The Whole Thing from start to
finish is a disaster
Jan-Jul 2003 Archive
Jul-Dec 2003 Archive
I was chosen to be a bridesmaid for my SIL's wedding.
"Sue" was one of those people that had the attitude of
"it's my way or the highway". So I was kind of nervous
about accepting the position, but I did anyway. Well, I should have
went with my gut instinct and declined.
First of all she wanted to have a medieval theme
for her wedding. I thought that would be cool and was wanting to
help her pick out some dresses to go with the theme. Well, being the
control freak that she is, she picked out three dresses off of the
internet and showed them to me and the other bridesmaid. We
expressed our opinions, but I don't think she even cared about them.
She was bound and determined to get the dress that she wanted. It
turns out that she orders one dress off the internet for us to try on.
The dress was hideous. It was a weird sort of dark olive colored
dress with a deep v-neckline and a wrap-around corset type thing, and
these huge, very long bell-sleeves. I tried on the dress, and it
looked like I was trying on a fat Jedi's robe. I didn't have the
chest to fill out the deep v-neckline, but she didn't think that was a
concern. I felt very uncomfortable in it. But like I said, she
didn't think that was an issue. So the maid of honor tries it on.
It makes her look like a female Friar Tuck. Of course when we showed
the dress to her parents and other curious folk, they smiled the fakest
smile they could muster without laughing and said "yeah, the dress
looks great". Traitors! It was obvious they didn't want
to hurt "Sue's" feelings. I actually went online to find
some very reasonably priced dresses that fit the occasion, and looked more
richly detailed than the peasant dress she picked out (and more figure
flattering). The wedding was to take place around Christmas, so
I thought nice rich, jewel-toned velvet or satin would look appropriate.
Oh no, she had to insist on the olive green, cotton/polyester dress
that made everyone look like a Lord of the Rings movie extra reject.
So with that, she orders the dresses for us, even though we don't like
them. The dresses come, and they obviously need some
alterations All they did to the MOH's dress was hem a few inches off
of the bottom. But my dress needed to be taken up at the shoulders
to correct the plunging neckline. She still didn't think it was an
issue. I was getting upset that she didn't care that my breasts were
going to be hanging out of this dress if I made any sudden moves or leaned
over Well in the long run, I won the battle over the neckline and
got it altered.
A month or so before the wedding I had some really
important job interviews to go to, so I wanted to cut my long, frizzy hair
into a more modern and trendy style. I had planned on doing this way
before I was even chosen to be a bridesmaid So I get my hair cut
short in a trendy little spikey hair do that looked really good on me.
The next day, I went over to Sue's house to pick up my bridesmaid dress.
She says that my hair looked really cool. But then the next day, she
calls up my husband (her brother) and goes crazy. She says that
"how dare her cut her hair short like that", "she didn't
get my permission to cut her hair", and "she's going to ruin my
wedding pictures". Oh my God! I thought I was going to
freak out. I could not believe that she would go apesh*t over a
haircut (and neither could anyone else in the family). She cried for
two days over this!! I thought that you picked your bridesmaids
because you like them, and want them to stand up for you and your wedding,
not pick them because of the length of their hair. I had no
idea that was the "prerequisite" of being a bridesmaid in her
wedding. This issue went on for a week. And stupid me, I
should've bailed out then.
Then the wedding day comes closer and closer, and she
gets more neurotic as the days count down. I took my dress home with
me, but she kept the other bridesmaid dress with her. She also kept
the best-man's, the groom's man, and her father's tuxedos at her house
thinking that they would be too irresponsible to take care of their own
clothing. She was acting like a Kindergarten teacher handing out her
students costumes for a school play. The wedding day comes, so Sue,
her parents, the best-man and maid-of-honor, go to the wedding facility at
7:00 a.m. to decorate. She doesn't even bother to call us to say
they were there already. Me and my husband wake up at 10 a.m.
because we were up all night packing a truck to haul all of the
decorations, food, etc. So, we race to get ready and drive to the
facility as fast as we can, and they're already done. They say they
are going to drive all the way back home (25 miles away) to take a shower
and come back. So we drive up there for nothing.
I (the smart one) already have my dress with me, so I go
ahead and change while I'm at the wedding site. The rest of the
party has to wait to get dressed because "the princess" hasn't
arrived yet. She is 2 hours late. Guess who looks like
the shining star now? They all scurry like chickens with their heads
cut off to get ready. Sue is getting ready with the MOH and still
has curlers in her hair. I tell her that it is really windy outside
and should wear some hairspray to keep her curls looking good. She
say's she "doesn't believe in hairspray because it doesn't look
natural". Well she goes outside (it's in the middle of
December), and the wind whips her hair and her veil all around her.
In ten minutes her hair is flat and frizzy (with no time to redo her
hair). So I'm standing there with a "I told you so" look
on my face.
Right before the wedding my husband (who was a groom's
man) exclaims that he and I were going to change into our normal clothes
right after the wedding so we would feel more comfortable at the
reception. Oh, no! We can't do that. She was furious that we
would even mention changing. Not to mention that she was in our
wedding a few years back, and she was practically in her skivvies after we
said "I do".
I could believe she was this hung up on being so
controlling over the whole wedding. She practically controlled over
what kind of underwear we were going to wear. Well actually she did
that with her mother. Her poor mother is a very sickly woman who can
barely see because of complications of diabetes. She is also on pain
management patches to control ongoing pain that she has. Sue picks
out her mothers' outfit from head to toe. The woman is in her mid
50's and she comes to the wedding in some "gothic" looking
outfit like she was going to "Goth band" concert (or to a
funeral, take your pick). She had on black from head to toe.
She wore a long crinkle style skirt with a black blouse and a ankle length
duster sweater and black boots. It looked like something Sue would
wear instead of her mother. Her mother said to me that she even
picked out the slip that she was wearing and that she was freezing to
death because the slip was made for a mini skirt. She said the boots
were killing her feet, and she had only had them on for 10 minutes.
You don't make diabetics wear tight fitting and hard-soled shoes.
But that's what she was wearing. Poor thing.
Then at the reception, after we had our sit-down meal,
we watched Sue and her husband, and then Sue and her father dance to the
dj's music that they pick out. Now mind you the theme to the wedding
was medieval, and Christmas. We had to sit through Honky Tonk music
that blared throughout the reception hall. After the reception, and
everyone went home (including the best man, and the MOH), we, Sue's
parents, her brother and I started cleaning up. Not one time did Sue
ever come over to talk to us during the reception, or thank us for
cleaning up the mess that took up half the night to finish. To say
the least....I was pissed off. If anything, this was the worst
organized, non-friendly, non-inviting wedding I have ever been too.
And was half-a*sed at best. Also to say the least, it was the
weirdest combinations of any theme (or themes) mish-moshed together that I
ever saw. Country/Honky Tonk music played at a Christmas/medieval
themed wedding. Not to mention the bride is Wiccan, and the groom is
Christian. So we had that going on too. Plus instead of the
usual song played when they were pronounced husband and wife, they proceed
down the aisle with the theme song from the movie "The Nightmare
Before Christmas". If you ask me...... the wedding WAS the
nightmare before Christmas!!!!
This is my best Wedding Gone Bad story, complete with
hints that the marriage is doomed.......
Many years ago I attended the wedding of two children
from two families from our old church. The bride was nice but
not the brightest bulb on the porch; the groom was cocky but not as
smart as he thought. The wedding was THE major social
event for the bride's mother and an affirmation of her daughter's
purity. In fact, she let my mom know that the groom will be
getting a virgin. The bride's mother knew this, she said to my
mom, because she took her daughter/bride to the gynecologist, and the gynecologist
confirmed the daughter/bride's hymen was intact [ I AM NOT MAKING
THIS UP! ASK MY MOM!]
The big day arrived, and the wedding started off fine.
The church was darkened and reverent, and most of the light at
the altar was given off by two huge, 60-candle candelabras that flanked
the bridal party. The minister began to speak. About two
minutes into his speech, the little flower girl simply walked off the
stage and laid down on the front pew. One of the church ladies got
up and went over to her, and no one thought much of it. About
another two minutes later, the maid of honor turned around, staggered off
the stage, and crash-landed on the front pew, too. Now there was a
problem; something was wrong. The minister caught it, and
called the congregation to prayer so that the bridal party could collect
While he was praying, the congregation next heard a loud
BOOM. Being a teenager, I opened my eyes to see a pair of legs
flailing in the organ pit next to the altar, and the church men
rushing to the scene. It turns out the groomsman on the end had
fainted and toppled backwards into the organ pit. The minister kept
praying until the latest victim got dragged out of the church, quickly
pronounced them man and wife, and the whole bridal party fled back down
At the reception, the truth emerged: the 120
candles that the idiots had up at the altar effectively sucked away the
air up at the front! Only the physically fit and the sober were left standing.
Even the bride was being propped up by the groom, we just couldn't tell
it. The fainting groomsman got stinking drunk at the bachelor party
the night before, slept in late, hadn't eaten anything all day, and
proved it with his back flip into the organ pit. Woohoo!
Party! The bride and groom survived the reception OK, but when
it was time for them to leave, was the groom the one driving the car?
Nooooooo...it was the bride's daddy. And her little sister
hopped into the back seat with them! They were divorced less
than two years later. To this day, that was the funniest
"these idiots got what they deserved" wedding I have ever
The nightmare of my wedding began during the
planning process. My hillybilly future in-laws made everything a
nightmare. First, my ex-mother-in-law says that my mother is taking all of
the planning over, even though my Mom talked to his mother about the menu,
and other details. They said that they had family members who couldn't eat
pork, due to their religion, so we couldn't have pork roast. My mother
asked my ex-husband what he thought we should have instead, and he
replied, "ham." I guess I don't have to mention that he's not
that bright. During the wedding planning, my ex-mother-in-law decides that
this would be a great time to reunite my ex-husband with his biological
sister from Alaska, whom he's never met. He's adopted, and he had spoken
to her on the phone, but they had never met.
The day of the rehearsal was a disaster. My ex's family
refused to pay for any alcohol for the rehearsal dinner because they don't
drink, which I suppose it isn't a big deal, but they're so cheap. At the
rehearsal at the church the minister shows up an hour late, because there
was a tornado that delayed him at another town 7 miles away. Once he gets
there, my maid-of-honor passes out, she's a hypochondriac and loves the
attention, so I assume that was staged, I'll never know for sure, I guess.
Then, at the rehearsal dinner at the restaurant, we lose power, and we're
all sitting in the dark. You would have thought that I would have seen
this as an omen and ran, but I didn't.
The ceremony went off without a hitch, but after the
dinner, my bridesmaids and maid of honor "stole" me from the
reception because none of us were old enough to drink, and they couldn't
"steal" my ex-husband and take him for a drink because no one
was old enough. They took me, and we did end up having some drinks anyway
at a bar. In the meantime, the best man and groomsmen and ushers
"stole" my ex-husband, and his sister from Alaska went
with them. My bridal attendants brought me back in time for the first
bride and groom dance. I waited a half hour while the D.J. is wondering
when the bride and groom dance is going to take place and everyone is
asking where the groom is.
When he finally shows up, I'm furious. We're on the
dance floor, and I'm asking him where in the hell he had been. Come to
find out, one of the ushers and his sister from Alaska are smoking the
"peace pipe" out in the country! His sister is Native American
and had some pot with her, so her and the usher decided to smoke dope.
During the bride and groom dance, he's explaining this to me and acts as
if I'm overreacting! All of this is on video, during the whole dance it's
visible on the video that we are arguing. After this the reception goes on
and even though I'm not old enough, people were offering me their drinks
on the side, so I could at least celebrate a little bit. I'm from a small
town and it's not a really big deal. However, my ex-husband tells everyone
that I can't drink anything because I have to drive us to our motel room
20 miles away. He wants to be able to get drunk, and I can be the
designated driver! By the way, his family was so cheap most of them didn't
give us gifts, but they sure bellied up to the bar and the food line!
I was so miserable at the dance, and knew that I'd just
made the biggest mistake of my life. I bawled my eyes out while I danced
with my brother. After the dance we head to our motel room twenty miles
away. My ex-husband is drunk. We get to the motel room and get into bed
and the phone rings. His brother, who is a cop, calls from a restaurant
and tells my ex that his sister from Alaska is passed out drunk, and
he can't get her to leave. He actually has the nerve to ask my ex to leave
his bride on his wedding night to wake up his passed out sister.
You'd think someone who claims to be a police officer could
handle the situation. My ex-husband actually goes to the restaurant to try
and get her up! I'm alone in the motel room on my wedding night.
After the wedding is finally over, my ex and I are in
our new home, the morning after the wedding. We decided to take a
honeymoon about six months later, so we went home the day after the
wedding. It's a Monday morning at about 7:00 in the morning, I hear a key
in the door, it's my ex-mother-in-law coming to get the tuxes to take them
back! This story is about wedding hell so I won't go into the marriage
from hell. You can about imagine what it was like if my ex-mother-in-law
is letting herself in the house two days after we're married. Needless, to
say I'm divorced now, and am glad to be rid of the husband and in-laws
from hell. It's about 5 years later, and I'm happily engaged to be married
in September, and I know it's going to be a lot better this time!
The trouble with my wedding started even before my
husband (we'll call him Dave) and I actually got engaged. His family
is VERY conservative (more than a little bit on the strange side of
religious, actually), and as soon as he and I started getting serious,
they sat us down and lectured us for two hours about how Dave was too
young to be in a relationship - he was 24, I was 22 - and that if
I had any kind of upbringing at all, I would go live at home and
help my mother raise my two baby sisters, who were toddlers at the time
(never mind what my mother would have thought about this - her response
would have been, "I can raise my own children, thank you very
Then, as they told me, when my sisters turned
18 (how many years down the road?!), my parents and his parents could get
together and discuss arranging a marriage for us. After all, that's
how it was done in "the old country." Neither Dave nor
myself are quite clear on exactly what country that is. Both
his parents are from Iowa, as are their parents, and we're reasonably
certain that's not how things are done there. They went on to
tell me that the Bible states that the parents are the "spiritual
heads" of the children, and since I was in a relationship with their
son, he was MY "spiritual head." This meant that I had to
do whatever they told me to do. You can imagine how well that logic
Fast forward to our engagement. During the time
between when Dave proposed and the wedding took place, they did their best
to make life hell for me. It got so bad with one of his three
sisters, in particular, that Dave actually wrote her a letter
disinviting her from the wedding, afraid that she was going to cause
trouble or try to ruin it. This, of course, caused quite the
sensation among the other family members.
The week of the wedding, Dave's parents kept calling, at
least twice a day, changing their minds about whether they were attending
or not, giving various excuses (they couldn't clean up the house in time
to make the trip, they would only come if one of my relatives would put
them up, they would only come if Dave and I would pay airfare, they
felt that they had to "stand together as a family," and if the
sister wasn't invited, they felt "morally obligated" to stay
away, blah blah blah). I could tell Dave was terribly hurt, and it
did bother me for that reason, but for my own sake, I couldn't have cared
less at that point whether they showed up or not. Frankly, I kind
of hoped they wouldn't, but I knew Dave wanted them there...after all,
they were his parents! I told Dave that if he acted like he didn't
care, they'd probably quit messing with his head and just make a decision
Sure enough, that's exactly what happened. He
stopped giving them the satisfaction of getting upset, and they
mysteriously decided that they could make it after all. They showed
up barely in time for the rehearsal. At the rehearsal, my aunt
sort of took over the task of herding everyone around, showing them where
they needed to be. That was fine with me, as my uncle (her husband)
was officiating at the wedding, and she had done this sort of thing
before. I had carefully chosen the processional music, and had made
a tape of it beforehand. I had chosen the bridesmaids' processional
music partly for the length of it, and for the easily distinguishable
intervals in the music during which each bridesmaid would make her
entrance. My aunt, however, decided that the bridesmaids should wait
twice the amount of time before starting down the aisle, which meant the
song was not long enough, and would have to be played twice instead of
just once. I wasn't thrilled with this plan, but she was insistent,
and I was so burned out on dealing with all of the details that I just let
it go. Big mistake. A new tape was made that evening and given
to the sound man, who "came with" the church. It was
CLEARLY marked as being the correct tape to use, and the sound man was
VERY specifically told to change out the tape we had given him previously
for that one. You all see this one coming, don't you?
The wedding day arrives, and the wedding party is
due to have photos taken. Dave shows up half an hour late, zonked
from having taken a muscle relaxer. I was furious, but kind of got
swept along in the events of the day and didn't have much time to think
about it. He did manage to function respectably. In
between her many other duties, my MOH manages to double-check with the
sound man to make sure the tape was switched. He assures her that it
was, and the bridesmaids walk down the aisle without a hitch. Or most
of them do, anyway. The last one is about to start, and the bridal
march starts to play. She stands there, not knowing quite what to
do, as the MOH frantically runs upstairs to the sound man, who, as it
turns out, has not switched the tape, and is unaware of the mix-up because
HE IS WEARING A SET OF HEADPHONES AND LISTENING TO A WALKMAN!!
Noticing the irate MOH (she can be very imposing when the need arises), he
pulls off his headphones, attempts to gather his wits about him and
hits the rewind button without stopping the tape first, which means that
the wedding party and guests are treated to that loud screeching
sound that a song makes when you rewind it with the volume up.
I had asked the boyfriend of one of my BMs to be an
usher, and although he and the BM had since broken up, they claimed to be
friends and he was on good terms with the rest of the family (this BM was
a cousin of mine), so he was still an usher. They ended up having an
argument at the reception. My aunt quickly put a stop to that, but
it still kind of put a damper on things. Interesting side note:
she caught the bouquet and he caught the garter, and they did get married
not long after. They're now divorced, however.
After the reception, Dave and I make our way back to the
bed and breakfast we're staying at. It was a hot, stressful day, I
was wearing a lot of layers, and had developed a headache, so he gave me a
pill to take. I thought it was ibuprofen. Turned out to be a
muscle relaxer (Dave was sure fond of those, wasn't he?). Of course,
it put me right to sleep, at which point he left and went to have drinks
with the groomsmen, leaving the MOH to take care of me. She was
livid with him, as was I, and even the GMs thought this was a pretty lousy
thing to do on his wedding night.
That wasn't the end of it, though...on our honeymoon, I
came down with strep, which I caught from one of the flower girls.
He told me he was going to go check on our train tickets, as we were
leaving for Paris the next morning (we were in London at the time), and
would be back in an hour, tops. He was gone for SEVEN HOURS.
Apparently he decided to tour the city on his own, leaving me alone at the
bed and breakfast with the snotty owner (she looked down her nose at us
and made snide remarks constantly, rationed out sugar cubes like
they were gold, and turned off the hot water for the duration of our stay
to "save money"), never bothering to check in.
By the time he wandered in, happy and carefree at 10:30
that night, I had already called both our families, and the
owner was busy calling hospitals while I sat there, sick as a dog, trying
to figure out what I would do if he was missing or dead somewhere in a
city halfway across the world from home. I managed to swallow
my anger at him for the sake of having a good time the rest of the trip,
but Dave never did get a clue about how to treat a wife with some
semblance of common consideration and respect, and I'm sure it will
surprise no one to hear that five years later, he and I are now
My husband's cousin was getting married about 3 years
ago. They are the hippie-naturalist type. So they wanted an outdoor
wedding. This is no big deal since my wedding was outside. But they had
theirs in the middle of August... in a state park... in Wisconsin, next to
the St. Croix, about 20 minutes from Taylors Falls, MN. It was hot, humid,
and miserable. It wouldn't have been so bad except their ceremony was at
the top of a hill. All the elderly had to stay at the bottom for fear of
heat stroke or they were in wheel chairs or walkers. The ones who were
able to make it up the hill were greeted with a 30 minute ceremony, with
no chairs to sit on, no cool breeze, as the air was still that day, the
noon August sun glaring on us, and the hippie friends of the bride and
groom who did not believe in deodorant, or shaving for that matter. Some
even smelled like they hadn't bathed in a week.
When the ceremony was over, to our relief, we got to go
to the reception site. It was set up very nicely, actually. Except they
never bothered to cover the seats of the picnic tables. It had rained the
day before, thus making the humidity that much more pleasant. So my rear
end of my light blue dress was stained brown. Nice. The dinner was
probably very good. I couldn't eat it because everything had some sort of
seafood ingredient. I am allergic to fish. So I ate the one thing that
wasn't swimming with the fishes...dry pita bread. Both their families are
very wealthy, so there was the REALLY expensive champagne The stuff
actually imported from France. I thought the sparkling cider they had for
the kids tasted better. To me, the cheaper it is, the better it tastes.
But that is all they had. No water or anything else. If you wanted water,
there was a water fountain about 50 yards away. No pop (they are hippies
remember) or juice or anything. Luckily my hubby (then fiancé) had a case
of beer and bottled water in his truck for a pool party we were heading to
later. I went and chugged 2 bottles to cool me down. Everything from
then on seemed to go better. Or so I thought.
About an hour later, everyone was going down this path
that lead to a lake that was part of the St. Croix. People said that they
were going swimming. We were in luck as we had our suits for the party
later. We changed and went down there to cool down. My hubby stopped in
his tracks and just stared. They were all skinny dipping!!! Less than 40
yards from a public beach with a TON of kids. I said no. I have a problem
with just exposing myself to a bunch of strangers. Maybe I am a prude, but
I just don't feel like going nekkid in front of a bunch of little kids no
less. Someone must have called park security and the cops, because
20 minutes later, they were all being arrested for indecent exposure. One
guy was being put in the squad car yelling "The human body is nothing
to be ashamed of!" We left at that point. The pool party later on was
much more fun.
My boyfriend and I were invited to a wedding that took
place on January 31, 2004 in San Francisco. It was the most disorganized
wedding I have ever been to. The invitations mentioned that there would be
a tour of the city during the 4 hours between the ceremony and reception
(4 long hours, why, I don't know) and that there would be cocktails and
dinner at the reception site.
Well . . .
The wedding ceremony was nice, except for the DJ, who
chose the moment of the bride and groom being presented as man and wife,
to rip a chord or blow a fuse or something, so that the entire church
shook with a really loud clang.
Afterwards people milled about for a bit and then got on
the trolleys (2 of them) as we'd been told there was no parking at the
reception, so everyone had to leave their cars at the church. Fair enough.
Except this is San Francisco in January, we were freezing for 4 hours, and
although there were coolers in the trolley, there was nothing in them, not
even water. That was a good thing, though, because we didn't stop anywhere
that had a bathroom.
Halfway through the tour, we went back to the church to
pick up the bridal party. The other trolley had the groom's family and
mother of the bride and other guests in them, and the bride and groom got
in our trolley. The whole point of touring SF was so that the bride's 4
photographers could take pictures of the couple in picturesque SF sites,
but about 5 minutes after we left the church with the bride and groom,
they realized that none of the photographers got on the trolley.
At this point one of the guests offered to take pictures
for the bride wherever she wanted because he was pretty good with his
camera, so we stopped at a couple of places while he took pictures. We got
to the Bay Bridge and were told that a van would stop to pick us up
because the trolleys couldn't go on the bridge to get to the reception. We
waited for an hour in a freezing, open trolley, hungry, thirsty, needing
to use a restroom.
An hour later we got to the reception, where the first
trolley had arrived an hour earlier and people had eaten most of the food.
I thought it appalling that not even the mother of the bride cared enough
to call and find out where her daughter was and why she was an hour late.
No, they all just ate food and had a blast and no one cared to stop eating
long enough to greet the bride and groom when they walked in.
The food was all Thai appetizers, no dinner at all, or
cocktails, just 2 buck chuck wine, which is fine, but it's not cocktails
and dinner as stated on the invitation, so people who were hungry and
thirsty had to make do with a couple of finger foods. A couple of people
didn't eat much at all because everything had peanut sauce on it and they
were allergic to peanuts.
The music at the reception was bad, the DJ's only
"trick" was to put masks on people, like Elvis, the Clintons,
and Jack in the Box, pretty silly stuff. He played bad music and no one
danced. It was all very disorganized, no announcement of cake cutting or
first dance or anything. At 10pm the music stopped but the bus taking
people back to the church to get their cars didn't arrive until 11:30pm,
so people were sitting around for an hour and a half doing nothing.
From what I know the bride kept yelling at her maid of
honor, bossing her around and yelling at her when she didn't spray her
We got to our cars at half past midnight and got home at
1:30 in the morning. It was the longest, most miserable time I have ever
had at a wedding. I hope the marriage lasts, at least.
I recently attended the wedding of my husband's
cousin "Keith" to his ladylove "Laura." I can't
quite decide if it was just poor planning of a wedding or if these people
were actually as clueless as they appeared to be.
A few words about Keith...Keith is not the most
responsible man on the planet. He drinks heavily, doesn't have a
driver's license (for obvious reasons) and is constantly broke. He
has waited tables at the same restaurant for the last fifteen years, which
is more a tribute to his employer's dedication than his work ethic.
Keith met his beloved a year ago. They immediately
fell passionately in love, which apparently rankled her daughter from her
previous marriage (more on her later). About six months later, we
get a call from Keith letting us know that he is buying a house with Laura
and they are getting ready to close, but due to "real estate
agent error", they are $30,000 short and could we loan it to them?
My dear husband pretends it is a joke and laughs it off. Apparently
they were serious and ended up having to put all of their things in
storage while they figured out another house to buy. They are a bit
annoyed with us for not helping them out. This is in June.
We see Keith and Laura in August at a family
gathering. They seem rational at this point, although they are very
concerned about starting a family right away because she is 45, but has
heard that you can use fertility drugs and should be able to get pregnant
right away. Mind you, they aren't engaged (she is secretly
speculating that he is going to propose during a Hawaiian vacation in
September), but she'd definitely like to have his children ASAP. Her
nineteen year old daughter is apparently not in favor of this whole plan,
as she was kicked out of living with her mom when Laura decided to move in
with Keith, but she will just "have to deal."
Fast forward to the second week of October. I get
a card in the mail with a return address of Keith and Laura Cousins.
I assume, as she is using his name, that they must have gotten married at
a justice of the peace and we are getting a wedding announcement (although
we had just seen them a month earlier at an anniversary party for Keith's
parents which was held at the new house, so I am a little surprised).
Okay, I think, well, that's nice, I will send a gift. I open the
card to find a formal wedding invitation to their home wedding. When
I say formal, I mean the actually engraved invitations with embossed
formal bride and groom.
The outside envelope is not only addressed to my husband
and I, but also has a note to invite my husband's brother, wife, two kids
and my husband's sister, husband and two kids. As none of these
people have resided in the same household for twenty years, I find this surprising
and a bit in bad taste. Since they obviously have our phone number
(used to call for the loan money), they certainly could have called for
addresses, but perhaps they were pressed for time. I am also
wondering how they are planning on having all of these people in their
home as we were crowded with thirty people for the anniversary party.
Keith's immediate family numbers in the 25 range...if they are inviting
cousins and their children, how will they fit all of these people in their
house for a November wedding (it is usually 40 or so degrees here and
snows often in November)? Not my problem, I suppose, so I note the
Sunday wedding date on our calendar and notify hubby that we will be going
to a wedding.
Due to a home emergency (pipe leak that needed to get
fixed ASAP), we aren't able to attend the wedding, but we make sure to
attend the reception, which was held where our reception had been a year
earlier. It is a very formal place with elegant table settings and
real plates, glassware, etc. It was a bit nostalgic as we
walked in. We were immediately greeted by Keith, who was wearing a
tux with a neon blue tie and cummerbund of the kind usually found on
high school boys in the early 80's. He has obviously been drinking,
but we give him our congratulations and head to find a table with the
Once I am seated, I notice that there are four women in
bridesmaid dresses and two little girls in formal wear. The dresses
are a bit odd, as they are neon pink, backless and strapless. The
bridesmaids were mostly in their thirties and appeared to be cold and/or
falling out of their dresses. They definitely were uncomfortable
(and I found out later...they hated their dresses, but were too afraid of
Laura to say anything...It is interesting that none of the attendants,
with the exception of the maid of honor, are people Laura knows...it is
all Keith's family....has this woman no friends?). I look towards
the head table. There are matching numbers of men, dressed in neon blue.
Now, I am not one to take a bride to task for her color scheme, but I
haven't seen dresses like these since my high school prom and certainly
was perplexed as to why a bride would have her bridesmaids wear clothing
that is not only unflattering but completely unseasonable. And why
would you have a wedding party of ten people for a simple house wedding?
I had a formal church wedding and fewer attendants! The bride
herself was wearing a large white bride's dress with a cathedral train.
Once again, I am perplexed by what she was doing with a cathedral train in
her own home. You couldn't even fit the whole thing in her living
Curious, I turn to an aunt and ask her about the
wedding. She tells me that it was standing room only, with several
people unable to even see the wedding as they were stuck behind a wall in
the kitchen. The ceremony lasted ten minutes which left everyone
with four hours to kill until the reception and no where to sit or wait
out the time. She also mentioned that the bride made her dress and the bridesmaids
dresses. So, it's not even like these were the only dresses
available at short notice!
The reception continues with finger foods and overpriced
drinks (typical for a wedding). Hubby and I are bombarded with
people reminding us of our reception and how nice it had been and how they
wished they were at our reception again. I was a little embarrassed...I
didn't want to upstage this bride. She could do that for herself,
apparently. It was time for the toasts. The bride's daughter
was the maid of honor and her toast went something like
"Well, I guess you're married. He seems like a nice guy, I suppose
I'll have to get to know him now." Not exactly a glowing
recommendation from your new stepdaughter, but she is apparently still
stewing about getting thrown out of the house at 18 so her mom could move
in with her "love".
Then comes the bride's turn. She is going to toast
her new husband with a "family heirloom....a poem my grandmother
wrote....How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."
She does this with perfect calm. She apparently really thinks her
grandmother wrote the Elizabeth Barrett Browning poem. She also
muffs the beginning of the poem with "How do I love me?" and has
to start over.
A few moments later, the bride has a caterer whispering
in her ear. The five tier cake (which apparently she also made?)
needs to be cut. We all turn to find out why....it has started to
lean and is making a move towards the floor. Dancing begins
with the hokey pokey and it just continues badly from there. Because
everyone, including the bride and groom is stinking drunk and can't really
stand up. That is when they aren't out on the deck smoking and
complaining about the reception site as being "lame and stupid".
After two hours, as this is a Sunday and we have to
work, we head for the door, congratulating the bride and groom. The
groom protests that we have to stay and dance because they "have the
place until midnight!" The bride looks at us and says " Do I
even know you?" I want to scream, NO, and head out, but we
smile and leave.
A month later we received a thank you note for our cash
gift (we figured they needed it). It was a quarter sheet of blue
copy paper with their initials copied on it and covered with glitter glue.
The rest of the note was also a photocopy of a handwritten note with a
blank left for the gift where they had written in a different color of ink
our gift. It was not even signed, but I knew from the address who it
I am just perplexed as to what kind of wedding the bride
was trying to throw. A formal wedding with the attire and cake?
A simple wedding at home with a simple reception and thank you notes?
Nobody is even sure what the rush for a wedding was....they were living
together already and they aren't currently expecting any children.
His whole family is giving it about a year.
Thank you ever so much for this site! It has provided
hours of entertainment for me and several friends. I am now planning my
own wedding and hope that I do not commit any faux pas worthy of these
pages. That being said, I have a fairly good mish-mash about the
general goings on in my place of work regarding weddings.
I have been at the same job for the last few years, and
while I have really enjoyed my co-workers, when it comes to weddings and
showers some of them are truly unreal. What amazes me is that SO
MANY people in one company can have the same lack of etiquette.
The first wedding I encountered at the company was that
of a second-time bride. I was approached about helping out with a
"work shower" for her. I don't agree with throwing showers for
the second time around, but agreed to do my part. A few days later, I was
informed that the couple did not need anything, but that we would be
doing a "money tree". Okay, not my cup of tea, but I thought I
would go with the flow.
The shower was fine and a few days later I was
approached about attending a bachelorette party. I politely told the
hostess that I simply could not afford a night out on the town...I was an
entry-level administrative assistant living on my own. She coaxed and
insisted until I agreed. I attended the party and spent a good bit of
money I didn't have, but it seemed to make the bride happy that I was
there, so I was happy.
A week later, the couple was married on an island and
came back home for the reception. The reception was held in the FOYER of a
ballroom (not in the room) at a local hotel. There was a cash bar and
literally NOTHING else to drink...apparently I was not the only person
there surprised by this as not one person appeared to be ready with cash.
After watching the ceremony video the bride proceeded to cut and serve her
own cake as she didn't hire any help from the hotel. On seeing this, I
immediately offered to take over and served cake to everyone. After the
bulk of the guests left (rather quickly), I loaded all of the gifts on a
cart and helped them take them to the honeymoon suite. A few days later I
got a call from the bride...she was calling to let me know that she was
returning the check I had given them for their wedding present (normally I
would have purchased a gift but they had pretty much requested money). I
was (naturally) shocked at the idea and asked why. She (snottily) replied
that she heard I was in "dire straights" and she wouldn't want
to further that. I told her that times had indeed been tight but that I
wouldn't give a gift I didn't want her to have. We hung up and she cashed
the check....never got a thank you note for any of it.
The next wedding in line was that of a first time bride
in her late twenties. The wedding was to be held several states away on
the water. She had asked me on a few occasions for help in looking for
vendors on the internet (I'm known around the office to have a bit of a
knack when it comes to the web so this was no big surprise) and I was
happy to help. Because the wedding was so far away and this woman wasn't a
close friend, I never expected to be invited.
As the wedding date neared she sent out invitations. I
did not get one, but a co-worked who did showed it to me. First off, the
location of the ceremony was a THREE HOUR drive from the nearest airport.
To make matters worse, registry information (three cards worth) were
neatly tucked in with the invite. Later on, she had the gall to ask me if
I planned to attend. I told her that I had not received an invitation. Her
reply was that she couldn't afford invitations for everyone but assumed
that I would know I was invited. I politely declined. I did, however send
a small gift for which I received no thank you note. This year she had a
baby and I sent a shower gift (why do I this) and of course, no thank you
Since then there have been six baby showers where I have
*always* bought gifts off the registry for and again, NOT ONE THANK YOU!
Now that I am planning my own wedding, things are much
worse. My future hubby and I have had about 20 "self-invites"
where people have either asked if they could come or told
us that they would "be in town" on our date. Then, two ladies
from work told me about this "GREAT" shower idea where
you have the guests address their own envelopes. (I swear they weren't
kidding.) Another, upon hearing me say to a female "self-invite"
that our budget would not allow us to invite anyone but family (a little
white lie), started asking me about our plans and suggesting cuts so
we could invite more people!! I suppose her heart was in the right
place but I hardly think it was appropriate considering that I didn't ask
DOWN WITH "SELF-INVITES" and Cheer to
A lot of the things that went wrong here weren't the
Bride and Groom's fault but it was a dreadful day nonetheless. It started
badly with my husband and I leaving ourselves 5 1/2 hours to do the 3 hour
journey as we wanted to have a nice lunch before the 3pm wedding.
Unfortunately we got stuck in the most horrendous traffic and ended up
skidding into the church 5 minutes late. We felt so bad! Anyway, we were
starving as we don't eat breakfast (I know, very bad of us!) and looking
forward to the reception as everything was beautiful and we expected good
things as no expense had been spared, the men were all in top hats and
tails, the bride and bridesmaids in beautiful dresses.
After the wedding the photos began, some at the church
and others in the grounds of the ruined castle that was next door and
where the reception was being held. We expected maybe an hour of photos
and then to sit down to eat, we had a surprise! The photos took 4 hours
and finally finished at 8pm! Several times my husband threatened to leave
because he was so hungry, I wouldn't let him as that would have been
During the photos the bride's Mother was incredibly rude
to me for no reason, acting very snooty that I was married 'so young' when
I was older than her daughter. And she knew exactly how old I was because
we were discussing being at university with the groom (same age as us,
older than his wife).
We're finally allowed to go in for the buffet at 8pm and
we notice that there is no seating plan, this I thought was very lazy.
Anyway, the bridal party went up first and then everyone else. The meal
was (and this is not an exaggeration), a roll of ham each, 1 sausage each,
a plate of little triangles of cheese of which we all got 2 pieces, a roll
and half a spoonful of mushrooms in a cream sauce. It was all served to us
at the buffet table and the portions were very carefully measured by the
server so no chance of taking extra. Once we'd got our measly portions we
then discovered that there weren't enough tables and chairs for everyone,
there were people leaning on the bar to eat, standing in corners and even
sitting on the floor. My husband and I shared 1 seat taking turns to eat.
The food actually ran out before the last people could be served. There
were absolutely no drinks served all day either, not even jugs of
I'm not sure whether the bride and groom ran out of
money so couldn't afford to feed us or whether they just got excited and
invited more people than they should have but suffice to say we had to
leave straight after the speeches and first dance in order to get to a
restaurant before we passed out. We're still good friends with this couple
and have never told them what an awful time we had as they really enjoyed
themselves and we don't want to ruin their memories, hence me offloading
my story on you. It may not sound that bad here but it still ranks as the
worst wedding we've been to. Catherine
My cousins and I are very different people, and most
people would not be able to guess that we are related. My father's only
brother is a dark, depressive man who raised two selfish depressive
children. The youngest of their two children, who I'll call
"Karen," is five years older than me. During our lives, she's
been incredibly unpredictable. We see each other on holidays, and her
attitude towards me is always a surprise.
When I became engaged, everyone in our families were so
excited-- except Karen. She refused to speak to me for weeks. Quickly, she
became engaged to her very new unemployed gnome-of-a-boyfriend. I felt
obligated to include Karen as we had promised each other that we would be
each other's bridesmaids as long as I can remember. I asked Karen to sing
at my wedding as she has a beautiful voice. She agreed.
At our wedding rehearsal, we were told by the organist
that my cousin had told her that she had not practiced the song at all
(although she had been promising me for several months that she was
practicing with her organist). Needless to say, her performance was
horrible. Her performance has become legendary with our friends and
family, and we have spent many an evening re-enacting the side-splitting
ordeal. Karen approached me a year before her wedding to request that I be
a part of her wedding (not long after I had asked her to sing). However,
she asked that I keep it a secret as she was not planning on asking my
only sister. I agreed, but of course told my sister. My sister laughed
heartily as she agreed that she did not want a part in it anyway. Karen
planned her wedding for shortly after my own, and with my own planning, I
forgot that I was supposed to be a part of the wedding party.
I, incidentally, was never invited. I did receive an
invitation, however, as did all of my mother's relatives. This is strange
as my mother and father have been divorced for years, and she would not
have seen my maternal family since childhood. However, when talking with
Karen, she constantly pointed out that she had "over 250" guests
invited to her wedding. I suppose this was her way of undercutting my plan
of having a very small family wedding. In fact, everything about
Karen's wedding was supposedly bigger and better. When Karen's
wedding day arrived, my husband and I drove three hours to our hometown to
attend. I carried presents from my maternal family as well. Karen's
wedding party had 26 people including her and the groom: 2 pastors, 6
bridesmaids, 6 groomsmen, 6 junior bridesmaids, 2 flower girls, 2 ring
bearers. The church, however, held less than 100 people. Apparently, 150+
invitees decided not to show.
The wedding was quick, and we went to the "cake
cutting." We were told that we were invited to a later "young
people party" that would start across town one hour after the ending
of the wedding. At this party, we were told, a full dinner
would be served. However, we were expected to attend the cake
cutting first. My husband, my father, his girlfriend, and my elderly
grandparents waited one and one half hours in the church gym munching on
mixed nuts and sweet pickles. Eventually the bride and groom came in to
cut the cake. This then lasted another hour. At that point, those of us
invited to the other party were directed to leave in front of the other
guests who were not invited. We drove 45 minutes to a smoky, smelly, tacky VFW
clubhouse in the backcountry of Tennessee.
At this point, we were forced to wait another hour while
the limo (with the bride and groom) "circled the city getting their
money's worth." Nearly five hours AFTER the ceremony (which was held
at 5pm), the bride and groom invited us to a buffet of barbequed pork
donated by a friend of the groom. After the dinner, the maid of honor
stated that the couple would be holding a "dollar dance." This
is a southern custom in which guests at the reception give the bride $1
for a dance. (This is not a Southern custom.
Prim and proper Southern matriarchs would faint at the thought of doing
something so "Yankee".) This usually lasts only a few
minutes, and is humorous as men "cut-in" over and over. However,
Karen decided that each man got a whole song, and made it known that she
expected more than $1. She also made it known that the guests were
expected to supply the music as she had decided on a "karaoke"
reception. This lasted another hour.
Finally, my elderly grandmother got a head ache and we
were allowed to leave to take her home. Now, Karen has not only supplied
us with humorous memories of our own wedding, but I now have a new story
about the Kareoke wedding I attended. By the way, my maternal family keeps
asking me why they haven't received their thank you notes. I tell them to
be thankful that they didn't have to attend the horrid event.
LOVE YOUR SITE!!! Here is the story of my wedding: Right
after we got engaged we called all of our friends with the happy news and
the date so they could plan ahead. We called my DH friend and asked him to
be a groomsman and gave him all the pertinent information. Twenty minutes
later his wife called me back and asked if we could move the wedding date
because that day didn't work for them. She suggested we move it to the
Friday before or the Sunday after, just not that Saturday. I politely told
her no but to be more accommodating we would move the time from 7 pm to 6
pm to help her out. Problem solved.
Fast forward to 1 month before the wedding. My husband
calls me in a panic. He had just realized that he asked 9 guys to be
groomsmen and I had 8 bridesmaids (I know this is not a major but I am big
on symmetry). No sweat, I called a friend from childhood and explained the
situation and told her I got to add to my special girls and I would love
it and be honored if she would join us. She accepted and was soooo sweet.
Fast forward to the week of the wedding. Me, my DH, FOB,
MOB, and 4 attendants all come down with the Norwalk virus. We couldn't
get out of bed for 3 days, it was too painful. On Tuesday during the
disease the dear bridesmaid that had stepped up called me in tears saying
she had tested positive for TB and was being driven home by her parents
for testing. She was contagious and couldn't be in the wedding. I was too
sick to be upset. She apologized profusely, she really felt horrible. Her
parents called to apologize but I ended up having to hang up on them to
run to the bathroom ( we can all laugh about this now). She called back on
Thursday and it was a false positive and she is coming back and can bee in
By the day of the wedding everyone feels great and it is
going perfectly. We get to the church and everyone is there early for
pictures. Everyone except for 1 girl in the house party. She shows up at
5:30 for the 3:00 pictures and says in my earshot that she doesn't
understand why we have to be there so early. Well there are more than 100
people on my side of the family so it would be a huge hassle to do pics
afterwards. No matter. 5:55 and we are about to walk down the aisle. My
sweet younger sister (MOH2) comes up to me bawling!! The house party girl
was telling everyone that she couldn't believe that she wasn't asked to be
a bridesmaid and was carrying on to anyone that would listen. She told my
sister that she was taking her corsage off and sitting with her husband
rather than in the place of honor I had for her and the other girls. She
was sobbing to anyone that would listen. My sister was so upset. I
informed the wedding coordinator who handled the issue. She ended up
sitting where I had asked but she didn't smile (its on the video and in
the pictures) and she left the reception immediately. We haven't spoken
since. Oh well. Everything else was perfect and except for the minor
hiccups it was perfect. Oh, and the girl that asked us to move the wedding
she didn't even come.
Gosh I love your site -reading all of these stories
reminds me of a wedding we attended 5 years ago. This may not be as
bad as most but, you decide if you'd like to post this.
My hubby's friend was getting married to his
girlfriend/live-in of 7 years. Lets call them Joan & Frank.
Hubby was BM. We live outside of the city, aka
"sticks", so we have some room to move - no neighbors, and
privacy. We volunteered our home to be the place for the
stag & doe, and actually that worked out very well. It was the
wedding - the day before, during and after that was the problem.
Outside wedding - Tent - August - Getting married
on groom's parents property (beautiful) and tent is across the road for
wedding reception. Major family from the groom's side in from
out of town from a western province. Night before
wedding - Tent is up - time to get the bridesmaids together to
decorate the tent. One didn't show - out of two. I was there
with hubby - stepped up to the plate and started in. While we blew
up balloons and tied/hung them, the "boys" went into town to get
their tuxes and whatever.... 5:30 pm. By 6:00 - the FOG was
complaining about where the guys were and how come they weren't back.
By 7:00 pm, he's had a bit too much to drink and complaining some more
that he cannot believe his son would be so disrespectful as to be so late
when all " his relatives" have come in from so far for his
wedding and he's not here.
During this time, the Mother of the Groom went out and
picked up KFC for dinner for all - ewww, yum.. AND....we are still
decorating the tent - getting the tables ready, the lighting right, making
sure that no-one is going to trip on the cords, etc. And to be
honest here, it was me and the other bridesmaid doing this. No
problem, but this isn't exactly what I signed up for. So the boys
finally get back - maybe 7:30/8:00 - there were some problems with the
tuxes and they stopped for a drink together. No Big deal. FOG
flipped right out on not only my hubby, but everyone including his son in
front of everyone, and then proceeded to say really nasty things about his
new DIL. - Gosh, how absolutely awful. What a way to start a
marriage. There was a verbal fight between the groom and his
dad - and hubby and & I just had to leave. It was just so
embarrassing. I cannot imagine what the relatives there must have
Wedding Day - 8:00 am I get a call from bride's
maid saying that the balloons we blew up the night before are
"down". Guess what? Helium balloons are treated
- guess the bride didn't bother to figure that out and get the right ones.
DUH. I ran out and got the right ones - Plus, another
helium tank. Between three of us that morning - me, one of the guys,
and some cousin staying, we did it. The Bridesmaids &
Bride were out already doing their hair thing or whatever. Fine -no
By 2:00 pm the boys were setting up the bar and kegs -
when they poured that first beer - oohhh - problemo. It tasted like
crap. Flat, and yukky. After much research into the
situation, it was determined that both the kegs were no good. It was
a major dash to the Beer Store that day for cold brew to sustain the
festivities. It also involved us (hubby & I ) forking
out some cash to help them out. Ok - fine - it's their
The ceremony - It was nice, tense but nice. (Given
everything that had been said the night before). Only thing is
nothing was delegated. The chairs from the ceremony needed to go
back to the tent. Guess who got that info and had to rely
it to other buddies that I could relate to? Then, bride forgot
that her wine for the tables was corked and that the caterers were not
going to take care of that. Guess who was asked to take
care of that too? Fortunately the groom had some wonderful cousins
and together we uncorked the wine and placed it on the tables. No big
deal, but I was starting to feel like a servant. So did
When the speeches came up - I was most interested in
hearing what the FOG would say....never a word about welcoming Joan into
the family. Wow...still blows me away. So the music starts,
and I begin to think, yes...enough, no worries, let's have some fun.
And btw - where's my husband? He gave an incredible speech and
deserves a kiss for his good naturedness. I find him outside of the
tent, talking to a few of the bride's relatives including her dad who is a
really nice person. The next thing I know is that her brother
punches her dad (who btw is in his 70's),& my husband and a few of the
groom's cousins are in shock firstly, but instinctively break it all up - it's
nasty. That's all I can say is just nasty. Lots of
faux pas here - I could list them, but if you've read this, hopefully that's
enough. And I never got even an acknowledgment or thank you
from them....ever. It would have been nice, but again - it's okay
with me. Mostly I like to be in the background anyway. AFTER -
well, They didn't last 2 years......go figure.
My husband was a groomsman in this wedding. The groom
was one of his closest friends that was in our wedding. He met a girl from
a town on the other side of our state through one of his and my husband's
friends (our best man). We were invited to the wedding and my husband was
to get a tux. Since hubby and I both work, we had to take days off of work
to be there for the rehearsal dinner and get the tux, etc.
We got the measurements for the tux at a local shop and
sent them to the groom who lost them. Then we ended up having to get them
submitted again through the mother of the groom (thank goodness she was
taking care of it). They did not give us directions or the name of the tux
shop. They gave us the name of two "nice" hotels to stay at
close to the wedding sites. There were hooks on the ceilings, sticky
carpet, no phone in the room and hourly rates available. The other one was
booked (we heard it was just as bad). Ours ran out of hot water the
morning of the wedding. There was a Holiday Inn nearby but they felt that
was too expensive so they didn't even tell us about it.
I had to call the tux shops in the yellow pages until I
found the one that had hubby's tux. It was a 45 minute ride from where we
were (away from our home). We finally got it...turns out they picked it
because the groom was free plus they got to keep the cummerbund or
something like that (all the others offered the free groom but not to keep
The rehearsal dinner is Friday night. The preacher asks
anyone involved in the wedding move to one side of the church. I am
sitting on the one side all by my lonesome. No big deal. I am not a friend
of the bride and the groom is my husband's friend, so I am not offended
(yet). The Best Man (also had been our BM) can't make it due to work. The
preacher asks me to stand in which gets the mother of the bride all worked
up. He explains he just wants someone there so they can spatially know
what is what. She asks that they send up the girl doing the guest book as
they are family and I am not. The preacher says no she is here it isn't a
big deal. Well this just starts the ball rolling....
After the rehearsal we go outside to get directions to
the rehearsal dinner and talk is of the cars for the wedding. They tell my
husband that they need our car for the wedding. They want each groomsman
to drive (two cant drive so they are getting drivers arranged). They need
my car so the bride says I can "hop a ride" with someone
else...I only know about four people there. They all have shared a rental
and have no room for me. My husband says no I want my wife to just drive
there so I don't have to worry about her. They are not happy but agree to
pair the non-driving GM with the ones that can. The bride is not happy
because she wants a convoy of many cars! Why can't I be reasonable? I have
said nothing about this. I tell my husband I will get a cab. He says ok
because they are at this point screaming about it. More on this later.
I am then told by the bride that I can drop my husband
off at the rehearsal dinner and come back for him at 1 am or he can just
stay with the groom that night and I can bring his tux over because he
needs to help detail and then decorate the cars. My husband is not happy
at all. He says no we got a hotel room and he will be going back after the
rehearsal WITH his wife. Apparently bride's sister thinks my husband is
nice and would like to spend time with him. I drop hubby at the rehearsal
dinner and then go to the hotel where he will call the desk to send me a
message or I am to show up at 10 pm to get him if I don't hear from
I get a message about ten minutes after arriving, they
need me back because since the BM is not there they have to pay for the
dinner anyway because they reserved it. The desk manager is not happy
about coming to get me. I go back over. The dinner is over. They hand me
the dinner in a box and the MOB comes up to me and say "How are you
involved in this wedding again?" as she takes the boxed food from my
hands. She asks why I am late for the rehearsal and ruining her daughter's
big day. I explain that they had told me I wasn't invited then they called
me to come so I came. She said you can go now thanks so much with a smile.
I am then told by the groom to drop my husband off in the morning with his
tux (hubby is in bathroom). I said ok.
All this time I am very agreeable and not making any
noise at all, nor do I during the whole ordeal. Hubby comes out and says I
will be there for a bit tomorrow to help but he can't stay all day as he
has work to do that he brought with him. Turns out they were all going to
go swimming at a local lake and sister of the bride wanted to spend time
with him. Hubby says no. This sweet man I married refuses to leave me in a
hotel room (and an scary one at that) all by myself.
The wedding day comes. Hubby helps with the cars and I
pick him up at the pre-decided time he gave me. Bride is not happy he is
leaving but other married groomsmen have their wives there. She knows them
I guess. He pulls the groom aside and says that he doesn't feel
comfortable having me there all by myself at the hotel. It was very noisy
the night before with the patrons there. Other family members checked out
and went to the Holiday Inn. Groom was not happy about that but it didn't
seem to hit him this was a sleazy hotel. He felt everyone should be happy.
Apparently spending money on gifts was more important than safe lodging.
Now we are at the church. My husband goes in our car
with sister of bride. Thank goodness we have bucket seats or she would
have been on his lap. I call a cab from the church office. It doesn't
come. Finally church personnel see me there still and ask what is going
on. I explain I called the cab company. It is not there yet. They say it
doesn't really operate on time and they will drive me over to the
reception. Actually the cab company they explain will not take me that far
because it is out of their realm. Everyone else had left, and I had asked
for a ride and they all said no room (even though two in car). My husband
was worried sick about me when I wasn't there for awhile. I finally get
there and on the ride home over the church lady informs me how rude the
bride is and how she made so many demands. Apparently they were not the
first choice of a church and the other first choices had bounced her.
I get there late and my seat and place card are not
there. I finally get a seat next to friends from our home town that made
only the reception. I had dinner and then dancing started. Hubby dances
with Sister/BM. When open dancing he grabs me to go on the floor and she
breaks in that she can ONLY dance with him not me. Hubby is not one to
yield and hates dancing so that didn't happen. We left as soon as we
The next day we try to find someone else to take the tux
back. We can't. The shop doesn't open until noon and it is adding to our
trip. We end up leaving many hours later than we planned. Husband doesn't
talk to the Groom (not in same town so not a stretch) but sees brother.
Apparently family hates bride. They had kids but also many problems. Heard
divorce is in future.
I had never felt so unwanted in my entire life. I just
kept my mouth shut. It could have been worse had I chimed in. Best Man
ends up marrying sister of the bride that was hot for my hubby. We are not
able to go to the wedding because I am due to have a baby and can't
travel. I get scathing letter from her in response to the wedding gift
(but not thanking) we sent because I am totally unthoughtful because my
husband is his friend and I am afraid to loose my husband to her!!! She
says not to show anyone the letter. Of course I show hubby. Groom calls to
see if he will come alone and he won't (it is my due date but I end up
going a week early anyway). They have not spoken since.
The MIL (grooms mom) hates the bride and her family. She
tells my mother in law all the time of the terrible things she does. Groom
is not happy at all. I really feel bad for both guys. They were nice guys.
Hubby and I have been married twenty years, kids and
lots of love.
My cousin met this girl on line. She is 5 years his
junior. After knowing each other for only 6 months they got engaged and 4
months after that they got engaged they were married. This girl only being
20 did not have much experience in planning a wedding especially since she
would be the first one in her family to be married. Just a little bit of
information about the couple. He dropped out of high school and she was
home schooled (this is kind of an important fact).
Anyways, the happy couple did not start planning for the
wedding until about 2 months before. The bride asked her sister to be
bridesmaid, but declined being that she was due to have a baby around
the time of the wedding. Wanting to have at least 2 bridesmaids the
bride-to-be asked her 2 aunts. When the bride finally got around to
picking out the dresses she wanted the bridesmaids to wear a certain color
dress with a certain design. The bridesmaids went out and bought matching
dresses that were totally opposite of what the bride requested.
Then came the day of the shower. The bride-to-be and her
mother both arrived an hour late. They were both dressed in dirty jeans
and t-shirts (while the guests were all dressed in nice pants and shirts).
The bride-to-be seemed uninterested in her gifts and the shower quickly
ended after that. BTW still haven't received a TY for the gift.
Then comes the day of the wedding. Keep in mind that
from their upbringings neither really had friends for the most part family
was the only ones invited. Our grandmother had recently fallen ill so she
was not able to attend the wedding so another cousin videotaped it for
her. First of all, the brides mother shows up wearing a white dress. Then
half her family stands up in the front of the church talking during the
ceremony. During this time her mother keeps running up and down the aisle
snapping pictures and talking to the other guests (keep in mind this is
during the ceremony!) One of her sisters is making out heavily with her
date in the front row of the church. It was basically like watching a
three ring circus. However, this is not the worst of it.
Then comes the reception. On each table are little bells
to ring instead of banging on the table. The happy couple comes in and the
guest start ringing the bells. The mother of the bride runs up to the
couple and tries to pull them apart. Every time the bells would ring she
would pull the couple apart. She even pushed people out of the way to get
to them and separate them. At one point she made a point to swear at the
crowd "quite ringing those f****bells stop it now" Which of
course made the crowd of about 50 people (over 100 were invited and most
left before 9PM) do it all the more (a fine time for the woman to get
morals she had four kids by four different men without being married and
now doesn't want her married daughter's husband to touch her?) When it
came time for the bride to throw her bouquet her mother pushed all the
other women out of the way to catch it and then started dancing around
because she caught it...our side of the family started joking that she was
one of the
people from the hills in a classic TV show...it is sad when a mother can't
even let her own daughter be the center of attention on her wedding day.
It did however give grandma a good laugh.
My best friend got married a year ago and it was the
most dramatic time of our lives. I endured 14 months of “Bridal Hell”
throughout this whole ordeal.
To start off, my friend, “Sally” had 2 MOHs, her
older sister “Ellen” and myself.
I have known both Sally and Ellen since we were kids. I knew Ellen was a
little crazy, but to what extent, I was unsure. Ellen tried to pull a lot
of selfish crap on Sally. For instance, she tried to get Sally to move her
wedding date. Then when that didn’t work, Ellen didn’t partake in any
I decided to throw the shower and wanted the assistance
of another BM, Keri. The whole thing turned into a dictatorship with
Sally’s mother overseeing the event. Ellen tried to get me to change the
date of the bridal shower, but I made it clear that it wasn’t going to
change. She did not help or chip in as promised.
When I brought it up to Sally after the wedding that
Ellen didn’t help with anything, she screeched that it was MY
responsibility to pay for everything since I was MOH. I pointed out that
there were TWO MOHs. I wondered why did she have two if all
responsibilities were being doled out to only one MOH? Her sister didn’t
deserve the title of MOH.
At the shower, I tried to get the attention of all of
the guests so we could begin the games. There was only one person in the
room that ignored me. It was the guest of honor, Sally! She continued to
chat away to someone completely unaware of how rude that was. If you
can’t even get the attention of the bride, why bother? No one else was
going to listen. It got better after that and things went smoothly.
Ellen decided to finally help with something; she was
going to plan the bachelorette party. She wanted to plan it with Keri and
me. Well, Ellen repeatedly changed the date/place/time we were supposed to
meet to plan the event, so Keri and I met for dinner to discuss it
ourselves. The meeting went well and we decided on something like a
“pajama” party. Later, Keri relayed the ideas to Ellen and she
instantly hated it and opted for something else. She and Keri changed all
of the plans, but didn’t let me know what was going to happen.
Ellen mailed out invitations to all of the other girls
and “forgot” to mail one to my sister, a mutual childhood friend and
me. We were given an oral invitation. I had no clue where Ellen lived.
Hell, I didn’t know my way around the city where she lived! So I
mentioned it to Sally a week prior. Sally told me where she lived and I
figured we’d find it.
The day of the bachelorette party came and the three of
us headed down to Ellen’s house. We found her house and tried the
doorbell. No one answered, so we knocked and waited. I didn’t think we
were at the right place, so we ran to a not so nearby payphone to call the
bride to ask where they were. (Unbeknownst to me, Ellen’s doorbell did
not work and she lived on the upper of a flat. She noted that tiny detail
on the invitation, but omitted it from any conversation that we’ve had.)
So, the three of us went back to that house and went in. We had a horrible
time and ducked out early. The best part of the evening was when the
bachelor party joined us. Bad, yes!
Ellen wasn’t the only bad bridal party member in this.
There we the other BMs who couldn’t perform simple tasks such as,
showing up to put a deposit on their dresses. Sally’s FSIL didn’t even
pay for hers! She forced Sally to do it because she was unemployed. Sally
and her Mom were the ones paying for a bulk of the wedding!
That being said, we’ll fast forward to the day of the
wedding. Everything ceremony wise went wonderfully. It was beautiful and a
happy time. Post-ceremony and reception, well, that’s another thing!
Sally told me months prior to the wedding that she
didn’t want me to make a toast. She expected it only from Ellen and one
of the Best Men, Todd. We were in the limo and Sally turned to me and
informed me that I *had* to make a toast. I was flabbergasted and the only
thing I could muster was “You guys suck!” I hadn’t prepared for
this! A little notice would’ve been nice.
During the toasts, the Best Man called Sally by the
wrong name. He was rip-roaring drunk and slipped out immediately
after dinner. (He missed the garter/bouquet toss.) I stumbled thru mine
and everyone made sure they told me how much mine sucked, which I will
shamefully admit. (I still cannot laugh about it!) Ellen’s was actually
very good. She got really teary, as did the bride. It was a great toast.
After dinner, I went to the bar to mingle with my other
friends. I spotted a friend of mine that was not in the bridal party so I
stopped to say hello. This friend attacked me about standing up in my
wedding. I had just gotten engaged to my now ex-fiancé and we had set a
date out for almost two years away. (I wanted it to be far away from
Sally’s wedding.) She badgered me about my choice of possible attendants
and she was irate that I didn’t ask her. I calmly told her that the
wedding was two years away and nothing was set in stone. When she wasn’t
looking, I fled.
Back inside the ballroom, Sally’s cheesy DJ was
starting the dancing. He would not play any of the songs that were
requested. Sally’s sister, Ellen, had to PAY the DJ $20 to hear one
song! And she wanted it to be played for Sally! He was obnoxious and rude.
My ex-fiancé and I ducked out early to get some sleep. I guess it was too
much wedding brouhaha for us.
The next day at the gift opening, I was told that one of
our guy friends STOLE a groomsman’s truck out of the parking lot. I
guess he took it for a joyride instead of bringing in a CD from the
groomsman’s truck. Needless to say, this ex-friend did not have a
license or insurance!
After a 13-week wait to get the wedding video, I was
invited over to view it. The videographer never put a microphone on the
groom, so you couldn’t hear the vows! We had to watch their lips move
and guess what was going on..
Eventually, the video leads into the wedding party at
the dinner buffet table filling our plates. Imagine our surprise as the
videographer zoomed in on Keri’s cleavage! Talk about a horrible
This story is very long, but it gets better...or
worse...as you go.
I have my own wedding faux pas to submit for a wedding I
sang at, amongst other things. A woman I work with, we'll call her Susie,
had lived with her fiancé for 7 years, and they have a 4 year old son
together. They were finally getting married and she spent an entire year,
at work, preparing her wedding instead of working. Something the manager's
and other co-workers had commented on.
She was looking for ways to cut corners, and, being
engaged myself, I could understand that. When the date was finally
confirmed, she asked me to sing at the wedding...I have regularly sang at
weddings in the past and am a lead singer in my church, so my voice is
quite good. I agreed with pleasure because, although we never got together
outside of work, we were quite friendly at work. I was flattered to
She offered to pay for the backing tracks for the
songs she chose, and to pay me a small fee, which I gratefully accepted,
since I am saving for my own wedding and money is very tight (I work two
jobs and study part time).
She was planning a very lavish wedding (in terms of the
number of guests), and since she knew many celebrities in the local
entertainment industry, she felt that she had certain standards to meet.
She was forever going on about how many different countries people were
flying in from to attend her wedding and how wonderful the wedding was
going to be.
She approached me and asked me, in addition to singing
at the wedding, to also design the Order of Service, since I am very handy
with computers. I agreed, and didn't expect compensation, since nothing
had been discussed. I did, however, think that she would carry the cost of
The list of songs kept on changing and the number of
songs to be sung, and there were numerous changes to the Order of Service
that I'd designed, which kept me pretty busy. Then, I was told that the
Organist would be playing the music instead, and could I please organize
the sheet music (this was a week and a half before the wedding, and the
song list had yet to be finalized). I managed to do so, at my own cost,
and got the music through to the organist.
The Wednesday before the wedding, the rehearsal was
scheduled to take place. I got a hysterical phone call from the bride,
telling me that the wedding was off. She and her DH had a huge fight, and
the wedding was off. She wanted me to tell everyone that had been invited
By this stage, the wedding had gone from 450 people to
150. She had uninvited 300 people. A faux pas in itself, since the
invitations had already gone out. I
calmed her down and convinced her to sleep on it, and if she still felt
that way the next day, I would inform everyone.
The next day, she called me to tell me that the wedding
was back on, but she'd cancelled the reception venue the night before,
lost a R7000 deposit (that's about $1000) and would my fiancé and his
brother consider catering the reception, which was now to be held at the
brother's house. The guest list had been trimmed again to 80 people.
My fiancé is a qualified caterer studying hotel
management and his brother is a qualified chef who works at a 5 star
resort. I phoned them (2 days before the wedding) and they agreed to meet
with the bride.
She told them that she wanted a 3 course buffet meal,
each course consisting of about 7 different options (including prawns for
starters), for 80 people. The kicker was that she wanted it for R2100
(about $300). In addition, she wanted to also get the tables, the chairs,
the chair covers and the marquis as a part of that R2100 ($300). They
agreed to try, and asked for R350 ($50) for labor. The average price for a
buffet meal here, is about R210 ($70) per person, so they were going to do
her a huge favor, since they would normally charge $5600 for 80 people,
not to mention that they would have less than 24 hours to produce all the
I also get told, at 15h00 that the wedding rehearsal
will now occur that evening, and I have to get the backing tracks. Drive
90kms to get the backing tracks, and rush through to the church. No bride,
or anyone for that matter. Two and a half hours later, and my fiancé and
I are the only ones there. The priest comes out of his office, and tells
us to tell the bride that he had another appointment and couldn't wait any
longer. He was very upset, and so was I, as I had to get back to work to
finish an urgent assignment (which kept me at work until 23h00).
The bride and groom finally show up, and we pass on the
message. Go back to work, and get a phone call at 22h00 saying that they
are asking for too much money to cook and they will be doing it for
Fine, we can deal with that.
Friday morning, one of the my co-workers who has been
invited to the wedding as well, gets a phone call in which she is asked to
pass on the message to everyone that the reception is really "for
family members only".
Everyone she works with is highly upset and decides not
to go, since they have been messed around and have all bought gifts from
her *very* expensive registry.
Wake up on Saturday morning, and have to go to the
registration day for my degree in the morning, only to get a phone call
saying that the woman who was supposed to print out the Order of Service
hasn't done so. Can I please do it. Okay, I agree, only to discover that
the paper she was planning to use (which she got for free from a friend)
doesn't take color well. In fact, it splotches onto the following page.
Not pretty. Eventually rush around and make black and white copies,
nothing else I can do.
Then I find out that the church has no sound system, so
I have to take my hi-fi with me to play the music. Arrive at the church,
which is behind a shopping mall, which you have to drive through to get to
it, and start folding the Order of Service. The priest asks for one, since
he hadn't been informed of what was happening either.
Four guests have now arrived, and the wedding is due to
start. All the other guests are lost. No groom, no wedding party, no
My fiancé is now acting as Usher while I run around co-ordinating
everything and keeping everyone informed of what is happening.
The bride finally arrived, 2 hours late, and there were
20 people in the church. I'm not going to bore you with any more details
but I can tell you that the rest continued in the same vein. The bride was
miserable and didn't smile, even once. The groom was looking everywhere
but at the bride during the reception. The MOH didn't wear the dress she
was supposed to and shaved her head days before the wedding, the friend
who was supposed to take the videos didn't know what to do and kept on
asking me for help, and had to be asked to videotape special moments and
so on and so forth.
Didn't go to the reception, since we'd been uninvited,
and...needless to say, I never received payment for anything, and neither
did my fiancé, despite the bride running him around both before the day
and on the day like a hired servant.
This past spring, a good friend of mine from elementary
and high school got married. Even though I'd moved quite a distance
away for college, we remained close friends and I was invited to the
wedding. I flew out to my parents' house - which was in the
same state - and then drove down to the wedding with a friend of mine from
college as my date.
The wedding itself was great. Both my friend and
his new bride are fairly religious, conservative, quiet people, and
although they come from different religious backgrounds, the ceremony
honored both of those and really was beautiful. The reception,
however, was a different story. The "historic" hotel it
was held in was somewhat dark, and smelled a little damp in most of the
hallways. The room was long and narrow, with the head table along
one of the long walls, the dance floor immediately in front, round tables
on both sides. The dinner was to be buffet-style, which would have
worked fine, except that the caterers set up the table along one short
wall, so only one line of people could go through at a time.
The real horror, though, was the DJ. While
introducing the bridal party, not only did he get half the names wrong, he
played a song more appropriate to basketball and football games - that
"Hey!" song that I'm sure almost everyone is familiar with.
About the only way it could have been more inappropriate would be for it
to be vulgarity-filled rap or something. He then proceeded to
play "dinner music" - which wasn't bad, except that it was
far too loud for conversation to take place. The DJ was also
responsible for calling up the tables to the buffet. Now granted,
there wasn't assigned seating, but the two tables closest to the head
table were for the parents and close family of the bride and groom - which
was pretty obvious given the corsages and such they all had. They
were two of the last tables to get called to the buffet - some guests were
nearly done with dinner by the time they got some.
Then it was time for the dancing, bouquet, and garter.
The music for the bouquet and garter was okay - even if the bride and
groom looked a little uncomfortable. The bride and groom, and
mother/father dances were okay too. Then the dance floor was
officially open, but the DJ was playing anything but the kind of music
that would get the people there to dance. A lot of the people
were on the older side, and most of the younger people were my friends -
and we don't so much do club-style music. After a few songs
where only a few members of the bridal party were dancing, the DJ
announced a "snowball" dance. I'd never heard of it, but
apparently there's a few partners dancing on the floor, and when the DJ
calls "snowball", they split up and each pick a new partner from
the audience. This got more people on the dance floor - too bad most
of them left when the song was over because the DJ kept playing the bad
The DJ also called a "dollar dance", something
else I'd never heard of. One of the bridesmaids and one of the
groomsmen were each given a little silk purse, and went through the guests
soliciting them to "pay a dollar" to dance with either the bride
or groom. It seemed very tacky to me, and very out of character for
this couple. I only saw two or three people actually participate in
the dollar portion of the dance. After that the music got a
little bit better - at least to the point where some of the younger crowd
was out there. But the DJ would play a string of four good songs,
and then a couple of bad ones - he really let the energy fall.
Between the lack of decent music, and the wish to avoid any other tacky
things the DJ might do, my friend and I made our excuses to the happy
couple fairly soon. The only problem is that they really didn't look
very happy at all.
Several years ago an acquaintance of mine announced she
was to be married. As we were all struggling college students at the time
being in a wedding wasn't something in my budget. But she asked me to be a
bridesmaid and I agreed.
I should have taken it as an indication of things to
come when the bride refused to decide on anything, not even the colors she
wanted to use. Her hometown was 2 hours from our college. Of the 6
bridesmaids I had only met one of them, who was also an acquaintance from
college. She told the bridesmaids to schedule a day to get together and go
shopping together to look for a dress. She went with us but refused to
give us guidelines to shop by. During our 9 hours of shopping hell the
bickering was endless. The bride refused to pick a color, style, shape of
dress. Five of us were pretty agreeable and I feel we could have quickly
reached a decision. However, the bride's hillbilly MOH decided everything
had to be her way. She picked out a two piece, sequined, halter style
dress--for $400. We quickly outvoted her and she whined about it the rest
of the day. By the end of our long day we were all tired and cranky and
had found nothing. As we were leaving the mall someone picked up a
JCPenney bridal catalog, flipped to the back and found a fluffy, icky pink
dress (reminiscent of cotton candy) at this point, we didn't care. We
ordered 6 of them on the spot.
I'm not sure if the bride was unfamiliar with normal
bridal routines or was an excited gift piggy. She ended up with about 4
showers. The other bridesmaid, who we'll call Becky, and I offered to host
a shower for her at our college. Becky and I coordinated and were fairly
up-to-date on our wedding/shower etiquette--however, the bride didn't
think so. We asked her for a guest list, expecting her to list a few of
our friends and some of her sorority sisters. She produced a list of 122
names. She had listed people she didn't even know but had only met once or
twice or had a class with at some time. She kept nagging us about sending
the invitations, which we fully intended to send at the right time and had
explained this to her. The bride didn't think we did it quickly enough so
she prepared and mailed her own invitations--two months in advance of the
The morning of the shower arrives, Becky and I had been
working together and had everything planned for our 100+ invited guests.
Did I mention the poor college student part? We have saved and scrimped
for this to be nice--at the college student level. We rented one of the
nice campus ballrooms and had ordered cake, fruit trays, cheese trays,
sandwich trays, mints, nuts, cookies punch, etc. We had paper table
clothes and cute but inexpensive center pieces. The bride arrived that
morning to check up on us. She was livid when we told her what food we had
ordered. She immediately calls her mother 2 hours away and tells her we
have screwed it up and don't have the right food. Her mother owns a
restaurant. Right before the shower her mother shows up in her catering
van with a full course meal prepared to serve 100+ people! Also, the bride
was pissed about our decorations--she calls an acquaintance's MOTHER who
is a florist and begs free fresh centerpieces for the tables! Our
decorations were not bad, they were cute dammit!
After all this 12, yes TWELVE, guests showed
up--including Becky, the bride's mother and me. Show's you how much people
thought of her, eh?
The day of the wedding arrives. Becky and I go down the
night before and spend the night so we will be there all day the day of
the blessed event. We get ready, go to the church, everything seems
hunky-dory. She has this friend of the family doing hair--I ended up with
some scary, funky ponytail thing, but I could live with it. Anyway, she
tells us to leave our personal stuff in the pastors office (remember Becky
and I spent the night, so we had our bags and everything.) After the
wedding is over we return to the back of the church to find that our stuff
has been stolen! Digital cameras, regular cameras, purses, credit cards,
keys, purses, everything! The police were called but because Becky and I
had the most taken we had the stay the longest. We were with the police
outside for about an hour after the ceremony. Did I mention the purses
were stolen? Yeah, my car keys were in mine. When we finished giving our
report we went to go back into the church and found that everyone had left
and the doors were locked! We were 2 hours from home in a strange town,
had just been robbed and now we were locked outside with no
transportation. Thank goodness we had called our boyfriends to come and
get us BEFORE we went outside to talk to the police!
Becky and I enjoyed sitting outside in the dark while
the rest of the guests were hamming it up at the reception. Apparently no
one noticed there were two bridesmaids missing. Thankfully the day was
over, at least.
Afterwards we had to take time off from class and drive
back to this town to testify or rather, identify our stuff after they
caught the couple who was robbing churches. Did the bride or groom show up
to offer moral support? Nope, they called in and said they couldn't make
it. But the bride's dad was nice enough to come out and buy us lunch. That
was the nicest thing I remember about the whole event.
We just traveled to my husband's nephews' wedding out of
state. This is his third wedding, his wife's fourth. Between
them, they have seven kids, never did figure out who belonged to whom.
We were told they registered at Wal-Mart, which should have been the first
clue. The wedding and reception was at a golf course about two hours
from where they told us to stay, neglecting to tell us there were accommodations
on the course.
Big formal wedding, ten attendants, bride in white.
I counted 15 guests out of the 70 they had invited. The wedding
started an hour late, bride comes in sobbing and shrieking, mascara
running down her face as she walks down the aisle. It was especially
attractive to see her wipe her nose occasionally on her arm. The
videographer turns and yells, "Hey, it's a moose!" and we all
stop and watch a young bull moose trot by, which is probably the best part
of the wedding. As the vows are being exchanged, a guest's cell
phone rings and she answers it, carrying on a loud conversation about the
ceremony, bride's dress, flowers, etc. I guess the ceremony was a
bit long for the MOH because she ducked out during the candle lighting and
brought back a can of beer. I am not joking! She had a can of
beer concealed beneath her bouquet. I saw her drink out of it.
I guess I should have known when we brought wine to the rehearsal dinner
and the bride said, "Who would bring wine? How tacky!", as
they chugged can after can of Bud.
The most touching moment was when the groom stood up
during the reception and said, "You can only have one drink, we
aren't paying for more." It was lovely.
When I was a junior in college I let two of my closest
friends, Tyler and Paula, move in with me. I recognize that perhaps this
was a foolhardy move on my part, but Tyler was my closest friend at school
and they needed a place to stay. It was a lot of fun to have them there,
but I didn't see them very often because most their time in the apartment
was spent in a horizontal fashion. I told them from the beginning that if
they weren't careful they would get pregnant and when they did I'd make
fun of Paula because her ankles would get all swollen, and she responded
by saying that did she ever get pregnant she'd let me know by kicking me
in the ankle so she wouldn't have swollen ankles alone.
They had only been together for 3 months when the hours
upon hours of noisy, unprotected sex "paid off" and Paula came
to kick me in the ankle. Determined to make the best of it they decided to
get married after they both graduated in May. They set the date in June
and to the complete and utter surprise of everyone involved, Tyler asked
me to be his Best "Man." After a long talk with Paula assuring
me that it was something they both wanted, I agreed. Thus began the
To be honest, I have no one person to blame. The bride
and groom were considerate and flexible through the whole ordeal, the
wedding party bent over backward to make the best of the hellish
experience and even the families behaved themselves, for the most part.
But none of that stopped the whole thing from going freakishly wrong. I
went to school in a state 1,200 miles away from home, since the wedding
was more than a month after school ended, I flew back to where Tyler and
Paula lived, three days before the wedding.
Day 1. Before school ended I got together with Tyler's
closest male friends to plan the bachelor party. We were to have dinner at
Tyler's favorite Thai restaurant, drinks at a classy restaurant (no bar
since not all of our friends were 21 yet) and then our friend Chad had
generously offered have us all end up at his apartment for a party. Dinner
went well until one of Tyler's ex-girlfriends showed up at the restaurant
and tried to convince him that he should go with her to a strip club. She
announced to the whole restaurant that he was only marrying Paula because
she suckered him into by getting pregnant on purpose, and that their
relationship was doomed. The manager of the restaurant kindly had her
At the bar we had a few drinks, told fabulously
embarrassing stories about Tyler and were having an all-around good time
till I discovered that, though the bill was $200 (there were nine of us),
only three of us had come with money, and one of us was Tyler. I
absolutely refused to let the groom pay for part of his own bachelor party
and so an usher and I split the whole bill, leaving the rest of our
friends to feel quite sheepish.
Day 2. Paula's MOH was to be her younger sister, but
since she went to school a few states away, she was not going to be there
until the night before the wedding. So Paula and I spent that whole day
assembling party favors for the 150 guests, hand-writing out place cards
and folding invitations. By midnight we still weren't done. Where were the
other bridesmaids, you ask? They couldn't be bothered, one claimed to be
too busy washing her car and the other simply said she didn't want
Day 3. Paula and I finished up the favors and went with
the MOB to pick up the dresses. Paula's dress fit beautifully, even 5
months pregnant she was a beautiful bride. Both the MOB and I told Paula
that she looked fabulous, but another girl in the store, who I can only
assume was another bride-to-be turned to a woman who looked suspiciously
like her mother and said, "You said I was a tramp, I least I wasn't
stupid enough to get knocked up." Needless to say the pregnant,
stressed-out bride cried all the way to the rehearsal dinner.
The dinner went off smoothly, and since the MOH finally
showed up, the ladies of the wedding decided to go out and celebrate since
Paula had been too busy to have a bachelorette party. Since the bride was
pregnant, we couldn't drink, so we decided to get dessert at a well-known
restaurant in the town where the wedding will be, which is about 35
minutes from where Paula and Tyler lived at the time.
The waitress at the restaurant was so rude we had to ask
twice simply to see the menu. 45 minutes later when she came back to take
our order she demanded that we hurry it up she could go on her break. We
placed our orders and when the food came, she threw down on the table so
hard that the strawberry topping on a piece of cheesecake splattered all
over the MOH and the bride. No apology from the waitress, not even a
mention that she had done anything wrong. When the bill finally came,
nearly 45 minutes after we had finished dessert and asked for the check,
she tried to charge us for nearly twice the amount. I straightened it out
with manager, and thankfully we had a chuckle about on our way back to
where we were staying, but because it had taken so long Paula and I didn't
get to bed till nearly21 AM.
The day of the wedding. The wedding was to be outdoors
on Paula's mother's expansive property. We had chosen the perfect spot,
and placed an ivy entwined archway in front of a beautiful lilac bush. The
morning of, Paula had a hard time getting out the door and we were running
a few minutes off schedule for our hair appointment set at 8 AM. To make
up for this Paula sped just the tiniest bit and on her way into the town
where the wedding and hairdresser were. En route, she was pulled over for
speeding. Paula of course cries, already it's been a terrible day. The
police officer, just doing his job, has no pity and takes his time issuing
the ticket. Paula is fuming by the time she gets the hairdressers, afraid
that hairdresser will be angry. But we had nothing to fear because the
shop is dark, locked and empty. Paula called her mother, who in turn in
typical small-town USA fashion called the hairdresser who insisted that
Paula set the appointments for 9:30 AM. Paula responds by asking why she
would set an appointment for 8 people (Bride, MOH, 2 BM's, flower girl,
MOB, MOG and me) to have their hair done at 9:30 if the photographer was
coming to take pictures at 9:45? The hairdresser promised to come and the
bridesmaids and I leave to see if we could find another place to get out
hair done. We did, and all three of our up-dos end up being spectacular.
The rest of the women come down, still infuriated because the original
hairdresser in her haste had done a terrible job on all five of them. The
second hairdresser takes pity and fixes all 5 of their heads gratis.
We get ready to leave and make the short drive to the
wedding location only to discover that while we have been fixing hair, it
had begun to pour rain. We prayed that it would stop while the bride cried
for the third time that day and dashed to our cars. At the house the
photographer had anxiously been awaiting our arrival and was frantic
because he had planned on taking all the pictures outside. On top of this
one of the groomsman shows up in a shirt three shades darker than the rest
of the wedding party. The excuse he offers? He hadn't gone shopping for a
shirt till that morning and was surprised to find that he could not find
the same exact shade of gray the others had gotten.
Still raining, and while the photographer came up with
some very creative places to take pictures, the groom, groomsmen and I are
trying to figure out where we're going to put 150 people if the rain does
not stop. We discover that the only place close to being big enough is
converted garage the MOB was using as a woodshop. So, the wedding party
takes turns dashing and forth between getting our pictures taken in the
house and sweeping up sawdust and setting up chairs in the garage. We cram
100 chairs into the garage and then begin trying to figure out where to
put the musicians. They end up in a shed to the left of the garage.
The guests begin arriving and huddle under umbrellas
outside. We door of the garage so that Tyler and Paula's families may sit
inside. They give up on the musicians and stick a wedding CD in a boom box
in the corner. As the MOB is escorted down the aisle the CD begins to
skip. Three seconds of silence and then the song resumes where it had
stopped, it does this all through the family members, the flower girl and
by the time the MOH and I begin down the makeshift aisle, the bride has
pulled the plug on the boom box. She walks down the aisle without music.
The ceremony is quick but sweet. The wedding party exits back to the house
and all the guests that were willing pitch in to help convert the
"chapel" to the "reception hall." Chairs are shifted,
tables are dragged in, food is set out and the reception begins.
Thankfully, the rest of the day went rather peacefully.
After the last guest left I asked the bride how she felt about the day,
she looked and me with a wry smile and said, 'Hey, at the end of the day
we're married and that's all that matters to us." But to be honest,
the whole ordeal has sort of spooked me from wanting to have a wedding of
Thank you for the hilarious site, and the discussion
forum. I really appreciate them both, and hope this story will serve as an
amusing cautionary tale to your readers.
The Worst Wedding Ever.
While I generally think of myself as a nice person,
enough time has passed that I want to share this horrible story of Bridal
Hell. It all began years ago, at a rural college, when I became friends
with a very nice couple who lived next door. They were a year ahead of me
in school, and began dating their sophomore year. She was an excellent
student, he would have been had he spent slightly more effort on the
academic side of college - but he eventually graduated, a couple years
late, but with the same degree we all earned.
While on his academic hiatus, the couple became engaged.
As parental and collegiate financial support was cut off for the
soon-to-be groom after his second suspension, the soon-to-be bride moved
back to the small college town, and began working multiple jobs to put her
fiancé through school. As his graduation approached, the couple began
planning their wedding, and I was delighted to be asked to be a
bridesmaid. Knowing how hard the bride and groom had worked to get through
school and plan this wedding, I was quite excited at helping them in any
way I could. Perhaps this was the beginning of my downfall.
The couple chose to have their wedding in the bride's
home town. That spring, the bride moved back from the college town to her
parent's home, and began planning the wedding in late August. She first
chose the dresses for the wedding - dark burgundy velvet dresses that
might be a bit hot, but it was for a *friend* so who cared? Two days
*after* I placed an order, I found out that the dress choice was not
acceptable, since the dress did not come to all the bridesmaids specs. I
cancelled the order, and when the bride called me in panicky tears, I
suggested I come up that weekend and take her outlet shopping, and I could
simply buy the dresses for the other girls and be paid back - since it was
post-prom season we might get some steals. We even decided on a couple
backup formal dresses online, which were well below the hefty price tag
the previous dress carried. However, suggesting that a non-bridesmaid
dress might be acceptable awakened the Momster, who freaked at the idea
that a non-bridal-approved dress be used. In the end the Momster chose
what looked like a royal blue tent to outfit the bridesmaids. No matter, I
didn't mind looking ludicrous to honor my friends.
In June, bride and groom send out pictures from their
Jack and Jill shower in College Town to myself and a bunch of other
people. I was rather hurt, having not been *invited* to this shower,
despite making regular trips to College Town. I decided to suck it up and
not say anything - after all, I assumed the bride and groom were not the
hosts and perhaps no one knew I was in the wedding party (my assumption
was partially correct - the guests footed the bill, though Bride and Groom
did the inviting). Plus, the Groom's 13 year old sister was MOH, and
brother was Best Man, so perhaps some random friends threw it. No biggie.
I turned my energy towards the bachelorette party - a fun night at a
comedy club with all the Bridesmaids except the youngest after the rehearsal
dinner. I talked to the Groom's mom, and we decided to go out for sundaes
with the 13 year old bridesmaid, then have her mom pick her up while the
rest of us went to the club.
In July, the Hotel Fiasco begins. Bride and Groom booked
a block of rooms at the local Super 8 for Friday night (Saturday wedding).
At an atrociously high rate (higher than the Marriott down the street, and
higher than the Internet or AAA rate at the Super 8. Foolishly, I email
the Groom to tell him the rate is being quoted lower if not in the wedding
block. Groom fires me a hateful email saying how I was going to end up
costing the Bride's dad a fortune because if the minimum was not met his
credit card was charged. The hotel refused to let me make one continuous
reservation for Thursday through Saturday night, so I made two cheap
reservations for Thursday and Saturday, and an expensive one for Friday. I
also passed the word on to friends that we should just take the Friday
rooms to help out Bride's father.
My boyfriend (now fiancé) and I take a day off work to
get to the Bride's hometown early to help out. I've endured countless
phone calls, IMs, and emails about how the wedding is going to hell in a
handbasket. Of course, that Thursday was the day of the Great 2003 Northeast
Power Outage. After a harrowing drive, boyfriend and I arrive at the small
town's Super Eight, to find Bride, Groom, assorted relatives, and friends
waiting for us. Apparently we were the only ones with a room that night,
and Bride's parents had no water (electric pump) and everyone wanted
showers. We were happy to oblige. Boyfriend and I had made arrangements to
take Bride and Groom to dinner that night - and we did, along with a
handful of relatives. Boyfriend was not enthusiastic at the crowd, but
hosted everyone graciously.
Bride woke me up around six for a ride, and I spent
Friday literally running all over the county with her to pick up last minute
forgets, including most of the catering (the Bride's mother was cooking
the reception food). We picked up the dress and I gave boyfriend the task
of defending it - not to be judgmental, but it was a huge poofy long
trained dress for a park wedding. It barely fit in my car. I even helped
pick up the Bridesmaids and Groomsmen gifts. I also ended up picking up a
lot of the costs. Around 11, myself, boyfriend, a few more wedding party
members, and Bride chalked out the ceremony area in a local park, trying
to catch the shade. The area had last been visited in the winter - and now
the area was trashed and ugly, and a mosquito breeding ground. We cleaned
that park like no park had even been cleaned before. That evening,
exhausted, we gathered for the rehearsal. We also sort of forgot the flower girls.
Oh well, it was a simple JOP ceremony it could not be too bad. I met the
Groomsman, Sam, I was paired with - an intelligent gentleman slightly
older than myself whose girlfriend I knew and who had friends in common. I
also learned later that night that the reason his girlfriend dropped out
of the wedding was the same slight in the shower, as well as one-too-many
of the Groom's hateful emails (also about the hotel). He decided to come
anyway since his parents lived in the area. Of course, we had a Groomsman
missing - he was in NYC and no one could contact him. So the rehearsal
became more of a "where's David?" exercise than rehearsal - and
as I knew David was very level-headed and responsible, I began to worry
about him. However, the Groom was ecstatic that the numbers were
The rehearsal dinner was tense, to say the least. The
Bride's parents were not well off at all, and the father was disabled.
They wanted very much to give their daughter a wonderful wedding, so what
they lacked in cash they more than made up with in care and love. The
Bride used her savings to buy her dress and the services of the JOP and
flowers, the Bride's mother and friends cooked and catered the Rehearsal
Dinner and Reception. While the Groom's parents were hardly Rockefellers,
they certainly thought they were "above" the Bride's family, and
were openly hostile. I went up to the Grooms' parents and introduced
myself, and congratulated them on the marriage. I got a rude noise. The
dinner was silent and painful. The Groom's parents, brother, and brother's
16 year old girlfriend all sat together. The girlfriend was introduced as
"so close she's more like my daughter in law," and the
"most beautiful girl either son could have," and other digs at
the Bride. Then the 13 year old daughter threw a hissy fit and threw such
a temper tantrum a Grandmother took her back to their hotel. Finally the
Groom's father turned to the Bride and loudly said "how much will it
take for you not to marry him? $5000?" I quickly announced that the
ladies were leaving for their night out, and dragged the Bride away.
Meanwhile, my boyfriend and Sam pulled the guys away from the Groom's
father. Fights were not productive. The guys planned a night of kung fu
type movies and poker as both Bride and Groom agreed to not see strippers.
As soon as the Bride got into my car she began sobbing.
I half thought of suggesting we all just run away, but instead consoled
her and told her everything would be fine. We went to a lackluster show
and then went to our various rooms. Boyfriend had already checked out and
check in for me - and a sympathetic agent gave us the largest 1st floor
room - but was perplexed, as somehow they lost the Groom.
The morning of the wedding dawns, and we all troop down
to the park to set up folding chairs, assemble glasses, etc. The Bride's
parents provided snacks and it was fun work, if tiring. Until the Groom's
family showed up, including the chagrined and subdued 13 year old. The
Groom was hung over, throwing up, and in a bad mood. Apparently his 17
year old brother took him to a nudie bar the night before. I ignored him,
since frankly I thought he should have stood up for his soon-to-be wife
the night before. While assembling, I make small talk with the 13 year old
sister and ask her if she would like to help. She did for about 20
minutes, then her mother barked at her that she didn't have to help, and
she then rejoined her parents. I was also treated to the 16 year old's
stories of sexual exploits with 17 year old Groom brother, and how her
wedding was going to be "way better." Clearly this young lady
will turn up in the pages of EHell again some day.
The first crew (the guys) returns to the hotel to dress,
then come greet the guests. Soon after they left, David the missing
Groomsman called! He had power and was madly dashing up, his train would
be here soon. We decided my boyfriend, not in the wedding party, would
pick him up, and David could change into his tux in the car. I speeded to
the hotel, threw boyfriend the keys, and told him he had an hour and a
half to make a two hour round trip. I then took the world's fastest
shower, threw on my dress, and opened my door to a sobbing Bridesmaid.
Apparently people were asking questions about her the night before, and
she begged me to "help her look straight" for the wedding. Now,
this was a wonderful, beautiful young woman, but with short spikey hair
who tended to wear very baggy clothes, and never wore heels. I did her
hair (pretty diamond-looking pins), her makeup, and her nails, while
thinking to myself "I can't believe the Bride and Groom, would they
ask me to change the color of my skin?" Nonetheless, I ended up doing
multiple hairs and makeups, and sprinting bridal errands. We all trooped
over to the park - taking slightly long since the road was being paved. We
arrived, breathless, and rather excited that the wedding was finally
nearing an end.
Sean, another groomsman, pulled me aside soon after my
arrival. "Listen, do you see that guy over there," he pointed to
a scruffy looking tattooed gentleman with a scowling woman holding a small
child. "Yeah, should I introduce myself?" "No, do you see
his tattoos?" "Yes, so?" "You have no clue, do
you," he sighed, "they're SS tattoos. Be careful." I
glanced around. A few of those not from our school were eyeing me, but I
assumed that was simply because I was one of the few people of my race
they had ever seen. I was the only non-white person, but such things
rarely bothered me. "You're crazy, no one would hurt me at a
*wedding*, I'm a friend of the Bride!" "Promise me?"
"Sure," I was shocked and a little freaked out that Sean was
overreacting. Our conversation was interrupted by the arrival of the Bride
and her father.
The Groom's family, including little sister MOH, showed
up late. The Bride freaked when little sister was wearing a very pretty
royal blue sleeveless tank dress - while the rest of us were wearing tents
that weren't even the same shade as the little sister's dress. The mother
of the Groom shrugged and explained the other dress was out (meanwhile, I
had two with me, since I had yet to return the too-large one sent in case
I was unable to purchase a second). Of course, the Bride was upset.
Calming her took a bit, but to be fair it was hardly a thirteen year old
child's fault, and even a guest wearing a clown's outfit cannot upstage a
bride at her wedding.
We lined up, and just before the march Dave jumped out
of the still-moving car to much cheering from everyone except the Groom,
who was upset at the numbers not being even. A brief pow-wow decided that
Dave would escort the flower girls. Wedding begins, including an odd,
L-shaped march to the large (and mosquito) front. I paste on a smile and
walk towards the "altar" relieved that this was almost over. The
Bride comes down the "aisle", though her train was so long it
remained around the L's bend. We were a bit disorganized, and dropped the
ring (a dive kept it from going into the pond), but in the end they were
married. We sauntered back up the aisle and made a receiving line. I kept
introducing myself and thanking people for coming, and making small talk.
About halfway through the crowd, the gentleman Sean
pointed out approaches, along with the same woman, carrying a baby. I
introduce myself to the gentleman, and extend my hand. He reaches over me
to Sam, the Groomsman beside me, while his wife spits at me. I paste a
smile on my face, drop my hand, and say, "Thank you so much for
coming." Sam is speechless. I twist his arm and whisper to him,
"Shake and pretend that never happened, and whatever you do don't you
dare tell James [my boyfriend]." We get through the line and then
spend far too long taking pictures. At the gazebo, the Bride's mother has
wisely opened the drinks, and started the food lines. After everyone eats,
we finally make our entrance (we have yet to eat, of course), and I am
"announced" accompanied by two handsome, debonair groomsmen. I
dance with each, then finally eat a bit. I tried my level best to
circulate during the party, but I must admit I was so shaken I kept to
those I knew. We served cake and sparkling cider, and as it began to rain
dashed out to the ceremony area in dresses and heels to strike down the
Finally, I had enough, and wanted to get back to the
hotel. My allergies were killing me, rain notwithstanding, and I was tired
and angry. As we were walking out, four friends of the Bride and Groom's
stopped us and asked if we were going back to the Super 8. As we were they
piled in. Boyfriend took them, and another two trips before he finally was
able to rescue me (I was recruited by Momster to wash dishes). We returned
to the hotel, and had the desk clerk place a very expensive bottle of
champagne and nice glasses and a card and savings bond in the B&G's
hotel room, as our wedding present.
After getting out of the shower, boyfriend rather
irately asked me if I had invited everyone to the room for the "after
party." I had not, but apparently while I was relaxing in the steam,
a busybody decided that since our room was the biggest and on the ground
floor, that we'd host, and gave boyfriend a list of liquor, and not to
worry, there would be chip ins later. We ran into Sam in the lobby - he
had heard the new plan, and while boyfriend showered and waited, Sam and I
went out to buy the liquor, splitting the cost and just shrugging it off.
In for a penny, in for a pound. Of course few chip-ins occurred, and it
turned out Bride and Groom were the ones saying the "liquor
reception" was in our room.
While Bride and Groom went to dinner by themselves, we
all changed and were having a grand old time. I had told boyfriend about
the spitting incident (the entire bridal party saw it), and he was none
too pleased, but accepted that it was over. We decided not to tell B&G
at this time. Then of course, Bride and Groom show up. With presents in
tow. And then proceeded to open them like at a child's birthday party.
Most of us were appalled, and perhaps rude, and went to the other corner
of the room and began playing an old drinking game we enjoyed in college.
Groom wasn't too happy no longer being the center of attention, and got
louder and drunker, and make several lewd comments. Finally, he left to
"perform" and commented on the "booze" we left in his
room. Around 3 am boyfriend kicked everyone out, I was already fast
The following day I was as sick as a dog with
exhaustion. We ended up taking the Bride and Groom to breakfast (everyone
else dashed away, and they were a bit peeved), and headed home. After
almost a year I have had no thank you, my attempts to set the Groom up
with job contacts have ended with *my* contacts insulted by the rude
Groom, and I was told, second hand, that the Bride and Groom think that
the spitting wasn't a big deal, and I was denying the couple (uncle and
aunt of the bride) their cultural heritage by being offended. By being
I feel I should contribute this horror story to your
great website, may others find amusement in it...
As it is a tradition where I live, 50-year wedding
anniversaries, i.e. Golden Weddings, are celebrated quite elaborately,
complete with a second ceremony and reception. My long-term boyfriend and
I were invited to my grandparents' golden wedding this past January, and
it was a truly memorable day of keeping up appearances...
As a little bit of a background, I have to say that my
grandfather has had an adulterous relationship with a local woman for at
least ten years, and this was very well known all over town (and the
parish my grandparents belong to). As a result, only those people that
were to attend the reception actually did attend the ceremony (although
traditionally, most of the parish would have attended), thus labeling the
entire event a mere charade. The priest that held the ceremony added to
this by elaborating on this great achievement of a "happy, faithful,
loving" marriage that had lasted 50 years now, and more happy years
were to come... The tension in the "congregation" just kept
rising and rising. I was basically forced to read some intercessions, all
against my beliefs, as I had turned my back on Catholicism a few years
prior. But I gritted my teeth and put myself on the spot for much mockery
by my boyfriend for being such a pushover.
We arrived at the reception, where my cousin, who is a
year older than me, arrived half drunk from the night before, apologizing
half-heartedly for not "making it to church", before he
proceeded to loudly talk about his involvement in a rather radical
political party, and how he shared their nationalistic and racist views...
Everybody was so embarrassed and indeed very happy when he left promptly
after lunch (only to return as dinner was being served).
My grandparents had hired a "band" for
entertainment, consisting of two women in traditional costume, both
equipped with guitars, who were hopping all over the place and making up
little supposedly witty songs about every couple or single guest who was
there, often including sexual references or plain insults. My boyfriend
and I were subject to two of those "serenades", in which, among
other things, they told him not to put his head into the coil of marriage.
My face was red with shame. What was even worse, though, was that they
soon spotted a single elderly woman (my uncle's mother), and inquired of
her where her husband was. She painstakingly responded that he was
deceased, and they proceeded to make up another happy little song (it was
all supposed to be witty) how her husband was burning in hell and whatnot.
The poor lady could barely keep her composure, as her husband had in fact
only deceased a couple of weeks prior...
What took the cake, however, was when my grandfather had
gotten very drunk, and gave a toast in which he loudly proclaimed that
he'd much rather married my grandmother's stepsister (who was also present
and going to celebrate HER golden wedding only a few months later), but
alas, she didn't want him and so he settled for my grandmother. It was
painful, horrifying, and just plain bizarre. The entire party was
extremely uncomfortable, and most people quickly excused themselves very
soon after dinner. Being immediate family, we felt obligated to stay
longer, but thankfully - yes, THANKFULLY - I had been in a car wreck a few
days earlier and was suffering much pain due to a whiplash injury, so we
had a VERY good excuse to leave this farce... Needless to say, we were
very glad to do so.
Shortly after my husband proposed, we went to his
cousin’s wedding. Since we were newly engaged, several family
members suggested the possibility of getting ideas for our own wedding
from this event. Mostly, we ended up getting ideas on how not to
have a wedding.
First of all, the ceremony started late, not incredibly
late, but still late. As the bridesmaids were walking down the
aisle, we noticed that the dresses seemed to be selected to highlight the
maid of honor’s rather large and hideous tattoo. I realize these
aren’t big infractions, just things to make you raise your eyebrows.
Ceremony ends, and we all wait out the posted time between the ceremony
and reception and head over to the reception just as it’s scheduled to
start. We’re sitting at our table, and sitting, and sitting.
Forty-five minutes later, the bride, groom, and the bridal party stroll
into the hall. Apparently they were barhopping because it had always
been the bride’s dream to go barhopping in her wedding dress.
Finally, it’s time to eat. The DJ’s plan to
release the tables to go through the buffet line is to play trivia – the
first table to get the question correct gets to go next to the line.
Thankfully, my husband’s brother is quick and we’re the first table to
go up. The food is in a separate room, and the temperature is
sweltering in that room. The salads were wilting, the butter was
melting, the food was generally just not at it’s peak. Might not
have been so bad had we not waited so long for the bride and groom.
By the time we’re done eating, the DJ is still going with his trivia.
We felt awful for the poor people at the last table to go. Since the
bridal party had long finished their meal, they were socializing among
themselves and continuing to drink heavily.
At every place setting there was a card stating that the
couple donated money to the American Cancer Society rather than purchasing
favors for everyone. Great, let the money go to a good cause rather
than get a knick knack that will end up in the trash anyway. At one
point, the groom, my husband’s cousin, stands up to call our attention
to these cards on the table. He then states that, rather than spend
the money on thank you notes, they’ve decided to donate that money as
well. We were not to expect a thank you note for the gifts we gave
or the time and effort it took to get to that wedding. Wow, don’t
we feel appreciated.
It’s finally time for the dancing to begin.
Nothing big until it’s time for the bouquet and garter toss.
Personally, I hate the bouquet toss because I always felt like the pitiful
single friend and I find it degrading. Since I hate the event and I
was engaged at the time, it was a no-brainer that I wasn’t going to go
up to the dance floor. That is, until the DJ walks over to the table
as he’s trying to rally more female participants for the toss.
I’m the first victim he’s attacking. He’s suggesting, into the
microphone so all can hear, that I go up. I state no. He
continues to try and get me to go up. It’s to the point where
I’ve turned my engagement ring upside down to try and fool him. He
then asks to see the other side of my hand, and there he sees the diamond.
He was verbally attacking me to go up for several minutes before he
finally gave up, all the time speaking into the microphone so all eyes are
on me. He finally moved onto his next victim – the groom’s
great-aunt who was recently widowed. After about 15 minutes of the
DJ attempting to get females up there, the bouquet toss finally happens.
But now it’s time for the garter toss. And guess who the DJ’s
first victim is? Of course, it’s my now-husband. His brother
had handed him a ring to try and fool the DJ, but of course that worked as
well as my decoy. The DJ did give up on him much quicker than he
gave up on me.
When all of the wedding traditions were over, we
couldn’t get out of that reception fast enough.
Page Last Updated May 15, 2007