! They got pregnant a few months later, but
kept it a secret, as most people do, during the first trimester, only
having told close family, us included. A few weeks later, not only did she
throw a tantrum and accuse me at my own baby shower of telling friends she
was pregnant before she told her mother, she had the nerve to announce her
pregnancy to everyone in the hospital moments after the birth of our
child! (Why she was there I'll never know, but when you're in labor, you
don't really care who is there) Talk about stealing my thunder! Of course,
my family was appalled because on our day of joy, it had to be all about
her once again. I didn't know about the announcement until I went home the
next day. Fortunately I have the grace to laugh about it. I will not
forgive her for yelling at me at my baby shower though, and accusing me of
spilling her secret. She ruined a wonderful party for me, at a very
special time in my life. Fortunately, most of my friends and relatives
were already used to her behavior, and helped me get over it at the time!
Witches 0822/03
After four years of marriage, my husband
and I got divorced. This was, by and large, my decision, and my husband's
family was not happy with me as a result. We didn't have many belongings,
so we worked out a pretty straightforward split - he took the car, I got
to stay in the apartment; he got the electronics, I got most of the
furniture. Really, there wasn't much of value, so it was all fairly
amicable and simple. A few months later, I got a letter from a lawyer
representing my husband that included a strangely specific list of
household items that he wanted - a crystal candy dish, a blender. I
couldn't imagine why he wanted those things in particular. A friend solved
the mystery. Apparently, my ex-mother-in-law had pulled out the guest list
from the wedding and had called everyone on "her side" of the
list to ask what they had bought for us so that she could make sure my
ex-husband got the presents back! Can you imagine what these poor people -
all her neighbors and distant relatives - must have thought when they got
those calls? Four years after the wedding!
Witches 0904/03
I'm not sure where this would go, but I
just needed to write it because the situation gets me frustrated just
thinking about it. I LOVE your site, and it is preventing me from getting
anything done. If I don't get my Ph.D., it is because I spend my time
reading your stories...
I was married in summer 2003. The ceremony
and reception were wonderful and we received much praise and compliments.
My fiancé and I are in graduate school, with not a huge income. My
parents are not rich, but frugal. We each paid for half of the wedding
costs.
My only problem/concern with our wedding
was with the in-laws. They live in a semi-isolated area about 1000 miles
away from where we were getting married. I have visited them once in their
house, and my FMIL barely talked to me. She is a nice person, though shy.
I am also sort of shy around people I don't know. But I do try to
acknowledge people.
Two months before the wedding, we attending
his sister's college graduation. This was an all day affair, as we met my
in-laws around 5:30 in the morning and did not part until around 5 in the
afternoon. My FFIL gave me a hug and my fiancé’s siblings said hi (they
aren't the most outgoing people, either). Any welcome from the FMIL? No,
she did not even acknowledge me once. I stood next to my fiancé while
they talked, until I realized that I was not included in the conversation,
and sat down on the sidewalk. There were no questions regarding the
wedding, which was two months away, in which they had no interest in
planning. Anytime we would ask them for input, they would simply say, do
what you want, it is your day. I realize that is great, and I would not
like someone who is overbearing. But they were just totally nonchalant
about the whole occasion. And my fiancé was the first one of all of their
children to be married!
So, after the "fun" time at the
graduation, I complained to my fiancé, who told his father, who told the
mother. Her excuse was that she didn't realize that she hadn't
acknowledged me. Hello! This was the second time in three years that she
has met me, and I am getting married to her "favorite" son in
two months!
Fast forward to the wedding. They did not
contribute one cent to anything. I know that they are not well off at all,
but just the token offer would have been nice. They assembled the favors,
which turned out great. But we had to send them a check for a couple
hundred dollars to buy everything. And our present from them? NOTHING! Not
even a CARD! Supposedly, they are going to give me a piece of furniture,
which they promised to me through my fiancé a year before the wedding.
Have I seen it? No, but they did ask for money to transport it down where
we live.
Witches 1016/03
I had done so much for my sister for her
wedding that I had never planned on, but I was honored to be asked to do.
No good deed goes unpunished. Three days before my second marriage,
Darling Sister calls while I am out, leaving a message to ask if she can
bring her goddaughter with her. Who is that? I didn't know she had a
goddaughter. I call back and wind up speaking with BIL, who says she has
gone to bed for the night and that they need to bring Clarissa, as the
girl's father, (who, on the weekends when he has visitation with this
child, dumps her on my sister and BIL) can't watch her that weekend. This
brat is the child Darling Sister decided needed to be an extra Jr. BM with
my daughter in her wedding, in case my daughter "decided she didn't
want to do it" (where she got this idea from, I'll never know.) The
same child who sat in the back seat with my daughter on the way home from
the Jr. BM dress selection, telling her how at TWELVE YEARS OLD she was
French-kissing boys in the hallway at school and already had a boyfriend,
and Sister tells me, "she is so much more mature than your
daughter!" The same child who got kicked out of being in the wedding
because of behavior problems in school! I despise this little tramp...
I inform BIL that I am sorry, but the head
count had been turned in that day, and I couldn't add anyone, and that no
other children had been invited; dear friends (whose children I ADORED)
had expressly not been invited to bring THEIR children. He assures me she
won't eat. I told him I couldn't possibly not feed her! After a little
grumbling, he hangs the phone up on me! I spend the next three days
worrying: will she not come because of this? Will she come and bring this
little tramp with her? Will she make a fuss? Not the stress a bride needs
before her wedding...
The rehearsal comes. She does not come up
to stay with my parents as planned. However, my brother, who is famous for
being pretty much unemotional towards anyone human, and who cried more at
the death of his dog than our grandmother, attends. He has a sweet
daughter by a girl he was living with who claimed she couldn't get
pregnant (she miraculously became fertile after she realized how
financially stable my family is...); needless to say, they never married,
and their breakup was a surprise to no one.
Back to the rehearsal. As my sweet father, whom I adore more than words,
is walking me down the aisle, I am overwhelmed with love for him, emotion
at my upcoming nuptials, and I am radiant... until my brother yells over
to me in the dead silence of the atrium-style church, "YOU'RE NOT
WEARING WHITE TOMORROW, ARE YA?!?" Flabbergasted, all I managed was a
tight, "Screw you!" Not classy for a bride, but I was so
shocked, my indignance won out over my judgment and made my mouth say it!
On the way out of the church on the way to the rehearsal dinner, I am face
to face with him and all I can think about is his moral judgment of me in
a white dress. I take the opportunity to put him in his place and point
out to my brother, "At least I was MARRIED to the person I had MY
children with! You wanna get technical with me? We'll get technical!"
Again, not very classy on the part of a bride, but some people don't
understand any other way. Mom witnesses this and later pulls me aside,
saying that brother didn't really mean it, it was "just a joke."
I spent my childhood at the end of "jokes" like this and didn't
need another one at this point, or at this age!
What really took the cake was not the fact
that my sister did, indeed, bring her tramp-daughter with her, but on the
way back to her seat after giving her reading (the same reading she asked
me to give at her wedding, so I assumed she like it), she was caught by
several members of the audience rolling her eyes, grimacing and gesturing
with her hand like someone holding a puppet, as if to say, "yap, yap,
yap!" Two of the people who witnessed this were dear lady friends who
are deacons' wives! I still don't know if she was mocking the minister or
the Word of the Lord! I was mortified...
How I wish I could show up to her baby
shower with an uninvited, obnoxious guest in tow, and poke fun at her on
HER day! All I can say is, at least I know now how my siblings REALLY feel
about me.
Witches 1025/03
Take these "red flags" that I
encountered both prior to and during my former marriage as a warning:
A FMIL who informs you that HER daughter
will be your MOH despite your not knowing her.
A FH who does not say "no" to his
mama for any reason and formulates reasons for you to "understand
what she really meant by that" will always continue in the same vein.
Next was the FSIL that decided what dress she would wear to the wedding no
matter what your wishes, styles, or chosen colors, nor does she show up on
time to help you dress, make-up or do your hair.
Let's not forget the FOTB could not be
invited due to being a cheap, abusive drunk; who later shows up at your
second reception and ruins it single-handedly. Then we have the FFIL who
makes disparaging comments about his own son ruining the "pictures of
the buffet" by being in them. A picture of the food is so-o-o-o much
more important than a picture of the bride and groom.
Then, of course are the Groom and his IL
whom all "forget" that you are the one whom has paid the down
payment on the house and well over half the total cost of it and decide
you "only want to spend their hard earned son's money". The
FIL's who make snide little comments "because they didn't expect to
have to compare their "cheap" wedding gifts to such
"extravagant" ones from your family members." No doubt all
FIL's were informed you'd be divorced and it wouldn't ultimately matter,
but failed to inform the brides family of their plans to see to just that.
Ah, yes, lets not forget about the FIL's
inviting and showing up with unwanted guests at a very small wedding and
taking extra food home. The FSIL who decided it would be great
entertainment to pick "your" wedding song and surprise you by
playing guitar and sounding like dying geese warbling in an oil slick at
an inappropriate moment in the festivities- such as during "you may
now kiss the bride." A best man who offers no toasts, decides it is
his mission to get plastered and stay late on your wedding night and must
be told to leave. FIL's who open all the doors and windows during your
ceremony in November in a northerly climate while people are trying to
eat.
No music; the bride has paid for the house,
the furniture, and can't afford it. Everyone else is too cheap to bother.
Further into the marriage, there is the
s**t fit the MIL throws after you've just had a home birth by coming in
and saying, "we don't approve of this, you know" and then
proceeds to wonder why you decide to let an aunt be the first one to hold
the baby. The same MIL who throws a hissy fit and decides to leave because
she didn't get to hold the baby first, never mind your Aunt flew 1500
miles to take care of you and console you while your new infant was in the
hospital with severe jaundice and you've been told she needs transfusions.
Later the same MIL and FIL will make light
of your having a gall bladder get impacted stones, and your needing
emergency surgery while they ignored your pain for a weekend they insisted
you spend at their home. These same people will fail to see your daughter
gets to see a doctor while you are on vacation and nearly cost the child
her life.
The topper? Not one of them can figure out
why you divorced their son and ran screaming!
Thank you so kindly for allowing me the
opportunity to get this off my chest; it is deeply appreciated. I also
wish to say my second marriage was made in heaven and I am delighted with
my second family and my second husband is one in a
million! Witches 1027/03
This is not as hellish as some of the
stories on your site, but it had me plenty ticked off! My stepsister, J.,
has never been a particularly reliable person, and we are not close.
However, I felt obligated to invite her (along with her boyfriend and her
son) to our wedding, because we have a brother and sister in common. They
were both part of the wedding party; my sister, B., was a bridesmaid, and
my brother was an usher.
J. was exceptionally flaky about relaying
my messages to B., who lives with her. I told her repeatedly that I NEEDED
B.'s dress measurements so I could order the dresses, but she neglected to
take her to get measured. (B. is in high school and couldn't drive at the
time. I live almost two hours away, so I wasn’t able to help.)
Eventually, I told B. to take her measurements herself, which she did;
thankfully, the dress ended up fitting!
When I called J. to ask if her son would
like an adult meal or a children's meal at the reception, she informed me
that her boyfriend's daughter would be coming, too. She didn't ask if this
was OK...she just told me that the little girl (a notorious brat) was
coming with them. I was shocked but said OK. However, when I called B. to
relay some last-minute details the day before the wedding, J. answered the
phone and said that she might not be coming to the wedding -- her
boyfriend might have to work, and she didn’t feel like driving by
herself. I told her, "I don’t care who you bring -- I can't
subtract any meals at this point, so just bring a friend if you don’t
want to come alone."
She didn't show at all. Not only did I pay
for four uneaten meals (one of which SHE added), but I have yet to receive
any kind of apology, or even a congratulations.
Witches 1029/03
My cousin (the groom) recently got married
this past year. He and his fiancé were not exactly financially well off
and initially decided on a civil ceremony. Because most courts aren't open
on the weekend it was to take place during the week. Well, to her
disappointment, the bride's mother just cannot make it because she would
have to take off work, and she just wasn't going to do that. So, feeling
badly for the bride, my family decided that they would pay for the wedding
to be held on a Saturday so her mother could be there. We found a nice,
small location that was all inclusive, ceremony, decorations, clergy, and
a room for a reception in the back. Planning went well, we found a very
inexpensive dress for the bride that was lovely and looked great on her.
We provided the flowers, food etc. We didn't ask for much from the bride's
family, knowing they weren't too well off financially. Anyway, when the
bride asked for her mother for a few small things, it was always met with
resistance. Then a few days before the wedding, the bride calls us up
crying because her mother, who had agreed to pay for a specific amount of
food, was only going to pay for 1/2 of what she'd agreed upon. We of
course told her not to worry, that it would be all right.
When it came time for the ceremony, the
bride's mother showed up 5 minutes before the ceremony was about to begin
(as well as most of her wedding party). The only one decent enough to show
up and help her get dressed was one other bridesmaid (not even her sister)
and her very preggers hairdresser. The ceremony went well, but when it
came time for the reception, there was absolutely NO help from the bride's
family or friends. Our family had to run around setting out food, etc. I
was in and out of the reception hall chasing the kids around, when I over
heard the bride's mother and her friend saying something like, "man
this is the best kind of reception, the kind you don't have to clean up
after". Of all the nerve! They didn't lift a finger to help with the
set up, clean up, planning of the wedding, NOTHING. Then of all things the
bride's sister came up to my aunt after it was all over and said, "my
mom feels really bad about all this." I mean the very least she could
have done is lend a hand, something. All she did was shell out a couple
bucks for proper undergarments for the bride and 1/2 what she said she
would for the food. Ironically, a few months after the wedding, the mother
inherited a good amount of money from a relative. Still to this day, she
has never said Thank You or anything. Oh yea, her sister is getting
married soon and mom's paying for it all.
Witches 1031/03
As a wedding photographer, I encounter many
different types of family relationships from the very good and healthy, to
the strained and
"you-know-they-need-counseling-before-getting-married." As I
walked into the wedding hall of one such affair, I saw a photo-op with the
bride and her grandparents. The window behind them had beautiful lace
curtains and made a natural frame for the picture. Of course I realized
that without a bit of fill flash to brighten the faces of the subjects,
the light from the window would render them as silhouettes. Before I could
begin to pose the trio, the Mother of the bride was in my face, "Are
you doing that right? Isn't there too much light coming from the window?,
etc etc" Very politely, I informed her that I had done this a time or
two before, and to be assured that I knew what I was doing.
Fifteen or twenty minutes later, as I was
photographing the bride and her attendants, a small commotion arose in the
back of the hall. The cake lady had just completed her installation of the
pastry creation that was to represent the wedding dreams of the happy
couple, when Mother lit into her about the "stability of the four
columns" and the "slipperiness of the frosting" and
"oh, are you sure it won't topple?". The bride who had had just
about enough of this well-meaning but very controlling Mother, stamped her
foot very solidly on the wooden floor, and said in a very loud, strident
voice, "Mother! You are beginning to piss me off!" Mother
skittered into an adjacent room, and was heard from no more...
Witches 1103/03
My brother, who is four years older then I
am, met his future wife in a college computer class. She had three young,
and sweet, children from a previous marriage which suited my brother fine.
I don't think he would have done well with diapers. But he has been a
wonderful father to "his" kids, who are now high school aged.
Despite traditional sisterly teasing, I was very happy that my brother had
found a good woman. He needed looking after. *grin* I was very much
looking forward to his wedding. Until I met her family.
Her parents are traditional Mormon and insisted on everyone being
involved. Her Mother spoke to me several times about participating while I
gently tried to refuse. I have a decent singing voice, and I love to sing,
but I am not a performer. Major stage fright. However, after much
persuasion on her part, and misgivings on mine, I acceded. After all, it
was my brother's wedding, and I really was honored that the bride's family
wanted to include me. Although I would have been much happier just being a
spectator. Her mother chose a song for me to sing during the ceremony,
sent me the music, and asked me to pick a song to sing at the reception. I
practiced and practiced and tried to alleviate the terror. For the
reception I decided to do an Irish love song with vocals mixed with flute,
which I also play with average success.
This was not a HUGE wedding, nor ultra formal, which helped my courage.
Although I cannot remember the wedding itself at all. At the reception, my
hands were shaking so badly I almost couldn't play. I finished my amateur
performance, and sat down to polite applause. Then the bride's sister got
up with a gentleman and proceeded to sing beautiful duets for about an
hour. Turns out she is a professional singer/actress and the gentleman was
one of her usual leading men. I felt like a child. The sister of the groom
being allowed to put on her cute little performance before the REAL singer
gets up. Why the hell did they put me through that torture? I was so
embarrassed. But, it was my brother's wedding and I put it behind me and
endured the reception.
A year later, we were at their home for a Mother's Day dinner. He and she
proceed to put in the wedding video, since we hadn't seen it yet. I
watched eagerly, anxiously waiting to critique my own performance, hoping
it wasn't as bad as my vivid imagination painted it. The ceremony was
beautiful. The bride had her two young daughters as flower girls and her
son "gave her away". As the tape approached my song, I held my
breath . . . it wasn't there. The person taping, from the Bride's family,
had shut the video off while I was singing and cut back in when I was
done. They skipped my song completely! And at the reception, they had
waited until I was done to start taping. You could hear the applause after
my song when they cut the tape on. After all the fuss the Bride's mother
had made about me being in the wedding, all but forcing me to sing, they
went out of their way to exclude me from the video!!
Perhaps I'm over sensitive, but I took that as a personal slight. After
that, I stopped even trying to be fond of the Bride's family. Getting
along at Christmas and such is the best I can do. And only for my
brother's sake.
Witches 1115/03
My brother "John" was dating a
great girl, "Sally." Sally's father is a piece of work, there
are no other words to describe him. He's just awful and everyone in his
family knows it, and is embarrassed by him and his behavior. Anyway, he
never liked my brother because of some incident that happened well before
John and Sally even started dating (my brother and Sally's brother are
good friends, which is how the two met) in which Sally's father is
convinced that John said something insulting about the family. Everyone
who was there knows that it didn't happen, but there is no convincing this
man of anything. So after dating for over 3 years and putting up with the
stress of being hated by Sally's father, John proposed and presented a
beautiful engagement ring. Sally accepted his proposal but asked if she
could have some time to try to get her father's blessing. John knew this
was important to her so he agreed. Sally put the ring in a safe deposit
box and began to work to improve relations.
After six months, she realized that it was
not going to work, so she took the ring out and started wearing it and
planning their wedding. The father then realized that the marriage was
going to go ahead with or without him, and decided to go ahead and give
his blessing so that he could be a part of Sally and John's day. He also
said he would pay for the whole thing, as is tradition. We were all
shocked and a little wary of this, but hoped that all would go smoothly.
The wedding they planned was going to be
lovely, with about 100 guests, country club reception, musicians, DJ for
the reception, and the works. Sally's parents had total control over the
plans, but seemed to be doing a lovely job and Sally wasn't really
complaining about anything they had decided. We were all very excited. I
was a bridesmaid and we had picked out lovely navy blue dresses and
Sally's dress was gorgeous and looked great on her. Well, we should have
known it was all too good to be true. About 7 weeks before the wedding,
right before John and Sally were about to mail out their invitations,
Sally's father got mad at something or other that Sally had done or said,
and said to her, "I don't know where you get the idea that I'm paying
for all of this." They were devastated. It was 7 weeks before the
wedding. They had no time to save up the money for this wedding that he
had clearly said he was paying for, but they also didn't want to wait even
longer to get married because they felt that they had already wasted
enough time dealing with his nonsense. My parents offered to step in and
help, but we couldn't get the country club unless Sally's father signed
over the room to us, as he had already paid the deposit and the room was
his for that evening.
So, this is what we did. We trimmed the
guest list down to roughly 40 people (luckily no invitations had gone out
and no showers had been planned yet so we didn't have to un-invite anyone)
and rented chairs and an aisle runner and candelabras and decided to hold
the wedding in my parents' living room. My parents were able to change
what would have been the rehearsal dinner on Friday night into the
reception on Saturday night and expand to allow for all of the wedding
guests. Sally's brother, who was a groomsman, was planning to walk her
down the aisle, as we weren't even sure if her parents were going to show
up to the wedding, or if we wanted them to!
Well, about 3 weeks before the wedding,
Sally's father called her and apologized for getting angry and doing what
he did, and asked if they could go ahead with the wedding as they planned.
Sally explained that it was now 3 weeks out and it was too late to send
out invitations, plus my family had gone to all this trouble and expense
now and she wasn't going to mess with anything (plus, who knew if he would
keep his promise this time or not?) But he did offer to pay for the chair
rental, the aisle runner, plus the florist and photographer, as well as
half of the reception, which John and Sally took him up on but fully
expected he might back out.
The day of the wedding arrives and
everything goes fine. The one glitch was this photographer that Sally's
father has dug up from who knows where. His battery pack died right before
we all walked down the aisle and we had to do it all over again after the
ceremony was over (complete with red eyes and runny noses from crying
during the ceremony) so that he could get pictures for their album. He
also asked my father to get him a ladder so that he could stand on it to
take some portraits after the ceremony - my father had to go into the
garage in his tux and get this hapless photographer a dirty old ladder, in
the middle of his son's wedding celebration! But he got it and was
gracious about doing it. The reception was nice and a good time was had by
all, although Sally was disappointed that there was no way to have
dancing, and therefore no first dance to "their" song.
A couple weeks after the wedding, we all
got to see the proofs of the pictures and we all filled out the forms to
order our pictures, which surprisingly had turned out pretty well after
all, in spite of the seemingly bumbling photographer. We turned in our
orders to Sally's parents who were going to place the order and then
collect the money from all of us. And now, get this... that was the last
that anyone ever saw of the wedding pictures! No money was ever collected
and no pictures were ever delivered. It has now been 7 years and the only
photos John and Sally have of their wedding are the snapshots that people
took. We don't know if her father is holding them, as a way to keep her
from severing all ties with him, or if the photographer was to blame and
her father is just ashamed to tell anyone that the photographer that we
HAD to use was a flake, or if her father just refused to pay the
photographer. We don't know. Sally has confronted him several times over
the years, but he refuses to discuss the topic at all. No one even knows
the photographer's name, since Sally's father had arranged it all. We
thought a few years back that if we could find him and pay him whatever
money may be owed, that John and Sally could finally get their wedding
album. But we have had no luck so far.
As you might guess, relations with Sally's
family are always very strained and we only socialize with them when we
ABSOLUTELY have to and only for her sake. As a result, when I met my
husband, it was really important to me that I got along with his family
and he with mine, and luckily that is how it turned out for us.
Witches 1121/03
After spending 8 months on planning my
wedding, out of state (where neither I nor my husband were from), I was
quite tired. During this time, I had advice and little items of help sent
to me from both sides. However, there were various mishaps that were
generated mostly from my in laws side.
First of all, my MIL held a couples shower
that listed my maiden name incorrectly. Not just spelled wrong, but a
completely different last name! Her defense was that she had another
person create the invites. Ok, you win some and you lose some!
My husband and I planned to go to the place
we were going to be married three days prior to the wedding to obtain the
license, meet with the Reverend and do whatever else needed to be done.
However, my MIL decided that she wanted to follow us there too. Not too
bad, considering that I informed her that he and I needed one day to
ourselves to accomplish all this! She agreed then continued to phone us
three times that day to find out when we would be done!
She assisted many others in decorating for
the reception. I had advised her during this full 8-month period that I
detested tulle. However, this is what she used to decorate the chairs for
the ceremony, laughing about it afterwards.
Fast forward to the wedding day, a few
minor miscommunications but with the prize in view...nothing else
mattered! At the reception, that was held on the other side of the
fountain from where the ceremony took place, all was going great! Except
for myself, having to play commander with the pictures. We opted for no
photographer to cut cost, so I was the one left yelling for all together
for pics, and you would think that a party of 30 guests would be listening
to the lady in white!! :)
After making sure that all pictures had
been taken, I got some food and headed to the wedding table....my husband
was out passing out champagne. After awhile my father joined me at the
head table where we watched my MIL toast her son and her family. Guess I
need not be invited. She stated later that she could not find me. Once
again there were only approximately 30 guests (including the wedding
party) and I was the only one in white!
As the night goes on...I hear how one of my
new family has to tell the MIL to "shut up" because she is
crying that her baby son just got married.
And the real kicker was when I saw my
husband and his mother standing in the dark near the gift table. I went up
to see what they were looking at, and lo and behold they were looking at
her wedding gift....to him! She created a scrapbook from the time he was a
baby till the time he graduated college.
To me....guys usually aren't interested in
scrapbooks, as my husband kept saying...this is really nice mom but it is
dark out here, lets dance! Second of all, I was under the impression when
two people got married that you give wishes to the TWO of them, whether it
be in the form of a gift or a card it is to be aimed at the married
couple, not part of the wedding couple. I did enjoy seeing my husbands
early years, however, that gift would be more suited on a birthday, not a
wedding.
Witches 1106/03
A good friend of mine, Belinda was marrying
her long-term boyfriend Jake. I had met Jake's parents a few times
previously, and despite many attempts at conversation to get to know them,
had always found them quite cold. I thought perhaps it was me, but I
noticed they were never particularly friendly to Belinda and other mutual
friends have found this when talking to them also.
After the wedding, as I entered the
reception and greeted the parents of the bride and groom, I said to Jake's
parents, "Congratulations on a beautiful wedding Mr. and Mrs. ___.
You must be very proud." Jake's mother looked at me without smiling
and said, "who are you?" I realized she must not have recognized
me, despite meeting me about 10 times before, perhaps because I had had my
hair styled for the occasion, so I said pleasantly "Oh Mrs. __, I am
____. I have met you before with Belinda, I am one of her good
friends." Jake's mother glared at me for a few seconds before turning
to someone else and began talking. I was a bit shocked at this, but
determined not to become upset. They both ignored me for the rest of the
night.
During the toast, Jake's father was giving
a toast. When he came to the part about Jake proposing to Belinda he said
"So Jake gave Belinda the ring and without saying thank-you she
immediately called her work and quit. Without even putting it on she got
in the car and drove to the nearest shop and had the ring valued. She then
went and organized the most expensive wedding that Jake could afford. Yes
Jake has his hands full with this one! I don't think he'll be giving up
his job soon - Belinda has his nose to the grindstone!" This story of
course, was completely untrue. Everyone was laughing, although I was quite
horrified that Jake's father would think this was an appropriate toast to
the bride.
As I was leaving I tried again to be polite
and wish Jake's parents’ goodnight. After I thanked them for a lovely
night, Jake's father stared at my top (the reception was formal and I was
wearing a fitted top with shoestring straps and a full skirt - very
similar to most dresses at the reception. I am also quite a small girl
with a small bust) and said "well love I've noticed YOU"VE been
popping out all evening!" I really didn’t know what to say although
I am sure Jake's mother won't forget me next time after that comment! I
really thought their behavior that evening was very tacky!
Witches 1107/03
|
